I’m 5’11” I weigh 120. Some nights I just can’t eat and then other nights I feast to a point where I begin to cry because of the pain my stomach is in due to the expansion. Then my kidneys get sore along with excess gas. Last night was the worst. I ate my normal breakfast (4 eggs and some fruit) then had dinner around 5. I completely binged and it’s always on dairy or carbs like rice and bread. I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t stand the pain that I get due to the fact that I can’t stop eating. Why is this happening please help me. I never eat chocolate or anything sugar related but yesterday I ate everything that was in my way. The next day I can’t eat anything and feel like trash, then I bundle again and suffer the following day. Please help me I’ve gone to the doctors and they say to eat small meals but that’s the problem, I won’t be hungry at all but then once I start to eat is like my body cry’s for food as I feel super hungry all of a sudden
Today was Day 8 without a binge, but I broke my streak tonight. I am unhappy, nauseous, and bloated. It wasn't a crazy binge, like when I used to eat entire big bags of cheddar popcorn, but I ordered and ate most of a dinner I didn't need (I had already eaten). I should have had a protein bar, not pad thai and a scallion pancake.
Maybe it was caused by weighing myself? Maybe not. I knew I had gained weight again, but I didn't have the courage to weigh myself for several weeks. January was a really rough month for me. My grandma passed away and my boyfriend and I fought a lot and almost broke up multiple times. This morning, I finally felt brave enough to step on the scale. I've gained 10 pounds since December. This is my all-time highest weight, and I feel like I'm in free fall. I know I had 8 days binge free before this, but 8 days doesn't do anything. I need more like 8 months binge free to actually lose any weight don't I?
I just feel so discouraged. I feel like I'm eventually going to develop diabetes and die of a weight-related illness when I'm 40 (I'm 29). I can't stop the weight gain. I had slowed it down, I hadn't gained any weight at all in 2017, but the last 2 years before that I gained 20 pounds in each year. It's the end of February and I've already gained 10. What am I going to do? Can my therapist medicate me? Should I try Weight Watchers? Should I try a stupid cleanse diet where I don't eat any solid food? What am I going to do? I've been trying for years to learn to deal with stress and my emotions with things other and food and I'm an abject failure.
Just wanted to vent and maybe get some support if anyone had anything for me. Thanks!
Sorry for the length. I just had to scream my recent realization into the void. I realized that I have BED two days ago. I joked to a friend last month that I had lost a tiny bit of weight because "I stopped binge eating every night." Yeah, that lasted a hot minute and that weight is right back on. I guess the truth of that comment has been rolling around in my brain since. I don't know why but I started researching BED and had a major oh crap moment. Just because I binge on food from Whole Foods and expensive chocolate instead of "cheap" junk food doesn't mean that it's not a binge. Just because I don't eat 10,000 calories in an hour doesn't mean it's not a binge. Just because I don't want to vomit after doesn't mean it's not a binge. I think I never considered my behavior as a binge because I had unconsciously constructed these stereotypes of what a binge is, or the physical sensations a person feels, or what kinds of food consist a binge. All of these stereotypes of course, I never met, therefore I wasn’t a binge eater. I never considered eating a large bag of Cape Cod salt and vinegar potato chips past the point where my mouth hurts and I feel exhausted and nauseous then have half a box of cookies (to balance out the salt - I mean really WTF) as a binge because I don't vomit or have the desire to vomit, I just feel "sick" (nauseous, headachy, exhausted). I'll eat 3000 to 5000 calories in a day, but it's not a binge because I'm not eating it all at once. I'll eat toast with Nutella and fruit and some chocolate at 1 am in bed, even though I'm not hungry and go in the bathroom and see that I have Nutella on my neck because I've been eating lying down and spilled on myself. But it's not a binge because it was only like 400 or 500 calories max. Even if I already ate 3000 that day. It’s such a shitty self-protective mechanism to protect myself from the shame of realizing that I have a binge eating problem by creating these stereotypes that I don’t meet and thus can say I don’t have this problem. Instead I feel shame because I “don’t have any willpower” or am a “pig” or something else that expresses a feeling that there is something wrong with me as a person which is somehow better than the shame of acknowledging that I am experiencing this disorder (spoiler alert – it’s not). But if I’m really being honest with myself, I think about food almost every waking minute. I have the constant desire to eat large amounts of food that is inappropriate to my health needs. If I want a particular item, I have to have it. I eat highly palatable foods past the point of fullness every time. I feel like I black out sometimes when I eat – I’m unconsciously hand to mouthing food without experiencing eating it. I eat when people aren’t around because I don’t want them to know how much I’m eating or what I’m eating. I’ll go for the day without eating so that I can eat an entire day’s worth of meals at 11pm in the privacy of my apartment. Now that I have acknowledged it to myself, I don’t feel any shame that I have “labeled” myself as someone with BED. I just feel relief because there are resources and support out there and other people who are going through the same thing, but there is nothing intrinsically wrong with them as a person and so I am probably okay too.
I started binge eating when I was 12. It started off with secret eating once a week, but gradually when I started high school (13-14) I began stealing money from my mum to buy food after school. It got to the point where I was binging most days. I wasn’t my cheerful self and my family started to notice. I started seeing a councillor but I never told them about my eating. When my parents noticed that some money was taken they asked me and my siblings if we had taken it. Everyone said no. They let it go but when my Mum found food in my room she knew who took it. Basically my parents shamed me for taking the money which already made me feel like crap but because I continued to feel bad, I continued to binge. I still feel like a horrible person for stealing things from my parents but I was possessed by the computation to eat. Now I’m calorie counting /restricting and losing weight. I conscious that my binge eating may be triggered by the restricting but I can’t imagine not counting my Cals.
I've finally gotten to the stage in my recovery where I can comfortably have trigger foods in the house. One of my main trigger foods was always these family-sized spinach and feta pull-aparts from my local bakery. The combination of cheese, butter, white bread, and the sheer size of them was more often than not the beginning of a binge for me. I bought one the other day. I had some for lunch then put it back in the cupboard. I had some for dinner then put it back in the cupboard. Today I found the rest of it and it was too stale to eat so I threw it away without hesitation. In the past I would've devoured the whole thing in 10 minutes flat, and then begin wondering what else I could eat. I still can't believe that food no longer has the same power over me that it used to.
Ladies, a question for you. Ever since I started restricting heavily back in summer, my period has given me quite a few surprises. It will come once a month a few times, then disappear for a while, then come back again, then disappear for another few months. And I’m not even anorexic or anything, my weight has been pretty stable (fluctuating, but overall stable) for the last 6 months. During this time I’ve also been stuck in an annoying “heavily restrict/binge” cycle, hence why my weight hasn’t changed, but sometimes I don’t restrict and just binge for two weeks straight, lol. My last period was in December of 2017. My BMI is normal. Anyone facing similar issues? I’m just curious to see if this could be the reason for irregular periods.
Edit: also, intermittent fasting. Perhaps that could also play a role here? Some days I just eat from 3 PM to 6 PM haha.