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“Hands Across the Globe” Fundraiser Aims to Stop Spread of Coronavirus 
Nation’s parents lured back inside houses with promise of Jeopardy re-runs 
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Central American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus 
The KKK to Suspend Their Weekly Cross Burnings Because of C-19 
The White House Says The Annual White House Easter Egg Roll Will Go on As Scheduled 
Vice-President Pence Wants To See Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s Birth Certificate 
Las Vegas to Close the World Famous Little White Wedding Chapel 
Hologram of Winston Churchill to cheer Britain up, says Boris 
Everyone in the Hospital Knew Anesthesia’s Real Name All Along 
Sergeant Major can’t decide whether to solve COVID-19 crisis with uniform inspections or haircuts 
Elderly Germans enthusiastic about checking papers of train passengers 
Man on first date inexplicably asks for wine list 
Arrested for a DUI in Ventura – What to Expect 
Two Weeks Into Self-Isolation, Housemates Unanimously Agree To Start Rooting Each Other 
TV crime suspect tricked again into saying something other than ‘no comment’ 
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Australians Urged To Drink 8 Glasses Of Hand Sanitiser Per Day 
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PM denies extra assistance to renters, claiming he’s “tough on boarders” 
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Government classifies ‘dat ass’ as an essential service 
Government asks virus to hold off for six weeks so they can get stimulus sorted 
Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap 
Staples releases limited edition homosexual agendas 
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CDC: Coronavirus Vaccine Will Be Ready for Refusal By Anti-Vaxxers By 2021 
Self-isolating Boris spends first day making 100 red buses out of crates 
Considerate BMW driver maintaining 6-foot social distancing from car in front 
Hermits ban mass gatherings of more than one 
Modi launches Jan Joota Yojana for workers walking back home 
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Man Suffocates After Bag Full Of Bags Under His Kitchen Sink Explode 
Space War College struggles to find applicable Clausewitz readings 
Japan To Go Ahead With Olympics To Stop Exponential Spike In Coronavirus Cases 
Jetstar CEO forced to sit on floor after overbooking family couch 
Queensland’s ‘Smart State’ title revoked for holding election during pandemic 
Shit About To Get Very Real For Gaijin Living In Dreamland 
Alberta’s health minister models excellent physical distancing by yelling at people from at least 2 meters away 
CDC Warns: DON’T USE MASK FROM ‘THE MASK’ 
PRODUCTION SUSPENDED ON CLINT EASTWOOD’S COOKING SHOW 
Scientists Discover Earliest Common Ancestor To All Animal Life 
Trump Announces Plan To Retrain Nation’s 3 Million Unemployed Americans As Human Ventilators 
Americans Look For Ways To Help During Coronavirus Pandemic 
Doctors Encourage More Women To Regularly Perform Breast Self-Exams To See If They Need Implants 
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Chick-Fil-A Temporarily Changes Slogan To 'Eat Fewer Bats' 
Congress Excited To Find Out What’s In Stimulus Package They Just Passed 
Toilet Paper Crisis Solved As Government Prints Trillions Of Fresh, Soft Dollar Bills 
Hallmark Channel Announces 19 New Coronavirus-Themed Movies 
Family Takes Weekend Vacation To Guest Room 
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Spoiled Millennials Get Ready For Second Recession Of Their Lifetime 
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Olympics Postponement Causes 5,491 People To Immediately Test Positive For Coronavirus 
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Pentagon vows to upgrade burn pits into ball pits 
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South Park Being Used Extensively As Educational Tool For Pandemic Home Schooling 
Japanese Government Cancels The Truth Due To Coronavirus 
Filipino Designers Respond To Leni Robredo’s Call For Locally-made Face Masks 
Costco Clarifies Return Policy on Toilet Paper, et. al. 
10 Ways Filipinos Can Be Productive While Under Home Quarantine 
Coronavirus In Different Accents 
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The 9 funniest reactions to Bono writing a coronavirus ballad 
FM Observer’s First Annual Panicfest Cancelled Due To Lack Of Toilet Paper 
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Pandemic Social Distancing, North Dakota Style 
Blossoming Of Cherry Blossoms Cancelled Due To Coronavirus 
Fargo Man Impaled By Large Icicle Doesn’t Notice It Until He Gets Home To His Wife 
First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now “Acting Funny”