Loading...

Follow Friends1st | Christian dating off-line for Chri.. on Feedspot

Continue with Google
Continue with Facebook
or

Valid

If you love Strictly Come Dancing and you love dancing yourself and you are looking for inspiration for your own dating experiences, then you are going to love the latest Channel 4 dating show. Ashley Banjo (a dance choreographer) is playing cupid in this new show where singletons will be taught a dance routine in 4 days which they will then dance with another singleton they haven’t previously met before. Only after they have danced (and parted company) will they be offered a second date to get to know each if they both feel there is some chemistry there. It is a great idea and I am sure it will be a very popular show.

Ashley Banjo shot to fame himself after leading the dance crew Diversity on Britiain’s got Talent in 2009. As someone who met his wife on the dancefloor, Ashley knows how powerful a dance connection is between two people.  Dancing is often a sensuous and if two people love dancing, it’s a great start to having something real and tangible in common.

So many people these days are absolutely fed up with dating apps where the first and foremost criteria is how you look. Swipe right, swipe left and soon you feel utterly disillusioned and probably lacking in confidence yourself when you aren’t getting as many acceptances as you had imagined you deserve. Although many people think looks are important, in a long term committed fulfilling relationship, they fall far down the list of what is essential for a relationship to work. That is probably why a lot of less attractive people are married and a lot of fabulously beautiful and superficially attractive people are still single. Technology was supposed to make it easier for people to find their perfect partner and every new dating site or app that comes out promises that the latest technology will help them do that. But essentially, as humans we never change. What we all want is a committed faithful relationship with someone who loves us – warts and all – and who we can love back. It is no wonder there more single people around in our society today than ever before, because these apps and sites encourage people to judge others on superficial aspects like looks, as well as persuading people that there is always someone better out there – which quite simply isn’t true!

The Flirty Dancing idea is great because it gives people a chance to try out a skill together. However let us remember this is a television show and it’s prime purpose isn’t to play cupid but to provide great TV entertainment – just like First Dates and Blind Date before did. However if you are fed up of your on-line dating experience, trying a dance class is a fabulous idea. I remember Ballroom dancing at University and being partnered with someone I really didn’t fancy or like much at first. But as we danced together a real chemistry formed between us. There is no doubt that electricity is created between two people when they dance together. Viewers will certainly be aware of that after watching what happened to many couples put together on Strictly Come Dancing.

The other great thing about dancing is that all ages groups can do it. You don’t have to be 18, and you can still dance at 90. It’s a hobby that almost everyone can do. Also I am a firm believer that personal touch is greatly needed in society today. Most of us like a hug, or a sensitive caring touch on the shoulder when someone is being empathetic – and nowadays with our concerns over misinterpretation, and the risk of coming across as too familiar, we have lost a sense of appropriate touch. Dancing brings it back as two people generally have to touch each other – and this is very powerful.

Flirty Dancing starts on Thursday 10th January at 10pm on Channel 4.

Read the Daily Mail article here.

The post Flirty Dancing appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

I was as amazed as the rest of the world to hear that the media had given any attention to French author Yann Moix saying he would be ‘incapable’ of loving a woman aged 50 or more…. despite being 50 himself. Yann Moix told Marie Claire magazine that he found women of that age “too old”. Oh come on, please! Is he being serious or is this rather a publicity stunt for an author who perhaps needs to promote his books.

It is not surprising that his comments about the bodies of 50 year old women being “not extraordinary at all” have sparked an angry backlash on social media. How insulting to every woman over 50. I bet he wouldn’t turn down a date with single Jennifer Anniston – though chances are  – not being a male ‘hunk’ himself, – she probably would turn down someone like him. 

Sadly people like Yann Moix view others totally superficially. This isn’t solely a male trait – women do it too – but it is all part of the problem in our society today – made worse by dating apps like Tinder  – that use looks as the No.1 criteria for suitability for a date.  If you use looks as your No. 1 criteria and only choose to go out with younger (or good looking) people, then should your relationship work out, you are going to get a great shock when looks fade – as they surely do. Show me any older person that looks as fabulous as they did at 20. It just doesn’t happen. Rather base your future happiness on character – things like kindness, generosity and faithfulness – qualities that stick with someone however old they are – and as you grow older together your love won’t tarnish or fade.

I don’t hold out much hope for Yann Moix if he keeps to his current views. And I sincerely hope no younger woman falls for him – because she will soon find herself dumped I am sure as the years roll on, and a younger person becomes more attractive. Who would want a partner like that!

The post Women over 50 too old to date appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

I was as amazed as the rest of the world to hear that the media had given any attention to French author Yann Moix saying he would be ‘incapable’ of loving a woman aged 50 or more…. despite being 50 himself. Yann Moix told Marie Claire magazine that he found women of that age “too old”. Oh come on, please! Is he being serious or is this rather a publicity stunt for an author who perhaps needs to promote his books.

It is not surprising that his comments about the bodies of 50 year old women being “not extraordinary at all” have sparked an angry backlash on social media. How insulting to every woman over 50. I bet he wouldn’t turn down a date with single Jennifer Anniston – though chances are  – not being a male ‘hunk’ himself, – she probably would turn down someone like him. 

Sadly people like Yann Moix view others totally superficially. This isn’t solely a male trait – women do it too – but it is all part of the problem in our society today – made worse by dating apps like Tinder  – that use looks as the No.1 criteria for suitability for a date.  If you use looks as your No. 1 criteria and only choose to go out with younger (or good looking) people, then should your relationship work out, you are going to get a great shock when looks fade – as they surely do. Show me any older person that looks as fabulous as they did at 20. It just doesn’t happen. Rather base your future happiness on character – things like kindness, generosity and faithfulness – qualities that stick with someone however old they are – and as you grow older together your love won’t tarnish or fade.

I don’t hold out much hope for Yann Moix if he keeps to his current views. And I sincerely hope no younger woman falls for him – because she will soon find herself dumped I am sure as the years roll on, and a younger person becomes more attractive. Who would want a partner like that!

The post Women over 50 too old to date appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

adfadf

The post Flirty Dancing appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

I’m really excited to be starting our 5th Dating Academy in February 2019. This year we are holding the Academy in Oxford, and we have a great group of people who will be participating in it. These lovely people are all people who have decided that they want to focus in a very determined way on finding their life partner. They may or may not be members of friends1st (although most – though not all – are) – that is not as important as being focused on their life goal – which is this case is to find a partner. We have both genders attending and a wide mix of ages. Because whether you are in your 20s or 80s, it really doesn’t matter – that God inspired desire to find a companion does not change with age.

There is nothing so powerful as focusing on a particular part of your life – and doing so with the support of an experienced mentor and in the presence of a group of like minded individuals. One the most powerful things about our Dating Academy is the accountability you get from the group. Yes the group support each other – and make great friends with each other along the way – but the accountability is key. It really makes a difference because if you say you are going to do something and then don’t do it, the group won’t be impressed.

What we find that is that people who participate in the Academy find their dating experience changes – and of course for the better. It’s partly as they take more action but that in itself is a result of their right thinking, which is a result of what they come to learn through the Academy. You see many people think Dating is easy – but if that is the case, then why are so many single people still floundering around, trying one site after another and staying single. We know why and it’s one of the big things we address and resolve on the Academy.

So if you are serious about finding someone to share your life with, and you haven’t been having much success doing it on your own, and you recognise that having someone – and a supportive group – could make a difference all the difference, then get in touch and we can discuss your suitability for joining the Academy.

The Dating Academy is a year long programme – comprising 4 all day Saturday meetings spread out throughout the year. It also includes a half day face to face with me on your own. It’s not cheap – but then nothing of great value is. To find out more give me a ring on 0121 405 0675 and ask to speak to Katharine Gray.

 

The post The Dating Academy appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been busy delivering dating coaching sessions to a number of clients. Each person I meet with has their own story, so I thought it’s only fair I share my story and how I became a dating coach.

I set up friendsfirst in 1999, I know quite alot about the members of friendsfirst through the contact I have with them over the telephone so I thought it’s only fair to let you know a little bit more about me.

I was brought up in Sussex in a Catholic family – my mother being a Catholic and my father an atheist which is probably why I have a questioning attitude towards my faith which has moved from being worked out in the Catholic tradition to now finding expression in the Church of England. I went to Edinburgh University for four years which I loved and then had a career in the health service prior to working for Sport England in both a regional and national capacity. It was during this time that on a church weekend away, a lady called Elaine Storkey encouraged our church to ‘do something’ for single people’, and I thought “Yes that’s something I could do!” I suppose the rest, as they say, is history, as friendsfirst was researched and then born, and quickly grew from being a local Birmingham organisation to the national organisation that it is today.

I started it off working from my sitting room in the small house I shared with a friend, and when we moved, from a spare bedroom that was converted into an office. Originally friendsfirst was a part time job – but after a couple of years, it became a full time job and I was able to give up my job with Sport England to concentrate fully on friendsfirst making sure members were getting the most out of the services we offered. Although we’d already had some early marriages, many more came along as I was able to devote more of my time to helping members contact and meet each other. My focus hasn’t changed down the years and I still pride myself that it’s our involvement with members on a very one to one basis that makes friendsfirst different from other similar dating agencies (and of course internet dating sites) and why so many memberships are ‘successful’.

friendsfirst has been going for over 19 years now and it still gives me such great pleasure to work here. I find getting out of bed every morning really easy knowing that the day ahead is full of purpose and meaning – this is a job where I can really make a difference to people’s lives and that is incredibly special.

Outside of work I lead a busy and fun life.

My husband is a Catholic so I sometimes go to church with him, otherwise I am a member of our small village church in which I’m involved in various activities. We are very lucky to live now in a very beautiful part of the country which we both really enjoy. I like to work hard and play hard and my attitude to life is to go for it for all it’s worth!

   

The post How I became a dating coach appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

5 Ways to Increase your personal magnetism

Increase personal magnetism some men seem to be imbued with charm and charisma. People follow them and label them natural leaders. Girls talk about all the sparks after going on dates with them. It seems as though, anything they touch turns to gold; objectively they do the same thing as you or I, but others always seem to attribute so much more to their work.

Contrary to what you may think, they are not born this way. They have magnetic personalities because they actively worked at it. Here are the five biggest things to increase your personal magnetism.

 1) Be active

Think of your favourite movie characters, James Bond, Tony Stark, or anyone ever played by Steve McQueen. What have they all got in common? They’re all men of action; they wear out their shoes, not their trousers.

Magnetic people are active, they stand when others would sit, they move when others are still. This activity makes them interesting; they have things to talk about, and things that others want to hear about which sets them apart from the crowd.

They’re not only active in their day to day lives; they’re also animated when engaging with someone. Use your hands to illustrate your ideas as you speak. It makes you seem more confident, easier to understand, and much more captivating. Despite being an evil SoB, Hitler convinced an entire country to follow him; if you watch videos of his speeches, you’ll see that he was extremely animated.

More than just their hands, even their words alone grab and captivate people. Those with charisma give emphasis to some of their words; they pause for a split second (grabbing and holding those who are listening) before certain words. This is how Winston Churchill spoke; no boring monotone drone.

Give it a try:
I’m glad to meet you, Mr. Jordan

Now, pause very briefly before the words in bold and give them a little emphasis:

I’m glad to meet you, Mr. Jordan.

See the difference?

2) Be brief

If you want people to be drawn to you, you must always leave them wanting more. Have you ever seen a movie or read a book that you just wanted to keep going? The sort that you rationed out the final chapters because you didn’t want it to end, and once it was done you craved more? That’s how you want people to feel when they’ve finished talking to you.

The key is to be brief, do not be long winded! Get to your point quickly. The famous author George Orwell once said “Never use a long word, where a short one will do” It’s the same with speech; keep it quick and to the point.

Never overstay your welcome; if people are enjoying your stories or jokes, don’t try to squeeze in a final one, stop while you’re ahead and people still want more. They’ll remember that craving for next time and they’ll be naturally drawn to you, they’ll be addicted. If people are satisfied when you’ve finished, you’ve gone too far.

Don’t wait for a date to run its course. Get that kiss and end it a little early. She’ll be impatient for the next one and eating out of the palm of your hand. Sparks will be flying for her.

3) Be cheerful

If you want people to look forward to your company, you must be cheerful; no one gets excited about seeing a Debbie Downer.

Magnetic people encourage and look for the silver lining. You need to talk about glad tidings, not calamity. Encourage others, never focus on discouragement. No matter the challenges that lie ahead, talk and act success. This is how leaders such as Ernest Shackleton have seen their men through some of the most gruelling obstacles.

Leave people feeling happier and more optimistic than you found them and they’ll look forward to your next meeting. Finally, never underestimate the power of a smile, especially during dark times.

4) Be direct

Look at the person you are talking to. There are sparks given off when one looks intently at another. It shows confidence and creates a sense of intimacy, which forges bonds.

Next time you are dealing with a salesman, note where he is looking. He will almost never look at the product he wishes to sell. Instead, he will be looking at you. They’re very livelihood is dependent on being magnetic, so I’d follow their example.

You can’t be magnetic by talking to the floor, the window, or your drink. Look people in the eye.

5) Be fearless

Have you heard girls come back from a date and say something to the effect of “He was really nice, but eh, a bit boring. But so nice” Of course you have, and we both know that Mr. Nice did not get a second date.

I had a good friend in high school, everyone liked him, he was really nice, but unless it was a group gathering, no one ever called him up to hang out. Why? He was boring. Bryan always agreed with you. Whether you proposed to see a particular movie, stated a certain political position, or commented on someone else; Bryan always agreed with you. This made him very likable, but also very dull. He was a yes man.

The natural leader stands up for what he thinks is right. If done without insulting the opposition, this always commands respect (which wins followers). Even, at times, from the opposition. It’s not enough to simply take a stand; you must do so with confidence and a steady tone. This applies to everything from boardroom decisions down to thoughts on a piece of theatre.

However, this doesn’t mean you have to be an uncompromising and stubborn ass; you don’t want to come out as a jerk. If a topic seems to be a particularly sensitive to someone, it may be best to let it slide. Similarly, once you have stated your opinion, stay open minded and consider those of others. Doing so will make you seem more fair and wise.

Have the courage to stand your ground and people will think highly of you for it. I’ll leave you with some words by Winston Churchill on just that subject: “You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

Our Members
Find out if we have other Christians living close to you!
Christian Name * Email * Yr Nearest Town * Best number to reach you on * Find out now!
Search for:

The post 5 Ways to Increase your personal magnetism appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Calling in the one

One of our Dating Academy members recently read a book which has inspired them greatly and I wanted to share it with you. Whether you are curled up in front of the fire on a winters eve or looking for a holiday read we really would recommend Calling in The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

Here’s what the author writes about it:
Are you frustrated by stymied relationships, missed connections, and the loneliness of the search for someone to spend the rest of
your life with? Are you ready, instead, to find “The One”?

In Calling in “The One”, Katherine Woodward Thomas shares her own personal experience to show women that in order to find the
relationship that will last a lifetime, you have to be truly open and ready to create a loving, committed, romantic union. Calling in “The
One” shows you how.

Based on the law of attraction, which is the concept that we can attract only what we’re ready to receive, the provocative yet simple seven-week program in Calling in “The One” prepares you to bring forth the love you seek. For each of the 49 days of Thomas’ thoughtful and life-affirming plan, there is a daily lesson, a corresponding practice, and instruction for putting that lesson into action in your life. Meditation, visualisation, and journaling exercises will gently lead you to recognise the obstacles on your path to love and provide ways to steer around them. At the end of those 49 days, you will be in the ideal emotional state to go out into the world and find “The One”.
An inspirational approach that offers a radical new philosophy on relationships, Calling in “The One” is your guide to finding the love you seek.

The 7 Deadly Relationship Sins

Do you commit any of the 7 deadly relationship sins? If you do, you may find it hard to meet your soul mate!

Search for:

The post Calling in ‘the One’ appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Dating Lessons

Dating Lessons – Maintaining a relationship is hard work, whether it is with a friend or a lover. The early days are rightfully called the honeymoon period of any relationship, with long conversations, sharing of interests, and general getting to know one another.

However the friendship or relationship can start to collapse if the initial impetus is not held on to. It is how you conduct the relationship and how much effort you invest in

it after a certain period of time which becomes the defining feature of your relationship.

These 6 ways to help a relationship develop and grow are good to know whether you are currently in a 1:1 relationship or on that path to find someone.

6 Ways to help a relationship develop and grow:

1 – Being 100% there while your friend is speaking is really important. You may think that you can multitask while listening to someone else but you can’t. Our brain can handle only one task at a time and therefore, it suspends work on one thing while completing the other. Giving someone your full and undivided attention is a great gift to give them and the dividend you’ll receive back is great. You
will find that if you really listen to someone, you can gauge a lot about the person through the nuances of their voice than what they actually say.

Maintaining eye contact is an interesting way to deepen a conversation without words being spoken, as it increases intimacy. The eyes are the windows to our soul and the deeper one looks into them the deeper they can see into our very being. Our vulnerabilities are visible through our eyes, and maintaining eye contact is an established way of increasing intimacy.

Sharing feelings of spirituality is a great way to open up to another. Our Christian faith is something that is deep, meaningful and valuable for us. Allowing another person access to how we feel about it shows that we trust them. We may also find that we view our beliefs in a different light once we have taken the trouble to share them with someone new.

2 – Being emotionally available to our partners is something that should come naturally to us but often doesn’t. We are so caught up in our own affairs that we build a shell around ourselves and don’t let people get to know the real us. This may be due to reasons of insecurity or lack of trust. Needless to say, lack of trust and insecurities do not make for a successful or healthy relationship. Being
emotionally available to your partner is the perfect way of sharing a life together.

3 – Acceptance is the key to understanding. We often have to compromise on a lot of small things in order to realise the greater goals of togetherness. For example, it doesn’t really matter if your partner refuses to like the TV show that you are such a fan of. At the end of the day, will these things count or will issues like trust, dependence, love be counted? So accept the fact that your partner is an individual entity with individual likes and dislikes that may not be in accordance with your own. Acceptance holds the key to a successful relationship.

4 – Support: There are four kinds of support according to research. Newlyweds have claimed that physical and emotional support as well as informational and support to the self-esteem, are all very important. Supporting your partner through thick and thin, making him or her feel that they can count on you is such an important thing in a relationship that it cannot be overstated. The right kind and the right level of support is the real trick. You don’t want to stifle the other person with your constant advice but you also should be there for him or her when they need it. Striking a balance in this case is absolutely crucial.

5 – Laughing together is another important activity because it helps us unwind and is also the perfect way to make a fight dissolve. Laughing is not just something we do at a joke but it is an established way of social interaction and resolving undefined tensions between people.

6 – Finding common interests is very important. Let the seven year itch not get you or your relationship down. Find and pursue common interests together. There are only so much of sweet nothings which you can whisper in the course of a relationship. Finding common interests will help you both grow together.

Our Members
Find out if we have other Christians living close to you!
Christian Name * Email * Yr Nearest Town * Best number to reach you on * Find out now!
Search for:

The post Dating Lessons appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Why do we have unhappy and failed marriages today? We came across this very thought provoking ‘Why do we have unhappy and failed marriages today?’ article by Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo, Professor of Biology, and Ordained, Licensed Minister in USA which we thought might give you lots to ponder on as you seek a marriage partner.

Sometimes I wonder if this present generation tops the list of dysfunctional families, unhappy homes, and failed marriages ever recorded since the beginning of time. We know that marriage has never been always smooth-sailing and ‘everyday-sweet’ for any married persons in this world, but it appears that the marital responsibilities and required duties are too taxing for many married individuals of our time. What should provide us with joy and peace rather constitutes a wearisome drudgery that often gives us pain. In summary, too many people are merely enduring their marriages and other relationships reluctantly, rather than enjoying them.

Technological advancement and modern development have reached their peak in several respects, but human development in terms of good human relationships and productive family life have eluded us. True family values that form the original foundations of our present societies have sunk to their lowest levels in history. Even African cultures and other localities in the world, where traditional family bonds are reputed to be very strong, are developing fragile family bonds at alarming rates. Families in these traditional places are known to be energized by the strongest sense of community, extraordinary family connections, unflinching home support, and formidable bonds of marital solidarity, but are now seen to be precipitating downhill towards self-centeredness at alarming rates, and disintegrating very fast. Selfishness, greed, self-sufficiency, rebellious independence, and selfish ambition have characterized most relationships, especially marriages and romantic associations. I believe that many expectations are not met, family and marital productivity have dwindled, marital contentment is at its lowest point, and married individuals feel disappointed today because they have been deceived to entertain the wrong impression that you enter into marriage to enjoy a finished product. This unfortunate idea is far from correct.

Often marriages begin on the wrong footing, and some marriages are even dead on arrival. In other words,  marriages may not be started right. Some people force their partner to establish bonds that cannot be formed in any way, and even if they appear to stick together, will never remain joined together for any appreciable length of time. Many people begin their marriage in a lighthearted manner without the required seriousness, commitment, and proper principles and practices in place. The worst situation is when a marriage starts in an immoral or deceitful way, with a relationship plagued by fornication, perversions, deceptions, selfishness, prejudice, and lies. Apart from incurring God’s displeasure from sinful acts (unless there is true repentance), the respect of the man and woman for each other quickly vanishes. If you start any deep relationship without the required respect for each other, you can never join together peacefully and joyfully to accomplish anything successful.

In marriage, you are provided with the essential ingredients, similar to the enjoyment of any meal. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO PREPARE YOUR OWN FOOD PROPERLY BEFORE YOU CAN TRULY ENJOY IT, AND CONFIDENTLY DISH IT OUT TO OTHERS FOR THEIR ENJOYMENT AS WELL. Our skills and preferences are different, and no meal of any two people will be exactly the same, although our original ingredients will be identical. We can draw inspiration from one another but can never (and should not even try to) be the same, although we can come very close to being alike. Lack of understanding of this underlying principle has caused our expectations to become too high for the kind of grade we wish to assign for the performance of our partners. We are always comparing our performance and the qualities in our mates with others, and robbing ourselves of the wisdom of appreciating our partners. We miss the joy of humble thanksgiving to God for His gifts, and development of grateful hearts that are truly prepared as responsible stewards to receive more from the Lord. This leads to the next problem of our inability, ignorance, or refusal to make any initial efforts (on our part) to diligently put our required contributions into the relationship container first before fetching anything out of the marriage bucket.

Please, understand that it is your spiritual, moral, physical, and social obligation to use wisdom and skill given by God (the originator of all things), and good counsel from experienced people, to carefully put the marital ingredients together properly, for your enjoyment, satisfaction, and success of your own marriage. You should therefore know what qualities to look for before you choose someone as your permanent partner in marriage. Carnal feelings, fantasies, personal enjoyment, urges from people, and personal desires, should be at the back seat of your moves, and not unduly promoted to occupy the driving seat of your life for important decisions and choices. Every marriage is therefore not an end in itself; it is rather a means to an end. It is not an arrival; it is a life-long journey instead. There are those who RUSH into marriage unprepared, and end up in dissatisfaction, failure, and disaster. The commitment and duties are too awesome for any ad hoc or “interim” measures to survive the heavy load of responsibilities, obligations, and management of the resulting benefits and blessings.

No one really gets fully prepared for marriage in this life, but there are fundamental moral, physical, mental, spiritual, financial, social, academic, and other forms of preparations that a person needs to acquire before he or she can have a successful marriage relationship. You cannot in any way succeed in realizing a fruitful marriage and very productive family life if, for example, you do not develop the fear of God, a spirit of forgiveness, a heart of love and sharing, sensitivity to people’s needs and their rights, respect and appreciation for your partner, and commitment to your expected domestic duties. Some people are able to grope and struggle through their difficulties, and discover ultimate solutions to their marital and family life problems. They consequently work their way through in dedicated teamwork, till they get on the right track together for success and contentment. The majority of “unprepared”, ignorant, and non-committed folk, however, do not make it very far, and end up creating untold permanent damage to themselves and others who come within their sphere of influence.

During one of my radio programmes on marriage and family life in Kumasi (second largest city of Ghana) sometime ago, a man called on air with a sincere and urgent tone and made the following appeal: “Two of my male friends who are too young to handle the responsibilities of family life rushed into marriage recently. Both had nice wedding ceremonies. Within four months after their wedding, both divorced their wives. In my opinion, the government should pass a law stipulating that if you marry and divorce your spouse within the first two years, you should be put in jail for one year.” Well, all of us laughed at the proposition, but agreed with the seriousness of the prevailing marital disasters and desecration of the holiest of human institutions, and understood why some people advocate for urgent measures to curb the messy situation.

It is interesting that some time ago on one radio station in the US I heard the following: “In the United States, at least 1.2 million couples divorce every year; most of these are not even represented by any lawyer during the divorce procedure. The solution to this serious problem is the offering of Good Pre-Marital Instruction (Teaching).” Present analysis indicates that the divorce figures given at that time are even higher now (in 2010) with grim statistics staring at us.

It amazed me that the radio station spelt out the exact solution for most marriage problems that I was going to propose, and have been campaigning for — post-marital counselling or program, after providing very practical pre-marital counselling before the marriage.

In my opinion, lack of adequate knowledge about the partner that the one has chosen to marry, plus the absence or insufficiency of pre-marital as well as post-marital counselling, contribute a lot towards failed marriages, broken down romantic relationships, and unhappy homes, creating most of the marital tragedies we see so rampant around us.

People lack the essential values and principles that will enable them to know the real meaning of marriage, and to become equipped to deal with future problems that will emerge, and for them to understand exactly what they are going in for on entering into the marriage.

The majority of married people become disappointed soon after living with their spouses, and never seem to get past their disappointments until the relationship grows sour for the rest of their lives. Most of such marriages end up tragically in divorce. Some couples separate and never come together again, although they do not officially divorce. Others manage to merely coexist without any joy, peace, or satisfaction. Their bodies are present in the house, but their minds and spirits are far apart, and are rather diverted and focused on other people and different things. Infidelity easily creeps in, mixed with deception, lies, selfishness, wanton living, and often wickedness and vengeance. Sicknesses like high blood pressure, ulcers, depression, and mental derangement tend to characterize these individuals, as a result of worry, anxiety, fear, anger, and frustration. Instead of joint partnership, each person in a dysfunctional marriage has his or her own separate agenda. In such instances, communication, the key to any meaningful relationship, completely breaks down.

Marriage and all relationships go through seasons. There are important lessons to learn for each season, in order for marriage to fulfil its God-intended purpose which is to teach us about the relationship between Christ and the Church. God uses the relationship to build godly character in you. How God uses the weaknesses of your partner to expose your own weaknesses, for you to see your real needs, and allow God to use the relationship to change you for the acquisition of wisdom and better service. Mutual Bible meditation and mutual prayer (in addition to individual devotions), will always dissolve anger, pride, selfishness, resentment, discouragement, un-forgiveness, hurts, and disappointments. Such mutual fellowship subjected to the power of God also opens the door for mutual open discussion (dialogue) along with listening ears and humble hearts to listen, deepen love, and make every effort to plan, say, and do what makes each other productive and happy in the relationship. Common faith, obedience to God’s word, humility, and agreement between a husband and a wife, are very important for answers to prayer, and for God to pour more of His blessings into the marriage, so that one side would not just be selfish with God’s gifts and provisions. Wise and godly management of resources is also important, in order to demonstrate faithfulness to God, and the ability to become trustworthy for more important things to be entrusted to you, along with more blessings from the Lord for proper use and stewardship. The husband must do his best to make time for the wife, appreciate, and love her deeply; and the wife must humbly submit to the leadership of the husband, support him fully, and show him utmost respect.

Communication is the life blood of all good and productive relationships, and must be whipped up strongly throughout the entire period of the marriage relationship especially with lively conversation. The two people must determine to bond with each other in sincere intimacy and good romance. The bond of love and romance will grow stronger with time as both practice romantic, loving, and affectionate acts constantly. The couple should learn how to make joint decisions and engage in joint parenting.

I have personally found the following combination very useful for good intimacy: Holding our hands to pray; studying the Bible together; going out together (including church services and programs); sharing some entertainment activities together; mutual house cleaning and performance of other chores; engaging in a lot of good lively conversation; sharing of our minds; close and prolonged hugging; good mutual lovemaking; saying “sorry” promptly and forgiving offences very quickly; regular passionate kissing and petting; letting people know where you go to or where you are coming from; financial honesty; provision of basic needs of each other; and keeping regular contact with home when you are out of the house —- this good mixture is a powerful concrete anyone can use to build a strong foundation of marital love, romance, true commitment, fruitfulness, and success. As you decide to fully enjoy each other in the marriage, and make every effort to live in forgiveness and tolerance, you allow God to gradually use the relationship to build humility, passionate love, godliness, and strong character in you. The secret of change is that if you want people to change, you must change first. One of the best attitudes towards marriage is to regard your partner and his or her home (your in-laws) as your special mission field. Your spouse should finally become your closest friend.

In summary, it is discovered that when the two people in a marriage do not adequately know and understand each other, and do not especially gain a real meaning of marriage and the total implications of a permanent joint partnership to make a home and build a family life, then all the marriage vows are broken, the basic principles become violated, resources are wantonly dissipated, and the precious marital and family values are defiantly abrogated and relegated to shambles. I believe that most people who marry do so with some of the common, handed-down shallow ideas about marriage in view without adequate preparations and a strong desire for commitment. They do not therefore really begin the relationship well in the way they have to, because they did not originally UNDERSTAND clearly what the institution of marriage is really meant for, and WHY THE TWO OF THEM DECIDED TO JOIN THEIR LIVES TOGETHER IN THE PERMANENT BOND OF MARRIAGE. Marriage is the unique union between one man and one woman, and no one should be allowed to come between the couple and interfere with the sacred union. However, it must be understood that marriage does not ultimately become a relationship between only you and your partner with no connections at all, but marriage causes the creation of a family (close and extended family relations), and brings other persons (children and in-laws, and even friends) into your lives for the establishment of blood relations, permanent associations, and very close relations that will forever remain in the historical records on earth. Ask yourself this question as you go forward: Do you really understand marriage, making a home, and real family life? If not, are you ready to learn and practice what you are taught?

The post Unhappy and failed Marriages appeared first on Friends1st.

Read Full Article

Read for later

Articles marked as Favorite are saved for later viewing.
close
  • Show original
  • .
  • Share
  • .
  • Favorite
  • .
  • Email
  • .
  • Add Tags 

Separate tags by commas
To access this feature, please upgrade your account.
Start your free month
Free Preview