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Whether it is a romantic relationship, familial relationships, or friendships, you are bound to come to a couple of roadblocks. These barriers can be hard to fix, sometimes, it can just be a pride problem or sometimes the problem lies in honesty in your relationship. Luckily, there are ways to use psychology to mend your relationships.

Whatever lies in the way of you and your relationships, there are ways to make your relationships better. You have to take accountability for your part and be willing to change as well. Don’t go into a situation looking for a solution where you think you can only change someone else. There are two sides to every story so you have to be willing to listen and adapt.

Related: How to Beat Jealousy with Psychology

Related: When is An Argument Worth It

Active listening

In order to fix a problem with another person, you have to be able to listen. There are two sides to every story and you have to be willing to listen. If you aren’t willing to listen, then you aren’t willing to mend your relationship.

Even if you think that you’ve been wronged, it’s important to hear the other person’s side. This may not seem like “psychology”, but on the contrary it is. It helps you understand the mind of someone else! Therapists constantly use active listening to engage their clients.

…it is a proven psychological technique that helps people talk. It also helps a person feel free to continue talking even if the person they are talking to doesn’t have a lot to offer the other person. –Psych Central

Use psychology to mend your relationships by engaging in active listening. Let them know that you are not there to argue, but to hear them out and listen.

Learn their love language

Sometimes, our relationships get difficult because we simply don’t understand the ways that someone wants to be loved. While you might want to hear love verbally, someone else might feel love by spending time with their significant other.

Learning someone’s love language is a great way to understand them deeper. Do you feel like they don’t respond when you try to show them that you care? There’s a possibility that they literally don’t recognize that you are even showing this. Love languages are a great way to use psychology to mend your relationships. They help you to understand how someone else wants to be loved.

Figure out where emotional distance is coming from

Emotional distance can manifest itself in many different ways, but it is always felt. Sometimes it seems like you just started to drift apart from someone, but if you want to make a relationship better, you must be willing to figure out where the distance came from.

Dr. Guy Winch from Psychology Today states that there are 5 main reasons for emotional distance in relationships. Are you realizing that it’s easier to just let things go? That it’s easier to never deal with than problems in your relationships? Well, this is not a healthy way to heal yourself or any relationship. You have to get to the bottom of your problems to get out of them.

The post Using Psychology to Mend Your Relationships appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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Want something new? Maybe the reason your past relationships haven’t worked is that everyone is so similar. Are you looking to meet a woman who is different? Russian women vs. American women have a lot of differences, maybe this is the change you’re looking for.

It’s good to date someone who is different from everyone else in the past. It can give you a new perspective and outlook on what you really want out of a woman. If all of this sounds familiar, it might be time to go online and try international dating.

If you’re tired of cruising your local bar to pick up women, it might be time for a change. Your local dating scene can get boring pretty easily, you’ll run into the same people all the time.

Going online can be the same thing. You’ve already seen all of the women in your area and it hasn’t worked. So it’s time to move on.

Barroom Genius brings you Russian Women vs. American Women.

Upbringing

Russian Women

Russian women have a very traditional upbringing. They are shown how to be feminine. A Russian woman learns from an early age how to take care of others so that they will be prepared for a family. She is immersed in education, athletics, and arts so that she has an all-around knowledge of the world. Russian’s have a “village” mindset and if a child isn’t well behaved it is not unlikely for strangers to reprimand.

American Women

An American women’s upbringing is generally pretty modern. Everything is about participation and trying your hardest. You get a trophy for just taking part in life, which can easily lead to entitlement. In American culture, the parents are solely in charge of making sure the children are well behaved.

Tradition

Russian Women

Tradition is a huge part of Russian culture. Russian women have so many superstitions and holiday’s that are strictly followed. Their culture is deeply rooted in traditional relations, they pass things down from mother to children.

American Women

American women are much less likely to follow traditional rules and have “traditional values”. They are always looking for the next best thing. American women vs. Russian women are much more likely to move from one thing to the next.

Family Oriented

Russian Women

The relationships between the people closest to them are often direct their motives. They do everything with their family in mind. A Russian woman will put her career on hold to take care of her children. Her goal is to raise the best children that she can. A Russian woman will pass down the things that her mother taught her such as cooking, manners, and love for art. She also wants to be the best wife that she can and will constantly prove her loyalty by making her husband feel loved.

American Women

Power and money are more likely to be the motives in an American woman’s life. She would be less likely to put her career on hold for a family. American women are much more individually minded and raise their children so that they are smart and successful rather than well mannered and good citizens.

Life Timeline

Russian Women

Russian women usually want to get married between 18 and 25 and have children by 28. Age is just a number to her. An older man is perfectly fine for her because he is expected to be more stable. A woman who is not married by her late twenties is known as an “old maid”. She will go into each relationship looking for someone to spend her life with. She does not want “flings” she wants a future.

American Women

In America, women are not expected to get married and have kids until their early thirties and as the years pass, this number keeps growing. American women tend to go into relationships in a much more casual fashion. Often thinking that they want to have their career before 30 and to give more serious thought to a family when their career is settled.

The post Russian Women vs. American Women appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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It’s so easy for life to become monotonous. You don’t go through each day, forgetting why you are living life. You want to enjoy each day and take splendor in the fact that you are alive. Do thing daily to become happier.

Happiness can have health benefits, just as sadness or depression can cause negative health benefits. Studies have shown that happier people have long lives, better immune systems, and can reduce arthritis in old ages. On the same note, being upset or sad has shown that it can give you high blood pressure, insomnia, chest pain, and more negative effects.

Don’t let yourself get sick over sadness. Choose to bring joy to your life each day. Do these 10 things daily to become happier.

One: Practice gratitude

Each morning, assign something to be grateful for. Better yet, write a list of multiple things that you are grateful for.

Life is a gift, and when you appreciate it as one, you will be much happier and healthier. Gratitude will make you much less self-centered, less envious, and kinder. Be gracious for the things that are in your life. 

Two: Be mindful

Focus on the things that matter. Stop letting trivial things ruin your joy. Choosing mindfulness daily will make you happier because you are able to just be in the moment.

It’s so easy to get bogged down about the future and even just to be reminiscing on the past. The best thing to do daily to become happier is to keep your mindset on the good.

Three: Set realistic goals to reach

To become happier each day, reach your goals! Each morning before starting your day. Brainstorm 3 realistic goals that you can complete.

This will allow you to look forward to each day and look forward to reaching your goals. You will have a reason to get through your day. This will help you find purpose in each day.

Four: Exercise more

Studies find that exercise is an easy way to make you happier and healthier! Exercise for 30 minutes a day for so many health benefits.

Benefits of sleep for your happiness:

  • You’ll feel less stress
  • You can be in a better mood
  • Reduces depression and anxiety
Five: Get more sleep

Sleep is one of the biggest factors in your happiness. Your mood has so much to do with your sleep. When you wake up feeling rested, you are more likely to go into the day with a positive attitude.

Sleep helps you control your weight, it also helps you concentrate and helps make you smarter. It’s a good idea to get a good amount of sleep. Suggested 7-9 hours a night. So that you can become happier.

Seven: Start your mornings off on a high note

Your morning routine is one of your biggest pieces of ammunition that you can use daily to become happier.

As we said, the way you start your morning has so much effect on your day. If you wake up sluggish, fighting your way out of bed, unsettled about starting your day. Instead, plan your mornings. Get up and know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Do things in the morning that will make you happy. Whether it includes setting goals or practicing gratitude, your morning can set you on the right path to be happier throughout your day.

Eight: Forgive

Forgiveness is so vital to your happiness. Let go of everything you are holding in. Emotionally, forgiveness will do so much for you. It will help you mend relationships and become a better person.

You won’t be worried about everyone else and what they do to you. You will have time to focus on yourself and way to make yourself better. Forgiveness is a great way to become happier daily.

The post Do These 8 Things Daily to Become Happier appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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International dating websites can be seen as questionable, and for good reason. There are so many known scams and nefarious actions that take place within the world of international dating. Of course, you don’t want to become a victim to an online scam. Not all Russian dating sites are fake, some offer great services and show real results. So what are the best Russian dating sites and how do you know when a site is legitimate?

When looking for a legitimate Russian dating site. There are a few things that we look for. First, we look at the scam policy. A good scam policy on a Russian dating website will be straight forward and detailed. If you look at a scam policy that is confusing or vague, this website is most likely a scam. You want to make sure that the website does clear background checks on the women

How do reputable Russian dating sites work?

Are you looking to connect with a Russian lady? Here is how it works. Women from Russia and Ukraine, interested in finding a man abroad, sign up with an agency. This agency is already partnered with an online dating site. Through this agency, girls receive access to the internet, they are able to get partnered with translators, and they can receive professional pictures.

These agencies are there to help the women find the man of their dreams. If you’ve ever wondered why there are so many women on a dating website, it’s because these popular agencies are getting the best women around. These agencies are so necessary because they verify that women are legitimate. When women go to the agency the verification process, takes steps to ensure that the ladies are good-willed and will not take advantage of the website.

After this process, women are able to go onto the sites and connect with men looking for international women. They can interact with men through chat, video messaging, emailing, and more.

These sites (generally) want to make sure that the men are protected. On the men’s side, they sign up for these websites online then create a profile to start meeting these women. Men have easy access to communicating with women. They pay for the service and then they can immediately get in touch with women.

What differentiates sites from each other? 

Some websites are definitely better than others. When looking at the surface, it’s hard to judge this. The most important part of Russian dating is safety. You want to make sure that you aren’t being scammed. Websites can vary in their scam protection policy and how they look out for the user. You don’t want to use a website that does not take measures to keep you protected from being scammed.

The quality of the women on Russian dating sites can vary. Websites have different standards of the women that they allow on their sites. Some are filled with women who are clearly looking for love. Other websites have women who are “gold diggers”. When you start chatting with women, you will quickly see their intentions. Do they ask you for plane tickets or food for their sick children or parents? This is most likely a scam. The best websites have measures that guard against this.

What are the best Russian dating sites?

1. Dream Singles

Since 2003, Dream Singles has had hundreds of success stories and positive reviews of people finding love through the site. With almost a million members and a 7 to 1 ratio between men and women, giving men a great possibility to find love. One of the reasons Dream Singles is ranked so high among Russian dating sites because of its safety and security features. The women on this site go through thorough verification procedures and are required to validate their information regularly.

This site boasts some of the best features including video chat, emails, a serious dater program and more. With more than 500 success stories, they have a proven track record for positive outcomes. Due to the websites demonstration of satisfies customers, they are one of the best Russian dating sites. You can use this site on a desktop or on a mobile device so it’s great for all users.

Try Dream Singles today!

2. Dream Russian Woman

Dream Russian Woman “delivers a uniquely interpersonal virtual dating environment that is surreally real”. The claim to fame is that they customize your user experience to make you feel as if you are close to the woman. After becoming a member of Dream Russian Woman, you can search for women based on your interests. This is unique to the Russian website dating experience. This makes it easier to have good conversation and get to know each other. Dream Russian Woman is a great site to meet Russian women, but we suggest only using it on a desktop. The mobile version seems to be out of date.

3. Tinder

Tinder is not a traditional Russian dating site, but it’s one that must be noted. If you know anything about tinder, it’s a geolocation-based dating service that helps you meet new people. As the most popular dating app in the world, you are sure to find someone to connect with. Tinder is only an app so it can only be accessed on a mobile device which can be a downside. The upside of Tinder in the scope of a Russian Dating tool is how many women will be on the site. There are 10 million more women than men in Russia, so there are a lot more women on Tinder!

The post The Best Russian Dating Sites appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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Men are quickly getting tired of their local dating scene and looking for alternatives. International dating is on the rise. Luckily, women from Eastern Europe are looking for western men. The disparity between men and women is large, there are about 10 million fewer men, so the competition for a mate is fierce. Why are Russian women looking for marriage? Well, they are faithful companions who plan for their future. A Russian woman is thinking longterm about a family and her life. Here are some of the reasons Russian women are looking for marriage.

Russian women are traditional

Tradition is passed down from generation to generation. Mothers and grandmothers take time teaching young girls how to be a “proper woman”. They teach them how to cook traditional Russian food, she will be taught about culture and celebrations, superstitions get passed down, and so much more.

The idea of tradition is a cornerstone of Russian culture. Gender roles play a large part in the family unit. Women are usually the homemakers, while men are generally the providers and protectors. Women in Russia like to show off their femininity. Unlike a western woman in sweatpants and t-shirts, a Russian woman will generally always be dressed up. She values her appearance and wants others to notice her, especially men. She wants to be treated like a woman and in turn, she wants to treat her man as the man.

Russian women are family oriented

Unlike western women, women from Russia have very traditional family values. Having a family is the ultimate goal for Russian women. In Russian culture, it is most common for women to have kids in their 20s. They want to start a family as soon as possible.

Unlike western culture, Russian women are more likely to prioritize having a family over their careers. They are among the most educated group in the world and education is important. 54% of Russian women between the ages of 25 and 34 have a higher learning degree. While education is of great importance to Russian women, they will delay a career in order to raise a family. Often times, she will wait until her children are in grade school before she starts to work. This is just a testament to her dedication to her family.

Gender imbalance in Russia

As stated previously, there are 10 million more women in Russia than men. There is a lot of competition and of course, because of these numbers, they can’t all find a Russian man. Due to the desire to get married in their early 20s, Russian women look to western men because they are known to be easy to please. Western men appreciate the traditional role of Russian women, such as cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the family.

Russian women are loyal

A Russian woman will become your best friend. She will do anything for your relationship. Russian women are looking for marriage because she wants to be there for someone. She will offer emotional support, she will stand up for her family, she will listen to those that she loves, and overall she will always make her family a priority. Her loyalty will never be questioned. A Russian woman wants to alleviate the stress of the world for the people she loves.

Overall, Russian women are looking for marriage because of their innate desire to be there for the people closest to her. She has always wanted to be a mother and a wife and she will do anything for the people that she loves. A Russian woman has very different ideas from western women and she wants her qualities to be showcased through her commitment to her family.

If you are looking for the Russian women of your dreams it isn’t hard to find her. Thanks to 21st-century technology, you can connect to her in seconds. Websites like Dream Singles give you easy access to a woman who is looking for a long-lasting relationship.

The post Why are Russian Women Looking for Marriage? appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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In the 21st century, we are encouraged to believe that “anything is possible” and that ‘love conquers all‘. Realistically, everyone wants to be positive in their relationships. Honestly, you have to be able to understand the difference between being positive and being honest with yourself. Love and relationships are hard work and this can’t be lost in the modern day love fairy tale. Statistically, there are some times when a relationship is much harder to work through. This doesn’t mean that you should end your relationship, but you must know that some problems or habits are more likely to break your relationship. Here are some of the relationship deal breakers that statistically will make your relationships harder.

Early Deal Breakers

There are some relationship red flags that you notice right at the beginning of a relationship. Some of the red flags are things that you can easily work with and some will be relationship deal breakers. It’s up to you to decide what you are willing to deal with. Here are some of the early deal breakers you may see in a partner.

Disrespect

Everyone has their own standards of respect. Your partner might not understand the ways that you feel respected. If you notice that your partner will not change to make you feel respected, you need to end the relationship. Things such as verbal and physical violence should not be tolerated.

Not able to listen to your partner’s needs

It can be easy to tell your partner what you need, but do they really listen to you? Not knowing how to listen to your partners is easily added into the relationship deal breakers. If you are unfulfilled early in your relationship, how can this last for months or years?

Resentment

This is something can ruin a relationship. It’s a lot more than fleeing anger or annoyance. It’s the feeling that you can’t let go of due to anger or jealousy. Often times, resentment is passive aggressive and leads to unspoken negative feelings. Sometimes, resentment is verbal and takes place in constantly telling your partner their flaws. Either way, resentment is very hard to let go. If you or your partner feels resentment towards one another, this may be a part of your relationship deal breakers that you can’t get past.

Selfishness

It’s easy to be selfish when you’re not in a relationship and sometimes people just aren’t used to depending on other people. Sometimes being selfish is not a bad thing. It gives us time to know what we want, but in a relationship being selfish is a bad thing. You have to look into the motivations of selfishness in order to decide if it’s a relationship deal breaker. Is your partner willing to break the cycle of selfishness or is their selfishness a part of their personality that they refuse to give up?

Selfishness in relationships can cause significant issues. Being selfish is all about ‘I’ and not ‘we,’ which is what a relationship is built upon. Relationships should be about being together. It’s difficult to be together — both physically and emotionally —when you feel your SO has no regard for your feelings. Overall dating a selfish person can lead to hurt, disappointment, and resentment. –Bustle

Some of the signs of toxic selfishness include:

  • Not being able to take responsibility for one’s actions
  • Begging your partner to do the things that you want to do
  • Not being able to give as much as one takes
  • Not being happy for your partner’s success
Anger

Anger is an early deal breaker that you cannot ignore. When someone shows you who they are when they are really angry, that is the real them. Anger is often an instinct. If your partner responds with anger, you have to learn if you can deal with their anger. They might not be an “angry person” but in relationships and in life, there will be stressful situations. You want to be able to work through your problems with your significant other, not work against the anger of them.

Long Term Deal Breakers

Long term deal breakers are often those things that are harder to change. These are things that you might know from the beginning but they makeup who your partner is and their ideas. These relationship deal breakers are things that you have to really think about if you see a long term relationship with your partner. The long term deal breakers manifest through the ideas of how you see your future.

Money

When it comes to marital problems, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. –Dave Ramsey

Discussing finances with a long term partner is important. Understanding if you have the same strategies to deal with money can help or hurt your relationship in major ways. Are you and your partner open to having a dialogue about money and long term finances? Do you see them taking the steps to achieve their short term and long term financial goals? If you see a future with your significant other then money will matter at some point.

Related Article: Dating Advice I Wish I Knew Years Ago
Related Article: What Makes a Woman Lose Interest?

Infedility

Infidelity is often something that often comes later in a relationship. Not all infidelity is a relationship deal breaker and some people can work through it. With infidelity comes many more problems in your relationship, including trust, communication, resentment, anger, and so much more. This is the number one reason for divorce in marriages. It is HARD to work through infidelity. It will take months or maybe even years, so you have to really look inside to see if this is one of your relationship deal breakers.

Parenting ideals

Do you want children? Do you see a life without children? How were they raised? What are the ways they see themselves raising children (if that’s what you want)?  You don’t want to have these conversations after kids are introduced to your relationship. If you see children in your future, then these talks should happen when your relationship is serious.

The post What are Relationship Deal Breakers? appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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The end of a relationship can mean some drastic changes in your life. You no longer have a significant other to count on or be a shoulder to cry on. You have to get used to a life without this person. Even if you’ve decided to stay friends, it’s important to give yourself time to separate yourself from your ex. Depending on why your relationship ended it can be hard to get over. What does the end of your relationship mean for you? Barroom Genius is here to help you figure this stuff out. Here is what to do when a relationship ends.

Stop contacting them and don’t answer their calls or text messages

Another sure way to torture yourself is to keep contacting your ex. Sometimes you can find ways to still be friends, but immediately after a breakup, you need to cut off all contact with them. This will give you the space to learn what you want. Don’t let them convince you that you are “meant to be”. You broke up for a reason, so give it some time to process. Emotions are powerful and while you don’t think you want them now, they probably know exactly what to say to make you melt. Save yourself the trouble and stay away from them until you’ve really processed your breakup.

Rid yourself of things that remind you of them

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, you always want what you can’t have. Well, when you get out of a relationship there’s a good chance that you’ll be missing something about your relationship. Whether it’s having someone to confide in or simply that you miss their cooking. The worst thing you can do after a relationship is to torture yourself with things that remind you of their presence. Get rid of the things that remind you of them. Throw away or hide the things that your ex gave you. Delete the picture off of your phone and delete your text messages. Yes, it may feel like you’re deleting them from your life but maybe this is what you need to do. In the long run, this will help you get over them much quicker.

Related Article: 5 Powerful Lessons to Learn from a Bad Breakup
Related Article: Can You Be Friends with an Ex?

Give yourself time to be alone

When a relationship ends, you want to make sure that you are giving yourself enough time to get over your ex. Don’t start dating people as soon as you get out of a relationship. You need to give yourself time to heal and find out who you are without your ex. Relationships tend to become routine and you need to get yourself out of this routine. Don’t start hooking up with people and being reckless. This is your time to process your breakup and find out who you are as an individual. The worst thing to do is start dating or hooking up with people to fill a void. You will feel like your missing something when a relationship because they have taken a large part of your life and heart.

Spend time with friends and family

In relationships, we tend to find ourselves neglecting friends and family. This isn’t on purpose or even a negative thing unless you’ve totally ignored them. In most cases, we just get very busy and enjoy spending time with our significant other, so of course, we spend a lot of time with them. When a relationship ends you need people who will encourage you. You want to be surrounded by people who have your best interest at heart. They know you more than anyone else and can give you the best advice on your situation. You need to be comforted or maybe just have someone who can take your mind off of things, so lean on your family and friend when a relationship ends.

Pick up some hobbies

Sometimes taking your mind off of things is the best remedy for short term suffering. During relationships, you might find that you’ve dropped some of the things that you love to do. Pick these things back up and distract yourself for a while. Keep in mind, this is not a permanent solution, but right a relationship ends, this can help you to focus on yourself. Do the things that make you genuinely happy.

The post What To Do When A Relationship Ends appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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Are women are repulsed by you? You may be able to get dates (that you think go well) but later find that they never call you back or want to see you again. If this happens frequently, the problem probably is not them… it’s you. What are you doing wrong? Well, there are a lot of possibilities. Here are 7 reasons that women find you unattractive.

One: You’re a Negative Nancy

No one wants to be around negative people, it’s contagious. When one person is always down, it causes others around them to feel the same way. Some of the ways that you show negativity may be constant complaining, worrying, saying positive things and negating them by using the word ‘but’, and just having a pessimistic attitude in general. It’s hard for someone to look over negativity so this would be a pretty strong reason that women find you unattractive.

Two: You’re too Prideful

Do you argue over every little thing? Do women tell you that you mansplain too much? It’s pretty likely that women find you unattractive because your pride gets in the way of your interactions. Women see you as arrogant and find no point in trying to change you.

Three: You Come Off As Entitled 

Do you think that you have a right to whatever you want? Sorry, but this is not the case. Sometimes entitlement comes in short spurts such as jealousy or anger. If you show this even one time, it can ruin your chances with women already. You must know the difference between knowing what you deserve and acting like the whole world belongs to you.

Four: You Can’t Stop Bragging

One of the reasons women find you unattractive could be that you brag too much. Is your life validated by your accomplishments, money, or popularity? Women care about more than this so don’t just try to impress them by talking about what you have.

Five: You’re Too Impatient

Did you show road rage while driving? Were you rushing the waiter at the busy restaurant you dined at? If someone is dating you with the hopes of seeing a potential, impatience is a trait that you never want to see. It signifies that you are the most important thing in the world and that everyone should cater to you. Yes, time is precious but things happen and people make mistakes. There are definitely limits to patients but your limit should be reasonable.

Six: You’re Always Flaky

Can people depend on you? Will you show up when you say you’re going to? Are you going to call when you’re expected to? Flakiness is one of the huge reasons women find you unattractive. Women tend to think about the future and if they can’t depend on you now, they wouldn’t expect to trust you later. People who are flaky end up being a real inconvenience for others.

Related Article: 5 Secrets to Master the Art of Flirting
Related Article: 10 Pickup Lines For Men That Actually Work!

Seven: You’re Simply Lazy

In a partner, most people look for someone who can carry the same weight in their relationship. Women don’t want to be with someone who is lazy. This doesn’t mean that they need a man who is rich. It’s more important that someone is a hard worker and has ambition. If you are lazy, it shows that you are happy being complacent.

The post 7 Reasons Women Find You Unattractive appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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How in tune are you with the female brain? Do you know what women want and what they don’t want? Understanding women is a skill that can definitely be used to your advantage! Men have a tendency to put a foot in their mouth and drive women insane. Don’t get us wrong, all women are different with unique personalities and hobbies. The fact that they are different, just makes it harder for men to comprehend women. To understand women, a man must know that there are ways that he must conduct himself. So, how well do you understand women? Complete this quiz to find out!

The post How Well Do You Understand Women? Quiz! appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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People are going to disagree all the time. It can be over small things and sometimes it can be over big things. The problem is not that we have arguments or fights, sometimes the way we have arguments. It’s not always necessary to tear someone down just to get our point across. Arguments can actually be productive for your relationship and help you grow. Before you get into an argument with your significant other, make sure it’s something with fighting over. Barroom Genius is here to help you answer: When is an Argument Worth It?

Is it something you actually care about?

When going into an argument, you need to decide if it’s something you actually care about. Is leaving a dish in the sink going to affect you having a good day? If so, it may be something worth starting an argument over. But if not, there are ways to go about letting her know something bothered you without actually starting an argument over it. Is it really worth starting an argument over something that you’ll get over if you just take some time?

What’s the bottom line?

Is the problem that she left her dishes in the sink this one time? Or is the problem that she never cleans up after herself? If she just forgot to put up her dish in the dishwasher there is probably no reason to start an argument, but if this is a reoccurring event, then it probably needs to be addressed. Don’t just keep holding something in if it bothers you, at some point, you will explode, and that’s never pretty.

How will you go about the argument?

Arguments never end well when someone feels attacked. If you go to someone and say “you are so messy, you never put your dishes in the dishwasher” it will probably not be received well. When someone is on defense, your argument will not be constructive. Instead of starting with an attacking phrase, the best thing to do is to start with an “I feel ” statement. So something like, “I feel taken for granted when you leave dishes in the sink”. After this, you explain your reasoning. You take the blame off of them and they feel like this is a conversation.

Are you angry? Upset man laying in bed and looking away at an empty pillow

Arguments should not happen in the heat of the moment. It takes strength to walk away and decide to come back to an argument later. When you are angry you say things that you don’t mean and cannot take back. These situations can often make you lose trust or respect for someone. We suggest waiting until you are in a cooler state of mind. This doesn’t mean that you’re not still upset, but it does mean that you are able to have an actual conversation and not just keep an argument going for the sake of being right.

Can You Listen?

If you can’t listen to the other side, wait to have an argument. Listening doesn’t mean that the other person is right but it does mean that you care about them. When you ask her why she always leaves the dishes out maybe she responds and says, “well since I always cook, I thought you should do the dishes”. Whether this is a fair argument or not, it at least starts a conversation. You understand her side, hopefully, she understands yours, and now you can come to a fair conclusion. If you aren’t able to listen is it really worth starting an argument? This means that you can’t come to a conclusion so why argue?

The post When is an Argument Worth It? appeared first on Barroom Genius.

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