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Reddit | Divorce by /u/musicguy1982 - 4h ago

My stbxw and I are still connected on Facebook and Instagram. I will stay friends with her on both of these, but I am thinking about unfollowing her. I get anxious sometimes when I see her posts or the events she is interested in, and I really want to let go and move on. The problem, we have kids together, and she posts a lot about the kids. I don't want to miss these moments of their lives, especially the pictures.

Any advice or things I should think about?

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Hey all, I'm new here. I've been divorced for a couple years and set to remarry in a few months!

Through my divorce, there were quite a few financial implications that resulting in my ex and I filing bankruptcy throughout the process.

I wrote an in depth story on this for Millennial Money Man earlier this month and thought that this community may benefit from hearing it since finances can be super tricky during a divorce.

https://millennialmoneyman.com/financial-advice-from-a-divorced-dad/

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I have the date for decree nisi in 2/3 weeks . I’m not sure what I need to do now . I need to do financial order and one for kids , can I do that now ? He refused to go to mediation, I have a form from them stating this . I haven’t got a solicitor as I can’t afford one , but I’m not sure how to do financial order with out one , does anyone know or have any advice ? It’s taken me over 2 year to get this far as he’s refused everything I’ve suggested for house sale , even just given all money from sale to kids .

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Hello y’all. I’m in a relationship with a married woman who is in an “open marriage”. I’m monogamous, but decided to have a fling with this woman, and I didn’t expect us to fall in love with each other. Her kids love me, but aren’t aware of polyamory. I say it’s an “open marriage” because the husband wants to be with other woman, but she doesn’t want to be with anyone other than me.

Her husband, it turns out, has been emotionally abusive and controlling of her for the passed 12 years. He is highly jealous of me because I’m a threat to this control. She does not feel comfortable with him at all and we have been trying to plan out how she can safely leave him so that we can be together in monogamy. He does not give her the love and support she needs, so before saying I’m the bad guy who is stealing her away, just know that this is entirely her decision. I’m just there to give her and her kids the support they need.

The advice I’m looking for is how we can get her away from him safely. He’s never hit her, but he has demonstrated violence by breaking things and slamming doors, so we are wary of him.

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Reddit | Divorce by /u/ihatemyhusband1429 - 4h ago

I filed for divorce 1 month ago. Husband refuses to work or apply for disability but somehow as the energy to spend hours hanging out with his friends. He does have chronic pain but he could at least take a few surveys or something to help out while I work 2-3 jobs to keep up barely afloat.

He had been verbally and physically abusive, yelling at me, waking me up to call be names, pushing me around twice. One day he told me he mailed a private old love letter to people and then slammed a door in my face. He barricaded himself in, I tried to open the door twice not knowing he was on the other side, it budged 1/4 an inch, I then realized what was happening, and then I walked away. He went and got a restraining order against me based on that. He said I hit him with a door (despite driving all over the neighborhood the day of) and that I was depriving him of his daughter (I put her in full time daycare after he threatened to get her placed in foster care and after he started pushing me around). But the order didn't force me to leave. It listed our daughter on the order so I couldn't leave with her, so I stayed in the home because I was not about to leave without her. During that time he regularly threatened me with jail time, threatened baseless CPS investigations against our daycare, forced me to stay in the home for no reason whatsoever, forced me to cancel our kid's playdates, would not let me use the bathroom at times, verbally berate me, tell me to go kill myself, that I'm going to die, etc. It was to the point that our 2 year old was saying she doesn't want to die. He used the order specifically to harm me. And after all that he didn't even show up to the hearing. The order was vacated. During the time he had the restraining order on me he asked me to still try to work it out.

My lawyer filed for exclusive possession of the house and he agreed to move by the start on August. He is under a court order to move. I'm agreeing to pay his rent for the year, knowing that sets me up for spousal support but he is going to be homeless if I don't help.

I'm filing for sole custody on the basis of him slapping our daughter across the face once, regularly needing my assistance to do any parenting beyond 8 straight hours (he would say it wears him down), his verbal and physical abuse, and our daughter's consistent refusal to let him do any care for her, despite him being a stay at home parent for 18 months. He tells her that her mommy doesn't love her, that mommy is going to hell, that her mommy made a mistake, etc. He does this until she cries. She regularly tells him to stop yelling.

He still lives here. It's harming our kid. I know it's only a little bit more, but he makes new threats every day. I'm offering to pay his rent and to pay our shared debts. I will not ask child support either unless he asks for more in support, which I'm sure he will. I will not be able to handle daycare, paying his student loan debt (that I cosigned on), and full spousal support. I couldn't afford it even if I lived in a studio with our kid. He spends most of his time yelling at me or talking about my jewish lawyer and how awful it is that I hired a jew and how he is a kike.

Anyone have any idea what the outcome of a case like this will be? I'm certain he is going to engage in ridiculous legal investigations. I'm sure he is going to order forensic psych testing on me, and we will on him if he seeks custody. I'm sure we will have a guardian ad litem. I'm sure I'm going to be stuck with support. He filed for disability yesterday (how convenient) so I'm not sure how that factors into support payments I'd owe. I will certainly continue to have to work 2-3 jobs to make payments.

What might custody look like here? He was a stay at home parent and then we put our kid in part time daycare for him to find work which he never did.

Would a judge take that into consideration that he is not certified disabled and that I need to work 65 hours a week to make these payments? I can't keep asking my lawyer questions. I'm using a credit card for the next retainer (the first retainer was mostly spent on the restraining order and calling a lot when he would threaten me with jail time, as well as the petition for the house. I have so much to say to this man and I really try to say as little as possible other than things about the rent or shared bills/assets but I'm so ready to just stay at a friend's house until he moves out.

submitted by /u/ihatemyhusband1429
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Right to it, my brother-in-law had an affair and just up and left his two-year-old son and my sister, his six-month pregnant wife, and quit paying any bills. When she contacted him telling him the power was about to be cut off and their son wouldn't have air conditioning, he came to the house, took his koi fish (!!!), the car, and then just left. He's only given her about 300 dollars since he left, and that was because his mom forced him to. Hell, the first time he gave her money he intentionally overdrew the account, so I had to pay 200 dollars just to get it even so she could get her name off the account.

He has made several non-physical threats to her: That he was going to take the children and never let her see them, that he wasn't going to give her any money ever and when she was broke and homeless he'd take the children, that he was going to throw her out of the house and make her live on the street, that he was going to convince the courts that she's mentally unfit and he'll get full custody, and several others. After the first time I heard he made these I went out and bought a few cameras and put them in the house, so we were able to get some of those on film. We also have a text message from him where he admits he just wants the children just so he has to pay less child support - even though he's only spent maybe two hours with his son since he left. The lawyer made it sound like the text message wasn't that important, it sounded like it should be. We can also prove he was having an affair for at least a month before he left because the idiot used my camera to take pictures of the two of them, and the pictures automatically go to my computer (it was for my sister to take pictures of my nephew for me.). I also know that he is paid under the table as a mechanic, so might be able to try to do something with tax evasion? I also know he has a newer car that he is intentionally keeping his name off the title so it won't be affected by the divorce. He accepted the car as payment for fixing a different car at his shop, and the manager (his older brother) let them sign it over to the shop instead of my BIL. We have a text where he admits it's his, and pictures of him driving it around, so that might be useful? I'd have to think hiding marital assets is a big no-no. And he also tried to sell my sisters car without telling her, making a deal behind her back and then getting angry and throwing the title in her face when she wouldn't sign it over to him. She has texts from him where he's just going off because she wouldn't sign the car over to him so he could sell it.

The jackass even tried to charge my sister for 'time invested' for the work he put into that car.

I'm paying her bills right now and making sure she has groceries, but I'm really unsure what to do here. All I want is to make sure he can't take the kids from her but we moved to Florida about three years ago for my job, and it's a No Fault state and I'm feeling really low reading their laws. I gave her money for a lawyer but the lawyer just told her to keep up communication, be Mother Theresa towards him, and try to get him to admit to as much stuff as possible.

I don't know what to do. I could really use some advice.

submitted by /u/Jambatlivesbaby
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Reddit | Divorce by /u/chiasm102 - 13h ago

Guys, it finally happened. She signed the papers after 8 long months. I can’t tell you how freeing it is that I am fully split from the terrible life that I lived with somebody I hated being with. The last year or so have been some of the hardest times I’ve had yet, but I have grown so much. I have broken out of the stagnant depression that had become my existence. At this point in my life I am happy, actually happy, for the first time in years. I have a job I adore, great friends, very good career prospects, and a girlfriend that I love. She challenges me, respects me, and has a mind, body, and soul I am attracted to. Sex feels natural and intimate. Why I stuck around as long as I did will always be a mystery to me. Pride? Fear of failure? It wasn’t love on either of our ends and such a relationship was bound to fail.

To all of you recently here, I just want to tell each of you that despite the pain, your situation will gradually improve. It will get easier until you realize you’re way better off than you were before, way happier than you were in a marriage to a person that wasn’t right for you. You will find love and happiness despite the darkness currently obscuring your vision. Thank you all in the forum for the counsel over these months and for listening to my story.

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Reddit | Divorce by /u/divorceddadyt - 13h ago

Hey Guys,

TL;DR - Should the wedding Ring/engagement ring be given back?

So, as I've said before.. An Amicable divorce is a misnomer in my opinion. It doesn't mean that you wont have long nights with fights, or emotions don't get raw..or you don't have flare ups or don't curse eachother.. It's just ultimately you try to work through things, talk them out, and ultimately come to an understanding.

The most recent flare up happened over the wedding/engagement ring. It's my opinion that my STBXW should be giving that back. It was given with a promise, a vow.. She didn't keep and ultimately we both agree isn't tenable. Our marriage has collapsed to nothing but a business proposition now and that was apart of the business transaction.

She thinks its jewelry and was a gift.

She states that since she gets 'all her jewelry' - that this is included. I state that it's a special exception..

I ultimately stated that if she wanted to go to arbitration for this (we didn't at this point since both got what we wanted).. then I'd be happy to see her there..

The more i think about it, the less worth fighting it is and I think she's of the same opinion ultimately. I think if I asked or pushed, she'd let me have it.

What are your thoughts? Was the ring a promisary agreement that once broken should be returned? I fully intend to give her my ring if she wants it..

Or, was it a gift once given that should be allowed to keep?

NOTE: Remove anger for your situation if you can, this is again - just opinions for an amicable situation.

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That finally made it real to me. It was a lot of money and I'm afraid for my future. For our future. I waited for the kids to fall asleep before I cried away the days mascara. I wish I had a benzo, I can't get to sleep.

We have been cooperating. The fights have stopped leaving nothing else but a quiet sadness between us. I can even feel it through text messages; an emptiness where once was life. Love. It's still there, but it wasn't enough. I didn't want to give this life to our children. My parents gave it to me, your parents gave it to you... But we were going to be different. We were going to be a family forever.

Staying at my mother's house is a special kind of hell. This is where we fell in love. This is where you'd pick me up. Our first date with yellow flowers. They are still here, dried and brittle, but existing in a dusty vase. Our wedding pictures hang on the wall. Our twenties playing out around me. The bedroom we painted together when you moved in. Our first time together. The first time we said I love you. And now I return here for the end of us. With our children. One a little boy who looks just like you.

Time and pain has ended our journey together. And I don't know what hurts more. That we are finally over after 15 years? Or that I am back where I started, but without you forever? I am so lost and I love you so much.

Please just try to remember the good in me.

Love, A

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