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If I could give life advice to my teenage self what would it be?
You are going to find your place in this world, beautiful girl. If only you could see yourself now. You are going to write words that move people, words that find their way into people's hearts and never leave again. Your weaknesses will become your greatest strengths: your kindness and compassion, your quiet introverted nature, and your sensitivity and the way you feel every damn thing a little too much. These will be your strengths. You don't realise it, but everything you'll ever need is already within you.
You're going to realise that it doesn't really matter what people say or think of you in high school. You're going to love your way into so many different friendship circles, you're going to meet a man who thinks you're beautiful, and you're going to have the chance to reinvent yourself a hundred times over. You're going to get out of this small town that is suffocating you, and you're going to move to new cities, and continents, too. Who you are now is not who you'll always be. She is still up to you.
You have always struggled with finding your voice and speaking your mind, and it's kinda funny that this is how you make your living today. You write things that other girls & women can relate to. You see, all of your pain, sadness, and not-good-enough feelings aren't felt by you alone - they're felt by millions. And you will be a guiding light for all of the missing ones who are desperate to find their way back home.
People will hurt you. They will call you names and try to push you down. They will be cruel and cold. And some days it might feel like you can't carry on living such a miserable life like this one. But please, promise me, whatever you do - do not give up. Do not let them win. Don't allow how you feel right now to stop you from doing all of the incredible things you were created to do. Do not allow others to dim your light. Do not let this be your story, when it was only meant to be a short, testing chapter in an otherwise magical, kick-ass book.
One day you're gonna wake up and realise that none of that shit mattered. None of those people mattered. You see, how your story plays out will always be up to you. If you don't like the way it's heading, you get to change it. You get to kill off disposable characters and welcome in loveable new ones. You get to choose when one chapter will end, and a new one begins. You are in control of your happily ever after.
Beautiful girl, I can't wait for you to see act 2 (FYI - it's more incredible than you dreamed of and you're totally going to pinch yourself every damn day as you wake up to the realisation that you are living out your dreams!!!)
All my love, Your biggest cheerleader xxx
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I don’t know any woman who hasn’t gone to bed wishing she could wake up as somebody else. Prettier, fairer, curvier, thinner, or smarter. Not too smart though. Just enough to get a seat at the table, but not so much so they don’t want you there showing them up.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t felt like she doesn’t belong. In her skin, in her family, or in her hometown. And I don’t know any woman who hasn’t molded, misshaped, or edited herself to blend in.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t been at war with her body at some point or another. Loathing her figure, bathing in anxiety for days about wearing that bikini, or comparing the size of her waist to runway models. Counting calories, bingeing in secret then vomiting the evidence, or running non stop on a treadmill until she passes out.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t shrunk herself down in order to please others. No woman who hasn’t softened her voice hunched her shoulders, or dumbed herself down to ensure she doesn’t shine too brightly.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t had to say, me too. No woman who doesn’t cross the road to avoid that construction site, or pray she’s safe while in the back seat of a cab, or avoid walking alone when it’s dark out. And I don’t know any woman who hasn’t, at some point, believed it was her fault that she had to say those words, me too.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t felt like her worth is determined by the reflection staring back at her in the mirror. That her life is easier or tougher simply because of the genetic makeup she was dealt in the lottery. I don’t know any woman who hasn’t wondered whether that guy is truly interested in her, or merely her cup size. And I don’t know any woman who has woken up everysingle day, at peace with the woman who greets her in that mirror.
I don’t know a single woman who is lucky enough to wake up every damn day feeling worthy, beautiful, or loved. All I know are women who struggle in a world trying to tell them what perfection is, and what it most certainly isn’t. And women who then spend their whole damn lives trying to reach perfect, but always falling short.
I don’t know a woman who hasn’t been oppressed, violated, or made to feel lesser than her male equivalents, simply for being born a woman. From the pay gap to being told to not show too much skin or we’ll be asking for it, to being taxed simply for bleeding each month. And I don’t know any woman who hasn’t believed this was her burden to own and to carry.
I don’t know any woman who hasn’t wrestled back and forth with feeling too sexy, or not sexy enough. Rolling her skirt up, or desperately tugging it down. And I don’t know any woman who hasn’t believed that her sexiness exists solely for the pleasure of men.
And I don’t know any woman who hasn’t lowered herself to the mindless gossiping bitching or backstabbing that is rife amongst us as a gender. You see, they were already pointing the finger at us, tearing us apart from the seams. So much so, we women declared war on each other because we were looking for an easy target to blame.
This is her story. This is my story. This is every woman’s story.
But I also don’t know any woman who hasn’t overcome all of her has nots.
All I see are incredible women who have risen over and over again, in spite of the force always trying to draw them back down.
All I know are women who are tired of allowing others to tell them who they are supposed to be, what their body is supposed to weigh, and when they should quieten their voice. These women have broken out of the chains that were binding them.
All I know are women who have soaked up all of their pain, setbacks, and challenges; and allowed those to grow them into stronger, more powerful women in the process. And each time, they invite, encourage, and empower another woman to do the same.
All I know are women who have in time woken up to the realisation that this is their world just as much as it is anybody else’s. Just try and stop them from belonging.
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“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” 
— Mahatma Gandhi
You might've heard that old saying, what you focus on and think about expands.
Well, it might be kinda dusty now, but those words couldn't be any closer to the truth.
You see, the world works in mysterious ways.
Whatever consumes our minds and our hearts is what the world believes to be most important to us.
And, not wanting to disappoint us, without fail you can guarantee the world will throw more of that your way.
So if you focus on negative thoughts and worries, or you do nothing but gossip and moan all day, you will keep your mind consumed by that negative energy.
If your mind is constantly occupied with obstacles, problems, worries, and fears - this will have an impact on everything you think about, everything you say, everything you do, everything you value, and ultimately, your destiny.
Because negative energy is a magnet for even more negative energy.
If you think you can't do something, you're not smart enough, you're not pretty enough, or you're not worthy enough - you won't be.
This is why your mindset is key to being successful, achieving anything you want in life, and transforming your dreams into a reality.
If you wholeheartedly believe in yourself, and believe you can do something - nothing in this world will be able to stop you.
The truth is, the only thing that ever holds any of us back from living the life we dream of, is ourselves.
Women lack confidence in themselves
To date, I have connected with thousands of women through coaching, social media, the , my , my blog, and my own personal friendships, and there is one thing that has stood out to me time and time again: a lack of confidence, self-belief, and self-love.
And I used to be one of those women too.
It's not that they don't know how to do something, or lack the skills to create their dream life - it's more that they lack the mindset to believe they can do it.
And most of us have no idea that it's our mindset that is holding us back. So we don't try and change it.
And on the occasions when we do recognise it's our mindset that is the problem, we have no idea how to begin changing it.
Even if you don't realise your mindset is throwing you off-course, your unconscious thoughts can have such a deep rooted impact on you and hold you back from becoming the biggest and boldest version of yourself.
It doesn't matter what else you try and master in your life - if you don't have the right mindset, you won't be able to achieve the success you desire, even if all the other components are in place.
Think of it like building a house - you have to start with the foundations because these are what ground and support all of the layers that are added on top. Without the foundation, it will only be a matter of time before the entire house becomes badly damaged, or even collapses in on itself.
For some reason, this lack of confidence doesn't seem to present itself in men half as much as it does in women. And this is why I've made it my mission to show women that they have the power to master confidence, self-belief, and self-love, and become the women they always dreamed of being when they were younger.
Because let's get real here: no woman is born un-confident. No woman is born not liking herself. No woman is born with a lack of belief in who she is and what she can accomplish.
All of that shit is learned. It's learned from the poor company we keep, what our families, friends, and frenemies tell us, and what the media tries to convince us of so that we buy crap we don't need.
Once upon a time you were on track to creating your dream life, and your mindset was exactly where it needed to be. And I want you to know it's totally possible for you to find your way back to that confident, fierce, and fabulous woman.
It's time you became your biggest cheerleader again!
What does mindset actually mean?
For me, mindset cannot be described by just one thing. It's a combination of several values, attitudes and practices that harmonise together and all support one another.
Here's what mindset means to me:
Believing you will be successful no matter whatResilience to overcome any challenges or obstacles that come your wayMaintaining a positive mental attitude at all timesHaving the confidence to chase your dreamsKnowing you are worthy of all that you desire
And it's these beliefs and practices that are the foundation to helping you create your dream life.
How do I know?
Because they created mine!
Over the past year I quit my job, became a bestselling author, started my own business, and have helped hundreds of women worldwide to master self-love and confidence, so that they can create a beautiful life for themselves.
But things weren't always this rosy - trust me!
Before I tell you how to transform your mindset, we need to get clear on what your current mindset is like.
What is your mindset like today?
I need you to get really honest right now, and reflect back in on yourself.
How many times do you speak negatively to yourself?
How many times do you say negative or hurtful things about (or to) other people?
How many times have you wanted something in your life, but convinced yourself it's impossible so there's no point even trying?
How many times have you allowed a setback or failure to be the reason you gave up on something?
How many times do you allow the toxic words, habits, and actions of other people around you influence you?
If any of these resonate with you, and you find your head nodding along, then your mindset is most probably holding you back in your life right now.
And the thing about a broken mindset is that is has an effect on every part of your life: your career, your friendships, your love life, and perhaps most importantly your relationship with yourself.
The good news is, once you can pinpoint where you're going wrong, you will finally be able to put things right.
The difference between a limited mindset and a growth mindset
Did you know that there are different types of mindsets?
Don't worry if you're confused because I didn't either until a few years ago!
It's not complicated, so stick with me ladies!
You can either have a limited mindset, or a growth mindset.
I'll show you the difference.
Someone with a limited mindset will find themselves thinking:
I’m either good at something or I’m notIf something becomes difficult, I’m just going to give up and walk away.I don’t like to be out of my comfort zoneIf I fail, that means that I’m worthlessIf someone else succeeds, then I feel threatened.
Where as someone with a growth mindset is:
More focused on their effort and attitude rather than resultsOpen to making mistakes and learning from themWill push themselves outside of their comfort zoneWon't allow failure to hold them back
So do you think you currently have a limited mindset or a growth mindset?
Do you find yourself witnessing other women's success, and thinking 'I can't have that'?
Have you tried to learn to love yourself in the past, struggled, and given up?
Have you started pursuing your biggest dream, only to fail and convince yourself you're not worthy of your dreams?
If any of this sounds familiar, I promise you're not alone. I used to struggle with similar self sabotaging acts like these ones, and every single one of them could be traced back to my limited mindset.
My lack of self-love meant that I continued to attract and date a-holes.
My lack of confidence meant that I surrounded myself with negative 'friends' who were doing nothing but drag me down, but I desperately wanted to fit in and didn't know any better, so I stuck around.
My lack of belief kept me trapped in a shitty job I hated for years, because I didn't believe I would be able to quit and run my own successful business (but I totally did it!)
It wasn't that I wasn't good enough - OF COURSE I WAS!! - it was that I didn't believe I was good enough for the life I dreamed of living.
So the BIG question is - how do you convince yourself to believe you can do something, when you don't think you can do it?!
TRUTH: Transformation is possible for us all
It is.
If I can turn my life around and master my entire mindset in the space of a year - so can you.
And I'm not saying there won't be bad days or hiccups along the way. Of course there will be. But it's up to you to stay strong, pick yourself back up, and carry on forward no matter what life throws at you.
There are so many helpful tips and tricks that have helped me to transform my thoughts into incredibly positive ones that support me and all my goals and dreams.
And I know these will help you too - just have a little faith ladies!
Here are some of the best ways you can begin to master your mindset starting from TODAY:
1. Read books
We are so incredibly fortunate to live in a world where everything we want to know is at our fingertips (hello Google!).
Books (or podcasts, videos, and free masterclasses) are an inexpensive way to learn from some of the greatest minds, and continue our development and growth way after we leave school (and let's face it, what did we ever learn in school that was worth remembering anyway?!)
No matter how busy I am, I always carve out some time to read each night before I go to bed, and set myself a goal of reading one new book every two weeks (unless it's a mammoth one!), and my Amazon basket is overflowing with books on my to-read list.
One book in particular that has helped me significantly with my poor money mindset recently is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker.
For any of you ladies who struggle with abundance and manifesting wealth in your lives, I highly recommend this book!
He explains that your income can only ever grow to the extent that you do - which of course comes circling back to your mindset being key to achieving success (whether it's financial success or any other kind).
To change your 'outer' world, you've gotta first focus on changing your 'inner' world.
2. Find a mentor
A mentor or a coach is like a best friend only a million times better!
They care about whatever it is they're trying to help you with, but they also deeply care about your personal life too.
And they won't ever sugar-coat anything - you can count on the truth instead of what you might want to hear.
Look around for someone you aspire to be like, or someone in a position you dream of being in, to mentor or coach you along your journey.
That person has already achieved what you're trying to achieve, which means they will be able to get you where you want to go in a much shorter space of time, with way less of a struggle.
When I enlisted the help of a coach, I was able to let go of all the fears that were holding me back from my dreams, and create a totally new life for myself in less than a year.
I amazed myself with how quickly I was able to get there - but I know it would've taken waaaaaaay longer if I had allowed myself to try and figure it all out myself (I didn't have a CLUE!)
And I've now coached hundreds of women who have struggled with confidence, a lack of self-love and self-belief, and helped them empower themselves simply by mastering their mindset first.
But I don't think any of this would've been possible if I hadn't enlisted help from someone who got me and my story, and genuinely wanted to help me turn things around.
3. Think powerful thoughts
Stop shit talking to yourself, okay?
I mean it.
The conversations you have in your mind are the most important conversations you will EVER have.
You are talking to yourself hundreds of times every single day.
But what are you saying?
Are you criticising yourself or dwelling in fears, worries, or doubts?
Or are you planting beautiful seeds of positivity and inspiration?
Because it matters - I can't stress that enough.
And you might not realise it, but YOU have the power to banish any negative thought that creeps into your mind, and isn't supporting you. Tell it to get lost. Or imagine yourself throwing it in the trash.
You also possess the power to install brand new empowering thoughts at any time, simply by choosing to right now - how awesome is that?
The thing about being angry, sad, frustrated or stressed is that none of those feelings help us in any way. They don't eliminate your problems. And they don't make you feel better - they make you feel a whole lot worse!
So flip your negatives into positives.
Look for the silver lining and you'll find it :)
4. Visualise your success
One of the best (and most enjoyable) things I ever did was create a vision board for myself at the beginning of 2016.
I filled it with images and quotes Athat lit me up, images that represented where I wanted to go, and the woman I dreamed of becoming.
And I hung it over my desk where I stared at it every single day that year.
And I watch myself make all of those things come true.
I also have affirmations that I've created for myself, which I repeat and visualise each morning.
Now, I'm not saying that you can simply visualise things, sit on your bum, and manifest your dream life. That's not how this stuff works!
But the act of picturing yourself achieving your goals helps to make you feel more positive, increase your confidence over time, and helps you feel happier too.
When you image yourself WINNING, you're telling yourself that you have the power to win.
And you totally do!
5. Take responsibility for your life
NEWSFLASH: Nobody is on their way to save you.
That's 100% on you.
This is YOUR life, so start taking responsibility for it, okay?
You can choose to allow what happens to you in this life to chew you up and spit you out (or swallow you in one big gulp), OR you can bounce back, stand up, and start creating the life you dream of living.
The choice is entirely yours.
So what will you choose today?
Life won't always be fair, and it won't always be kind. You might find your world falling apart at the seams, and you have no idea how things are ever going to fix themselves, but in these moments it's so important that you stay hopeful. Keep positive. Look for the good.
Stop looking backwards and focus on moving forward a tiny bit more each day.
And remember, there's always someone in this world who is worse off than you are (the fact that you're reading this right now on your laptop or phone seals this statement as true).
BE the woman you want to be
Wanna know what the secret is to being happier, more successful, and loved?
DOING all of those things right now.
Inviting more light, more laughter, more love, and more joy into your life TODAY.
Act like you already are the woman you dream of becoming - think, feel, and act like she would.
Don't wait until you are her - do it NOW!
THIS is the secret to having all that you dream of.
By being the person you want to become, you'll soon realise that you have all of the same mannerisms, traits, habits, and thoughts that you were looking for.
For the women who want to empower themselves...
Deep down I know you deserve a beautiful life you’re crazy in love with.
You deserve everything you dream of and more - and you know it too!
That's why I've created a FREE masterclass to show you how to master your mindset for good, empower yourself, and live a life you LOVE!
There will also be a very special gift for all attendees - so click here to grab your spot now before they're gone!
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Tough love was the beginning of the end of us.
She silently swooped in on a rainy day in June, when I found out you’d cheated. And it wasn’t the first time either.
She put a blinding mirror to my face, and forced me to begin to find the self-respect I’d long since thrown away. I couldn’t remember what it looked or felt like, but I was now on a soul mission to revive it from its burial.
Tough love saved my life.
Tough love was the relentless, air gasping grip on my throat, as I stood up in front of you and somehow managed to speak my truth for the very first time, instead of what you wanted to hear. And as I watched your expression turn to darkness, tough love silenced my tongue from tripping over itself, rushing to take all of it back.
Tough love made me recognise all of the hurt, lies, and heartache for what they were: self-inflicted. I was the only one in control of who I let in, and who I shut the door firmly on. And so I took back control. You don’t get to walk in here anymore.
Tough love saved my life.
She gave me the strength to let your endless calls ring out. The strength to then pick up my phone and not call you back. Instead, I hit delete. And the next time, and the time after that, too. The sorrys that used to make everything okay again are falling on deaf ears this time. Nothing about me and you was okay. It’s not okay.
Tough love wasn’t kind to me. She poured gasoline on me, on you, on everything I thought I loved, and lit us all up into raging, scorching flames. But from the pile of black, lifeless ash, I rose again. This was my rebirth. My chance to start all over again.
Tough love saved my life.
She came like a thief in the night, robbing me of compassion, pity, and all the love I ever had for you. I realised it was never really love anyway. It was infatuation and naivety, mixed with a whole lack of self-worth. But now the storm has passed; now I see clearly. I know my worth, and never again will I settle for less than I deserve. And you? You don’t make the cut – not even close.
Tough love changed something deep inside of me, transforming me from a victim into a survivor.
You didn’t ruin me. I fought back. I’m still here. I survived you. And I pray that tough love finds her way to any woman who finds herself under your spell, and calls her back home.
I pray you return home.
Tough love still lives here, somewhere inside of me. Dormant, but ready and waiting to strike again if ever I should need her. Like a guardian angel, tough love saved me from you. And she would gladly step up and do it all over again.
Tough love saved me from you.
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I hope you finally wake the fuck up and realise this is your life, you won’t get another, and you win the lottery over and over again every single day you sleepily open your eyes in the morning. Too many have exhaled their last breath much younger than you, were born as sunflowers instead, or are fiercely fighting just to make it through another day.
You are a human being, healthy and charged with this magic invisible fuel that for whatever reason, has decided to keep burning for you. I hope you see the miracle in that alone.
I hope you find the courage deep inside your soul to start living your life on your own terms, instead of how they’ve convinced you to be. Don’t settle for an easy existence, an okay life that all blends into one big blur. Don’t listen to them, don’t allow them to keep you down, trapped in the same life they find themselves blindly wading through. Unplug yourself from the matrix this year, question everything, and battle your way out of the cage to freedom.
I hope you devote yourself to that which you find meaning in, and distance yourself from all that makes your heart feel heavy and aged before your time. I hope you can look back on all of your yesterdays, proud of what you put out into this world, the way you made people feel, and the legacy you’re building to leave behind.
And I hope somewhere along that painful path of the unknown, you realise it was worth it.
It was worth losing people who didn’t truly care about you along the way. It was worth those moments filled with fear and anxiety of where to go next. And it was worth sacrificing happy hour cocktails, and buying a load of fancy shit that never made you happy anyway.
I hope you learn to raise the bar when it comes to everything. The company you keep, how honestly you love, and the respect you harbor for yourself. And I hope you learn the value in walking away from anything that threatens to tumble that bar back down.
Because something inside of you whispers you deserve better. Raise your expectations, and the world will meet you there.
I hope you find love in every pocket of your existence. In the family you often take for granted, in the friends who feel like family, and in the soul mates you’re destined to cross paths with. And I hope you find it daydreaming under those clear blue skies, walking barefoot next to the peaceful waves of the ocean, and in the illuminating stars of the dark night that guide you home. I hope you allow the love that surrounds you every day to fill every crevice of you up, overflowing into the souls you cross paths with.
I hope something, somewhere inside of you figures out that this whole life thing? It was meant on purpose. You’re here because you’re meant to be here. You matter. The world needs you in it. And I hope you carry that with you in your heart, allowing it comfort and reassure you during times when you need it most.
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How to create kick-ass affirmationsFind your true passionMaster your mindsetSwap old bad habits for new onesCreate your dream daily routineHow to set and accomplish all your goalsFinally conquer your fearsHow to find your tribe of soul sistersCelebrating your wins like you mean itLots of pretty printouts+ plenty more surprises!
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In the past five years there has been a LOT of fluffy talk thrown back and forth about radical self-love.
But what is self-love?
We’re told it’s something we all need to master in order to live happy and fulfilling lives, but where do we begin?
Let’s start by digging deep into what self-love actually means:
“Self-love refers to the act of valuing one’s own happiness and well-being. Self-love is a kind of acceptance that can be described as an unconditional sense of support and caring and a core of compassion for the self. It might also be considered a willingness to meet personal needs, allow non-judgmental thinking, and view the self as essentially worthy, good, valuable, and deserving of happiness.
So, in other words, to love yourself means to prioritise and be good to yourself.
As women, we’re great at putting everyone else’s needs before our own.
Am I right?
Mmhmm I can hear you silently nodding through the screen.
I think this is something that is subconsciously learned by us as we watch our mothers caring for everyone as we grow up and often neglecting themselves.
We make sure everyone around us has what they need before thinking about ourselves, which of course is not a bad thing and by no means am I saying that you should start being selfish.
However, the more we repeat this process, the less time we make for ourselves and our own needs.
Self-love also means to treat yourself with respect and to quit judging yourself for your mistakes and imperfections.
None of us are perfect, yet for some reason we hold ourselves to these impossibly high standards.
Women are notorious for this.
And when we inevitably fail to meet them (because they’re totally unrealistic) we punish ourselves and carry around that sense of failure within – sometimes for a lifetime.
Over time, we naturally start to feel under-valued, unhappy, worthless and mentally and/or physically exhausted.
We know something needs to change but we don’t know how to love ourselves because it’s such an alien concept to us.
Does that sound familiar?
If it does don’t worry – you’re certainly not alone.
And there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Stay with me!
Why is mastering self-love so important?
There’s an abundance of reasons why you simply cannot ignore the topic of self-love and hope it doesn’t affect you.
I promise it does.
Self-love is everything.
It’s the key to finding true love
Because how can you begin to enter into a relationship and try and love someone else when you don’t know how to love yourself?
The universe picks up on every single one of our thoughts and vibrations.
It knows how you feel about yourself and it listens to all the things you tell yourself every day.
Once you master self-love, your heart will be open and ready to give even more of that love to someone else.
It will show you that you hold the power to how you feel
Self-love will make you feel happy, inspired and worthy from within and regardless of what’s happening in your world and what other people might be saying or doing around you – that love will remain strong.
You’ll realise that no one’s actions can affect you unless you allow them to. And when you’re confident and comfortable with who you are, chances are you won’t.
The way you treat yourself sets the bar for others
If you show yourself kindness, love and respect, that is what you’ll silently demand from the people around you.
On the other hand, if you’re constantly saying negative things to yourself and always putting yourself down, you’ll be giving other people permission to do the same.
How can I practice self-love?
There are probably several habits and practices you need to quit doing before you can begin to truly love yourself.
Self-love isn’t really about making one BIG change in your life – it’s the culmination of lots of little changes that add up to a completely new and energised you.
You can take a look at many of the ways you can practice self-love in one of my previous posts here.
And remember - it won’t happen overnight.
There are no quick fixes here.
Self-love – like any skill – requires daily practice, patience and forgiveness.
You are going to have days where you feel TERRIBLE and nothing is going right and you want to SCREAM at yourself and the world.
And that’s okay. It’s normal to have bad days – we all do. Don’t dwell on them though.
All you can do is recognise that you are human, focus on lifting your spirits back up and helping yourself back to your happy place.
And if you need a little more help, you can check out this little book which was written to all of the girls who are still learning to love their beautiful souls.
Love & light,
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1. Don’t take things personally.
Your boss continually fails to say thank you while you bust your ass tirelessly every day to please her, your friend babbles about his first world problems without pausing for a moment to ask how you are, and to top it all off the barista puts dairy in your latte when you asked for soya.
It’s easy to get offended every second of every day if you allow yourself to take other people’s actions as personal stabs at your heart.
Much better to shake things off in the moment and remember that no one is out to get you – they’ve got way better things to do with their time.
2. Do everything with love.
It’s true what they say – how you do one thing is how you do everything.
So whether you’re cleaning your apartment, working on a huge project at work or you’re cooking yourself dinner – don’t half-ass it, give it all that you’ve got and soon enough you’ll apply this attitude to all that you do without even thinking about it.
And it feels so much better when you infuse as much passion and soul into your day as you can.
3. Believe in yourself.
You can have all the goals and dreams that you want but if you don’t believe in yourself it’s unlikely you’ll be able to achieve them.
Self-belief is about 70% of the battle and what’s probably standing in the way of you and what you want most.
Remember, if you don’t believe in yourself, who the hell else will?
4. Face up to your fears.
Nobody is fearless, not even those insane people who swallow knives for fun.
There will always be a fresh boat of fears ready to fill you up and hold you back from living your life to the full.
Question is, are you going to stand back and let that happen or are you going to step up and stare them down?
Chances are when you finally do muster the courage to confront your deepest fears, you’ll look back at them and realize your imagination was magnifying your worries, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it would be.
5. Demand integrity from yourself.
When you don’t stay true to yourself and what you believe in, you’re essentially telling yourself that what you think doesn’t matter and that other people’s opinions hold more weight than your own.
When you make a point of speaking your truth and fighting for what you believe to be right, the easier it’ll be to do it again, and you’ll finally feel at peace within your heart.
The truth will set you free.
6. Quit comparing yourself to others.
It doesn’t matter if someone has a better job than you, makes more money than you, or is having tonnes of fun traveling the world while you’re stuck in the same old town, because none of those people are you.
Stop looking around at what others are doing. You are on your own unique path here and where you are right now is exactly where you need to be. Your time will come.
7. Let go of what you can’t control.
There are so many things we continue to stress over in this life that are ultimately way out of our control, like other people’s actions and opinions of us and what our future holds.
Worrying about all of these things won’t help and it’s only cluttering up valuable space in your mind which could be devoted to so many better thoughts.
Let go of the uncontrollable.
8. Be grateful.
There is an abundance to be thankful for in our lives, if only we take a moment to stop, look around and notice it.
Before you go to bed each night, find at least three things to be grateful for that day and watch how even the day from hell starts to shine a little brighter.
9. Learn to see the glass as half-full.
When you think negatively you’re subconsciously attracting more negative energy into your life. And nobody wants that.
On the other hand, when you think positively you’ll naturally feel better about yourself and your current situation and you’ll be a magnet for more joy and happiness to bloom in your world.
10. Forgive yourself and others.
You won’t always make the right choices because you’re human, and all of us are riddled with imperfections. But when we make mistakes they teach us something valuable we needed to learn and ultimately they help us to grow.
So the next time you fuck up, learn your lesson but don’t cling on to your disappointment or shame. Forgive yourself and remember to offer others that same forgiveness because they’re human just like you.
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1. You are so much more than that number on the scales.
It’s just a number – that’s all. It doesn’t represent who you are or have any bearing on your worth. It might go up and it might go down, but that won’t have any bearing on who you are at your centre.
That number is totally irrelevant if you think about it.
2. People who throw insults like this will find anything to pick on.
If it wasn’t your weight, it would be the pimples on your face, how you dress weird, or what a total loser you are for being into comic books.
People who are low enough to throw the word fat at you as an insult simply want to find something wrong with you so they can feel better about their own pathetic existence.
3. We should all feel sorry for people who feel the need to tear others down.
Who would you rather be:
A) The ‘fat’ person B) Or some spineless loser who feels the need to pick on others, humiliate and shame them, in order to get their kicks?
4. The way you look right now is temporary.
You are 100% in control of your body – you might be a little heavier than you’d like but you can change that right now if you choose to.
If you’re unhappy with what you see when you look in the mirror, there’s nothing stopping you from deciding to do something (healthy) to fix it.
And if you’re happy, then just keep doing you.
5. Someday, we all have to give our looks back.
It’s sad how society places such importance and value on our physical appearances, because our looks are merely temporary.
When we get to the end of our time here we have to give back our bodies, and all that will be left is our spirit and our heart’s work.
6. Enjoying food is certainly not the worst thing in the world.
So you like to eat? Well guess what, so do I!! Food is AWESOME and I struggle just as much as the next person to exercise portion control or follow insane diets, because what is life without carbs?!!
There are bigger problems than being partial to doughnuts.
7. In case you didn’t know – being skinny will not miraculously solve all of your problems.
There might be a part of you that thinks if only you could lose that extra 10, 20, or 50 pounds, everything would fall into place and your life would be awesome.
Hate to break it to you but aside from looking marginally better in skinny jeans, you won’t feel all that different, because how you feel is 90% related to your thoughts and inner belief system.
8. Somewhere in this world, being ‘fat’ is desirable.
For some unknown reason, a lot of people in the Western world equate skinny with being beautiful and popular, but this is simply not the case.
There are many other countries and societies in which women who are thin are seen as poor and unhealthy, while curvier women are viewed as far more attractive and desirable.
I’m not saying one is right or wrong, but it’s something to think about the next time you’re made to feel conscious of your weight.
9. Nobody has the power to make you feel unworthy or inferior – unless you let them.
There will always be an endless amount of trolls and haters just waiting to pick you apart and dampen your spirit, but the truth is no one’s opinions or judgements of you count for shit.
Who cares what anybody has to say about you?
Fuck them, life is too short to waste it worrying about what other people are doing.
10. There are way worse things you could be than fat.
Inconsiderate, cruel, someone who thinks it’s okay to body shame others, rude, unkind, belittling, someone who tears other people down, obnoxious, vile, hateful, aggressive, someone who bases worth on physical appearances, jealous, spiteful, a compulsive liar, manipulating, violent, not careful of other people’s feelings, abusive, malicious, narcissistic, racist, sexist, homophobic, intolerant of all beliefs different to your own, ignorant, cold-hearted, someone who takes pleasure in other’s pain.
I don’t know about you, but call me fat all day long over any of these things.
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This is for the women who aren’t afraid.
The women who will get up in the middle of a restaurant and leave if they change their mind.
The women who recognize their power, and aren’t afraid to show it.
The women who will never shrink their own light to make others feel comfortable.
The women who have no trouble walking away from situations that do nothing but bring them down, and cause their heart to ache.
The women who will tell that man harassing them in the street to fuck off.
The women who wear their hearts on their sleeves, knowing that they might get burned.
The women who will leave any relationship that isn’t serving them, in spite of the pain.
The women who wake up every day and unapologetically chase down their dreams. Even when it seems like the current is strong against them.
The women who will reach out and speak to strangers like she’s known them all her life.
The women who seek out their gifts and shower the world with them, all in the hope of making a difference to someone, somewhere.
The women who aren’t afraid to go first. To speak first. To get up and dance first. To tell someone “I love you,” first.
The women who stand up tall, proud of who they are, comfortable in their own skin.
The women who find the courage to bare their beautiful colors for all the world to see. Even when others try to tear them down, or make them feel small.
The women who dress for themselves. The women who wear whatever the hell makes them happy, without seeking approval.
The women who face obstacles, adversity and oppression every day, but find the strength to rise above it and keep on pushing through.
The women who will always do what’s right, even when it’s hard.
The women who will stand up for themselves, and for you, at all costs. Because their hearts only have room for what’s right.
The women who are not fearless.
The women who are riddled with fears, but will never allow that fear to hold them back in any way.
This is for the women who choose not to be afraid.
This is for me.
And this is for you.
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I’m sorry you’ve been convinced that the body you live in today doesn’t quite measure up. That you now believe your breasts need to fill a certain cup size, that your thighs must not meet each other, and your frame needs to mimic that of the women you don’t know but scroll past on Instagram every day.
I’m sorry for all the times you get out of the shower, catch a glimpse of your naked self in the mirror, and look at the reflection starring back at you in disgust, before instantly diverting your eyes elsewhere.
And I’m sorry that you’ve been made to see those dimples etched on the back of your thighs, the stretch marks trailing your belly, and the imperfectness of your body as ugly.
I’m sorry that you’re now unable to enjoy food the way you did as a little girl. That your mind is constantly obsessing over every calorie consumed, counting every bite that you take in, and panicking about gaining the tiniest bit of weight.
Maybe food has now become a go-to comfort for you, a drug that helps you temporarily feel better and forget about how deeply unhappy you are within yourself. Or maybe it has become a source of control, and you’ve learned to ignore those hunger pains, which grow louder every day.
I’m sorry that you spend the majority of your day feeling un-desirable, un-worthy and struggling to fit in to this world.
I’m sorry for all of those times someone said something cruel to you about the way you look, and that you decided to believe them. And I’m sorry that you carry around all of those words in the back of your mind today as a constant reminder that the woman you are is not, and will never be, good enough.
I’m sorry that you don’t believe your body is deserving of love. That you think you have to settle for anyone who takes an interest in you, because who are you to think you can do any better than that?
I’m sorry you now allow people to mistreat you and cause you pain because you think it’s your fault. You think that if only you had a smaller waist, a slender figure or a flatter stomach then you’d be deserving of someone better – someone who truly loves you for all that you are, inside and out.
But it’s not your fault. It’s not your problem. It’s our problem.
It’s our problem that women die every day from starving themselves because they believe they need to be thinner.
It’s our problem that young girls are made to feel like they need to crash diet or get cosmetic surgery so they can look like the models and celebrities they see on social media.
It’s our problem that most women are unhappy with their bodies.
And it breaks my heart that chances are you are one of them.
Because it shouldn’t be this way.
We shouldn’t aspire to look like clones of one another. We shouldn’t be unhealthily obsessing over our figures, and mutilating our bodies in order to mentally go from an average 7, to a 9 out of 10. We shouldn’t be placing so much value on something that isn’t going to last and has no real bearing on who you really are.
So I ask you today to remove yourself from this competition that none of us women ever agreed to in the first place.
I ask you to love your body exactly as it is today, and remember all of the wonderful things it allows you to do.
And I ask you to make a promise to yourself to be more tolerant of those bodies you’ve been taught to recognize as ugly – especially if that body belongs to you.
Pop your details in the box below to get the 7 Day Self Love challenge for FREE today + weekly love letters from me.
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