I know it has been a while since our last post here and I am sorry this couldn’t be a happier one to come back. My heart breaks while writing this.
We had to say goodbye to our big beautiful boy Blake this Friday. It was his 11.5th birthday and just one day shy of his 11 year anniversary of meeting Sambucca, the love of his life.
He was completely fine last Saturday and Sunday morning he suddenly spiraled into great suffering. We reacted immediately and tried absolutely everything in our power to help him and find the cause. Over the course of the week we went to 2 different ERs, a vet and a neurology specialist. He was being monitored 24/7, he had an IV, we had a catheter installed and a feeding tube. We got his blood work done, x-rays, ultrasound… even an MRI and a spinal tap. And yet, frustratingly no definitive diagnosis could be made.
However looking at his symptoms and the lack of indicators in almost anything else, we are fairly certain it was a neurological issue. Most likely a very aggressive, fast growing cancerous brain tumor that probably caused an unwitnessed seizure, from which he never really recovered. If it really was a tumor, we could tell from the MRI that it would not have been operable. The treatments we could do didn’t show any improvement and radiation or chemo-therapy wouldn’t have made any sense.
There was nothing else we could do for him and while we managed to stabilize him so he’d be more comfortable, he wouldn’t and couldn’t get better on his own. So we made the hardest decision of my life, to release him so he could rest in peace.
He was so weak that I was terrified of losing him, when he’d be all alone in a foreign, sterile place, surrounded by barking dogs and other animals that were fighting their own painful battles. I kept sending him good energy and strength from afar, telling him that we would come and be with him as soon as we could. And he was very brave and strong and held on. We had a warm, nice and quiet room all to ourselves and we could bring Sambucca and Faolan to be with him as well. He looked really good, much better than he had all week. He was awake and aware, and the doctors did a great job making him as comfortable as he could be. Blake was so happy to see us and was purring softly in our arms. We thanked him for all the joy and memories he had brought us in all those years together (he’s been with me for a third of my life) and told him how much we loved him.
He fell asleep peacefully on our laps within seconds.
I am so thankful he gave us these last moments together. We will always love him and carry him in our hearts. The apartment seems so empty and quiet without his big fluffy presence, but I hope he’s watching over us and maybe his spirit will come and visit us from time to time.