Fiancé (30/M) and I (28/F) have been together for 2 years, the wedding is in 5 months.
My entire life I’ve wanted to be a performer. I worked my ass off and somehow actually managed to make a career out of performing. I feel very proud of myself because I’ve had really incredible life experiences due to my profession (I even lived in another country for over a year working as a singer). I used to think this huge part of who I am was interesting and exciting. It gave me confidence.
My fiancé is a software engineer. I know, complete other end of the spectrum as well as being a much higher-paying job than my current-but-steady gig. Over the span of our relationship I’ve noticed an increasing lack of support for my job. Little comments here and there about the impracticality of remaining a performer in the future, never wanting to see my performances, awkwardly ignoring me if I sing around the house or in the car (like he’s waiting for me to just shut up). My entire life I’ve loved singing and have been praised for my ability but now I’m finding myself embarrassed when I absentmindedly sing along to a favorite song within earshot of my fiancé. I cringe at my own pride or for feeling “cool” for being a performer.
I’m beginning to realize that my future spouse will never be proud of me the way I used to be proud of myself. My confidence is waning, I feel embarrassed when I tell people what I do (especially his family who also seem to believe it’s not a respectable job). Performing has been such a major part of my life and I have put so much energy into actually making a career out of it that it feels like a piece of me. Him not being supportive of that part of me makes me worry that he doesn’t really love “the whole package” and is hoping for an a la carte version of me where he can pick and choose his favorite parts and cut the other parts out. I feel like I’m losing myself because I love him so much that i want him to be proud of me and I’m tormented by the feeling that I’m letting him down and that I should change professions.
When I talk to him he says he just doesn’t find it interesting and loves me for other reasons and just can’t see himself ever caring about my job or this part of me that is “performer.” Am I going to have to live in a constant state of embarrassment over my chosen profession? He’s turning something I loved more than anything in the world (up until I met him) into something I’m ashamed of. I’m becoming a different person and it’s making me really anxious and depressed.
I’m looking for advice on how to make these two things work in my life. I can’t imagine giving up my fiancé nor my job. How do I talk to him so he understands what I need? How can he give me what I need? If I continue down this path I’m going to lose him, my job, and myself.
TL;DR: I’m a performer, he’s a software engineer who makes more money than me. He’s ashamed of my profession and it’s destroyed my confidence and I’m losing who I am.
Throwaway account because my normal one is known by friends etc.
So, I (29F) have a problem. I can’t stop falling for my friends. I’ve done this for years, I get into deeply emotional, super fun and vvv platonic relationships that feel like dating without the hook-ups (that part really sucks). More often than not I end up chickening out and never say a thing, then they start dating someone and we both move on from our faux relationship. But the one I’m in right now is really throwing me for a loop, it feels more intense than all the others. I really think I’m in love with him, but I don’t know if i’m reading the situation right. I’d love your opinions.
So here it is. Me and my good friend (28M), are super close. tbh he’s probably my best friend at the moment. Personality/life-wise, we’re both pretty similar. We’re super lucky to have a lot of good friends, we have our closest group of friends in common, and I think people would describe both of us as fairly funny, charismatic, hard working people. Even though we’re both busy, we hang out one-on-one multiple days a week, and these hangouts feel really special, even if we’re not doing anything at all. We have such a good rapport. We go from joking around and being total weirdos to having an intellectual conversation to just lounging peacefully in each other’s company with ease. We do everything during these hangs. We grab food and drinks, talk about our days (the good, the bad, the hilarious), go on walks, laugh a ton, fake wrestle and sing and dance around my apartment to our favorite embarrassing songs. But more often than not we start or end the hangs with laying on my couch and watching tv.
There’s a lot of casual touch when we lounge. He’ll put his legs on top of mine, I’ll have my hand on him, and we often end up giving each other massages. He asks for them by rubbing up against me like a cat and jokingly saying, “stawwwwwp, ok, well if you insist” etc. The other day he fell asleep and started drooling with his head in my lap while I gave him a head massage. And often when we hang he just ends up sleeping over, usually on the couch or in the guest bedroom. We always share a bed when we're on trips though, and at my house he usually comes in and sleeps or lounges in my bed in the morning. Eventually we wake up and go on another adventure or to work or whatever the day calls for and it’s always so sweet and easy.
If he wasn’t so vocal about: a) his general lack of susbtantial feelings towards the women he dates (he is more interested in marriage for kids than love, and often says how he knows he’ll get remarried many times), b) his preference for thin, yoga-bodied blondes (I’m the total opposite of this, and honestly I think that if I wasn't a bigger girl, more of these friendships might have turned romantic), and c) the fact that he started casually dating someone a month or two ago, I would think maybe he liked me back. Our relationship has felt way flirtier recently, but maybe that's just wishful thinking. After looking at all the evidence, part of it makes it seems like how could he be into me, and the other parts are like how could he not be?
And even though he's dating someone, we still solo hang many days a week. He often says he doesn’t really have feelings for the girls he casually dates, that it’s just good practice for the future. I, on the other hand, have hooked up with all sorts of people, but have never really dated anyone, probably because i’m too head over heels for my friends. The couple of times he has brought this new girl around our friends though, it just breaks my heart. I want him to be happy, but damn, I wish it was with me. What do I do?
TLDR: I am in love with my best friend. I’m not his usual type, and he started casually dating someone recently, but we hangout alone many days a week, he sleeps over all the time (we don’t hook up but we do give each other a lot of massages), and we just work so well together. Help?
I did something I never thought I would do, and am so embarrassed. I went through my girlfriend's text messages. We were incredibly drunk and had taken some MDMA together for the first time. She passed out, but I was so wired by it and feeling all sorts or off-base. I was literally laying in bed for about 90 minutes feeling restless and decided I would just go through her phone to hope it would assuage my fears about her and this guy talking so much. I feel incredible guilt for the act, and I feel like I behaved a level of trust there that I can now never get back.
Anyways, she lives in another state and we're dating long distance. She had gotten really drunk one night (which isn't common for her to do) on a weeknight and was drunk messaging me. Well, it appears she also said to this fellow "I want to guzzle your dick" (this is her type of humor). She also said things like "why are you so nice to me?" And something to the effect of, "we're just friends right? You wouldn't want to date me if I wasn't in a relationship?" She also made an attempt to call him, which he didn't answer.
Well, so the next day she sends him a long apology and that she meant to send the guzzling dick comment to me. She was hoping it wouldn't ruin their friendship. He laughed it all off and even when she asked him the dating comment, he said "I want to find somebody that I can click with like I do with you, but we're just friends"
I think she may have asked that question because I have said to her a lot that I feel like he is interested in her and she always says, no he has never made any overt expression that he is into her and just really downplays it. I know she didn't mean the guzzling comment for me because right above it the same minute of a time stamp she asked him how his thai bbq was, and then after she said it, she said something like "I need to hide".
I guess my question is, what do I do with this?
I am in love with this girl. We have been dating 9 months and I was honestly hoping to marry her someday. We both have a lot we're working through, but that is the way I was approaching this relationship. I have gone through a hard divorce, and she has been what has been pulling me through it all. I know she loves me, she has shown that in spades, and has made strong overtures that she would also like to eventually marry me down the road. She is usually much more strong about this than I am.
Do I tell her what I saw? I do know that the night she did that was the most drunk she has ever been, because she was also texting me and could barely string words together, and we also talked for a bit. I have told her multiple times about how I feel like this guy likes her, and how their relationship makes me insecure, but that I was trying to overcome my insecurities and let her continue to be friends with her.
He lives in another state than her as do I, but is going to be in town next month and they were planning on getting together one night. I trust her, but I don't know how I get past this. I really wish I wouldn't have been so high and read that.
TL:DR - Read my girlfriend's text messages one night and saw that she had told a guy that she wanted to guzzle his dick
While a senior in high school, it became apparent that my Dad was having an affair on my biological Mother which completely destroyed her. After she succumb to addiction and depression, (incarceration) he promptly remarried and made his new family including my now stepmom (46F), her (28M) Son, and (18F) Daughter his own like nothing ever happened.
He keeps trying to invite me to his house even while I have previously voiced my discomfort in the presence of her home. Now, with my stepsister graduating high school, I've been invited to their celebration next week which I believe is going to double as "guess who's coming to the same school as you next year?"
I genuinely hope this does not sound selfish, but It's almost like I am reading from a script every time I am there as to not disrupt the harmony of their adulterous union and it's so forced that every time I am there I countdown the minutes until I can leave without being "short."
Even worse, is the fact that during my senior year when the affair became apparent, I struggled with a lot of the abrupt changes which quite frankly uprooted my life. Most upsetting, is that I was just a few hundred dollars away from attending college that semester (my graduation year) but was unable to due to financial strains (him supporting two households for several years) and had to throw myself into graveyard shifts just to stay afloat which wrecked my psyche.
Now however, I am completely independent, a rising senior and working an internship related to my career/major. I believe my stepsister is planning on attending the same college as me since we are nationally ranked for the program she interested in and have heard whispers of it before.
I am wondering if it is selfish for me to not want to deal with any them?
Dad keeps insisting I fully assimilate to his new family even while his affair, financial secrecy, and overall disregard for others completely uprooted our way of life.
I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months and everything has been really good apart from a few minor fights, we click, make each other laugh, work well together and she is just really kind and positive unlike my previous girlfriend.
However, I have serious trust issues stemming from previous relationships - something I made her aware of and something we discussed and she has been willing to help me work through in positive ways. My previous relationship was really awful towards the end and we would mistrust each other to the point of constantly going through each others phones and it began to feel like I was living with an enemy rather than a loved one, I so badly wanted this one to be different and to be different myself.
My girlfriend offered to add my fingerprint to her phone, but I said there is no need and mentioned that its probably a bad idea cuz I struggle with boundaries and respecting privacy out of jealousy and while I admit that this is something that I need to work on and address and is wholly my issue, I didnt want the temptation.
The other day she told me to switch music on her phone and just told me her passcode outright. I mentioned to her that she should probably change it, but she laughed it off as a joke.
I feel really bad about what happened next, I was high and drunk (not an excuse, just a reason it happened in that moment) and she had fallen asleep - I picked her phone up, but put it down several times, telling myself this relationship was different and she deserved my trust and this was wrong. However, I finally went through her phone and like an addict I kept reading more and more of her private text messages even between her friends.
I realize that this in itself is very wrong and I will be seeking to continue therapy to deal with underlying issues that cause this unacceptable behaviour. However, now I feel like I ruined this relationship with what I found.
She told her friend that she still think about another guy she used to hook up with and that she was thinking of asking him if they could ever be anything or cutting him out of her life completely if they can't. This guy had a party that she originally invited me too and then told her friend that was a huge mistake, we ended up not going and she admitted she had a thing with him and didnt want to go cuz he is an asshole. She was telling her friend how she misses how much fun she had with him and the sex. Then there were lightly flirty messages to him on instagram and she deleted the whole phone conversation, but I am pretty sured she called him as well. I know I should have never seen this, I know its fucked up that I did because this is a private conversation between friends - and now I feel like I ruined something good because I can't get over this.
I do not want to be someone's second choice or someone she is settling for. I know she is attracted to me and my body, we have had some sex problems and she is not the best I've ever had either and we talked about it openly and have been working on it and its slowly getting better. But when she talks about loving me she always mentions how I help her with her life goals, I am sweet, take care of her - its never about passion or lust and that hurts. She is not a gold digger by any means, but I am much wealthier than her and I think that inadvertently (without her realising) makes her more attracted to me and "my success".
The fact that she would have maybe broken off with me if this guy told her she could be more than a fuck buddy to him really hurts, since we are talking about moving in together and have talked about getting married. Also the fact that she said she shouldn't go to the party cuz its the devil tempting her, but she will anyway cuz it will be a good test if they can be just friends and give her closure. I dont know what to make of it and she invited me but told her friend that was a mistake and told the guy she was coming with just her girls.
I really dont know what to do at this point, I am ignoring all the positives - she also told her friend after "why am i trying to ruin a good thing" and that she was probably just being weak and she loves me so much and doesn't want anyone else in her life. But I just can't get over that in that moment after all we talked about I was her second choice.
I dont know how to talk to her about this, or how to get it off my chest because I am so ashamed that I violated her privacy like that but on the other hand I feel like without getting it off my chest I will hold some resentment towards her and we won't be able to get past this. Plus I think I owe it to her to tell her how I violated her trust and apologise and why I have been off with her the past 2 days.
I am really torn and don't know what to do. She has been so perfect for me up until now, I don't know if what she did was emotional cheating or even playing two guys at the same time or if it was just a case of me viewing messages I had no right to view in which she was being overly honest with a girlfriend in a moment of weakness. I don't know how to talk to her now and how to proceed. Would really appreciate any advice.
TL;DR: I badly violated my gf's privacy by going through her phone after she told me the passcode and fell asleep. Can't get over the fact that she was texting her friend about another guy who she thinks about still and that she wanted to ask the guy if they could ever be anything while discussing moving in and marriage with me. Don't know how to talk to her, because what I did was awful, but what I found out hurt me deeply and I can't get over it without talking to her I think if at all.
So my girlfriend disclosed to me that about a month ago, she cheated on me when one of my ‘friends’ (Aaron) was giving her a ride home. It was after an all-nighter if partying. We were all at my friend’s (Jason) house. Jason, his girlfriend, Aaron, my girlfriend, and a few others wanted to keep the night going (drinking and party favors). It didn’t strike me in the mood so I told my girlfriend I was heading home early and to have fun. She said she will get an Uber home. They all stayed up until 6am and started to fall asleep or part ways. Aaron offered to drive my girlfriend (Sarah) home. Before arriving home, she told me they had sex in his car.
Here is some backstory:
Sarah and I have been together for a little over three years. Our relationship was great and we have had many amazing experiences together, but in the past year, I have been less affectionate and intimate towards her, an issue that she brought up many times and I have only been really working on it in the past few weeks.
This is the only mistake she has made and understands she made a horrible decision. She apologized profusely and we went in detail why it happened. The past months we were not doing so great and had many frequent arguments. The few weeks before this happened, we were in a particular rough patch and had talks about splitting up. This was really out of character for her and I was surprised when she confessed.
Everyone that night was extremely under the influence (I know this isn’t a real excuse). It was Sarah’s second time using ‘party favors’ and she was extremely sick the entire next two days. I remember her telling me how awful she felt (physically) that night and hasn’t had more than a drink or two since then. Aaron was also extremely messed up as he rarely drinks (or uses drugs). He initiated everything and Sarah reciprocated.
Part of me wants to work everything out. We have built a nice life together and I want to continue having my experiences with Sarah. I am cutting contact from my ‘friend’ but I’m having a real hard time deciding if we should work things out or end it. The other part of me feels empty, depressed and sick to my stomach.
Sarah agreed that she needs to go to therapy and I considered couples therapy in addition to individual therapy to address our issues and have some guidance through this. The only reason I am considering giving her a second chance is because this is out of her character and we are gravely invested in each other’s lives. I also cheated in a prior relationship so I can relate to making a shitty mistake.
I am not sure if we should try working things out or moving forward. As I mentioned, I really want to, but I am also afraid what our inner circle of friends will think. I think they will believe I have no self-respect for myself. It’s always easy saying if someone cheats, it’s an automatic break up, but it’s different when it happens to you and your partner - we had life plans for each other. And we really want to make this work out in the long-run.
I guess I am just looking for some guidance or someone to talk to. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
TL;DR - My GF of three years disclosed that she cheated in me with my friend about a month ago. They were both extremely under the influence and she stated it was an immediate regret. I am debating working things out as this was very out of character for her and considering therapy for us both, but I am afraid that if I take her back, it’s a sign of weakness.
We were long distance for a good chunk of our relationship (7 of 8 months total). If we stayed together for 5 days we’d have sex 2 or 3 times at the most. If we only had one night we’d usually have sex. But not always, which is a big deal if you haven’t seen your partner in a month.
We’re in the same city now (1 month). We don’t live together, but I have my own apartment for the month (gone next week to live with family for a month before moving back to my city for work). We’ve had sex twice since I’ve been here, though he’s over 2-3 times per week.
He’s been dealing with a lot of internal stuff in the last 5 months - depression, anxiety (which he refuses to get help with due to being uninsured), I think he has undiagnosed ADHD, his mother is sick (degenerative), and he was unemployed for a few months (he just got a 6 month contract). On top of that, he was doing an extremely strong nicotine substance.
Shortly after we started dating he switched to normal cigarettes, and then vaping. In the last month he’s been laying off the vape after the afternoons because I don’t like how it makes him smell. So now it’s this situation where if he’s vaped, he’s feeling relaxed and sexual. But if he’s been vaping, I’m put off by his smell. But if he hasn’t been vaping he’s anxious and doesn’t feel like sex.
He said a couple days ago that he thinks he needs to quit entirely because the nicotine in the morning/not in the evening is making him sensitive and anxious (and super not sexual).
I think he started the strong nicotine in the first place to cover up some of the internal stuff (make him feel more focused, less anxious). So, I don’t know if quitting will help or not. Though, I’d love him to at least try!
I’m worried he might have too much internal stuff to deal with to really be in a relationship. He’s my best friend, super kind, we always have a blast together. On one hand, I don’t mind being there to support him as he figures things out. It’s tough having the higher libido, but the distance makes that easy to ignore. We have great conversations and dates. There’s still lots of physical affection. On the other hand, I’m worried I’m either holding him back from being able to deal with stuff, or dating someone who will not get help and it’ll be this back and forth of love and anxiety/depression (I think from how he speaks the anxiety is underlying but the depression is more situational with his mom and rocky employment). And maybe he just has a low libido. This period of “feeling down” has only been 5 months and he’s starting to built himself up and take direction in his life.
He’s wonderful, supportive, great sex when we do have it. But his libido and mental health are making it difficult for this to feel like a deep, serious relationship. He’s been making strides at work and reducing his nicotine intake, so I have some hope that the situation will improve.
I don’t know how long to wait. I’m near him for the next month, but I only have the apartment for the next week. Then we’re both living in small houses with our parents which won’t provide much privacy. Then it’s back to once a month visits (FWIW we often get a hotel or Airbnb).
TL;DR: How to know when to leave a great person who is struggling with their mental health?
I am a 20 year old bisexual female in a sorority. I am not really open about the fact that I am bisexual, but my closest friends know, and none have reacted poorly except for my now closest friend who is in my sorority. This event happened in January when we were becoming a lot more close and spending more time together. One night at the beginning of the semester we went out to a party, and basically I ended up making out with a girl in our sorority. My best friend saw what was happening and told me I can't do that, even though she thinks it's okay to make out with random guys all the time. She acted disgusted about what I had done and told me I had to leave the party, and I ended up getting very upset. When the girl came over to try and comfort me, my best friend told her she had to leave. I asked my best friend if we could talk, and I ended up telling her I am not straight and asked if that was okay. She acted disgusted and said it's not. She said things along the lines of, "I let you join my sorority and now you turn lesbian on me." I know she had been drinking, but I was still very upset and thought about just ending the friendship and ghosting her.
The next day when she was sober, she still acted like what I had done was crazy and asked if I meant to do what I had done. I told her I've always been bisexual and she said she's always been against it and she was raised to be that way. She even told me she cried all night after what I had done which I thought was ridiculous. She asked if I have always been like this and acted like she was somehow the victim for what I had done. I feel as though she owed me a lot for how she acted in that situation and she still doesn't understand how wrong it was. She ended up apologizing and acts like she is okay with it now, but I can't help but still be bothered by how she acted that night, and especially how she still acted the next day when she was sober. I have tried to just move past it and accept her apology but lately it has been bothering me even more and I can't tell if I'm just being dramatic.
TLDR: My friend reacted very badly about me coming out as bisexual then apologized and seems to be more accepting but I can't let go of my anger about her reaction.
Hello everyone. I've been having incredibly tough time with my gf of ~6 months recently and I'm looking for advice and support. We started off as casually dating and eventually we agreed on an open relationship status. I had been poly curious for a while and felt that this was a good deal for both of us since I didn't want a serious commitment. Or so I thought.
Eventually after a while, I found that I had caught very strong feelings for her. It felt like an incredible opening for me. I had been in several casual relationships before where things just didn't escalate into the relationship level. Mostly because I was afraid of committing to another. So I thought that maybe I'm a poly since i felt that I liked keeping my independence and not being tied down. Oh how the tables have turned. Now I find myself in a situation where I've never felt love and connection like this to another person and I'm struggling with incredible pain and sorrow over the fact that my partner sees other people.
I think I've handled my jealousy pretty well. I've never tried to stop her from seeing other people since that was our arrangement from the start and I mostly feel okay about the other "main" guy she's seeing currently even though I'm not happy about it. I've expressed my pain about it though, but the core of the conversations about the topic usually end up in her feeling bad because her actions cause me pain and then I feel even more bad because I feel I'm being unreasonable and controlling. In other words, she has no interest in compromising her way of living. She has said that she feels like I want to "own her" which is not the case. I just feel hurt, neglected and not loved. I wish she would spend more time with me and really nurture our relationship instead of seeing other people since it's really strained at the moment. And that seems to be the bigger issue than the open relationship status itself. It just exacerbates all these negative feelings so much. It just seems like she doesn't care enough to work on our relationship even though she says she loves me etc.
There's also an issue of broken trust. I recently found out that even though we specifically agreed to use condoms with other partners, she has had unprotected sex with the other guy she had been seeing. And that other guy is also in a relationship with another woman besides my gf. He told my gf that they only had sex with each other and both had been tested, so they've been having unprotected sex without telling me. Even if I would had been safe the whole time, I feel betrayed. I had no idea about it. I was not given the choice to make my own choices regarding my sexual health. I don't really know these people and I don't know if they're trustworthy. She said that she forgot about our deal about it and she didn't think it was a big deal. I obviously have felt very hurt about it, but I haven't been able to express it completely because it once again brings so much stress to our relationship and she feels bad and says that it's just too much for her and then I feel like the bad guy for being difficult. See the problem here? This is the dynamic we are having.
I have realized in this relationship that I really yearn for deep commitment and bonding even though I thought the opposite last year. I'm also probably not poly. I could maybe try it again if it would go on more slowly and I would receive extra attention and love from my partner. This relationship has felt that everything just went on super fast and I had no time to adjust to new partners etc. I feel like the broken trust was the last straw for me. It just makes me so sick in my stomach. I cannot continue like this anymore.
However I'm just so conflicted about this. Part of me still wants to be with her so much. The connection we've felt was very beautiful and it really allowed me to open myself to the love I had inside me. Not be so scared about it and repress it. The sex we've had has been incredible. It's been a whole new world for me. It's the first time I actually felt that we were making love instead of just sex. I like "just sex" just as much as any other guy, but to make love has been something else entirely. And that's why I feel so scarred about all of this. I had a major breakthrough in my capability to love and commit to another and it just lead to so much suffering. Another thing that makes it hard is that I've never actually broken up with anyone. All my past partners have made the decision first. I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I have to but it's so hard. I still have hope that maybe we can work it out, but I'm just so tired of this pain.
TL;DR: Relationship started as open relationship. I was happy with it for a while until I caught very deep feelings for her. Then it became increasingly difficult with major issues in communication and trust. I don't feel loved the same way I love her and it hurts so badly. Doubting if I am polyamorous after all. I feel like I have to break up with her, but having never broken up with anyone before is making the decision incredibly difficult. Part of me still loves her deeply and it's so hard to let that go. Looking for support and encouragement.
Up until a few weeks ago, I was working in a retail store with another guy, let’s call him Daniel. From the minute I met him seven months ago, I felt an instant spark but never really talked at work, it wasn’t until we realised we caught the same train home that we started to leave work together and got to know each other well. We had everything in common and he has a good heart and I fell for him very quickly. But he’s very shy and has social anxiety, and I didn’t want to make any moves for him to reject me or make him uncomfortable to work with me. But I knew that if he was interested in me after all, he probably wouldn't directly say or express it because of his shyness. We did however have many ‘almost’ moments. We went to two farewell drinks in the last few months and both times we sat and then left together, which ended up with us going to another bar alone to get more drinks. Both times we'd end up staying at another bar for hours laughing and having a great time, but nothing near flirtatious really happened apart from hugging him a little tighter than normal when we'd part ways. I’d also catch him staring at me at work, and started being super chivalrous towards me, holding doors open for me and getting things for me, and whatnot, all very sweet. He also went to ask me to a concert we both liked one time on our way home, but then cut off asking mid sentence and went bright red.
At the same time, I was getting horrendously bullied by my boss and other coworkers which badly affected my work morale and mental health. I cut off a little from him, I didn't know who to trust and a little bit of distance grew between us. I didn’t want to talk to him about it because I didn’t know 100% if he’d keep it to himself, or if he’d even care. So I realised I deserve better boss wise and shouldn't put up with bullying and quickly found another job. In the last two weeks after giving notice, he didn’t get any shifts and didn’t even know I had left and therefore couldn't' say bye. I contemplated messaging him tell him I had left, but felt the distance between us made it too late and felt awkward about it. But I felt really sad to leave him, I still had strong feelings for him seven months later, but didn’t think we’d ever stay in touch or that I’d hear from him again.
Then last week, out of the blue I got a text from Daniel. He said “Hey, (coworker) told me you’d resigned, sorry not to see you at work anymore. But I’m glad you got a better job”. I felt really bad because he didn’t have to reach out and it also sounded kind of brief and sad? So I changed my tone quickly to a happy one and said “I’m sorry too but thank you and I hope we can keep in touch :)” Then his tone changed too and said we’d keep in touch and we can get a drink sometime soon. I said that would be great and suggested this bar that plays rock music that we both love, and said maybe there could be cool. Then he said that would be nice, but he’s leaving tomorrow to go overseas for a few weeks but when he gets back for sure. I had a million butterflies in my stomach, and we talked a bit more about music and his trip, and then I wished him a great trip and he replied with thank you and that hugging smiley emoji.
So I really wanna see him, and I really appreciate him reaching out, I too suffer from social anxiety and am shy so I’m sure that wasn’t easy. But do you think he has romantic intentions or just wants to be friends? He didn't obviously talk about feelings or say it's a date, so I don't want to jump the gun. When I know he’ll be back in a few weeks do you think I should reach out to organise when or wait for him to? I do really like him still, but also really like him as a friend and don’t want to mess up when I see him by making a pass or tell him how I’ve always felt about him. What should I do?
Tldr; Liked a guy from work, where he made subtle hints he felt the same way but was never 100% sure so I let it be and remained friends. A little bit of distance grew between us when I was getting bullied by my boss and retreated into hermit mode at work, but then I finally freed myself from that place. Now that I’ve left, he hit me up to grab a drink but obviously didn't ask me out on a date date. Do you think there’s something there worth perusing or will I look like a fool if I do? I don’t want to mess up our friendship up or make him feel awkward if he doesn’t want me.