Santa Barbara Matchmaking | Private Matchmaker & Dating Coach For Local Singles
Professional dating service founded by singles coach and celebrity matchmaker Lisa Darsonval offering private date coaching and local singles matchmaking. SB Matchmaking is a discreet upscale matchmaking company for attractive successful commitment-minded singles in Santa Barbara, Central & Southern California.
Spring is here and while it may be subtle in Santa Barbara, it’s all around us.
Trees are blossoming and jasmine is filling the night air with an intoxicating fragrance. It just feels fresh and filled with endless chances for new beginnings.
If you’re finding yourself in a dating rut or unable to get over an ex, now is the perfect opportunity to embrace this new season by clearing out the old and getting ready for the new.
I recently returned from a Matchmaking conference and learned the simple act of rearranging your furniture after a breakup will greatly increase the rate of how fast you get over your ex.
Think about it: if every evening you both enjoyed sitting on your couch watching your favorite TV show, it’s very likely now when you see your couch it will remind you of those evenings you both enjoyed watching your favorite TV show in that very place.
The simple act of moving your couch (or even better, replacing it altogether) will give you a whole new perspective, which just may be the shift you need to change your mindset.
Like the onset of spring in Santa Barbara, it’s subtle but it is a shift.
You can even take it one step further and add new pillows or repaint the walls, giving the room an entirely fresh new look. For very little money you’ve created a whole new space that’s ready for endless possibilities and new beginnings.
You can do the same with your wardrobe. Get rid of those outfits that remind you of times you wore them with your ex. Have fun shopping for new outfits that will make you feel great and excited to get out and wear them.
If your wardrobe is a bit “tired” or dated, this is the perfect time to freshen up your style. By already having a few new date outfits, you’ll be less likely to get stressed over what to wear and you’ll be more apt to accept or offer a date.
Make sure to have one outfit for a “beachy type” date, one for a casual drink or dinner date, and one for a dressier dinner or cocktail type date.
Woo hoo, you’ve just eliminated massive stress in your life. You’ll be out dating in no time.
Of course, you do have to make yourself available for those opportunities. Don’t just sit home in your newly arranged living room, hoping the man or woman of your dreams is going to ring your doorbell. Get out and make those opportunities a reality.
If you need help on your journey, please do reach out to me. I want to see YOU be the next thing blossoming in Santa Barbara.
On 4/20, I read a New York Times article “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Roll Me a Joint.” It got me thinking, have we gone from ‘Roll out the barrel’ to ‘Roll up the joint?’ As a Matchmaker who represents successful entrepreneurs with a median age of 48, I don’t think so. While most people are open to dating someone who occasionally enjoys marijuana, more frequent use is a “Deal-breaker”. I’ve only had one “420-friendly” client who wanted to be matched with someone who shared this connection, or at the very least, accepted this was part of his daily life. It was pretty challenging to match him! When I asked potential matches to explain why this was a deal breaker, the responses ranged from “it just makes me uncomfortable”, “I don’t like it so I don’t want to be with someone who needs to get high” or “that’s an addiction, I want to be with someone who has a healthy lifestyle”.
The top three deal breakers I hear are 1) cheaters/liars 2) addictions of any kind include drugs, alcohol and porn and 3) mean/judgmental/controlling personality.
On a biweekly basis, my team and I will give the Love Lowdown on various topics from different perspectives and demographics.
It can become unhealthy if the sole connection you have with someone is rooted in one single activity, especially one that includes using an illicit drug. However, people should understand that forming any relationship based on one common interest, whether it be the use of marijuana or simply biking together, can only propel a relationship so far until it collapses under the weight of that one shared interest.
With that being said, I enjoyed the nontraditional connection that Ms. Peckler chose to single out. There is nothing wrong with engaging in an activity that is going to help two people break down their barriers to forming a stronger emotional connection. In fact, capitalizing on marijuana use as an icebreaker can aid in removing the stigma that people have come to associate with it. The men and women using this service are not your typical pot heads, they are working men and women just trying to spark a connection. The goal is not to reenact “That 70s Show” and hot box in your parents basement, it is about removing roadblocks that you may have trouble facing in a more traditional dating arena. And hey, maybe this one connection will lead you to discover that you have more in common than just smoking a toke and passing a joint. There is no “one size fits all” approach to dating.
I personally think that marijuana can ease the nerves during a first date or make a first date a little less awkward, but I don’t think it is necessarily healthy to base your entire relationship off of the drug. Marijuana, in a relationship, should be something that you both have a mutual understanding for, and you should both be on the same page. I don’t think that it should consume you or be a lifestyle. Forming an entire relationship based on your love for a substance is a bit surface level. I say this because I wonder what would occur if you just took the marijuana away? Would the spark fizzle out? I also worry that associating your significant other with a drug or even a high would lead you to become emotionally unavailable whenever not using the drug. Or worse, what would happen if one of you were to cut back or leave the drug altogether? Like Ms. Peckler said, “moderation is key”. If you both enjoy it and have a healthy relationship with the drug, meaning that you don’t rely on it to connect with your partner, then by all means enjoy it and enjoy it with your partner! And in case anyone is wondering, my definition of a “healthy relationship with marijuana”, is similar to enjoying a glass of wine with your partner. It’s fun, you both let loose, and enjoy each other’s presence. If you’re both avid wine enthusiasts then you’re going to share that but it’s not going to be the backbone to your relationship.
In my personal experience, I haven’t seen much of a stigma surrounding marijuana; although this could be a result of my age range. I’ve known about relationships that had a smoker and a non-smoker, I’ve seen smoking be a turn-off and keep two people from ever dating, and I’ve seen the excessive use of marijuana tear apart some relationships.
The problem I see with this type of marijuana-centric dating service is that their inherent premise isn’t entirely accurate. Psychoactive substances don’t necessarily allow for a more genuine connection. That sort of thinking is akin to saying drunk people are more honest. What smoking and other substances allow for are faster connections through the use of a crutch. It can be challenging to warm up to someone over a period of time, people don’t want to feel too vulnerable and exposed in a situation where they can be outright rejected. Being high, and especially in a situation in which both parties are actively looking to make a connection, can make that connection come more easily; plus, you always have the fallback of “I only said/did that because I was high.” However, I think learning how to navigate these situations is important for a person’s development.
I think what is actually the saving grace for this type of service isn’t so much that it puts smokers together, but that it puts people together who really, really care about smoking in general, together. However, that has its own set of issues. Several of my friends have gone from smoking and growing their own marijuana, to only occasionally smoking or downright quitting. I think it’s something people generally use less and less overtime as they get serious about other hobbies, interests, or careers. Ultimately, I think you’re better off building a connection around something else.
We’d love to hear your thoughts, do you agree? Disagree? We’d also like to know what topics interest you and we’d be happy to give our team’s Love Lowdown. Tell us your thoughts and suggestions by commenting below or sending to email@example.com
Veronica went on one date and there appeared to be a strong mutual connection. Veronica was very excited (and rightfully so, he told her he really liked her). But instead of her sending a simple “thank you for a nice evening” text, she overly expressed how wonderful he was, how she saw a beautiful future for them and how she couldn’t wait for their next date. He responded with a text “I’m heading out of town, I’ll contact you when I get back”. Again she responded with another text, still offering WAY TOO MUCH excitement, this time she got crickets.
Veronica was distraught and wanted to send another LONG message, hoping he’d ask her out again. This is where I came into the picture.
I explained she was giving too much of herself to a man who gave very little to earn that gift. I also explained she was taking the lead and if he (or any man) was truly interested he would pursue her, not the reverse.
I did give Veronica the green light to reach out one last time with a simple text, “Hadn’t heard from you and I’m hoping you’re ok”. This gave him the green light to reach out to her. Well, she never heard anything back and realized he wasn’t worth getting upset over. Yes, it hurt her ego but he only invested one evening with her and afterwards didn’t even have the decency to respond to her text with something nice to say. Veronica now feels more in control of how she will text in the future and knows the right man will show he likes her before she gets carried away.
Congratulations go out to the new bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. Jake Gilmartin, married November 1, 2016.
December 7, 2015, Jake was referred to our own Matchmaker, Lisa Amador by another Matchmaker, Michelle Jacoby of DC Matchmaking. Often Matchmakers work together to find the right match for their clients.
Michelle gave Lisa a description of the woman Jake was looking for and said, “When Jake meets the right woman, he’ll be all in, and he’s going to treat her beautifully. He is a very affectionate and generous man.” Lisa already had the perfect woman in mind for Jake, Brooke Meek who lived in Santa Barbara.
At the time Jake was living in Washington, D.C. and San Antonio, Texas. Jake and Lisa had a Skype conversation and Lisa immediately liked Jake and knew she could match him; she felt certain Brooke was the right women for him and Jake trusted Lisa and hired her as his Matchmaker.
Lisa wrote Brooke, “Happy Holidays! I have a gift for you, a potential match (lol)”. Lisa then described Jake in her email and what he was looking for, someone exactly like her.
Brooke wrote back “I like what I read about Jake and would be interested in meeting with you to learn more. I have been dating a couple different men but I’m not committed to anyone and I’m really looking for the right fit. I would like to get married and have a family as well so I’m trying to be very careful in my dating process and not just settle in too quickly. I feel like I am very clear on what I am desiring in a partner and I’m ready for marriage.”
By late December all details were worked out and Brooke and Jake were excited to meet for their first date, January 6, 2016 at Bouchon Restaurant. Lisa couldn’t wait to receive both Brooke and Jake’s Date Surveys, which came back with the highest scores. Jake added, “we had a very good time and I look forward to seeing her again this evening!” Brooke had already texted Lisa “He is the most amazing man in so many ways”.
To a Matchmaker, this is exactly the moment that makes all the time, effort, interviewing and weeding out worth it. The moment two people connect so deeply and want to continue to get to know each other. To see if this may be the person they’ve been looking for. This was the case for Brooke and Jake who were inseparable from that moment on.
Jake and Brooke eating dinner with Matchmaker Lisa and Michael Amador and friends at Bella Vista Restaurant, Biltmore Hotel Santa Barbara.
Jake would continue to fly to Santa Barbara and Brooke went to visit Jake in his hometown. Brooke wrote Lisa, “We are heading to Austin today for the weekend and then I’ll head back to SB next week. He comes to SB next Friday. It’s so awesome that we can both work remotely, it makes having a long distance relationship easy. And we both like to travel, so it’s perfect. :)”
The two were also deeply passionate about skiing and took many ski vacations together and in February 2016 both decided the right thing for them was to live together and that Boulder, CO was the right place. (Update: Brooke and Jake moved back to Santa Barbara as a married couple early 2017 where Brooke is expanding her Real Estate business).
Often times Lisa becomes a special part of a couple’s relationship, which doesn’t end after she’s created a match. Lisa also gifts each couple a year of quarterly “Love Check-ins” to make sure they continue to build a loving and communicative relationship, ensuring their success as a happy couple.
Brooke replied to Lisa, “So far we feel blessed that we are able to communicate with each other and navigate through our relationship with ease and understanding. We both feel we have met our match and we are grateful that we think alike, can communicate easily and love each other with such ease! Jake is a joy in my life and such an incredible blessing. We are very much looking forward to our future and the life that we will create. Thank you for playing such a significant role in our lives and for introducing us. I’m a believer in that God works through all of us and I know He knew what He was doing when he connected Jake and I through you.”
It wasn’t long before the two got engaged and last week were married in a private ceremony. Lisa will celebrate Brooke and Jake’s marriage with family and friends in the spring of 2017, a day that every Matchmaker looks forward to.
“I am deeply honored that Jake trusted me enough to find him the woman of his dreams. Brooke and Jake, may you always find love, happiness and support in each other. I will always cherish your relationship and all future relationships I help create.” Lisa Amador
Summertime is one of the best times to date. The South Coast is alive with summertime dating activities ranging from hiking, biking, dancing, dining, sailing or just walking on the beach. How romantic!
Santa Barbara has many regular summer events that are both fun and great for taking a date.
Check out some of the boats in the harbor that offer July 4 cruises or just find a spot in the marina to watch the fireworks.
My special tip: grab a picnic from Isabella Gourmet to give your date the right amount of that something special.
If you’re the more challenging outdoorsy type, how about some paddle boarding around the Santa Barbara Harbor or even along Miramar Beach or Santa Claus Lane in Carp?
Does a guided kayaking tour around the Channel Islands sound good to you? A private tour for two can be arranged through Channel Island Outfitters located in Ventura. Tell them Lisa sent you.
For a more serene date, why not take an early evening walk along Shoreline Park on the Mesa or along the water break on the edge of the harbor?
Santa Barbara has many fine beaches, but here’s another tip: Wear old shoes or flip-flops because our shores still may have some tar balls on them. You don’t want your date to ruin a good pair of sandals.
If you go barefoot, baby oil easily removes tar — and it’s is good for a foot massage, too!
If the beach doesn’t beckon you but you want to enjoy the sun in a breezy place, try the East Beach Grill for breakfast or lunch.
Santa Barbara Matchmaking is a new member of the nonprofit 1% for the Planet and is launching a new program called “Purpose and Passion.”
1% for the Planet is a global organization, which leads a network of businesses, nonprofits and individuals working together for a healthy planet.
SB Matchmaking’s “Purpose and Passion” program is designed to create passion among like-minded individuals who want to support a clean and healthy environment. This was done by joining forces with four 1% for the Planet companies in Santa Barbara. SB Matchmaking has designed three unique dating experiences its clients can choose from:
Wet and Wild — This is a package for the adventurous. Do you like exploring new places right here in our backyard? Kayak the Channel Islands or rent a SUP from Channel Island Outfitters. Being active together is sure to be a great first date.
Fit and Fun — Do you like to move your body and start your day off right? Connect with your date by taking a yoga class at Power of Your Om Yoga Studio followed by a trip to Juice Ranch to get a yummy organic juice.
Picnic in Paradise — Are you a hopeless romantic? Experience a delicious picnic at our beautiful Botanic Gardens here in Santa Barbara, complete with an organic artisan picnic.
And as a 1% FTP member, SB Matchmaking enjoys letting new clients choose which 1% FTP nonprofit organization they’d like to support. The local organizations they can choose from include the Santa Barbara Food Bank, Save the Mermaids, SB Bike Coalition, Channel Islands Restoration, Santa Barbara Foundation LEAF initiative, Organic Soup Kitchen, The Land Trust for Santa Barbara County and Heal the Ocean.
SB Matchmaking is committed to supporting Central Coast businesses that have the common goal of making this planet a better place to live.
“Becoming a member of 1% For the Planet has allowed us to connect with other like-minded companies and bring individuals together who want to be a part of something bigger than themselves,” said SB Matchmaking founder Lisa Amador. “Now, if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!”
SB Matchmaking is a discreet upscale matchmaking and date coaching company for successful commitment-minded singles primarily in Central and Southern California.
“Our emphasis is on quality, not quantity and our approach is a personal one,” Amador said. “We form real relationships with our clients, taking the time to understand who they are on the deepest level. Nothing can replace the personal touch and we believe there is nothing more important than love.”