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According to the US Department of Labor, more than a third of college-educated women pause their careers for some amount of time to raise their children. But more often than not, the jobs we leave behind aren’t waiting for us with open arms when we’d like to return.

How do we own the time we’ve spent out of the workforce raising kids without apologizing for it?  How do we re-enter careers that have shifted in our absence- or create entirely new opportunities for ourselves?

photo credit: Mike Smith

We talk it all out with guest Christina Geist, a brand strategist, entrepreneur and children’s book author who lives in New York City with her husband (NBC and MSNBC host Willie Geist!) and her two children.

Christina’s second children’s book, Sorry Grown-Ups, You Can’t Go To School!, is just out from Random House this week. It’s the perfect positive back-to-school read for your little one.

In this episode Christina tells us how she bridged the mom gap and launched “a 2.0 version of myself in my 40s that my 20s self would have been so relieved to meet.”

Find out more about Christina, her new book, and Boombox Gifts on her website: christinageist.com.

Here are links to the research and writing on the mom gap that we discuss in this episode:

Katie Weisshaar for Harvard Business Review: Stay-at-Home Moms Are Half as Likely to Get a Job Interview as Moms Who Got Laid Off

Dorie Clark for Harvard Business Review: How Stay-at-Home Parents Can Transition Back to Work

Lisa Evans for Fast Company: 5 Ways To Eliminate The Stay-At-Home Mom Gap

Lisen Stronberg: Work PAUSE Thrive: How to Pause for Parenthood Without Killing Your Career

Wendy Wallbridge: Spiraling Upward: The 5 Co-Creative Powers for Women on the Rise

Special thanks to this week’s sponsors: 

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

Hello Fresh offers a variety of chef-curated recipes with pre-measured ingredients that come right to your door in recyclable packaging. When you get home, you’ll have everything you need to get dinner on the table in 35 minutes or less! Right now you can get $80 off your first month of Hello Fresh by going to HelloFresh.com/laughing80 and use the promo code LAUGHING80.

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Most parenting experts say being our kids’ safe space includes letting some amount of their snarkiness roll off our backs. It’s normal. Don’t take it personally. And knowing that it’s universal helps. Sometimes. A little.

But we still struggle. Shouldn’t we insist on respect from our kids? And what happens when the eye-rolling and “God, Mom, don’t you know anything?” really starts to wear us down?

In this episode we discuss why kids take things out on us as parents (spoiler alert: it gets worse before it gets better) and how we can lower our reactivity in order to respond more effectively.

Here’s links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss:
Christa Santangelo, PhD: A New Theory of Teenagers (book)
Alice G. Walton for The Atlantic: 12 Ways to Mess Up Your Kids
Sara Bean for Empowering Parents: “I Hate You, Mom! I Wish You Were Dead!” — When Kids Say Hurtful Things
Kim Abraham for Empowering Parents: Anger, Rage and Explosive Outbursts: How to Respond to Your Child or Teen’s Anger
Janet Lehman for Empowering Parents: Do Your Kids Respect You? 9 Ways to Change Their Attitude
Stephanie Klindt: 10 Ways To Set Appropriate Boundaries With Teens
Dr. Wendy Mogel: Mothers, don’t take teen rejection personally

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode: 

Thinking about re-entering the workforce? Or changing things up? Take a look at University of California, Irvine and their Continuing Education programs.  100% online courses offer convenience and flexibility but also an immersive classroom experience- even collaboration with your peers- on your schedule. UCI continuing education can help you create a new side hustle, or get transferable credits toward your masters after the kids go to sleep.  Fall quarter is coming up and it can be back to school for us too! Go to ce.uci.edu/whatfreshhell and enter the promo code “FRESH” to get 15% off any course.

Plant Package is a subscription box that sends you everything you need to get you and your family gardening. You get durable seasonal plants (we got basil and strawberries), a container, soil, plant food… you put it all together in like 15 minutes… and you’re gardening! Right now, Plant Package is offering listeners of What Fresh Hell a FREE first box! Just visit PlantPackage.com/fresh to choose a delivery option — then use promo code FRESH at checkout.

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

Prep Dish is a healthy, subscription-based meal-planning service that tells you what to shop for and what to cook in order to make delicious meals for the whole week. 1 to 3 hours of weekend prep, and you’re all set. Prep Dish makes it easy for you and your family to eat gluten-free, Paleo— and now Keto! If you’ve been curious about Keto, try Prep Dish free for two weeks: prepdish.com/wfh.

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What is empathy, exactly? It involves both emotion and action. For our kids, it’s an acquired skill- one that needs our guidance and encouragement to be cultivated.

In this episode we discuss why empathy needs to be taught in the first place, when is the right age to start, the difference between pity and empathy, and how becoming more empathetic can benefit yourself (and your own kids) just as it benefits others.

Amy Webb says that establishing sameness is a great place to start:

Once your child has some understanding that some people are different, now is a great time to find some common ground: “I bet she likes a lot of the same toys/games/food that you like.” You can then ask the child or the child’s caregiver what they like to do. Establishing sameness is KEY. This is when the light goes on and children realize, “Oh, she’s just another kid, like me. We are more alike than different!”

Here are links to research and other writing on empathy that we discuss in this episode:

Jacqueline Woodson’s Each Kindness is an award-winning book for school-aged children about what happens when empathy is not chosen

Amy Webb for A Cup of Jo: How To Navigate a Special Needs Encounter 

Katie Hurley for Scary Mommy: How Can I Teach My Child Empathy?

Sumathi Reddy for the Wall Street Journal: Little Children and Already Acting Mean

Dr. Chris McCarthy: Turn Around Anxiety

Photo by Charlein Gracia on Unsplash

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode: 

Ana Luisa is bringing exceptional jewelry into the life of every woman. Its founders come from the world of high-fashion jewelry. Their mission? To offer the same high quality directly to you – without the high mark-up. Check their designs out at analuisa.com/whatfreshhell and use the code LAUGHING10 to get $10 off your first purchase! 

Hopster is a subscription app for kids ages 2-6 that is safe, ad-free, and strikes a perfect balance between learning and fun. Let Hopster keep your little ones busy with over 800 TV episodes, a hundred songs and nursery rhymes, and curriculum- based learning games, all in one SAFE place. (Kids can watch offline, too!) Hopster usually offers a free week to new users, but What Fresh Hell listeners can extend that to a free month. Go to hopster.tv/register and use the code LAUGHING to get an extended 1-month free trial. 

Native Deodorant is formulated with clean ingredients like coconut oil and shea butter- and without aluminum, parabens, and talc that none of us really need to be putting under our arms. We particularly love the Eucalyptus and Mint scent, but why not try them all? With free returns and free exchanges, there’s no risk to try. Go to nativedeodorant.com and enter the code laughing to get 20% off your first purchase. 

Prep Dish is a healthy, subscription-based meal-planning service that tells you what to shop for and what to cook in order to make delicious meals for the whole week. 1 to 3 hours of weekend prep, and you’re all set. Prep Dish makes it easy for you and your family to eat gluten-free, Paleo— and now Keto! If you’ve been curious about Keto, try Prep Dish free for two weeks: prepdish.com/wfh.

Have you been procrastinating finishing your will? Thanks to Trust and Will, you can finish a state-specific, legally binding will online in just ten minutes. Guardianships start at $39 and wills and just $69! Get 10% off by going to trustandwill.com/fresh

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What are your House Rules- the absolutes that keep your home life tolerable? The ones kids know so well they self-police? We asked all of you to tell us your House Rules… and we have a few of our own to share, as well.

Whether these words to live by are hanging in your kitchen written in cutesy script on a faux-weathered piece of wood (“In this house we give hugs”) or have been implanted in your children’s brains simply by your repeatedly screaming them, here are your (and our) best House Rules for

  • screens
  • fighting
  • pets
  • personal space
  • the dinner table
  • sleep
  • Saturdays
  • secrets
  • and being nice.

Special thanks to our sponsors for this week: 

Mockingbird makes seriously the coolest stroller they’ve ever seen. It’s got all the nifty one-hand closing and smooth riding you see in the premium brands- plus new innovations like hidden storage pockets and a peekaboo window. Best of all, Mockingbird sells direct-to-consumer, which means significant savings! Go to hellomockingbird.com and use our code FRESH to save 10% off a Mockingbird stroller. 

Wander Beauty makes multitasking, multipurpose essentials that you will actually use every day. The essential we love this week: the Trip for Two blush and bronzer combo. It gives you a nice natural glow with zero glitter- perfect for looking not-dead and not-crazy in your daily mom life. Everything Wander Beauty makes is cruelty-free, mess-free and stress-free! Get 20% off your purchase at wanderbeauty.com/laughing

Plant Package is a subscription box that sends you everything you need to get you and your family gardening. You get durable seasonal plants (we got basil and strawberries), a container, soil, plant food… you put it all together in like 15 minutes… and you’re gardening! Right now, Plant Package is offering listeners of What Fresh Hell a FREE first box! Just visit PlantPackage.com/fresh to choose a delivery option — then use promo code FRESH at checkout.

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

Are you expecting a baby or know someone who is? Transition To Parenthood is a ten-episode podcast covering all the key information expectant parents need about labor, birth, coping with labor pain, and the first few weeks of caring for a new baby.  It’s by Janelle Durham, a mom of three, doula, childbirth educator, and author who covers research-based information in a practical, accessible way. Check out Transition to Parenthood Podcast, available on all podcasting apps.

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Mom tribes are a thing… for some of us. Others find it harder to make and maintain fun, easygoing friendships with other parents.

But should we feel bad if we don’t have a “Sex and the City”-style group that are all equally close and whom we see three times a week?

Our listener Hester describes a mom tribe this way:

  • like-minded moms with similar age kids who have one another’s backs
  • can be one or many, depending on your comfort level
  • more precious than ever when the traditional support system of close family is not availableIn this episode, we discuss our listeners’ advice on how to find mom tribes, how to deepen connections with the one you may already have– plus whether online tribes count (yes).  In a day and age when our siblings and parents might live far away, it’s worth investing ourselves in the communities that can happen wherever we are.
Here’s how writer Jenny Anderson explains it:
I used to think that community was as simple as having friends who bring a lasagna when things fall apart and champagne when things go well. Who pick up your kids from school when you can’t. But I think community is also an insurance policy against life’s cruelty; a kind of immunity against loss and disappointment and rage. My community will be here for my family if I cannot be. And if I die, my kids will be surrounded people who know and love them, quirks and warts and oddities and all.

By the way, our Facebook group is a tribe of really cool, funny, supportive parents- join us!

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Special thanks to our sponsors for this week: 

Ana Luisa is bringing exceptional jewelry into the life of every woman. Its founders come from the world of high-fashion jewelry. Their mission? To offer the same high quality directly to you – without the high mark-up. Check their designs out at​ analuisa.com/whatfreshhell ​and use the code LAUGHING10 to get​ $10 off your first purchase! 

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

Prep Dish is a healthy, subscription-based meal-planning service that tells you what to shop for and what to cook in order to make delicious meals for the whole week. 1 to 3 hours of weekend prep, and you’re all set. Prep Dish makes it easy for you and your family to eat gluten-free, Paleo— and now Keto! If you’ve been curious about Keto, try Prep Dish free for two weeks: prepdish.com/wfh.

Pretty Litter is kitty litter 2.0. It’s shipped right to our door in a lightweight bag that lasts us all month. It’s got next-level odor protection. It even changes colors to detect underlying illnesses before urgent medical care is needed. Go to prettylitter.com and use the code FRESH for 20% off your order. 

Have you been procrastinating finishing your will? Thanks to Trust and Will, you can finish a state-specific, legally binding will online in just ten minutes. Guardianships start at $39 and wills and just $69! Get 10% off by going to trustandwill.com/fresh

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Studies show that risky play creates what Dr. Ellen Sandseter calls a “motivating, thrilling activation,” building self-confidence and self-esteem.

Message received: we’re supposed to allow our kids to take risks. But how risky? Like thin-ice risky? What if our kids are fraidy-cats? What if we are?

In this episode we discuss the differences between risks and hazards and how to bring healthy doses of risk into our kids’ lives. Our kids need to learn what discomfort is- and how to deal with it- in order to feel competent and confident in the world.

We also talk expanding the boundaries of what’s acceptable for our little ones with Evangeline Lilly— yes, that Evangeline Lilly!

The award-winning star of TV’s Lost and films like Avengers: Endgame and The Hobbit is also the author of The Squickerwonkers book series, which Evangeline wrote to “open a portal for children of all ages to face and talk about the darker sides of their own natures.” (Think Lemony Snicket meets Edward Gorey, with impossibly gorgeous illustrations by Rodrigo Bastos Didier.)

Here’s links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:

Jennifer King Lindley for Parents: Science Says Let Your Kid Push Boundaries

Dr. Mariana Brussoni: Risky Play: Losing a Childhood “Right” of Passage- and a Tool to Help Protect That Right

Dr. Ellen Sandseter et all: Children’s Risky Play from an Evolutionary Perspective: The Anti-Phobic Effects of Thrilling Experiences

Susan Davis and Nancy Eppler-Wolff:  Raising Children Who Soar: A Guide to Risk Taking in an Uncertain World. 

Dr. Jim Taylor: Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child 

Photo by Olia Nayda on Unsplash

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode:

Hopster is a subscription app for kids ages 2-6 that is safe, ad-free, and strikes a perfect balance between learning and fun. Let Hopster keep your little ones busy with over 800 TV episodes, a hundred songs and nursery rhymes, and curriculum- based learning games, all in one SAFE place. (Kids can watch offline, too!) Hopster usually offers a free week to new users, but What Fresh Hell listeners can extend that to a free month. Go tohopster.tv/register and use the code LAUGHING to get an extended 1-month free trial. 

Hello Fresh offers a variety of chef-curated recipes with pre-measured ingredients that come right to your door in recyclable packaging. When you get home, you’ll have everything you need to get dinner on the table in 35 minutes or less! Right now you can get $80 off your first month of Hello Fresh by going to HelloFresh.com/laughing80 and use the promo code LAUGHING80.

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The familiarity of long-term relationships is the best thing about them…and the worst.

When our spouses’ chewing or throat-clearing is enough to send us around the bend, how do we make our relationships work for the long haul?

We discuss the latest research with Belinda Luscombe, author of the informative (and hilarious) new book MARRIAGEOLOGY: THE ART AND SCIENCE OF STAYING TOGETHER. After writing about relationships for Time magazine for a decade, Belinda draws on expert advice (and twenty-seven years in the marital trenches) to explain why marriage is better for your health, your finances, your kids, and your happiness.

Luscombe argues that we don’t find our soulmates- we become them, one day at a time:

This is what love is, actually. Not a fluttery feeling… but a willingness to throw down for that person, a conscious decision to do whatever you can to make that person’s life a little better, more fun, less stressful.

We loved this book and this interview!

Here are links to some of the research and other things we discuss in this episode:

Nick North and his “number system” for avoiding misunderstandings

John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (that can threaten any marriage)

University of Georgia study which found expressing gratitude toward your spouse was most significant predictor of marital quality

and the slightly baffling how-to-not-do-relationships song I’ve Never Been To Me

Special thanks to our sponsors for this week: 

Ana Luisa is bringing exceptional jewelry into the life of every woman. Its founders come from the world of high-fashion jewelry. Their mission? To offer the same high quality directly to you – without the high mark-up. Check their designs out at​ analuisa.com/whatfreshhell ​and use the code LAUGHING10 to get​ $10 off your first purchase! 

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

Harper Wilde makes bras for actual real women with better stuff to do than… shop for bras. Take their “What’s My Size?” online quiz and you can click your way to a whole new wardrobe of bras shipped right to your door. We love their “Base” everyday lightly-lined bra- it’s basically the only bra Amy wears. Comfortable, invisible under clothes- who could ask for anything more? Go to harperwilde.com/laughing and use the promo code LAUGHING to get 15% off your first purchase! 

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

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Got kids? Got exhaustion. Every age has its sleep challenges, and in this episode we discuss the absolute best sleep hacks for getting babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and even older kids napping, sleeping, and staying asleep.

Here are just a few of the topics you will hear about in this chock-full-of-useful-advice episode:

  • the importance of routine for even the youngest children
  • the absolute essential-ness of REAL blackout shades (Amy loves this cheap and easy-to-install brand)
  • why the sleep sack isn’t just for babies
  • how to get preschoolers to stay in bed past the first crack of dawn
  • when co-sleeping might be the best answer
  • the best playlists and apps to help set the sleepytime mood
  • why sleep training is never a matter of “one and done”

Special thanks to everyone who sent in sleep hacks for this episode, especially:

Lori Strong and Sara Strong of Strong Little Sleepers
Dr. Sarah Mitchell of Helping Babies Sleep
Patti Smith Barrett of The Pickup Line, a daily newsletter for moms
Rachel of Cha Ching Queen
Huckleberry Sleep App 

And special thanks to our sponsors for this week: 

Prep Dish is a healthy, subscription-based meal-planning service that tells you what to shop for and what to cook in order to make delicious meals for the whole week. 1 to 3 hours of weekend prep, and you’re all set. Prep Dish makes it easy for you and your family to eat gluten-free, Paleo— and now Keto! If you’ve been curious about Keto, try Prep Dish free for two weeks: prepdish.com/wfh.

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

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http://traffic.megaphone.fm/WFH2337414775.mp3

Have you ever considered selling the house, homeschooling the kids, and traveling for a year? Has a job or life change ever thrust a cross-country move, or other radical change, upon your family? Does the very notion strike terror in your heart?

In this episode, we discuss how to prepare for— and make— big changes as a family. Change feels huger and scarier when you have kids, in part because routine and structure and familiarity are the things that kids crave, and need in order to survive.

But our guest Jill Krause argues that structure, routine, and family togetherness can be found in all sorts of places. Jill’s Happy Loud Life YouTube channel has chronicled the travels of her family of six as they spent the last sixteen months touring the United States in an RV. With— you read that right— four children. Including a toddler.

So nobody is saying radical change is easy. If it were, there’d be no point in undergoing it. But change is possible. And it doesn’t always mean permanent. What “change” means, in fact, is entirely up to you and your family.

Here’s links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode:

I Miss You When I Blink, Mary Laura Philpott’s terrific new memoir on giving yourself permission to change
Carl Richards for NYT: Hesitant to Make That Big Life Change? Permission Granted
healthychildren.org-  Helping Children Adjust to a Move
Peaceful Parent Institute – Helping Children Adjust to Change

Special thanks to our sponsor for this week:

Carbona has a wide range of cleaning and home care solutions that deliver serious results for everything from laundry to carpets to washing machines. We are particular fans of the 2 in 1 Carpet Cleaner- nothing works better on our front hall rug and its hard soccer-cleat, dog-paws life. Start living your life unstained! Go to carbona.com and use the code FRESH to save 20% off your entire order.

We’ve partnered with a great new iPhone app called Airr that lets you save and share the best moments of this (or any!) podcast. With one click Airr captures the moments that stand out to you while you’re listening, and then allows you to send the clips to your friends or share them on social media. Airr is a free app that’s currently in private beta, but What Fresh Hell listeners can get early access to the app by going to http://bit.ly/airr-whatfreshhell

photo: @juanmount on unsplash

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http://traffic.megaphone.fm/WFH8010951077.mp3

According to researcher Patrick Ishizuka “intensive parenting has become the dominant cultural model.” Sounds about right.

We spend triple the time actively engaging with our kids that our own parents did with us. And even then, we all feel guilty that we’re not doing more. (Or that we kind of hate playing with LOL Surprise! Dolls, and we aren’t hiding it very well.)

But is more always better? Are our modern hyper-organized days creating children who have no idea how to occupy themselves, who need either a screen or one-on-one adult attention at all times? Do we *have* to play with our kids? Is there a way for parenting to feel a little less relentless?

Here are links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode:

Claire Cain Miller for the New York Times: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
Rebecca Onion for Slate: Playtime is Over
Suzanne M. Bianchi et al: Changing Rhythms of American Family Life
Janet Lansbury: RIE Parenting Basics (9 Ways to Put Respect into Action)

Special thanks to our sponsors for this episode: 

Casper has a new Hybrid Collection mattress that combines the pressure relief of their award-winning foam with durable-yet-gentle springs. It’s the best of both worlds- luxurious comfort and resilient support! Plus increased airflow to keep you cool once you’re asleep. Even with springs, the Casper Hybrid mattresses still come to your doorstep in a box! And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper’s 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial. Go to casper.com/laughing and enter the code LAUGHING for $100 off select Casper mattresses. 

Hopster is a subscription app for kids ages 2-6 that is safe, ad-free, and strikes a perfect balance between learning and fun. Let Hopster keep your little ones busy with over 800 TV episodes, a hundred songs and nursery rhymes, and curriculum- based learning games, all in one SAFE place. (Kids can watch offline, too!) Hopster usually offers a free week to new users, but What Fresh Hell listeners can extend that to a free month. Go to hopster.tv/register and use the code LAUGHING to get an extended 1-month free trial. 

Hello Fresh offers a variety of chef-curated recipes with pre-measured ingredients that come right to your door in recyclable packaging. When you get home, you’ll have everything you need to get dinner on the table in 35 minutes or less! Right now you can get $80 off your first month of Hello Fresh by going to HelloFresh.com/laughing80 and use the promo code LAUGHING80.

Photo by Shitota Yuri on Unsplash

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