Divorce Advice and Support from Wevorce.com. Wevorce helps couples ensure their divorce is less damaging to themselves, their finances and the people they love. With Wevorce you are guided step-by-step through the process with as much or as little help as you need.
After a divorce, your entire life is changed. You have to think of the most unexpected hacks to take care of all responsibilities without help. Laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, work, kids, and maybe, just maybe, a chance for a new relationship… If you don’t have a job, you’ll have to start looking for it, and there’s no time for delays. For all of us who are far from being superheroes, all this may be a bit too much.
Here’s a super-hack that works: start working from home! You’ll be able to organize your time in a much more productive way. What could possibly bring you money from home? Writing! If your writing skills are on point, you can start your new career today!
Are you having doubts about turning writing into a business after divorce? We’ll give you seven convincing reasons to try it!
1. Age is not a factor.
The freelance writing industry is open for everyone. If you’re over the age of 18 and you have an Internet connection, you’re welcome to try! That’s a huge relief, isn’t it? The clients won’t ask how old you are. In case they do ask, most of them will perceive your age as experience, so they might be even more willing to work with you.
If you’re good at expressing yourself, you won’t have too much to learn. You invest some time into exploring the best blogs for writers with useful information, so you’ll master the techniques of blogging and SEO, and understand how the writing industry works. Then, you’ll be ready to hit the job market.
2. You already have some experience.
The best freelance writers don’t necessarily have too much job experience. They have a different kind of experience: life. You have that, too. When you join a freelancing platform, you’ll pick a niche. This niche will be related to your knowledge, interests, and passion. If you own a degree in anything, you can turn that area of study into your niche. You can write about healthy food, parenting, meditation, literature, or whatever else you’re experienced in.
To showcase some experience, you can start your own blog. It doesn’t have to be advanced. Just pick your favorite niche, pay attention to the design (WordPress is really easy to get around), and publish a few pieces of content that showcase your skills. When you start applying for freelance writing jobs, the clients will want to see some of your work. Even if you don’t have real experience with freelancing gigs, the blog will serve as an online portfolio.
3. You’ll be working from home.
This is one of the major reasons why many divorced people decide to try freelancing. The work from home seems ideal since it enables to balance out their responsibilities. You can take care of the kids, prepare some lunch, and do your job at the same time.
Yes; the jobs will come with deadlines. If, for example, you’re writing for an online magazine, they will demand an in-depth article within few days. You’ll have to plan your time in a way that enables you to meet that deadline. This means that you do need to focus. However, you can still play with your schedule, so you’ll have time for everything else, too. Freelance writing doesn’t have to be a nine-to-five job — unless you really want that.
The point is: you accept as much work as you’re able to do. That flexibility is gold! You’ll have time to show your children some love, and that’s the biggest gift they need after the divorce.
4. This career makes you wiser.
Freelance writing is a career that encourages you to learn new things every single day. If you don’t know much about search engine optimization, you’ll have to do some research. That knowledge will make you better at this job. If a client is asking you to write a piece on big data although that topic is not within your niche, you’ll have to research and learn a lot before you even start writing that article.
You’ll be learning new things every single day. If parenting is your niche, these pieces of wisdom will be really useful for you and your children. You’ll be writing about natural medicine, parenting techniques, motivation, education, and so on. Whatever niche you choose for your writing business, it will be making you smarter by the day.
5. It gets easier with time.
At the beginning, freelance writing may be hard. You’ll have troubles organizing your time. Some of your clients will repeatedly ask for revisions. Finding clients is the biggest issue. Beginners usually get the one-time gigs. When you gain enough experience and you improve your reputation, however, things will become easier.
You’ll get returning clients, who will provide a regular workflow for you. Since you’ll be getting used to their topics, writing a single article will start taking less and less time. You’ll know what the client is looking for, so the chances of misunderstandings will be minimal.
With time, you’ll notice that you’re spending less time on your work, but you might be making even more money than you used to at the beginning. This means more time for your kids and your newly-obtained personal life.
6. You can get a vacation anytime.
Are your kids asking you to take them somewhere over the weekend? Do you want to take them on a lovely summer vacation? You don’t have to ask the boss and arrange the time with your colleagues. You can take time off freelance writing whenever you want to, and you can go back to it whenever you want to.
Even better: you can do some writing during the vacation, so you’ll be making money to support the adventures along the way.
7. There’s no need for an investment.
After the divorce, finances are a big issue. If you don’t have a lot of savings to start a traditional business, then freelancing is just perfect for you. All you need is a laptop and a stable Internet connection. No investment whatsoever.
It’s easy to start. It’s exciting. Depending on the effort you invest, it will bring you money. It leaves you with space for all responsibilities you have after the divorce. Freelance writing may be the perfect business to start at this point!
About the Author: Laura Buckler is a contributor and a freelance writer. She is motivated by an endless curiosity about how the world works and how a person can navigate it without getting lost. She feels like she is on this journey together with her readers. You can follow her on Twitter.
Following my divorce a few years back, I matched on a dating site with a guy from my area, and we immediately began emailing.
Because we were both local, he suggested meeting for a quick drink that same evening. I was hesitant to go being it was on such short notice, so I asked a friend for her opinion. She said she thought it would be okay but suggested requesting we have a phone call first, which he was happy to accommodate. After only a few minutes, under five to be exact, I determined that he sounded normal (whatever that means) and agreed to meet him.
Lucky for me, he turned out to be normal. And nice! However, I neglected to tell my friend (another single mom) who had given me the thumbs up for the last minute date that all was well. When she didn’t hear from me, and I neglected to answer her numerous calls and texts, she panicked and enlisted the help of a mutual friend to call me at the restaurant where I was having a drink to make sure I was alive and well.
Embarrassing? Yes. Overkill? Debatable. After all, when we make the acquaintance of someone online, we don’t know much, if anything, about them. In this case, the guy turned out to be harmless. (What he also turned out be was another friend’s soon-to-be ex-husband. Awkward…)
To avoid having this ever happen again, as well as preventing any other potentially compromising situations including putting myself in harm’s way, I have since implemented a few dating rules for myself. Although they’re not foolproof, I find these guidelines do make my dating experience a more positive, if not, productive one. Here they are.
1. Schedule a phone call first.
I’ve heard many different opinions on this topic: you need to meet in person to tell if there’s chemistry, some people aren’t good on the phone, and how much better it is to be spontaneous. While all these reasons make sense, I still find a phone call saves me time, effort, and money traveling to meet someone in person I already know I have no interest in dating.
During that initial call, I can determine a lot, including whether their family and living situation is right for me and, in a most basic sense, whether I enjoy speaking with them and want to get to know them better. A little more than five minutes is probably your best bet (wink, wink).
2. Don’t give out too much personal information.
Of course, people can say anything they want during a call, much of which you have no way of verifying, especially their state of mind. That’s why you should make it a point to keep certain details about your life private.
Use your judgment. If you’re talking to someone you have no connection with whatsoever, giving out your home address is a bad idea. If you have friends in common, revealing what part of town you live in is probably okay. The point is to be aware of the information you are giving out and to whom.
3. Let someone know where you’re going.
Then stay in touch with that person, so he or she knows you’re safe. Had I followed this rule on the date I described above, I could have avoided the bartender telling me in front of the guy I was with that I had a phone call, making me feel like Norm from Cheers. All kidding aside, staying in touch is a rule that could potentially save your life.
4. Meet in a public place.
Meeting in public should entail there are people around. I had a guy once ask if I wanted to go for a late afternoon walk in a park I had never been to before in a town I didn’t know. Thanks but no thanks. Don’t go anywhere where you’re not comfortable. And if that’s not cool with the person you’re planning to meet, by all means, don’t go!
5. Keep your wits about you.
A date is about getting to know someone better. Because you don’t know that person well yet, you may not know what their triggers are. Conversations can turn quickly, especially if there’s alcohol involved, so be aware of how much you’re drinking.
Also, not everyone deals well with rejection. I was once in a situation where, although I was polite, the guy I was with got the sense I wasn’t interested in seeing him again and berated me over text message minutes after parting ways. I was thankful I had followed rules two, three, four, and five above, and regretted not following number one. If I had, I’m pretty sure the date would never have happened. But, then again, neither would have this list.
Stay safe out there!
About the Author: Stacey Freeman is a writer and blogger from the New York City area, a divorced single mom, lifestyle editor at Worthy.com, and the founder and managing director of Write On Track, LLC, a full-service consultancy dedicated to providing high-quality content to individuals and businesses. A respected voice for divorce issues affecting both women and men, Stacey has been published in The Washington Post, Entrepreneur, Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Day, Town & Country, HuffPost, xoJane, Scary Mommy, CafeMom, MariaShriver.com, The Good Men Project, and various well-known platforms worldwide.
When we start to think of about breaking up, we tend to think we have fallen out of love. As we begin to think about transitioning out of a relationship it is very common to draw a line in the sand — that you either love someone or you don’t.
We inherit this either-or thinking from the filter of how we felt when we first fell in love, from our friends, family, and our culture that tell us “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage” — which leads us right into the fairy tale of “Happily Ever After.”
Breaking through these images of the fairytales is the fact that half of all couples who utter the words “till death do us part” will ultimately want to undo that pledge. We often hear of tragic tales that end with lawyers turning heroes into villains and couples pledging to a judge that they will “never be happy together again.”
In the midst of the fairy tales and tales of tragedy, what you may not have heard of is another kind of love story. These are the stories of the couples who chose to begin again, that somehow find a way to honor their vows to each other — even while they remove the legal titles of “husband” and “wife.” After helping thousands of these Begin Again couples through their divorce, I now know they all have one thing in common — love.
These Begin Again couples love harder and struggle less than most married couples I meet. Their friends and family will often be confused why these couples get divorced because they seem to get along so well now.
Begin Again couples have unplugged from the fairytale because they realize that every day they have the opportunity to choose their own adventure and whether they like it or not it, they become active editors of their love stories because they know it is ultimately up to them to define Happily Ever After.
Begin Againers know they get the love they think they deserve, so they challenge their thoughts, their spouses, and the professionals around them so they can rewrite the templates of marriage and divorce to editing out the parts that try to erase love.
Here are a few things I have learned from the Begin Againers as I have watched them love harder and struggle less:
Going through a divorce is a shock to the body and soul, but they have the courage to move through it with grace.
Their relationship story has two truthful and relevant perspectives.
They believe that parenting can be successful in two homes.
They know their children are resilient. They give respect, honesty, time, and the space needed to recover from this transition and they know they will recover to have a gracious life.
They feel rejection and love every day. But, they chose laughter, vulnerability and compassion to soothe the feelings of rejection. And they share the love with our children, family, friends and community.
Divorce does not change their responsibilities and commitments as parents.
They get Wevorced, not divorced. This means the divorce settlement they create will become the foundation of their new hopeful lives that follow. The settlement will be fair in the short and long term. It will financially and emotionally support both of them and the children.
They know forgiveness heals, and so does time.
About the Author: Michelle Crosby is the founder and CEO of Wevorce. She is the child of a painful divorce, a divorcee, and a former attorney specializing in dispute resolution. Years after being asked, “If you were stranded on a desert island, which parent would you want to live with?” during her parents’ divorce battle, Crosby built her own career as an attorney with the intent to change the impact divorce has on families.
Even though many people are choosing to wait until later in life to get married, or not get married at all, there is still a very high divorce rate in the US.
There are many reasons why couples end up getting divorced. But one factor can be work-related — specifically the career choices one or both partners make. There are actually many jobs that have a much higher divorce rate than others. Let’s take a look at ten careers that are among the highest in divorce rates.
Gaming Cage Worker – This is a career where people are responsible for a lot of money, including changing money for gambling chips, handling casino cash, etc. Further, if one’s ethics excuse dishonesty within the industry, chances are they will be the same in their marriage. Also, the employment rate in this line of work is looking bleak.
Gaming Service Worker – It is not just the cage workers who have a high divorce rate. Pretty much anyone in the casino industry, including gaming service workers, has a higher risk of getting a divorce. Not only are these workers meeting a lot of new people (and potential lovers), they are also working around alcohol and other substances which can lower inhibitions.
Bartender – A job that has one of the highest divorce rates is bartending. There may be several reasons for this, beginning with the keeping of late hours, especially on the weekends. There is also a high volume of alcohol in this environment, as well as a number of people who are looking to hook up, perhaps with a sexy bartender.
Factory Worker – It may seem surprising, but factory workers have a high divorce rate. This could be because they often work in low-paying positions, so they may be unable to pull their financial weight in a marital relationship. Also, as a general rule, factory workers tend to not have much post-high-school education. Additionally, they are often not engaging in work that stimulates them intellectually and may not have a professional backup plan for pursuing a new career.
Nurse – This is a highly stressful occupation, not to mention one that involves a level of intimacy with patients. Nurses work extremely long hours, and being away from home so much can strain a marriage. Also, it is not uncommon for nurses (or other health care workers) to fall in love with a patient and/or be unfaithful.
Entertainer – Both entertainers and professional athletes rank high on the list of careers with high divorce rates. After all, these figures typically receive a lot of attention, and they are often on the road for several months at a time. This kind of attention is often very appealing to those in the public eye who may be traveling but are still craving intimacy and reprieve from fans and crowds.
Dancer – This career has one of the highest divorce rates, perhaps because dancers must be so intimately in tune with their partners. This type of intimacy can turn a pair of dancers into more than just friends and partners — which could lead to extramarital affairs, and eventually divorce.
Massage Therapist – Most married people don’t like their spouse to have extended physical contact with others, so this may have something to do with the high rate of divorce among massage therapists. After all, this line of work requires touching people — while in a private and intimate environment — all day long. A client may develop a crush on a massage therapist, which can lead to more than just a client/therapist relationship. And even if no infidelity occurs, feelings of jealousy can erode a marriage.
Telephone Operator – It may seem hard to believe, but telephone operators are in a high divorce rate career. This may be because they are dealing with people getting angry, hanging up, etc. on a daily basis, and they might end up bringing their frustrations from work home and taking things out on their spouses.
Extruding Machine Operator – The reason why this job has a high divorce rate may be its long hours. This job often requires people to work longer shifts, night shifts, and even weekend shifts, so they don’t get to spend a lot of time at home. Also, there is not a lot of work to be had, which can be stressful.
When we get married, we like to think that it is going to be for life. Unfortunately, things don’t always work out as we plan, and being in certain lines of work can make a marriage more challenging. Don’t despair, though. Even if you are in one of the above-mentioned careers, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are unable to have a happy and successful relationship. If you and your spouse love each other and you both work hard at making it last, you can enjoy a happy and long marriage.
About the Author: Jane Hurst is a content manager from San Francisco. She is also a business writer and writing coach. You can find Jane on Twitter here.
Being a single parent is time-consuming—but that doesn’t mean you have to go crazy trying to make it all work.
“I chuckle at those who feel sorry for me. Yes, single parenting might not be the easy path, but I have my tricks and hacks that kind of mean it’s a breeze. I mean, it’s just like parenting as a pair: you find your rhythms, your routines. Only in ours there’s just one adult rather than two,” says Alice Judge-Talbot, single mom and owner of the parenting blog, More Than Toast.
As you find your rhythms and routines, use these ideas to get more done in less time. You may be surprised at how much of a difference small changes can make.
Turn a Good Friend Into a (Paid) Helper
Being a single parent means you have one less set of hands—so everything takes more time, if you’re lucky to get it done at all. Jenn Lyons, mother and activist, talks about this in Single Parent Life Hacks: Work, Dating and Wellness. It’s easy to think a new partner will solve this problem, but you may be looking for the wrong solution:
“Many single parents are out there dating, looking for a companion or even a future spouse. For a long time, I thought this strategy would make my life easier. Then I came across the idea of a ‘mother’s helper’—a friend (who I pay) comes over once a week to play with my daughter while I make dinner and help me take care of ‘house stuff’,” explains Lyons.
Not only does this give you time to to get things done, but it’s beneficial to your child as well, says Lyons: “My daughter benefits from more engagement and I go to bed more relaxed because my to-do list has been cut in half.”
Find Someone Else to Wash and Fold Your Laundry
Kids go through a seemingly endless amount of clothing each week and getting it all washed, folded, and put away is a herculean feat—not to mention one of the most time-consuming tasks on your to-do list. What if you could eliminate two of those three steps and have your clothes washed and folded for you?
To take back all the time you spend in the laundry room, take your clothes with a wash and fold service like CD One Price Cleaners, a company that’s practically made for single moms: “We can turn around 200 garments, dry cleaned, pressed, inspected and bagged, in one hour. 100 garments laundered per hour.” Find one of their dry cleaners or look for a comparable option in your area. Features that are ideal for a single mom include:
Home drop off services
Flexible pricing options
Email or text notifications when laundry is done
Do Grocery Curbside Pick-Up
Going to the grocery store is nearly always an ordeal, no matter how old your children are. Getting there is a challenge in itself, much less finishing in a timely fashion, all without a meltdown or screaming match about the candy they want at the cash register.
Avoid the mess altogether—and save a lot of time—by bypassing the store. Instead, do curbside pickup. Most grocery stores now offer this service, including a variety of national chains like Walmart, all Kroger stores, and even Whole Foods.
A similar option is online grocery shopping with a service like Amazon Fresh. If you have Amazon Prime already, the only cost is $5 per order for delivery. Otherwise, you find what you need online while the kids are fast asleep and wait for everything to arrive on your doorstep.
Cook for An Army—And Then Store It
Cooking is shockingly exhausting after a long day of work and errands, especially if you wake up early for a little me-time before the kids wake. Take the burden off your shoulders by cooking one or two large meals on Sunday and then freeze them for the week. Better yet, portion everything out into containers so you can heat up just enough for the night or let the kids pick and choose what they want that night.
If you don’t have a lot of freezer space, you can still save time by prepping on Sunday. Chop all your veggies, cook your meat (or just marinate it), make the pasta, etc. “One of my mom friends swears by Sunday meal preparation… My friend says she shreds cheese, washes lettuce, peels and cuts fruit, steams vegetables, and cooks pasta and quinoa,” says Chay Bayla, author of 5 Solo Mom Hacks for Saving Time.
With all these components taken care of, you can grab and go for a quick meal at the end of the day.
Remember: Even Superman and Superwoman Take Shortcuts
At the end of the day, you have to remember: it may not all get done—and that’s okay. Use help where you can get it — whether you have laundry done for you or order your groceries online — and relish in the extra time to hang with your kids or relax with a good book.
About the Author: Jessica Thiefels has been writing for more than ten years and is currently a full-time writer and content marketing consultant. She’s written for Reader’s Digest, AARP, Lifehack and more. Follow her on Twitter at @Jlsander07 for money-saving ideas, health tips, and more.
It’s New Year’s resolution season and my usual spot by the wall was taken by a newcomer. I shrugged off my annoyance, reminding myself that they don’t assign mat positions like seats in grad school, and placed my mat in the studio’s center.
I don’t know if it was not being in ‘my’ spot or the post-holiday season blues, but my poses sucked. I wobbled. I couldn’t touch my toes.
I was starting to wonder why I’d come when the teacher said something simple but profound: “Work within the confines of the pose and make the best choice for you today.”
The words leapt out at me.
We all deal with the confines of the pose, so to speak. The limits of money, education, time, and more. There are always trade-offs. If I go to yoga, I won’t have time to finish doing laundry before bed. If I spend my money on a cute new top at Anthropologie, I might have to turn down going out with friends.
While these are realities of life that most of us have adjusted to over time, the limitations of the choices available to us can feel particularly pointed during a divorce.
Throughout the divorce process and afterwards, I struggled with feeling powerless. Even though I chose the divorce it still cost more than I’d planned, dragged out too long, and left me feeling exhausted. None of my available choices looked that good to me.
Not all women choose divorce. One of my friends’ particularly nasty situation was sparked by her husband’s infidelity. Definitely not something she’d ever wanted to deal with. Those women, blindsided by the impact of another person’s choices on their lives, can also feel powerless.
And that’s when you have to work within the confines of the pose.
What it really means is: work within the boundaries you’ve been given. Push as hard you might, it could be impossible to shift them. The law is the law, even if is unfair. The realities of a new economic situation are the dollars in your bank account, though you can definitely hustle, sell unwanted items and jewelry, and go back to school to better your financial situation. But some things — and some people — are unchangeable. The only thing you can do is change how you react to them.
It’s a tough lesson to learn. Like yoga, it’s a practice. I can fall into anger, or argue with a man I know will never change. I can give him my power and let him push my buttons. But then I have a choice. Stay in that place? Or take a metaphorical step back and center myself? I can look at the limitations and get angry or upset. Or I can look at the choices I can make within those limitations and take back my power. It’s a shift of viewpoint.
And what about that last word she said: today?
I’m not the most flexible person in the world but I can generally touch my toes, get my heels down to the mat in downward dog, and balance nicely in tree pose. That day it wasn’t happening. And I was comparing myself, not to other to yogis, but to my normal abilities. Comparing and criticizing. The peace I’d come to class to find just wasn’t there. And not because I had to stand somewhere else but because I wasn’t living in that moment. I wanted it to be a different day, a day where I felt stronger, a day where I could touch my toes. How many of us waste too much time wishing it was a different day?
Our capabilities shift. On Monday you may feel confident and kickass, on top of the world, ready to take on your new, single life. Tuesday, well, you may be curled up in bed crying because a date didn’t go well and you wonder if you’ll always be alone. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s a natural part of the process of healing and moving on from divorce. Work with what you’ve got that day. Comparing yourself to yesterday does you no good.
Each day, look at the choices you have available to you and make the best one for you. Whether you’re balancing like a pro in eagle pose or lying flat on your back in savasana, just glad you made it through. And find the freedom in learning how to work with what you’ve got.
About the Author: Dena Landon is a single mom who eats raw cookie dough, passionately debates intersectional feminism and frequently tangles herself in yarn. Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Narrative.ly, Salon, bust.com, and in Dance Teacher and Dance Spirit magazines. Her first novel was published by Dutton Children’s Publishing in 2005. She blogs at femmefeminism.com, and can be found on Instagram and Facebook.
One of the greatest challenges divorced parents face is adequately meeting their children’s needs during and after the divorce. While most parents pay lip service to focusing on the well-being of the children, sadly that’s not always the case.
Divorcing and divorced parents can become overwhelmed by the emotional upheaval they are experiencing, especially if they don’t choose a positive divorce platform. After marinating in the anger, hurt, resentment, guilt, shame, blame and other conflicting emotions for so long, some lose their capacity to empathize with what their children are going through – or they just stop caring. Other parents need parenting themselves and don’t have the ability to put their own needs aside to address the turmoil they see in their children.
More than ever before co-parents need to feel and show compassion for their children who are often frightened, confused, guilty, angry, ashamed or resentful themselves. Putting yourself in your children’s shoes, and seeing the divorce from their perspective – as a four, ten or fifteen year old – is a vital place to start.
There are two crucial needs your child has before, during and long after the divorce takes place. If you meet these needs you are giving your child a gift that will help them not only survive – but really thrive, despite the divorce.
1) Let your children love and be emotionally close to both parents.
Children do best when both of their parents are in their lives expressing love, acceptance and support. Divorce doesn’t have to change the love they receive and feel from their parents – if both are allowed to express that love freely.
When parents get resentful or jealous of one another, they often play games with the kids making them choose whom they love more or prefer to be with. These parents are setting those children up for heartbreak, disappointment and emotional wounds that can last a lifetime.
Regardless of your personal perceptions, never make your child feel bad for loving their other parent. It tears them apart and deprives them of the love they have a right to enjoy from both parents. Loving your Ex doesn’t mean they don’t love you or care about your feelings. Don’t make them have to choose between you.
2) Let your children be loved by both parents.
Showing your children how much you love and treasure them is especially important during difficult times such as a divorce. But depriving them of the love from their other parent is emotional torture for a child who innately loves you both.
You may find your Ex to be a poor parent and a despicable spouse who is unworthy of your child’s love. But in the eyes of your child that’s their mom or dad – someone who loves them and wants to express it – even if you don’t always approve of their approach.
Badmouthing your Ex to the children or others around them, keeping them from scheduled dates and visitations, not inviting the other parent to children’s special events are all forms of parental alienation. It’s selfish, mean-spirited and a poor way to role model mature, effective parenting. Equally significant, your child is likely to turn on you with anger when they grow up, resenting your comments, behavior, and hurtful approach to parenting. Why take that risk?
Life is far easier for divorced parents who give their children these two precious gifts: the freedom to love both parents and the freedom to feel loved by both parents as well.
All children deserve to love and be loved. Be the role model they will learn from and respect by sharing the wisdom and compassion that come with these valuable life lessons.
Note: To commemorate International Child-Centered Divorce Month in January, divorce experts worldwide are providing complimentary ebooks, audio programs, coaching services and other gifts to support families coping with divorce. Download these valuable resources for free at www.divorcedparentsupport.com/ebook.
About the Author: Rosalind Sedacca, CDC, is a Divorce & Parenting Coach, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right as well as her coaching services and other valuable resources about divorce and parenting issues, visit www.childcentereddivorce.com.
Divorce is one of life’s most challenging events. There are myriads of responsibilities involved such as moving, dividing property, and learning how to cope emotionally. However, one challenge that often stands out after a divorce is the state in which it leaves children.
During a divorce, a child’s world may seem to them to be crumbling into pieces; life may not seem like it will ever be the same again. The good news is you can prevent such a gloomy outlook from setting in. You and your ex-spouse can provide solutions — but you must put your differences aside and work towards piecing their world back together.
Creating a Co-Parenting Schedule That Works
One of the best ways to help your children is by creating a co-parenting schedule. Below are seven tips to help you create an exceptional schedule that will guide your co-parenting efforts:
1. Make a plan.
As the famous saying goes, failing to plan is similar to making a plan that leads to your failure. This principle applies to many aspects of our lives and the parenting arena is no different, especially for parents who have gone through a divorce. Your schedule should incorporate a parenting plan that’s composed of long-term goals, short-term goals, and some general guidelines. The plan should also allow for differences in opinion that will arise when you’re settling into new and individual routines.
The best approach is to make time to create a plan rather than waiting for the court to issue a deadline. A divorcing couple that has an already agreed-upon co-parenting plan saves the judge time to concentrate on other unresolved issues. The parents involved also present themselves as mature, stable adults.
2. Include a workable routine in your plan.
Consistency and structure are key to bringing about comfort and ease for all affected by the co-parenting plan. For younger children, routines assist them in coping with life as a whole, especially at a time when there may be many uncertainties. Your plan should have a framework that defines how rules will be kept consistent between the two households involved.
3. Don’t use child support and parenting time as a weapon or prize.
In your co-parenting plan, ensure that the time you seek to have with your children is a result of a desire and capability to nurture them — rather than intended as a hurtful act to your co-parent. The same applies to child support. Ensure the dollar amounts indicated in your co-parenting plan are truly enough to care for the needs of your children — and not short because you wish to make your co-parent to suffer lack. Given that around 41% of first marriages end up in a divorce, this principle should be mandatory for couples with children as they create a co-parenting plan.
4. Record communication with your co-parent.
Always be in constant communication with your co-parent. In the plan you create, consider an inclusion that communications you have with one another will be recorded. The best approach is to always communicate using mediums that have a record of what you have discussed. You can use texts, emails or even systems such as “Our Family Wizard” (if you want to share data concerning your children).This approach will prevent miscommunication and provide clarification during disputes. In addition, if your children have chronic conditions, medical information that has been relayed using the above methods can be retrieved and help both parents provide better care in emergency situations.
5. Include a mediator in your co-parenting plan.
Try to agree upon a mediator — this person can help tackle the hot issues that could lead you back to court. Some of these issues include religious disputes, disagreement over education, and even spending time away from your home. With a mediator in your co-parenting plan, however, you will be able to save money that you would have spent on lawyers. Additionally, mediators often take a more conciliatory (rather than adversarial) approach.
6. Be realistic about the holidays.
Holiday-related expectations may bring contention, even in the healthiest of co-parenting relationships. Therefore, one of the most vital topics to address in your co-parenting plan is the holiday season and how related activities should be handled. Most of the time, you will have to deal with both your ex-spouse and his or her extended family (many marriages last for eight years before ending in divorce, so a couple’s children are often still minors and may require care and attention from your ex-spouse’s family).
Do your best to consider the traditions you’ve honored in the past because your co-parent and children will likely want to continue them. For this to work without enmity, it’s best to plan which parent will have the kids for which periods of time during a holiday. Some opt to allow their children to spend the majority of a holiday with one co-parent — and then the opposite co-parent would have the kids for the next holiday.
7. Be flexible but specific.
In order for your co-parenting schedule to work, you have to be flexible to accommodate the changes that will arise. You will also need to set ground rules in your co-parenting plan to help you and your ex have a civil relationship — even after divorce.If you are concerned about your future as a co-parent, it is best that your co-parenting schedule be specific and detailed. Specify which times are allocated for each co-parent to spend with the kids (especially during holidays). Writing down all these details may seem tedious, but it will save you unnecessary grief in the future.
Co-parenting can be one of the biggest challenges facing divorced parents, especially when all parties have been hurt and scarred. However, to avoid carrying negative emotions forward and to prevent them from barricading any progress after the divorce, a co-parenting plan should be created. This will ensure the optimum outcome for both co-parents as well as healthy readjustment for the children involved.
About the Author: Kevin Nelson is a professional educator and a private tutor with over eight years of experience. He is also a content writer for various blogs about higher education, entertainment, social media, and blogging. Currently, Kevin works as a part-time writer for www.EssayWriterSite.com. During his off time, Kevin enjoys traveling and cooking. Feel free to connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and Google+.
It’s hard, if not close to impossible, to return to your normal life right after a divorce. Throughout the divorce process and afterward, upsetting thoughts and feelings can often take a toll on your productivity at work.
Your boss and colleagues may be understanding. However, you’re usually still expected to leave your personal problems at the doorstep and perform at the office as the person they are used to seeing. How do you do that? How do you focus on your work when you’re having the hardest time in your life?
Here are few things you can do.
1. Take your breaks seriously.
You might think it’s easier to bury yourself in work. It’s not. If you suppress stress and anger, these negative emotions will come out even stronger, sooner or later. When you’re feeling stressed and work is overwhelming, you should just take a break. And scientists have proven that brief breaks can help you stay focused on work.
Try going for a short walk. Get a nice, hot cup of coffee. Allow yourself to think whatever you feel like thinking. You’re going through a hard time. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ll get back to work right after the break.
2. Don’t feed anyone’s curiosity.
People are curious by nature. Your office buddies will want to know what’s going on. If you don’t want to share the news about your divorce, you don’t have to. If they come to you with intrusive questions, just say you’re OK and you want to stay focused on work.
3. Stay away from distractions.
Cell phones, the internet, gossip, and social media are major distractions at the workplace. When you’re recovering from a divorce, these distractions can undermine your productivity.
You may want to stalk your ex on social media. You might be getting phone calls from your family and emails from your lawyer. Block these distractions. Keep the phone in the drawer and tell everyone to call only in case of emergency. Any call from your ex will bring more drama than you need in the office. Don’t bother with your private email, either. And do not use social media during working hours!
4. Celebrate small accomplishments.
When you do your best at work, you achieve little victories every day. Showing up at work when you feel like you carry the world on your shoulders is a small step forward, too. Appreciate these efforts. Give yourself some credit for each task you complete.
Lilly Roberts, a team leader at Essay Geeks, explains: “After a divorce, it’s not unusual for people to feel like they are no good. These were my thoughts exactly: ‘Good, I wrote this awesome business report… but what good is it? I just got a divorce and I’m a failure.’ Somehow, I found a way to ruin every step forward by reminding myself I got divorced. The moment I got out of that mindset and I started celebrating my accomplishments, I was much better. I could focus more on the work, too!”
5. Make daily to-do lists.
A to-do list is a simple, effective way to boost your productivity at work. When you doubt that you can go through all tasks, just write them down and plan how you’ll distribute them throughout the workday.
When you create to-do lists, you realize you have more than enough time for everything, as long as you stay away from distractions. You learn how to prioritize, and that makes you a more productive worker.
6. Give yourself time to reflect.
Remember those breaks? You can use them to work through the heavy emotions you’re experiencing. Research shows that people who reflected on their breakup recovered better than those who tried forcing themselves to forget about it.
Don’t try to ignore your divorce. It’s OK to think about it during off-hours. Giving yourself some time to reflect will help you understand your situation better. After the emotional interrupt, it might be easier for you to focus on work.
7. Develop a new routine.
What happens after work? That might be the most challenging aspect of a divorce. The sole thought of going to an empty home or apartment can ruin your focus. That’s why it’s important to develop a new routine that makes your free time enjoyable.
Why don’t you start going to the gym? If you always loved reading, it’s time to hit the bookstore. Doing something you love will give you a reason to get through the workday with success and peace of mind.
Although divorce is tough, it was likely the right decision for you. You can even use the experience to learn and grow mentally and emotionally. Why not use this time to refocus on your career and make progress on your professional goals? Hopefully, the tips above will help you get there.
About the Author: Chris Richardson is a journalist, editor, and a blogger. He loves to write, learn new things, and meet new outgoing people. Chris is also fond of traveling, sports, and playing the guitar. Follow him on Facebook and Google+.
Most people who step into married life with their significant other hope to have a long, happy marriage together. Unfortunately, however, we don’t live in fairy tales and married couples often have issues to resolve.
Some obstacles may be easier to overcome, and couples may find that each time they do so, their bond becomes stronger. This is not the case with all challenges for a marital union — like infidelity. These situations are more difficult to work through. So when one partner has been unfaithful, should you try to beat this obstacle or should you give up?
Reasons for divorce after infidelity
People cheat for a myriad of different reasons, but the resulting pain and disappointment are consistent in relationships where one partner has been unfaithful. When a spouse feels betrayed by infidelity, his or her first instinct may tell them to file for divorce immediately.
But it’s always better to weigh this important decision when clear-headed, rather than doing something you may regret later. Practical steps may include creating a list of pros and cons — to help you evaluate whether filing for divorce is the answer or if you should give your marriage another chance.
There is no guarantee the unfaithful spouse won’t cheat again.
There is a complete lack of trust.
The unfaithful spouse blames his or her partner for the infidelity.
Infidelity has had a negative impact on his or her spouse’s physical and emotional health.
There’s nothing an unfaithful spouse can do to help erase the feeling of betrayal.
Feelings of humiliation, especially if everyone else knew about infidelity but the other spouse.
Feeling unappreciated and rejected.
Although infidelity is a major problem for many married couples and one of the most common causes of divorce, some people decide not to go through with a divorce after all.
Reasons to work on your marriage after infidelity
For some couples affected by infidelity, there are reasons for staying and working on their marriage after infidelity — and they may be worth considering for couples who are wondering what to do in such a situation. Here are some of them:
The affair has been an indiscretion and one’s spouse has never engaged in that type of behavior before.
Both spouses agree to see a marriage counselor.
The infidelity was propelled by an unresolved problem in the marriage that both spouses have been sweeping under a rug for quite some time.
Both spouses believe in themselves, each other, and the marriage
The spouse has taken full responsibility for his/her actions.
One thing to bear in mind is that all people have different values, beliefs, and motivations — and we deal with our problems differently. Infidelity is no exception. While some spouses who have felt betrayed will decide to file for divorce immediately, others are willing to give their spouse a second chance.
Things to consider
Whether you should divorce or give the marriage another chance is a decision that depends on you and you alone. There is no one-size-fits-all rule when it comes to personal matters of this kind.
That’s why, if in such a difficult situation, it’s best not to compare your decisions with those your friends, acquaintances or coworkers chose for themselves. Before reaching any decision about whether or not to divorce, ask yourself the following:
What are my spouse’s good qualities?
Is there hope for me and my spouse as a couple — or not?
Is the marriage worth fighting for?
Even if not right away, can I feel better eventually? Are my negative emotions likely to decrease in the future?
Will I be able to trust my spouse ever again?
Since an affair is usually a symptom of a deeper problem in a relationship, am I willing to work with my spouse in order to address this issue and overcome it successfully?
Take a few minutes to answer these questions honestly. When you answer them all, you’ll hopefully have a better understanding of whether or not your marriage deserves a second chance.
Things to Remember
As you make the important decision of whether to remain in your marriage or move forward with a divorce, remember:
Your spouse’s infidelity is not your fault. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Adult individuals in adult relationships should take responsibility for their actions but there is no reason for you to be wholly responsible for a situation that may have been out of your control. Recognizing your faults in a marriage is one thing, but believing you caused infidelity is another — thinking the latter can affect your confidence and self-esteem, which may lead to anxiety and depression.
It is perfectly okay to seek help. Plenty of options are available; you can turn to your family, friends, a certified therapist, or a marriage counselor.
Don’t punish yourself with guilt. Whatever your decision, remember: you made this decision because you either believe in marriage or you don’t. Others may have strong opinions about what you should do and they may try to persuade you. But this is your life and you should always do what is best for you.
You can be happy again. After even the most painful betrayals, it is possible to have a healthy and happy marriage after infidelity.
You can remain civil. If you choose to divorce, the experience doesn’t have to be bitter and toxic.
The bottom line
Infidelity is a complicated challenge to overcome in any marriage and you may struggle with the decision to get a divorce or to give your marriage a second chance. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer; the final decision depends on you. Just make sure you do what you think is best for you and your family. Don’t make rash decisions, take time to process and reflect, and we’re confident you’ll know the answer when the time is right.
About the Author: Lucy Benton is a writing coach and editor who finds her passion in expressing own thoughts as a blogger, and currently works at www.assignmenthelper.com.au. She is constantly looking for the ways to improve her skills and expertise. If you’re interested in working with Lucy, you can find her on FaceBook and Twitter.