She's started eating some real food here and there, and her poops seem to have made a real leap in intensity. It's such a drag dealing with an exploded diaper out and about, I don't want to face it. And yesterday, I was cleaning a poopy diaper, and she decided to produce more mid-change. You have to have quick hands to avoid disaster sometimes. I'm having a little trouble unseeing that whole thing, to be honest.
So tl:dr, we're just hanging out listening to music until she makes the poonami.
Went to my MIL house to use her pool, she drained it for repairs. Didn't tell us.
As I was leaving, my sole on my shoe slipped causing me to fall while carrying the baby. She's ok, managed to keep my hand behind her head the whole time. But im pretty sure my ankle is going to swell up.
Broke the zipper on the diaper bag, so I could get to the snacks to console a crying baby.
Once recovered, I managed to lock the baby in the car with the autostart running. Had 15 min to get her out...couldnt. So I had to break a window.
So now the baby is with my MIL while I limp home and cry myself to sleep.
I graduated with my bachelor's in Software Development a couple months ago. I've found out the hard way that the industry isn't so accepting of newbie developers who have absolutely zero real-world experience in the industry. 95% of "entry-level" positions actually mean 2-5 years of working experience with very specific languages and technologies relevant to the position, which is hard to keep up with. Needless to say, I'm struggling to find work. To cope with this as well as increase my chances of getting hired, I've begun learning things like extra languages on my own time, and a few days ago, I started developing my own Android app, which is really eating up my time.
If this was just a hobby, I wouldn't be prioritizing it so much. But since it is relevant to my new career, will help me get a job in the future, and even has the *potential* to be profitable, I have been prioritizing my app. At this point, I'm basically a work-from-home, full-time dad who isn't bringing in an income... and I'm not sure what to do with my kids now. At least while the older one was in school, it was much easier to focus on coursework while I finished up my degree. But now since it's summertime, the kids and I just find ourselves hanging out at the house most days because I want to focus on my work.
So all you other work-at-home dads, how do you manage your time and your kids, especially during the summer? Do you have someone watch them during the week at all, or do your kids end up entertaining themselves at home like mine all day? Do you just get less work done during the summer?
I posted this in r/SAHP before I knew this sub existed. Would like your feedback as well!
Sorry, this is long... My wife (36) and I (46) have been talking about me leaving my job to be a stay at home parent. We have two kids, they just turned 10 and 6. I don't really find my job very fulfilling and would rather spend time with our kids, volunteering, and occasionally helping out on our family farm. My wife has a fairly stressful job so being able to do more at home would help her as well.
We're in a good place financially, which is the only reason we're considering it. Our income would go from about $235k per year to $150k per year (after subtracting my $85k salary). My wife's $150k per year is expected to go up $10-15k per year indefinitely. We've also inherited some farm land that (in 2 years) will generate about $50-60k per year in income. So in 2 years my salary will basically be replaced by my wife's raises and the farm. We've been debt-free, house and all, for 4 years and feel pretty strongly about never going into debt again (we don't even use credit cards). We have $30k in an emergency fund (about 8 months of expenses), $90k in college funds, and $600k in 401k's. When I reach 65 I'll also have a small pension coming from my employer (if I were to leave my job today it'd be $21k per year).
My only real concern is that I'm very lucky to be in this job. I've been here 21 years, make $85k, and have good benefits. I don't have a college degree, no certifications, etc. The experience I have here may not directly translate to a similar job somewhere else. If I ever need to go back into the workforce I'd be lucky to find something that pays half as much. Ideally I'd just cut my hours and work here part-time but they don't really offer that option (I plan on asking before quitting). So it's kind of a big deal to give it up.
My wife is in a high demand field and very good at what she does so we're confident she could find something fairly quickly if she ever lost her job. I guess it's worth mentioning we have $1 million in life insurance on her and would add another $1 million if I quit my job. So if she passed we'd have plenty to replace her income. For the last 4-5 months my pay has gone directly into savings and we've been budgeting using only her income. We've still been able to save about $2k per month on top of our normal budget.
We would save money on a few things. I commute 1 hour to and from work each day so we'd save some in gas (not to mention wear and tear on the car). Getting rid of daycare would save us an average of about $600 per month. We also have a housekeeper we would get rid of and that would save us $180 per month.
As far as pitfalls... I don't think the stigma of being a SAHD would bother me. I don't really care too much what other people think. I guess I won't know for sure until it happens though. And I know it's important to socialize and stay busy so that's something I'll have to always be aware of.
I already do a lot of what some would consider "mom" things - coordinating play dates, signing the kids up for activities, keeping track of what's going on at school, etc. There are also a lot of stay at home moms in our neighborhood so most of my kids friends are already home during the summer. I know some dads have trouble finding play groups, etc., since I already know a lot of the moms of my kid's neighborhood friends I don't see that as being too much of an issue.
Thanks for reading through all of this. I think we've covered a lot of it but I just wanted to see if you had any words of wisdom. Maybe some things we should consider but haven't.
Hey everyone, just wanted to say "Hi". I have been a stay at home dad now for the past month.
My wife and I were both in the military and I separated a few years ago while she stayed in. She was planning on separating too, but because of how terrible my company's health insurance was, she stayed in for the birth of our son. The military is great when it comes to maternity leave (3 months of paid leave for her). My company gave me a whopping zero. Regardless, after her maternity leave was up, she was given the opportunity to get a job overseas. We both never got stationed in Europe before, so we jumped at the opportunity to live 3 years out of the US.
We moved to the NRW region of Germany last month. There isn't really any jobs for me out here, save for taking care of our kid. So here I am. I've been reading through the other posts on this sub and just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. I'm sure I'll be asking for advice as soon as things settle down here and we are able to move in to our own place (been living in hotels for the past few months).
TLDR; My wife is in the military. We have been stationed in Germany. I just became a SAHD here.
If you’ve seen my past posts you’ll know I’m going through some stuff with my wife trying to get her to help with our son when she’s not at school (4 days a week school 2 pm to 10:30 pm). We just had a big fight about it today. It started with her being on her phone while only I played with him. I asked her if she would get off her phone and spend time with him. She said in a minute. 10 minutes later she gets off the phone and he grabs her hand to walk her around (it’s his thing right now). I sit down because I’ve been walking around with him so I decided to take a small break and let her handle him for a few min at least. 2 minutes go by and she comes out of our room to see me sitting down and says “get off your ass come on” I say what? Do I really have to follow you when you take care of him? You were just sitting down but I can’t when you watch him?
She said that she was only sitting for a minute. I reminded her it was more like 10. She gets mad about that and the yelling begins. I did also. She brings up how yesterday I was sick and she helped a lot (she did because I had lost my methadone dose for the day and was feeling pretty bad) and I told her I know she did and thank you but that if she remember I was there with her most of the day trying to help out still. She says she didn’t ask for me to. I tell her she guilted me when I was gone for 45 minutes because when I came back to them she made a big deal about how I took so long and immediately had me take over to smoke a cig for 20 minutes.
Then she starts yelling more so I cut her off and say regardless of what we both say this argument isn’t solving anything. All I want is very simple: for you to help an even amount some of the weekend when you’re off and let me have some me time other than when he’s napping or asleep. She says she did yesterday. I say yes thank you but I need help more than that. That it would be nice on one day of the weekend to not have to wake up and feed him. Maybe I’d like to sleep in once.
Then she just gets mad and says she does watch him and no matter how much she does I just complain and whine about wanting her to do more.
I get she goes to school and I understand me doing everything those 4 days. I even understand giving her another day to have her time alone for her but she hasn’t woken up to take care of him once since he was born except for when were on trips somewhere. She had post partum disorder when he was born and that’s why she said she didn’t want to do things with him then. So I did everything. Now it feels like that never ended and she says watching him is my job because I wanted to stay home with him.
We didn’t have a choice her school money got our rent paid and we couldn’t afford daycare if I kept working either way. She says going to school is her job and taking to account his naps we work the same amount. I keep telling her that she gets to see adults and talk to people while I’m just stuck with my son who can’t even talk and just screams right now. He’s behind so I feel like a failure as a parent and I feel alone.
After the fight she started watching him but he didn’t want to go to her he tried to come to me. I’m not going to turn him away if I’m not busy and right there so I tried to put aside my feelings and be there for him. She pushes him away from me and says “he doesn’t want to take care of you don’t go to him” I tell her that’s messed up to say to him and she should t have done that for real. She just ignored me and took him away to do something so I came outside to collect myself and write this.
It sucks because she has a lot of the power right now. We decided for me to leave my job to stay with him because financially it made more sense so if we were to split I’d be screwed and have nothing. She’s mentioned keeping most things and screwing me the one time I bothered to ask what we’d do in a divorce. We have one car my parents gave to us and she said she’s keeping that for sure because only her name is on it because we had to do a Bankrupty under my name for credit cards we messed up early in our marriage.
I don’t know what to do and feel like anytime I ask for help I’m guilted into not spending time for myself. Even now she made it feel like she’d watch him but that I’m a shitty dad because I’m asking too much of her and hate watching my son or something.
Don’t get me wrong I love my son and love being with him but for real I just need regular time to do something for myself. When he naps I eat lunch and then he wakes up. He goes to sleep at 8 and I eat dinner then I do my house chores a lot like clean the kitchen and play with the dogs and stuff. So it’s not just free time but she doesn’t see it that way. She sees it as I’m choosing to not take my me time during his naps and when he’s sleeping and I shouldn’t rely on her to help do my job when she’s doing her job alone.
I don’t know what to do. I’d like to get therapy with her because obviously she thinks I’m just bitching and she’s doing a lot. How do I get her to see the real amount of time she spends with him on the weekends? Seems like no matter how I approach the situation she turns it around on me and I’m the bad guy for asking.
Please help guys i feel lost and like I’m going crazy. She makes me feel like maybe she’s doing a lot and I’m just being an asshole but I’m pretty sure I m really not. I don’t know. Damn.
TL;dr how do I get my wife to understand how much I need her to help when she’s not in class when she thinks she already does so much but doesn’t in my eyes.
Hey everyone! new to Reddit and just found this sub.
Let me try to explain more clearly what I mean. Although I have a great relationship and an amazing blended family, for some reason I can’t feel the pride in my daily routine. There are 2 adults and four(half bio,half step) kids (6,9,10,13) in our home so as you can imagine cleaning takes up the majority of my time. This activity seems futile most of the time, but I’ve recently tried to see the time I spend on that as the time I can find to throw my noise canceling headphones on and take a small break from the chaos. The children are all well behaved, smart, motivated kids that require not much more than “parenting maintenance” to make sure they stay focused and on track with what matters. I know I have a large part in the great little people that they are. I don’t feel pride in my role in this as I see the child rearing as my way to pull my own weight and raising them to be good people as my obligation as a parent. Even as stellar report cards come out and praise from the misses about the cleanliness of the house or her exclamations of gratitude for doing what I do so she can pursue her professional goals in her field that she loves. Even with all this I do not feel like a disposable/easily replaceable member of our team because I don’t provide financial assistance and don’t think what I do is extraordinarily different than most SAHD. I know, it’s an antiquated view of modern society but it’s how I was raised and hard to shake as I was once the primary source of income and now I need to ask for gas money. Anyone else feel similar and able to grow out of it and truly appreciate the efforts we put in?
I appreciate the time you took to read my craziness 🙂
A bit about me i was school trained in NYC in culinary arts and cooked in NYC for 5 years all over the 5 boroughs.Ive cooked in other states as well and here to share my knowledge with you all who are struggling with creating meals for your family.So ill mention a few things here to get you started and will try to build off of that daily.Feel free to send me messages if you got questions about stuff.I was the grill and smoker guy at a Michelin star restaurant in brookyln so if you want tips with grilling and smoking i can help ya out. anyway heres my tips for today
1.Get a good chefs knife. I have a tojiro 8 inch knife and does wonders
2.Keep your knife sharp. A dull knife sucks to do anything with i use a ceramic sharpener for mine.
3.Get a few cutting boards.I prefer a flat plain and simple board with a wet papertowel underneath to keep it from moving.
4.Keep your meals simple at first. Dont overwhelm yourself with complicated recipes,the less steps the better.
5.Crockpots and rice cookers are great.Lots of things you can do with both of these
6.For a meal 3 things need to be thee Protein(meat,fish) Starch (rice,potato,pasta etc etc) and a veggie(small salad ,cooked veggies etc)
7.The internet is your friend.Check out all recipes its a great site for finding easy meals and read peoples reviews on the recipes.
8. Buy a thermometer. This is a must, a digital one on amazon goes for 15 bucks.Knowing the temps on your meat is important so you dont over cook or under cook anything. This is such an underrated and not thought of thing its crazy.Temps are everything and can make a good meal great or a meal bad.
Dont beat yourself up if it doesnt turn out the way you wanted. Shit happens to everyone,if you mess something up or over cook over season something, lesson learned for next time.
10.Have Fun! finding what you enjoy doing is the key here.I love to grill, so every chance i get i grill,whether is chicken fish steaks pork i find an excuse to fire it up.
Buy meat when its on sale and plan your meals according to that.I check online at my grocery stores nearby,if theres stuff on sale i get a bunch of that vaccum seal it then freeze it. It saves money and makes planning your meals easier as most things can be defrosted in a bowl of water still in the bag same day you plan on cooking it. Granted i dont like freezing any meat for quality purposes,but when it comes to home cooking vaccum sealing and freezing makes it do able. If you dont want to invest in a vaccum sealer, just buy stuff as it goes on sale and cook it within 5 days.
12.Buy a digital scale. It will help you portion meats and weigh ingredients ,and you can find one on amazon for cheap that last a long time
These are a few tips of mine ive come to learn for cooking at home. I will post things i have cooked and share how i did it in the future so keep an eye out for my posts if youre interested.