Think about the last three first dates you went on? Where did you and your could-be partner meet up? If you’re like most singles — especially those calling major metros home — it’s likely a bar. Or a pub. A speakeasy. A wine lounge. However you want to call it, the keyword of most initial meet-ups is booze. Not only is it more casual than a five-course tasting menu, but a bit of liquid courage can go a long way in helping you reveal your most authentic self. However, a suit of liquor (or brewskies) can also be a downfall if you go overboard, tempting you to kiss a little deeper and be a bit bolder than you normally would at such an early stage.
And for those people who actually struggle with alcohol or consider themselves recovering alcoholics, finding love has an additional hurdle. After all, you probably don’t want to admit you’re part of Alcoholics Anonymous when you’re exchanging basic info on date number uno.
That’s where a brand spankin’ new dating app — Loosid — is coming to the rescue, making dry romance a thing. Everyone who joins this up-and-coming community is committed to going on dates that don’t center around drinks. Appropriate for those who classify themselves as former alcoholics or those who want to want to meet the love of their life soberly, this app suggests healthy alternative and provides resources for a zero-booze lifestyle. Considering Loosid’s website claims more 100 million people choose sobriety — for various reasons — the market is a vast one.
The app itself was founded by MJ Gottlieb, who is a recovering addict. He understands how tough it is to be single and also battling this disease, and wanted to make sourcing a support system that much easier. Instead of happy hour rounds or splitting a bottle (or three) of vino at a local haunt, Loosid suggests yoga, CrossFit classes and other active or wellness-centric ideas that foster champagne-free sparks.
If you want to give the app a go, make sure to come to the messaging plate with lots of dates in mind. Here are some that help you connect and well, have a killer time, too:
First date: Roller skating or ice skating
Dependent on season, this date keeps you on your feet and on your game! Because you’ll be doing laps for the first time since you were a kiddo, it’s natural to hold hands or lean on one another for support. Without the need of a tequila shot, you could feel woozy all on your own.
Second date: Coffee tour
Maybe not ideal for a first date, but definitely for a second, look into a local coffee tour in your area. They’ll walk you around artisan crafters, detailing the grinds of lands far away. Even if you only have a taste everywhere, the time you spend walking and talking — paired for the burst of the java — will have you buzzing together.
Third date: Volunteering somewhere fun and engaging
Like the dog park. Or a kickball league for inner city youth. The idea here is have a lot of laughs, get your heart racing and watch each other in the moment. Not only does philanthropy tell you a lot about your partner’s values but it’s a nice way to contribute to your budding relationship and the community, too.
We honestly aren’t trying to complicate things…it turns out the love of your life might not be on Tinder, Match or Bumble after all, but instead on the very platform you turn to to check in on the state of mind of world leaders (amongst other things of course…you still use Twitter….right?)
According to recent insights shared by Twitter United Kingdom, the social media platform is becoming a hub for romance. Their data suggests that around half of the users have met a friend through social media (this includes Facebook, Instagram and others), while one in 10 have used Twitter to connect with a potential love interest. Furthermore, a whopping one in five would be open to the idea, especially if it meant less interaction on Tinder, Bumble or other time-wasting swiping apps.
In the spirit of not spreading fake news, it’s important to remember Twitter released this intel so it’s probably a bit biased. Even so, if you follow along the hashtag #WeMetOnTwitter, you’ll find lots of sweet, surprising and romantic how-we-connected tales from users, including ones that ended in marriage, families and lots of adventures.
If you’ve grown weary of logging in and thumbing left and right without much success, utilizing this little bluebird destination could be a solid option for you. To consider your options — and trust us, there are plenty! — it doesn’t take much to get started. Here, a few helpful tips for tweeting your way to forever-and-ever (amen):
Update your profile.
Much like you’d scribble what you’re looking for in your bio section of any dating app, do the same in Twitter. This alerts hopeful singles that you’re on the market and you’re open to connecting to like-minded folks.
Be smart about your photo.
Yes, it’s teeny-tiny at first glance — and especially on mobile. But, on desktop, you can click to enlarge. Make sure you have a photo that shows your face, full-on, with a big smile — and preferably, doing something interesting.
Follow the hashtags
There are a few hashtags that tend to trend for sourcing dates, so hop on the conversation by following along. These include #singleontwitter #twittersingles #datingontwitter, and others.
And when you’re ready to connect? You know how it goes: just slide right into the DMs and hope for the best.
Entrepreneurism is often sparked when an inspired-someone pinpoints a hole in the market. Whether it’s a void, a frustration or through viral fanfare, taking advantage of a trend is the best way to get your idea heard — and well, funded. In a current environment that’s highly political to say the least, a new Twitter and Instagram account has become a matchmaker for anti-capitalism. In fact, if you’re against the man — no matter what that means to you — this might be the easiest way to find someone who is equally as fired up as you are.
It’s a simple process: leftist singles submit 280 (or less)-character bios, all of which are meant to describe the values that mean a lot to you… and ones you are wholeheartedly not compatible with. The idea is to pair with someone who shares your fundamental truths — and is willing to go to bat for ‘em. Many touch on gender dynamics, religion or political affiliations, racial discriminations and beyond. In other words, you need-not-apply if you aren’t forward thinking AF.
Here’s an example bio to get your juices flowing: “U can’t spell BDSM w/out BDS! Libertarian socialist (28, she/her) seeks similar (27-35, he/him) to join forces against non-consensual power dynamics (capitalism, white supremacy, etc.) while exploring consensual ones as friends or more. Send me yr fave song.”
Or another: “A non-binary ‘baby anarchist’. A tad religious, super queer, early 20s. Dumb brain w/ social anxiety impedes me from mtg people the oldfashioned way, so looking for friendships and more here. running, coffee & lavender. Send pics of yr pets *woof*.”
If this type of experience reminds you of old fashioned classifieds, that’s because it’s supposed to, since the two female founders — Marissa Brostoff and Mindy Isser — were inspired by the concept. First noticing this Insta account for its emphasis on the LGBTQ community, they decided to take their own approach. And believe it or not, the two were internet pals who never met in person until recently, even though they both call Brooklyn, New York home. During a time when singles aren’t sure on which side of the fence eligible bachelors and bachelorettes stand on, Red Yenta offers a place of solace, allowing folks to know they’re only going to be matched with open-minded individuals.
How is it going? Well, no love has been found — as far as they know — through their matchmaking service quite yet. However, plenty of connections have been made, as users are encouraged to slide into the DMs if they’re interested in someone profiled on Sundays, even the pair post the digital single ads. For those interested in being profiled, simply send your bio to @redyenta and you could be featured.
Though the verdict is out on how effective this particular account will be, one thing is for sure: online dating will continue to become more and more niche. As people become more acutely aware of what they want, what they need and what matters to them in love, generations of singles will seek out those services, apps and platforms that give them the best pool of options. Left or right, yenta or not, whatever your style, chances are high there’s a community out there just waiting for you to sign up.
It’s the reason you likely open your friend’s medicine cabinet and poke around, or why you secretly wish your partner would give you their phone’s passcode. By nature, everyone’s a bit nosy — and this is especially true when discussing taboo topics. Or to get to the point: sex. From how often we get naked and bump uglies to the deepest, weirdest, wildest fantasies, there are certain questions you aren’t brave enough to ask your buddies. The good news is anonymous surveys on the internet allow you to get to the heart — er, the crotch — of your inquiries. In a recent poll of 10,000 people in the United Kingdom by British Condoms, folks revealed what’s happening behind closed doors. Their findings might surprise you — and could even boost your ego. Here, your x-rated dose of news for the day:
People aren’t having much sex.
If you and the Mrs (or the Ms of the hour) haven’t been getting rowdy much lately, don’t give yourself too hard of a time. Pun intended of course, since this survey found millennials are having sex twice a week, while those in the over-40 crowd barely have sex once a week, if at all. There are some bunnies in the outlier 18 to 21 group who claim they are active five times a week, who apparently, are making up for the rest of us.
The younger you are, the more sex partners.
Pause for a hot second and tally up how many sexual partners you’ve had. While you’re counting — and racking your brain for names — consider this: those who were the youngest in age in this survey had the most sex buddies. Blame it on the ever-popular and widely-accepted friends-with-benefit dynamic or a more open-minded approach to intercourse, but 78 percent of 18 to 21 year olds claimed six more more partners. This is a big leap from the other groups, who didn’t even get close to those digits.
Both sexes want to watch their partners gettin’ jiggy with it.
For every man (and woman) there’s a kink that makes them tick. Apparently, British folks are a fan of group sex they’re not participating in. Or perhaps, they are. Often called ‘cuckoldry’, 40 percent of those over the age of 38 want to watch their partner having sex with someone else in 2019. The survey didn’t get nitty-gritty on if they’d be part of the experience or merely be a voyeur—but we gotta believe it’s likely a mix of both.
There’s a lot of masturbation happening.
Your parents might not have been a fan of walking in on your as a teen when you explored your body, but now that you’re an adult, you can wank off whenever and however you’d like. If you want to keep up with the Brits though, you’ll need to start upping the ante, since 90 percent of dudes say they masturbate four times a week, while 20 percent stroke it out daily. Women aren’t far behind, with 15 percent touching themselves daily, and 71 percent claiming they masturbate three times a week.
More than a third of men watch porn daily.
As a way to get turned on or explore kinks they aren’t ready to share with their partners quite yet, the survey revealed around 38 percent of men watch porn daily. That number jumps sky-high to 74 percent when dudes are asked if they watch porn at least four times a week. This is a big difference compared to the 32 percent of the ladies who fall into the same ritual.
Women are probably disappointed by your dick pictures.
As if you need another reason not to be a creep, consider this: 82 percent of women are disappointed by the dick pictures they’re sent. Considering 88 percent of women surveyed were sent an X-rated image, this is a huge percentage, even if the package isn’t. So maybe… keep it in your pants: at least until a few dates have passed, eh?
While there are plenty of online dating strategies you should follow, here’s one that you absolutely, no matter what, should never, ever mimic. Imagine this if you will: you go out on a date with a promising match. It’s fine, sure, but no sparks flew and you left the evening feeling lackluster and bummed. It happens to the best of us — but most of the time, once the niceties are shared at the end, it’s done. Not for one Kimberley Latham-Hawkesford, a UK-based woman who met a man who thought it best to provide a detailed, wide-ranging, post-date critique.
Keyword here? Critique. Three months after their one-and-only date, he sent her a list of improvements should could make — from her looks to her personality — that would make her a more suitable potential girlfriend. Sure, you probably have thought a handful of these before, but you’ve kept ‘em to yourself, right? While your mom praised honesty, she likely also encouraged kindness and respect, neither of which this 20-something dater exercised.
Like many dramatic non-love stories, the evening started with drinks and quickly led to bites nearby, as the banter was picking up. However, things turned sour quickly when he inquired about her interest in plastic surgery — and made a suggestion of where she should shop for the next date’s outfit. Obviously losing interest, she offered to pay for dinner and was met with a smartphone in her face, displaying he had more than enough to cover the meal.
Cringing yet? (We can’t stop.)
She didn’t think she’d hear from him again until out of the blue, he sent her a long list of non-constructive criticisms, including:
‘If you lost some weight you would look incredible. Maybe about a stone or so.”
“You are very pale. I know you aren’t a fan of the sun but a bit of fake tan won’t hurt.”
“You need to dye your hair a normal colour and add extensions. Longer hair is much more attractive.”
“Your lips have gone down so you should think of getting more filler.’”
“You just seemed a bit stuck up.”
“Sort your personality out.”
He was also upset that she takes things slow (as in, didn’t bang on date number one) and that he didn’t get a kiss goodnight which ‘messed with his ego.’
Promptly, she took a screenshot and shared this exchange online — and was met with lots of surprise at the audacity of this dude. To sign off his unwelcome message, he said “If you take these on board I might consider another date. I will give you a month and get back in touch to see if this made a difference.”
Considering how out-of-line this date was, we bet he’ll be waiting a lot longer than that for another date. Let this be a reminder of that ole’ fashioned Golden Rule: if you wouldn’t want someone to point out everything they don’t love about you, don’t give them a list of negativity either.
We just hope karma works its magic with this Tinder wacko.
If you spent a pretty penny on a first date wooing a new girl you’re not 100 percent sure about (yet)—we have good-ish news for you. You probably didn’t spend millions of dollars only to end up disappointed, right? Consider yourself lucky, since scams on online dating sites are not only common but pricey AF. In fact, according to reports filed with the Federal Trade Commission, hopeful singles looking for love (or some sexy time) online lost at least $143 million to scams. Of all of the possible fooled-ya’s out there, online dating is the most profitable.
As with any industry or market, the more activity online—or in between thumbs—the more likely criminals are to take advantage of a pool of gullible bachelors and bachelorettes. And considering how much app dating has taken off thanks to Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and the rest of ‘em, the FTC estimates loss has quadrupled since 2015.
So what goes down exactly? It’s a term Datezie has covered before—catfishing—where someone poses as someone else and lures you in under a false pretense. Posing as your ideal mate, they’ll dedicate hours getting to know you, saying the right things, turning you on and getting you excited… only to ask for a favor. And that inquiry? You guessed it: mostly monetary.
As the FTC shared in a blog post, “Once these fraudsters have people by the heartstrings, they say they need money, often for a medical emergency or some other misfortune. They often claim to be in the military and stationed abroad, which explains why they can’t meet in person. Pretending to need help with travel costs for a long-awaited visit is another common ruse.”
The average catfishing victim will lose out on $2,600—a huge amount considering the average income of an American household is less than $60K annually.
To protect yourself and your hard-earned cash, the FTC shares a few never-ignore rules for online romance:
Never send money or gifts if you haven’t met someone in person.
Get a second opinion on whoever it you’re talking to. While the excitement is nice and can feel like the start of a special connection, an outside source can help you take off those rose-colored glasses and see the truth. If your friends and family aren’t onboard—it’s worth your attention.
Go slow! You don’t have to rush into anything—especially with a stranger.
Research. While it does seem counterproductive to the trust that relationships need, if they are avoiding meeting up in person, you have a right to do your due diligence. From reverse photo lookup to asking follow-up questions and more, these are ways to fact check.
Though watching porn is a near-daily habit for most men, many experience fatigue after seeing the same ‘ole routine—on repeat. Instead of seeking more intense x-rated videos, it’s worth considering if a cyber sex website is a fit for you. Many associate this type of dirty messaging with early AOL chat rooms or for those folks who can’t manage to get laid in real life, but as technology has advanced, so has the quality of online exchanges. As an outlet to express your kinks and fantasies with strangers, have an indulgent conversation you wouldn’t have in person or to blow off some steam (literally), there are plenty of dating sites that frankly are better than porn.
With these websites, you can text, chat or watch a stranger in real time, making it a two-way street, instead of the one-sided perspective of porn. While most of these sites do require a small fee, if you’re ready to spice up your routine, it’s worth a shot. Here, some steamy sites to consider:
As one of the largest most trusted and recommended hookup dating sites within the industry, XMatch offers you many ways to cybersex. In addition to chat rooms and videos, they also have a unique feature that makes the experience even more hands on than you thought possible. Their feature ‘Live Action’ allows you to tune-in to model cams, join others in their own video or create your own X-rated scene for others to watch. If you get turned on by voyeurism but want to conceal your identity (we feel ya), just make sure your face is out of the frame. To take cybersexing to another level, you can buy a specific sex toy from XMatch and opt in to their Connexion feature. You then choose a model from their database and you can watch as she has sex with her toy while you have sex with yours—even allowing you to feel one another move. Talk about intense!
Also one of the best known cybersex hookup sites on the internet, AdultFriendFinderX has a large database of flirty—and ahem, horny—singles. You will need to fork over the cash for this destination, but once you’re signed up, you can have your kink however you’d like it. From their search function that gives you the option of sorting by penis or breast size to your go-to sexual position, you’ll find exactly what gets you riled up—and fast. Another perk of this site that makes it better than porn is the option to have one-on-one video chat or orgy ones, letting you be part of your own virtual ‘gangbang.’
Another hub for cybersex, Flirt.com allows real-time exchanges for their members. Though most of these are part of an upgraded membership, you’ll appreciate how the site goes above and beyond to protect its members from bots. When you’re texting about the things you’d really like to do to the woman on the other end, you can rest easy she isn’t a programmed computer app simply sending flirty messages. If your purpose for engaging in digital sex acts is to learn more about a specific kink you have, Flirt.com invites everyone to engage. Fetish-specific chats give you the open invite to talk to others who share your admiration for feet, furries, flippers or whatever gets you going.
Perhaps you’re intrigued by the idea of cybersex as an alternative to watching porn—but you’re not quite ready to spend a hefty monthly fee. Experiment this type of interaction with BeNaughty, which doesn’t require a paid upgrade to live chat. Instead, an affordable monthly membership gives you access to every single member. When you strike up a conversation with a PG-13 pick-up line, you can send photos and type out messages with anyone you’re attracted to. Because the site is straightforward—just consider the name!—everyone here is in the market for cybersex, ensuring no gray lines are crossed.
With more than 80 million users, your chances of having an experience that’s even hotter than porn is high with this appropriately-named website. Much like other hook-up centric dating sites, here, you can search by keywords—whether you’re in the mood to experience a threesome or a BDSM moment. You also have the option to engage in in live member videos, stream yourself doing whatever you’d like and direct-message those profiles that you’re turned on by. It’s on the more budget-friendly side, too, at $30 a month to access the whole site. Though plenty of porn is free, this is an upgraded experience that’ll stimulate many sense.
Let’s be real: porn is quite a visual experience, and when you make the move to cybersex destinations, you’ll use your eyes to scope the scene. With this website, you can search by sexual activities, body type, sizes and other factors, and take a compatibility test to match with like-minded users. Once you’ve found your special corner of kink, it’s time to turn up the heat by joining in on a member’s live show or have an intimate video chat with a specific someone. If you’re more into the watch but don’t engage, live cams are easy-enough to turn you on as you watch other members instruct the models on what to do with their bodies.
Like girls who wear glasses? Into thigh-highs? Want to have an intellectual conversation before it turns hot-hot-hot? Consider Passion.com, which doesn’t feature quite as many members as other competitors, but is rated for having genuine exchanges with real people. You can participate in everything from model chats and webcam to group sex chats, or have your own live action show. What’s nice is their search function to know who is online right this second—and ready to get things going with you.
As dating has evolved to a much more digital landscape, a slew of new words and trends have emerged, requiring singles to brush up on their knowledge before diving in. To ensure you’re up to date and ready to tackle the ever-changing vocabulary, reference Datezie’s Dating Glossary. Our collection defines, explains—and offers humor and strategy—to the new ABC’s of falling in love.
TLDR: DTR is the discussion two people have when they want to decide if they are in a relationship—or not.
In a relationship, there are four words that every man fears: We need to talk. And before two people have made their love connection officiated and sanctioned by the powers that be on Facebook, there’s another term that’s slightly terrifying: DTR. Standing for ‘define the relationship’, this is one of the most difficult topics to bring up with someone you’re sort-of-maybe-totally falling for, for fear they don’t feel the same way. It also can be pretty pressure-inducing, since it upgrades your casual dates (and romps) to a committed, sexual level, that your could-be partner might not be ready for. If you’ve ever been on the initiating end of the DTR chit-chat, your palms are likely sweaty just thinking about it. Before you pass out though bro, get your facts straight about this modern dating term. Here, what you need to know.
What is DTR?
This abbreviation is a faster way to ask ‘So, what are we?’ As executive editor and founder of CupidsPulse.com, Lori Bizzoco shares when two people discuss their relationship and come to a mutual understanding of what they want out of it, they are engaging in DTR. Not to freak you out even more, but Bizzoco also adds DTR can make or break the future of a relationship—especially if one person is not prepared to DTR. “However, it is better to know early on if you are in an exclusive relationship or if it’s just a casual thing,” she continues. “DTR’ing can create a very stressful situation if you and your partner are not on the same page but the benefit is that it allows you to decide if you should wait to see how the relationship progresses or if you need to leave because you are not getting what you need and want.”
Where Did ‘DTR’ Come From?
Putting a label on something is a task that’s always been part of the dating process. However, if you talk to your parents about what it was like back in their days—or discuss the concept with non-Americans—they might raise an eyebrow about DTR. In fact, dating expert Chris Vitale blames the prevalence of texting, swiping apps and social media for a more relaxed approach to modern love. Since there are often thousands of options a thumb’s reach away, DTR becomes a necessary evil, since you can’t be so sure someone is with you—and only you. He suggests the term became more popular in the early 2000s, as the internet really started to boom. Though it’s easy enough to type away, it’s also becoming a common verbal conversation, too.
Bizzoco shares as this term is more accepted and becomes the norm, it helps twosomes get out of limbo. “While finding someone to date has become easier with technology, it’s often times harder to find a long term partner. Many couples stood in limbo not knowing the status of their relationship together and didn’t know how to bring up the conversation,” she adds.
It was often defined as “The Talk” and this term sometimes had one of the partner’s fleeing if they were not ready. Overall, it is difficult to put a label on a relationship in the beginning. Since there was never an activity solely set aside for defining a relationship, there’s no better time than now to have an acronym coined to make it easier for couples to take part in defining their relationship together.
Why DTR Matters
To put it bluntly: ain’t nobody got time for that! And by that, we mean anyone who treats you like you’re dating, but isn’t willing to shout it from the rooftops. Even though monogamy isn’t for everyone, if that’s what you’re after and the page you’re on, ignoring the DTR discussion allows the other person to explore other options. This could be tricky territory since you are investing your time, energy, finances and of course, your heart, into another human who might not feel the same way. “If it turns out that the partners want very different things or are very incompatible with how they feel about each other, DTR is important in identifying these problems and making the couple aware that they should not continue their relationship if they are not aligned enough,” explains psychologist Dr. Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D.
When you really, really, really like someone and you aren’t sure how they feel, Dr. Thomas says it’s normal to feel distress, confusion, instability and can even create a riff within your connection. Ironically enough, she notes that when couples avoid this conversation for too long, it could have the opposite impact of tearing them apart, instead of bringing them together. Though you may have to work up courage to bring up the chat, if you really want to know if you’re on the same page, the possible reward vastly outweighs the risk.
As Vitale puts it, “Every strong and long-lasting relationship requires discussions of exclusivity, goals, needs, and wants. DTRs are important because this is your chance to determine if you and your partner share the same vision and whether or not you will need to compromise. Gone are the days of relationship worries and doubts, DTRs open a channel of communication and put a label on your relationship for you in the world to see.”
Where You Might Hear DTR
From that person you’ve been going on constant dates with for a month. Or from your friend who really wants to be exclusive with his girl, but is worried about bringing up the topic. “A person who is falling in love with his or her significant other may tell him or her that they should DTR so both parties can candidly admit how they feel about each other instead of assuming such important things,” Dr. Thomas shares. In casual group discussions, DTR might also come up, as one pal recommends another DTRs before they get their heart broken—and their expectations up far too high.
How to Use DTR In a Conversation
DTR can be used as a verb or a noun. On one hand, the DTR conversation is a tangible chat you have with someone you want to be with. But while you’re discussing, you can begin the tension-heavy chat by saying you want to ‘DTR’, which is a verb. Vitale offers a few examples of how this might go down: “Last night my girlfriend and I DTR’ed.” Or, “We are DTR’ing next week.” Or, “Time for a DTR talk.”
Notable DTR Quotes
“This questioning often takes place after about a month or two of regular dating, but it depends on the frequency and intensity of your time together. Some relationships move at lightning speed. If you’ve been spending large chunks of time together for a couple of weeks, that might be the time to DTR and confirm how things are progressing with you two.” —Lisa Petsinis
“A simple, “Want to be my girlfriend?” may be the only DTR talk you need to say. Then, some of the bigger details can be figured out later. Defining the relationship might happen in a series of short conversations that’ll likely be easier to digest than one big talk. If the two of you are more of a personable, open book couple, this may be a much easier approach that’ll get you all the answers you need.” —Karen Belz
“Having the DTR talk is a bit like pulling off a Band-Aid — starting the conversation is the toughest part.” —Lea Rose Emery
A year ago, Backpage.com, a free online classified website where you could find furniture, cars, and a pretty robust and lively (ahem) personals section, was shut down by the federal government. It turns out that Backpage was a hub for human traffickers across the country (and world) and therefore, pretty much got what was coming to them. RIP Backpage.
Before it’s demise, Backpage became one of the largest classified sites in the world, and it’s closure led to some serious collateral damage to those looking for hookups (the free and in some cases, the “professional” kind). A veritable a hole in the market was created and needed to be filled (we don’t try to be punny). Luckily, a bunch of casual dating sites offer similar and often better experiences, geared towards the x-rated and to facilitating encounters without the “international human trafficking ring” taint. Because we are down with a lot, but it all needs to be consensual, and Interpol needs to swipe right on it, yo.
When you visit Adult Friend Finder’s NSFW website, it’s pretty clear what they’re promoting: sex, sex and um, more sex. It’s touted as the ‘World’s Largest Sex and Swinger Community’ and that’s exactly what you’ll find. Most people will tune-in here to add a threesome to their couplehood, or for a quick digital exchange or perhaps, in-person meet-up. It’s estimated the website receives 25 million visits per month, with more than half deriving from the United States. These big numbers do mean there is a higher likelihood of some members looking to for a more “business-oriented” relationship. Though some members do get frustrated with this aspect, for those who are seeking this arrangement, it’s a win-win for their membership. Keep in mind respect and always be candid about what you’re seeking when sending heated messages.
There’s no cost to setting up a profile on BeNaughty, which makes it all that more enticing to use this destination as an alternative to Backpage. Millions of folks are part of this hotspot of flirtation, and it’s available across the globe. While there isn’t an app available, the activity is sequestered online, and allows you to dig through countless profiles. By countless, we really mean that: some users report a negative experience of trying to comb through the good, the bad and the questionable. However, many members are pretty upfront about what they want or what they’re offering, and as it becomes better known as a website serving the purpose of Backpage, we predict it could become more straightforward.
If you consider yourself gay, bisexual or curious about exploring this kink, Men Nation might be a new place to seek consensual play. As an alternative to Backpage, this free site allows you to sign up quickly, start browsing, and find a match easily. Even if you’ve never heard of this site until today, it’s been around since 1996 and hosts millions of men looking for steamy set-ups with like-minded partners. When you’re chatting away with someone who piques your fantasies, make sure to communicate what you’re looking for so wires don’t get crossed and everyone has a sexy—and safe!—time.
As the name suggests, X-Match allows their members to explore whatever sort of fantasy they have. Thanks to a lengthy questionnaire, X-Match can connect you with people who are up for your specific kink, from threesome to foot fetishes and beyond. If you’re dabbling on this site, prepare to be inundated with lots and lots of matches and messages, since millions of members means lots of incoming mail. Some people report this site as a bit spammy, however, there is a large community who now use X-Match instead of Backpage and it will provide the experience you’re looking for. In fact, with a big emphasis on virtual sex, you could even pay to have ‘digital orgasms’—without leaving your home.
For an award-winning hook-up app, look no further than Saucy Dates. With a fun name and a sexy community to match, Saucy Dates was named the Best Up-and-Coming Sex website, the Most Innovative and the Best New Dating Brand. They are against scammers and exercise extra precautions to ensure you aren’t messages by a bot, but rather, a person. Here, you’ll find a pool of users who used to use Backpage, able to contact you and discuss their desires through personalized messages. You can use this app on mobile or desktop, and if you’d like some relationship advice to go along with your hook-up, don’t miss their blog.
Is there anything Tinder doesn’t offer? We think not—since it can create relationships, friendships, and all manner of hookups that meet your fancy. Since Backpage bit the dust, more prostitutes have taken to Tinder to advertise their business, providing details right from their profile. While we aren’t advocating this line of business, their use of Tinder isn’t illegal, and it allows for many to take control of their work among a large pool of singles. As a more modern approach to matching, the vast amount of members on Tinder means you’ll find a little bit of everything, and this works in favor of those who use these type of hook-up destinations to make an income.
Of all of the hook-up apps, Flirt.com often gets a more positive review since it features real people, and not sex bots. Though men do have to pay for a membership this could be worth the investment. Unlike Backpage, everything on Flirt.com is up front and honest, whether you seek a live chat or you want to get offline as fast as possible. Here, it’s in your best interest to be mindful of the profiles and really double-down your resources on what you’d like to find. Many of the members are normal folks looking for fun and not professionals, though you may need to scour profiles to stumble upon what you’re dreaming about.
Number of Members: Not public information, estimated in the millions
Countries Available: More than 50 countries around the world—from North and South America to Europe and Asia
Men/Women Ratio: No information available
Price: Free to join and swipe, but you can upgrade for added benefits, starting at $7/month.
Unlike other dating apps that feel more like video game than a means to find a partner, Hinge’s tagline says it all: ‘Designed to be deleted.’ As one of the most popular swiping-like downloads daters can invest their thumb in, Hinge sets itself apart by being a resource and destination for those who are serious about finding a relationship. When it was founded by Justin McLeod in 2012, his idea was to develop a pool of singles that was were on the same page as Match or eHarmony, but wanted a more modern approach. When they first launched, the premise was based on friends-of-friends on Facebook, attempting to recreate old-fashioned matchmaking. As it grew in popularity, they developed a more targeted algorithm to recommend matches based on preferences, and eventually, were sold to Match.com. For those who are ready to take their romantic pursuits to the ultimate level, Hinge is an exciting—and promising—app that hopefully, you won’t need to have for very long. Before you download and dig in, here’s what you need to know:
How to Sign Up:
Since Hinge is mobile-only, you’ll need a smart device to become a member. Whether you download from the iTunes App Store or Google Play, you can either sign up with Facebook to instantly pull in your info, or use a mobile number to verify your info. From here, you can expect the basics of nearly every single-and-looking platform, including education, height, ethnicity, alcohol/drug/pot use and some others. But then, Hinge acts how you’d like every first date to act by asking you interesting questions. These could be ‘two truths and a lie’ or ‘your ideal vacation’ or something else that gets to your values, perspectives and pastimes. None of it is too tricky, so don’t be worried, but try to be as creative—and honest as possible. Once you’ve finished these inquiries, you can add images, and then potential dates can match with you based on your responses or your handsome mug.
It’s also important to note there are two types of Hinge memberships. The first one—which is free!—allows you to interact with members, filter by basic preferences and message. However, you’re limited a certain number of ‘likes’ a day. With the ‘preferred’ Hinge membership, you’re free to roam as you please and show attraction to an endless number of folks. You also are given more filters, including whether or not someone has or wants children, if they smoke, drink or use drugs. You can also see who has liked you before matching wit them, and you’re given access to the Hinge experts. These professionals give advice on how to make your profile more eye-catching and effective, as well as guide you through the dating process. This membership is affordable, starting at $7/month.
What to Expect With Hinge
There are plenty of reasons to dig Hinge—and plenty of reasons it might not be your style. With any dating app or website, it’s important to understand the nitty-gritty before setting up expectations. Here, the best and the worst of Hinge:
Pro: Hinge is award-winning.
Dating expert Lisa Holden isn’t just handing its members a random batch each day. In fact, it’s far ahead of the curve in terms of matching, if you compare their data to other industry standards. “The company recently launched a ‘Most Compatible’ feature, created from a Nobel Prize-winning algorithm, that uses advanced machine learning to understand someone’s preferences over time and pair that person with other members they are most likely to like and who are most likely to like them back,” Holden explains. While this might not be too important in terms of your hands-on experience with the app and its functionality, it’s a nice peace of mind to know your investment of time (and perhaps money) is stretching further.
Pro: Hinge requires context with matching.
On most swiping apps, you merely move to the right and—boom!—you could be matched. Hinge requires you to go a step further and articulate specifically what caught your eye. Perhaps it was a skydiving photo or a funny response to a prompt. Whatever the reason, Holden says getting specific allows you a window into what your potential match is interested in. “This gives the other person context when they get ‘liked’ and offers both parties a bit more fodder for conversation starters,” she adds.
Pro: Hinge makes suggestions.
As part of their award-winning algorithm, a cool feature of Hinge is how they make suggestions for you. Sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter LMFT, CST says by analyzing how you interact with other users, Hinge grows smarter about what matters to you, attracts your attention and well, keeps it. “This is helpful as it may lead to a quicker connection with someone more compatible instead of having to go through match after match,” she shares.
Con: Hinge can be nagging.
Like many features on online dating, some are intended to solve an issue, but end up causing another. As Holden explains ‘Your Turn’ was meant to decrease how often people ghost on conversations, but in turn (no pun intended), it can actually be annoying. How’s it work? If the ball is in your court to keep the convo going, Hinge will nudge you if you don’t turn off your notifications. And when you log in, it’ll display it’s ‘your turn’ to message. “If you’re trying not to seem too eager on the dating apps, you’re going to have to deal with letting those notifications sit there until you’re ready to continue the conversation,” she shares.
Con: Hinge takes more time.
Holden notes if you’re someone who is very new to online dating or not exactly sure what you’re looking for, Hinge might not be the best option for you. Since it requires more energy and thought to comment and match, it could be a time-waster for those who aren’t quite certain on where they’d like to head. “Hinge users have to spend a bit more time per profile to make their selections. While many daters just want to go through the motions on a dating app as quickly as possible, Hinge requires more attention to detail,” she explains.
Con: Hinge shows your last name.
If you’re concerned with privacy with online dating, Geter reminds singles that Hinge does show your full name. Though this only happens once a connection is made (and could be seen as an authentic approach)—it could be a deal breaker for some. “Showing your last name does show vulnerability though it could lead to unwanted off app contact since finding people is much easier these days with social media and information posted online,” she continues. With an upgraded memberships, users are allowed to change how their name is shown and Geter recommend doing this sooner than later to prevent possible unwanted contacts.
What Users Are Saying
Plenty of couples have found success on Hinge—and are more than happy to shout their experiences from the rooftops—or er, digital platforms. Here, a few to consider.
“By far the best dating app for meeting people that are in the peripheries of your social circles. So if you want someone that went to the same school as you or someone that isn’t totally creepy Hinge is definitely better than Tinder and all of those others.”
“…it offers great prompts for adding personality to your profile, paving the way with ice-breakers like “We’ll get along if…” and “I did this before it was cool…” making our low-pressure dating app a lot like that always-eager-to-set-you-up friend you wished you had. The only difference? You don’t even need to buy the app a beer if things work out between you and your date.”
“I found myself quickly becoming infatuated with the app in the least sexual and most platonic way possible. Regardless of whether or not I was accruing matches or scoring dates, I was finding out so much about girls in my age range—things that I could have never discovered by just following them on social media.”
Tips For Success On Hinge
If you find yourself becoming more and more Team Hinge these days, use these expert-backed strategies for getting the most out of your membership:
Give more information—but not too much.
A little mystery goes a long way, even if you’ve never met another, according to Holden. She says success on hinge is about giving your audience info to work with—but not so much that they have no need to talk to you. “Leave them wanting more by sharing photos, but not revealing the location of those photos unless they ask. It’ll give your potential suitors something to chat with you about,” she suggests.
Don’t be afraid to show your personality.
Since hey, Hinge users want to be in a relationship—and not just play around—they’re interested in knowing who you are, what you’re about and what matters to you. Holden recommends illustrating your love language, being yourself and not being afraid to dig a little deeper. “The biggest mistake I see on Hinge is that folks use generic answers that don’t show any context or give the other person anything to ask questions about,” she continues. “If you’re funny, go ahead and let that show, but don’t panic if you’re not. Sharing specific, interesting things about yourself can be just as beneficial as being witty, so be who you are and let it shine through.”
Include at least one video.
Fun fact, Hinge’s algorithm prioritizes profiles with a video component, according to Holden. This means to really stand out, including a clip within your profile could make a big difference in how many matches you receive and see. “Use a quick boomerang of you opening champagne, or a clip of you singing karaoke to provide more context for your potential dates, and optimize your profile to be as discoverable as possible,” she adds.