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Relationship Development & Transformatio.. by Tod Jacobs & Peter Lynn - 10h ago

There’s nothing like going to the fresh-fruit section at your favorite market spot and picking out the juiciest pieces you can find. If you’re like us, then at one point or another, your eyes became bigger than your stomach. By the end of the week, those leftover pieces of fruit are turning brown and mushy and ultimately find their final destination reluctantly at the bottom of the waste bin.

Unfortunately, this isn’t just a shopping experience. This is the real reality of false expectations.

Here’s How It Works

When we get married, our lives are in front of us. The future is bright. We are emphatic about the prospect of future happiness and creating a path towards oneness with this other person. But shortly after marriage, the reality of “forever” settles in, and we are faced with a decision.

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The post Keeping It Fresh appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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In an article for the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, Emma Sepalla, director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University, cites the growing incidence of workplace stress among employees. She argues that a new field of research suggests when organizations promote an “ethic of compassion rather than a culture of stress, they may not only see a happier workplace, but also an upward bottom line.”

Claudio Fernandez-Araoz, writing in the Harvard Business Review Blogs, argues that organizations must develop a “culture of compassionate coaching.” This means not merely focusing coaching employees on their weaknesses, “and that creating a ‘culture of unconditional love’ binds the team together.”

Tim Sanders, author of  the book, Love Is A Killer App, argues “those of us who use love as a point of differentiation in business will separate ourselves from our competitors just as world-class distance runners separate themselves from the rest of the pack.”

Dirk van Dierendonck and Kathleen Patterson, writing in the Journal of Business Ethics, take a virtues perspective and show how servant leadership may encourage a more meaningful and optimal human functioning with a strong sense of community to current-day organizations. In essence, they propose that a leader’s propensity for compassionate love will encourage a virtuous attitude in terms of humility, gratitude, forgiveness and altruism. This virtuous attitude will give rise to servant leadership behavior in terms of empowerment, authenticity, stewardship and providing direction.

Sigel G. Barsade at the Wharton School of Business and Olivia A. O’Neill at the University of Pennsylvania published an article in Administration Quarterly in which they describe their longitudinal study of the culture of compassionate love in organizations. They found compassionate love positively relates to employee satisfaction and teamwork and negatively relates to employee absenteeism and emotional exhaustion.

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The post Compassionate and Empathetic Leaders appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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You are already going through a difficult time. Maybe you are recently divorced or broken up or maybe it’s been a while since any relationship took place. Either way, you may or may not already be experiencing some difficult times of your own. However, you are finally in a place where dating seems doable again.

Many thoughts may race through your head, “What will Johnny think?” “How will he take to the new guy?”  or”He is really going to have a hard time with this.” The first item of business: Do Not Assume.

We have no idea how your child is going to take to a new person being in your life or even you going on new dates.

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The post How To Tell Your Child You Are Dating Again appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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I remember back in the 1990s, when I was in graduate school studying to become a psychotherapist, it seemed like every professor ended up talking about “self-care.” I would think, “I hear that on Oprah. How could something so simple and trendy be such a big deal?”

Now, 15 years later, I find myself talking about self-care with all of my clients. It’s the cornerstone of a good life.

Self-care takes time and attention. It can be boring. It’s not sexy or dramatic. But ultimately it is a super powerful tool for transformation.

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The post Self-Care is a Big Deal for LGBT People appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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Physical Arousal: The Desire to Be Desired

The one other universal determinant of female attraction is the desire to be desired. There are data and new conclusions suggesting that women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired. Personal experience backs this up; your single ability to be sexually assertive with women will determine 80% of your success with women.

If the perception of status leads her to be psychologically aroused, then the desire to be pursued leads her to be sexually aroused.

In layman terms, the perception of status and psychological arousal makes her want to be your girlfriend. However, sexual arousal makes her want to have sex with you right there and then.

Women don’t light candles and lay in bathtubs and fantasize about condominiums and cars. They fantasize about far stranger things. This goes against the conventional idea that female attraction is solely tied to ideas and displays of security, investment, and commitment.

This is why Fifty Shades of Grey sold millions of copies all around the world. It’s literally porn for women. Why does a woman get turned off by the man who asks for permission when taking off her clothes but get turned on by the male who doesn’t hesitate in the bedroom? Why are women reported to have rape fantasies?

So what does all of this mean for you and me?

If you’re afraid to ask her out, afraid to kiss her or touch her, it’s going to be a turn-off for her. It means that your inability to assert yourself socially and sexually is going to turn her off. I can’t tell you the number of times I screwed this aspect up in tons of micro ways possible.

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The post Attracting Women – Know the Psychological Research appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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Yes is such a simple yet powerful word.

It can transform lives, move mountains, and change the world. Saying yes isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. To say yes requires trust: trust in yourself; trust in the hunches that you are receiving; and trust that you can accomplish whatever you are saying yes to. More than likely, it is something that you haven’t had the opportunity to do before – and that involves risk. I know that I am headed in the right direction if something feels both “scary and fun.”

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The post Boldly Say Yes! appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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One of the things I help my private clients do is identify the patterns of engagement with their spouses, specifically how they argue or disagree with one another.  It usually looks something like this:

She expresses something that hurt her, such as, “You don’t listen to or understand me.”

He takes that as a personal attack and now feels the need to defend himself.

She tries to get him to see her perspective.

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The post Our Arguments Never Get Resolved appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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Many people develop anxiety disorders as a result of stressful work conditions. Toxic work environments or stressful tasks can create chronic stress and cause long-term physical and mental health issues for people. Anxiety on the job is a reality that we all face.

These seven tips will help you to be more empowered and proactive about managing the stress and anxiety you face on the job and in your life.

Check out these stress-free strategies to stay in control of anxiety while at work.

How to Conquer Anxiety on the Job:

1. Get a “Life Wellness Plan”

Without a Life Wellness Plan, your chances of dealing with anxiety on the job are pretty much zero.

Your personal life wellness plan is the foundation from which you build and maintain both your physical and mental strength. A wellness plan strengthens your resilience, which is key to you successfully managing the disruptive and stressful situations in work and personal life.

The way you manage your physical and mental well-being is entirely up to you. Work out what physical activities you enjoy, then commit to doing them on a regular basis.

Social interaction is also important to your mental well-being, and it takes effort and commitment to sustain positive, healthy relationships in your life. Put in the time to be involved and engaged in the positive aspects of your life. These relationships will be key to helping you get through the tough times in your work and personal life.

2. Take Action Early

Dale Carnegie gives the advice:

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

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The post 7 Tips for Dealing with Anxiety While on the Job appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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So where do couples get stuck in their relationships? In my long years of doing couples’ therapy, I’ve found that there are five key areas where couples struggle. If you are able to master these, you have a solid foundation for a successful relationship.

See how well you do in each of these areas. 1. Speak up.

This translates into several issues. Speaking up as opposed to biting your tongue and walking on eggshells. Speaking up to let your partner know what is bothering you, what you need. Speaking up to broadcast your emotions, letting your partner know your emotional state – irritable, depressed, anxious, etc. – both so that your partner doesn’t misread you, and so that he or she can know how to help. Speaking up to let the other person know what makes you tick – this is the foundation of intimacy.

Where couples fall down is when they do none or only some of the above. They bite their tongues, refrain from letting their partners know what they need, avoid letting others know their emotional states, and instead spray their emotions around the room, or hold back and simply do not let the other person into their mental and emotional world.

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The post Successful Relationships: Five Key Elements appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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Whether you’re cheering for a new year, a sports team, or a birthday, it feels good. Could there be lasting benefits?

Such benefits were reported by Nick Hornby in his book, Fever Pitch. He explains that his seven-year depression suddenly lifted after cheering the victory of his favorite team. This took him by surprise, and he was even embarrassed by it. He couldn’t believe his emotions could depend on something so banal, yet his gloom coincided precisely with Arsenal’s seven-year losing streak.

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The post How Cheering Something or Someone On Can Help You, Too appeared first on Relationship Development and Transformation.

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