Do not despise death, but be well content with it, since this too is one of those things which nature wills. For such it is, to be and to grow ild, to increase and to reach maturity, and to experience all the other natural operations which the seasons of thy life bring, such also is dissolution.
So I turned 54 recently and for the first time and starting to both feel my age physically and have a sense of it psychologically. I have a collection of complaints pretty typical to people my age--tendonitis in my feet, calcific tendonitis in my shoulder, some torn something or other around my sternum from doing too many push-ups--and I'm in pain nearly all the time to some or other extent. It's occurred to me, in any case, that from this point on, this is how it's going to be. Injuries, pain and slow recovery. So whereas I went through a period of a few weeks where I stopped working out to give my body time to recover, I then started exercising again (carefully, mind you) because, as I say, I am, with some indignation, accepting that I am an older person who must either play injured and deal with the pain, or not play at all. Have you all gone through this and what insights or experiences have you had?
However - the thought has come accross my mind that in 4 months I will be 31....and eventually I will be 40, then 50, then 60.....and so on...and one day be dead and rot in the ground for eternity scared as hell during the final moments of life.
That being said that though process has pushed me into a few extremes.
1) I started putting myself first - almost becoming apathetic to other peoples problems, not sure if that is horrible or bad...but to put it bluntly - I am putting myself first for everything, and I don't care if others hate me for it. I was not put on earth to listen to other people's drama. I am on this earth for so long - I want to enjoy what little time I have, and other peoples problems are just not worth getting involved in - I want 'my time' spent on me!
2) I started to 'try' and turn back the clock...a bit: - I went from 260 lbs to 176 lbs in the course of 8 months on keto - .... for one reason: to get my health back, I took it for granted. It wasn't uncommon for me to go to burgerking every wednesday on whopper wednesday and get 4 whoppers, onion rings, and a coke and finish the week off with an extra large pizza. Most of my early 20's were in the middle of the road 180 to 200....as I got older I realized "Wow...I have a problem - at this rate I could easily get to 300 and beyond."
I also went to the dentist for the first time in 5 years after seeing cavaties appear (3 in literally 2 weeks!!), I was nervous as hell after taking x-rays of my teeth - my number one thought was "he's gonna come back and say you need dentures" - luckily all is well he said my teeth are strong, enammel is good, and teeth are packed tight in your mouth - just have to fix a minor cavity that is starting to form. With that "do or die fear" I literally changed from brushing my teeth to when I felt like it to 2 times a day, floss once a day, and mouthwash everyday.
I started to exercise more often and take better care of my health - I smoked for years, drank alot of alcohol, and did some 'other' things I am not to proud of - the most stupid being having sex with a stripper at 21 just to kill the curiosity of sex - which amounted to "huh, this is what it feels like, it feels so good I might...uh oh" - and I ended the act immediately...well...my body made the decision for me....for 8 years I put myself through hell - thinking "You got herpasipholousaids type 4000".....I decided finally at 29 to get a full panel std test - I came back negative across the board - thankfully. From that moment on I decided if I ever had a sexual encounter again - I would have us both tested before anything, if it ends the relationship so be it. I'd rather be safe than sorry. I also started to run and lift weights on a every 4 days routine in the week.
3) Looking back on my life I realize I did alot of stupid stuff, I snuck out of my parents home to go party in my early 20's - thinking I 'tricked' them...looking back on it now I am sure they did the same exact thing and new exactly what I was doing. With each passing year in my 20's I thought I knew everything, only to be proven wrong...now at 30 I have the mindset of "Well...I am sure I will learn 'x' is wrong as well"
Has anyone come to these life lessons? How do you deal with how fickle life is - and know inevitably you will cease to exist one day?