Online dating wasn’t something I had thought about and I didn’t personally want to go down that route. I was very sceptical and felt that it wasn’t for me. But after trying out the Mandir, Gurdwara and family introductions route and not having much luck, I thought I’d give it a go.
I signed up to a couple of dating sites, had a look around at the profiles and then closed the apps. I knew this wasn’t the way to go about it and decided to take a leap of faith with the mind-set of what have I got to lose and so I starting speaking to a few guys.
After getting the boring conversation of “what do you do?” out of the way I thought the conversations would get more interesting. Boy was I wrong – “what did you have for lunch?”, “what you having for dinner?”, “what you up to?”, “any plans for the weekend?” – OMG SHOOT ME! Ladies, I know you have heard this all before and wanted to give up on online dating just like me.
After changing the subject and talking about something fun, it would always go back to “so what you up to?” or “what you doing over the weekend?” – Here I am thinking he might suggest meeting up and getting to know each other – Boy was I wrong AGAIN!
Women get so many more messages than men, so guys; it’s important that your message stands out and catches her eye. Your first message could make or break whether a girl is going to even reply.
A conversation that finally stood out:
Me: “Hey, how are you?”
Him: “Hey, I’m good but I’ll be better when you help me choose between a chocolate fudge cake and a strawberry cheese cake”
Me: “I would pick the strawberry cheese cake, but when in doubt get both”.
I breathed this huge sigh of relief, someone that I can have an actual conversation with and it all started from this one message that stood out from the rest. Sounds silly, even too simple, but it’s that easy. Keep it fun, casual and catch her attention. And yes, there is a double standard here. A woman can send a mundane “Hey, how are you?” message and get a response. “Why?” I hear you ask, well it’s rare that a woman makes a first move, so saying “Hi” alone will get a guy’s attention!
Guys take note; it doesn’t need to be overly fancy with a bombardment of questions. Take the time to read her profile before sending her the same “Hey, how are you?” or even worse “Hey, would love to get to know you, here is my number…” No woman is going to save your number and drop you a text or call. We want to know you for more than one sentence before giving our number out!
Remember it’s a numbers game and how draining it becomes reading and responding to the same mediocre messages, but the key is don’t give up. It’s ok to step back, take a break and evaluate.
Let’s see how it goes with strawberry cheesecake guy, there might be a part 2…
After holding our first Face to Face Matchmaking Consultation evening in August we are happy to tell you that it was a huge success. You all mentioned that this was something you felt the industry needed and we couldn’t agree more. One of our consultation clients mentioned how it was “inspiring to be able to talk to someone in person who actually cares about helping me in my search for love.”
All of the clients had one thing in common; a busy schedule. With work, family, and life in general; finding a moment to search for love was difficult. They were all very career focused individuals who where time poor and extremely driven. But one thing was missing for all of them.
With all but one booking slot filled our Matchmakers had a full evening on hand. Ush our Senior Matchmaker told us “Meeting people in the city, in their working environments meant they could pop out and see us in the middle of their day! We had great conversations; getting to know someone face to face is so much better than on the phone as you really get to understand who they are, what drives them and what they’re looking for!”
We asked both Matchmakers why they think you can benefit from a face to face consultation and this is what they had to say:
“Meet us, know us and trust us! It’s all about being personal and not just a voice. There is no pressure for you, it’s just an open and honest conversation about what you’re looking for and how we can help.” – Ush, Senior Matchmaker “This is a great way to meet us and really get to know us and what we do, we know how much the personalised service can help you if you are time poor.” – Santosh, Matchmaker
Our first How to get Mr Right Seminar in London was a massive success; the guests were overwhelmed with the knowledge as well as group support.
Initially, some of the guests were reluctant, unsure of India’s expertise. It didn’t take long for all the ladies to see India’s knowledge and experience is so vast. The data is undeniable, the math checks out and the logic works.
The Q&A ran over by almost an hour and a half, but it was worth it. You guys had amazing questions and it was obvious a lot of woman were struggling with the same issues and problems.
There was so much positive energy in the room after the seminar and Q&A that everyone stayed around and mingled with India and the AsianD8 team.
After such a successful event and lots of positive feedback we knew we had to spread the knowledge further which is why we have decided to take the Seminar to Birmingham!
“India told some home truths that were hard to hear but completely needed! Definitely using her tips” “Amazing night – thank you!!!!” “It’s so great to see how one night can change your perspective on dating!” “Thank you all so much for the seminar” “I think I am ready to get back in the dating game.” “The AsianD8 team and India, you guys were really great, thank you so much! I am going to buy a dating phone tomorrow!”
A few pictures from our first Seminar:
Unsure if you want to attend our Birmingham Seminar?
We are fast approaching the end of 2016. This morning. I received an email from a client who wrote ‘I want a relaxing Christmas break. And, if things don’t go to plan I’ll start again in the New Year.’ I bet you’re thinking about slowing down too.
Whilst I understand this sentiment, I don’t agree with it.
Everyone else is on slow down mode; which is, precisely why you’re not. Don’t follow the tyranny of the masses. You want to stay ahead of the curve and here’s how:
1. Update your vision board
If you haven’t already created a vision board. Now is a great time to start. If you already have a vision board, look to see if anything needs updating. A vision board is a great visualiation tool. It’s easy too. Spend some time during the holidays thinking about what you really want.
2. Re-evaluate your deal breakers
Do you know what you’re looking for? If so, write it down. Get a blank sheet of paper and write down everything that you’re looking for in your dream guy. Next, read down the list. And, I’m hoping you can offer the same back. As I frequently tell my clients. The first question isn’t ‘how do I attract a great guy?’ The first question is ‘how do I become a great partner?’ Remember you have to become who you want to date. Now, is an opportune time to re-evaluate your deal breakers.
3. Creat a compelling username and written profile
Revisit your username and profile. Your username should say something physical about you. Don’t create meaningless usernames. Also, make sure your profile is short and light. Don’t write a long essay or use negative words, and don’t self-deprecate either. Keep the profile to one or two paragraphs only.
4. Re-visit your pictures
The profile pictures are really important, mainly because men are so visual. Men fall in love with their eyes. It’s the way they’re wired. Help them out by uploading the best pictures possible. All you need is one clear headshot and a full body shot. If you’ve had the same pictures for a while, update them. Invest in some new pictures. Ensure to keep rotating your pictures too. You don’t want to grow stale. If you’re bored of your pictures, he is too.
5. Activate the law of preparation
So you want to meet Mr Right and live happily ever after? If so, do you know what married life will look like? Where will you get married? What will you wear? How about the cake, the venue and the guest list?
Over this holiday period, start preparing. It’s going to happen sooner or later, right? Maybe, even create a specific ‘marriage’ or ‘Mr Right’ vision board. Possibly start looking through bridal magazines, perhaps even try on a wedding dress or two. You know…just for fun. Although between you and I, we know it’s serious, wink wink.
Bio: India Kang is a dating and relationship coach and author of two bestselling books ‘Why Men Ask Dumb Dating Questions,’ and ‘How to Date – Single Girls’ Dating Manual.’ India is married and lives in Solihull. www.indiakang.com
Kishan and I met a few years years ago on AsianD8, I still remember my first date with him it was supposed to be in Hampton not too far from me.
He was late when meeting me, he was coming from North West. Then he parked up and we were ready to go to the restaurant, Kishan realised he’d left his wallet at home and I was thinking, oh my god, he’s one of those guys, my main thought was to get the date over and then politely turn him down. Until I turned around to see him trying to find every penny and loose change he could in his car, that’s when I realised he was serious and wasn’t joking I told him it’s ok, when we got to the restaurant as it was a week before valentines day it was really busy and he hadn’t booked the table. So in the end went to Las Iguanas in Kingston, had an amazing date, until we got back to his car to find a parking ticket because Kishan had parked in the wrong place.
Anyway he dropped me home, the next day I get a text from him saying he’d really enjoyed our date he asked me out. We’ve been together since. There’s no words to describe how he makes me feel when I’m with him or apart from him. I’m really glad i turned around that day to see him looking around for the loose change otherwise we would not be together right now.
A massive thank you to Krishna & Kishan for sharing their story, so much went wrong on their first date, either of them could have easily given up but they didn’t!