On Monday I'm planning on going on a 'diet' I say 'diet' because I don't know if it's going to work out properly. I've got the doctors on the 28th of this month to see what they can do to help me.(this will be the 5th time I've been to the doctors about BED) I've printed out a thing about BED. I'm not trying to self-diagnose myself here, but I clearly have a problem with food. I've gained 6 stone (84 lbs) in three years. That's not normal at all and I'm at the heaviest I've ever been.
From what I've noticed, on days that I don't have a big binge, I lose about 2 lbs a day. 2 lbs x 7 days = 14 lbs a week. So I calculated I could lose a stone in one week if I didn't binge in a week. That's quite a lot of weight to lose in one week, but then again, being at the size I am it's hardly surprising. But I can't help but think this sounds a bit unhealthy.
I managed to diet 3 years ago and lose 4 stone. I had so much will power back then! It was hard to say no to junk food at first, but then it got a lot easier. A few weeks before my holiday, I pretty much starved myself and only ate 3 small meals a day and lost a lot of weight and went to the gym too. I was so scared of embarrassing myself at the theme park by not fitting in the rides. To my surprise, I had A LOT of room on the rides. Looks like barely eating paid itself off! But now, I don't have that much will power. I suffer from other mental health issues too, so that doesn't help me at all. But this can't keep going on. Me gaining more weight = more depression. My depression is only going to get worse and worse if I keep gaining weight.
So what I'm asking from all of the people of have had successful days/weeks/months without bingeing is how do you do it?
*Trigger warning! Please skip to tl;dr if descriptions of restricting behaviors are triggering!
I have no idea why, but my brain has almost completely stopped craving sweets / fried food. It used to be so bad - I would spend all day thinking about my next binge / meal. Food was the thing I looked forward to.
I am still very concerned about my weight, and now if I feel like I ate “too much” (even if it’s not a binge) in one meal, I will feel very guilty. I also now hate when I feel full. This puzzles me, because for the past 2 years I’ve had great difficulty in eating very little. Now, I can go many hours without eating and denying myself food if I don’t see it as “healthy” or “good.” However, I can still eat small amounts of sweets and “bad” food. I will take a cookie and eat 1/4 of it and stop because I feel full. A few months ago, this would have been unthinkable. I would have been thinking about the cookie obsessively until I’d ate all of it.
The only change I made was drinking more green tea and avoiding eating a lot of sweets. I also eat VERY healthy (lots of berries, vegetables, yogurt). Maybe my body has gotten used to the lack of sugar? Maybe I’m finally eating like a normal person? Is this just another manifestation of an eating disorder?
I don’t know what made me change. I was on a kayaking trip where I ate very little and did a lot of rowing. I’d hoped to lose weight, but I was extremely disappointed to find out I had maintained. After that, I began to eat very little and watched what I ate more closely. In all honestly, I don't want this to change. I'm more afraid of going back to binging. I don't know what to do to prevent that from happening.
Tl;dr used to binge a lot on sweets. Started drinking green tea and eating more healthy and urges to binge have stopped. Still am anxious about weight. Feel like I restrict my intake sometimes and am making up food “rules” to follow. Is this normal? Thanks
I made it super far and have since realized most of my triggers. Today was stressful due to relationship stuff and honestly, binging after dealing with this stuff isn’t abnormal. I’m also pretty proud of the fact I don’t feel guilty about it. Idk, it somehow even feels like progress.
I just moved in with family members, because my living situation was terrible and they wanted to help me out. I rely on a monthly check for money, so I have little to spend every month on necessities/food/bills. They, on the other hand, are doing very well. The issue is when I first moved in, I wasn't told I needed to supply my own food. I was eating a shared dinner with everyone and it was way under calories compared to how I used to eat, but I was trying to make do, because I need to lose weight and in my old place I pretty much just binge ate at every possible circumstance. It was almost all I did. Anyway, within the last two weeks or so, the shared meals have mostly disappeared, and now I'm going 1-2 days without eating at a time. I'm feeling shitty and have more chores to keep up with than I did before, so although there's not a huge amount of activity in my day. There's more than I'm used to. At one point, I took some food out of the freezer, and was scolded for eating it, because it's expensive, so I will need to pay that back. This was before the shared meals mostly stopped, so I wonder if it might have made them mad, or something, but even with the dinners, I was averaging 400-800 calories a day depending on what was given to me. Next month I will splurge and buy my own groceries, but it wasn't mentioned before, so I'm just confused, and I'm too embarrassed to seem like I need food to ask. Sorry, if it was rambly. I'm really uncomfortable, but they've already done so much for me, taking me across states, and letting me carry as much of my things the u-haul they rented would allow. Plus, the rooms are so much nicer than what I had and I even got to take my pets. I don't want something as trivial as food to screw this up, but I'm so irritable and uncomfortable. the other night, I waited in tears to see if anybody would offer me dinner (their dinners are very late at night, almost midnight sometimes, and they eat snacks and lunches during the day, which are not offered to me, either), but they didn't.
Edit to add: For a few nights, I was eating frozen burritos made in the microwave, because it was all I could afford with what was left. I have a habit of spending my money really quickly when I get it (just like I have a habit of eating whatever I buy quickly as well). I used to be on snap, but since I am not paying utilities here, I don't think I would qualify anymore.
Usually my binging is pretty obvious to me, I’ve gone into this “I don’t give a fuck” headspace and eaten until I feel sick without regard to calories, health, my goals or my weight. Then I wait til that feeling subsides a bit and eat again until I’m back at feeling sick. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Then when this stops I’ll feel disgusted with myself, shame, out of control, anxiety, self loathing, desperate ... we all know how it goes.
After reading this sub over the past week or so I finally decided that I wouldn’t try to lose weight, or expect to lose weight. I’d try to get to a place where I’m not binging anymore. Today is day 4 (I think). I’m not sure if last night I binged?
I came home after going out for dinner and I noticed that I wanted to binge. I thought no I won’t bring this food into my bedroom and believe I can just eat a bit. So I portioned out 25g of each of the two types of chocolate I wanted, and took a 30g chocolate bar and ate that. I noticed I wasn’t hungry when I was eating it, and that I did feel a bit sick after, but it wasn’t that same frenzied out of control eating. (That’s about 3oz of chocolate for the Americans). I felt proud that I had managed to not go crazy and just had a medium size indulgence.
This morning I woke up with an urge to binge and noticed it, but also noticed that I was feeling shitty about my eating last night, and felt like it had been binging, and was beating myself up a bit. Where do you draw the line?