On a scale from one to ten, ten being extreme and one being the most joyous Disney character you can be, are you more like a smiling, happy-go-lucky Mickey Mouse.
Or are you more like one of the seven dwarves, and people tend to call you Grumpy all the time. No matter what happens, you tend to look at the negative side of things and not the positive side of things.
There are a lot of people in this world who would rather be Grumpy than Mickey. They’d rather take life and turn it into a lemon and make life a birthday cake.
Well, it’s interesting. The Internet has enabled us to be even more negative than ever before.
The Internet is full of amazing resources. Information, articles, videos. You can just get on Youtube and put positive videos up, and you’ll have people like myself and Wayne Dire and Tony Robins come into your life.
But that’s not what people like to do. People like to be validated as Grumpy, instead of unleashing the inner Mickey.
Why. Why do people do that. Why do people seek negativity. Well, it’s simple. They want to be validated. And we suffer from validation as human beings. We want to know that somebody else is as shitty as we are, then that way we don’t feel like we’re doing it all alone. And that’s a dangerous mind set to do.
We want to be validated. If we can’t meet men or we can’t meet women, we want to know that somebody else is having equally as bad time. So we get on the Internet and we find somebody else in an article saying dating sucks, life sucks, life’s not fair.
Whatever it is, you find the other negative Grumpy that will validate where you’re at, because for human beings, it’s easier to be negative than positive. It’s easier to quit. It’s easier to say something won’t work for me. It’s easier to do all that stuff.
Why. Why is it easier to do that.
Because you’re familiar. It’s easier to do that because it’s familiar to where you feel. You see, moving forward, moving past your shit is unfamiliar. Staying in your shit is familiar. So you may try something once or twice. You may give it a whirl and an attempt, but in reality, it’s far greater to stay in your mess. It’s far greater to stay in your shit.
Because then you don’t have to try. Because you don’t want to fail, so you’d rather remain a failure. Failure’s easier to sit in.
You can just rationalize and just go, “I guess it wasn’t for me. You see, nothing’s supposed to work for me.”
A lot of people choose to do that. A lot of people live their life like that. A lot of people do that because they don’t want to change. On the surface, they do, but deep down, deep inside, their programming is so deep. Programming that mom and dad gave us. Programming so deep that there’s nothing that we can do. But that’s where it’s wrong.
There’s a lot you can do, and the first thing to do is actually- DO.
Nobody likes to hang out with Grumpy. Everybody would rather hang out with Mickey. I can sit here and give you more wise words of wisdom, but in reality, it doesn’t really matter once you actually start doing it, one step at a time.
That’s all it takes.
One tiny step, one tiny win leads to another win, which leads to better happiness.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you’re not going to change just because you bought the Miracle Course that tells you you can change in three minutes or less.
First off, I don’t even know if you can call it a city.
There’s a downtown that is actually becoming a city. Downtown LA is actually one of my favorite places to be and to go because it actually has a pulse.
But, in Downtown LA you’re paying $1M for a lost condo that overlooks tents.
Everywhere you turn in Los Angeles there’s tents.
I live in Westwood.
I live a neighborhood where there’s $2M homes.
But, in the same neighborhoods as these $2M homes you’ve got two tent cities sitting on the outskirts.
Not only that, you can live in a $2M home in Los Angeles that is probably about $200,000 in most other places.
And, you have the benefit, or the beauty, of looking at a multi-use apartment building across the street that was built somewhere in the ’60s or ’70s and it is horrific-looking in every way, shape, and form. You’ll see beautiful homes next to repulsive architectural nightmare apartment buildings that were put together in two hours in 1958 to 1975.
Traffic in this city is one of the worst experiences you’ll ever have.
As I am dictating this, I am now 37 minutes into a drive that usually takes seven minutes.
That’s right, 37 minutes. I’ve been sitting on this one street, and I’ve made it literally from one stop sign to the next, and it took 25 minutes to go from one stop sign to the next stop sign.
Because too many people live here.
Public transportation sucks.
Everybody is in their car.
And, traffic is literally all day long.
Rush hour doesn’t exist here. Rush hour is all day long.
But yet, every single day, people move here for the weather.
They want the sunshine.
They want the blue skies.
But, for the sunshine and the blue skies comes a huge price.
You’ve got to live in a city that’s almost unlivable right now.
I’m 20 years in Los Angeles so I know what Los Angeles is like.
I want out.
I am dying to get out of this place.
You ask why I can’t?
Well, when you’re a father and you share a child with somebody else, they have to move as well, so it all comes down to everybody agreeing.
Housing in Los Angeles is almost as expensive as New York City, but you also get to pay a lot more to live here because you have to have a car. Auto insurance rates are some of the highest in the nation, and the price of gas, which is about $2.29 a gallon in Texas and Florida is $3.99 a gallon in Los Angeles; $1.70 a gallon more. Why? I call it the sunshine tax.
I believe that California’s state taxes are slightly higher than everywhere else. Not $1.70 higher, but it’s been an issue in California forever. The oil companies gouge drivers in California so they can make massive profits because there’s no other way to get around. Florida and Texas has no public transportation either, but yet gas is $1.70 lower.
The sunshine is overrated. The weather is boring.
The dry, hot weather that lasts into November causes massive fires that actually make the bad air quality even worse.
This is not Utopia, folks. People imagine life in LA to be something that it’s not.
Life in LA is annoying, it’s a nuisance, and you need to rethink it. And, as I’m dictating this, I’m driving through another tent city. Underneath the 405 I see 30 tents.
I see a woman who’s not paying attention, and she’s texting.
Los Angeles is overrated.
Sure, there’s beautiful neighborhoods.
But most of LA looks like an armpit, one ugly armpit.
So, next time you think you might want to live somewhere where it’s constant sunshine, look at your house. Look at your neighborhood. Look at the people that are around you.
Come to LA. It’s harsh. It’s not the nicest city in the world. And, it’s more expensive that just about any other one. Rethink it as you enjoy getting cold in your nice town, because I’d gladly switch places with you any day.
Do you constantly have the same lessons given to you over and over again, and yet you don’t seem to ever get them right? You’re a repeater.
I’ve been coaching for 20 years, and I’ll somebody something, and they’ll be like, man, I thought you were going to tell me something so different. I’ve heard this before.
If you’ve heard it before, why have you not done anything with it?
That’s a big thing for a lot of people. A lot of people will come to me for coaching, and I’ll repeat things they’ve heard throughout their life, but they weren’t ready to hear and listen.
As human beings, we repeat things over and over and over again, the same mistakes. They keep compounding and compounding.
Until we finally lose our minds and say, I’ve had enough.
I can’t take it anymore.
I can’t stand this cycle.
And then we go to a coach and we read a book and we go to therapy, and the therapist and the coach or the book literally tells us the exact same thing we’ve been hearing. At that moment, we think to ourselves, man, I don’t understand. I thought that they were going to say something so different. I’ve already heard this before.
And the answer always is, then why have you not listened to it? When we get in the repeat cycle of life, when we have the same issues, because that’s what human nature is. We keep the same issues coming up over and over again. The big question always is, why are you not listening? Why does it take somebody five, six, seven times to go and get something right? Because we’re human beings. Because we’re stubborn.
Because we need to hear things more than once, because we can’t believe we’re going to make this mistake again. Not that we mean to repeat the cycle. We actually, when we hear the mistake, we actually say to ourselves, oh, I’ll take care of this. I’ve done this before. The problem is, once something becomes a pattern, it’s hard to get out of the pattern, even if you’ve heard it five, six, seven times. That’s why, eventually, you have to run into somebody like myself who’s going to coach you out of it.
Or you just can’t take it anymore and you coach yourself out of it. We repeat the same mistakes because we as human beings don’t believe we actually are not getting past these mistakes. Interesting, isn’t it? So right now, down below, I want you to write something down. I want you to write what your mistake is that you repeat over and over and over again.
No matter what you’re doing, whether it’s building a business,
Whatever it is, if you hire an expert, you need to listen to them.
You need to get out of your own way.
You need to trust what they do.
What’s the reason to hire an expert if you don’t trust what they tell you?
That’s human nature. We want to do things our way. Our way doesn’t work a lot of the time. That’s why we go out and hire somebody to tell us what to do.
But yet we don’t listen. We don’t listen at all. We hire this great expert that will show us what to do and then we don’t listen to what they tell us and we continue to get in our own way.
That’s the definition of insanity, is doing the same things over and over and again and not trusting it. It’s the human nature not to trust.
Why are you going to hire the expert if you’re not going to trust the expert? You’re going to continue to do things your way.
Your way sucks.
Your way doesn’t work.
Your way is making you fat.
Your way is not getting you the woman or the man you want.
But yet, you hire an expert, you listen to the expert, and then you continue to do things your way. Maybe you incorporate your way with his way or their way. Maybe you’re 70% your way, 30% their way.
Or maybe 70% their way and 30% your way.
Guess what? It doesn’t work that way.
Somebody gave you a blueprint to do things that will make you money.
Work you out.
Help you with smoking.
But yet you feel the need to incorporate your shit still.
And you don’t fully listen to the person who gave you the plan of action. So you find yourself still stuck in the vortex or the matrix that you’re living in.
Does this make sense? I do it sometimes with things in my life, and I want to shake myself. I want to beat myself up. It’s so frustrating to continue to be that stubborn, and continue to do things that don’t work for you.
So if you’re going to go out and hire somebody, you need to listen to them, so you can get the new skills that they’re giving you, the skills that will change your life, the skills that will allow you to truly get past whatever you need to get past. It’s that easy.
But then again, it’s not that easy – because if it truly was that easy we wouldn’t continue to find ourselves going backward when it comes down to the things we want the most. It’s all about getting out of your own way.
Hopefully, this helps you. And hopefully, it’ll give you the opportunity to get out of your own way, to finally grow and evolve.
I can tell you something today that’s probably going to resonate with you.
That’s going to help you become far more powerful in every aspect of your life, especially in aspects of your life that you desire a change.
The key to change, no matter what it is, even something as simply learning to smile to the opposite sex.
The key to everything is repetition.
Let’s say you go to the doctor, and the doctor tells you that your blood pressure’s too high. Inside your human brain, all you’re thinking about is, How quickly can I get my blood pressure better again.
What can I do instantly that’s going to lower my blood pressure?
So you go to the magical world of the internet and you start reading and you find something that promises you low blood pressure immediately.
There’s always something that promises it. Because we are marketed ridiculous promises all the time; that’s the world that we live in right now. The world we live in is full of marketing promises.
Well paid copywriters are getting paid oodles and oodles of money to promise you miracle cures.
So you go and you take this miracle cure. You go back to the doctor, and you do nothing else. You don’t exercise, you don’t change your lifestyle – you take the miracle cure and that’s all you do. Take the miracle cure and then you go back and your blood pressure is still high. You get angry, you get pissed. So you yell, you scream, you get angry, you send an e-mail to the company, you want a refund on the miracle cure. You’ve only been taking the miracle cure for a short period of time, nothing changes instantly.
No behavior changes instantly. No physical function changes instantly. There is nothing in life that changes instantly, but yet, you want to blame somebody for the fact that it didn’t work instantly.
Don’t you sound like a little child when you act this way?
It’s almost disgraceful that you’re actually even contacting somebody, blaming somebody for something that’s been happening for a long period of time.
You wouldn’t believe the number of people that I have seen write to me, who do this.
I smiled at a man, he looks away, I want my money back.
It’s amazing how childlike adults can be when something doesn’t change instantly. A bad behavior pattern that’s been going on forever, they expect to change instantaneously. And that is the most unhealthy way to live.
How could something change instantaneously? How could you even expect it to? Because some really good copywriter wrote some great marketing language on a website?
Am I getting through to you? I get these e-mails regularly.
People love to blame and they don’t believe in repetition. In order to be successful, in order to make changes in your life, you’ve got to sometimes meet 100 men to find the right guy.
You have to go and take that blood pressure medicine, and you have to work out, and you have to eat better, and you have to alleviate your stress. There’s no miracle cures anywhere in life. Nowhere. But yet, it’s amazing that every single day people try to blame and quit right away. And to me, in order to be successful, everything takes repetition. If you don’t got it, and you can’t do it, you might as well just continue to just quit and whine like a little adult baby, because that’s all you are.
You’re just an adult baby that just wants to whine and complain and not do the repetitive thing that will make you a better person.
I know you can do it, I know you have it in you, don’t quit. Learn the power you have within.
Are you thinking about getting a divorce? Are you thinking about ending your marriage?
I want to ask all of you a question today.
Why do you want your marriage to end? Why do you want to get a divorce?
Have you ever gone back through the timeline of your marriage, and thought about the way you guys treated each other in the beginning? It’s such a beautiful thing, a relationship as it is unfolding and blossoming.
When you’re under the influence of love, that powerful oxytocin drug, when you’re truly in love with somebody, all you can do is think about them. All you want to do is make them happy. And all you want to do is get to know them in so many amazing ways like nobody you’ve ever wanted to understand before.
Everything is new, everything is fresh at the beginning of a loving relationship. There’s no anger, there are no kids to distract you, nothing. It’s just you and your partner, and that’s it.
Falling in love is an amazing feeling. And falling out of love is an awful feeling falling. Ending a relationship is very painful once you hit the point of no return. Once you hit that point, you stop remembering all the beautiful feelings and times that you created together in the past, and you are consumed by the negativity that surrounds your relationship.
It’s so easy these days to leave relationships. It’s much easier to leave the relationship than stay in it and try to make it work. We think to ourselves, If I leave the relationship, I can be happy again. I’ll find somebody who will appreciate me, who will love me or who I am. I’ll find that person with whom I’m a better fit.
My question to you is: Are you really going to find somebody who’s a better fit? Have you gone back and processed the reasons why your relationship did not work out? Be honest with yourself. How much thought have you truly given it? Have you taken full responsibility for all of your actions, or are you still blaming your spouse for all the things that have gone wrong? They cheated on you, they neglected you emotionally, they got lazy, they refused to work on the relationship…
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll find that there is a reason why they cheated and there’s a reason why they neglected you. It’s because your actions caused it.
Every marriage, just like any relationship, is 50/50. There’s no single person who caused the marriage to fall apart. Life doesn’t work that way.
So if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, I want you to look back on the path of your marriage and take full responsibility for what you’ve done and what you’ve created along the way. And instead of blaming your partner and pointing the finger, I want you to turn around and point it at yourself. And really give that some thought.
Otherwise, you’re just going to repeat these same actions in your next relationship. You’re going to get the same result because you’re going to jump into the next relationship without having grown and understood how to correct your own deficiencies.
Look at your marriage right now. Go back to the beginning, and look at the reasons why you fell in love with that person. Remember how it was and how you felt toward your spouse. Spend a week treating that person the same way you did in the beginning. One full week.
Forget the animosity, forget the fact that they refused to pick up the kids at school, forget that they worked too late and didn’t call you. Drop all the anger and just spend a week really enjoying that person again. Write love letters, send great texts appreciating them. Whatever it was you guys did in the beginning, go back to acting that way for a week.
And for those of you who are divorced, take some time today to look into the mirror, look deep into yourself before you dive head-first into your next committed relationship. Instead of trying to replace your old partner with a new one, I want you to look at yourself and I want you to take full responsibility for all the reasons why your last marriage did not work, all the reasons that you’ve told yourself were not your fault.
If you’re out there dating right now and are looking for somebody new, don’t tell the people you’re dating all about how your ex did this to you and your ex did that to you. Take full responsibility and move forward. Otherwise, you’re going to be heading straight toward another divorce in the foreseeable future. You don’t want to do that. You owe it to yourself to get it handled and have our relationships be a success this time around.
I hope this impacted you and I’d love to hear about your stories.