So I’ve started seeing this girl recently that I met online. We’ve been having a great time so far (been about a month) but she mentioned in passing on one of our dates recently that she isn’t a ‘natural mother’ and doesn’t ever want kids. I’m almost 100% sure that I eventually want to have kids. The relationship is still super young but I’m 31 and just got out of a 3.5 year relationship that I thought would end in marriage. I don’t want to rush anything but also don’t want to ‘waste’ time if that makes sense. At what point should I bring this up since it might be a deal breaker right from the beginning? Any help is very much appreciated!
I've been losing sleep on something and it's been on my mind all day. I'm a 21 year old guy in college and I've already told this story to some of my friends, which are all guys, but I want to hear more opinions on this because I don't want to hear an opinion from a buddy who is clearly on my side.
Quick background: I haven't dated since I was 13 years old and have been to just hooking up a lot in college. This doesn't mean I'm completely against dating, I'm very open to dating if I feel like I've found someone that I actually like-like.
Now, I met this girl on Tinder, same age as me and goes to the same state school. We started talking around the middle of April and went on a date in the beginning of May and a second one about a week after. I don't do dates and I would even argue that these would be my first "real dates", but this girl seems like the dating type and going on actual dates seemed different and refreshing, so I decided I'd see where it goes and not make any moves at all and do things to show I'm not just trying to hook up. I wasn't going out with her with the intentions of being in a relationship, but I wanted to get to know her first and decide from there without hooking up and possibly be in a relationship if it works out. In other words, I didn't want to go too fast. I wanted to go on actual dates and get to know someone for once.
The dates were okay. I would say she's pretty shy but can be a bit talkative at the right times. I told her I had fun and she said that she did too and she's the one who said that we should go out again next week right before I dropped her off, so I figured that she's just slowly getting comfortable around me. She casually mentions her exes in every other story, in the same way you'd tell a story that just involved a regular friend, but she also mentioned that there's no bad blood with her past relationships which is why it's normal for her to just talk about it, which weirded me out a little but I just shrugged it off. At this point, I'm still not thinking about getting into a relationship and would just like to get to know her more.
Alright, now this is what's bothering me and making me think about it all day. So she's the one who asks me out after the second date saying that we should go out again that week. Later that night she tells me that she's free anytime that week except for Wednesday because she'll be picking up her friend group from the airport (one of them being her other ex, who is a part of her friend group). I text her the following day asking if she wants to go out on Tuesday, but she's taking awhile to text back, just like the first time she had to cancel on me for an emergency involving her sick cat. She turned down my idea of seeing a movie, and suggested that we grab dinner instead, but turns out the restaurant closes early so we ended up not going out that day. I kinda just assumed she just didn't feel like going out, because our first date that took place a few days after she cancelled on me went well, and she kept saying how excited she was for our second date, and even the one telling me after our second date that we she really had fun and we should go out again.
Communication in between our first and second date (about 5 days apart) was great and she would text within minutes and send funny posts all day, but it slowly died down after the date didn't work out and because her friends are finally back in town and she was going to pick them up the next day. She didn't bring up a date after that day and I didn't ask her out because I figured she'd like to spend some time with her friends who just got back. She's pretty shy, and since she mentioned that she had fun on our second date and was the one who wanted to go out again that week, I thought she was just waiting for me to ask again. So when the weekend came up, I asked if she wanted to go out sometime during the next week. She said she's starting to get papers and midterms and don't know how much of it she'll be able to finish. I know that school's important so I just told her that it's no biggie and to just let me know if she's free. But she goes out with her friends that week, so at this point I just kinda feel like the momentum's gone and she doesn't want to go out anymore. I decided that I would try one last time and if I don't get a clear yes, I'm just moving on.
I sent her a text on a Friday night asking if she wants to go out next week, but she didn't say anything about it and just moved the conversation elsewhere. I don't want to sound annoying and keep asking her out, so I told her that she's fun to hangout with, but I'll just see her around campus next semester when she's less busy.
She went out that night with her friends coincidentally the same night that I decided to give it one last go before giving up. She then unfriends me the next day, which surprises me because I didn't intend to sound like a jerk who was just going to stop being friends with her. I ask her if there's anything I did that made her unfriend me and block me and I'd still like to get to know her, and she said that I was being passive. She said that the one night she goes out with her friends I decide to tell her that I'll see her next semester just because she was taking too long to text back. She said that she promised her ex that the next person she was going to be with is going to be 100x better than him, and because I was coming off as "super passive" it was a clear indication I'm not that guy.
At this point I don't even know what to say because I was calm the whole time. I thought telling her I'll just ask her out at the beginning of the next semester, when there are no papers and exams, will be ideal and I was thinking it would make me not feel like I'm an annoying little kid who can't take a hint. I wasn't trying to come off as mean or passive, it just happened that I decided to give it one last try and then give up if it doesn't happen the same night she goes out, but now I'm being compared to some guy and how I'll never live up to him and being called "passive".
I've never been called passive before so I'm trying to explain to her how it's a coincidence and that I just wanted to try asking her out one last time before I decide that *"yeah, the momentum's gone and I messed up and she doesn't want to go out anymore. Time to move on."* I'm just trying to explain this but then she's getting aggressive and saying that *"holy fuck obviously I was busy at school that week and I'm trying to graduate"* and that *"if I wanted to I would've made time to see you in between school just like I did with my ex"* and how I should just *"just stop and fucking stop embarrassing yourself"* when all I did was try to explain how this isn't really supposed to be a big deal. I knew she was busy with school so I asked a week later, and if it still doesn't work out, then I know what it means.
Now I'm coming off as some crazy guy who's passive, who'll never be just like her ex that she keeps mentioning, who's "fucking embarrassing" myself? This is *really* bothering me because I'm coming off as crazy here when I wasn't trying to, and trying to explain myself that those weren't my intentions is just making me look even more crazy to her and "fucking embarrassing myself"? Am I?
Every time I tried to commit in a serious relationship and get my emotions invested in one girl and stay exclusive I left it with a broken heart.
Had my heart broken several times I became so numb that I found out I will probably never open up to any girl again.
It just happened recently.
Broken hearted. Ghosted. Again.
Now you ladies ask why are there so many bad boys / players out there. Guess what. We are the product of your behavior.
I no longer find ANY sense in seriously dating women with a relationship perspective in my head. You will always ghost us or leave us heart broken and it only hurts more every time.
The only way for us to live a healthy life and have our emotions in check is through playing and messing with women as much as we can, just for fun. I no longer want to feel what I felt and I don't care anymore. I won't invest in a single girl ever again.
Much rather preffer living a bad boy player lifestyle and never give a damn about any woman in my life ever again. I don't care that I will leave many women broken hearted. You want this.
You women only want toxic relationships. You want to go for the guy who will fuck you and leave you broken hearted. These guys are the guys with tough past history and they became that way because of your behavior.
So please, don't blame us that all man are jerks. That's not out fault.
Hi, I went out with a girl and it was a great day but I felt that I don't want to rush things. However, I don't think she feel the same. How or what should i tell her to take slow and start as friends first? Thank in advance.
So I got a girls number on the weekend (both mid-20s). It’s now 4 days passed and I’m getting decent delay between texts back, like 6 hour gaps. My texts are just about finding a time we’re both free. I’m totally getting the signal. But is there any reason that a girl would do this if they’re actually interested?
So there’s this girl I’ve been crushing on since the start of April or so in one of my university classes. At first we started chatting as our school was on strike and we didn’t really have much time together because there’s only two 2 hour sessions a week when we can meet and they’re usually very quiet lectures.
Text conversation was going great, even better than the short chances we had to talk IRL. Even got to the point of delving into deep topics about our ideas, personal preferences, passions, philosophies and so on. Though she hasn’t replied for over two weeks now, and ironically we’ve had more chances to spend time together IRL in or after class.
I don’t know if it could be that the chat was getting too stale or complex, or maybe if she’s a just being polite in person though not really interested. Part of me wants to blame it on finals but she’s overall active on her social media aside from texting. I don’t think I’m overthinking this as I’m rather relaxed about it, but it does make me curious as to why it might be this way.
Anyone got any thoughts or similar experiences to share? Thanks! Also sorry in case of any formatting issues as I’m on mobile.
So I went on a date with this great girl on Friday. We got on well and there was some kissing towards the end. It was awesome.
So the problem I have is that I’m really out of shape. No real muscle mass, skinny and some love handles. I wore a shirt that fit me really well, probably making me look better than reality. She on the other hand, is very into karate and I’m pretty sure she could bench press me (slight exaggeration). Seriously the curves are in all the right places.
Anyway, for the next date she suggested swimming in the lake. Obviously that immediately brought out some of my insecurities. I managed to change it to a restaurant date, but as the summer is just starting, that’ll only be possible for a few more dates.
The last month I have been going to the gym, eating clean etc and the love handles are disappearing. I’ll probably be within a good BMI in a week or so. But there’s no way I can improve my strength/muscle appearance noticeably without 6+ months.
Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation? Maybe it’s not as big a deal as it is in my head? It did occur to me to just be honest, and tell her I don’t feel comfortable right now, but I’m sure that’d be a total turn off. Can I tell her I have to travel with work for a few months and come back looking like a body builder?
Also, I did have a back injury early last year, which we already discussed on the date. This is a major contributor to my situation. So I have a somewhat valid reason, but maybe the reason isn’t important, just the aesthetics.
I [27F] recently got divorced a few months ago, so I haven't dated anyone new in about 6 years. I'm focusing more on career and school right now, so I'm not looking for anything super serious, so I ended up downloading Tinder just to start checking it out. I ended up (surprisingly) matching with a guy pretty quickly who actually shares a ton of my same interests and was really fun to talk to. We end up texting a lot over the next few days and he asks me out to dinner. We went to dinner and stayed for about 3 hours just talking and having great conversation. The dinner ended kinda flat though with just a hug and then we went our separate ways. I was disappointed by that and also just had a gut feeling that he wasn't feeling it. The next day he texted me and again said that he had a really great time and he loved how many interests we share and that he wanted to hang out again but that he just wanted to be friends, and I feel very confused. I wasn't really expecting anything serious out of Tinder, but I feel like he must have found me attractive and I also feel like I look like my pictures and we were talking a lot before the date and getting along great and we had a ton to talk about on the date, so I'm just confused why he is no longer interested. Has this type of situation happened to anyone else? Like what gives?
My (25F) boyfriend (22M) and I have been together for several months now, most of that time being long distance. Over the past few months he has had to do some work abroad and as such he will be contactable for a few days before having no reception for another week.
Before he left he told me that this would be the case but I wasn't too bothered. The long distance relationship that we had maintained before he left worked well for me, communication was good and I was very happy. Since leaving on his trip however, he sends me maybe a weekly photo. He has called twice over 2 months and each time was very brief. I've messaged him twice saying that while I can appreciate that he is enjoying his work, I need more communication / some sort of conversation rather than just the odd photo. I can't call because I don't know his schedule, he works odd hours so I'm reliant on him to initiate a phone call. He knows my work hours and he knows that I will make time for a phone call if he gives me a time that works for him. Unfortunately, despite my messages he doesn't call. He has messaged me twice since our last conversation, I reply and then he disappears for a few days with no reception (FB messages don't go through) and then never continues the conversation.
While I can understand him not calling or messaging when he doesn't have reception, there are a few days every week or two where he does. I see photos of him and his colleagues having fun outside of work, going drinking, having nice dinners etc but he doesn't contact me on those days. When I bought up my concerns about our lack of communication he apologised, said he didn't realise there was an issue and that he was just having a lot of fun exploring new locations with friends that he would forget to call.
Honestly, I don't feel like I'm in a relationship anymore. Saying that he would forget to contact me basically told me that he doesn't prioritise our relationship. I want to end things when he comes back (in a week or two) but I'm hesitant because things were so great before he left. He was always proactive with messaging and calling, we would message all day long and talk over the phone every second day and often for an hour or two each time. There wasn't even a transition where communication decreased. He left for his trip and it just suddenly stopped.
I guess I just want some advice. Do I make the decision based on the last couple of months and end things or do I see if things improve once he is back? With his work he will have a couple of trips like this every year, I don't think I can handle being 'forgotten' for a few months every year. I just feel really needy about wanting more contact and I don't know if what I'm asking for is unreasonable.
TLDR: SO other works abroad a few months every year. When home, communication is great. While away, it's basically non existent. Reception is poor but on days where he does have some, he sends me a photo and doesn't engage in or initiate conversation. I feel more like an acquaintance than a girlfriend. I have communicated my need for more contact twice, he apologised and said he didn't realise that there was an issue, he was just working and having fun with friends that he would forget to contact me. I feel needy asking for more communication given the circumstances and I'm unsure of whether I am being unreasonable.