I regret divorcing my ex husband. I am 33 years old. We have two kids. Our difficult marriage ended because I didn't boost his ego. He is a successful man and he wants hear that from me at the time. This was the biggest part of divorce. Successful man have education, carrier and prospects. He has it all and more. Total winner. He said my friends and their SO are losers. Well now... He is engaged to 24 yearold skinny blonde. My ex husband is 37 yearsold... Yes, she is 13 years younger than him. By the way, I am chubby. He is a chubby chaser. And my girlfriends and their SO fat too. I am sure his skinny blonde will be around to see my fat friends. I am mad to this life and beyond. I have nothing to show for. I am dating a loser. My boyfriend doesn't have carrier, style and confidence. My boyfriend has smoking habits and missing teeth. I didn't want my ex husband to control my life but I am with a loser now. My ex has a new car that his parents got and he sold his house to his brother to keep his assets. His parents have overseas business bank account he can take as much as money without working. He will pay me based on his U.S. Salary while he is getting big money to blow on anything. Sad thing is, his skinny blonde has masters degree and carrier. He can't have kids anymore due to vasectomy and skinny blonde is ok with this. Skinny blonde is enjoying unprotected sex while I use condoms with my loser boyfriend. I can't date a better guy. My girl friends dating or married to losers. These losers don't have house, teeth in their mouths and they are fat. My husband became better man for her. Question remains... Did I make a mistake about him? Better yet... How did he get her? More disturbing... How did she get a better guy out of same guy?I
It was a second date. It's been over 6 months since the split. It was just a casual thing. We were watching a movie and I was about 3/4 of a bottle of wine in. I just leaned in and kissed her and my body completely took over and we had this hot makeout session. But now sober me feels like I just moved way to quick. I don't think I'm ready to give myself like that yet. It's been a long time since I've gotten laid and my body wanted it, but I just don't think I'm ready. Does anyone else feel like their body is healing quicker than their mind/heart?
Even one as stupid as St. Patrick’s day? I can’t stop crying today. I keep thinking about the parade we always took our kids to or the years we’d take them to their grandparents and hit the pub with friends. On Valentine’s Day, I did just that. Alone.
How many holidays do you have to go through before it gets easier? Will I feel like this at Easter? Fourth of July? A year from now? No real answers, I know. Just having a rough day.
Wife very clearly would be better off pursuing her own things without ties to family drudgery. (I really want to say that's what she "really wants" but I generally try to avoid "X really wants Y" language due to gaslighting concerns and related concerns. But just to let you know where my head's at.)
I would like her to go. But her self-image is strongly tied to being a "good mom." I am trying to figure out how to sell this.
"I want you to be free. I want you to be able to do all these wonderful things you've been able to do. I want you to be free to come hug and care for the kids at will. I don't want you to feel like you're tied down to chores, to fights, to struggles with me or the kids. I have loved watching you come into your own, and you should be allowed to keep going."
None of the above is false, though there's considerable bittersweet resentment in me under the surface, which I have of course not expressed in the above.
She's been out and about, adventuring, travelling, learning to party basically, just basically learning how to be the freewheeling awesome chick she aspires to be. I genuinely do love that this is happening for her. But certain personality and logistical conflicts have made all of this cause problems for our home life and her relationship with the kids. I just want that all to be over. I want her out there, living her life, while I care for the kids and the household. And I really do want her to be free to flit in and out at will, that's totally fine with me. (It's practically what's already happening though she won't admit it.)
I'm just trying to figure out a way to sell this without it being completely "obvious" to her, so to speak, that I'm offering her freedom from motherhood. That would conflict with her self-image so severely the whole thing would backfire in the worst way.
There's the financial question. We both work. But I've worked it out and there's absolutely no need for financial contributions from her should this actually happen--becoming a single dad will lower our tax, student loan, and various other expenses enough that it will hardly even lower our standard of living given the numbers.
That could play a couple of ways. "You don't even need to feel obligated to spend your hard earned money on the house anymore" may be freeing, but it may buzz her "good-mom" sense, I'm not sure.
Perhaps mutual contribution to a college fund (which I've already included in my calculations for single-fatherhood anyway) would make her feel more responsible.
You guys don't know me or anything about her so it's silly that I'm even writing this, I know.
What kind of interpersonal and logistical problems are there? Well, there are simply constantly recurring patterns of behavior, on both our parts, involving both open and secretly held resentments and recriminations and disappointments over both current events and long-past events that left an emotional bad taste in our mouths. And there are a bunch of things she does, to be frank, which in the past I've kind of let slide, given the benefit of the doubt to, but for various reasons have really seemed to come to a head lately and through both conversation and counseling I've still found no way to really work through them in a way that doesn't make everyone feel terrible and me feel hopeless. Examples:
"You're messy, I'm clean." Proceeds to constantly tie me for messiest personal areas
"I do all the work." Proceeds to do less than a quarter of all the work being done.
"You need to invite me to things." Proceeds to refuse all invitations, and proceeds to unilaterally eliminate entire categories of possible invitation types. (We are down to restaurants, museums, and maybe sports practice)
"You should drive defensively." Proceeds to be frustrated at me for driving defensively.
"Everybody agrees with me." Proceeds not to care that half the people do not.
"You act like you're always right." Proceeds to constantly argue about unimportant details. (If I take the bait, I'm being argumentative. If I redirect to overarching issue, I'm being argumentative.)
"I don't know why you think X is important." Proceeds to have constantly brought it up, and to still constantly bring it up.
"Be nice to me about [a certain cognitive deficiency]." Proceeds not to be nice to me about any of my cognitive deficiencies. (In fact, speaks of them abusively when angry.)
"I carried you through 20 years." Proceeds to have been carried for 20 years. Maybe she carried me in a pragmatic sense, but I carried her in an emotional sense.
"It's so aggravating when our kid does X." Proceeds to do X on the regular.
"It's so aggravating whem my Mom does X." Proceeds to do X on the regular.
"You're being condescending." Proceeds to interpret everything as condescending. Also, proceeds to speak reliably condescendingly and contemptuously towards me.
"You go out too much and I'm afraid you're going to go out more." Proceeds to have always been, and to continue to be, going out provably, measurably, more than twice as often as me.
"Don't yell at me." Proceeds to already have been yelling at me.
I've been blowing up this subreddit the last few days, but needed some more advice from y'all. Now that I know my ex has been having an affair, I have thoughts of her with this other person. How did you overcome the almost maddening frequency of distracting thoughts like this?
So I’ve being married for about 6yrs we have 2 kids both still really young. Things just haven’t being the same anymore every argument just gets worse and worse. Every time we argue she says some really hurtful things and when she calms down she says it only because she was mad. I never truly believe that and feel like she wants to let go but is scared of doing so. I do too to some extent i have a feeling we both have being sticking around for the kids which has done them more harm them good considering the things they’ve had to see. I had to watch my son cry because his mom was being arrested after she went into this violent outburst destroying our apartment and trying to hurt me in the process. I’m not saying she’s not a good mother by any means. I had friends and family tell me I should get a divorce countless times. Every argument is the same things her saying how we should just end it, how she hates me, I’m a worthless piece of shit and many more things. I’m not like that and have never stooped that low as to insult her that way. Anytime I try to get upset at her she always pulls her depression card and how I don’t understand how it feels and she’s right I don’t but I do my best to be supportive. I’ve dealt with her abuse for so long, her anger and hate. I’ve being wanting to end it and I can tell she does too but when I somewhat mention it she turns it on me as if I’m the one who’s doing all this and I’m the one hurting this family. I think that’s what guilt trips me into staying every time. In a perfect I would like it to be a mutual agreement to avoid all the violence and verbal abuse that some with it not to say I wouldn’t hesitate in calling the police again. I want to do the right thing but I jus don’t know what is I’ve tried to talk to her peacefully but it always escalated really quickly. How do I just make her understand this is for the better. On a side note if I left her it’d mean I would be able to see my kids as much since I’d have to move back to my home state. Where we live at the current moment it’s all her family and friends and if we got divorced I wouldn’t have any support and have to move back. I’d love to fight for custody of the kids but I feel like she’d have a lot more help and I’d be a lot more difficult for me with work and stuff not to mention I’ll probably get screwed with child support.
Sorry for the grammar or if certain things don’t make much sense. Thank you for taking the time to read it
I finally filed. After the abuse and the cheating I received for years. After all the drunken rages. After all the nights alone with the kids. I finally got so mad he slept with someone who supposed to be my friend and my neighbor and I filed. He thought moving would fix the problem and tattooing my name on him would make me forgive him. But two weeks later he was trying to get with his baby momma and telling me to go eff myself again. He will be back apologizing for the millionth time. Meanwhile. I'm waiting for him to be served. So we can get this started. I just don't know how to not fall prey to his empty promises and fake apologies once he's left standing alone again. I took the first step. Out of anger.
My husband and I have just separated after 13 years, I will be the one filing for divorce . I am the one who initiated it I am officially done with his BS; past infidelity, secrecy, laziness, sitting at home on his ass not working. I've given him a couple of chances to stay in the past, although I probably shouldn't have. Neither of us can afford to move at this point so we are going to stick it out for a little bit in the same house. He's moved to another room. Yes this is awkward but it is what it is. Anyhow. ..of course we have so many close friends and I love his family so much. Nobody knows yet. Except a couple of my Co workers. How do you tell your friends? How do you tell your famillies? Has anyone stayed mutual with their exe's family?