How can you boost the chances that someone will like you? Here are eight strategies to keep in mind—not ways to manipulate people or to be fake, but to make sure that your desire to be friendly effectively shines through:
Smile. Now, this is no shock, but studies do show that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct impact on how friendly you’re perceived to be. Also, people mimic the expressions on the faces they see, soif you smile, you’re more likely to be smiled at. (Scientists have identified 19 types of smiles, by the way.)
Be easily impressed, entertained, and interested. Most people get more pleasure from wowing you with their humor and insight than from being wowed by your humor and insight.
Have a friendly, open, engaged demeanor. Lean toward people, nod, say “Uh-huh,” turn your body to face the other person’s body. Don’t turn your body away, cross your arms, answer in monosyllables, or scan the room (or look at your phone! I have seen this happen!) as the other person talks. If you’re worried that you’re boring someone, here aresome waysto tell.
Remember trait transfer. In “trait transfer,” whatever you say about other people influences how people see you. If you describe a co-worker as brilliant and charismatic, your acquaintance will tend to associate you with those qualities. Conversely, if you describe a co-worker as arrogant and obnoxious, those traits will stick to you. So watch what you say.
Laugh at yourself. Showing vulnerability and a sense of humor make you more likable and approachable. However, don’t push this self-deprecation too far—keep it light. You’ll make others uncomfortable if you run yourself down too much. I met a guy who kept saying things like, “I’m an idiot,” “I have the most boring job ever,” etc. He was trying to be self-deprecating, but it was hard to know how to respond to that kind of comment from a stranger.
Radiate energy and good humor. Because of the phenomenon of “emotional contagion,” people catch the emotions of other people, and they prefer to catch an upbeat, energetic mood. Even if you pride yourself on your cynicism, biting humor, or general edginess, these qualities can be conveyed with warmth.
Show your liking for another person. We’re much more apt to like someone if we think that person likes us. Look for ways to signal that you enjoy a person’s company. When I call my daughters’ pediatrician with some health question, she always says “Hello!” as if she’s genuinely thrilled to hear from me, and I’ve really noticed what a difference it makes on my feelings of warmth toward her.
Try to remember the person’s name! If you can’t remember it, here aresome tips for coping with the situation.
Studies suggest that we decide how close a relationship we’ll have with a new acquaintance within the first ten minutes of meeting that person, and that in evaluating people, we weigh early information more heavily than information acquired later. So make a big effort to be openly friendly the first time you meet someone.
How about you? Have you found any good strategies for showing your eagerness to be friendly?
Spring is the perfect time to find love. It is that wonderful time of year when the sun begins to warm, tops reveal more midriff and skirts get a little shorter. Life is renewed and the world is a flurry of energy once again. Spring is a time when every cubic inch of air seems to be flush with hormones and pheromones zipping around at near supersonic speeds. Why? Because in the spring, love is in the air!
And there’s real science behind the term ‘spring fever’. As nature conspires to give us those extra hours of longed-for daylight, human beings undergo a whole host of psychological and physiological changes resulting in renewed hope and optimism – all in all making it the perfect time of year to find love!
As the new season begins, so will many new loves. What steps will you take to make it possible for you to find love? After a long winter of sitting at home and hibernating, and maybe even feeling sorry for yourself, spring is here to lift your spirits. But only if you let it. Being optimistic and setting goals for your dating life as the new season begins can help you find love if that is what you’re looking for. No matter where you live, spring always brings about a positive attitude. Nature is back in bloom and the human soul is ready for new opportunities in both life and love. Now is the perfect time to prepare new ways and get new ideas that will help you find love. Here are just a few of the reasons why spring is the time to fall in love:
1. Its Biology
Spring is the time of year when animals get back to the work of producing the next generation. It’s the result of biological impulses that have been followed for thousands of years. So, your body may be craving to reproduce with someone, even if you’re not quite ready to have a fam. The mating process consists of everything from flirting to sex. In the spring, we’re surrounded by pheromones and pollen. Reproduction is in the air. Perhaps we haven’t evolved beyond the instinctive desire to reproduce once the weather warms up.
2. You are in a better mood
Did you ever notice how your spirits seem to lift when you slip on some shorts and head outside on a beautiful spring day? You’re not imagining things. Good weather really can lift people’s spirits. In one study, the more time people spent outdoors in the warm weather, the more their mood brightened. You’re happier, and you find yourself smiling, whistling, being nice for no reason, and heck, you’re even clicking your heels on the street corner. These are all symptoms of spring fever (depending on your level of quirkiness). Shaking off rejection becomes much easier, you have more fun on dates, and you’re much more optimistic about your chances of finding The One.
3. You feel sexier
As the weather gets warmer, we shed layers of clothes, we work out more, we’re more conscious of our bodies . The combination of our waning appetite and our waxing wakefulness often leads to springtime weight loss, albeit relatively minor. Researchers at the University of Massachusetts who monitored the eating and exercise habits of six hundred people over a one-year period determined that the majority of the participants gained two pounds in the winter, both because they ate more carbohydrates and because they worked out less during that time. But as soon as spring began, the researchers found, the subjects’ caloric intake declined and their activity levels spiked. Maybe that explains why so many women love showing some skin come May or June: they’re not just enjoying the warmer temperatures, they’re also revealing slimmer figures.
4. Outdoor Advantage
Spring is the perfect time to get outdoors and be social. There will be tons of singles to meet at the running trail, hiking trails, playing beach volleyball, at the dog park, on the golf course, sporting events, you name it. And of course its patio time for happy hours, can’t beat that as a great way to meet quality singles. Take advantage of the warmer weather, get outside and use your in-person charm to snag your next date who may be looking for love also.
5. Increased Energy
“There’s more daylight, so people have more energy,” confirms Dr. Sanford Auerbach, director of Boston University’s Sleep Disorders Center. You’re more willing to go to post-work happy hours, plan weekday dates and spend time socializing later into the evening than you normally would.
And finally, Mother Nature’s sudden burst of sunshine, daffodils, and warmer weather should if nothing else, inspire you to open your heart to receiving love and passion. Besides, there is a true magic when you do find that amazing person with whom you were always meant to be. Why not get out there, take a chance on finding love and enjoying the feverishness of spring as it is meant to be enjoyed. Spring truly is the season of rebirth. Start anew this season, by allowing good things to happen and enjoying all the opportunities that await you. Who knows, by summer you might be sipping a margarita with a new love!
If you want to take a more targeted approach, let the Matchmakers at Something More, Austin’s premier matchmaking service take charge of your love life rather than leaving it to chance. Let us help you catch that wonderfully intoxicating spring fever and find the love of your life. Contact Us NOW to schedule your free consultation.
Julia McCurley is a Certified Matchmaker, former IT recruiter who brings a personal touch to finding love and happiness. Her company, Something More, has facilitated over two thousand introductions and helped create hundreds of successful relationships.
As a Professional Matchmaker in Austin, my male clients frequently ask me if they are being too nice and that’s why they are not having success in finding love. Men like bitches, women like bad boys.
I’ve all heard those clichés. Is being nice now the new boring? Many women in Austin consistently choose the toxic bad boy over sweet, kindhearted, nice guys. It seems illogical for women to choose a guy who is selfish and cruel over a good-hearted man.
So, why do so many women get stuck in that toxic bad boy pattern—attraction, excitement, heartbreak—rinse and repeat? Why do they ignore the sweet nerdy nice guy? So let’s dive into why women like bad boys and often put the nice guys on the shelf.
Nice Guys Don’t Seem Genuine
Nice guys are too nice. No one can always be that nice unless they’re a saint. They are busy being nice instead of being real, and women instinctively don’t trust that. Bad boys “keep it real.” Nice guys don’t want to upset the apple cart.
Nice Guys Are Too Eager to Please
No one respects a doormat or someone who is overly agreeable. Nice guys don’t set boundaries or make any real demands. A bad boy doesn’t let a woman walk all over him or control him. Women can’t respect a man they can control. No respect equals no attraction.
Nice Guys Are Too Predictable
Most people lead boring, predictable lives, so they’re attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable. Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge. A bad boy is not passive. He doesn’t ask her permission to kiss her, he just does it.
Fortunately, much of the nice guy versus bad boy dilemma can be attributed to things out of our control: science. According to Joe Quirk’s It’s Not You It’s Biology, women want one night stands with the hot, bad guys for their genes.
You read that right—genes not jeans. Subconsciously, women want the strongest, hottest genes to make healthy babies. It’s basic human instinct to go after sexy bad boys as a breeding strategy. What woman doesn’t want her kid to be powered by tough guy genes? We may no longer be cave men and women, but we’re still about the survival of the fittest.
Another scientific theory goes that women tend to have more feminine energy, which responds to emotion. In comparison, men tend to have more masculine energy, which responds to logic and reason. For women, this means that the more emotion someone makes them feel, be it positive or negative, excitement or pain, the more pull women feel towards that person.
In other words, women feed on emotion to feel alive (so the theory goes). Unfortunately, even though the emotion can be negative, oftentimes, she would rather choose this over someone who doesn’t make her feel anything.
Emotions are what drive people. Emotions are the currency of attraction, seduction, and satisfaction. People do things for one reason and one reason only – to change the way they feel. People are literally driven to action by emotions, and that’s why strong emotions are exactly why women like bad boys!
Bad Boys Are Often Narcissists
One could argue that women are drawn to bad boys is because the majority of them are narcissists who are master charmers and manipulators, furthering their success at short-term mating. Studies overwhelmingly show that narcissism is greater in men, even across cultures.”
Essentially, this means there may be more bad guys in the world than there are nice guys which makes it easier to accidentally fall in love with one at some point. Statistically, it’s not difficult to do. As much as bad boys are downright hypnotizing, it’s important to note that their charming ways quickly wear out.
Although bad boys find it relatively easy to begin new relationships, research says that, over time, they find it difficult to maintain their mesmerizing first impression. But, for the most part, the evidence suggests that both women and men prefer nice partners and are turned off by jerks.
What About Women Who Want Long Term Relationships?
According to a recent study by Evolutionary Psychology revealed that women place higher importance on altruism over good looks when it comes to choosing a partner for a long-term relationship. In fact, these women rated men who were caring and compassionate as more intriguing, appealing, and desirable life-long mates than guys who were handsome and charming. In fact the power of niceness shouldn’t be underestimated.
Another study has shown that having a nice personality can affect impressions of a person’s physical attractiveness. Characteristics such as warmth, kindness, and basic decency are both valued by men and women. Having them makes us them makes us more desirable partners and appear more physically attractive.
And yet another study demonstrated that women prefer men who are sensitive, confident and easy-going, and that very few (if any) women want to date a man who is aggressive or demanding.
The biggest problem with the nice-guys-finish-last stereotype, aside from going against the grain of years of scientific evidence, is that it may compromise the possibility of forming meaningful relationships. The idea that women want to date bad boys really just reinforces the misguided idea of deceitful women and earnest nice men baffled by their lack of dating success. It allows some men to blame and hate women as a means of deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings.
Recap: Do Women Like Bad Boys or Nice Guys
It’s good to be good. But women want it all. We want a good, trustworthy guy who will respect us and follow through, but we also want a bad boy who goes against the grain, breaks some rules, takes some risks, and shows us who’s in charge. A few other things women want from a man:
They want a confident man who can stand up for himself and isn’t needy or clingy, but still offers them the comfort, support, and compassion a woman needs to feel valued and loved.
They want a man who goes after his goals in life, but still tries to make her a priority in his life.
They want a man who is not smothering.
They want a man who is supportive of the choices they make.
In short, they want a man who has a happy blend of the bad boy and nice guy with a little modern day man thrown in. Being nice doesn’t mean you finish last.
Everyone knows the cliché, romantic comedy stereotype. A person in love seems to walk on air, have a magical glow, and radiate joy from every pore. While it may not be quite so peachy-keen in real life, most people would agree that love, especially the early stages of it, brings about a mood of happiness with many physical and emotional benefits.
What may not be quite so obvious is that the effects of being in love are more far reaching than meets the eye. Many studies conducted have shown that love positively affects the body and physical health as well as emotional health.
In these studies, love is defined as a joyful, visceral connection to another person, whether married, dating, or in the first few moments of falling in love. Human beings are social creatures, and seek out loving relationships for companionship and connectivity. This sense of partnership and belonging brings great emotional joy, but most surprising are the tangible, physical effects of love.
Research has shown that love can help people live longer and with less stress, have stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, and a lower risk of dementia and depression. Married men and women have been proven to be healthier, live longer, drink less, and visit the doctor less than unmarried people. Some medical findings demonstrate that physical wounds disappear faster in people who have supportive discussions with a partner during the healing process. And of courses, there is the exultant glow of a person in love. Happy, positive people look better and feel better from day to day, and as they age.
Many studies about love refer to married men and women, but long term love without the license is still good for health. In fact, without love, the benefits of marriage decrease. Studies show that unhappily married couples have higher blood pressures than both married and unmarried people. In some cases, partners may be better off (and healthier) alone.
Why exactly does love have these healthful side effects? The reasons range from emotional to logical to scientific. Logically, loving partners and spouses are more likely to encourage healthy habits in their significant other, such as preventative care, having health insurance, exercising, and flossing. A loving partner will also discourage unhealthy habits, such as heavy drinking and smoking. Scientifically speaking, the brain’s dopamine reward system that enacts feelings of pleasure is triggered by love. Contact with a loved one also triggers a physical response by releasing the hormone oxytocin, in turn lowering stress, reducing blood pressure, improving mood, and increasing tolerance for pain. And besides just sexual contact, long-term couples create bonds through other forms of intimate touch, such as cuddling and hugging.
All in all, a person in love tends to be happier, in mind and in body; indeed, emotional and physical health often go hand in hand as far as the repercussions of love are concerned. Improved mood and feelings of acceptance can lead to more energy and generosity, and less stress. Also, the sharing and displays of generosity between partners stir generous feelings in both parties and makes them better givers and more gracious acceptors. Having someone to share worries and fears can also lessen the mental and physical burden on a person, lowering their stress levels and relieving feelings of responsibility and pressure. And emotional and spiritual growth are more apt to occur when one’s heart and mind are open and available.
What about single people? Are they destined to a life of sadness and misery? Of course not! While studies have shown a strong correlation between marriage and health, the act of simply loving another person can provide happiness. There are many different types of relationships that bring similar health benefits to people who are not married. Parent, child, sibling, friend, neighbor, colleague, and family relationships all require trust, support, and love from both sides to thrive. Short term friendly or romantic relationships also have the potential to grow into long-term ones that will continue to provide emotional and physical benefits throughout both party’s lives. In fact, studies show that all strong emotional connections improve the odds of survival by about 50 percent. That means being social and connected to people has the same benefits as quitting smoking, and even more physical benefits than exercise.
The advice that applies to single people and those who find themselves with a few less social connections than they’d prefer applies to everyone. When a bad situation presents itself, the best idea is to reach out and make contact. Sharing worries with others and letting them help to bear the load makes the load lighter for everyone; this in turn lowers stress while strengthening the bonds that get people through the hard times in life. Physical contact with another person can also help relieve stress and build feelings of connectedness. Even among friends, a shoulder squeeze or hug can have positive health effects.
These glowing benefits of low may make the cynic suspect if the opposite is also true. Unfortunately, it can be. Rejection or loss in love can be a major factor in depression and suicide, especially in younger people. Divorce also affects health; according to one study, divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health conditions than people that are still part of a long-term couple. Even remarriage does not completely negate the effects of a previous love gone wrong. However, losing love can have a positive spin. Dealing with a failed relationship can help foster an enlightened personal state of mind.
Human brains and emotions are wired to crave intimate love and it’s easy to see why. The body and the mind both improve in a big way when a person is in love. But don’t forget that romantic love is not the only type of love. Everyone benefits from close friendships and family relationships. And that’s a fact anyone can love.
Julia McCurley is founder of Austin’s premier, offline matchmaking service called Something More. Julia is a Certified Matchmaker as deemed by the internationally recognized Matchmaking Institute. Julia and Something More have been creating happy couples in Austin since 2009. Finding people true love is her calling. For more information visit www.trysomethingmore.com
Want to know how to approach anyone anywhere? Read
Behind every affair is a trail of tell-tale signs that make you think he might be cheating. Often times, though, these signs are subtle and are only detected in hindsight, after the affair comes to light. We all think we know the signs that he’s cheating, whether it be through sketchy phone calls, increased focus on appearance, or late hours at work. However some men are able to commit infidelity without any of the “normal” signs we are accustomed to. How are we to spot a cheater when we don’t know what to look for? So if your affair radar is up because your partner’s behavior just feels off or out of the ordinary — here are 10 counter intuitive signs you may be overlooking.
1. You get along better than ever
Because he is no longer committed to your relationship anymore, nothing bothers him. Perfection or a complete lack of friction is unnatural in a relationship. If you suddenly feel like you are living in a fairy tale, it might be time to ask some questions.
2. He is more helpful
He spends more time helping look after the children than he typically does. He may even start doing more around the house, or checking jobs off the honey lists that have been left unfinished for months. He is more than happy to do the grocery shopping, go to the dry cleaner, and do the banking, plus this gives him alone time to talk with his paramour.
3. He showers you with compliments
Another reverse psychology move a cheating man does is to be overly complimentary of you. And while this extra praise, attention, and admiration may make you feel incredible, too much of it should raise a red flag. So in reality, by attempting to make you feel good with his constant praise, he’s actually trying to make himself feel less bad about his actions.
4. The Sex is better
In a case of infidelity, believe it or not, your partner may start an increasing of sexual activity and even do things that have never before had occurred and that he probably learned from the other woman. This is typically hard to see as a possible indicator because most people don’t think their partner will increase affection if they’re cheating.
5. He’s always in a good mood
It’s always heartwarming to see the person you love feel happy, but it can be a little suspicious if his mood skyrockets for absolutely no reason. But sometimes, the reason he’s suddenly acting like the world is his oyster, is because the needs that weren’t being met in the relationship are being met elsewhere.
6. He dotes on you more
This is a common diversion tactic that a lot of cheaters will use on the people they are in relationships with. They will seemingly put their interest in their partners on overdrive. They will act OVERLY interested and invested in their relationships as a way of covering up all the deceit and betrayal that is taking place behind the scenes.
7. He never complains about your girls nights outs
He’s never suggested it before and suddenly he’s practically pulling out the pom-poms and cheering you on to get away with your girlfriends for the weekend or go spend some time with that long, lost friend on the other side of the country.
8. He surprises you with random gifts
A “just because” spa gift card or new purse—completely unrelated to a birthday, anniversary, or work promotion—could be a clue that your partner is feeling guilty about something and trying to compensate. Even though he’s never been much of a romantic before, he suddenly surprises you with a dozen red roses or a sparkly new ring. He showers you with gifts but he won’t be able to explain why he’s doing it.
9. He starts missing you more
If they want to know where you’re going, how long you’ll be gone, when you’re coming back, etc. it could be a cheating sign. What they may actually be doing is checking your whereabouts to make sure you are not somewhere that you can catch them,.
10. He is more thoughtful about cell phone use
A not so well known cheater’s move is to set his cell phone to airplane mode, which turns off Wi-Fi and cellular connection. That means no incoming calls or text messages. By setting his cell phone to airplane mode, he is making sure that no phone calls or text messages show up on his screen while your eyes are on his phone. Ask yourself the question, why would someone have their phone on silent 100% of the time unless they were in a meeting, the movies, or could it be they had something to hide?
Unfortunately, anyone is capable of cheating. There’s really no one way to know for sure whether or not your partner is cheating unless you actually catch them doing it. Everyone should be able to trust their partner. But if you suspect that something is up, be sure to watch out for those obvious and less than obvious signs that your partner may be unfaithful, and speak to them about it.
Julia and Deanna are the perfect team! Julia instinctively knew who to introduce me to after the first time I met with her. Deanna chose the restaurant (which was perfect!) and provided fashion advice to the now love of my life. I can’t thank them enough for their passion and persistence. We just celebrated the 2 most amazing years of our lives and can’t wait for many more!!!
Everything with Amy is going fantastic. Safe to say that we’re in an exclusive, committed, fun girlfriend / boyfriend relationship. She’s met & has been interacting with my son and I’ve been meeting some of her close family members. Things are progressing nicely & easily. Amy’s amazing & I’m very grateful to you for introducing us.
I went into my meeting with you with neutral expectations and I enjoyed our informative, productive, open and pleasant discussion. I remain fascinated with Heather and discover something new every time we are together.
I am convinced that you apply both your experience and intuitive attributes toward a sincere consideration for the best interests of each of your clients. -R.F. 1/12/2018
Long before donning a scary costume became a thing, believe it or not, matchmaking played a part in many traditional Halloween rituals in the 1700’s and 1800’s. In particular, many had to do with helping young women identify their future husbands and reassuring them that they would someday—with luck, by next Halloween—be married. In 18th-century Ireland, a matchmaking cook might bury a ring in her mashed potatoes on Halloween night, hoping to bring true love to the diner who found it.
In Scotland, fortune-tellers recommended that an eligible young woman name a hazelnut for each of her suitors and then toss the nuts into the fireplace. The nut that burned to ashes rather than popping or exploding, the story went, represented the girl’s future husband. (In some versions of this legend, the opposite was true: The nut that burned away symbolized a love that would not last.)
Another tale had it that if a young woman ate a sugary concoction made out of walnuts, hazelnuts and nutmeg before bed on Halloween night she would dream about her future husband.
Young women tossed apple-peels over their shoulders, hoping that the peels would fall on the floor in the shape of their future husbands’ initials; tried to learn about their futures by peering at egg yolks floating in a bowl of water; and stood in front of mirrors in darkened rooms, holding candles and looking over their shoulders for their husbands’ faces.
Other rituals were more competitive. At some Halloween parties, the first guest to find a burr on a chestnut-hunt would be the first to marry; at others, the first successful apple-bobber would be the first down the aisle.
Flash forward to 2018, hopefully you have already found love and now need the perfect couples costume to show the world how happy you two are. But finding a costume for couples that both people will like is a major challenge. In fact, perhaps the biggest fight couples have on Halloween is whether or not they’ll be wearing a costume designed for two. We all know the typical ones: Fred and Wilma, Sandy and Danny from Grease, some superhero and their significant other, salt and pepper shakers; pretty much any other two things that “go together.” But if one member of the couple is dreading having to spend the night donning matching outfits, you might have a problem.
If you haven’t found the perfect costumes yet, here are some fun ideas that require no masks, no crazy makeup, and no sheets! I hope you get all treats and no tricks this Halloween… BOO!!!
Britney and Justin
Ken and Barbie
Mary Poppins and Burt
Bonnie and Clyde
Mermaid and Sailor
Pizza Delivery Couple
Morticia and Gomez Adams
Now you need some Halloween date ideas! Click here for 15 original ways to celebrate Halloween!
As an Austin Professional Matchmaker, I am constantly searching for unique date ideas that go well with the relaxed and quirky vibe Austin is known for. These unique date ideas will create romance and help you get to know someone in another light besides just candlelight! Doing an activity on a date is a great way to ease the pressure, and it lets someone see a cool, fun side of you that may not come across in a stuffy restaurant.
Plus, if you’ve been together for a while, trying new unique date ideas could reignite those flames. According to numerous scientific studies, novel experiences can flood the brain with dopamine and norepinephrine, the same chemicals that are released when you first fall in love.
A lot of my recommended date ideas in Austin are based around physical activities. People here don’t let 100 degree summer days stop them from taking a run or going on a long bike ride. In fact, besides being the musical capital of the world, Austin is known for being a super fit city. Its not quite LA, but there’s a juice bar on every corner and every third person you meet is a yoga, Barre, or Soul Cycle instructor. As further evidence of Austinites commitment to physical fitness, Austin is constantly ranked as one of the most bike friendly cities. In addition Austin boasts a massive parks system, which spans more than 29,000 acres. With a never-ending list of things to do, a booming job market, and some of the friendliest people in the country, it’s no surprise that 100 people move to Austin every day.
Ideas range from golf to zip lining to axe throwing (I bet you didn’t know that was a thing now!) Now get going and make some plans that are more than just making reservations!