I encounter many women and I always find myself talking, answering questions and giving advice on various issues such as dealing with toxic in-laws on a regular basis. Although we all are different and no couple is the same, we experience a lot of the same issues. In this article, I am sharing 3 proven valuable ways to overcoming toxic in-laws. How do I know? Because years ago I, myself used these same strategies and I've also shared with women that have provided me with positive feedback after implementing these strategies.
So, what makes an in-law toxic? Here are a few common signs:
They intentionally try to make you feel bad - They'll do and say things to hurt you and get under your skin.
They try to include themselves in your decision making as a couple - such as when to have a child, buying a home, or relocating. They want to cast their vote as if it should be included in your decision making.
They tune you out - ignore you at family functions as if you are non existent.
They gossip about you when you're not around - talking about you to other family members, friends, church members and anyone who will listen.
They try to turn you and your spouse against each other - They will use the he said, she said game bringing negativity into your relationship which will cause unnecessary chaos.
They will blame you for any decision your spouse makes - Although it may be a decision your spouse decided, you'll still be the blame.
They are controlling and difficult to deal with - they want you to do what they want regardless of what you desire for your own life and family.
Does any of this sound familiar? If so, keep reading......
First, I want you to stop questioning yourself about why don't they like you. The issue is not you. The issue lies within the toxic person or people. Toxic in-laws are self centered. They are preoccupied with what they want, what they need and what they feel. The world must revolve around them.
So, how do you overcome?
Here are 3 Proven Ways:
1. Shift Your Focus: Shift it away from what your in-laws are doing, have done and possibly will do. Focus on what you can do for you!
Take some time each day for you. This is your journey, focus on what brings you peace and operate in wisdom on everything you do.
2. Set Strong Boundaries: Only you can decide what is and isn't acceptable for you. You have every right to protect your emotional and physical health, to be treated with respect, to raise your children without interference, to make mistakes, to express your own beliefs, feeling and values.
3. Protect Your Marriage: See, the Bible instructs us to become of one flesh for a reason after marriage. Read Genesis 2:24. You two shall work together in everything you do. Make decisions together as a couple for you two and your children guilt free and I say guilt free because toxic in-laws will try to make you feel bad about decisions you make for your life and family. Your decision making should be only between you two, not your mother, father, sisters and brothers , cousins, etc.
Hey! It's me Anita, the wife and mom behind this blog and platform.
Whether you are a wife, engaged, mother or single and preparing yourself to be a wife one day, you're in the right place!
Being a wife and mom comes with a lot of unexpected challenges and sometimes, we even have a hard time discussing and sharing those challenges with family and close friends.
I believe that no matter how old we are or where we are in life, we can all learn from each other which is why talking about our challenging moments is important.
I created the platform Wife Mom Journey for wives and mothers (like you and I) to receive encouragement and support as we fulfill our calling in what we know God has chosen us to do, and learn proven strategies to reach your personal success goals while maintaining a top-notch wife and mom status in your home.
So, c'mon and join us on all of #wifemomjourney social media sites:
We are Super Excited for 2019 but even more excited about inspiring, encouraging and helping others start the year strong, empowered and equipped to fulfill their dreams!
VISION IT. BELIEVE IT. ACHIEVE IT. - DESIGN YOUR LIFE 2019 VIRTUAL VISION BOARD WORKSHOP IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!
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“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” ― Benjamin Franklin
What Others are Saying:
“The Vision Board Workshop was very Inspirational. It added direction and an opportunity to regroup and refocus. The time spent with other leading ladies helped empower me in a peaceful environment, allowing me to leave feeling confident and ready to succeed!"
~ Moriah T.
"The vision board workshop was a new experience for me personally. This motivated my husband and I to work towards what we have been trying to reach for years. This board is on our bedroom wall. Every time we look at it, it reminds us and show us what we have accomplished so far.”
People who get married at younger ages tend to have less education in marriage than those who get married at older ages (not all, but most cases), and having that lack of education could be the reason why so many young married couples divorce.
ABOUT US: We started dating when I was 15 and married two years later, so of course we had some growing up to do together. We never went through a premarital anything! No courses, no classes, no workshops, no church lessons on marriage, not anything! Basically, we were two young people that knew we loved each other and we wanted what we had to work although we had no clue how.(Key-We both wanted our marriage to work). We were determined to learn from our failures and mistakes and we created our own Marriage Blueprint that not only worked for us, but has worked for others. Now married for 25 years, we’ve come to realize that in every journey in life including marriage, there will be ups and downs, disagreements and challenges, but it’s how you react to them that makes a world of difference. How you react can either make or break your marriage.
Us on the beach enjoying life!!! 9/2/18
A few nuggets for couples thinking about getting married or newlyweds:
1. Your thoughts will be different from your partner. You are two different people coming together as one. You'll forever be learning one another as you grow together.
2. Use your differences to better your relationship. Determine each other's strengths and weaknesses and line things up accordingly. (finance, paying the bills, etc)
3. You will have disagreements. It's perfectly okay to disagree and still be cool with each other. Disagreements shouldn't always turn into big arguments. Once you learn how to truly interact with each other, you'll enjoy a more peaceful home.
4. Marriage takes patience and real commitment. Everyday will not be peaches and cream. Pray for your spouse, yourself and family daily. With everyday busy schedules, remember to always take care of you along with being a spouse and parent. Save time for "me time."
5. Have Fun Together. Do things together. You don't have to spend a lot of money if any at all to have fun. Be creative in your relationship.
When it comes to marriage, there are really no secrets, it's about being strategic and implementation.
Young Couples, being a part of our HOT Marriage Club Tribe, we aim at promoting Premarital Coaching to help young couples like you learn how to interact with each other. Our Before Your Vows Premarital Coaching Program, we go over key ingredients to building a (H)ealthy, (O)rganized and (T)hriving Marriage! ⭐️⭐️We Provide It (Solutions) + You Implement It = Real Results! ⭐️⭐️
Marriage is not a relationship for the weak; it is a life long commitment. Just like any journey in life, marriage has it's ups and downs and each marriage is different and unique in it's own way. Successful marriages don't just happen, they are created. The couples are willing to put in the work together, pray together, implement biblical principles, develop positive traits, understand differences, grow together, discover their spouse's love language, and build a strong friendship.
Some of the Main Issues Couples Face:
- Money Disputes
- Personal Interests & Expectations
- Lack of Intimacy
- Sexual Problems
- Total Disconnect
- Spiritual Disconnect
- Other Parent Drama (Co-Parenting)
- And More. Add issues in the Comment Section if they are not listed.
Jimmy and Anita were married in 1993 and are the founders of HOT Marriage Club™.
We don't just serve our clients, we've been there and done that. You name it, we've pretty much experienced it; hurt, setbacks, other parent drama, two separations, instability, money mismanagement, lack of communication, spiritual disconnect, and much more. We took the good, the bad and the ugly and created the marriage of our desires. We embraced the lessons from our past and as Transformation Marriage Coaches, we provide a Real Plan of Action to Help Individuals and Couples Thrive in Life and Marriage!
Here are a few Steps to Take to Provide Solutions to Your Issues:
1. Schedule a One on One Meeting - Put away the electronic devices and make sure the children are with a trusted babysitter to talk over dinner or make sure the children are in bed. Talk about your issues one at a time. Talk about where you are in your marriage and what you desire to change. Express yourselves openly and honestly.
2. Examine Yourself - Self - Evaluations are awesome solutions to our issues. At times, we're pointing the finger at our spouse calling out all of their faults, but what about our own faults? Take the time to examine what areas you need to improve in your own life in order to improve your marriage. That's right, check yourself and be Real with Yourself.
3. Be Organized and Clear - Write down your issues and agree on what changes you both desire to see in your marriage. Write down a realistic time frame. Write down the steps you both will need to take in order to meet your goal. Pray about your issues together. Be open to solutions. Be creative and as long as it feels fair to you both, go for it.
Until next time....
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Let's be real, when you start a new relationship that develops into a serious relationship, you have no intentions on dealing with your man's ex. But unfortunately, there are times when there will be interactions with the ex and definitely when children are involved.
It would be nice if everyone involved could just be at least civil, right? Right. But we all know that is not always the case. Sometimes the new women are just upset that there is an ex in the picture, sometimes the man may be "the man in the middle" and then you have the bitter women that are simply not over their ex and are looking to wreck his relationship any way they possibly can.
Here are 6 Signs Your Man's Ex Hasn't Let Go and Want to Destroy Your Relationship -
You may recognize one sign or even all:
1. She Pretends to Be Friendly Towards You
Some exes will go to the extreme and "pretend" to be friendly and civil just to simply be nosy. Keeping up with your every move and even your social media posts to gather up information to either use against you or him in order to sabotage your relationship or as a way to simply stay in his life any way she possibly can.
If she has truly moved on, she would not care to know what you two are up to on a daily basis. You can be cordial without her being all up in your personal space and business.
2. She Blames You and Him for Her Parenting Problems When Children are Involved
You two will always be the blame for her having to parent alone, even if she chooses to keep the child from him. Even if he is present in the child's life. She will still blame you for issues of having majority of the weight on her. Nothing he does as a father will ever be good enough. If she feels the two of you are living "the good life" while she live in misery, she will do every thing in her power to make your lives a living hell. Don't accept the invitation to her misery party.
3. She Talks Bad About You to Others
If she spread lies and rumors about you to your man's family members, to mutual friends and even tries to mess with his mind with her lies, she definitely hasn't let go and is full of toxicity. If you're not careful and don't nip it, this type of behavior can end up destroying your relationship.
How do you put an end to this type of behavior? Honestly, you didn't create this mess, if a man is serious about his relationship & his woman, he will stop her in her tracks.
If his family sees what she is trying to do and they truly care for him, they would not feed into her manipulative spirit and put an end to her contacting them,
4. She Tries to Come on to Him
She's hoping to rekindle an old flame by using her feminine ways on him. She's trying to put him in compromising situations to the point where you start questioning him and may even end the relationship because you simply don't want to deal with the unnecessary drama. Which is what she wants. (You removed completely out of the picture)
(Ex.) He has a child with her & she calls for him to come over because the child is sick. When he arrives, she has on something enticing that can be tempting to him. This puts him in an awkward situation. She honestly should not be calling unless it's an emergency. General colds are not emergencies. And no matter what, he should not go to her place alone whether a child is sick or not. But it's up to your man to make sure he stays away from her and her tricks even with children involved. Be Wise.
5. She Boldly Disrespects You
Do you experience his ex calling you out of your name, insulting you directly or simply ignoring you or refuses to acknowledge you as the woman of his life? Yes, she's completely out of line. As hard as this may seem, but ignoring her ignorance and immature soul is the best reaction. Why? Simply because you won't give her what she wants and that is an angry reaction to show she's gotten under your skin.
6. She Lingers Around His Family
Although the relationship is over and may have been over for months, years and even decades (yes, decades), the ex still tries to rekindle relationships with his family. She clings to his family because this makes her feel connected to him. Don't buy into the notion. Why hold on to people that are dear to his heart, this will only cause chaos between them especially when you, the new lady (or even more, you're now his wife) is around.
Again, if a person has truly let go, they are not concerned about the ex, his lady/wife, his family because they are too busy building their own life and has truly moved on.
So, ladies, I hope this bit of information is helpful to you and remember continue being great and you and your man don't give in to the tricks of the ex. Remember, be wise and know that whenever God has something Great in store for you, the enemy will try to do everything in it's power to destroy it. Don't entertain it at all. Stand strong. The best revenge is to put it all in God's hand, keep her out of your relationship and live a happy peaceful life!
"Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago."
~ Isaiah 43:18 ~
Until next time....
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In Marriage it takes work, but happy couples will tell you how well worth it, it is.
Here are 5 things to avoid doing in your marriage:
1. Criticizing Your Spouse - Constant nagging and bad mouthing your spouse is never a good thing. This is the quickest way to find yourself alone.
2. Being in Love with Your Phone, TV and Computer - Have you ever been talking to someone and you find them constantly scrolling through their phone or moving their head so they won't miss what's going on, on the TV? It makes you feel like you're not important, huh? Be careful of the amount of time you spend scrolling your phone and computer and flipping through the television channels and not spending valuable time with your spouse and family. Be sure to connect.
3. Pushing Problems Under the Rug - No one has a perfect marriage and all marriages have conflicts, but pushing your problems under the rug is an absolute no, no. Ignoring issues is like filling a closet full of dynamite; it's going to blow! Good communication is key. Listen to each other and express your concerns respectfully.
4. Keeping Secrets - At times a person will keep a secret they feel their spouse won't like, but if you deep down inside know that you should be honest about a situation, you should share it with your spouse. Your spouse would probably appreciate you telling him/her versus finding out through other sources. Besides keeping secrets can lead to stress, depression and even lead to a failed marriage. The only secrets that should be kept are Birthday and Anniversary gifts. (wink)
5. Spending More Money than You Have - Money is always a reason at the top of a list for divorce. Avoid spending money you simply don't have. It's unfair to your spouse to spend money you don't have because the hole you dig for you, you both end up falling in. Create a budget together and monitor your cash flow. Spend wisely.