Love Systems - First Date Advice, Relationship Tips For Men
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I want to start with saying although I have had a couple of gf’s who were strippers and I have slept with quite a few I have never met any of them in strip clubs. I have always met them through the nyc house music scene where everyone at the party who walks in from 5 – 6 am Sunday and stays till 5 pm Sunday is probably up to no good (except me because we all know I’m an angel). Knowing psyche (female and stripper) pretty well I have recently started going to strip clubs with a close friend of mine. I have had a fair amount of success in what I would consider a short amount of time. After last night I have been to strip clubs 11 times in my life. Before Feb of this year which was Superconference I had only been to 1 and in Vegas I went to 5 brining the total to 6. Since Vegas (for those who cant do math) I have been to 5 more clubs. Here are some of my insights into stripper game.
Insight #1: You will get little to no mistakes. This might seem obvious but it wasn’t to me. In a regular pickup even professional makes mistakes (anyone who tells you otherwise is selling snake oil so run the other way as quick as you can). It is impossible unless you are a robot that plays flawless game and even then a robot would lose at a pattern he doesn’t have a contingency for. Some examples of mistakes? I was doing really well with a stripper in St Louis, had value she had been talking to for me about 20 minutes, hadn’t asked for a cent was giving me compliance and all of a sudden I asked her how long have you been dancing. When she replied 8 years I replied oh so you’re a lifer. Now I did this to show insider information but it just blew up in my face. She flipped out and was like no, I am out of here in 6 months! She then stormed away PISSED. Note to people reading this if it is the first day they start dancing or the first day of the 15th year they are still getting out of there in 6 months.
Other examples?Hired gun waitress in Cleveland strip club this past weekend. Not as on but she is clearly neglecting her job to talk to me. Again trying to show insider information I ask her why does this club suck? You should always be communicating with an outcome in mind (this is a communication strategy in general not just for pickup. It always bugs me out when I ask a student what was he thinking when he does something and he goes I have no clue. You should always have a clue (even if it is a wrong one) about why you are doing something.) So once again blowout.
Next example, last night, pretty hot girl, would not shut off her stripper programming. We finally get it off. I am getting compliance it is slowly start to boil to on (it is slow for me because a) I am spending zero dollars, b) I totally don’t match the alpha stripper bf type, c) I am doing a lot of tactics that are making her intrigued and she is not use to this). So I go what’s her nationality and she says Ecuadorian and Jamaican. I go Jamaican and made a face (my thought was this girl is hot and even though I am getting stripper programming off I keep seeing flashes of it so maybe a REALLY harsh neg will shut it off once and for all). Once the face was made game over she got up and immediately I knew where I went wrong. I actually apologized and was like I am sorry for the face and she’s like I’m not. No big mistakes. You don’t have that luxury
Insight #2: Staying out of the customer frame. This is classic community doctrine but people always wonder how to do this. To me this seems fairly simple, dress cool, go with friends and have a good time (your friends, and fun are more important then the girls). Have positive energy (not sure how to clarify this other then have you ever met a person and then just instantly knew they were cool? Well how did you know? Figure that out and then duplicate it). Pretty much not one single girl has ever asked me for money, at all, in any place. I feel this is because the way I dress, carry myself and the game I am running is so intriguing for her she has to figure out what is going on and she will risk money to do that. Some of them I actually dismissed and told them to go make money and they actually refused. That was pretty nuts. I also had a few other nutty things happen which shows a lot of what I am doing is right.
Insight #3: The birth of the super neg. Super negs are a new concept I have come with based on something I saw happen on a 1 on 1. I haven’t totally mastered the concept but they are a new type of disqualifier that I have been using that seems to be working fairly well. I am not sure if this falls under it but I think it might (you would think I would know since I am the one who came up with the concept). This is with the set I blew last night with the Ecudorian / Jamican. My buddy who was I with is actually in the community and from this board. As the set is happening I am breaking down to him what is happening in a real time but because it is loud and my voice is sore from teaching in Cleveland she can’t hear what I am saying. What’s happening is because we are having fun and he is laughing as I tell him things she ends up getting SUPER self conscious because it is like we are having an inside joke at her expense. Mix in some other IOD’s along with pulling her back in with some strong IOIs and voila we have a stripper in chase mode. Every time I would lean over and tell him something we would laugh and she would get MAD self conscious and go STOP doing that (but like a hurt little girl). Inside jokes especially at the girls expense is powerful once she likes you. Unfortunately I think this plays on a mix of a lot of things. A) You have high value and what you are doing is different then anyone else. B) Stripper programming is off so now this is a real girl, naked and vulnerable in a strip club. C) Stripper’s like abuse. D) Etc
Insight #4: Insider Info. I run A LOT of this material. What this does is put me in the stripper BF category. Regular girls will fit you into 1 of 6 boxes but with strippers there are only 2. Stripper BF or anything else. I am not going to reveal too much here but I can tell you what I learned last night (after this girl got fired for smoking weed aka drug use, while on duty. Most girls do drugs they just don’t get busted for it). So we talked for about 20 minutes and she gave me some fascinating information. One thing she told me about was this concept of the den (or was it hen) mother. This is a woman whose job it is too coordinate everything for the girls, this is from outfits and accessories to makeup and perfume. This girl gets a piece of the action also. Insider information is very very powerful as anything that cements you as stripper bf makes them curious because they never meet guys like this in there club.
Insight #5: Social proof on steroids and the snowball effect aka a feeding frenzy. This was one of my highlights of the night. Let’s never forget we are dealing with hustlers. The girls are very aware of who is making money (stripper wise) and what customers are shelling out that dough. What’s interesting is that the dancers realize the girls have to make a decision on how much time to invest with a guy who is a potential stream of revenue before it is smarter to write him off. Since this club is small and private dances are only in a small portion of the club everyone is watching everyone at all times. So now this is what is interesting. This kid had his first set go ridiculously well and my first set went well until I blew it. Everyone is aware that we are not paying and yet the girls are still there. This made the other girls very curious because girls are competitive and catty by nature and no one is more catty then strippers. So now there are thoughts going through their mind like this: who are these guys, why are these girls spending so much time with them and having more fun then me while most importantly making no money.
What this led to was the sickest social proof I have ever seen in my life, as one would leave the others would approach but not to game us just to figure out what the fuck was going on and get gamed. Man it was so easy. I number closed 1 (she called me to talk on the phone when I got home and is cooking me dinner this weekend, little does she know I am flaking because I have 1 on 1’s this weekend lmao). Almost closed a second but I asked for too much compliance by asking her to get a pen and paper and draw myself a picture of her. That was boneheaded ego tough guy move. There was no reason for me to do that. I should have pulled out my phone (for some reason I felt that pulling out the phone would have been wrong not sure why because I closed the girl before her with the phone out). I also did a combination of the octoberman sequence and lightbody energy work on her and she was like you have to stop I’m getting wet. This wasn’t her stripper programming coming back on this was really her getting turned on by the energy work (energy work will always do this to girls because the 2nd chakara is where sexual energy is stored). As she left MORE girls came. It was like a snowball effect of insanity. Every single set opened, hooked and was on. Not 1 dollar was asked for and what was funny is as I tried to send them away they would not leave. It was really nuts man.
I think the highlights of this are based on the jealously because girls are pissed the other ones are having more fun then them and supply and demand. What do I mean by this? I mean there are relatively few cool people in the club (playas, whatever) so we are a rare / hot commodity. It is almost like a gender stereotype reversal because all of a sudden we are the prize and they are competing over us. So the girls have to look at it like this well I am making only xyz an hour but Tina who I fucking can’t stand is having more fun then me. F her I am more worthy of that guy then she is and boom the sharks smell blood in the water.
What’s funny is I just finished reading bringing down the house which is the story of the MIT geeks who owned Vegas by beating blackjack (great story btw). There were two parts to what they did, the first was the math but the second was acting. They said Vegas is designed to take you for everything you are worth. It is not designed to beaten, these guys exploited programming flaws in the system. I kind of felt like one of them last night. Here I was this 5 7 kid with mad grey hair and crooked teeth beating the system (I def don’t look the part). Sure I paid for drinks but they were way cheaper then at 230 or Gavensort. I am spending zero money otherwise and in fact by the girls talking to us instead of giving dances and making the club money they are wasting both their time and the clubs potential income. What’s funny (and sickly validating) was more then once the manager of the club came over and told the girls to get working lmao. He knew. Only thing would have been more validating is if he came, threw us out and banned us from coming back. It is like in the book they got banned from Casinos because the Casinos were losing money, perhaps the ultimate form of PUA validation is to get banned from a strip club for the same thing (I say this tongue and cheek before the haters rise up and say well you shouldn’t be living in a world of external validation. Relax kids I am laughing). Needless to stay strip clubs are about to become part of my standard rotation because if you can make it there you can make it…. anywhere… it’s up to you NEW YORK NEW YORK.
The way I learn things is through actual real world experience. I go out, I have experiences and some part of me pickups (no pun intended) that something unique just happened and from there I try to reverse engineer it.
A friend of mine lives a ridiculous lifestyle. He is the partner of a wall street firm, a super natural, and is constantly hanging out with retardedly hot club girls. We go out one night to a happy hour his friend is bartending at. I am a little tipsy and as we walk in there is what I would consider a bonafide 10 there. I still, to this day, do not believe she doesnt work in the sex industry. Blonde girl, 5 3 in shape with implants, a pretty face, dressed sexy who apparently is the alpha female of her group. So we walk in and of course I check her out (mistake #1), she busts me even though it wasnt blatant (more about that in another article this girl was playing playa's game). So from there on in she is cold to me for a time period. Then as she saw me mingling with the right people (this is a peer group where the alpha males and two of the leaders are like my brothers, I just have been absent from the peer group for the last few years while I learned pickup), her attitude begins to change. She starts giving me ioi's. Hm I thought what happened.
Here is what happened, the girl does not have enough time to size me up so she is goign to do it very quickly, my checking her out lost me value but as she watched the alpha's of the group hug me, high five me, have a great time with me and buy me drinks she began to realize I must have value. Finally the clutch move was when the alpha male of the group introduced me as one of his best friends. Right there you could totally see the ice crack.
The lesson to learn from this is you want to get introduced to the girl (or people) by the person who has the highest value that you have juice (rapport) with. Also you want to make sure every interaction with them stands out (more about this in another article). Think about that the next time you are in your social circle. Who would you rather introduce you to a super hot girl, some nobody, yourself or the guy who fucked 3 of her best friends.
In NYC there are really 3 different venues to go. The first is bars, these come in various flavors (dive, sports, theme, etc), the second is Lounges, these are kind of a hybrid bar / club with a lot of couches. These don’t really differentiate that much except by the quality of the crowd (which, in turn, determines how hard it is to get in). Then we have clubs, clubs (at least in NYC and Miami) come in all different shapes, colors (i don’t know I felt that sounded good lol) and sizes. Keying in on the types of girls you want will, in turn, key you in on the types of clubs you want go to.
One of the most important things to understand when clubbing is there are a few factors that will affect your clubbing experience. The most important of these is the type of music. The music will determine the crowd. A club that plays underground hip hop is not gonna have the same people in it as a club that plays house music and does afterhours. Also since the music determines the people it will also determine the drugs. In my experience drug use is rampant in clubs. In bars you might have people drinking and doing blow, in clubs you will have people doing everything from smoking weed (in the club) to overdosing on ghb (again in the club and a pretty scary sight, even worse is it is so common place that I am desensitized to it. It’s almost like seeing a homeless person and his asking for money, I am not the least bit phased. I guess growing up in NYC does that to you but I digress).
The second factor that will affect the experience is the size of the club. I have rarely seen mega clubs (I am talking between 500 - 3000 people in the venue at the same time) that play anything other then house music (there were a couple that played hip hop but those got shutdown due to violence... shocker). Webster hall in NYC is an exception to this as it has different rooms with different types of music.
The next factor is the location. Again I am not sure how this all holds up outside of NYC or Miami (the music thing brings the crowd is def true from Vegas to la to New Orleans but I am talking about the other factors). Location is a real big deal because some areas are not as nice as other areas. For example places in downtown Miami are downright scary. Southbeach on the other hand is a totally different story with a different type of crowd. So make sure you have it figured out because logistics are a huge component.
What are some of the clubs and the girls we are going to find there? The first is the hip hop club. The types of girls you are going to find depend on whether it is underground hip hop (think ryde or die bitches for anyone familiar with Jay Z), or commercial hip hop (think white kids who want to dance to hip hop. The latter will also bring Indian kids who think they are gangsta and wannabe white boys who are not tough enough to roll in the real hip hop clubs but are tough enough to dominate the all white club). If there are fights people will get stabbed or shot. This is actually pretty common (think Plexico Burress in Latin Quarters). There is also an infusion of Latin kids in the underground ones because a lot of them play regatone (sp but I don’t care enough to look up the correct spelling, the music is hideous) / salsa / meringue / bachetta / samba / insert Latin music style here.
The next one is your celebrity club. These are places where even buying bottles are not getting you in. You simply have to be on the list. A good example in NYC would be Bungalow 8 or Tenjune when it first opened or now Butter (Puffys club) on Monday nights. Buying bottles does not work simply because they don’t need your money at the expense of diluting the purity of the crowd. These places you are def going to need HOT girls, to know someone, or possibly be a celebrity. What you are going to find in here is a lot of models, a - b list celebrities (think Nicole Richie, and Eli Manning) and a lot of people doing high quality blow.
You have implicit value just being able to get in. Most people who manage to get in are probably not approaching and it is very social circlish. The clubs also have a very short lifespan (Bungalow 8 being the notable exception). They start as super elite clubs and then become A list after a few months regular people can begin to get in by buying 5 bottles +. This is a result of a new super elite place opening and the club losing its star revenue and thus being forced to become less choosey. Generally NYC, Miami, Vegas (and I am sure LA I just don’t have a lot of club experience there) each have the "one party" to be at it for the night and it is at a different club each night. In NYC Monday's is butter, Tuesday's is Marquee, Wed is 1oak, etc. This is a cycle that almost continually repeats as old clubs fall and new clubs are born. You will find a lot of models and fashionitas. Expect them to screen you on such things as where your Hamptons house is, what kind of car do you drive, etc. It is very status and money based. It is also fairly easy to game because guys have none of it. They rely on coke, money and status (possibly in that order, kidding kidding).
Our final stop (before this gets out of control) is our house music club. These come in various flavors (from grimy dark afterhours hole in the wall, one notable NYC party is unemployment Mondays. This is a party that goes that from 6 am Monday morning - 5 pm Monday afternoon and is for all the strippers, drug dealers, bouncers, dj's, other industry people along with people who have done so much crystal meth they are way too tweaked to go home. People in this club = scary. Club kids are like vampires, they fear the light). Another type would be your more normal party at a place like Pacha or mansion (think space in Miami).
These types of parties are the parties I like. Generally, the way I would do it when I was more into it was to go to sleep Saturday night, wake up Sunday at 7 am, eat a bowl of pasta and get to the club at 8 am. We would party and dance from 8 am - 5 pm and then either go to an afterparty or just go home. What are the type of people in these clubs? Really jacked Guido juiceheads. Check out getoffourisland.com. What kind of girls are there? Think slutty stripper club girls. Think www.napkinnights.com or www.pachanyc.com.
The game here is difficult at best. It is loud, the girls don’t want to meet people and it is based on social circle and status in the scene (can you get them into VIP, do you know the door guy, etc). The drug use is out of control and this very greatly affects girl’s states. A girl on ghb will be really horny and you can probably nail her in the stall but a girl on meth will be super paranoid and if you are qualifying her too hard she might bug out. I watched Mystery at Cameo (the old Crobar in Miami) a couple years back before the show. He was unable to make anything happen and left the venue. It is HARD in these places man. Guys are super aggressive and the girls are super socialized. One day I will write up an article on juiceheads. When Sinn was staying with me for a month he said he has never seen anything like how aggressive the tactics (as far as physical dominance) Guidos use anywhere else in the country or outside of it. Def glitch game at it’s finest.
By figuring out the kind of girl you want you can figure out the clubs you are going to have to deal with and the specific nuances / logistics about them. Next month we will talk about some more general club insights but as we get further in the series I will begin to focus on the house music afterhours scene because that is where i have the most experience and the girls are the hottest.
Hi & welcome back. I haven’t written an article in quite some time, mainly because I have to feel inspired to write. I recently went to a house party. Two kegs and the first keg party I had been to in at least 5 years. It was so interesting; it was like going back home but with a new set of eyes if that makes sense. I picked up (no pun intended), so much new information about the underlying dynamics of the party and how house parties work in general… it was amazing. Not to mention it was a lot of fun. First time I drank off a keg in who knows how long. I learned so much that I am going to write a series of 5 articles on it. So without further adieu (let's get started).
Allow me to set the stage; the party was thrown by 3 of my close friends, had 2 kegs and about maybe 50 or more people over the course of the night. The previous night I was out with one of my friends and we picked up a few different groups who we invited to come to the party. Out of this 2 groups ended up showing up, minus those two groups and my 3 friends I don't know anyone else at the party.
Throughout the night as I socialized I began to notice little nuances that separate a house party from nightgame, daygame, club game or social circle game. Very interesting. The closest form of game it seems like is a hybrid of nightgame mixed with social circle game. With each interaction I figured out a little more of the underlying dynamics until I found what is possibly the most power tactic for gaming in house parties ever. I want to discuss the tactic but more importantly I want to discuss the underlying psychology of what makes something so simple so very powerful.
In a house party the #1 most important tactic you can ever possibly learn is to introduce yourself. Huh? What kind of an insight is that you ask? Walking back into a house party after so many years with so much more social experience created the illusion it was my first time at a party ever. That might sound strange but let me try to explain it. Since it has been so long, walking in with new beliefs, new social abilities, instincts & capabilities created almost an entirely new experience for me. This along with a few others ended up me getting a girl who is probably a 7.5 - 8 (with almost no work at all), also it led to alot of other interesting conversations and observations. Believe it or not there is a ALOT of power in just this one little phrase. Let’s talk a little about the psychology and why it is so powerful.
At a house party, depending on how well the people know each other there will always be some level of people who don’t know each other (or possibly are linked through 7 degrees of separation). To clarify what I mean is a friend of a friend of a friend. Although humans are social animals’ socializing is a subset of communication as a whole. Most people are not really good at socializing & "small talk". Search Amazon and see how many books there are on public speaking and small talk in general. I know because I have read a few. Public speaking is actually the #1 fear, even before death. That leads us to the old Seinfeld joke that says that means people would rather lay in the coffin then give the actual eulogy! If you have a fear of public speaking you can check out something like toastmasters. I have never tried it but the people I know who have generally had positive things to say about it.
You will not get good at this game unless you can public speak well. I see so many students who just don’t have really engaging personalities, flat tonality, expressionless faces, not able to handle a group, etc. One of the best things you can do if you have this problem is take improv classes. Improv teaches you how to think on your feet, be wittier; it gets you de-sensitized to engaging other people in interesting and unique ways. Also if you have stories you are using as routines in your stack you should definitely practice them in front of a mirror. Ever wonder what girls see when you are telling a story? Unless you have recorded yourself or see yourself in a mirror you have no clue. It might be surprising for you.
Going back to the linking of people to the host, generally when you first walk in the party you go and find the host. The host then gets you a drink or a cup and introduces you enthusiastically to whoever is around. These will always be similar to infield what are called accomplishment intros. Also the host will introduce themselves to whoever they don’t know. After that initial burst and as long as you are hanging out with him it is it is expected that the guest at the party will be social and mingle with everyone. Although the host is will introduce you to people at other various times throughout the night the onus is on the guest not the host (btw I think that is the first time I ever used onus in a sentence in my life).
Let me give you an example, I remember 2 people were playing some drinking game, they stopped playing and I commented to one of the kids, I use to play drinking games, I was awesome at quarters. I once hit 22 in a row (true story!). Anyway he's like yea? Let's play quarters, I am like awesome, I'm fader btw, he's like xyz nice to meet you. No awkwardness no nothing. This kid was very social also so when you have 2 social people in the room they will always get along. Let me give you another example that is a little different; there was a girl who was by herself and when I walked over to get a drink from the keg instead of using some kind of indirect, or direct opener, I walked up and I was like hey I don't think we met yet. That was it; we were now engaged in conversation. This is what we call in pickup a "warm" approach. The reason for this is that in a social situation like a party most people don't know how the other person is linked to the hosts. This makes it harder for them to categorize you and because there are a strict set of social norms (and thus implicit frames in these social norms) people will always generally be at least cordial if not friendly to you. To be rude when you are being polite would make them a social violator and not only is it rude it can jeopardize their social standing. What if they are a stranger and you are the hosts younger sibling?) Also, as we will find out, most people aren’t great at small talk and are so happy that you communicating with them.
Then what happened next I found very interesting, she was telling me about her bf, and how he didn’t want to come with her and he was just being a killjoy, etc. She said he hates going to parties like this because he feels it's awkward. I thought about that, he feels awkward because he doesn’t have the skill set in question (making small talk at a party). It's just like guys without game who go to the bar, are wallflowers, and thus feel awkward. They are going to the bar because they think "that is the right thing to do" to meet girls and in some aspects just putting the ball in motion is very helpful (can't win if you don’t play, etc). It is almost like growing up I sucked at sports so every time I went to camp and had to play them I felt awkward… like this negative energy because I was being forced to do something I wasn’t good at and thus didn’t enjoy.
After she introduced me to her bf and him I talked to him for a bit I observed him from afar at a few separate times in the night. There were times where new people came in and he was standing next to someone smoking a cigarette and not even attempting small talk. Here's what interesting though... neither was the other guy!!! This happened a bunch of times with random people (nice controlled experiment eh, double blind holla lol). Once I spotted the pattern I wanted to investigate this. I found this very interesting so what I did next is to see what would happen if I approached the guys and introduced myself to them.
Each and every guy was super friendly (this includes even some jersey shore guidos, mad love yo), not one person was ever rude to me in fact a bunch of people when I asked them how they were linked to the hosts it was like oh my friends gf friends or whatever. So basically they knew NO ONE at the party besides the person they came with. What would they do is introduce you to the people they were with but other then that they weren't exactly being social and going out and meeting people. They were just staying in the comfort and shelter of their peer group.
When you approach them and introduce yourself, it is so powerful for so many reasons; it displays confidence, leader of men, it relieves the burden of the person (who possibly less socially savvy then you) having to start the convo, it avoids awkward social situations, hits preselection when girls seeing you doing it with other girls, etc ad nauseam. One interesting note from what I observed was the people standing next to each other in social situations but not talking were generally always male. I am not sure why this is but my guess is because females are better communicators then men (speak more words per day, start speaking at a younger age, etc).
One advanced tactic I played around with is using what in pickup terms is called forwards and backwards merges. One of the things that made this so powerful is the fact that I genuinely love finding out about people so when I would introduce people to people (almost playing pseudo host) I would tell each person what I thought was the most interesting thing about the other person. This is also great for the host because the host is there partying also, as it gets later, it gets harder to play host, in this way you are helping take the load off their shoulders.
There were a bunch of other things I learned but as far as a tactic that is very powerful, easy to implement & the background pysche was interesting, there aren't going to be many more than this. Try it the next time you’re at a house party, walk up and go hey I don’t think I got a chance to meet you yet, I'm fader. Let them introduce themselves and then you can even go so how do you know the hosts. From there work the room and as you feel more comfortable and it gets later try playing pseudo host and introduce people to others (kind of advanced but play around with it). Overall I would say party game is way easier then cold approach IMO. Anyway talk to you next month when talk about our next insight.
Hi. I haven't written an article in sometime. I generally have to feel inspired to write one and a conversation with a new friend impacted me. At the last NYC workshop we had a student who became lovingly known as "Ass-Dog". Ass-Dog is a genius. This is a guy who graduated from a major college very early, who has had medical papers published in journals and has worked for the Government & Financial sector and he is not even 25 yet! However he has quite a few glitches in his personality, (he is well aware of this lest the reader think I am poking fun). Another student from the same workshop is also brilliant and works at a Hedgefund (not exactly the type of business known for hiring dummies). I generally tend to form strong bonds with my students and a lot of them become lifelong friends. While myself & Hedgefund were chilling one night (not at the bootcamp but one time as friends), we were talking about Ass-Dog and we both agreed he was going to be very good at pickup (he had already done close to 2000 sets pre-bootcamp, had zero AA and was doing mixed sets with ease all night. One of the night’s infield he actually got pulled from the venue by a group). I said I know he is going to be very successful also but not for the reasons listed previously. I was curious how my friend knew that. He said he had one major attribute that he has seen in all successful people he had me: Persistence.
So what is persistence? Princeton defines it as: perseverance: the act of persisting or persevering; continuing or repeating behavior. Well then what does it mean to persist? Princeton defines this as refusal to stop. I teach this concept in my bootcamp, the concept of being relentless. I LOVE Hockey. I might even like it more than football (that's a tough one). I will never forget one year during the Detroit Redwing Dynasty (I HATE the wings cause I am a huge St Louis blues fan, this even after being racially harassed in St Louis & almost getting robbed at gunpoint outside a strip club, alas I digress). It was a game 7 and they zoomed in to the Red Wings locker room, you would think on the whiteboard would be all these X's & O's diagramming plays that the Wings would be running against their opponents’ but there was not. All Scottie Bowman had written was "How hungry are you, are you hungry like a wolf, or you hungry like sheep?" How bad do you want it? This has stuck with me throughout my life. How bad do I want something that I am going after? What amount of pain will I go through to get the result?
Another thing that inspired me to write this was I had basically the same conversation 3 friends (former students) today. One told me things weren't going well, he was down in the dumps, etc, etc. One told me things are going amazing, he is attached to the process not the outcome; another told me things are going great he couldn’t be happier. 2 good, 1 bad but all following the same path and following what I believe is probably one of the core attributes of acquiring any skill set: Persistence. When I first started teaching I was stunned by people who would take the course and then never go out after the seminar. Or even worse self-sabotage during the seminar (like the student who drank himself into oblivion and literally passed out at a table during the infield my first time in Cleveland.) Now I am kind of desensitized and I can size up really fast if people are going to be successful. I think to myself how hungry are they? There a famous quote from Pumping Iron ""The last three or four reps is what makes the muscle grow. This area of pain divides the champion from someone else who is not a champion. That's what most people lack, having the guts to go on and just say they'll go through the pain no matter what happens." He is talking about persistence.
When learning a new skill there are 3 components that directly affect your ability to acquire it. First is the ability of the teacher. In either Outliers, or What the Dog Saw (I can't remember which but I believe it is Outliers), Gladwell talks about how big of a difference the teacher makes in a student’s ability to learn. The next component is the quality of the material. Even with the best teacher in the world crap material is crap material. Finally, the 3rd component is how the student learns the information. Learning, much like teaching, is a skill. Unfortunately in school most of us are never taught how to learn properly. While words only make sense when in a context by the same token so do statistics. If I told you .400 what does that really mean? If we are talking about Baseball the person in question is probably one of the greatest players to ever swing a bat. If we are talking about an NBA player and free throw statistics he won’t be in the NBA very long shooting 40% from the line. Pickup is such an interesting skill set to learn because the majority of the time, much like baseball, you will not be successful (in terms of getting on base or getting the girl, etc). Since the majority of the time you will not be getting the desired outcome many people have a tendency to quit. This brings us back to the attribute of persistence. How hungry is the person trying to learn the skill?
Persistence tends to bleed into what I call the play2win lifestyle. What do I mean by play2win? I mean there are two choices in life you can play2win or you can play not to lose. Playing2Win is doing whatever it takes to get the job done. It is the very essence of persistence but persistence used in the right fashion. Playing not 2 lose is doing just what it takes to get by, the minimal needed. I discuss this concept more in-depth during the inner game portion of my workshop. Play2win has been a huge life concept for me in general long before I found the dating community. I have a lot of friends who work on Wall Street and the one common denominator between all of them is how they will stop at nothing to get the job done right.
Recently, I made a friend (former student) who is a professional card counter. He explained to me his system and how I could learn to count cards also. I was thinking about it and after pondering it I decided not to do it. The reason why was I felt that the value of learning to count the cards and what that would bring into my life was not worth the effort I would have to expend to learn the skill. However I have recently started teaching myself Spanish, this will take some time to get good but I am going to pursue acquiring this skill no matter what.
I think what follows is a good introductory list of questions that one might want to ponder before they attempt to get a new skill set of any time.
01) How bad do I want this? 02) What will I sacrifice to get it? 03) How will I go about getting it? (Action plans, dates, goals, timelines, decision trees, etc) 04) What will happen if I don’t get it? 05) What will happen when I do get it?
There is a ton more I could talk about this (and do on workshops). I think inner game is everything; I think it is even more important then outer game (which is why I spend so much time stressing it). In closing I have three questions for the reader: How bad do you want it? How hungry are you? Are you hungry like a wolf or like a sheep?