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Right now I'm sitting with my friend in a hotel room, on the other side of the country from where we live, and the people who trigger her to smoke crack, as she goes through her third day of withdrawal. Before we left she'd decided she wanted to quit, but kept telling me she'd have a "natural high" from being where we are; I'm not an idiot and knew full well what was going to happen, and that being in a new city with no contacts to buy from was exactly what it would take to get things started.
So now I'm watching as she struggles with the discomfort and pain, trying to figure out what I can do to make things less shitty for her. She was a heavy user (multiple times a day, at least for the past month. A user for over a year before that), so I know that the road ahead is no cake walk, but is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable? She's been drinking (another addiction, but we're tackling one at a time) to try and level out, but obviously that's going to have limited success, and I don't want her hurting herself in one way to try and compensate for something else.
I found my wife Has Adderall from 2015, I crushed alot of it up and was ready to eat/snort it like I used to do while she was out of town but then I started thinking, it has been almost 3 years since I broke my addiction and I managed to flush it down the 🚽, I just want praise for dumping my wife's old addys(I always thought if I started once more I would be done for)
I've abused a variety of drugs in the past.. prescription drugs, pain killers, weed, alcohol, psychedelics. The reason I've never thought I could have a real problem is because I'm always able to quit. Nicotine/ alcohol/ pain killers/ amphetamine. I've quit it all. It's just I've never gone too long without taking anything. I'll usually move on to another drug after going a bit without what I'm used to taking daily.
I use daily. I honestly have such a difficult time wanting any daily life besides the one where I can zone out a bit with the help of some drugs. I've tried mediation in the past and it made me truly happy but drugs are so much easier and go so much further. Daily sobriety sucks. I want the abstract thinking. I want the escape. I want to get out of it.
I want to live a life where I can take some mind altering drug everyday while also staying healthy. I'm here because in the past few days I crossed a line I never thought I would. I put other people's lives in danger and it made me hate myself so damn much. And in part the reason I did what I did was because I felt trapped by using and putting off responsibilities.
Makes me think what I really need to do is find a more compatible drug. If I can quit highly addictive drugs can I truly be an addict? I just can't see a life where I can't tilt things a bit as one I'd like to live.
I'd just like to talk to someone about what's up. AA and similar programs seem so extreme with their abstinence only teaching and religious BS. Have you dealt with similar problems and found a way to get a break from things still?
So i probably already know the answer to this, but I'm sure there are a few out there with first hand experiences. Background im 29, started binge drinking when i was around 17, and really never stopped for longer than a month, two weeks is rare.
Alochol wise id get drunk probably every four days, fifth deep stay up to see the sun drunk. I'd smoke probably 3/4s of a pack of cigarettes, and then upon waking up drink a bunch of water and take a mg of xanax once or twice a day. That was my typical binge, and the entire next day was dealt with coping with the hangover and trying to remember the conversations i had in a full black out (full functioning).
Last saturday i caught the flu thats been going on around, so ontop of that sucking a bag of dicks, no nicotine, no alcohol, and i knocked the xanax (prescribed) 3/4s.
Its been a week now, and i dont have the flu and i figure id keep sticking to drying out, but i am fucking miserable. My sleep is incredibly disturbed (fall asleep at 5pm, wake up at 9pm, rinse and repeat) and every now and then I'm just sweating bricks.
I honestly have no urge to drink or smoke (only smoke when i drink), i just am over this whole half lucid day time. I honestly couldnt tell you who i texted yesterday, or what time you want to say yesterday was.
So is it stupid to try and cut out three things at once? Or when is the reprieve of this mind splitting headache going to be over.
If theres any younger kids out there, when you start saying things like "i can't get drunk off beer, i only drink liquor" or something that affect.. you are not on a good path buddy. You'll soon be having visits from the honest pure horror of staring death in the face that is an alcohol withdraw panic attack.
My on/off long distance boyfriend of 3 years has suffered from various addictions for the past 10 or so years (opiates, marijuana, alcohol, stimulants, who knows what else). He's currently on a job contract in an isolated poverty-stricken town, which has contributed to his depression, loneliness, and feelings of isolation. This only fuels the addictions and secretiveness about them. He stays in this miserable, abusive job because it enables him to use and keep loved ones at a literal distance.
He finally came to the conclusion on his own that he needs to go to rehab. He's talked about it in the past, but this time it seemed like he was really ready to go. He told his family, which is HUGE, as he's usually VERY secretive with them about all things, especially this. I've been the only person he's really told about his addictions, and he definitely keeps things from me, too.... so telling his family that he wanted to go to rehab was a huge step forward.
He started seeing an LCSW in order to get a referral for treatment, and did call a few rehabs, though it seems like lots of them don't take his insurance. He seemed to like the counselor and found her helpful. This all seemed like it was going in a good direction.
This was over a month ago. Since then, he's had to miss a few therapy sessions due to scheduling issues, and he's completely lost the momentum to see this through. I think he's had some relapses and is using/drinking again, which resets the shame spiral that zaps his motivation. He's withdrawn from me and his family, ignores our texts and calls for days at a time, and hasn't mentioned rehab in weeks. When I ask about it and/or therapy, he's avoidant.
I'm so disappointed and discouraged. I feel very helpless and I know I can't do anything for him... he has to see this through himself. I've offered to help him in any way I can in terms of finding the right rehab place, etc. He doesn't seem to want myself, and if I bring it up too often, it feels like I'm nagging. He was just SO CLOSE and I wish there was something we could do to get him motivated and back on track to getting help. I'm trying to be supportive, but I just feel so frustrated.
I want a future for us, and I want nothing more than for him to get help so that we can have a real shot at a life together. I wish he would just quit this job, move back home here and get the help he needs where he has love and support from me and his family... but that would require his full commitment to change his life, and clearly he's ambivalent, so he stays where he can hide and uses his job as an excuse.
I'm not sure there is any advice anyone could offer... I mainly just posted this to vent a bit if what I'm going through. But if anyone has been in a similar situation, feel free to share your story.
TD;LR my addict BF wants to go to rehab but is stalling
So I’ve been a social drinker for years, but recently I’ve been going through some hard times and turned to the bottle to try to work through it.
Three times over the past two months I’ve gotten drunk enough to actually express my feelings to someone about my life and how I see myself. I decided to try to limit my drinking a few days ago.
I have no doubt I’m self-medicating, and right now I’m working on finding a psychiatrist and a therapist to help me with the things I’m going through.
I have a friend coming into town right now, and the only thing that’s going to get me to even come out of my shell socially is going to have a drink with dinner, otherwise I basically only feel like conversing with a brick wall. At the same time, I feel like doing that means maybe I’m not strong enough to do anything without the alcohol. Thoughts?
I've always had an addictive personality, and that coupled with a generally high tolerance for drugs/alcohol leads to me nearly always going overboard with drug/alcohol use. I was heavily dependent on weed when I was 16-18 and would smoke from the second I woke up until I went to bed. I didn't do too well in my A levels because of this, and my parents found out about it, so I was essentially under house arrest from the ages of 18-20. I'd still find ways to smoke and drink, but only 1-2 times a week.
I've been on holiday from Uni for 3 months, and I wasn't staying with my parents. I started doing Ecstacy. My Uni friends have been doing it for about a year, but because of the house arrest situation I'd never tried it. The first few times I did it were spaced out (about a week or two in between each time), and we only did it for a special occasion, like if a favorite DJ was playing at a club or it was someone's birthday. But since Jan, I've been taking it 2-3 times a week, and my friends and I never stop at 1 pill. I should also mention that the pills we get in the country I live in are extremely dirty and spiked with all kinds of crap. International E pills are extremely expensive and hard to find.
The last two weeks, I went on a huge binge. I've been smoking weed 24/7 everyday of the holidays, and drinking 3-4 times a week, but these last two weeks, I drank nearly 24/7, and popped E nearly every day. I also took random sleeping pills every few days to be able to sleep. My friends are not as into E as I am because of the physical and mental toll it takes on your body, so when they don't want to pop, I just find someone else who wants to.
The second last time I popped, my tolerance was so high that I only tripped for about 20 minutes. My emotions were all over the place afterwards and I called one of my friends (he isn't in the country right now) and I was so sad and depressed I really freaked him out. I was telling him I wanted to go to rehab and get clean because I don't want to live with the constant desire for drugs, like, there's a voice in my head that's been telling me I'm only good at drugs and nothing else since I was 16, even when I'm sober.
Now, it's been about 2 days since I popped last, and I've barely slept. Since I'm back in my parents' house, I can't smoke cigarettes either, but I just snuck one in my bathroom and then spent 2 minutes crying against the bathroom door because I feel so bad about how my addiction for substances controls me so much. I hate everything about my addiction, I hate how I get so irritable with others when I'm going through withdrawals, I hate how I spend most of my time thinking about when I can get another hit, I hate how I go off with people I barely know (like, we had one class together, or I know them through a friend) to do drugs whenever my friends don't want to.
It's gotten to the point where I feel like drugs are my entire identity. I'm pretty sure that all my friends see me as a junkie, and since I've been partying so much over these last 3 months, I'm pretty sure that most people at my Uni see me as a junkie too. Most of my conversations with people are about drugs or partying; all my other interests are kind of obscure and nerdy and I don't really know many other people into the same things so I don't really have much else to talk about. The other day, my friend jokingly asked me to tell him an interesting story about my life that didn't involve drugs, and I couldn't think of anything (I still can't). In fact, if you were to ask my friends what I love, everyone's answer would be animals, then drugs.
I know that my drug use is not as bad as it could be, but I'm so worried that it's only going to get worse as I get older, because I know that it's not a sustainable lifestyle. I don't want to quit drugs forever, but I just want to get rid of the shitty voice in my head that tells me I'll never be good at anything else, and congratulates me whenever I do "well" at drugs.
I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal for others who have gone through similar things, because from the way my friends talk about it, their withdrawals are mostly physical. They're all very happy people even when they're sober (by this I mean when they're 100% sober and not withdrawing off anything), whereas I'm just irritable and lazy and sad. Many people have told me that I look much better now, and that I seem much happier, and I don't know how to tell them that it's because I'm always on drugs.
My Uni semester is starting in a day, and I want so badly to not feel like this anymore so I can focus on my studies. I generally get good grades, but every semester during the last few weeks of Uni and the exam period, I get so stressed that all I can think about is drugs and alcohol and I can't study and I just slack off. I've been going through the learning outcomes and assessment guidelines for all my subjects this coming semester and they're all going to be so difficult and time-consuming and it's stressing me out so much. I'm really worried that I'm just going to get so stressed that I'll snap and drop out of Uni and just do drugs until I OD (it's something I've been thinking about on and off since I was 16).
I am completely fine with just doing drugs and dying young, but part of me doesn't want to be okay with that anymore. I just don't know how to get to a place where I can be offered a drug and say no because I genuinely don't want to, and not because I'm worried about a drug test or my parents finding out. I'm really worried that there's no other path for me than drug addiction so I'm wondering if there are any former addicts who have felt similar things and managed to get over that voice in their head that tells them that they're very good at drugs and either average or shitty at everything else, so they should just do drugs all the time.
TL;DR: Did a lot of ecstacy in a short period of time, am stressed and depressed, don't want to be dependent on drugs anymore.
I have a voice in my head edging me toward my addiction. It's like the movie Cloud Atlas, whoever has seen it. A person in my ear whispering that grows into a shout. Whenever I kick an addiction I find something else to replace it.