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Try to stop yourself thinking about them – and remember that jealousy works both ways

Every time you think of your ex with their new partner, visualise the word “stop” or imagine a red traffic light. Go back to thinking about your own life and how you can make it better.

The idea that your ex is having a wonderful life is a story you are telling yourself. It is a type of self-harm story, but it is not one you are reading, it is one you are writing. You are its author

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How are we to make sense of the swiftly changing world of falling in love? Five experts offer their perspective

Mariella Frostrup, Observer Magazine columnist

It’s in love’s aftermath that you witness the immense fragility of human beings

Love is a basic mating drive that evolved millions of years ago

Love is hard work. As much as I loved my husband, there were days when I wanted to bury him in the backyard

I see my job as a mediator and in many ways a counsellor

‘I’ve learned that love is more about caring and kindness than romance and passion

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Eleven parliamentarians and experts in children’s welfare sign a letter calling on the government to expand the limited provision for young people exposed to parental conflict

This week is Children’s Mental Health Week. We welcome the recent publication of the green paper Transforming Children and Young People’s Mental Health Provision and its acknowledgment of the impact of inter-parental relationships on children’s and young people’s mental health.

However, we are concerned that having recognised the ubiquitous nature of this issue – with one in 10 of the 11 million children under 16 in the UK being exposed to potentially damaging levels of conflict between parental couples – the green paper proposes addressing the issue solely in workless households, through the Department for Work and Pensions.

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Pair accused of losing touch with reality after spending third of £6.6m wealth on case so far

A divorce battle between a couple who have spent almost £2m on lawyers’ fees while fighting over assets worth £6.6m at most, has been described as a “scandalous waste of court time” by a judge.

Barbara Cooke, 58, and Michael Parker, 55, an estranged couple who run a firm that supplies luxury bathrobes and towels to upmarket hotels and spas, had “completely lost touch with reality”, said Mr Justice Holman.

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Farkhad Akhmedova yet to pay ‘a penny’ in appeal against settlement, high court hears

A Russian billionaire who was ordered to pay £453m to his former wife in what is believed to be Britain’s biggest divorce case was named at the high court on Wednesday as Farkhad Akhmedov.

However, the court in London heard his ex-wife Tatiana Akhmedova had not received “a penny from him”.

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Couples in England and Wales seeking ‘quickie divorce’ could cut processing time by a third

Couples seeking “quickie divorces” can make the process even speedier as a result of a new online service launched by the Co-op.

The fixed-fee digital service from Co-op Legal Services enables people to start uncontested divorces online from home, supported by phone-based advice from experienced solicitors.

Related: Co-op launches £160m expansion plan for 2018

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I’m in a dilemma as to whether to go for the house, which I would rent out and then use the income to buy another property

Q I am hopefully divorcing in the new year and am in a dilemma as to what to have in the divorce settlement. We own our house, have no mortgage or other debts, and have savings and pensions and two grown-up children who don’t live at home.

My dilemma is, do I go for the house which I would want to rent out and then use the income to buy another property? Can this be done? I earn a very low income so I’m looking to try and earn money from the house. Or do I go for half the value of the house, all savings and husband’s pension and hopefully with the proceeds buy a house to live in and a house to rent? What is the best option? LL

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As early as 2001, American researchers warned that too often in divorce situations, all children resisting contact were being labelled ‘alienated’ and their parents as abusive, writes Jane Fortin

The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service’s new guidance on “parental alienation” (Parents at war could risk losing children, 18 November) is worrying. Cafcass justifies its “groundbreaking” approach by a significant rise in alienation cases, with 11%-15% of children of divorcing parents being turned against their non-resident parents – a process that can profoundly damage the child.

Parental alienation is undeniably damaging, especially in its more extreme form. Nevertheless, as early as 2001, American researchers were warning that too often in divorce situations, all children resisting contact were being labelled “alienated” and their parents as abusive and “alienating parents”. More recent research (Fortin, Hunt and Scanlon, 2012: Taking a longer view of contact: The perspectives of young adults who experienced parental separation in their youth) suggests that it is a mistake to assume that a child’s reluctance to have contact with the non-resident parent is simply due to brainwashing by the resident parent. Our evidence suggests that even relatively young children may have very clear reasons of their own for resistance to contact.

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I refuse to be the stereotypical bitter single mum. Her age makes it easier. She has middle-aged spread and a lived-in face and he will probably end up caring for her in a few years

Perhaps I should find it harder knowing that my husband would prefer to be with a woman more than 10 years older than me. A woman who is not far off her 60th birthday. A woman still reaching for the henna hair dye despite her advancing years.

She is old enough to be my daughters’ grandmother, never mind potential stepmother. How insulting, right? And what an outrage! I’m younger, a toned size 10 and I look after my appearance. The humiliation should be devastating.

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Couples who live apart together appear to be on the increase. We did it for two years and it didn’t achieve its objective, but it was a worthwhile experiment

Louise and Jamie Redknapp are the latest recruits to what appears to be a small but growing army on the field of family relationships. They have elected to become LATs – couples who live apart together. Other famous LATs include Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton (before they separated for good), Woody Allen and Mia Farrow (before they separated for good) and Michael Holroyd and Margaret Drabble (before they moved back in together).

These parenthetic caveats may say something about the arrangement. Because appealing in theory though it is – and nearly 10% of couples in the UK are LATs – it is often as much a last-ditch attempt to keep a relationship together as a positive and joyful decision. It is also very expensive – to keep two houses going, especially when you have children, is not something most can afford.

Related: ‘We have never lived together. Is that so strange?’: the married couples who live apart

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