Love Systems - First Date Advice, Relationship Tips For Men
Tips from dating experts to make your first date successful. Remember these tips to handle your relationships with your girlfriends perfectly. Love Systems is the original and largest dating resource for men. Our dating coaches from around the world help men succeed with women, naturally.
We're going to start this article off with a disclaimer: Facebook is minor, not even being necessary in the context of dating. Don’t be one of those guys who pay more attention to his Facebook profile than to going out and learning real social skills. Facebook is a branch on the social tree, not the tree’s trunk.
Here's a list of ways that you can maximize your FB profile for dating. Written by a leading professional in the dating advice world: Nick Hoss.
I use Facebook as a grounding tool. Any woman I’m adding to Facebook is a woman whose number I already have. Pissing around for weeks trying to convert a girl over Facebook chat is a waste of time for me, and I’d rather use that time to hit the streets or the club to practice real social skills.
My goals are to provide evidence and re-enforcement that I am the cool guy she met in the bar and to give her a little insight into my life outside of what I told her. After all, whatever I am posting on Facebook to 1000 of my closest friends can’t slip through the cracks of truth, right? Or at least that’s how she’ll rationalize what she sees on my profile in her mind.
As a rule, I’m not trying to build “active” attraction. If I didn’t do a good enough job in the bar or on the street, it’s not worth pursuing to me because it will take a lot of effort. (Apply the 80/20 rule.) I’d rather go on a date, work on my business or meet other women. If you’re running around the bar getting four flakey numbers each night and 10 female Facebook friends, you need to work on improving your game. Any additional attraction I’m building over Facebook is passive, and this ready-made attraction has been built through real life friendships and years of gaining comments on photos, etc.
The caveats to this rule (80/20 again) are hired guns and women you meet through social circle. I’ve went out with a couple of servers from establishments I frequent by adding them to Facebook or inviting them to a party or group event. (This is basic social circle mastery.) Sometimes it’s over chat, but most times I’ll just get their number once they are on my friend list and invite them out through regular channels. The key to note is that my value has been built up beforehand, in-person. I’m already a real-life friend and I will see them again, unlike in cold approach. The Facebook request is just a receipt of friendship.
I used this strategy a bit in college with girls from class. Often, I’d befriend girls, add them on Facebook, then see them in the bar. This made me familiar when I’d run into them again. By my senior year, I would always know at least five girls in the bar. (This become important for building pre-selection and social proof with 9s and 10s.)
Again, I don’t use Facebook to work weak closes. Some guys do, but it’s not worth the effort to me. I also don’t message random girls or use online dating for the same reason.
*The most important profile features are your photos, status updates and wall. Everything else is auxiliary and provides minimal returns for your effort.
I like to have total control over my photos for a couple of reasons:
- I want to put out the best image possible. - I don’t want my certain contacts seeing me in an unfavorable light
Most important are profile photos—I like to have a damn good profile picture, one that shows me looking my best. This acts like a digital thin slice when she adds me. If she has time for nothing else other than to click “add as friend,” she will at least see my profile picture. None of these tips help if she doesn’t accept my request in the first place.
For the longest time, my only visible photos were my profile pictures. I keep about a dozen of them, and they are all nearly flawless. I have a couple of me posing, a couple of me casual, but the others are of me doing activities I love to do, at special events, and with family, not just headshots.
I have a couple pictures of me with girls, NOT 100 of me in a nightclub with shooter girls, bachelorette parties and other random club rats. If you’re a guy who normally has girls hanging off of him, you’ll understand that discretion is key. You’ll see no need to flaunt your ways because it is a typical occurrence for you. Flaunting means you’re a party guy/player or you’re try-hard, at least in her mature eyes.
Perhaps more importantly, if I was a girl who got swept off her feet at the bar, I would not want to see that you’re a guy who does it every weekend with every girl, or that your are constantly at the bar (which is not the most attractive thing you can show on Facebook). It cheapens the feeling for the typical woman. In the cruel terms of pure status, as a high value man, I won’t be putting pictures of me with strangers as profile pictures.
The key with profile pictures is to get (positive) comments from people, preferably women. Figure out what gets you legitimate comments. As an example, a number of instructors have photos of them giving presentation or speaking to large audiences. This gets a lot of ‘likes’ from former students and a lot of “Wow, lookin’ really professional up there mister ” from female friends. I won’t lie though: you’ll get way more contacts when you have real value and real friends and female friends who are interested in you. You’re pictures alone won’t be the absolute reason for comments.
Photo albums are up to you. I would only make visible ones of pictures you have taken. I have one of a party I’ve thrown. Again, the conundrum is do you want your boss seeing what you do behind the scenes? Be wise in choosing your photos. Some shenanigans may be hilarious to you, but not to a woman you’ve cold approached.
I do not allow any tagged photos of me to immediately go up for public display. Again, I don’t need 1000 pictures of me in nightclubs and honkey tonks around the country in my profile. People have a tendency to upload whole albums of photos at once and they will not discriminate on the quality of what you look like. If I look like a baller in all of my profile pictures but I’m out of focus and in the background of one with bbq sauce on my chin at wing night, it will kill my credibility (and if the photo doesn’t, my buddy’s chirps in the comments section will!)
I’ve found the most successful way to have good status updates is to be doing cool shit, no wit required. There is no secret to it. If you sit home surfing porn every night, you won’t have much to type about (and you probably shouldn’t be touching your keyboard).
The best status updates are having other people tagging you doing cool stuff.
-Doing cool stuff that a woman could be a part of -Out with other women already -Have a life
You also gain virtual social proof by people liking your update. When you check-in at Studio 54 with Chris, Derek and Jen, other friends who have been to Studio 54 are liable to ‘like’ your check-in. In actuality, they like Studio 54 and the memory of the last time they were there, but it appears as though they ‘like’ you. Sometimes friends will even leave comments. They get to relive their memories for a brief second in your glow, and you get the social proof as a result of their action. Win-win.
The second best type of update is posting something you see on-the-fly while going about your (seemingly or) typically awesome life. “It never ceases to amaze me how Times Square will be packed at 3 a.m. I love this city.” You can also post cool wall photos on-the-fly as well. If you don’t have a smart phone to do this, you’re a dummy. Get one.
The third best type of updates is accomplishments or things you are excited about. Use these tactfully and sparingly. “So excited for the weekend, going to drink my face off with my cool, cool friends” does not work. “Looks like I’m going to land the impossible client after all. Year-end bonus, here I come,” does.
Apps can do your dirty work. I find a great app for this is Tripit, which publishes where you are travelling (and privately organizes your travel plans). If you travel a lot, which I do as an instructor, you won’t get much cred out of posting a status update such as “Gone to L.A. for the weekend. Party, party,” when you go to a different city a couple times each month. However, when an app such as Tripit says, “Nick is planning a trip to L.A.” it’s not you posting; it’s the app. However, you still bank the value from it. It’s like cheating the system. Sign up for things using your Facebook account. If you use Meetup.com and sign-in to it with your Facebook account, you are able to automatically posts Meetups you will attend… just make sure they aren’t for Dungeons and Dragons Club.
The worst updates you can write are negative, whiney, complaining updates. That’s for teenage girls who just got dumped and grown-up boys who get pushed around by the world. If you have a problem, solve it on your own. You’re just looking for attention and a roundabout form of validation if you post it on Facebook.
That being said, every once in a while a “In bed, sick, in need of a cuddle and soup” won’t hurt. “Working late tonight before a BIG weekend with the crew. You bring down the beer, I’ll help you drink it” can be alright too. (For you English majors out there—notice how these updates have an element of insider intention to them. Your distant friend or newly added woman can understand what you’re doing (“working late”), but she only gets a clue as to the cool part (“a BIG weekend”). Let her fill in the blanks.)
Lastly, sometimes no update is better than a blasé update. If you’ve been working your ass off 12 hours a day for a week and haven’t been able to do anything outside of work, let it ride. You don’t need to give daily updates to your life, but when something pertinent pops up 2 - 3 times per week you can cut a pretty smooth thin slice.
This is where you get the most value for your effort.
You want new women you add to see what is going on in your life, so make your “added as a friend” appear in your feed. (If “what is going on” means adding another woman as a friend, that’s pretty convenient for her to see.) Also, have your comments on other’s status, photos, etc. show up as long as you’re writing attractive stuff. (Remember, you can always delete what appears in your feed with one click.)
This is why I suggest you don’t add 10 new women to your friend list every time you go out. It’s not that you’ll look like a man-whore or a cool guy, but you cheapen the ‘add’ to the woman you’re legitimately interested in because from her angle she’s just one of another 10, even if she was the only one you’re interested in. Again, you’re shooting to confirm what you showed her in person. Adding 10 new women doesn’t do much more than adding two new, attractive women.
Always ask yourself two questions before commenting:
-How does this add value to my image? -Am I being genuine and funny, or try-hard and clever?
Don’t be afraid to add her as a friend after solid rapport is established over text/phone. If a girl is really into you or has went on a couple dates with you she may add you, which is a good sign—she’s interested—she wants to find more good things about you. Don’t expect her to add you though. You’re not losing any value by adding her.
Also, you can bet if she is the least bit interested she’ll at least creep your profile. Make it a solid source to be spied upon.
I don’t display this. It’s not a big deal when you’re not dating anybody, but you could really fuck yourself over when you are seeing a couple of women at once and one wants you to commit. Does it build intrigue? I don’t have time to worry about that; she knows I’m interested in her. That’s why I added her.
If you label yourself “single,” you’re not hurting yourself, but if you date a girl long enough, she may ask you to change your status. I don’t like inviting this. Plus, being single is inherently un-pre-selective on the surface.
I don’t know anybody who uses “In an Open Relationship” and I don’t know a woman who would publicly agree to it anyway. Why they even have this option is beyond me.
If you are “In a relationship,” don’t do anything stupid (in the first place) that could get you in trouble.
As an interesting note, studies have shown that couples who add each other on Facebook have an increased suspicion of their partners if they are Facebook friends.
If you are proud of what you do and it’s a high value profession, list it, absolutely. If not, leave it alone. I’d say this is more important for older guys than younger guys because your value ties into your career more.
If you are an entrepreneur, make sure to link to your website at the bottom.
Listen up college guys. Go to your privacy settings and let everybody who is in your network (i.e. your school) be able to find you, and, if you are comfortable with it, allow them to look through your profile pictures. You must let them see your friends. This is how you’ll get girls adding you to their friend lists.
The only downside to this is if a new girl you add is friends with a girl who doesn’t think too favorably of your and this unfavorable girl talks you down. However, this dilemma can be eliminated by not being a douchebag with the girls you hook up with after the fact. I’ve never had this problem and you shouldn’t either.
Display yours. This is how you’ll get women who are friends of friends adding you.
The number of friends you have doesn’t matter too much, just have more than 300.
Events are useful if you’re hosting a party and want to provide a little proof that it will be good by posting pictures of your last one. Get a couple of your close girl friends, sisters/cousins to click ‘yes’ even if they aren’t coming. Girls who are on the fence want social proof and will be more apt to attend if other girls are. It’s just like the overarching idea of this article: you’re confirming your original cool image.
However, Facebook events really lost its cache when every promoter and bar started spamming everybody. I really don’t take events too seriously nowadays.
An old trick I liked to use was writing on a female friend’s wall with hook question or statement (almost like stuff you’d use in text game) to get her to write back on my wall. Never hurts to have a beautiful woman writing playful notes at the top of your wall when you add a new woman. However, when Zuckerberg allowed people to comment on wall posts, it killed this quite a bit. At the least, if a new add is really interested in you, she can see that you have contact with another woman—hopefully beautiful—by making your “posted on somebody’s wall” appear on your wall.
You can tag people in posts now, so use that to your advantage. Tags will show up in another person’s feed, but they can only comment in the feed of the poster. Solid updates with tags will often get comments. Sometimes I post videos or songs from YouTube with a comment tagging somebody.
For the sake of social circle building, it’s not a bad idea to ‘like’ somebody’s posts every once in a while. It’s validating for the poster. Don’t play the “too cool for school” game thinking you’re qualifying yourself to somebody; that shit works in the bar, not when you’re trying to solidify real-world connections. Comments do the same thing.
Don’t Worry About
-Interests -Books, TV Shows, Movies -Notes
Compared to status updates, they don’t do a lot for you.
Love Systems is famous for teaching men how to pick up women at bars and clubs. Or at restaurants and coffee shops (aka “Day Game”). Or through friends, acquaintances, and coworkers (aka “Social Circle Game”).
But one question which was never answered until recently was – does the same Love Systems approach work for online dating? A little while ago, I asked Derek Cajun, Love Systems CEO and top instructor, to put Love Systems to the test online. Cajun was the natural choice for this, since he’s one of the most experienced Love Systems instructors.
By the way, you might remember Cajun from the Keys to the VIP reality TV show that uses hidden cameras to test men’s pick up skills. Cajun won!
To make a long story short, Derek Cajun spent a full year testing and tweaking the Love Systems approach online. If anything, the Love Systems methodology worked even better online than in-person. On the other hand, there are a few adjustments you need to make to meet women online. Derek Cajun collected all of these experiences into his ultimate “how-to” guide for meeting women online, called The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating.
Here are a couple of lessons from the book:
Insight #1: The photos you use online matter a lot – but not how you think.
Most people think of pictures they look good in, or don’t look good in. That’s important of course – you want to show yourself in (literally) the best possible light – but that’s only part of what’s going on. Just as importantly, your pictures should tell a story about you.
Few women are going to read a 3000 word dating profile (and you will seem desperate, try-hard, and lacking social intelligence if you write that much), but most women will happily look at a dozen or so pictures. Don’t just tell her about your good qualities; show her. If you’re an outdoorsy guy, include a picture of you on a hiking trail. If you’re a sharp-dressed lawyer, include a picture that represents you as such.
Don’t include any bathroom selfies – they imply that you don’t have friends. In fact, make sure that some of your pictures are with friends, ideally cool-looking friends. Don’t have a million pictures of yourself with different women – that will just come off as insecure – but show that you have a social life that she might like to be part of.
Insight #2: Act like you don’t care
It’s an unfortunate truism that the person who cares the least is the one who has all the power. (Remember the last time you were really into a girl who was unsure about you, or vice versa)
This applies on a macro level to the dating sites themselves. Most attractive women don’t want a guy who seems to be taking online dating way too seriously. Amuse yourself. Goof around a bit. Give the impression that you came onto the site for the heck of it and because “why not?” That said, don’t come across as judgmental or like there’s something wrong with being on a dating site.
(Yes, this can absolutely be a double standard – she could have a very detailed and nicely-formatted profile and still be turned off that you’re ‘trying too hard’. Double standards exist in dating and some will benefit you as a man and some will hurt you.)
At bars and clubs, we’ll often say something to a woman like “wow, I just came out tonight with my buddies for a couple drinks and to catch up; I didn’t think I’d meet someone this cool at a bar.” If you’ve adopted the right attitude, as per the above, then you can do something similar on a dating site, e.g.: “I came online to mess around and have fun, but you actually seem pretty cool. Let’s go for a drink and see if we have chemistry in person.”
Insight #3 – Get offline
The goal here is to get the girl, not to be the world’s best online dating guru (and I’m pretty sure Derek Cajun is going to have you beat there, anyway). Get off the dating site as soon as you can. The Gentleman’s Guide to Online Dating has some great transcripts and sample lines to get her from the dating site to Facebook or to texting or to meeting up.
This is particularly important with especially attractive women, since they are bombarded with millions of men on dating sites and don’t tend to stay on them for very long. If you have her attention, take advantage of it right away and escalate.
Annihilating Your Approach Anxiety, and Becoming Comfortable with Approaching People You’ve Never Met
Approach anxiety is a brick wall I hear about all the time that guys hit in game. It is not unnatural, it is completely normal, you are just passing through one of the stages that everyone who gets into game goes through. So, let’s get to it.
Why do we get AA?
The # 1 reason we get approach anxiety is our ‘Fear of Rejection’. Our minds tell us not to approach people we don’t know as it is outside of our comfort zones. You have to realize that males are logical creatures (females are emotional), and that being the case, our mind will give us logical reasons not to approach to keep us safe, to keep us comfortable, and will put our comfort above our happiness.
Examples of these logical reasons not to approach are ‘she’s probably got a boyfriend’, ‘she looks like she’s in a hurry’, ‘she’s not attractive enough’ (If she is not attractive then fair enough lol, but even still, for 6’s and up practice makes perfect!). Do any of these sound familiar? The list could go on forever.
Yes, if you don’t approach that girl you’ve been thinking about approaching, you’ll be safe from rejection, but you won’t necessarily be happy with yourself.
Annihilating Approach Anxiety
Something I learnt from Jeet Kune Do was a concept – ‘Don’t Think, Just Do’. In short, we were taught not to think, just do, when conditioning, or fine tuning a new move/combo. What this does is it doesn’t enable your mind to think of everything that you should be doing, it doesn’t let your mind over complicate things, you just do it. This is something I linked when I first heard of the 3 second rule. Three seconds is about the time it takes for our brains to receive a signal and respond. In other words, the time it takes for us to see the girl and begin coming up with the logical reasons to not approach. If you do get AA, you have to let your body do the deciding & approach within 3 seconds, otherwise your mind will take control and will do everything in its power to stop you doing so. This doesn’t mean you can’t approach after 3 seconds, it will just get more & more difficult because you will dwell on the fact that you know you should be approaching, but you aren’t. If you ever begin thinking too much, to the point you feel anxiety kicking in, just say out loud to yourself ‘Fuck It, what’s the worst that could happen’.
The next point I wanted to make, is don’t take it so seriously. You’re not putting this much effort into mastering this area of your life to make yourself crap your pants, you’re learning it, so you can go out and enjoy yourself and meet many beautiful women along the way, as well as helping them enjoy themselves by meeting a great guy. A great concept to go out with is ‘Leave others better off than when you first met’. So, if you feel yourself getting AA, take a step back, take a deep breath, and laugh. Realize you’re putting way too much thought into this and you’re not having fun! One suggestion is going to the same bar a lot and getting used to it there. It can help you relax, as you will become comfortable with your surroundings, you’ll begin to make friends who go there regularly, as well as making connections with the bartenders, doorman, DJ etc. I recommend getting familiar at a bar where you know lots of hot girls go. It’s money.
Improving your social interactions is a skill set. So, you have to warm that skill set up. With that in mind, each day/night you go out, do some warm up sets. These don’t have to be full blown conversations, they can be openers as quick as ‘Hey what’s the time?’, ‘Hey do you know what time this place shuts?’, ‘Hey do you know what the nearest tube station is?’. All the warm up sets are designed to do is get you in the mood of approaching. Use this rule, ‘The first 3 sets don’t count’. Your first three sets are your warm up sets, so until you’ve opened three sets, don’t worry about what happens.
Something Braddock say’s that I thought was helpful with overcoming AA is to say in a little girls voice inside your head ‘Oh no I’m too scared to go up and talk to strangers I couldn’t do that’. It made me laugh because you realize how stupid it sounds. Remember you’re a man, what the fuck is scary about talking to someone you haven’t met? Grab your balls by the hand and go have fun like a man would.
What’s the Worst that Could Happen?
Actually, stop and ask yourself, ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’. A girl could tell you to fuck off? A girl could slap you? Her boyfriend could come over and kick your ass? Let me tell you that I’ve tried & also seen guys do some outrageous stuff while experimenting in field, but I’ve never been or seen a guy (knock on wood) get slapped by a girl, been confronted by an angry boyfriend, never had a drink thrown over me, sure I’ve been told to fuck off, but that’s the worst I think I’ve ever had. So, you want to know what that feels like? Go up to a group of hot girls and say, ‘Hey can you tell me to fuck off’, they’ll most likely not say it to begin with, but get them to say it to you. There, you’ve just been blown out in the worst way possible. Not as bad as you thought huh.
Mr. M told me something that I haven’t forgotten, and that was –
‘You have to fail to succeed, so fail fast’
It is so true. The best of the best out there are the ones that have failed the most times, yet undoubtedly, also succeeded the most. I like sets that I get blown out from now, they are the ones you learn most from, and where would be the fun without the challenge?! You wouldn’t be attempting this if it wasn’t challenging, that’s why it’s so rewarding, because your efforts pay off. So, don’t beat yourself up the next time you get blown out, just say to yourself ‘Lesson learnt’, & move onto your next set.
Do I Need to Become Confident to Approach?
Some people say you have to be ‘Confident’ to approach successfully. But what is confidence? Maxwell Maltz summed this up in personally the best way possible. He said -
‘Confidence is your capacity, to rise above a mistake’
To me, that is exactly what confidence is. And how do you rise above a mistake? You do that thing 1000 times. So, I want to get better at football, how do I do it? Go and play football. I want to get better at running, how can I? Go and run. I want to get better at approaching, what do I do? GO AND APPROACH!
An awesome analogy from Mystery about confidence is, not becoming confident, but becoming competent. Becoming competent is basically doing something enough times so that you become accustom to doing it. He says to think of it like jumping into a freezing cold pool. The 1st time you jump in, it’s absolutely freezing cold and you want to get out as soon as possible. The 2nd and 3rd time it’s still cold, but it’s not as bad. Then the 4th, 5th, 6th times it becomes fun and you keep getting out and jumping back in. But then you dry off and go to bed. The next day, it’s back to square one, the first time jumping back in that freezing cold pool again is going to be horrible. But it’s the only way you’re going to get used to it. So, learn to love it.
For me it boils down to this, men do the approaching, women do the choosing. Men don’t choose if they’re going to have sex with the woman (even if that is what we portray) and women very rarely do the approaching, unless they’re drunk.
I guarantee, if you do this every day, even after a couple weeks, you won’t wake up thinking ‘I have to approach strangers today’, you’ll find yourself just doing it, and the habit will begin to grow, to the point where it becomes a part of you to start conversations with people you don’t know. Better yet, you’ll actually begin to enjoy it.
Actually, why don’t women approach MEN? Some do. But most women don’t. And the type of woman who is attractive and has a lot of guys after her will usually approach even less. I’ll explain why…and then give you a big twist at the end…
But before we dive in, a quick HEADS-UP – if you’ve recently been through a breakup get the Breakup Survival Guide for Men immediately. It’s not about being “strong” or “tough” – there are certain psychological and chemical processes that go on in a breakup. You need the tools to deal with these before you’ll be able to be at the top of your game. Check it out here:
So why don’t women approach men? There are a whole bunch of reasons for this:
Attractive women don’t have to. Many women don’t have time to get to know all the men who have already made the first move, let alone feel it necessary to go meet more.
Approaching is hard! So is putting yourself out there and risking embarrassment and humiliation. For a lot of guys, until they go through a Love Systems Bootcamp or the Super Conference, approaching can make you super-nervous and isn’t always successful. Women feel awkwardness and embarrassment more than men, so it’d be even harder for her to approach.
Some women worry that approaching a guy and making the first move will be emasculating for him.
Some women find the idea of making the first move a big turnoff and not feminine.
Most women are really bad at hitting on men. [Trust me on this one. I do consultations for women and wrote a book a while ago, and this is a consistent theme.]
There are a lot of other reasons, but those are the five biggest.
Women DO approach men. Actually, about 75% of courtships are initiated by women. They just do it differently. Here are some examples of how women “approach” men:
Walking by somewhere where she knows you’ll see her
Standing near you so you start a conversation with her
Order a drink at the bar when you do
There are about 20 of these signs that we go over in more depth in our programs, but more important than listing them is to know how to get a woman to give you those signals. In other words, what attracts a woman from afar?
It’s not what you say. She hasn’t talked to you yet.
It’s not even how you say it. Tonality is hugely important, but she can’t hear you yet.
What is it? Three things:
And that’s it. Master those three, and women will be giving you “approach invitations” all the time.
Love Systems instructor Vercetti teaches clients how to get good with women fast.
A common question I’m asked is “How long did it take you to get good with women?” And while I'm unable to give a precise answer I am aware of the tools I used to get good quickly. I went through many frustrating nights coming home virtually in tears of frustration but it’s what I did in those moments that enabled me to take major steps and overcome my sticking points.
One of the most useful tools I’ve used to accelerate my learning is Creative Visualization.
In Maxwell Maltz’ book Psycho Cybernetics – which I highly recommend - He basically talks about the use of Visualization to modify and improve your Self Image; it’s extremely powerful.
Preparative Visualisation - The Ideal Image
• Create a vivid motion picture of you or someone who is awesome with women, excelling in a situation you are struggling with.
I did this prior to going out to incorporate things like High Value Sub-Communications, physical and sexual escalation and pretty much any characteristics that were eluding me.
For example: You may have seen the YouTube video of Soul and I on the Lovesystems’ Channel; that was about a year and a half ago. I had asked Soul to teach me everything he knew about Daygame and to push me to the limit, I was shitting myself! I had been a Jedi in “High End Club Game” for about 2 years prior to that and the thought of “crossing over” actually made me very anxious. In order to make my transition smoother and create a Self Image that contained characteristics of a man who meets women anywhere, I had to “See” myself doing well at Day Game, doing approaches and create an internal blueprint to guide me in the real world.
Action Step 1. Third Person – Watch the Experts in Action
• Find a couple of “Mentors” are great in Social Interactions • Watch them, take note of all aspects of their interactions. • Find a location where you can relax, completely uninterrupted and go into semi supine position (see below)
Re-run the interactions of your mentors again paying attention to all the details • Run an interaction this time watching yourself doing exactly what your mentor did.
Example: I’d watch what Soul his Daygame interactions, I’d take note of EVERYTHING, how he stopped her walking, his Sub-Communications, the Words he used, how he Escalated the interaction and displayed Value etc. Then I replayed it later in my mind this time substituting Soul for Vercetti. I did this several times until I had a clear understanding of what a good, solid set looked like and more importantly, what I looked like doing a “perfect” set. I then started to throw hurdles into the interactions, like her friends or high resistance from the woman.
Action Step 2. First Person – Become the Expert
• Re-run the interactions, this time from a “first person” perspective: See everything through your eyes instead of standing outside of yourself and observing. • Make the movie simulating: Make it a complete sensory experience, engage as many of your senses as you can. Note what you See, hear, smell etc.
I created such vivid imagery that I’d actually have physical responses to the mental stimuli. That hot brunette actually made my heart beat that little bit faster, as I closed the distance and increased my sexual intent I could feel the sexual charge in my body.
I visualized myself doing approaches, adjusting my Body Posture and working on my Body Language, the way I Moved and Walked, the way I Spoke and what was going through my head at the time. I included as many of my senses as possible to create an experience as close to real life as possible. The power of the imagination never fails to amaze me.
With good relaxation you can actually create images so stimulating that you’re also able to isolate your Negative Beliefs. One of my scenarios was stopping a woman on crowded oxford street in London, as the movie went on, I could hear my old negative thoughts “Everyone is going to be watching me”, “she’s going to think I’m trying to sell her something”. From there I was able to create and upload new empowering beliefs and work on eliminating the old ones.
NOTE: THEN I WENT OUT AND PRACTICED!
Nothing happens without action and the visualizations, although extremely powerful, are not substitutions for ACTUALLY meeting women and getting your hands dirty.
Corrective Visualizations – Correcting Course
• Learn from your good and bad experiences, never make the same mistake twice
These are EXTREMELY important, in my opinion more important than the first type. They are used at the end of the day having been out interacting and gaining reference experiences.
• Get into Semi Supine • Rerun all of your interactions for that day (or choose the most significant ones) • Take note of all the good stuff you did first, the things that were effective, what was awesome about you, your vibe, your Sub Communications etc • When you get to points where the interaction stalled out, creatively resolve the sticking point.
if you can’t resolve it, ask a wing what they would’ve done. I can recall a number of times in the past where Mr. M and I would talk in the morning after a wild night out and analyze interactions, overcome sticking points and correct course for success next time.
• Replay the whole set in the ideal way, smooth, no glitches, overcoming the obstacles and tests and moving past the point where you stalled out last time. • Repeat this process on all your sets. You’ll be amazed at how much faster you begin to improve because using mental rehearsal triggers the same neurological responses as actually doing real life rehearsal...However holding a woman in your mind and in real life are worlds apart.
From all the different backgrounds, skills and stories that every attendee has, the path inevitably leads to the same focal point: we admit that we want to be better with women. While this may be an obvious point, a realization I had very early on was that this extends into all aspects of your life. This is more about becoming your best self and the best man you can possibly be, which affects all relationships that you come into contact with on a daily basis. Once you improve your inner game, self-image, and quiet the voices in your head that can be deafening at times, you become laid back and care free. Once you are congruent with yourself and identify your values and passions, you gravitate towards these things and make sure they are staples in your routine. I thought being so successful in dating and life in general, that possibly the instructors would walk around with an air of ignorance to them. Not only are they the easiest dudes to talk to on the planet, they actually want you to succeed and join them at the round table haha. This is another realization I had, it's easy to drown in your ego once you are swimming in the deep end but the real key to being a highly successful individual is to WANT to make the people around you better.
2. Building Relationships With Like Minded Men
To become great at something it takes practice and the proper mindset. It's easy to spend the weekend with a bunch of dudes who are on the same page as you and rage into the wee hours with bottle service at a table with a bunch of girls around, but the important part is finding the guys who will join you AFTER the weekend and get in the trenches and do the work. Lots of friends are apprehensive, or are strictly content with being a wallflower and drinking Budweisers till they stumble home alone. I view this like an arrow, and your life is filled with different relationships that go in all different directions like a road map of Bangkok. I can honestly say after Super Conference, I have a solid group of guys across North America that I could call up when I'm in their city and we go and have a great time. Our arrows all point in the same direction - guys who are all passionate about becoming better men. I have a found a buddy who actually lives in same somewhat sleepy town as well, and we've already racked up a bunch of great times and success stories that we can laugh at. We are pushing each other and holding each other accountable which is HUGE to keep progressing. As I write this, we were just texting back and forth about cognitively recognizing some of the bad habits falling off and going "Holy shit! We are starting to turn the corner."
3. Inspiration From Success People
This is an easy one, every instructor is an inspiration plain and simple. These guys are living the life they want, from owning multiple businesses and being entrepreneurs to living in exotic locales and kicking ass. It is an inspiration because these are guys who are right in front of you, who have been in your shoes, made a decision to not take the safe route and show it can be done. I broke my wrist taking notes because everything that is coming out of their mouth is pure gold, you have to write EVERYTHING then go home, read it and chew on the sentence for a bit. Internalize these things if you can, read them over and over till they sink in. This won't come overnight, but a step in the right direction each day is still a little closer to your goal than you were before. Consistency is a must if you want to become the Jedi master you wish to be.
4. Acknowledge Your Fear - Do It Anyway
This was a big one for me, I thought approach anxiety or anxiety, in general, was something you could banish forever and never have to deal with again. It's just not the case and not human nature. You have to accept you're going to feel weird or nervous at times in your life, but instead of trying to run away from it - you have to turn and see it for what it is. Laugh at it, point at it, laugh at yourself and have a good time. We blow everything up to be 10 times crazier, bigger or scarier than it always is. The instructors show you its part of everyday life, it's something that won't go away - but you can train yourself to react or look at it in different ways. This was a bigger issue than I previously thought personally for me before Super conference and what the instructors said really turned on the lightbulb for me. It's being integrated for me now, I'm a lot more calm in social situations and I lounge at the bar like a Persian King now. I was waiting for friends by myself at a bar recently and had 3 chairs taken up from my relaxed posture, and joked to the girl next to me I was about to lay down. This goes back to what they teach you, what you write down, and what you should be trying to internalize a bit each day.
5. Make Your Move, Roll The Dice And Don't Think Twice
This is a piggy back on number 4, but there's enough here to warrant its own point. I think this could be my biggest take away from the Super Conference. You must push yourself, you must live outside your comfort zone and be okay with stepping outside because that is where your real growth lies. You really must be more comfortable with being outside of your comfort zone than in it. Tangible action always breeds tangible results. It's easy to write an encyclopedia of notes because it's all there, and some may think that by staying in the library all the time - that you're going to pass the test. Which may be a horrible analogy because that's how you pass most tests, but not life's tests! One foot in front of the other and taking your shot will always be how you get your results. Make your moves, be cognizant of the results & what you did to get there and that's where your true success will be. Before Super Conference, I realized that staying safe and in my bubble just wasn't cutting it. Getting out with everyone at the Conference from instructors to attendees was an eye open for me, just push yourself a little each day and eventually, the good things will come. Listen to what the former Super Conference attendee had to say here: Testimonial Video
Here’s a list of 10 ways to improve your success with women, written by former Love Systems Instructor Soul. By implementing these, you will see big improvements in your overall life as well as in your success with women.
1. Stop reading all dating forums for two weeks. Bar yourself from reading, writing, or replying to any posts on any internet dating science forum. You will discover that time spent working on yourself is more valuable that arguing, debating or defending any aspect of dating science.
2. Get a new haircut or hairstyle. Chop it, style it, dye it. Do something to it to make it look different to how it is now. I recommend going to a good stylist (ask friends with good hair for recommendations). Your friends will have mixed reactions to it (most people don’t like change), but women will react positively to it.
3. Pick one skill that’s not dating that you can commit to getting better at, e.g. Hip Hop dancing, Thai boxing or cooking. Find a good class for it and commit to going at least once a week.
4. Start reading a GREAT novel (I recommend Shantaram, Atlas Shrugged or Musashi) and carry it around with you whenever you are out and about. It gives you an excuse to sit in a café and chill (with plenty of opportunities to speak to women around you) and can even get women opening you if they recognize the book.
5. Book a weekend trip away to a city that you’ve heard great things about (my personal favorites are Stockholm, Barcelona and Riga). Grab ONE friend if you can or go by yourself. Don’t go with more than one person otherwise you’ll have a tendency to “hang out” with each other instead of actively talking to new people and meeting women. Talk to every remotely attractive woman you see from the moment you get to the airport. You can find cheap flights if you sign up to budget airline newsletters; use couch surfing if you want to get free accommodation.
6. Book a longer two-week or month-long break to somewhere on another continent, e.g. Asia. Travel ALONE. The life lessons you will learn from doing this are worth at least three months of social interaction on your home turf (where you have the safety net of friends, your local bars, your culture etc.). You’ll have to plan this one a few months in advance. Dip into your savings if you have to – that’s what they’re there for.
7. Every time you talk to a girl for longer than 5 minutes in the daytime, ask her out to do some activity with you in the next few days (even if it’s just “grabbing a drink to find out more each other”).
8. Every time you talk to a girl for longer than 30 minutes in a bar or nightclub, ask her to come to another bar/place for food with you that you know nearby
9. Every time you are on a date with a girl and it lasts for over 90 minutes, ask her if she’d like to have another drink back at your place (assuming you picked a date spot that is close to your place).
10. The next ten times someone asks you to do something, go somewhere, or help them out with something, say “Yes.” You will get into some crazy and uncomfortable situations, but will learn a lot from the experiences and have some great stories to tell afterwards. Making bad decisions is healthy once in a while.
We hope you liked out list of 10 Ways To Improve Your Success With Women.
Today’s blog post features a story and excellent advice from former Love Systems Instructor Bonsai.
I had an interesting pickup a while back. I was on my way to work but I decided to stop by at Subway to grab a sandwich. This the only Subway I know that is close to the office and I have been going there twice a week for a couple months already. It's my goto spot for breakfast and lunch on my way to work.
So whenever I walk in the staff recognizes me and knows me by name. Vice versa. When I come in I greet the staff members by their name.
This came in useful Wednesday morning. I walk in and I get greeted by the staff. Of course, I say hello back to them. But then, I see a gorgeous Asian girl in a suit ordering a sandwich. I have thing for women who are dressed professional. They are hard to find in Hollywood but plenty around downtown LA. A couple months ago I was in New York City and while I was in the cab I saw all these "professional women" walking around. I was in heaven.
Anyway...back to the story.
It was just me, 2 staff members, her and another guy in the store. I knew I had only small window of opportunity to make something happen.
I ask the old lady behind the counter how her day is getting along, and we make small chat as I'm ordering. The purpose is just to build a little bit of social proof. It's very clear to strangers that we know each other (to a certain extent).
Day Game and Social Proof
When the girl was paying for the sandwiches I noticed she was paying multiple times with cash and credit cards. At this point I was waiting to pay for my order so I was standing next to her. That's when I started the conversation.
Me: I hate it when I have to take orders for my co-workers. Especially at this place. Her: I know! I was just leaving and then someone asked me where I went so I said Subway. Then they all asked if I could bring something back for them. So, I just did. Me: That's nice of you. We could use someone like you in our team. You can be our "go to" person for lunch instead of my intern. Her: Haha thanks. If the salary is better, I might take you up on that offer.
Then she left to go to her car. After I paid for my sandwich I walked really fast to her and went for the Hail Mary.
Me: Excuse me. I know this is crazy, but I would kick myself if I didn't get your name before we both go back to work. Her: I'm Jane Me: I'm Thanh. [we shake hands] Me: Listen Jane, I don't have enough time to competently flirt with you, but I would love to call you sometime. Her: Yeah sure.
After some more small talk I got her number.
Now I want to break it down for you. I can micro analyze it to the tiniest bit but I won't do that. I want you to understand the mechanics of why this pickup worked. There is one thing that helped me the most:
I had social proof.
Now you might think...so an old lady gave you social proof? Yes, but not in a way a super model would give me value. It was more about me being social and knowing the staff. Whenever you know the staff, you always come across as high value to others. It doesn't even matter if you live in a dumpster or in a mansion. Strangers can't tell.
So the fact that I got greeted by the staff gave me some value. I built value before I even approached her. Before I evened opened my mouth, she already saw little parts of my personality by the way I was interacting with the staff. The implied cognition is, "He knows the staff and they know him. He must be somebody important."
Social proof is not just limited to bars and clubs like many people think. It applies everywhere. Especially the places you frequent, which can also be places you go to during the day.
Day game and social proof works too!
Every place I go at least once a week, I am pretty sure I know most of the staff members. I would suggest you do the same thing. Get to know the staff of places you frequent. It might come in handy some day like it did for me.
In fact, a couple weeks prior I had a similar situation. I was at a Jamba Juice I always go to after the gym. Same deal. I know the staff, they know me. When I walked in, we greeted each other and there happened to be a MILF in there. Few minutes later, we exchanged numbers.
Why? I had social proof. It makes your approach so much easier and the rest of the pickup. You are almost like a celebrity.
Exercise, Tips, and Tricks You might wonder....how can I do this? Here's a little exercise for you: -Write down all the places you frequent at least once a week.
These might include: gym, coffee shop, video store, restaurant, grocery store, and so on.
Now that you have a list of places you often go to, try to get to know the staff of each place. Here are some tips to do that:
Go to these places around the same time every time you go. That way you run into the staff that you will most likely see again the next time you go.
Address staff members by their name.
Memorize all their names. Write it down somewhere if necessary.
Whenever you come in, you greet them by their names.
Ask simple questions, like "NAME, how is your day so far?", "What have you been up to lately?", "Did you have any crazy orders today? No...let me change that then." You get the idea.
Share stories with them but keep it short.
The main idea is that you keep coming back and they slowly start to recognize you. Whenever they start to address you by your name, that's when you're in. This process might take up at least a month if you go once a week.
Then someday you might meet your next girlfriend when you least expect it but you'll do it with social proof. Isn't that romantic?
You spend an hour getting ready to go out. Maybe two, counting travel time. Maybe you review your copy of the Magic Bullets Handbook before you leave. You probably approach a few different women before you find one you really like. You’re about another hour into talking to her when you ask for her phone number….
Don’t screw this part up. You’ve already invested a few hours into your night – and this woman could be your future long-term girlfriend or whatever… or you could screw it all up in about 30 seconds.
How to get a girl’s phone number
Remember these ten rules:
1. The phone number by itself is useless. What’s important is that she wakes up tomorrow wanting you to call. The phone number just gives you a way to do that. Your goal is to make an emotional and physical connection. A phone number is not a goal. Usually if you are making a great connection, she will offer you her number without you even asking for it.
2. Make sure she has your phone number in her phone when you get hers. Not because she’s going to call you (she probably won’t, no matter how much she likes you). But so that when you call or text, she knows who it is. The “oh, hi, who is this?” conversation is a momentum killer, and you know from Magic Bullets how important emotional momentum is.
3. If you ask for her phone number, don’t act like you’re applying for a job or a raise in your allowance. She is not “rewarding” or “granting” you her phone number…think of it like any logistical detail when two people are making plans. Ask for her phone number in the same way you’d ask your friend what time the movie is.
4. Because of this, discuss at least vague plans before getting her phone number. Getting her number so you can “call her sometime” is for teenagers. Get her number so you can let her know about that concert you were talking about going to together.
5. Don’t leave the conversation right after getting her phone number. Why would she want to go to the trouble of seeing you again if you’re too awkward to see her right now? Wait for an emotional high note (leave her wanting more) and leave with a logistical excuse (“I’m ignoring my friends; I should get back to them”)
6. Or even, don’t leave at all, or only temporarily. There’s no rule that says that once you get her phone you can’t spend the night together.
7. When you get back to your friends, shut the heck up. Don’t talk about her – your friends will look. You can spoil the best pickup in the world in a split second if she sees your friends cheering you on for getting her number.
8. Don’t keep bumping into each other after the initial phone number. It can get really awkward.
9. On the other hand, don’t worry if she sees you flirting with other women. As long as you’re not getting blown out and it’s not the only thing you’re doing. She’ll probably flirt with other men too – don’t look, don’t compete, don’t worry about it.
10. Don’t call or text her to check if it’s a real number.
This is of course only scratching the surface. For the complete guide to getting phone numbers, calling vs text, hundreds of great text messages and conversations, and so on, check out the Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game.
There’s nothing worse than getting put into the friend zone by a girl you like. Instead of dating her, you have become her buddy. You’ve become a therapist and a shoulder to cry on. Here are some valuable tips that will help you to get out of the friend zone with a girl you like.
First, you’re going to have to spend a lot less time with her for a while. The reason you need a break from her is because it's hard to change the frame from friend to sexual, it’s going backwards. To try and physically escalate with her at this point will feel weird to you and her. The time away from each other should help with this.
Start talking to other girls while you’re trying to get out of the friend zone. Don't set out to make her jealous, just bring more women into your life. Practice staying out of friend zone. Spend more and more time thinking about other girls and less time putting this girl on a pedestal in your mind. Becoming a more attractive guy overall and needing her less and less will help you become more attractive to her.
After you have spent some time away from her, come back and change the frame. Next time you see her you can send mixed signals and set a new tone for escalation. You need to re emerge as a sexual guy who wants her, but doesn't need her. You want her in a way that does not include shopping or hearing about her boy problems.
Slowly go for it, but be willing to lose this girl. You obviously like her, so go for it. Get the girl? Great! She says no thanks? Fine, get away from her so she can't affect you emotionally, but at least you can feel better inside knowing you took your best shot.
These are just some tips that will help you to avoid the friend zone with the women you like. Be sure to checkout the Love Systems products for more advanced tips and training.
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