I know a couple girls that when I spend time with them I sort of feel like I have a crush on them. I just got out of my first relationship that was three years so I think the desire to want affection from a cute girl is pretty normal so I don’t take these feelings too seriously.
The thing that pairs with these feelings is interesting though and I can’t quite figure it out. I’ll think about what it would be like to date them, to live near their town, to have memories together. To spend time with their friends.
Now, I am not quite content with where I live, and I like my friends but I need more as a lot of them are busy , so it probably stems from that in some way but there’s something else to it.
For instance on the tail end of my relationship with my ex, I started to feel like this strange urge to like dissolve myself and just live in her life, her world her friends her location. It’s a way of escaping my own burden of being a human and having to make choices and things I suppose. My dad was and still is a heavy codependent dude so I get it from him I’m sure.
And the weird thing is, I’ve learned a lot this year about myself and have found a new sense of peace and self esteem I think. Maybe I’m just craving love and affection but sometimes the thoughts that pair with it - wanting to “sink into someone “ - are quite twisted.
Who knows. Maybe these feelings are normal at this stage in my life. It just has been a large question mark for most of my life. Not to mention as well that after this breakup I’m questioning the idea of monogamy as a whole and wondering if something more open would suit me, but then when i start to crush on a girl I get conflicted.
Blah. All I know to do about it all is just take everything slow.
I'm not quite sure how to phrase this but ive been trying to be more present and in the moment day to day. And as wierd as it sounds I'm not sure if I'm doing it right. Mostly I just try to focus on what I'm doing or the task at hand but often feel like I'm just missing the mark somehow. Any advice to someone trying to get into the now? Also am I just putting too much effort into it and over thinking it?
In times of angst, it becomes hard to think, but hear me on this practical tip that may be beneficial to you and your practice.
Take a sheet of paper and write your worry or anxiety down. Next, draw a circle around it, then below it (put space between the 2) make a line for the ground. Then, give this anxiety/worry a head, what does it look like to you, does it make you feel warm inside? Maybe there are heat lines rippling off it, prehaps it makes you uneasy in the timmy, so its shape is very bumpy. Then, lets give this object some legs, BUT FIRST a simple rule, if you are to give this anxiety/worry a leg, then it MUST be a reason that this worry is grounded in reality, and not just a thought in your head. So if my worry is to fail an exam, and I studied many hours for said exam, I cannot give this object a leg, therefore it has no way to stand, and is not grounded in reality, it is a thought, not a reality!
Last night I took this new little trick to practice. Wear no socks or slippers in your house, and with every step, feel with your feet. Walk slowly, breathe deeply (dont get too caught up in how you breath, just be aware of the sensation), and feel the cold or warm floor, feel the wood, carpet, or tile... Did you step on a crumb? Did your step cause a floor board to creek? Amazing grounding exercise I am trying to use more and more now!
It feels like I am constantly bouncing from one thing to the next - I recently moved to a new state, started new jobs (two in the time I have been here), and now I feel like I want to return back home and quit my (very new) job. I feel so restless. My work is not fulfilling in any way - I feel stuck in customer service and am unsure how to pursue something that will be more fulfilling. I cry every day now. I am able to gather myself but this dreadful, heavy emotional state is getting to be too much. Just any advice on staying mindful and still in a moment in my life where I feel entirely out of control and unfulfilled would be helpful. Thank you.