We have received many emails and been asked at events about lots of you wanting to join our events team. Well, today is your lucky day. Birmingham, we are hiring!
Here at AsianD8 we all have one common goal of helping people find love, so it’s no surprise we are a big happy matchmaking family.
We are looking for friendly, outgoing, reliable freelance staff that are available to work weekday evenings and the occasional weekend.
If you think you’ve got what it takes to join the team, come on down to our recruitment day, we have 2 time slots available and if you would like to attend either time slot please email us at email@example.com your full name and which time slot you will be attending by Monday 3rd December.
Date: Wednesday 5th December, 2018
Location: Nuvo, Birmingham
Time Slots:16:30-18:30 AND 20:45-22:30
We were back at the GHERKIN! That’s right, it was our first Padlock Party in 5 years back at the iconic Gherkin!
Tickets were sold out and we couldn’t wait to mingle and party with the crowd and you guys were definitely in the party spirit! (get it spirit, like a ghost?! Don’t judge we are all out of Halloween puns!)
We had almost run out of locks and keys just before the raffle took place so we could see the crowd was really enjoying mingling. There was a huge rush at the padlock table for the last half an hour and everyone was chatting away and really working the room!
Once the raffle was done the afterparty really kicked off. There was a a big crowd of dancers waiting for the after party to start and they made the rest of the night theirs with some serious shapes being thrown.
It was an amazing night, check out some of the comments:
“The music’s been amazing!”
“I’m so glad I came, I’m having such a good time”
“I was so nervous because I came on my own, but everyone has been so nice”
“It was so much easier to speak to people during padlock because I wasn’t nervous after the speed date!”
“Can you please make it more obvious which messages are unread?” – You asked and we listened!
Our inbox has been through a lovely new refresh to make it more obvious which messages are unread and which messages in your inbox are from premium members. Don’t forget you can reply to all messages from premium members for FREE even if you aren’t a paying member! To spot those unread messages there is now a blue unread icon, making it quick and easy to find and reply to your unread messages.
After spending some time on our inbox it was hard not to update the message thread. We have a much more modern look and feel with a similar style to many current messaging apps. You can now also see emojis from members who send messages through our app!
We all know a good first impressions counts. Sending someone who has caught your eye a good first message is an art. A well thought out first message should take more than a few seconds; a “Hi” or “Hi, how are you?” will not do in the 21st century.
Here is our guide to making a lasting impression.
Quality over Quantity Sending generic messages such as “Hi” or “How are you?” to everyone on the website in order to find the right person is a mistake that many people make. Our analytics show that “only 7.5% of messages less than 10 characters long ever get a reply. Even when members match each others criteria.” With numbers this low we recommend you take the time to read profiles & look for a common interest. It will make a positive first impression & give you a better chance of making the right connection. It’s always a good idea to lead with a question about them, give them something to talk about straight away.
Call me on 07897 … … Get to know someone a little bit first, build a rapport & show them you’re serious about getting to know them before handing out your personal details or asking for theirs. Our analytics show that “96% of members don’t respond to first messages containing personal details.”
Good Grammar A common mistake is to use text speak when you first start messaging. Whilst this is fine once you have gotten to know each other, it can have a negative first impression online. We can appreciate that sometimes you are in a rush, but we can guarantee it will do you well to spare those few extra seconds to type out the full sentence when you are starting to get to know someone online. It’s one of biggest pet peeves that our members complain about.
Be Courteous and Funny Don’t underestimate the power of being a little courteous, showing good manners and being honest. It can go along way in painting you in a positive light, especially online. Including a touch of humour in your messages is a good way to be remembered and has a higher chance of getting a response.
Finally, have fun with it! Think of it as messaging someone you want to get to know more deeply not just an opening line.
I’ve had my fair share of awful dates and some of these stories (when I look back on them now) are pretty hilarious. As you can imagine, they were not so funny at the time!
Now that I look back on it I would say one of the most hilarious of them was when I was meeting a guy after work at a coffee shop. I gave him a call when I finished to see how far he was, he said he was on the train and next stop was me. I gave him directions to the coffee shop and waited. 45 minutes later he’s still not there (first red flag). Now I know you’re thinking, why did you wait for so long? And the only reason for this was because it was through family and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. 50 minutes later he finally gets to me and doesn’t even have the decency to apologise for being late (second red flag). We sat down, had our introductions and he told me that his mum and sister “coached” him on what topics to talk to me about (MAJOR LOL – and third red flag). I soon found out that he dropped out of university, doesn’t have a job and can’t drive (fourth, fifth and sixth red flag). About 20 minutes into the date my phone rang. I never answer my phone on a date but this was my get out of jail free card, I had to fake a work meeting and get out of there ASAP! Altogether we were on the date for around 40 minutes, we were in a coffee shop and he didn’t even have the decency to buy me a coffee!!! We left on good terms but I text him saying we don’t have much in common so it won’t work. A month later his dad rings my mum to say how happy he is that we’re dating. EXCUSE ME!?
Another bad date story started with my number being given to this guy through a family friend. He sent me a message on whatsapp, something along the lines of, “I’ve been given your number to converse with you to see if we are compatible”… Converse! WHAT?! Anyway, we spoke for a few days and he changed his whatsapp picture everyday, each picture was scarier than the last. So after a few days of speaking he asked to meet up for coffee. Let me just add, my whatsapp picture was of myself and a friend, he never asked which one I was, so when I questioned why he didn’t ask, his answer was, ‘doesn’t matter I’ll find out on the date’. I was freaked out and I begged my friend to go instead of me, I even offered to pay for her! Fast forward to the date, he was 15 minutes late and everytime he asked me a question, he interrupted and decided to answer it for me. It was the longest hour of my life. So, I get home and send a polite text thanking him for the coffee and also mentioning that I don’t think we’re compatible. He replied that he already told his mum it went well. Block and delete.
You learn a hell of a lot by going on dates. Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea, and you won’t be theirs, but that’s the point of dating, you date to see whether you like someone enough to be with them. If they don’t like you that much, it does not make them a terrible person.
What I learned from this I have a great group of non judgemental friends that I can vent to about stuff like this. I tell them about my horrific experiences (at the time) and we laugh for hours about it. It didn’t get me down, but gave me an idea of what I was actually looking for. I never thought that my partner knowing how to drive would be on my checklist, but I can 100% say when I looked at the bigger picture and the more I thought about it, it is a big deal (to me anyway). Everyone has their criteria, and its important to make note of your personal deal breakers and preferences as this will help in reflecting on your past experiences and improving your future ones.
Get over a bad date by talking about it
I guarantee you won’t be the only one with a bad date story. After the initial shock of if it being a disaster, each story is something that everyone loves to hear about and share their own bad date stories. By doing so you may find that there’s a pattern in the type of people you are attracting and dating.
Practice makes perfect If you haven’t dated in a while, chances are you’ll be a bit nervous and rusty with what to talk about and you may not even know what you’re looking for or want. If you’re speaking to someone but know that they aren’t your ideal partner, go on the date anyway. Use this opportunity as practice so you’ll be fully prepared for when the right person does comes along.
Don’t let it be off putting If you really dwell on the bad dates it can make you feel like there is never going to be anyone good enough. But take a trip down memory lane and think about your good dates and how some of them lead to relationships. What made those dates good? It’s a little reminder that good dates and relationships are possible because you’ve experienced them and they will happen again.
And lastly, go on another date
Get back out there and go on another date. The bad experiences can suck the fun out of dating, but the longer you keep worrying about how bad your experiences have been, the longer you’re going to stay single.
When we think of the word attractive we think about physical attraction. The media makes us constantly worry about the way we look and that we need to conform to a certain standard of what is classed as ‘beautiful’. Unfortunately, this expectation and worry spills over into our dating lives. We think that we won’t get a date because we don’t fit into todays standard of “pretty”. Everyone’s perception of beauty and what they think is beautiful is different. Your attraction towards someone can grow or diminish once you get to know their personality. Sometimes the person that isn’t conventionally beautiful is the one with a queue of potential suitors. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, good looks will eventually fade.
Be confident and believe in yourself
Confidence is key, when you’re a confident person it shows; in the way you speak, the way you dress, the way you walk. You glow from inside out.
Be comfortable in your own skin You don’t need to slap on layers of makeup with all that contour and highlight blinding everyone every time you step out of the house. Go out with minimal makeup, tie your hair back, embrace your natural beauty and don’t compare yourself to others. However, it’s important to remember that everyone is different and some of you may feel more comfortable with make up than without, in which case you should do what makes you feel confident. After all confidence is key.
Have your own life It’s important to never lose your independence when you are in a relationship and to keep doing the things that make you happy. Just because you have a partner doesn’t mean that you stop doing all the cool, fun and adventurous things you used to do before with your friends and family. He doesn’t need to be a part of every aspect of your life. When he calls to make plans and you’re busy, don’t cancel your plans, tell him you’re busy that day but can do the following day. It’ll show him that you have things pre planned and if he wants to spend time with you he will need to be organised. Guys love when women aren’t easy to get and being busy is always a great way to be hard to get.
Healthy & Intelligent
No, this doesn’t just mean #gymgains and #mealprep. You don’t need to be skinny or a gym buff to be healthy. It’s important to stay active and to get yourself to the gym for a workout or a spin class, but it’s also about having a positive, healthy mind set. Intelligence is always attractive, whether it’s in a specific aspect of your life that you excel in or just general interesting topics/hobbies you are interested in. Good conversation is always sexy, being able to talk about things you are mutually interested is always attractive.
Speak your mind! No one wants to be with someone that’s constantly going to agree with everything they say. It’s important to have your own opinion and have your say in conversations. It shows independence and confidence which is at the top of the list of things that men find attractive.
The way you treat yourself, shows how you allow others to treat you. If you try to get a guy’s attention without having respect for yourself, he’ll think he can walk all over you. Hold your honour and dignity high, stand up for what you believe in and what is important to you. Be the woman worth that respect, and don’t devalue yourself just to get a guy to like you.
So, rather than objective beauty, we need it to be perceived beauty where people will see us for who we are as an overall package, personality, features, a unique package that cannot be replicated. We aren’t just attractive because of how we became who we are, we are attractive because of who we are. So get out there, laugh lots, be silly, honest, caring, genuine, respectful, have a positive attitude, enjoy each other’s company, embrace your inner beauty, all your flaws and get those sparks flying!
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
We all need a break from online dating. One too many bad jokes or a few sexual comments and you just think to yourself, “I’m done!”.
We’ve all been there; staring at the screen and feeling so fed up with the same old crap. It’s so easy to be turned off by the whole dating game. The market is so saturated with the ‘hot new dating app’ popping up every week, it’s getting harder to know which app/site is right for you.
So, “how do I get out of this online dating funk?” you ask…
First find out what you want; are you looking to just date? Do you want a relationship? What about marriage? Or maybe you just want something casual? Through this process of elimination finding the right dating sites will be much easier. Whilst some cater to all and others cater to some, it’s important to remember you shouldn’t limit yourself too much. This is also the case in knowing what you want from a partner, as this will help you sift through potential partners that won’t meet your essential wants and needs.
Do you even like online dating? Or maybe you prefer events. Find what’s right for you but commit to it. Life isn’t always easy and neither is dating. It takes real commitment to find the right person. Not everyone is going to be a great conversationalist or even compatible. You can’t let this put you off. Keep putting yourself out there and when there’s chemistry act on it!
Talk about your experiences. It’s essential to have a good group of friends or even one friend to be able to talk to about your experiences. When you start dating seriously your married friends and committed friends take the back burner for a little while. They aren’t going through the current dating scene so will have no clue how to help you out, offer advice or even understand what you are going through. Friends going through the same thing are always great at making a bad or not so great experience into something you can grow and learn from or just vent too.
Timing is vital; you need to be mentally ready to date, the right frame of mind is key. If you just got out of a relationship or you’re still hung up on your ex, maybe give it a few weeks and see how you feel. Many of our success stories tell us how “it was just the right time” or “we were both ready”. This isn’t a coincidence. Your frame of mind will affect the way you message, speak and even flirt and could potentially have a negative result if you aren’t ready. It’s simple, check yourself before you wreck yourself!
Persistence is key; many people, including our own customers think that they are going to meet the love of their life within the first few messages. Whilst we wish this was the case in every instance, this is extremely rare. We have had one of our success stories marry the first person they spoke to on the site; however, this is the exception to the rule. The majority of our success stories all met their partners after a few months on the site and some were even after a year or so. It takes time, patience and persistence. Once you have committed to your search, stick to it!
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Whether it’s parents, friends, age or insecurities, its only you who will know when you are ready to get out there and give it all you’ve got. If you’re not ready, then take some time for yourself. Remember you aren’t the first person to feel this way and you won’t be the last. The main person that is going to be getting in your way is you. Keep swiping, searching, messaging and attending events. Because one day it will be the last first conversation you have in your search for love.
Online dating wasn’t something I had thought about and I didn’t personally want to go down that route. I was very sceptical and felt that it wasn’t for me. But after trying out the Mandir, Gurdwara and family introductions route and not having much luck, I thought I’d give it a go.
I signed up to a couple of dating sites, had a look around at the profiles and then closed the apps. I knew this wasn’t the way to go about it and decided to take a leap of faith with the mind-set of what have I got to lose and so I starting speaking to a few guys.
After getting the boring conversation of “what do you do?” out of the way I thought the conversations would get more interesting. Boy was I wrong – “what did you have for lunch?”, “what you having for dinner?”, “what you up to?”, “any plans for the weekend?” – OMG SHOOT ME! Ladies, I know you have heard this all before and wanted to give up on online dating just like me.
After changing the subject and talking about something fun, it would always go back to “so what you up to?” or “what you doing over the weekend?” – Here I am thinking he might suggest meeting up and getting to know each other – Boy was I wrong AGAIN!
Women get so many more messages than men, so guys; it’s important that your message stands out and catches her eye. Your first message could make or break whether a girl is going to even reply.
A conversation that finally stood out:
Me: “Hey, how are you?”
Him: “Hey, I’m good but I’ll be better when you help me choose between a chocolate fudge cake and a strawberry cheese cake”
Me: “I would pick the strawberry cheese cake, but when in doubt get both”.
I breathed this huge sigh of relief, someone that I can have an actual conversation with and it all started from this one message that stood out from the rest. Sounds silly, even too simple, but it’s that easy. Keep it fun, casual and catch her attention. And yes, there is a double standard here. A woman can send a mundane “Hey, how are you?” message and get a response. “Why?” I hear you ask, well it’s rare that a woman makes a first move, so saying “Hi” alone will get a guy’s attention!
Guys take note; it doesn’t need to be overly fancy with a bombardment of questions. Take the time to read her profile before sending her the same “Hey, how are you?” or even worse “Hey, would love to get to know you, here is my number…” No woman is going to save your number and drop you a text or call. We want to know you for more than one sentence before giving our number out!
Remember it’s a numbers game and how draining it becomes reading and responding to the same mediocre messages, but the key is don’t give up. It’s ok to step back, take a break and evaluate.
Let’s see how it goes with strawberry cheesecake guy, there might be a part 2…