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Other people suck.

Just kidding…but sometimes it sure can feel that way!

Dealing with people who complain or are negative can be draining. 

Both negativity and positivity are contagious. 

In our recent survey, Gloria asked if we could share some tips for managing negative energies at work.

Here are ten tips for managing negative energies at work:

1. Focus on Yourself and What’s in Your Control.

Remember who you are and what’s important to you.  Why are you here? (in this job, this situation, this room…what’s your deeper motivation?) There’s something that matters to you. Maybe it’s having an impact with your work, or providing for your family. Get clear on your values and what matters to you, and make a decision to not let other people’s negativity derail you. Stay committed to your truth and your priorities.

Focus on what you can control. Only things that can be initiated by you or are in your control are worth your time and attention. Use the five powerful questions in step ten below anytime you feel stuck.

2. Exit Stage Left.

Refuse to get sucked into other people’s drama. If people around you are being negative or gossiping, remove yourself from the conversation. Leave the room if necessary. If you’re worried about offending people, try saying; “I need to go to the bathroom / make a call / get a glass of water,” and simply excuse yourself. Leave the room or leave the conversation. When that’s not possible, redirect the conversation to more positive topics or simply stay quiet and go to your happy place inside. (meditation helps with this)

3. Be a Gossip Free Zone.

Don’t gossip. Gossip lets people know you’re open for drama. It can be tempting to talk about others, especially as a way to build connection through a common enemy. But in the end, gossip is a form of drama. Make a commitment to live a gossip free life, and stop yourself whenever you say anything negative about others. If people are gossiping around you, leave the conversation or say; “I’ve made a commitment to only say positive things about others…so I’m just gonna be quiet!”

4. They Go Low, You Go High. 

When in doubt, remember Michelle Obama’s wonderful words; “When they go low, we go high.” Be the better person, don’t stoop to other people’s level if they’re trying to drag you down.

Remember you’re bigger than this. Life is bigger than this. When you’re on your deathbed, this situation won’t matter at all. Reframe by refocusing on the bigger picture and being the bigger person. 

5. Acknowledge Your Triggers. 

If you get sucked into other people’s drama, can’t stay neutral or calm, it means you’re triggered in some way. Something they’re doing is a match for a pain point in you. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother you to this degree. 

Get curious by asking yourself; “Hmm, what does this remind me of? When have I felt this way before?” 

Do the work to clear your own triggers, and much of the drama around you will simply dissolve.

6. Let it Go. Don’t Fester.

Scream into a pillow, write in your journal or write a horrible letter to the person that you’ll never share (write this at home! You don’t want it found at the office). Do what you need to get that crappy energy out of your system. One study found that people who journaled for three days, twenty minutes a day, reported significantly less depression scores.

There are a few meditations and energy healing techniques to let go of other people’s negative energy. Join this 15 Day Meditation Challenge to try it

One quick and effective way to let go is to use deep belly breathing. Whenever you find yourself in a negative situation, take a few deep breaths all the way into your belly to calm yourself down. Inhale deeply to the count of five, and exhale to the count of eight. Having a longer exhale will activate your parasympathetic nervous system and help calm you down.

7. The Power of Ritual.

Another helpful trick is to have a small ritual or daily habit to let go of other people’s negative energy. One client of mine who worked at a fast growth tech start-up liked visualizing letting go of the day’s stress every time he got in the elevator to leave work. As the elevator went down, he’d imagine that he was releasing all the stress from his day. Then he’d listen to upbeat music as he left the elevator to get in a really happy mood. 

Washing your hands or lighting a candle first thing when you get home from work is another simple, effective ritual. It sounds silly, but give it a shot and see for yourself. As you feel the warm water and bubbles of soap on your hands, visualize or imagine that you’re washing off other people’s negative energy and the stress from your day. Do this before entering your private space with those you love. This will help you avoid bringing that negative energy into your home.

8. Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness.

When you’re frustrated by the behavior of others, instead of judging them or beating yourself up for judging them, practice self-compassion. Start by saying to yourself; “This is hard. Other people have struggled with this too. Let me be kind to myself in this moment.” 

Then, imagine what you’d say to a friend who was dealing with a similar situation. Say those same words to yourself.

You can also practice forgiveness towards the person whose behavior impacted you negatively. Try imagining them as a young child, innocent and happy. See if you can have compassion for that version of them.

Remember, inside every bully, jerk or a**hole is a wounded little girl or boy who didn’t get what they needed. When someone feels whole and complete, they don’t feel the need to harm others. People lash out or are negative to others only because they’re in pain themselves. Think back on a time when you did or said something you’re not proud of; were you hurting inside when you did it? 

Put yourself in their shoes by thinking; “This person, just like me, wants to be successful. This person, just like me, is trying to prove their worthiness. This person, just like me, wants to feel loved and cared for. This person, just like me, wants to be respected. This person, just like me, has experienced pain in their life and sometimes takes it out on others in an unproductive way. This person, just like me, deserves to feel love and belonging….” 

9. Surround Yourself with Happy People.

Here’s a brutal, loving truth; if you constantly find yourself surrounded by miserable people, maybe you’re the common denominator! This is not a fun truth to acknowledge, but naming it is the first step to shifting it. 

If this feels true to you, don’t beat yourself up. It’s ok. You can make a new choice at any moment and begin surrounding yourself with happy people. Pay attention to the culture of an organization and look for red flags. Are the people genuinely happy to be there? 

Think about what you need to be happy, and choose an organization that’s a good fit (if you’re a parent who wants to leave by 4pm to see your kid’s soccer game, don’t work at a start-up run by single twenty year olds who stay at the office until 8pm…unless they seem empathetic. State your needs up front and see how they react.

One billionaire’s #1 piece of hiring advice is to hire happy people. Choose teams, bosses and companies with happy people. Make hiring happy people and working for happy people a priority. It really is that simple. 

10. Don’t be a Victim. Use These Five Powerful Questions.

Anytime you feel impacted by someone else’s negativity, try asking yourself the following five questions;

Hmmm, how am I contributing to this situation?

Hmmm, what is it I really want (that’s in my control and can be initiated by me)?

What am I willing to do to create that?

What is the gift or opportunity in this situation? How is this making me a better person?

What is this contrast showing me about myself and my desires? If this situation is showing me what I don’t want, how do I want to choose differently next time?

These questions will help you stop feeling like a victim and start to feel empowered to choose your own reality.

Now that you’ve read these ten tips for dealing with negative colleagues, we’d love to hear from you! 

Leave a comment below and let us know, how do you handle other people’s negative energy?!

Some of the best tools to manage other people’s negative energy involve practicing self-compassion, forgiveness and deep breathing…all of which we’ll be doing in the 15 Day Meditation Challenge!

(You’re in luck)

It’s not too late to join.

So…what are you waiting for?! 

15 Day Meditation Challenge starts this week. Get on board now!

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa 

P.S.  Enjoyed these tips? Share this blog with your friends & family HERE.

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Lately, I’ve been deepening into some healing practices that have supported me for years. One of them has to do with connecting with your inner child.

Cue eye roll.

When I first heard things like; “heal your inner child,” I would gag a little bit and roll my eyes.

I used to be super anti-therapy.

When I was a kid, I had a lot of anger. My parents dragged me to several different therapists to discover what was “wrong” with me.

This didn’t leave me feeling great about myself or therapists.

My mom is still somewhat incredulous that I now work in a related field given my vehement hatred of therapists when I was little.

The truth is, when I began my own journey of self-discovery, I was incredibly distrustful and critical of anyone and everyone.

Despite my resistance, there’s one technique that really helped.

This technique has been so helpful to me over the years, I decided to create a brand new guided meditation so you can try it too!  Here it is:

Years ago, I learned a profound practice to connect with my wounded little girl and give her exactly what she needed.

The adult version of me would visit her, often when she was in an upsetting situation, and ask what she needed. Then, I’d give her the love and comfort she desperately craved.

At first, she was so angry she wanted nothing to do with me. So I imagined myself up lying down on the floor next to her and throwing a tantrum alongside her. She peeked at me out of the corner of her eye with curiosity when I did that.

The next time I visited her, we threw rocks over a cliff and destroyed some stuff. It was kind of exhilarating. I asked if she wanted to color a picture, and she pushed so hard with the crayons that she tore a hole in the paper. It felt weird and discomforting to visit this little girl who was so angry.

But several people I respected told me this technique worked, so I stuck with it.

Over time, I built trust with that little girl. Eventually, she let me hold her and comfort her.

The other night, I went to meditate but got distracted.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I was checking (read: obsessively scrolling) this app called Insight Timer to see how many views and star reviews my meditations and course had gotten.

Rather than meditating myself, I was focused on how many people were listening to my meditations. (Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think?)

I started to feel bad and admonished myself thinking; “You call yourself a ‘spiritual teacher’ and yet there goes your ego again Vanessa, still checking how many views you’ve got!”

Lying in bed afterwards, I visualized my little girl.

I was beating myself up a bit about my own ego and decided to see how she was doing.

Flip the script.

When I flipped the script and made it about my inner wounded child instead of my ego, suddenly everything changed.

I thought; “Oh, you really want validation. You didn’t get the love, praise and validation you deeply desired as a kid, so you’re seeking it out here.”

From eye roll to compassion in five minutes flat.

In less than five minutes of connecting with that wounded little girl, I went from an eye roll at my never-satiated ego into complete and utter compassion for her. I felt her sadness at not feeling seen or recognized for who she really is.

Gold medals and blue ribbons abound!

So I visited her. First we destroyed some stuff, because she was still pretty pissed about this lack of recognition. And hey, who doesn’t love a good tantrum?

We threw rocks through all the windows in the house, opened bags of flour and dumped them on the kitchen floor, cut open pillows with knives and let the feathers fly. It was a crazy, fun release.

Then we went to our special, safe house down the street where we were greeted by angels, guides and loved ones including my grandpa who’s no longer alive. They showered her with love and approval.  Next thing I know, they’d put her on a stage, and were giving her a gold medal. And another gold medal, and another. Then they covered her in blue ribbons, telling her; “We see how special you are. We love you. We validate your sacredness.”

She was grinning ear to ear.

When I left the final scene of that visualization, I felt so much better. Most importantly, I was able to connect with deep self-compassion rather than self-judgment.

Instead of feeling annoyed at the never-ending demands of my ego, I saw the little girl underneath that ego and I loved her precious little self.

This technique has been so helpful to me over the years, I decided to create a brand new guided meditation so you can try it too!

Let Go of the Past – Listen Now

This Guided Meditation is designed to help you connect with and heal your inner child.

It may sound cheesy, but it really works!

Try it for yourself and see. After you’ve listened, I’d love to hear from you!

Leave a comment below and let us know; what happened when you visited your little girl or boy? Are there experiences from your childhood you’ve had a hard time letting go of?

May you let go of the past to create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

P.S. If you enjoyed this meditation, you’ll love our brand new 15 Day Meditation Challenge that starts June 23rd!

You’ll get a FREE 10 minute guided meditation every day for 15 days, along with a fireside chat.

Know someone else who’d be interested? Don’t forget to share this link with your family and friends:

http://vanessaloder.com/15-day-meditation-challenge

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Thank you so much to those of you who completed our short survey last week.

If you haven’t filled it out yet – it’s not too late!

Please take 2 minutes to answer these quick questions.

So far, 87% of you would like longer meditations…so that’s definitely happening!

I really want to hear from as many of you as possible before making new products and meditations, so fill out the survey today!

Do you struggle to feel motivated?

This past Sunday, our son James turned three (cupcake in an ice cream cone was a huge hit! Shout out to Chad and Megan)

The week leading up to his birthday, I was emotional that my last baby is no longer a baby. Part of me just wants to cling to him, and not have him grow up.

Time with my kids has always been important, which is why I’ve created a business I love that allows me to have a flexible schedule.

But watching James turn three, and looking at our six year old Eva, I can see how he’ll be independent and have a more structured life with school, playdates and sports before I know it.

They’re so precious, and I want even more time with them.

In conjunction with craving more time with my kids, I’ve also been slightly less motivated at work. Projects that usually excite me were feeling like a burden.

Do you struggle to feel motivated at work?

What if your lack of motivation isn’t an internal problem, but rather the outward symptom of a deeper underlying truth?

Recently, I was evaluating some new work opportunities, and asking; “Hmmm, which of these is my top priority right now?” But nothing was giving me a big YES. Then it hit me…

My kids are my top priority right now.

And, I still want to do high impact, meaningful work – just less of the time.

I remember one woman in our Create Work You Love program saying; “Vanessa, I just want to find a meaningful role doing meaty work, part time. Why is that so hard?”

Michelle Obama.

Michelle is a great role model when it comes to honoring what’s true for you. When she became first lady, she’s notorious for having said her top priority was to be Mom-in-Chief.

Sasha and Malia were her main focus, and yet she also ended up using her platform as First Lady to create lasting change in our country.

But she didn’t try to do everything.

She focused on a few key initiatives and made a real difference in those areas. She built momentum over time.

She honored her truth as both a mother and a change maker.

Getting curious about my own ambition, sadness about my kids growing up, desire to spend more time with them, desire to scale a successful business…I’ve realized a few things.

First, my lack of “motivation” at work isn’t because I’m lazy, or a procrastinator, or too scattered to focus on one thing (although that does happen), it’s primarily because I don’t want to be working this much.

My lack of motivation is a sign that my higher self is sending to remind me that I want my energy, attention, time and focus to be more with my children right now.

In the past, when I’ve struggled to feel motivated at work, it’s also been a sign that it’s not the right work for me to be doing.

Whether you have kids or not, your lack of motivation may have deeper root causes.

When I’ve needed to make a big change with my career, or just focus on a different project at work, a lack of motivation is often the sign post guiding me to that deeper truth.

I invite you to consider a new possibility…

What if your lack of motivation isn’t the problem?

Maybe the problem is we’re not listening to ourselves.

We’re trying to push ourselves to be someone we’re not, or do something that isn’t what we really want to be doing.

So today I ask you; where do you struggle to feel motivated in your life? And what is the deeper truth you’ve been ignoring that’s underneath your lack of motivation?

Let us know whether you struggle to feel motivated, and if there might be deeper reasons behind your feelings.

Leave a comment below.

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

P.S. One new project I’m thrilled to create for you this summer is a brand new 15 Day Meditation Challenge + Fireside Chats!

Don’t forget to fill out this survey so we know what topics you’re most interested in!

Photo Credit:  Artem Kovalev on Unsplash

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Holding a grudge?

We’ve all felt hurt or betrayed by others. Sometimes, it can be hard to let go of the past.

When you hold a grudge, it weighs you down.

Try saying this out loud; “I’m holding a grudge.”

Notice how you feel after saying those words. For me, the words conjure up images of hanging onto something awful and heavy.

Are you ready to let go and move on?

Practicing forgiveness is one of the best ways to release past hurts.

Here’s a longer Guided Meditation on Forgiveness

Get fired up! Exciting news….

I’m working on a BRAND NEW 15 Day Meditation Challenge with longer meditations!

This Forgiveness Practice is a sneak peek at what’s coming your way in the next month. (aww yeaaaaahhh)

When I first heard about forgiveness meditation, I assumed I’d be forgiving the other person.

After all, they were the ones who’d hurt or wronged me, right?! (Ha! Naive little bunny on her moral high horse.) Well, I sure was surprised when the meditation included forgiving myself for the ways I may have hurt or wronged them. And the ways I may have hurt myself.

Forgiving yourself is deeply healing work.

At first, this wasn’t always easy to feel or acknowledge. But with practice, it helped tremendously.

Try it out for yourself now.

After you’ve listened to today’s guided meditation, we’d love to hear from you!

Do you struggle to forgive other people? Are there certain people from your past that you’re still hurt by? Leave a comment below the meditation and let us know.

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

P.S. Have a friend or family member who’s struggling to let go of a past hurt? Forward this blog and meditation. They’ll thank you for it.

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Originally Posted on Forbes. 

Burnout is defined as physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress. As it turns out, there are ways to identify the early warning signs of burnout. And, there are many simple practices you can put in place immediately to prevent burnout from becoming an occupational hazard.​​

Here are 13 Early Signs of Burnout:

1. High levels of stress or anxiety. Feeling frequently on edge, with adrenaline constantly coursing through your body.

2. Lack of engagement. You don’t feel motivated at work. You have difficulty focusing or exhibit a short attention span.

3. Increased cynicism. Feelings of resentment or disconnection. You may notice yourself being more negative and cynical. Feeling cranky and defensive or snapping at people easily. You don’t make time to talk on the phone or connect with the people who matter most to you. If you’re feeling a lot of resentment towards others, chances are it’s because you’re not getting your needs met and you’re on the path to burnout.

4. Distracted eating. You eat your meals in front of a computer, television or while on the go (in the car, standing up, etc.)

5. Not getting enough sleep. The suggested minimum amount of sleep is seven to eight hours each night, if you’re getting less than this, you risk some level of burn out.

6. Low energy and exhaustion. You’re tired. Not just sleepy tired, but emotionally fatigued. You may feel exhausted by the end of the day, with no energy left to exercise or even engage with others, you just want to crash and watch television or zone out in some other way.

7. Never enough time. You feel as though you’re always in a hurry and never have enough time for all the things you’re trying to accomplish each day.

8. Excessive worrying, high level of self-criticism. Your mind cycles through the same worry filled thoughts again and again and you can’t seem to stop. The critical voice in your head is very loud, telling you constantly to do more, work harder, and no matter what you accomplish, you’re still not doing enough. There is no self-compassionate voice to balance out the critical voice, or if there is, it is very weak and you can barely hear it.

9. Physical illness. Initially,the physical symptoms can be subtle. You may experience headaches, a persistent cold, have a stomach bug or an upset stomach frequently, or a weak immune system in general. If early signs are ignored, your body may hit a wall and receive a more serious diagnosis.

10. Numb feelings. Increase in addictive behavior. Initially, this can show up as an excessive dependence on caffeine and/or sugar to stay alert and boost energy when feeling low. As things progress, an increased dependence on drugs, alcohol, eating comfort foods or watching more television than usual can be signs you’re burning out and using these coping mechanisms to avoid acknowledging how you really feel.

11. Inefficacy. Experiencing diminished personal accomplishment, a perceived decline in competence or productivity, and expending energy at work without seeing any results.

12. No Breaks.

– Vacation. You can’t remember the last time you took a single day off just to relax and do nothing. Or perhaps you haven’t had a vacation in over six or even twelve months.

– Recharge throughout the day. You may have a tendency to push through your work without taking a break. It’s one thing to be in the zone, but if you notice you’re not getting up to get a glass of water, stretch your legs, go on a walk or call a friend at least once every 90-120 minutes, you could be putting unnecessary stress on your body.

– Weekly Rituals. You haven’t made time for a rejuvenating activity in the last week (massage or any pampering treatment, a bath, cooking or reading a book simply for pleasure, going on a hike, etc.).

13. Not enough exercise. You aren’t making as much time to exercise or move your body as you would like.

What are some practical, simple & cost free anti burnout things to do?

First, go through the list above and circle your top three symptoms. Next, ask yourself “Hmmm, what do I need?” for each of these areas. For example, if you’re eating at your desk five days a week, what you need could be to connect with friends or colleagues over lunch more often, or to exercise during your lunch break. If you haven’t taken a vacation in over a year, what you need could be to schedule a vacation.

Once you determine what you need, come up with an action step for each of these three areas. An action step has a “What” and a “By When.” For example, Action Step: I will plan a vacation and book the tickets by next Thursday at 4pm. Setting concrete goals is one of the best ways to ensure you’ll make a change.

Avoiding burnout starts by putting some of these preventative measures in place. If you want even more accountability, you can recruit an anti-burnout partner. Tell this person what your action steps are and ask him or her to hold you accountable by checking in to make sure you’ve followed through. Getting support and setting clear action steps will help you implement these simple practices with greater ease.

Want more tips to avoid burnout? Get this (Free) video: 9 Steps to Create Work You Love

Photo Credit: Kinga Cichewicz

The post How To Prevent Burnout – 13 Signs You’re On The Edge appeared first on Vanessa Loder.

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Recently, I was scheduled to have a coaching call with one of the women in our Tactical Magic Mastermind, which is a ten month program CWYL grads. When we got on the phone, she was in the middle of making herself lunch and had just gotten back from multiple back to back offsites and coach trainings while maintaining her full time day job.

She was a bit frenzied.

Her original plan was to quit her job, then pursue her next step to become certified as a coach. Instead, she’s doing everything at once.

When we got on the phone, I could feel how her energy was a bit distracted and pulling her elsewhere. She wanted quiet time to process and integrate all the new material and insights she’d just received.

Your needs can change. Your plan can evolve.

Even though we’d scheduled a call, I told her it felt like we should cancel. I suggested that perhaps the lesson she was meant to learn was that it’s ok to do less, say; “No,” and prioritize downtime.

Honoring your moment to moment truth is powerful.

I could hear her breath a sigh of relief as she giggled and agreed that perhaps the point of our call for the day was to not have a call. It was the wise choice in that moment.

Bonus benefit: canceling the call felt in flow for me too, and gave me the extra time to write this blog!

Scared of disappointing people? What if you’re doing them a favor!?

Have you ever felt scared to say no or back out of a commitment because you didn’t want to disappoint others? Maybe you’re doing the other person a favor.

We could all use more space. Leading by example inspires others.

This woman realized she’d taken on too much, and she recently had an insight that she was the one doing that to herself. No one else was asking her to do all these things at the same time.

I’ve suffered from self-induced overwhelm myself, and it ain’t pretty.

(Read my recent blog on “How to Feel Okay Doing Less” for some tips on how to handle this)

It’s amazing how we’ll over-commit and not realize how much we’ve dug ourselves into a hole until we’re way beyond capacity.

Take a step back before you over-commit.

Take a moment to look at your days and week ahead. Do you have a lot going on? Is there a way you can build a little more downtime or cushion between events, meetings and commitments?

As always, the best conversations happen in the comments! Let us know – have you suffered from self-inflicted overwhelm?  What has helped you to do less and take some quiet time to reflect and process between commitments?

We can all find five minutes.

You can create quiet time for reflection, even if it’s just five minutes before you go to bed at night.

T  A K  E     S P A C  E.

Just seeing the words above typed out with more space feels calming to me!

If you want support in calming your anxious mind, try our free 30 Day Meditation Challenge (Starts immediately!)

This Free 30 Day Meditation Challenge is a great way to create some quiet time for just 5 minutes a day.

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

Photo Credit: Artur Rutkowski on Unsplash

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A month ago, I volunteered in our daughter Eva’s kindergarten class with several other parents. There was one boy at my station who was struggling a bit with the craft project and couldn’t glue all the pieces into place before it was time to rotate to another table. His mom, who was volunteering at a different station, came over to our table and quickly finished the project for him.

I judged her.

After watching this woman complete her son’s project, I noticed myself thinking; “She’s doing too much for her son and it’s preventing him from learning to do things for himself.”

To be honest, I made an assumption (laced with judgment) that she was too controlling.

We judge other people all the time.

Recently, I was at a gym class with fast paced cardio and borderline dance moves (sometimes I feel like Beyonce, mostly I feel like a gangly teenager who didn’t quite make the dance team but keeps showing up at tryouts every year anyway. ha!).

This one woman in the front row was very distracting to me.

She was exaggerating all the dance moves in a big way while making aggressive eye contact with herself in the mirror. She also had knee high socks that matched the ones the instructors were wearing. I found her behavior annoying. My judgment about her was…

She’s trying too hard.

As part of the Tactical Magic Mastermind program that I’m teaching right now (for CWYL Grads), we’re learning a simple process to shift our judgments of others.

Owning our projections.

This framework is based on Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is and includes four powerful questions (highly recommend it!).

Today, I want to share the most simple version you can use every day.

The next time you’re judging other people, do this.

First, start by identifying your main criticism, judgment or complaint about another person. Write it down.

Step 1. Write down your judgment.

Example Judgment: That mom from kindergarten is too controlling and does her kids a disservice by taking care of everything for them.

Example Judgment: That woman in gym class is trying to hard.

Uncomfortable truth: Everything you judge about another is really about you.

All our judgments are a projection on some level or another. And, the best way to start owning your projections is to turn them around to yourself (with love and compassion!)

Step 2. Turn your judgment around.

So, take your judgment and turn it around to yourself by switching the pronoun to “I.” Then ask; “hmm, in what way is this true?”

Example: That mom is too controlling and does her kids a disservice by taking care of everything for them.

Turn Around:  

—> I’m too controlling and I do my kids a disservice by taking care of everything for them.

“hmm, in what way is this true?”

Example: That woman in gym class is trying to hard.

Turn Around:  —> I’m trying too hard.

Ouch!

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Our daughter Eva had a craft project spread out across our dining room table for three days last week. After dinner one night, my husband Brent asked her to pick up some of the gems and feathers that’d fallen on the floor. She was slow to respond, I was tired and ready for her to go to bed so I could relax. In my own impatience waiting for her to clean it up, I quickly scooped up the sequins without thinking. It wasn’t until my husband made a comment about how Eva was supposed to clean her own mess that I realized….oh, I am that mom in the kindergarten class.

I scoop sequins.

Maybe I don’t hover in the exact same way or complete my daughter’s project at school, but I do sometimes take on things that are Eva’s responsibility in our home. I can be too controlling and I do a disservice for my children by taking care of things for her them.

Yup, that’s true.

Suddenly, I realized why that mom’s behavior annoyed me. It was because I don’t like that part of myself.

Once I was able to see and own my projection, I felt better.

It’s the same with the woman at the gym. Sometimes, I try too hard and I’m annoyed with myself that I can’t just relax.

I am the woman at the gym.

Maybe I don’t wear matching leggings with the teachers or look at myself intensely in the mirror, but there are other ways in which I try too hard in life. I can be intense too.

After you own a projection, be kind to yourself. (SUPER important)

There can be a temptation to switch from judging or criticizing others to beating ourselves up instead. That’s not the point.

The point is to recognize that we’re not owning a part of ourselves and to give ourselves love and compassion around that area. Then, ask yourself; “hmm, what would I like instead?”

For me, I would like to notice when I’m taking on chores or other responsibilities that are not mine to do, and to just STOP. I want to relax and allow other people to clean up their own messes and learn from their own mistakes.

I relax and trust that we are all whole and complete and can take care of ourselves.

Now, we’d love to hear from you. What are some of your biggest complaints of judgments about someone else? And what did you learn about yourself when you turned those around by switching the pronouns?!

Comment below and join the conversation!

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

P.S. Don’t forget to check out our brand new Morning Meditation: Surrender, Allow and Trust (S.A.T.)

 

Photo: Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

The post Judging others? Me too. appeared first on Vanessa Loder.

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If you’re like most people, you wake up in the morning and immediately check your phone. 

Don’t start your day with other people’s priorities.

When you check your phone first thing in the morning, how does it make you feel?

Start your day on the right foot.

If you begin your day by responding to other people’s demands, you’ll probably feel anxious and stressed out.

Instead, try taking some time to feel centered and get clear on your priorities. You can also ask for guidance from a higher power. I’ve created this new meditation to help you do just that!

Today, we have a brand new guided meditation for you:

Surrender, Allow and Trust (S.A.T.)

by Vanessa Loder

https://vanessaloder.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Surrender-V2.mp3

The Universe has your back.

There’s a force greater than us that’s at work in our lives. If you connect with this higher power first thing in the morning, you can begin your day with a deeper intention to surrender, allow and trust in what life has to offer you.

Have you ever been worried that things wouldn’t go your way?

Trying to control the uncontrollable is exhausting.

(Read my blog on “What to do when you don’t get what you want” HERE)

It’s scary to surrender to the unknown, and yet there’s a profound sense of peace and relief that comes when you do.

This morning S.A.T. Meditation practice will help you to connect with the Divine as you ask; “What would you have me do today? Where would you have me go? What would you have me say, and to whom?”

You’ll learn a process to Surrender, Allow and Trust (S.A.T.) the Universe or God to move in you, as you and through you.

After listening to this meditation, you’ll be more connected to your intuition and better able to accept and surrender to life’s circumstances. You’ll also cultivate a deeper trust that the Universe has your back and that good things are coming your way.

Once you’ve had a chance to listen to today’s brand new Guided Meditation, we’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment and let us know, what did you think of this new guided meditation?

Can you think of a time in the past when you were able to surrender to life’s circumstances or do you often struggle to allow things to happen? C’mon over to the blog and share your story, I’ll be reading every single comment and really do want to hear from you!

May you create work and a life you love,

Vanessa

P.S. This new S.A.T. Meditation is 11 minutes long as some of you have been requesting longer meditations, enjoy!

Photo by Simon Rae on Unsplash

The post Have you S.A.T. today? appeared first on Vanessa Loder.

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I’ve been practicing this new technique from Abraham-Hicks in which I visualize each segment of my day and set an intention whenever I enter a new segment.

New Trick: a simple way to focus and segment your day.

We each go through various transitions from one segment of our day to another, for example when you wake up in the morning and get ready for work, that’s one segment. As you drive or commute to work, that’s another segment. When you walk to a meeting or get lunch, you’re entering another new segment.

Use your transitions to set an intention.

The transitions from one segment or category of your day to another are the perfect time to set an intention and focus clearly on what you want for the upcoming segment.

For example, when you get into your car or on the bus, you can set the intention of arriving safely at your destination with easy flowing traffic, and using the time to do something uplifting.

Before you pick up the phone or walk into a meeting, do this.

When someone calls you on the phone or you walk down the hall to a meeting, take a moment to set an intention for what you’d like to get out of that phone conversation or that meeting. For example; “I uplift those around me, I’m able to communicate my ideas clearly, and get them excited about my overarching goal of xxx.”

What is your primary intention for each segment of your day?

Focus on your intention immediately before starting the activity and you’ll get incredible results!

I just went on a run, which represented a new segment in my day. While on the run, I decided to visualize how I wanted to feel on the run itself, and also how I wanted the next couple of hours to go when I returned to work after the run.

I saw myself getting home, drinking a big glass of water and then standing in my office brainstorming ideas for upcoming blogs on a whiteboard. I visualized the ideas coming with ease, and saw myself quickly sitting down to write two entire articles without pause. I also imagined myself finally finishing a big decluttering effort in my office and putting away all my files.

When I got home from the run, I immediately drank a glass of water and started brainstorming blog ideas. Then, I sat down and wrote two articles really quickly (which doesn’t usually happen! I’m lucky if I get one article draft done in a single day). Everything I had intended happened with so much ease, it was incredible.

Segment intending plants the seeds for you to get more of what you want.

The basic concept behind segmenting is that if you chunk the different activities or segments of your day and focus on what you’d like out of each segment, you’re more likely to create it.

Chunk it down.

If you think of your whole day, it can be too overwhelming and hard to focus on what you’d like. But if you break the day into segments, it’s easier to be focused and clear.

Try it for yourself right now.

As you’re reading this, take a moment and imagine the segment you’re about to enter. Maybe you’re going to sleep for the night, and you want to set the intention of falling asleep with ease and waking up feeling rested. Or maybe you’re taking a short break at work, and you’re about to enter a segment where you want to intend extreme productivity, clear communication and motivation.

What segment are you about to enter next?

How do you want it to go? What are your intentions for this upcoming segment?

See it, feel it and imagine it any way you can. Then, after that segment’s over, check in with yourself notice if you were more effective at creating what you intended for that time period.

You’ll be astounded at how well this technique works!  

Sometimes, it feels like a lot of effort for me to consciously think of what I want throughout the day.

Harness your transitions.

But when I use the transition time between segments to pause for a second and set an intention, it becomes easier.

If you don’t set intentions, your day can feel fragmented or reactive.

If you don’t take the time to get clear on what you want, you’ll end up reacting to other people’s agendas and priorities. Or your day will feel fragmented and unproductive.

The more clear you are about what you want, the more you get what you want.

It’s that simple.

Try it out for yourself and see! We’d love to hear from you – leave a comment BELOW and let us know. What’s your experience of trying out this segment intending?

May you create a life you love with ease and intention,

Vanessa

P.S. I have some brand new meditations we’ll be releasing in the coming weeks! Stay tuned.

Photo Credit: Blubel

The post a simple way to segment your day appeared first on Vanessa Loder.

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