As an athlete myself, let’s get the cons out of the way first and then, if you’re not totally put off by the idea of dating someone like me, you’ll get to see all the wonderful pros of dating one.
They have a tight schedule
Dating an athlete is inevitably difficult due to their tight schedules. So, if you’re used to being with them all the time and enjoy spending your days in bed with your partner, a sportsperson probably isn’t a good choice for you. A tight schedule also means that you’re unlikely to see them everyday, but hey, this way it becomes even more special when you do!
They will usually prioritize their sport over you
With sports being the centre of most athletes lives, there’s a constant struggle of becoming the main priority in your boyfriend/girlfriend’s life. Dating an athlete with strong dedication usually means that they have to put their sport and training first, with everything else riding in the back seat. So, I wouldn’t personally recommend this to anyone who cannot deal with not being the #1 most important thing in their partners life. This can be tough when in a relationship with an athlete, as you can almost feel as if you’re not being valued, which sucks.
A strict diet usually means no alcohol or high-calorie foods
For all you foodies out there, dating an athlete is a big no-no unfortunately. Athletes are usually extremely dedicated in both the gym and in the kitchen. This means there will be no junk food, very little alcohol and more than likely a lot of bland foods and greens. I’d like to say that this is a positive thing about being a person competing in high-leveled sports, but I really can’t. Plainly put, it sucks.
Statistics have shown they are more likely to cheat
This is the biggest con of being in a relationship with a sportsperson. A study by The Independent showed that athletes who played certain sports have a higher chance of cheating, compared to the average joe. There have also been multiple cases where sportspersons have used their tight schedules as a way to hide their affairs/cheating. The sad fact is that sports-people are also more likely to cheat because they are usually relatively good looking and, therefore, just have the option and a bigger incentive to do so. But keep reading, we’re so close to the pros of dating an athlete now!
Athletes travel… A lot
Whether its for sporting tournaments, a simple league game or to access some new type of training, sportspersons are always on the move. Again, this links back to the overarching issue of dating an athlete. Time, or the lack of it. Travelling is both exhausting and takes up a lot of time. I’d personally recommend you give it a go, however, as the positives for dating an athlete are tremendous.
Now let’s get onto the pros of dating an athlete!
Again, usually they are in good shape and work hard to maintain their physique. A real blessing and a curse!
Have you always wanted to date the fittest and most attractive person you know? Chances are they’re a sportsperson (or just very lucky). So, there you go. The first positive of dating an athlete is that the physical attraction you feel towards one another is likely to remain.
Traditionally athletes are confident and outgoing
Being an sportsperson often forces a person to become confident, because you’re constantly competing, and competition grows confidence. This is definitely something you will want in your girlfriend/boyfriend. Insecurity is not a good look on anyone; as well as the simple fact that confidence is an attractive personality trait to have. Personally, I have found that dating an athlete results in their confidence and positivity rubbing off on their partner. Sportspersons are often good leaders, because of the responsibility that sports places upon you. For all the women reading this, you’ll never have to worry about whether or not your boyfriend is manly enough!
You will get into shape!
In order to make time for each other when dating an athlete, you can try and go to the gym together. You might have heard the saying, “If you sweat together, you stay together.” This way, you can both spend time getting to know each other better. Plus you’re able to get fit while doing so ( you basically get a free personal trainer this way!) This is a major perk of dating an athlete. You will also most likely feel pressured into eating healthier, as to not be embarrassed when they pull out their thorough meal plan. Though now that I’m reading this last point, I’m starting to see it as a negative… Moving quickly on!
Athletes are always competing, and are therefore ambitious and driven
When I used to list the things I was looking for in a potential partner, the most important thing I wanted was for them to be ambitious and to love travelling. When dating an athlete, you get both of these. I’m sure you agree that people who are driven foster good relationships. It isn’t easy to maintain and develop a relationship, but at least you stand a chance if you’re attempting it with someone who is willing to reciprocate the effort you put in.
Free tickets to their sports games
This one seems relatively self-explanatory. Free tickets for you and your friends to go watch them compete! Plus, maybe you can set your friends up with a teammate this way. This is simply one of the many perks of dating an athlete! What more could you want?
When it comes to relationships, sometimes you click with someone immediately. The connection you have seems natural and the time you spend together effortless. Your energy just seems to be on the same wavelength, it’s compatible. In other cases, no matter how much you want something to work, it can just feel like an uphill battle.
Astrology cannot tell you whether you definitely should or should not be with another person. Love is complex. Sometimes, the most unlikely couplings result in the most profound and life changing connections.
However, Astrology can tell you a lot about your innate, personal energy and your natural relationship style and challenges. It can give you a good idea of who you are likely to click with immediately and get along with easily, because you have compatible energies.
Check out your Sun Sign below to see which Zodiac signs you are most compatible with.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
When it comes to love, Aries takes the initiative. Aries rarely nurses secret crushes. If they like someone, they will be up front and honest with their feelings, despite the risk of rejection. Aries’ biggest challenge is that they can tend to be so focussed on their own feelings, that they can miss important signs that might suggest that their crush or partner is not on the same page.
Compatible: Leo, Libra
Both Aries and Leo are ambitious, charismatic, and enjoy having the opportunity to shine. Any opportunity to dress up, make a statement and be the centre of attention is the perfect date. Think about hitting up a local gallery opening.
Libra is very empathetic and in tune with the people around them, which makes them a good antidote to Aries’ self-involvement. An Escape Room experience makes a great date as Libra loves solving puzzles, and Aries has an intense competitive streak.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Taurus is cautious when it comes to love. They need to be absolutely certain before they let someone past their defences. When they do manage to make a connection with someone, their devotion is complete. In fact, sometimes they can be so devoted to keeping their partner happy that they lose sight of their own needs.
Compatible: Scorpio, Cancer
Scorpio works will with Taurus because they are highly intuitive and can pick up on Taurus’ unspoken signals. Cynthia Thinnes from Numerology Sign says “even though a Taurus woman often sits off to the side when it comes to social occasions, a Scorpio man will notice her”. A cosy coffee makes an excellent first date, as both will enjoy the chance to get to know the other with minimal distraction.
Cancer is also intuitive, but upfront and open with their emotions, which means that they are the perfect person to break down Taurus’ defences. Consider planning a picnic, as an Earth sign, being in nature always puts Taurus at ease.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Gemini is outgoing, bubbly and always meeting new people. While new relationships are easy, keeping them going can be hard as Gemini is often distracted by the next thing, and can forget what was important yesterday. But their flighty nature masks a deep intellect, and nothing appeals more than good conversation.
Compatible: Aquarius, Sagittarius
Aquarius matches Gemini’s lust for life, and their independent and confident nature means that they are not made insecure by Gemini’s wandering eye. Both are beep thinkers and talkers, so will form a fast connection over cocktails.
Sagittarius, like Gemini, is always looking for a new adventure, so have the ability to hold Gemini’s attention. A date that takes both out of their comfort zone will help them form a fast connection. Abseiling anyone?
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Cancer wears their heart on their sleeve and dive into relationships without fear of being hurt. Fortunately, their deeply intuitive nature means that they are good at reading other people and rarely misstep based on faulty signals. Cancer does tend to be a people pleaser, and may hide parts of themselves or tell white lies in order to make something work.
Compatible: Capricorn, Taurus
Capricorn’s tendency to nest and desire to build a safe and secure life appeals to Cancer, who wants those things too. Both will appreciate a traditional date like dinner and a movie, as they like the structure of moving forward on a predictable relationship path.
iZodiac Signs mention that Taurus is cautious when it comes to love and will rarely make the first mood. Cancer can read Taurus’ unspoken signals, and Taurus will also never take advantage of Cancer’s giving nature. Dinner for two makes the perfect first date, so that Cancer and Taurus can simply focus on each other.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Leo is confidant, dominant and loves to be the centre of attention in all aspects of their life, including love. Despite being the type of person who isn’t afraid to put themselves first, they’re always generous, loving and honest with their partner. They do need a partner that can appreciate their ambition and ego and not be overwhelmed by it.
Compatible: Aries, Aquarius
Aries matches Leo’s ambition and confidence, and they will feed off each other rather than compete. Both will enjoy a date that lets them show off, to each other and the room. Do something competitive, or find the opportunity to dress up at a local gala.
Aquarius will enjoy Leo’s energy, and can help Leo see when they are taking themselves too seriously. Aquarius enjoys an intellectually stimulating date, so consider a local art show, where Aquarius can learn, and Leo can network.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Virgo is a strange balance of insecurity and confidence. While they are supremely confident in their talent and value, they are hugely self-critical and can beat themselves up over the smallest things. In relationships, they expect others to work to earn their trust, and can struggle to let people past the protective walls they have built.
Compatible: Pisces, Sagittarius
Pisces’ outgoing nature can help Virgo break out of their shell. Virgo will appreciate a date where they are doing something, as a distraction from Pisces’ firm attention. Mini golf is a great combination of distraction and quiet time together.
Virgo and Capricorn both appreciate structure, and the process of hard work that it takes to reach a goal. When it comes to dating, both would prefer to be doing something productive or learning something new, so try an art class.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Libra is a social butterfly and thrives off the energy of others. They are also very good at reading the energy and feelings of others. Also, they do tend to be the type of person who is only happy when they are in a relationship. They are lovers rather than fighters, and will do almost anything to keep the peace.
Compatible: Aries, Sagittarius
According to Valerie Mesa who spoke to Bustle, “Aries’ bold personality and assertiveness sweeps Libra right off their feet”. Libra’s empathy and intuition makes them the perfect antidote to Aries’ self-involvement and blindness when it comes to others. Both will enjoy the opportunity to get to know not just the other person, but the people in their lives, so a group date with friends can be a great idea.
Sagittarius’ hands-off style when it comes to relationships works for Libra, who might otherwise smother themselves. Sagittarius and Libra are both extraverts and will enjoy a date in a vibrant environment, like a trip to the latest club to top the local scene.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
While Scorpio shares the ambition and confidence of the fire signs, they also like to be pursued, and will rarely make the first move. However, this does not stop them from falling for someone hard and fast. While Scorpio is highly intuitive, they are also highly suspicious, and can read more into situations than there is.
Compatible: Taurus, Pisces
Scorpio and Taurus work because Scorpio has the ability to pick up on Taurus’ unspoken signals, and Taurus’ devotion means that they are unlikely to earn Scorpio’s ire. Keep it simple on the first date with a coffee and a chance to just get to know each other better.
Pisces is the perfect antidote to Scorpio’s desire to be pursued, because Pisces enjoys the chase. They love the opportunity to wine, dine and show someone how important they are to them. No, a candle lit dinner in the best restaurant is not too over the top!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Sagittarius is always on the move in search of an adventure, you will never find them in the same spot for long. They are also fiercely independent, and can sometimes avoid relationships out of fear of being tied down. They also tend to have a tactless and superficial streak that can undermine relationships early in the game.
Compatible: Aries, Gemini
While some people may find Sagittarius’ need to always be doing something new challenging, Gemini thrives on the variety and excitement. Plan a date that pushes boundaries. Visiting a theme park is not a cliché, and the adrenalin will help form a fast connection.
Despite their contrasting natures, Libra and Sagittarius can quickly find an equilibrium and balance each other out. Both are extroverts and will enjoy a date in an environment where they can show off a bit, so why not hit up the latest club?
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Capricorn is hard working and focused. They dream of building a stable and secure life, and they aren’t afraid to do the work to get there. Additionally, they enjoy the process as much as the reward. They are often busy, and it can be hard to catch their attention. Capricorn can also find it incredibly hard to make genuine compromises when something does not fit their plan.
Compatible: Cancer, Virgo
Like Capricorn, Cancer craves safety and stability, and they will quickly click on that front. Christine Schoenwald from Your Tango says “Capricorn and Cancer are two opposites that can work when joined together. Both signs are very focused on family, love, and security”. They both like a traditional approach to dating, maybe starting with coffee and graduating to dinner and a movie.
Virgo and Capricorn both feel the need to never waste a minute of their precious life, and can feel frustrated when they feel like they are doing nothing productive. Go for a date where you both might learn something, like an art class.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Aquarius may seem shy and quiet, but they are independent and confident. Intellectual stimulation is Aquarius’ aphrodisiac, and they often find that it is friendship connections that develop into romance. Unfortunately, Aquarius is not great at reading other people, and often make mistakes in love.
Compatible: Gemini, Leo
Aquarius and Gemini share a lust for life, and Aquarius’ confident nature means that they will not feel slighted by Gemini’s wandering eye. Both enjoy whiling away the hours in deep intellectual discussion, so go out for drinks, not that the conversation will need lubrication.
Unlike some signs, Aquarius thrives on Leo’s ambition and ego, and does not feel intimidated by it. Something like an art show can make a great date, as it will stimulate Aquarius’ intellectual side, and give Leo a chance to dress up and show off.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Pisces is friendly, selfless and genuinely cares about the people in their lives. Family and friends are the most important thing to them. Pisces can tend to be a little over the top when it comes to relationships, as they enjoy pursing people and pulling out all the stops. Pisces is very forgiving and able to see the other side of arguments, which they rarely have.
Compatible: Virgo, Scorpio
As Earth signs, Pisces and Virgo have a natural affinity, and Pisces’ more sociable nature can help crack Virgo’s introverted shell. Virgo may find Pisces’ over the top attention a little much, so a ‘doing date’ is best. Try mini golf for a good combination of activity and alone time.
Scorpio likes to be pursued and Pisces enjoys the chase, making them the perfect pair. Pisces should go ahead and wine and dine Scorpio, it is the fastest way to their heart.
Ask your Dream Mate on a Date
Regardless of their sun sign, never be afraid to ask your dream mate out on a date. The only way to build a connection with someone is to put yourself out there and take a risk. However, it can’t hurt to put yourself ahead in the game. Find out what their preferred dating style is likely to be, and then plan the perfect date.
Yay! You’re dating! Are you feeling that it’s going really well? He looks invested in you and seems like such an amazing guy, with killer looks and all these awesome qualities. Yeah, we know you’re oh-so smitten… and you’re starting to wonder if he’s really ‘that’ into you. Thing is, how can you tell for sure…? Well, read on to see if you can relate to these 11 signs he’s oh-so serious about you!
He respects and values you
He devotes his time and effort into understanding you, your life and the way you are. His love for your independence is apparent. He ensures that you don’t feel stifled or smothered by him. Of course, he respects your life choices and values them (even though sometimes he might not understand them all so well himself). He doesn’t expect you to change. Most of all, he makes sure you do know that he values and respects you. That’s right, he’s serious about you.
He makes time for you
No matter his workload or schedule, you never feel left out. He makes sure you know you’re on his mind and makes time for you. How? By sending you cute lil’ texts, reminding you how special you are to him. He makes you his priority and you know you are.
He always seems to be in a good mood
You start to feel like he’s basically a really happy person. Every time you talk or see each other, he’s always all smiles. Well, guess what? He’s just really happy to see you or hear your voice. He’s just trying to tell you how your presence in his life makes him so happy.
He responds immediately
He never takes a lot of time to respond to your texts or calls. This guy doesn’t play the waiting game. He’s always prompt. This sure means he’s not just messing around. He’s the real deal and he wants you to know he’s serious about you.
His future plans include you
When he talks about the future, he always says ‘us’ instead of ‘me’. He makes plans with you and always speaks of places he’d like to show you. Talk of things he wants to do with you begins. He tells you about his favourite holiday destinations and how you’d like them too. Sound familiar? Yeah babe, he’s Oh-So into you! He wants you to know he’s totally, totally serious about you.
He makes you smile… a lot
You’re always, always, always smiling. Yes, even when he’s not around. He’s on your mind all the time. You catch yourself giggling reading his texts. Yeah, but that could mean anything now, right? Oh, but he does make you feel so special, like… all the time! Yes, when he tells you how beautiful you are, how perfect you are, how you make him feel… and the thought itself makes you smile randomly. Yes, my friend, he’s doing it all to make you smile!
He compliments you
He just can’t stop with the praises. There are the genuine compliments he gives based on everything he likes about you, to the point of making you blush every single time. He finds everything you say cute as hell and he always tells you how amazing you are. He’s always so proud of you and makes sure you know it.
He’s honest from the outset
He wants you to know who he is and what made him. He’s an open book and tells you about his good, his bad and his worst secrets, trusting you’ll understand them. He’s taking this risk because he thinks of you as long term and wants to have a life with you. He opens up to you like he’s never done for anyone else.
He’s always wants to know more about you
He asks you about you. His need to know all is unquenchable, right from your childhood memories, to your favourite colour, to your sexual fantasies. He never gets tired of listening to you go on and on about your experiences and encourages you, saying, “Tell me more…”
He teases you
He’s not afraid to tease you. He actually takes pleasure in being cheeky at times and loves it when you are too. He may make jokes at your expense, but always ensures you are comfortable with them. Your relationship thrives by teasing each other. Plus, you absolutely love it when he teases you, although you may pretend to be mad!
He makes you feel comfortable and secure
Be it his brawny arms, his soothing voice, his smile or the sweet nothings he whispers in your ear that give you goose-bumps… you’re always so comfortable with him. He always genuinely tries to do what’s best for you and makes your comfort his utmost priority. Never once do you feel something’s amiss when he’s with you. Never does he keep you wondering. He confirms you know where he wants to take the relationship and that you feel secure.
So, now you know the signs to look for to tell if he’s oh-so serious about you. Having said that, always go with your instincts and be aware. Your instincts will tell you what’s right and what’s not.
Trust me girl, you’ll know he’s the one when you meet him. He’ll treat you like his Queen, the way you truly deserve. You’ll just be really happy.
So, you’ve found someone online who you’re getting on with… but not just anyone. She is;
a) a seemingly intelligent woman
b) a seemingly attractive woman and
c) a seemingly intelligent and attractive woman who appears keen to engage in conversation with you.
You think you might want to meet her.
This all seems too good to be true, but you think “eh, why not? You don’t win the raffle if you don’t buy the ticket.” So, you pop the question (or some equivalent): “How about we hang out some time?”
You put your phone to one side and get on with something else whilst you wait for a reply…
The waiting continues for a bit more…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… no reply.
So, why does this keep happening?
Research by Credit Loan in 2018 found that women were nearly 10% more likely to escape dating someone by ghosting them than men are. This, whilst obviously being further down the line than just initially not meeting up with someone, provides evidence to the theory that women are worse than men… Sorry, I mean women are worse (or better) at jumping ship than men.
So, once again, why is this?
Well, getting the easiest reason out the way earliest, she may not want to meet up with you because…
She’s Had Second Thoughts
Whilst she’s very much been entertaining your approaches (and I’m sure she’s definitely been entertained) she isn’t too certain about how much she’s into you. It’s sad because you thought it was going well, but it needs to be remembered that this is someone who you’ve just met online.
Similarly, she might also have simply changed her mind about dating for the time being. Rather than this being anything to do with you, she could be “done” with dating for now.
Dating is a big time investment, can cost a lot of money and also means potentially hurting some people along the way. While you may not be thinking about the intricacies of it in that way, unfortunately, that may be all she’s thinking about.
This is frustrating, but just think of it this way, it saves you getting ghosted in a couple weeks time!
She Could Already Be In A Relationship (of some kind)
Dating apps are full of trolls (except ours, CLiKD keep on top of moderation ). Every now and then, you may fall victim to one of these trolls. Once again, you’re chatting, having a laugh – tip: you can tell if someone’s a troll early doors if the jokes are a bit too keen/out there – you pop the question aaaaaaaand… *crickets*.
Life lesson here: Some people are mean and take a stupid amount of joy from annoying other people.
Though that said, the situation could also be more complicated. ie if this person is dating more than one person (as most often do) then there’s a legit risk of that person deciding that they want to take things a bit further with one of the people that she’s dating… That, sadly, can’t always be you.
She Could Be Very Nervous About Meeting Someone In Real Life
It needs to be said that the dating world is very different for men and women. Mainly, the actual risk involved for women using dating apps. Sexual assault and similarly awful crimes/threats are a consistent concern for women. The idea of meeting someone random off the internet can be as exciting as it is anxiety provoking. Therefore, the difference between innocently having a giggle with someone on an app and meeting them in real life is potentially huge.
In this type of situation, you just need to come across as real and personable as you really are.
There are a handful of reasons why she won’t meet up with you. For sure, it is annoying. It definitely feels like a waste of time but, then again, just because one person won’t meet up with you doesn’t mean that will always be the case.
Dating apps are a great place to meet people who you could actually have a future with. Don’t let yourself get bogged down by people who weren’t good enough to begin with.
So, you’re on your phone doing your daily lazy scroll, mid work break. You’ve already checked Instagram, liked a few posts of your friends taking the piss out of influencer style captions. Of course, you’ve hit up Twitter and there are no celeb feuds brewing. You’ve replied to all your WhatsApp messages about what you’re doing this weekend. Only thing left is a little, cheeky look at your dating apps. You spot a hottie, their profile is pretty jokes, so you like them. Luckily, they like you and what do you know?! It’s a match. Let the chat begin… * 4 Weeks + Later… * You’re. Still. Chatting. Have you met your match in the flesh? No. Does it seem like you’re about to anytime soon? Nope. Congratulations! You may have, unwittingly, entered into a pen pal dating situation! Here are 4 signs that this might be the case and 4 reasons why it might have happened at all…
You’ve Been Talking For Ages
There’re not really any rules about how long you should talk to someone before you meet up with them. Purely up to your discretion and comfort level. However, when it gets to a month plus, you start to wonder if it’ll happen. Firstly, at this point, you probably would’ve been talking regularly. With all that time and effort put in, you become invested. Can you really just ghost? You’re intrigued now. Will their chat hold up in person?! Maybe it’ll be worth the wait…
The investment is even higher when numbers have been exchanged. The number exchange doesn’t happen with everyone. So, when it does, you assume that you’ll at least go on a date soon. If you’re finding that even after you’ve exchanged numbers and been chatting for ages, there hasn’t been any mention of a date, then you’re entering a pen pal dating situation.
There’s Always An Excuse Not To Meet Up
Maybe you’ve recognised the first sign and have decided to take matters into your own hands. So, you try to subtly suggest potential date ideas, but they’re not acknowledged. Maybe you’ve outright asked when they’re free and been met with a number of excuses. The classics like “work is crazy at the minute” being used over and over can get irritating.
Even more irritating is when you’re finally asked out, then something comes up and it’s just never rescheduled, but the chat continues. Spoiler Alert: If someone really wants to meet up with you, they will make it happen. They’ll definitely reschedule and ask when you’re free. If they don’t seem that bothered about meeting, count it as a pen pal dating situation red flag.
They Tell You Their Darkest Secrets, Real Quick
Most people during the initial, pre-date chat keep it quite casual. Talk of favourite shows, what you do for a living etc. The heaviest question tends to be “so err, what are you looking for on here?” However, when they start spilling the beans on everything or sharing all their problems with you, a literal virtual stranger, it’s a bit much.
You can tell yourself that they’re just opening up to you and that’s a good thing, but really the things they’re telling are usually reserved for mates. You’re nowhere near the ‘we’re committed and they’re sharing with me because they’re taking our relationship to the next level’ stage. Sounds like they’re looking for a friend or ‘pal’ (see what I did there?! Ok… I’ll see myself out after this) to confide in, doesn’t it?
When They Message, They’re Not Really Saying Much
So, we’ve established the chat is ongoing, there’s either been no mention of a date or there’s always a reason to cancel/postpone and they may or may not have overshared repeatedly. Another red flag is when the conversation isn’t really going anywhere, but they’re still persisting with it. It’s just them giving regular updates about their day and hoping you have a nice one, until they stamp out your last bit of patience.
Another (further) sign is when they disappear for a bit and come back, still not saying much. Their messaging constantly goes from consistent to ‘I haven’t heard from them in a week, should I be worried?!’ Then, when they do message, you’re so relieved it takes you a minute to realise the message wasn’t even exciting and that you’re over this pen pal bullshirt (any Good Place fans here? Nope, cool. Moving on!)
All of this can be a real dampener on things. After all, most of us are on dating apps to actual meet and not have to use the apps anymore. You’re not doing anything wrong if you’ve found yourself in the pen pal position, don’t worry. However, there are many reasons why anyone can end up in a pen pal dating situation. Here are 4:
Look, in London or other big cities for that matter, it can be hard to make friends. We all get to an age where our friendship groups start to change. Everyone’s lives are on different trajectories. Some move to new countries, get married, have kids, start new demanding jobs or you just grow apart. Loneliness can make people do… interesting things. Including download a dating app just to have someone to talk to.
Some people are more confident about asking people out ASAP. They see someone, they’re interested, they shoot their shot. Done. Others like to build up to it. Or they lose their nerve… a lot. Sometimes in these pen pal dating situations, you just need a little patience. If you’re not about that life, ask them out. Can’t hurt. Worst they can say is no and then you move on with your life. Simples.
They’re Bored or Juggling Multiple People
You know what else can make people do interesting things? Boredom. In the name of boredom, we have all ended up in some regrettable and some surprisingly entertaining situations. It happens. Some people like having something to do when they’re bored. Unfortunately, that could be talking to you. Try not to take it too personally, it’s not even really about you. Another option? They’re talking to multiple people and haven’t really figured out the delicate balance that is modern day dating. It’s an art form that takes practice.
They’re Already Taken
Lastly, and by no means least, they’re already in a relationship. Not one of those profiles you see where one half of the couple is crowdsourcing for a third to join them one evening. As in a ‘full on, they’re exclusive, definitely using the app behind their partner’s back’ exclusive. Why are they talking to you? Maybe they’re telling themselves if they never meet you, it’s not cheating. Or they’re keeping you ‘lined up’ as a back up plan. Quite possible they just want the ego boost of ‘even though I’m taken, people still want me and I still have options.’ Either way, not cool. If you want to be single, be single. Don’t straddle both worlds and bring innocents into it!
So, there you have it. 4 signs and 4 reasons why you’re in a pen pal dating situation. Whatever the reason, if you’re not into your current pen pal dating situation, put an end to it. Whether you decide you don’t want to talk to them anymore or you go for the whole ‘either we actually meet up or this is done’ approach, it’s up to you. If you don’t want a pen pal, then don’t have a pen pal. Period.
We shared a giggle or two in the office today when talking about blog ideas. We were mucking about, seeing Google’s suggested content on typing ‘Why won’t he…’ in the search bar. The results? ‘…commit, marry me, love me…’ and then at the very bottom: ‘…why won’t he have sex with me?’
“There’s one answer to that…” the men in the room joked “…he will have sex with you!”
Everyone agreed that there’d be nothing to write about on that one, because it just doesn’t happen. I reddened a little, embarrassed to admit I’d dealt with this issue, not too long ago. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one.
Friends of mine had experienced the same thing. I’d answer the phone to friends. “I just don’t understand.” They’d say, disheartened, “Why won’t he have sex with me?’
A certain sexual deprivation, but guys always want sex, the stereotype goes. Not all guys, ladies, not all guys! In a world that warns girls of the sexual intentions of men, it’s easy to feel insecure when the tables are reversed and you’re the one pining for the action.
But why won’t he have sex with me? You might ask. It could be a number reasons, or even a combination!
He just doesn’t want to
Let’s start with a fairly likely reason, the one you probably don’t want to hear… He might just not fancy you. If he’s distanced himself since you’ve shown interest, he probably doesn’t want to have sex with you. We’ve all dealt with a bit of a rejection, let’s call it character building. Hit up the next guy!
He’s not comfortable around you
He has some sexual incompetence or insecurity which he is not comfortable sharing with you. Sex is weird for some people, whatever their gender. It could be anything from testosterone issues, to a yet-to-be-cured STI. If this is more than sex for you, be patient and prove to him you care. He might just open about it.
You’ve met at the wrong time
He may really like you… but then, why won’t he sleep with you? The question prevails. He might have been heart-broken by an ex or has a lot on his plate at work or at home. He might not be ready to bare the emotions that can sometimes come with sex. Dig a little deeper and find out about his past relationships!
He doesn’t want to mislead you
He might not want to mislead you into thinking he wants a relationship, especially if you are good buddies. If you’re on the same page and you also just want a bit of fun, great! You can only find out through good communication, however. Have a conversation about it, what’s there to lose?
You haven’t made the move
All this oohing and aahing and the likelihood is, you haven’t even tried. Be bold. It’s not the eighteenth century! Men don’t have to be the ones to make the first move. He might just be thinking: Why won’t she have sex with me? You won’t know until you’ve given it a shot.
So, next time you are huffing and puffing, confused by the lack of physicality with a certain someone, if the words “WHY WON’T HE HAVE SEX WITH ME!?” won’t stop looping round your head, don’t panic. Suss out the reason and remember not to take it personally. At the end of the day, it’s his issue, not yours!
It made sense that as a girl whose first sexual curiosity was satiated by running her finger along the ‘sexual intercourse’ definition in her Concise Oxford English Dictionary, university would teach me as much about dating as Dickens, Dante and de Sade. University is a unique place where ‘home’ doesn’t mean where you live, but where your family do, or where you were raised – anywhere but campus.
Taking someone home is no longer a simple matter of waiting in their car until the early hours of the morning, sneaking in through the back door and dodging the house alarm. Now, it can mean hours of road-tripping, tidal waves of nostalgia and (maybe) meeting the family. However, home turf is the winning hand and the playground of London offers ample opportunity to play your cards right.
It’s okay to play the London card early on
Free house? It’s time to trade your rusty bedroom sink and housemate arguments for some home comforts. In this limbo between adolescence and adulthood, sharing a bubble-bath in a house you’ll never afford just makes sense.
The adrenaline rush of having burst out of the university bubble, paired with the honeymoon phase of first dating someone makes for a memorable cocktail. It’s like the first time you went to Reading Festival with vodka, gin, and any other clear alcohol in your water bottle: dangerous, but unforgettable.
A test in which you don’t need a first
Seventy is just a house number again, and this freedom allows you to release your inner libertine. The real test here is how many romantic movies you can re-create: Julia Roberts in Kenwood àla Notting Hill, or Kiera Knightly in Notting Hill àla Love Actually? If someone can make the familiar new to you, it’s a win-win.
Remember also that you have all the answers. They may not be written on the inner lining of your skirt like at school, but inked in your memory. On a weekend away, you can cherry-pick the best your particular patch of London has to offer. Take them to the restaurant you had the best valentine’s day at, the indie cinema it took you years to find, and the bedroom you feel most at home in.
‘We’ll always have London’
The great thing about the London card is that it comes in a limitless supply. It can be the setting of a whirlwind romance, or lay the foundations for something serious. Whether your home stay is a one-off excursion or a repeated affair, they will form lasting memories. These often come back to me in the form of music (just a tip: the drive from Leeds to London lasts exactly the length of the Hamilton soundtrack).
A Casablanca-esque attitude towards your hometown can only be achieved while away at university. Take someone home, and there’s no expectation to stay longer than a few days – just hop on a train back in time for your class on international relations. Domestic relationships, however, require more planning.
The master plan in the master bedroom
So, the parents are away. You don’t fancy getting naughty in front of your childhood teddy. First step: after a plausibly home-cooked dinner from Deliveroo, suggest that the master bedroom with the en-suite would be more comfortable. Step two: dressed in your silky teddy lead the way upstairs sprinkling rose petals as you go (no thorns, or you’ll just look silly). Step three: just as things start heating up, claim that it just feels too weird to get naughty in your parents’ bed so that the rest of the night is spent cuddling and hey, presto, you’ve got yourself a boyfriend!
Although this has been tried and tested numerous times by the author of this article, she takes no responsibility for any side-effects resulting from your failure to fully implement all three steps. Honestly, the secret is in the rose petals.
Home is where the heart is
Of course, home is more than a building; it’s the people with whom you grew up. Friends who decided to stay in London for university or work will be as eager as family members to meet your new beau. If you’re playing the long game, it would be a mistake to miss these tests.
A word of warning: When home for the holidays, don’t take someone new to one of your old friends’ house parties filled with the same crowd you’ve known since before you had braces and/or a nose job. If you do feel the need to re-create the epic strip-poker party of 2012, please do so in your own home, so that your partner doesn’t even have the choice of escaping.
The final stage of London as a dating scene away from university involves something that only home can provide. Whether your family poses the obstacles of a protective brother, an orthodox father, an eccentric aunt or a spy as a sister, this hurdle race is the last test in the dating decathlon.
There are two ways of doing this. The first is to jump each separately, and introduce a new family member with each visit home. This gradual technique allows you to test the waters in the early days. The second method is to reply to your dad’s email invitation to your own home for Passover, requesting a plus-one. If you get them to join in the chorus of Dayenu, then Bob’s your uncle.
The aim of the game
Living in halls and renting student houses at university, it’s important to realise that home is not always transitory. Beyond your base of London, the Oxford English Dictionary defines home as ‘feelings of belonging, comfort, etc.’ The definition of etc. is up to you: set your dating aims, and let London be your wing-man.
I’m off to pack my weekend-bag now (phone charger, self-respect, rose petals). I wish you luck on your own journeys. Wherever they may start, homeward-bound is always a great direction to be going in.
Brevity is key when texting and emojis are literally replacing entire words, even full thoughts and sentences.
How far have we come since the days of William Shakespeare from poetically crafted sentences to acronyms? Now, we use emojis to express ourselves?
Well, THIS far:
Photo Credit: Buffer
Fast forward to 2019. Emojis’ popularity has only increased, with new emojis being released regularly.
When you use emojis in the online dating world, well, that’s when double and hidden meanings bring emojis to another level….
#Truestory: A guy I am currently dating sent me an avocado emoji. This was a new one for me. Did he mean that he wants to meet for brunch tomorrow? Does he mean that he wants to be healthy? Did he send it by accident?
Immediately, I texted my friends and, of course, Googled. You might say “why didn’t you just ask him directly?” Let’s just say, sometimes, I’m too stubborn for my own good.
Anyways, Google turned up an interesting search result: The word avocado is derived from the Aztec word for testicles. A-ha! Now it makes a bit more sense, given the context of what he had texted earlier (I’ll save the details for later lol).
Don’t get stuck in my situation. In case you need a handy guide or a refresher on hidden emoji meanings for online dating, I’ve compiled a list below:
(Starting with the obvious… and keeping it somewhat PG-rated)
Looks like: eggplant or banana
Use when: referring to a guy’s package
Looks like: peach
Use when: referring to bums
Looks like: taco or cookie
Use when: referring to a girl’s privates
Looks like: fire
Use when: referring to the phrase “damn you’re hot!”
Looks like: cherries
Use when: referring to a girl’s bosom
Looks like: wink
Use when: referring to anything in a cheeky way
Looks like: tongue
Use when: referring to being thirsty for something or someone…
Looks like: pointing finger + ok sign
Use when: referring to s.e.x.
Looks like: ok sign, solo
Use when: referring to “the backdoor”
Looks like: devil
Use when: referring to being naughty
Looks like: popcorn and snowflake
Use when: referring to Netflix and chill
Looks like: peach and phone
Use when: referring to booty call
Looks like: strong wind
Use when: referring to a bj
Looks like: sweat droplets
Use when: referring to sexual fluids
Looks like: avocado
Use when: referring to testicles
Nowadays, it’s a given that what can appear like a straightforward and harmless emoji can actually have a hidden meaning. So, if you are up to speed on what these popular hidden emojis mean, you won’t get caught in an embarrassing or confusing text exchange. Otherwise, having funny dating stories are always a hit with your friends… as you guys laugh together (and not at you lol).
Dating is a lot of fun. Depending on how you do it (with everyone approaching it differently, of course) you get to meet a boatload of people and have a lot of good times!
However, one thing is for certain, no matter how great your dating life is going… EVERYONE goes through an awkward phase.
Picture the scene – or maybe you don’t have to… maybe this is you at the moment… – You’ve gone on a few dates with someone, maybe even had a sleepover a couple times and you think all is chill… Then, out of nowhere “So, we’re dating right?”… “Yeah I guess?”… “Right, well are you dating anyone else?” “Umm… been on one or two other dates”…
Them: “Oh. I thought we were dating seriously…”
You: “Oh haha… we not just hanging then?”
As always, COMMUNICATION IS KEY! However, it doesn’t help when everyone uses different terminology to define the exact same awkward phase where no one really knows what’s going on.
Are you dating someone? Are you seeing them? Are you just chilling? Are you hanging out? Are you tuning (g’day to all our Aussie readers)? Are you linking with someone (shoutout to growing up in London)?
But also, DOES IT MATTER?!
For a lot of people, it’s a definite issue. For some, it is immediately titled as “dating someone” as early on as two – three dates in, as opposed to anything less serious. For those people, the idea of being referred to as just “seeing someone” might feel like a slap in the face.
On the other hand, someone who might use “seeing someone” in passing might just be needing more time to adjust to someone or work them out, rather than wanting to play the field.
To break it down:
Dating – Implies something not confirmed as a relationship yet, but definitely getting towards something serious.
Seeing – Something very much not confirmed as a relationship and more open to becoming less serious, if need be.
Here’s some advice for those struggling with terminology:
Make sure your dating profile specifies what you might be interested in or looking for
If you’re able to specify on your profile that you are in fact looking for something serious, then it will make it easier for you to match the right people. Anyone equally looking for something serious will know to try and get your attention. Whereas those who very much aren’t will be less likely to waste yours and their time.
If you are looking for something more relaxed, let the person know who you’re dating early
It is very much ok to be looking for a very chilled and potentially non-committal relationship, but my goodness don’t string someone along! If you’ve been “seeing someone” for a while, then it may be worth having a conversation to keep up to date with how you’re both feeling about your relationship.
If you could be looking for something serious but need more time to decide
Once again, communication is your friend. You may be going through a tough spell at work or home and need to prioritise that rather than your relationship, but still want to be with the person. Just talk it through with the person you’re “seeing” and if they get it, then all is good. If they don’t… then probably best trying to find someone that does.
The awkward juggling of terms is awkward and more often than not, unnecessary. Don’t let lack of communication or using the wrong term spoil what could be a really healthy thing you and a special someone got going.