Today in this video, John Keegan explains why “To Compare is to Despair”: by comparing your self to others you are playing a dangerous game of self sabotage.
True, a select few people use comparison to fuel their success, but those are far and few between. For this reason things such as social media, where people are painting this fake persona and picture of their (fake) “Perfect” lives, is extremely toxic to one’s mental health. It puts a halt on progression out of sheer jealousy and frustration.
Be yourself don’t let others alter your path.
To Compare Is To Despair: How To Control Jealousy And Insecurity | Dating And Life Advice - YouTube
Here is a message to all of you who believe in shortcuts.
They do not exist.
Let me explain why, and let me get through to you, finally.
First, let’s look at your life.
How many things have changed for you in an instant?
To go even deeper, how many bad behaviors, lifelong thoughts, have changed for you? When you started doing something different, and it worked, right away?
The answer’s going to be zero.
Anything that changes in your life takes time.
You’ll watch a lesson on something, whatever it might be. A lesson on how to work out. How to trade stocks. How to lose weight. Whatever it is.
You watched that lesson. The lesson will resonate with you. It’ll make sense.
You feel like, I could do this.
The person who’s teaching it makes sense. It works for them. I understand it.
And then what do you do? Then you go out, and you try it, right?
It works a little.
It doesn’t work a little.
And then what happens? Sooner or later, you’re frustrated.
You’ll send an e-mail to me, if it was my program, or you’ll send an e-mail to somebody, and say,
Oh, this doesn’t work.
I tried it, and it doesn’t work for me.
See, what you’re doing wrong — and what you’ve always been doing wrong, and the reason why you’re continuing to fail over and over again — is because you’re not re-watching the lesson.
You see, when I’m learning something new, I re-watch lessons over and over again. Every time I watch them, I learn something different.
I realize something different.
And then, I go and apply the lessons. It’s still not working fully for me, because, well, I am not fully there yet.
You see, I’ve got some new traits that I’m trying to learn. And, being realistic about that new trait is very important.
I don’t expect things to change in an instant for me.
I know that it takes time to actually make changes.
It takes time to implement the new habit that I’m learning. So, what I do is re-watch the lessons over and over and over and over again.
Each time I watch them, I pick up something different. Then, when I go apply them, I get a little bit better. Tiny, tiny bit better. When you place two fingers together, maybe I get that little bit better every single time.
Why does life have to work this way?
Well, because you have wiring inside your brain that causes you to not pick something up right away.
You have stories that need to be broken down.
You have rejections and failures that have been cemented in your brain.
So, of course it’s going to take time for you to understand and learn something, and that’s completely fine.
You’re going to get better at something through repetition.
So, for all you magic-pill people out there who think you’re going to change something immediately, you’re 100% wrong, and you will continue to fail all the time.
Hopefully, this lesson works, today.
I’d reread it several times, and let’s see if that gets through your thick skull.
What do you say when a woman you’re interested in says, “I have a boyfriend”?
Well, here are a few ways a guy like you can react.
Pursue Her Anyway
I’ve seen some guys do this, maybe because they think it’s “alpha,” or maybe because they think the girl is lying to them. As in, “There’s no way she’s dating someone else who’s not me, so I’m gonna go for it anyway.”
Bad move, my friend. Stunts like these don’t come off as confident. They’re arrogant and abrasive.
This is where I’d say 99% of guys fall into.
She says she has a boyfriend, so you just walk away with your head hung low in defeat.
You tried, and you failed — that’s your mentality.
But again, this isn’t the mindset to have.
Just because a woman says she’s got a boyfriend, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story. There’s no reason to walk away yet…
Do What I Say In the Video Below
Watch the video below to find out what you should actually do.
I can almost guarantee you’ve never thought of this before — and better yet, no other guy is doing this when he approaches that woman.
So watch below to learn once and for all what you should do and say whenever you hear those words you probably dread: “I have a boyfriend.”
David Wygant: What To Say When She’s Says I Have a Boyfriend | Dating Advice - YouTube
This is a message to all of you who think you can change somebody.
You think you have those powers, those magical powers of being a change agent, and being able to change somebody.
But, here’s reality for you.
You can’t change somebody.
You can be their cheerleader.
You can support them.
You can hope and wish and pray, and say man, if they only would change this about themselves, they’d be great to be in a relationship with.
Well, let me tell you something: they may like who they are.
They may like being stuck. They may like being overweight. They may like everything about them.
The thing is, you’re settling.
It’s something I hear from clients all the time: I just don’t like their body.
If I can just get them to go to the gym, they’d be great.
Well, here’s a dose of reality for you…
If you don’t like their body, and they’re not going to the gym for themselves, and they weren’t before you met them, there’s no way in the world you’re going to get them to do it for you.
And the fact of the matter is, you’re just going to dislike their body the longer you’re with them.
Because they don’t have the same workout ethic that you have. They don’t have the same body that you want and you’re not attracted to their body.
It’s not going to change, it’s just going to magnify, and that’s just one example.
The bad habits that you want to ignore, the things that they do in the beginning, you just ignore it because you’re settling.
Well, that shit is just going to magnify because you can’t change that person.
That person is who they are.
They might be content with who they are
They might be happy with who they are.
Now, I’m not saying that you can’t support them, because if they really want to change, you can be there to support them and encourage them and inspire them.
If they want to start doing the things that you want for them, because they want to do it for themselves, then you’ve got a winner.
Then you’ve got somebody who you actually can support. You actually can help them. You actually can co-conspire and co-inspire with them.
That’s the only way to do it.
Otherwise, you’re just going to be fooling yourself day in and day out.
What you don’t like about them and what you think you can change about them is just going to magnify when you realize that they do not want to change that about themselves, and they don’t have the power to do it.
Think about it the next time you meet somebody and you settle for something that you don’t want, or settle for somebody you’re half-attracted to.
It’s just going to magnify and get worse, unless you’ve met somebody who truly is inspired to do the things that you see in them, because they’re doing it for themselves.
Otherwise, you’re going to drive yourself nuts, and you don’t want that.
When you’re self aware, you realize when you’re in a bad habit mode.
I want you to look at your life right now, because this is about you, not about me.
Do I have some bad habits? Absolutely.
And when I catch myself in a bad habit cycle, I really have a cold dose of reality.
You see, every morning when we wake up, we try to eliminate our bad habits. A lot of us wake up always refreshed and feeling positive. Feeling like today is going to be the day we are going to finally eliminate the bad habits.
We get excited.
And what happens? Well, bad habits are hard to break.
For those of you who are overweight, you know how soothing those carbs and sugars can be for you.
For those of you who are frustrated the way your body looks, you know how easy it is to avoid going to the gym.
For a lot of you, you can’t seem to connect with the opposite sex on a deeper level.
And you know the bad habits are holding you back.
Bad habits are really challenging.
They’re really difficult.
Especially when those habits become ingrained deeper and even deeper.
The more you do the bad habits, the most you’re cognizant of that habit, the more you are constantly living the bad habit.
And that’s where the real challenge starts to come.
So how do we get rid of these bad habits?
The first thing is recognition.
You want to recognize the bad habits. You want to look at that bad habit, and you want to ask yourself: how long have I been doing this bad habit for?
You need a little bit of reality.
You really need to understand how deeply ingrained this bad habit has been for you, and how far you’ve taken this bad habit.
The second thing you need to do is realize that you’re going to have to make some drastic changes.
And you need to realize that the process of getting rid of this bad habit is going to be very, VERY uncomfortable. Because when you’ve been in a bad habit cycle, you can’t just wake up one morning and say, “habit be gone!”
Because you’re comfortable in that bad habit.
You’re so used to it that you’re comfortable in that bad habit.
So what do you need to do?
This is where it gets challenging, folks.
This is what separates winners from losers.
This is what separates people who want it compared to people who talk about it.
You’re going to have to be in a really extended period of discomfort.
Not just for one day.
Because there is no one-day fix to the bad habit.
You’re going to have to really commit to eliminating that bad habit, and you’re going to have to be uncomfortable for at least two weeks to see any bit of progress.
More realistically, it’s going to take you a month to distance yourself from that bad habit. Which means that you’re going to feel anxiety, stress.
You’re going to feel it.
You can feel it throughout your whole body, as you try to eliminate the bad habit.
But the best thing about this is that every single day, if you can survive (which you will, trust me), you will survive through the anxiety and the stress. Every day you can go through that stress and anxiety, you will start to distance yourself from that bad habit.
But it’s going to take time, it’s going to take commitment, and it’s going to take perseverance.
Here’s something you see almost daily, especially while driving: the drifter and texter.
I would say if you count the amount of times you see this happen, you would run out of fingers on your hands and toes.
There are a few versions of these clueless assholes: There’s the walker texter, there’s the elevator texter, and there’s the person who really doesn’t give a shit if anybody else is there, because they need to get that text in.
Well, that person just starts drifting into a light. They see the red light, they grab their precious phone, their slimy, greasy iPhone screen that’s never clean, it’s like a borderline for bacteria and leprosy.
They know that there’s a red light coming up, so they’ll start slowing down, and then they’ll put their head in the position of downward motion, a position that only used to be reserved for cunnilingus and blowjobs.
Anyway, they’ll usually leave at least three or four car lengths ahead. They tend to be the person you need to honk at to wake up, because they still have to get that text or Instagram post or whatever the fuck it is in.
Then you have another version: the walker texter. Walking down a busy city street with not a clue that anybody else is around. They’ll just walk right into you if you allow it. Why?
Because they’ve got to get their text in.
Very, very important to get back to somebody who’s not there. They’re not even part of your current reality, and that’s what makes no sense.
People just spend so much time more concerned with people that aren’t in their current reality than people that are actually in their current reality.
So that’s what a modern asshole looks like.
So today I want you to count the amount of times you see this, or actually catch yourself doing it, and tell me how you feel.
Do you ever run in and see somebody that you know you know?
You instantly feel something for them, a sense of attraction or sense of familiarity, but you just can’t place it. You think, well maybe that’s just somebody I want to know.
Then all of a sudden, you start talking to them and you realize you do know them. They look at you, they smile because they know you. But, you don’t remember where you know them from. But you know they’re a good person. You know that you’ve shared some type of moment with them.
But, you don’t remember where or when.
I have met so many people in my life that occasionally I’ll run into somebody and I don’t remember where I know them from. I could’ve gone out on a date with them years back.
It could’ve been somebody who was in one of my bigger seminars.
I like to talk to them and have a wonderful connection with them because I have met so many people in my life, but I don’t remember everybody or even how I first met them.
But, here is something that I do know.
It’s a feeling that I have.
If I run into somebody that I don’t remember exactly where I shared a moment with them or how I know them, I have a feeling. That feeling connects me to them. I know they’re a good person.
I know that I’ve had a moment with them in the past.
I have a gentle, warm feeling all over even if I can’t remember exactly where and when we had our moment.
But, it’s interesting. People will leave me with an everlasting feeling. That’s really what matters. It’s not the details that matter, but it’s the energy that you have shared with someone, the connections you have and the feeling that you have when you’re with that person the second time or third time or fourth time you run into them.
It’s interesting how we view that.
We’re always trying to remember everything, but it’s impossible. Especially in today’s busy life.
So, tap into that emotional core of who you are. Tap into the emotional feeling core.
And ask yourself, I may not remember who this person is.
I may not remember the exact moment we shared, but I like to be around this person.
So whatever we shared was obviously a really, really good moment. I look forward to seeing this person again.
A lot of people will think, maybe it’s your memory.
But it’s not your memory, because you tap into the feeling side of life, things tend to be a little more different, changes around a little bit for you.
It ain’t because of my thoughts, so if I ever run into you and we’ve met, and I don’t remember your name but I’m warm and nice, I’m tapping into that feeling core.
Don’t be insulted if I don’t remember your name or when we got together.
Just realize that our paths have crossed yet again and the same good feelings are coming up again for you.
But really, struggling just means that you’re not accomplishing what you want to accomplish.
Whatever task you have at that present moment feels like a mountain that you need to climb.
Lately, I’ve been learning the stock market.
In the beginning I was doing well, but then I hit a pitfall. I had one bad day.
Ever since then, what was once fun has been a complete struggle.
And yet, I continue to study. I continue to read, watch videos, take courses.
But still I continue to have a daily struggle.
I’ve probably spent about 4 hours a day trading the market. Most of the time I break even.
It’s a struggle.
It’s a struggle to overcome my fears.
I have fear when I’m in there.
Am I going to lose? Am I going to lose money? Let me get out, fast, I don’t want to lose.
I’ve got that whole have-to-win mentality, when in reality, losing is all part of the game, and it’s all part of life.
Nobody can win all the time.
Nobody, not even Bill Belichick.
Not even Tom Brady.
Nobody wins all the time.
There are losses in life.
And through the losses, you actually learn some of the most valuable lessons that you ever can have.
To get over the hump.
To get to the next level of you, it’s going to be a struggle.
There’s no way around it.
Because if there was a way around it, we’d all figure it out and we’d all buy a program, a drug, whatever it might be to get around the struggle.
I sit in my struggles four hours a day. It’s not fun.
It’s not fun to be in a chat room and hear people makes lots of money on plays that I was too afraid to take.
The minute I hear that, I immediately go into feeling defeated, feeling uptight and insecure.
And then, what happens next is I struggle even more.
Because that’s what we do in life.
You’re out at a bar.
You see some guy approach some beautiful girl and they leave together.
And then, you feel defeated.
You feel like it’s never going to happen for you and your start getting in your head and comparing yourself to somebody who has probably worked really hard on themselves, struggled a lot and finally got over it.
We don’t look at that.
We just look at the instant result that happened to come up in that moment, that trigger of feeling not worthy.
You’re trying to lose weight, and you’re at the gym, and you’re doing well. And then, you see somebody who’s in great shape. You don’t know their story at all, but you still think to yourself, man, when is that going to happen to me.
Or your neighbor is making a lot of money and they go on great vacations and you’re struggling right now. You wish you could go on those vacations but you’re struggling to build a business and you’re struggling to make your life fantastic. And then, you feel worse.
It’s human nature because when we’re struggling we look at other people who are doing well and we think to ourselves, man, are we ever going to get there? Are we ever going to get to the point where we want to go? Are we ever going to get to the point where we’re able to get past our struggles?
The answer is yes.
It may not feel that way in the moment.
It may feel like the struggle is going to last forever, but if you continue to put in the time, don’t make the excuses and continue to do the work, you will get past whatever you’re struggling with in whatever timeframe it’s meant to be.
The old cliche Rome wasn’t built in a day rings true.
When you’re working on something that has been an Achilles heel for you so long, it’s going to take a lot more time than being what we all wish to be: an overnight sensation.
I hope the first word that comes to your mind is not drugs or alcohol, because you’re just medicating what is bothering you.
We all have escapes.
We all have things that we need to do in order to escape the day-to-day life that we live.
Some of us come home and put the TV on for three or four hours, and we call it “zoning out.”
In reality, it’s really not zoning out. It’s escaping.
It’s escaping and avoiding whatever is truly bothering you, truly on your mind.
Some of us reach for drugs and alcohol.
We say it’s good to have a glass of wine or two a night, good for our heart, good for our blood.
Some would say it’s okay to smoke a joint after a rough day because it relaxes you.
But in reality, shouldn’t you be able to relax yourself?
Isn’t that what medication mindset is all about?
To be able to relax yourself, to be able to work on yourself and get past the things that’s stressing you out so you’re able to do it naturally.
Some of us shop.
We love it. We get to escape in the world of online shopping and online returning. During that process, we’re able to get our minds off of what truly is bothering us.
Look, I believe any escape, as long as it’s healthy, is fun and good and needed.
But when you self medicate on drugs, alcohol, shopping, things that continue to build up your credit card debt or continue to make you feel lousy the next morning, even if you overeat as one of the ways you can escape…
…then you’re doing more harm than good. You’re not looking at the problem itself.
You’re not looking at where you’re at in your life and what you truly, truly need to work on.
Escapism is not healthy when it means doing things that will hurt you in the long run.
But take a look at how you escape. Take a look at the reasons why you escape.
And then get really honest and radically direct with yourself.
There’s an old joke that starts off, how are you today?
And the person goes, do you really want to know?
And the answer always is no.
I live my life with the intention to live it to the fullest. I handle the cards that are dealt to me, and I accept and make the most of it.
When my mother was a young woman, she lost my brother.
My brother was 10 months old, I was about two and a half.
He died of pneumonia.
My mother so wanted it to be SIDS, but in reality, it was really just pneumonia. She didn’t check on him, he was coughing, and he passed away an hour later.
A tragedy in every which way. One that greatly affected my childhood on so many levels.
When I was five and a half, my mother decided that she couldn’t deal with the pain anymore of what her life was, and decided to try to end it.
My mother and I talked about this very freely before she passed away, so it’s not a wound to me at all. It’s actually a chance to really prove a point and really give you a perspective on what life truly is.
My mother went 65 miles an hour into a parked car. The car was broken down in the left-hand lane, and my mother did not stop. There were no skid-marks. Four more cars piled up behind us, and my mother for the rest of her life, had major back issues.
I developed scoliosis from the impact of that car wreck. You’ll see pictures of me before the car wreck and after the car wreck, and I’m off to an angle. This was the ’60s. There was no chiropractors, nobody really looked at my back, they just figured I was a kid, I was okay. But I literally went from the back seat to the front seat.
I’ve had back issues for a long time. I’ve got a blown L4-L5, and there are days where I’m just so stiff, it’s so uncomfortable.
There are other days where my butt is burning so bad that I have trouble sitting.
I go freeze and go to cryotherapy five days a week to get rid of any and all inflammation so I’m in more comfort.
If I skip stretching one day, I feel it the next day. I’m extra stiff.
I still work out three, four, five times a week.
But I make sure I stretch every single day. There are days that I get headaches from my back being all wonked out.
But you will never, ever hear me complain, because I feel blessed that I’m alive.
We’re all living in pain. We’ve all got nagging injuries. We’ve all got things that we need to take care of and do, but it doesn’t stop me as it stops other people.
I don’t take pain pills, I don’t take aspirin, I don’t smoke pot, and I don’t drink alcohol.
I don’t complain.
Because I feel blessed to be alive.
I feel blessed to be able to live, and nothing’s going to be able to stop me from experiencing life to my fullest.
So I’m given a little bit of a handicap. I’m given something that I need to overcome. I’m given something that is a challenge for me. And it’s okay, because I rise to that occasion. I embrace my challenges. I do that because I have one shot to be alive as me, and I’m going to take this shot and make the most of it.
That’s how I am choosing to live my life, and that’s how I choose to live it on a daily basis. It’s why you need to look at your own life right now, and see what and how you’re complaining, and ask yourself why you allow things to hold you back. It’s mindset, my friend. It’s the key to life in every which way.
And it’s the only way you’re ever going to get past your shit is believing that life is truly a gift.
P.S. The mindset of complaining vs. the mindset of gratitude is part of your programmed thoughts and beliefs. And that’s harder to get over than it sounds.
The good news is that, for a limited time, I’m opening up my groundbreaking mindset reprogramming program (previously available ONLY to my private coaching clients) — apply below while there are still spots left!