Divorce Advice and Support from Wevorce.com. Wevorce helps couples ensure their divorce is less damaging to themselves, their finances and the people they love. With Wevorce you are guided step-by-step through the process with as much or as little help as you need.
After your divorce, there will come a time when you start thinking about having a sexual relationship with someone new. This can be an exciting time for new singles. It can also feel a little uncomfortable.
Sex with someone new after going so long sleeping with the same person brings its own anxieties. You may be self-conscious about your body, sexual skillset, or about connecting with someone new in such an intimate way. You may cry, feel vulnerable, angry, excited, or even disappointed afterward.
This is all part of the process.
There’s no doubt that being physically intimate after getting divorced is scary. It can also have many positive effects on your confidence and overall wellness. Here are five important facts you should know about physical intimacy and what it does for your post-divorce mindset.
1. You’re Going to Feel Conflicted
Even if you’re jumping for joy to finally be separated from your ex, being with someone new may bring up a host of confusing emotions.
It can be nerve-wracking to be intimate with a new partner after your divorce. Your marriage obviously had its issues, but you still felt comfortable getting naked in front of your partner. You also knew each other’s sexual likes and dislikes.
Being physically intimate with someone new after your divorce can also be heartbreaking if you weren’t the one who wanted your marriage to end. You may feel insecure or unsure, or even like you’re cheating on your ex.
There is an air of mystery that surrounds a new sexual relationship. It might be intimidating to undress in front of someone new but being intimate post-divorce can also reinvigorate your sexual passions in your single life.
These confusing emotions are normal. They are part of the process of breaking up and finding out who you are when you’re no longer in a couple.
2. It’s Good for your Health
Being sexually active has many benefits to your health, even when it comes to fighting off the common cold or flu.
Research from Pennsylvania’s Wilkes University surveyed 112 college students for how often they had sex each week. The results revealed that students who had sex regularly (up to twice a week) had the highest levels of the disease-fighting immunoglobulin A.
Sex after divorce also triggers the activation of your brain’s reward system. This can substantially reduce pain in humans. A study published in the PLOS journal found that when participants were shown photos of a new love interest they experienced a significant reduction in pain.
Regular sexual activity can also decrease a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. The British Medical Journal researched the sex lives of more than 50,000 men, ages 40-75. The results showed that men who ejaculated 21 times a month or more were less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Sex can also promote a healthy heart. Studies show that men who had sex twice a week or more lowered the risk of dying from coronary heart disease.
Regular physical intimacy may also lower your systolic blood pressure, which is great for those going through a stressful divorce.
3. Physical Intimacy Improves Sleep
Going through a divorce can cause many sleepless nights. Some of the best relationship advice you can follow for having a refreshing sleep? Be physically intimate with a new partner.
After having an orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released into the body. This hormone is responsible for sleepiness and relaxation, which can help you fall asleep easier.
You don’t have to have sex before bed to benefit from physical intimacy. When you sleep next to someone, your body releases the cuddle hormone known as oxytocin. This hormone can help the body relax and lower stress which could otherwise cause you a sleepless night.
4. It’s Good for your Mental Health
Divorce is a hard pill to swallow. Even if you are the one who wanted the relationship to end, the process of getting a divorce is arduous and mentally taxing.
Physical intimacy after divorce can do wonders for your confidence and happiness as a newly single individual. One study done by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that people who had sex on a weekly basis showed increased morale.
Physical intimacy releases feel-good hormones such as oxytocin and dopamine. Both of these can have a positive effect on your mental health. For a start, oxytocin is shown to lower the stress hormone cortisol.
Even non-romantic physical touch can release oxytocin. Hugging a family member or holding hands with a friend can have the same calming effect. Oxytocin can also reduce anxiety that could otherwise lead to depression.
5. It Promotes a Healthy Body
It used to be a common thought that couples who had sex regularly could count it as exercise. Is this still the case? The answer depends much on the physical health of the couple and the intensity of sexual activity.
Whatever your motivation for more intimacy in your relationship, what better revenge is there after a nasty divorce than rocking a new, bangin’ body?
About the Author: Rachael Pace is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
Happy relationships that go on for years are becoming harder to achieve. And the problem of a cheating partner — or even both partners — can seriously damage or even destroy your marriage. Extramarital affairs can be both embarrassing and heartbreaking.
Infidelity: Dealing with the Aftermath
When cheating occurs, this indicates an absence or lack of something that should exist between you and your partner. To make matters worse, once trust has gone from your relationship, it can be difficult to recover and make your marriage a success.
Extra marital affairs unsurprisingly lead to conflicts and bitterness that, if not dealt with swiftly in a way that both partners feel comfortable with, may result in separation. But separation is not always a perfect solution, as it can leave both partners still feeling the pain and stress of the situation.
It may be possible to save your relationship after cheating — but only if both partners can agree to make changes, put the infidelity behind them, and move forward.
It can be very painful to discover that your partner is cheating. However, feelings of panic and anger — while understandable — may be destructive. Try to deal with the situation in the best way for you and your family. Think about how you can calmly handle the consequences of the situation. If you feel your marriage is worth saving, you may want to find ways to help heal your relationship.
You can expect to feel angry with your partner. However, it may be helpful to try and find out why he or she felt the desire to seek a romantic relationship with someone outside your marriage. The usual answer is not always obvious. It may be about the physical enjoyment of another person — but often has far more to do with feeling unappreciated or emotionally distant. If your partner felt unwanted and unloved, it is possible you both neglected to communicate your feelings and needs. In this case, you may be able to repair the damage and have a successful relationship in the future.
Whatever the reasons for infidelity, saving your marriage will take hard work — and forgiveness. If you think you will never again be able to trust your partner after infidelity, it may not be possible to save your marriage. Rebuilding a strong relationship means eventually putting this behind you and moving on — something easier said than done. But think: if every time there is a disagreement between you, you throw the cheating argument into the ring, you are unlikely to have a happy, long-term relationship.
Steps to Take When You Have Been Betrayed
If you discover your partner has cheated you, talk to them about it openly. Ask how they feel about the state of your marriage. Do they want to save the relationship? Are they prepared to change? If so, discuss what you can do together to make improvements. Demonstrate your love for your partner and make sure they know how much you need them. If you receive positive responses from your partner, it may be possible to forgive and make a new start.
Another important step you can take to save your relationship after infidelity is to be forthright about your own mistakes. Take efforts to improve your behavior and avoid doing things that may hurt your partner. If you are successful in making these changes, you both may develop an even deeper love for each other — which will help you address problems now and in the future.
If you decide to work through the infidelity, perhaps plan to take a mini-vacation with your partner to reconnect. Use this opportunity away from everyday life to improve your communication skills. Try to find out where the differences between you lie — and talk about what you can do to overcome them. Reminisce about the good times in your relationship. Go on walks. Make an effort to remember what you like to do together — then do those things.
If You Were Unfaithful
If you were unfaithful to your partner, it may be difficult to put the past behind you. But if you are to save your marriage, you must work hard to change your behavior — and show it. You should promise to end your affair — and mean it. Remember, your loyalty to your partner — and rebuilding trust — is crucial to the survival of your marriage.
If you are fortunate enough to have a partner who is prepared to forgive you and let go of the bitterness, it would be wise for you to show your appreciation through both words and actions. Express your deep love for your partner and make sure he or she knows how much you value them.
When both of you take the time and effort to save your relationship after infidelity — and if you can learn to accept the failings of your partner, it is possible to have a successful relationship that can continue growing into something very special.
About the Author: Christine Bourne is a content manager at College Essay Writing Service. She writes advice for both students in the field of education and others who need useful tips.
Let’s face it; the stress of buying a home can be enough to push the happiest couple to their edge. This stress compounds when you’re already working through the most raw, sensitive areas of your life with your partner.
That doesn’t mean you can’t take the next step in your life together. It just means you will need to be cautious of what the stress triggers are and how to avoid them. While these will differ from couple to couple, there are a few that will be challenging no matter what.
Use these tips to mitigate most of the stress during the home buying process. Who knows, you may come out stronger and happier than ever before.
1. Find Out What You Can Afford—Together
Before you even step inside an open house, sit down with your significant other and set a realistic budget for home buying. It’s easy to want to keep up the Jones’s—buy the nicest house, in the best neighborhood, with the highest rated school systems. But that’s not always possible, nor is it necessary.
Instead, focus on what’s right for you two and your family. Use BankRate’s helpful calculator: How Much House Can I Afford? You’ll input household income, investments and monthly expenses, in addition to information about the new home. The calculator will then give you two numbers: available mortgage payment and an affordable home amount.
Use this as your guide. When you both see the numbers in front of you—and do the math together—there’s less to argue about.
2. Put Down Less Up Front
One of the biggest challenges of purchasing a home is saving for a down payment. If you’re like many people and have trouble saving, consider private mortgage insurance (PMI) to ease this strain. A PMI allows you to put down a down payment of less than 20 percent. In many cases, you can put down as low as 3 or 5 percent.
“Let’s say you take out a mortgage with a lender. They decide to approve your request and agree to originate a loan for you. But you don’t have enough or a full 20 percent down payment on the home. To protect themselves in case you stop paying your mortgage or default entirely on your mortgage, the lender requires you to pay monthly for private mortgage insurance (PMI) on your loan. This insurance policy will pay out to the lender if you default on your loan.”
In most cases, that fee ranges from just .5 to 1 percent of the total cost of your home, making it an affordable monthly payment. When you have 20 percent equity in the home, from making payments or getting reappraised after a renovation, you no longer have to make those payments.
3. Get Pre-Approved for a Mortgage Loan Sooner Than Later
Get ahead of the game by getting pre-approved for a mortgage loan at least 6 months before you start the house hunting process. You’ll quickly realize it’s a paperwork-intensive process, and doing it well ahead of time alleviates some of the house-hunting stress.
Not only will doing this early eliminate the guesswork and doubts about where you stand financially. It will also help you strategize more effectively, and avoid the homes you know you can’t afford—rather than seeing them and then arguing about the cost.
4. Consider Downsizing
Moving into a smaller home might feel like you’re taking a step back, but downsizing can have a lot of financial benefits. You’ll likely have smaller mortgage payments and fewer household expenses, like heat or electricity, thanks to less square footage.
While this isn’t an option for everyone, it’s especially wise for empty nesters. With no children at home, you can eliminate the housework that comes with maintaining a large home, in addition to spending less.
“What many people don’t realize is that downsizing and decluttering can really save you a lot of money. In addition, downsizing and decluttering can make your life considerably more stress-free,” suggest experts at Money Crashers. And what you’re looking for right now is exactly that: less stress.
5. Find a Great Agent
The right real estate agent makes all the difference when buying a house. If they’re someone who brings drama and stress, or are overworked and can’t dedicate themselves to you, you’ll feel that. As you interview agents, keep this in mind. Do you feel relaxed with them? Do you feel they understand your current situation and the delicacy of this home buying experience?
If not, keep looking. The right agent will shepherd you through the process, and take on the hard stuff, like negotiations, paperwork. Great agents will also work with the inspectors, contractors and financial specialists to make sure the process goes as smoothly as possible.
Reduce That Financial Strain
Keep these tips in mind when going through the home buying process during a challenging time. There are many ways to eliminate some of the stress that comes along with it, whether you put down less money, downsize to a smaller home, or simply spend time finding the best real estate agent for your needs. Take away the stress, and you may come out feeling even more ready for this new chapter of your life.
About the Author: Jessica Thiefels has been writing for more than ten years and is currently a full-time writer and content marketing consultant. She’s written for Reader’s Digest, AARP, Lifehack and more. Follow her on Twitter at @Jlsander07 for money-saving ideas, health tips, and more.
There are approximately 13.7 million single parents raising 22 million children in the United States, and while 76 percent of mothers and 85.1 percent of fathers are working, sometimes one job isn’t enough to make ends meet.
If this sounds like your situation, the good news is that thanks to a rise in jobs within the gig economy, you no longer have to sacrifice all your valuable family time in an effort to bring in more cash. Benefits for single parents include flexibility, decent wages, and the possibility of working from home.
Here’s how to get started holding down a lucrative side gig without renouncing your most important role: being a mom or dad.
The first thing you should do is figure out how much extra money you want to bring in so you can determine how many hours and/or what type of work you should consider. When establishing your budget, keep in mind that the majority of gigs are feast or famine, so you have to factor in dry spells. You’ll also want to set money aside for taxes since they won’t be taken out if you work as an independent contractor or if you decide to start your own business.
To help you stay organized, designate a distraction-free area in your home as an office space that’s outfitted with updated and working technology, an ergonomically designed chair, and ample lighting. Incorporate stress-busting elements such as plants, photos, or artwork that bring you pleasure; aesthetically pleasing window treatments; and furnishings such as a comfortable chair with a reading lamp where you can take a break. Speaking of which, make sure you take regular breathers and establish set office hours so your kids know when to leave you alone.
There are many online resources and apps where you can look for gig-related work, but first you have to determine if you want to do something you love, you know, or a combination of both. If you happen to already be in the fields of artificial intelligence, blockchain architecture, robotics, ethical hacking, cryptocurrency, or virtual reality, you’re in luck, as these jobs are among the highest paying in the gig economy — but don’t be discouraged otherwise. There are plenty of other lucrative opportunities in the following areas:
fitness training and coaching
reselling items online (or making something from scratch)
Building Your Business
To truly thrive, you’re going to need to put a little effort into building your business, whether that means identifying with a specific social media channel, taking out a small ad, attending a targeted conference, updating your equipment, or improving your product. Just be sure to establish a clear budget to prevent winding up in the hole — being conservative about your spending habits doesn’t mean you’ll be any less successful.
When setting a budget, it’s very important to separate your business expenses from your personal finances. One way to do this is by opening a business credit card, which will allow you to separately track all of your business spending. However, before selecting one, be sure to research available options so that you can find the business credit card that best suits your needs.
It can be difficult for kids of single parents to understand why mom and dad have to work so much, so make sure you establish an open dialogue with your children. Focus on the positive aspects of your work instead of the negative. For example, instead of saying you need more money to put food on the table, spin it as you want to make sure they have everything they need. There’s no need to display a pie chart detailing your family’s financial situation, but the sooner you teach them about the value of a dollar, the easier it will be for them to understand your work schedule.
About the Author: After being in a car accident, Caleb Anderson developed an opiate addiction, for which he received treatment. He is in recovery today and has started RecoveryHope.org with his wife Molly. They now provide resources and support to other couples and individuals to help them face the challenges of drug and alcohol addictions.
Divorce doesn’t have to strip your parental rights from you. Whether you’re married or not, you — and your child — have certain rights that survive a marital split.
If you’ve suddenly found yourself a single parent, it wouldn’t be very easy for you or your child if those rights were ignored. Your child would feel confused and overlooked. (A child of 12 reacts differently to a one-parent home than a two-year-old. That two-year-old benefits from more frequent shifts between parents, while an older child will do well with weekly shifts back and forth.)
It is a good idea to understand what your basic rights are as a parent. Once you know these, it will be much easier for you to identify them during meetings with your attorney and in front of a family court judge. When it comes to expectations you have of your child, you also have some rights there. However, your child has some rights as well.
Basic Parental Rights
As long as you and your former partner are taking care of your child appropriately and ensuring that every need is met, you both have equal rights. These rights include:
The right to custody
Expect obedience and respect from your child
Right to any earnings the child may make
Sue anyone found guilty of either injuring or killing your child
Along with rights come responsibilities:
Providing adequate supervision for your child
Providing appropriate support for your child
Ensuring the child’s needs are met
When your child is in your home, make sure that they are safe. Have sufficient, nutritious food available. Ensure that you have heat or cool air, depending on the season. You should have a regular supply of running water and electricity.
Supervise your child and make sure activities they are doing are safe. If you see them about to do something dangerous, stop them and redirect their attention.
Factors that Affect Child Custody
Who pays child support? It’s not always daddy anymore. Your circumstances may mean that you can receive child support from your child’s father, but you should understand the formula used by your court.
Several factors affect the custody of your child. These include:
Age and gender—If your child is a boy, you’ll have to make sure he has sufficient privacy to take care of his personal needs. He’ll need his own bathroom and bedroom.
Child’s age—An older child needs more space than a younger one. For instance, a fourteen-year-old shouldn’t share a bedroom with a second-grader. Even if you don’t have a room for every child in your family, the judge will keep this in mind. You may be directed to put two younger similar-age children in one room and reserve individual rooms for any older children you have.
Number of Children—This affects who gets custody. If you have a larger home with more children, the judge may decide to give you primary custody. Creative rooming arrangements may not go over very well if you have a one-bedroom apartment. Each child should have a space of their own.
Your circumstances—These include your financial situation and age. If you are a grandparent with custody, you may not have as much money to use on a larger home. If you pay child support, you may not be able to afford a larger home. As long as you can prove that you’re doing your best, the judge will take this into account.
Child’s ability to adjust—It may be hard for your child to adjust to a smaller home or bedroom. The judge will consider this in making a custody decision. Over any of these, the judge will think of the best interests of the child.
Safety—Both your home and neighborhood should be safe. If there’s any risk of harm to your child, this can affect your ability to have your child stay overnight with you. If you are thinking of moving, do some basic research before signing any leases. Have any crimes taken place? Have any of these been homicides? (Yes, seriously.) Pull up the sex offenders registry online and see if any offenders live in or near neighborhoods you’re considering. You’ll have to answer these questions to the judge and, if any of these factors are present, it can hurt your bid for custody.
Two Kinds of Custody
You have two kinds of custody to consider: physical and legal.
Physical custody means your child lives with you the majority of the time. If your child splits their time between you and your former partner, this is joint custody.
The second kind of custody is legal custody. Here, you have the right to make decisions about the needs of your child. As with physical custody, if you and your former partner share legal custody, it is joint legal custody. You’ll both be responsible for making (and agreeing upon) issues like religion, schooling, and healthcare.
If you have sole custody, you make all those decisions with no input from your child’s father.
It’s not always the mother who gets custody these days. Fathers’ rights are more on the front burner, meaning judges are taking the ability of dads to provide for the needs of their child. The judge is more likely to give custody of the child to the parent who has been the primary caregiver. That parent should also have good morals and be able to financially support the child.
Again, this comes down to the child’s best interests. If one parent has a history of being abusive or neglectful, it should be on the record. The judge may appoint an attorney for your child. This individual is known as a guardian ad litem. If the relationship between you and your former partner is full of conflict or if your child has been abused, this attorney looks out for your child’s needs during hearings.
Determining Child Support
This is where so many parents get tripped up. Child support is not their right. It’s the right of the child to be supported financially that everyone should keep in mind.
If you can provide anything toward supporting your child as the custodial parent, your former partner may also be required to pay a portion of their income to you on behalf of your child. It’s generally the parent who earns the most who pays child support. If your former partner says he’ll give up visitation rights so he can avoid a child support obligation, he’s making a big mistake. He will still be expected to pay something for your child, even if he decides he’s not going to visit with your child.
Keep Visits Easy and Friendly
Whether the relationship between you and your ex is strained or not, your child deserves a minimum of drama when coming back into your home or going to dad’s home. It’s definitely much easier on their emotions.
Transferring your child from your home to your former partner’s home doesn’t have to be fraught with tension. Instead, keeping the child’s emotions in mind, try to put aside the anger and resentment you may feel. When you meet your ex, smile and update him about what’s been going on—homework, recent illnesses or injuries, upcoming events.
You and your ex will be expected to switch back and forth regularly. Christmas, Easter, birthdays and Thanksgiving can be rotated between you and your ex.
Taking Care of Issues
You will also need to know what resources to use if issues affecting your child develop. Unfortunately, issues do develop. One parent may decide to pull some power moves and keep the child’s good clothing or shoes. The child support may not be sent regularly or on time.
Because you are your child’s advocate, you need to know where to turn if something is not happening the way it should be. Rather than approaching your ex with anger, let your attorney know. They will file the paperwork that brings your ex back into court to address any shortcomings. As far as child support, his wages can be garnished, funds can be removed from unemployment checks—or he can be put in jail.
Don’t withhold visits to your ex. Only the court can change a visitation schedule. Your ex doesn’t have the right to withhold child support because of any arguments, either.
About the Author: Kathleen E. Shaul is a highly-skilled divorce and family attorney based in St. Louis, Missouri. She has been practicing family law in St. Louis since 1995 and is dedicated to providing the highest quality legal representation for families. Visit her at http://www.kshaul-law.com/.
Divorce can be hard for everyone — you, your former spouse, your kids, and even your pets. They may not be able to express themselves but if they could, your furry babies would not want to see any of their parents go.
Just like with child custody, determining who will take care of the pets after a divorce can be a difficult topic. While courts consider pets as mere property, for most households, they are part of the family.
Who takes full custody of the pet?
As much as possible, this matter should be settled by just you and your ex. Family law is clear about resolving conflicts about child custody, but not about pets. This means courts will decide on who owns the pet just like who owns the TV set. If you have multiple pets, they will divide them between the two of you, without considering if one pet is more attached to the other. If the pet was first owned by either of you prior the marriage, chances are, it will be given to the first owner.
For many of us, that is unfair because pets are more than just animals. They are family and we’re definitely spending money on them — from their food to their veterinary care, grooming, care, boarding, etc. Just like our children, we take care of them, nourish them, love them, and plan our future with them. Definitely, there are a lot of emotions involved. And, after bonds are formed, it is often hard to be apart from our beloved pets.
If both you and your spouse could not bear to live without your pets, the first and most amicable solution would be to have shared custody. It may sound odd, but putting your terms on paper — such as the visiting schedule, decision-making, and sharing of expenses — will definitely make it easier for both of you.
While you may not always be on the same page with your ex about some aspects of your pet custody agreement, you can get often get things settled with proper communication. Remember that this type of agreement does not hold ground before the court. This is just an informal agreement between you and your former spouse.
When drafting your custom custody agreement, here are some questions you should consider:
Who will have primary custody?
Will the other spouse have visitation rights? If yes, what will be the visitation terms and schedule?
Who will be making the primary decisions over the health care of the pet?
Who will take care of the pet when the primary owner is on travel or when he or she is seriously ill?
Will a spouse be able to take the pet on trips outside the state or country?
How will you split the pet expenses?
Who will have custody over the remains of the pet when it passes on?
There are many ways to tackle pet custody. Some divorced couples decide to shuttle the pet between two houses regularly, similar with their child custody arrangements. Others opt to have the pet live with one parent for six months and the other for the rest of the year.
Does your pet need a divorce lawyer?
If you and your former spouse couldn’t achieve an amicable agreement over the custody of your pet(s), you can always seek help from an experienced and empathetic divorce lawyer. Recently, due to the increasing concern about pet custody after divorce, courts have begun to apply a more flexible analysis over who should take full responsibility of pets once a married couple gets a divorce.
In some states, Illinois for example, a new law which took effect last January allowed pets to be considered for sole or joint ownerships during divorce proceedings. The law, similar in that of Alaska, applies only to pets that are considered marital assets, not service animals.
Just as they decide on child custody, some judges are now taking into account the best interest of the pets when making a decision. For example, the court may look at which spouse is more capable of providing food, medical care, shelter, grooming, and exercise for the pet, or who would be better to financially provide for it.
A qualified attorney can help you throughout the process, from drafting a custom pet custody agreement to bringing the matter before the court. He can gather evidence of ownership, help prove that you are most suited to care for your pets, and in some cases, require your former spouse to provide financial support for them.
Going through a divorce could be one of the biggest challenges you will go through in life. Amidst the emotional stress, you also have to act immediately on the many technical aspects of ending a marriage, from dividing properties to making arrangements over the custody of your children. And if you have pets, it can be another thorn in your heart. Just like children, too often pets become helpless bystanders — unable to do anything and wishing things were just like before.
Deciding who takes primary care of your pets should be one of your concerns after divorce. Your first step would be to make a custom agreement so you don’t have to bring the case before the court. But if there will be conflicts between what you and your former spouse want, the next course of action is to let the court decide. You may need to hire an experienced divorce attorney who will help you prove that you are better suited to take care of the pets. Your attorney will also advise you what to do best, especially since some states honor the issue of pet custody and some do not.
Whatever route you take, always give importance to the welfare and well-being of your pets when making decisions. It’s not always about who wins or who has the rights. Remember, they are much like your children in that they deserve to have a happy, healthy, and safe home.
About the Author: Lidia Staron is a part of Content and Marketing team at opencashadvance.com. She contributes articles about the role of finance in the strategic-planning and decision-making process. You can find professional insights in her writings.
In decades past, it has generally been assumed that women experience more pain during a divorce. However, more and more studies show that this is not entirely true. Dealing with a divorce can be as painful for men as it is for women — sometimes more so. Economists, psychologists, and sociologists all agree it is time to reconsider the views on the consequences of a divorce.
For years, many have believed that divorce causes women to fall into despair, while men can feel happy on the following day — despite the fact they may have to pay alimonies to their ex-wives. A study led by Professor Stephen Jenkins at the University of Essex in the United Kingdom shows that men are better off than women financially after a divorce. This is because, in the overwhelming majority of divorces, children spend a majority of time with their mothers. And these circumstances often make it difficult for mothers to find high-paying jobs.
However, outside of relative financial stability after divorce, men experience struggles. Most studies indicate that a man going through a divorce feels as bad as a woman would. A survey carried out in Britain involving more than 3,500 divorced men and women found that 23 percent of males felt devastated and depressed. In women, only 20 percent of participants could relate to that. However, 46 percent of women said that they experienced “liberation”. In the case of males, it was only 37 percent who could claim so.
Additionally, a study of psychologists at the University of California at Riverside (USA) unequivocally established that, on the basis of ten years of observations, men commit suicide after a break-up more frequently than women. This does not go hand in hand with the long-held stigma and stories about men who after a divorce meet new women and buy luxury sports cars. On the contrary, this is evidence of how painfully men go through a break-up.
The collapse of his marriage may make a man feel insolvent in the role of spouse and father. And if these social roles were secondary to men in times past, today they are no less important. Therefore, a divorce becomes a crushing blow to the male ego (which, as many men will tell you, is a difficult experience).
For some men, a new lifestyle filled with traveling, expensive shopping, or a series of new partners is merely an attempt to prove to himself that he is still desirable. However, the success of these attempts is often shortlived. The pain caused by divorce is best healed by going through the five stages of mourning, formulated by the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross psychologist: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
But what then? Is there life after divorce for men? Read on for one’s man’s story of how he made it through a marital break-up.
A Personal Background
After the divorce, I dreamed of getting what I had been deprived of for many years: a woman’s attention and her desire for intimacy with me. It was a personal thing – to prove to myself that I still could be attractive to the opposite sex.
The first woman I met on a dating website seemed irresistible to me, although it was a regular girl. Having been rejected by my wife for so many years, any girl seemed enormously attractive to me. On our first date, I asked her if she wanted to see my place. Half an hour later, we were at my house. She opened a bottle of wine, for a couple of minutes we pretended to watch TV, and then made love.
I could keep on talking about my adventures, but I will only say that it was not difficult to get acquainted [with] and seduce new women. Some, like me, needed nice company and sex. Many wanted to get married to me. However, in the end, I realized that all this was not what I was looking for and random one-night stands are merely a man’s attempt to prove to himself that he is desirable and cool. In the end, that’s what I think it is.
Today, I am in love with a girl. All the adventures are in the past. We had been seeing each other for about a year before both realized that we had some real feelings. And now I can say that I’m perfectly happy even though the divorce was tough for me to cope with, as there is nothing worse than being rejected even if you are a man.
About the Author: Ryan Bronson is an American journalist and blogger specializing in family-related articles that help hundreds of people deal with relationship issues on a day-to-day basis. He has delivered valuable publications to various online resources, including https://customwriting.com/.
After a divorce, which parent should pay the child’s college education? It depends. While it’s clear that a majority of parents worry about the inability to cover high costs of education for their kids, after divorce, this issue becomes more complicated.
Single or married couples can decide to contribute an equal amount to their child’s learning costs, but this is not the same when it comes to divorced spouses. Here, it’s mostly a question of “who?” instead of “how?”
It’s also essential that you understand that rules differ according to each state. For instance, in places like Utah and Washington, judges direct non-custodial spouses to contribute to their kid’s college education costs. On the other hand, states like Alaska don’t allow the judge to make such an order unless the parties involved had a previous understanding.
Have Everything in Writing
Together with factors like distribution of property, spousal support, and child custody, your divorce statement should also include items like:
Who’s responsible for payment and expenses? Will one spouse cover the entire cost or will you split the responsibilities equally?
How many years will you have to pay for college fees? In a study done in 2014 by a nonprofit organization called Complete College America, almost all college students take at least four years to finish their undergraduate program. So, it’s wise that you set up a cap on the amount of time that you’ll need to cover college accommodation and tuition as well as other expenses.
Creating a suitable value for your costs – according to National Centre for Education Statistics, “In 2014 to 2015, the country spent an average amount of $41.970 as parents tried to meet costs of fees, tuition, and room.” It even showed a rise as compared to the previous decade. So, with such growing costs, agreeing on an appropriate caps for expenses certainly makes sense. A suitable method is when one spouse decides to cover 75 percent of the charges, and the other parent pays the rest.
Expect the Best But Plan for the Worst
Some parents set aside a certain sum of money for higher education costs. Others opt to keep on saving every year before their child joins college. Whichever direction you decide to take, set aside funds in a 529 plan which is a tax-free place to keep college expenses, or a straightforward trust account.
Securing your money in any of these accounts reduces the temptation of one spouse to “borrow” or withdraw if it’s easy to access the cash. After all, you wouldn’t want to reach your kid’s 18th birthday only to realize that the college fund is depleted.
You should also include requirements for disability and life insurance with amounts sufficient enough to cover all college expenses. In doing so, you make sure that your child is protected in case a tragic and unforeseen calamity befalls you or your spouse.
What If There’s No Agreement in Place?
Co-parenting is important for divorced spouses who don’t have a payment agreement. It teaches them to work together and come up with a solution when it’s time for their child to go to college. However, if they fail to reach an understanding, they could take the issue to a court of law. Depending on the state laws, the judge evaluates the education level of the parent, income statement, and available assets to determine if one parent or both should pay.
If you’re going through a divorce, discussing your finances is one of the challenges you’ll come across. Still, it’s essential to consider your kid’s education and settle on the financial plan that makes sense. It’s one of the best ways of giving your child a comfortable college experience despite potentially difficult times.
How Do Courts Settle Cases on Parent College Tuition Responsibilities?
Today, almost 27 states have legal precedents and laws that allow the court to direct non-custodial parents to contribute towards their child’s higher education. The courts may order one parent to pay all college expenses or just half of the total costs including tuition and accommodation. Judges here evaluate the following factors:
Values and goals of the parent on matters concerning the child’s higher education.
The number of fees that the child needs to join college, for example, to become a professional essay writer.
Does the parent have the ability to pay?
Aptitude and commitment of their child when it comes to their education.
Is there any financial aid like loans or grants?
The relationship that the child has with the paying parent.
In other situations, the judge goes through the family history to know if the parties have previously paid for an older child. Furthermore, the background of the parents’ education is another crucial element that they will look at as well. If both of them have certified college degrees, there’s a strong possibility that the judge will order them to cater to their child’s school fees too.
What If You Can’t Afford to Pay Your Kid’s College Fees?
Most parents would love to help their kids get the best level of education. Unfortunately, college can be quite expensive with costs increasing every year. So, what should you do if you don’t have the resources? The best answer is: it depends!
If the state directs you to contribute to your child’s education, then you’ll have to look for appropriate and legal means. The same case applies if you had already made a previous agreement with your spouse. The good news is there are plenty of methods in which you can pay your child’s college fees. For example:
Applying for scholarships or grants
Encouraging your child to enroll in a local community college
Taking up a Parent Plus Loan or any other loan
Normally, divorce causes low self-esteem in young children. However, most parents love their children and want them to have the best things in life. We also understand the hefty college fees that parents have to pay. The process is even more challenging if you’re seeking an annulment.
However, we hope that, with all this information in mind, you can make the right financial plan for your family’s needs.
About the Author: Jake Lester is an essay writer that is fond of writing about various spheres of life. The most recurring themes he covers are education, writing and marketing. He has his own writing style and this is why he is appreciated by readers. You may look through Facebook, Twitter & Google+.
Being married to someone with an addiction can be a very traumatic and heartbreaking experience.
Addiction can take over a person’s ability to function as an active part of a relationship. It can turn the person you love into someone you no longer recognize. It becomes exponentially worse if they refuse to seek treatment and their addiction spirals, especially for a prolonged period. Their behavior can quickly become out of control and can put a heavy strain on you and your family.
Many couples in which one is spouse dealing with addiction come to a crossroads — and if the relationship reaches a breaking point, the topic of divorce often comes up. Suddenly, wedding vows and the future a couple had planned together are clouded by the behaviors and troubles addiction tends to bring into people’s lives.
So how long can someone attempt to support their spouse until they have to leave the relationship for their own health? When is divorce the best option? The answers are different for everyone, but it’s important to consider certain factors before making any final decisions.
How Addiction Affects Marriage
According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, about 24.6 million Americans are in marriages where one spouse has a substance use disorder. This number is alarmingly high, but it’s also indicative of just how common addiction has become in our country. It affects people from all walks of life, and many are faced with the decision of whether to stick by their spouse or get out of the relationship to save themselves and potentially their partner, too.
Addiction can bring many negative and potentially dangerous behaviors into a relationship, namely violence, trouble with the law, criminal activity, cheating, and lying, among other things. When a member of the family is dealing with an addiction, their spouse and children experience the pitfalls of their behavior. After some time, when they have fully become immersed in their addiction and care about nothing else, some partners choose to end their marriage for the sake of the family.
However, many people struggle with this decision, feeling as though they are abandoning a loved one who needs help. This can lead to feelings of powerlessness, resentment, and confliction. Especially when a spouse has fallen into the role of an enabler, the decision to leave can become an even more difficult one. The partner with a substance use disorder may have become accustomed to their spouse cleaning up their messes, lying for them, and being the scapegoat for their struggles.
Choosing to Stay
If you choose to stay in your marriage and support your spouse who is dealing with addiction, it’s crucial to ensure that you are not enabling them.
If your relationship has remained somewhat intact and enabling behavior isn’t present, it’s time to consider staging an intervention to encourage your spouse to get treatment. There are many ways in which you approach this issue, but it’s necessary for the future of your marriage to address the addiction — even if your spouse is considered “functional” while still being fully addicted to a substance.
At this stage of addiction, with the help of treatment and counseling, there is still a good chance a relationship can be saved. Once your spouse has entered treatment, there will likely be many changes that will occur when embracing a sober lifestyle.
While treatment will bring much relief to the relationship, it will also bring about a new set of challenges. Recovery is a long road, and it only begins with the decision to seek treatment. This is something that will have to be managed over a lifetime, and your marriage will have to adjust to these changes. If you are willing to stick by your spouse and see them through treatment, it’s still not a guarantee that the marriage will survive once they are sober, but you will have given it your best effort.
There are many steps in between that can be aided with the help of a professional counselor to teach both you and your spouse the tools you will need to put your relationship back together.
Choosing to Leave
If you have been the victim of abuse, cheating, and other manipulations that are drug-use related and you have found yourself in the role of an unwilling enabler, all signs may be pointing you towards divorce.
This is a hard decision to finalize but at no point should anyone tolerate physical, mental, emotional, or verbal abuse in a marriage. While addiction is likely what is fueling your spouse’s behavior, if they have been resistant to receiving treatment or have not followed through with staged interventions, it’s time to consider leaving the relationship.
Especially when there are children involved, it’s important to lessen their exposure to abusive behaviors that may occur as a result of an addiction. Some theories assert that the spouse leaving a marriage could be a factor to push the spouse with addiction into receiving treatment. This is what some consider to be “rock bottom.” It’s not always the route to go, but if you and your children are in danger, it is the best step to take to ensure everyone’s safety.
Seeking out a divorce attorney may fill you with dread, but once court orders are mandated, it’s important to ensure that the spouse has no contact with you or any children unless they are presently enrolled in treatment. This isn’t done to punish the person with the addiction, but rather as a safety precaution that is delegated by the court.
Deciding to stay or leave your spouse who is dealing with addiction can be one of the hardest decisions to make in your lifetime, but a very important one. Place your needs and the needs of your family before your spouse’s addiction. If you feel you are in danger or if there is violence in the home, it’s imperative to leave the situation as soon as possible.
About the Author: Holly is the Digital Content Coordinator for MedMark Treatment Centers. She works to help spread awareness and end the stigma of addiction.
Going through a divorce can have gender-specific implications. Psychologists have long worked to establish the different ways in which divorce affects men and women. While research tends to state that divorce is emotionally harder on men, women will go through specific experiences, as well.
If you are currently losing your husband or you’ve already gone through this experience, it will be helpful to keep a number of important facts in mind.
Self Care is More Important Than Ever
In the typical family, the woman is the caretaker. Psychologically, emotionally, and even hormonally, wives tend to put others’ needs ahead of their own. This predisposition can make a divorce incredibly challenging.
Separation from a spouse is a life-changing experience. Trying to be a caregiver for everyone while also attempting to handle the emotional toll can be overwhelming (to say the least). It’s OK to put your needs first at the time of the divorce. Giving yourself some time to heal and focusing on your own needs will actually turn you into a better caregiver for your kids and everybody else who’s counting on you.
Financial Matters Will Change
Research suggests that many women are hit hard by the financial toll of divorce. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s taking care of the kids or you have a career, cash-flow will often decrease significantly after the separation is finalized.
In the aftermath of divorce, it’s a good idea to think about cutting expenses. Chances are, divorce-related expenses have also accumulated, which is why the first few months can be particularly stressful.
Dealing with finances in an emotionally-charged period of time could seem like mission impossible. This is precisely why preparation is key. If you’re unprepared, the financial implications of divorce will hit you even harder.
All Advice Isn’t Necessarily Good Advice
Going through a divorce will likely unleash an avalanche of stories from friends and acquaintances. Some accounts will be dramatic or exaggerated altogether.
However, others’ divorces will often be in no way comparable to your experience. This is why advice received from well-intentioned individuals may not be applicable. Issues your best friend experienced during her divorce are not necessarily issues you will have to deal with.
The same applies to tips aimed at helping you cope with the situation after the divorce is finalized. When you go through the process, you may discover that it’s nothing like others experienced. Take others’ horror stories with a grain of salt and try not to stress out about the extremes some people describe.
A Court Won’t Always Divide Property 50/50
Property should be divided equally between the two parties, right? Not necessarily! The rule applies solely to property that has been acquired over the course of the marriage. In addition, different rules will apply in different parts of the US. You’ll need to know local regulations and a good way to acquaint yourself with specifics is to consult an experienced divorce attorney.
Property division could depend on multiple factors so don’t take the 50/50 rule into account. Be prepared for the deal you get to be far from the fairest one.
Legal Alternatives May Be Available
Going through a divorce can be incredibly taxing on everyone involved. This is one of the reasons why so many couples have begun looking for legal alternatives to divorce.
Collaborative law is a new legal possibility that’s being introduced in most states. The collaborative method has both individuals committing to keeping proceedings out of court. While they’re still being represented by attorneys, ex-spouses can reach mutually-beneficial and amicable decisions this way.
Obviously, looking for a legal alternative will depend on the predisposition of your ex. If you don’t want to go through the emotional and financial toll of a divorce, however, you should definitely talk to them about other options.
Don’t rush into dating after the separation. Many women who impulsively begin searching for a new partner have been known to commit serious mistakes.
The most common one is looking for someone similar to an ex-husband (or the complete opposite). Psychological patterns will often keep us doing the same ineffective things. When you end one mistake in a divorce, chances are you’ll be looking to start a similar one.
Take your time and focus on yourself. This way, you’ll get a better idea about what went wrong the last time and what can be done to make things better the next time you get into a relationship.
About the Author: Beverly Lerch is a young freelance writer and a great expert in self-improvement, motivation, and productivity. She has various interests and cannot imagine her life without sport. You can follow her on Twitter here.