I made friends with a woman because we each go to a weekly drop-in support group, and earlier she said in our group chat she has been admitted to an inpatient recovery centre. She struggles with anorexia, and I think recent bloods have come back and shown she is really deficient. What can I do to support her? I want to go and keep her company and try and bring her anything she needs, but I don’t know how those places work etc. Thanks for any advice :)
She initially thought she was eating too much since she was gaining weight, so she went to the other extreme, she acknowledges that she has some sort of ED, but is worried that she'll drop back to the gaining weight stage (I was with her at the time, and quite honestly, in no way was she visibly gaining weight, but I understand that from her viewpoint it probably was different).
I really wish there could be a way how I could help her. I feel like suggesting a professional help won't really be beneficial as she's not yet adult and her father is kind of a psycho, he'd probably go mad about it. I try to listen to her as much as I can, let her speak, not try to force anything on her, she opens quite a bit to me, which I appreciate, that she trusts me, I feel like now it's my part to do something. She keeps telling me that her lil sis gives her a chocolate as a prize for something, but she just won't eat it. What can I do, as a close friend of hers? Should I recommend a professional help even through all the stuff?
I feel utterly disappointed. I've tried food, its hard not to feel sick by it, even if they're on comfort foods. I just recently tried something like broccoli, and just couldn't bare it. It feels incredibly wrong to me, even when it was on a pizza.
My family makes me feel bad because I get a ton of anxiety when I'm told to eat something new. My mom flat out told me "well, I knew you probably won't try it, that's just how you are" right before I tried it. I felt so stupid when I tried, liked it, but still got sick.
Is there a way to get myself to calm down before eating something?
How do you stop thinking constantly about the calories in food? If i look at an apple I just think 60 calories, if I look at a cup of yogurt I think 120 calories. I'm constantly doing math in my head and constantly worried about my intake. I'm sure this is just a part of having disordered eating (I've never been diagnosed, but I've always been obsessive). Any tips on how to work through this and eventually move on would be amazing. Some things I'm trying and they're sort of working (except I still do the math) are mindful eating, and allowing myself to have treats because I do workout and know that I need to eat more.
For the past couple weeks, I (16F) have been restricting my diet to a low number of calories per day, far below the recommended number for someone my age. In that time, I’ve lost a significant amount of weight, but I am still in the "Normal" BMI range.
This is a “healthy” weight, I know, but I can’t stand my body. I feel fat and disgusting—that the only way “out” is through not eating/purging.
Normally, I’d talk to a doctor about this, but I’m scared I’m not sick enough. I don’t feel I deserve/need help.
That said, does this sound like an eating disorder to you? Should I be concerned?
Any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
So, I’ve never intentionally restricted, but reading everyone’s posts, it’s occurred to me that I’ve been unintentionally restricting (first time poster). I’m near the lower end of the normal range and never had a problem with being overweight. Highest weight was in the middle of the normal range, in collage, way long time ago (37F). Drink coffee til 2pm and maybe eat something by 4pm. I know how important a healthy diet is but don’t make the time. On average, my caloric intake much lower than recommended for someone my size. Once or twice a week I totally pig out on super healthy foods, and it feels absolutely marvelous. This may not be the right sub, but my quandary is how to increase my appetite...I absolutely know I need to eat more, I know what foods to eat, but I can’t seem to eat them. When I look in the mirror, I’m a bit scared at what I see, just shy of seeing bones. I’ve worked really hard to gain muscle, but I feel I am at a stand still since I can’t get my appetite to mesh...oh fuck...
I feel like this might get long, so if you make it to the end I thank you so much for reading. Eating disorders are dangerous and I don't feel like my fears are unfounded, but I also don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my family about this, especially my mom or my sister, so I'm just looking for some guidance. NOTE: If eating disorders trigger you, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER!!
My mom, I believe, has always struggled with disordered eating. From the time we were really little, and I'm talking 7 or 8 years old, she used to tell my sister and I about how she was fat and never fit in and starved herself in middle and high school to become popular. And it wasn't just an offhanded comment every once in a while, she often provided us a blow by blow of how she ate, say, two slices of turkey, a stick of celery, and a hard boiled egg every day for lunch when she was in 8th grade. Basically she gave her young impressionable daughters a blueprint for how to go about the day to day operations of anorexia.
That coupled with the constant "are you really going to have seconds?" she also always pitted us against each other in terms of size. Not uncommon for her to take us shopping and comment about how one of us was getting much chubbier than the other, one of us would stretch out the others' clothes, etc. Mostly it was me that got the brunt of being called "fat," although she would never come right out and say that. I've been reading a lot of the raisedbynarcissists sub and have come to identify that I was the scapegoat, my younger brother was the golden child, and my sister was just kind of there, so any attention she could get, she would. I don't blame her for jumping on the calling me fat bandwagon.
Not surprisingly, at around age 11 I developed anorexia, and this lasted until I was about age 20. Luckily I was never hospitalized or had to undergo inpatient treatment, it kind of just resolved on its own after I had been at college a while and my mom wasn't reminding me daily that I was fat. I am currently at a healthy BMI, maybe on the lower end, and I know that the way I think about and relate to food is fucked up. But I eat. And that's about what I can do. I'm in therapy, I've been in serious therapy for 3 years, I'm on medication, I do yoga and journaling and everything you're supposed to, it's just a hard road.
I was always envious of my sister, because despite our upbringing she always seemed to have a really healthy relationship with food. She was proud of the fact that she could eat a whole pizza by herself, or that no matter what my mom said, yes, she was going to have a milkshake just because she wanted one. Three years ago she found out she had severe hypoglycemia and that made me even more proud of her eating. She always had apple juice and almonds and a cliff bar in her purse.
My mom has always been susceptible to pseudoscience but it's gotten way worse in the past 5-6 years. In the past 2-3 she's become convinced that she's allergic to wheat, corn, sugar, and who even knows what else. She thinks she has celiac disease, but she SO does not. I ACTUALLY do-- positive test and everthing, and it's not something I would wish on anyone. So you can imagine my horror when she claims she has to throw out all her old pots and pans that have ever touched wheat, yet I meet up with her at a bar and I have to pry an Old Fashioned out of her hand.
SO. To the point. Last weekend I went home for my cousin's wedding and I passed my twin sister in the hotel lobby and point blank did not recognize her. She's lost so much weight. I was like wow, you're looking so different... she said, "Yeah, I'm on a new diet for health reasons, and now I'm a skinny legend." She could maybe have health reasons... I do have celiac, maybe she does too. Maybe the health reasons are mental health-- get my mom to stop bothering her about her weight. Honestly, I have no idea, and if I asked, she wouldn't give me a straight answer. She loves the way she looks, her instagram since is filled with pictures of her comparing herself to very skinny celebrities.
I recently moved two states over to be with my fiance, so I'm not around anymore. In some ways I feel it isn't my business, but in some ways I feel that if you think that way, you let your loved ones be at health risks. My sister loves all the one on one attention she gets from our mom, it could be something they're sharing, if it's an eating disorder masquerading as a "health-focused diet." My sister seems to love the way she looks so I don't think I would get any answer besides "I'm healthy."
I'm just kind of at a loss. Does anyone have any idea how I could approach either my sister or my mom? If I thought opening up to either about my struggles with an eating disorder would do anything I would try that, but they're pretty self-absorbed. Even my sister who I really love probably would not empathize with that. Anyone, any thoughts? At all?? Any help would be so appreciated.
tldr: After struggling with an eating disorder for most of my life because of my mom, I recently saw my sister looking very thin and am wondering if my mom is negatively influencing her. And if so, how do I help?
So I've been talking to a local ED clinic about getting treatment there, probably PHP or IOP. I am overweight, and i'm concerned about whether or not it's going to effect my treatment. More specifically I was wondering
1)has anyone here entered treatment while overweight? What was it like?
2)if you've been in treatment with an overweight person, what it was like for them/how were they treated?
The clinic reassured me that it's a common concern and i'll still feel like i belong, but I'm still worried.
After my ED relapse, after months of restriction, overexercise, unneeded weight loss and terribly unhealthy eating habits, I went to the dietitian one month ago. Despite the fact that I was underweight he gave me a "maintenance" meal plan, because he felt that a higher calorie meal plan would have been too scary and anxiety-provoking for me and I first needed to gradually go back at least to "normal" eating patterns (as in, stop skipping meals) and somewhat adequate portions. I agreed: at that time, eating that amount of food already felt overwhelming, despite the fact that I was also incredibly hungry. I wouldn't have been able to follow a weight gain plan.
During this month, though, I gradually felt freer and more relaxed around food; following the meal plan gradually stopped making me feel horribly fat and guilty (well, it didn't stop, but, you get it), and I very gradually started adding something here and there. Some more bread, some more cereals, some more meat. Really very little overall. I thought the dietitian would have been happy with that, seeing that I was starting to be able to leave the "safe crutch" of the meal plan, and make the jump beyond. Despite the fact that I was, and still am, experiencing huge anxiety, fear and guilt around food and my body appearance, I was challenging myself. I was pushing through. I was trying.
Yet today I went back to him with my food log and he told me I was eating too much. He said I wasn't following his meal plan and I needed to cut on carbs, especially breakfast cereals. He didn't even increase the calories of the meal plan, despite the fact that it's supposedly a maintenance plan and I supposedly need to gain weight. Which leads me to believe that either I am gaining weight on a maintenance plan, or I don't need to gain weight at all. Both prospects are incredibly depressing, because I still feel I am not eating what I truly want.
Therefore here I am, again feeling the urge to restrict and an oppressing feeling of shame and regret over the whole eating thing, but this time my ED thoughts seem even stronger than before because they have been somehow "validated" by an expert. While before I could teel to myself "this is the ED talking, it's not you, you have to challenge it", right now this doesn't seem to be the case.
I just feel the need to eat as little as possible and go back running my knees off. I don't know what to do.