Amie the Dating Coach - Dating Blog, Relationship Tips and Articles
Find great tools and articles on dating, relationships, dating tips, and love. Amie Leadingham is a Master Certified Relationship Coach - Dating Coach in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. She was trained at the Relationship Coaching Institute and is a Certified Relationship Coach for singles based on the Conscious Dating Program.
Inside this #Heart2HeartTalk FB LIVE replay, we discuss the war stories and tragedies of first dates and most importantly, how to avoid them when you’re dating! If you want to join us in the next FB LIVE discussion, LIKE my FB page and ensure you “follow” to get notified here.
It’s interesting that in school we take such a wide range of classes to teach us about things we will need in life to function in society and get that good job, but they never really teach us how to date and build relationships. I mean, I would argue that there is no bigger choice in our life than who we choose to marry yet most of us are taught virtually no skills on how to get there.
They pretty much send us out into the dating world with little or no knowledge of how to attract, treat, or date potential partners. Sure, some schools teach sex education, but even the small percentage that still does, they don’t explain “the why,“ we should engage in sex with our partner in any way. They teach us “the how” in order to prevent disease and/or pregnancy.
I just wish there was a way to teach our kids’ relationship skills too, since it is so important to the overall happiness of our lives. Think about it, the people we choose to date/marry can be in our lives for years if not decades (way longer than most jobs) yet so few of us out there ever get the tools to improve the chances we will make good dating choices followed by choosing a great life partner.
And yes, the tools are out there. Programs like my Conscious Dating Coaching, is just one of the many relationship building platforms that can help us learn these skills as adults. So with that here is my top Four Reasons Dating Skills Should Be Taught in Schools.
Sometimes Parents are not Always the Best Role Models
The divorce rate in the US has been somewhat of a moving target over the past half century, but it’s safe to say that anywhere from 35-50% of all marriages have ended in divorce.
Throw in the fact that so many children have grown up in homes with parents who are unhappily married, and you have very few parents who are showing their kids what a quality relationship looks like.
In a nutshell so few children are directly or indirectly shown by their parents what a bad relationship looks like so most never develop healthy relationship skills to find and experience a “good” relationship.
Just take the alarming statistic that if you are abused by your parents, you are more likely to end up in an abusive relationship. This one stat alone shows the significant power our parents have on our dating choices.
However, I’ve seen clients that that came from an abusive background, find and pick a healthy relationship by improving on their dating and relationship skills in conjunction with working with a professional licensed therapist to heal their trauma.
By teaching relationship tools in schools it allows for ALL children to learn what a quality relationship can look like no matter what their family upbringing is.
It Could Decrease the Divorce Rate
As we just noted above the divorce rate is far too high in the US. That is because far too many people enter into marriages without really knowing what they require in a partnership to be happy. In my Conscious Dating Programs, I teach clients about their Non-Negotiables.
As its namesake indicates, these are things you must have in a relationship to be happy or it just won’t work. There is NO room for negotiation. They are things like, “He or she treats me like a priority” or “He or she is financially stable and responsible”.
Generally my clients have about 10 to 15 of these Non-Negotiables and when ANY ONE of them is NOT met, they should not enter or remove themselves from that relationship.
Sure children don’t have the same thoughts, desires or requirements as their adult selves, but just teaching them about Non-negotiables as a concept and get them to start thinking about what is needed to create a quality relationship would do wonders for their overall dating outlook.
And when that happens, better choices can be made, leading to less bad relationships, hopefully resulting in less divorce.(Continued below).
It Will Help in Life as Well as Dating
As a Relationship Coach I not only teach how to sort through potential partners, but also sort through the negative influences in our lives in general.
So many of my clients have family and friends that have talked down to them, it is no wonder they can’t find a good partner. Maybe the family and friends are too negative or place an unnecessary burden on them, but whatever it is, it’s important to limit the amount of contact with these people.
For example, one client’s mother always told her she wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough to find someone of quality. That she had to take what she could get. For many years she settled with three divorces under her belt. Things didn’t begin to change until we started working together.
To me, she was a successful business woman, achieved a great deal, and was beautiful inside and out. She just needed someone to help her recognize her true value and work on shifting her mindset, especially when it came to dating. She gained her self-confidence back and she finally met someone that was an equal and treated her with respect.
Every relationship we have should be with people who make our life a better one. By teaching young people the acceptable tools to test a friendship to see if it’s a positive one or a negative would change all their relationships and help them in dating at the same time. Most importantly, to be more authentic and stop being people pleasing.
When it comes to boyfriends and girlfriends or friendships or any other relationship its always about one question, overall are they making my life better? And when the answer is “no” it’s time to move on.
It Would Make People Happier
You don’t have to look any further to the amount of heartbreak bad dating choices brings to the world then the song world. Titles like “Achy Breaky Heart”, “Un-Break My Heart”, and “I Can’t Make You Love Me” are part of a legion of songs that come from, or pay homage to, failed relationships all over the world.
There is no way to eliminate all heartbreak of course, but by cutting down the number of times that it happens and the amount of time people spend in unhealthy relationships, it can only have a positive effect.
And when dating overall is easier and there is less heartache, it’s safe to say that people are happy more and sadly that means those songwriters will get the message and maybe start changing their tune.
It’s never too late to improve on your dating and relationship skills. If you’ve shown success in other areas of your life, then I have no doubt you can learn this too! Schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me at www.meetwithamie.com, and lets see how I can help. Talk soon!
We have all been on bad dates before. Maybe it was bad because he talked too much or too little, or maybe there was no chemistry or attraction. Whatever it is, if you go on enough dates you are bound to hit a few bumps in the road and when you do, the best thing to do is be prepared for it.
The bottom line is if your goal is to find that special someone you have to keep your eye on the prize. Dating can sometimes be daunting and tiresome, but that doesn’t mean the process can’t be a good one even when things don’t seem that way. So the question I would like to answer is how do you turn a bad date into a good one?
1) A Positive Attitude is Sexy
This is the key to the entire dating process, not just bad dates. Being a happy single and finding the positive even in seemingly low points not only will make your life better, but actually it will get you closer to finding that guy you want and deserve.
Studies have shown that people are drawn to others that are happy. If you can practice maintaining this positive attitude not only are you teaching others to do the same, but you may calm the nerves of your date and flip a bad date into a good one.
2) Switch Up the Venue
Most dates hinge on the conversation. If you notice your date is getting a little nervous, then suggest switching to a venue where you can do more fun activities. Maybe you were planning to go to dinner, instead maybe suggest places like Dave & Busters or a bowling alley.
Dates can be much more fun when you do something rather than just sitting around and just talking. At the end of the day, they key is to have fun, even if you didn’t connect with your date romantically, you just opened the door to a new friend and you never know who they can introduce you to!
3) Every Date Has Learning Takeaways
To be a good dater it’s as important to learn about yourself and the world as it is about your partners. And you can learn something on every date you go on, even the bad ones… especially the bad ones. Maybe your takeaway comes from things your date tells you from his or her life experiences or career. Maybe your takeaway comes from you figuring out more things you require in a potential mate.
Maybe there were signs that you picked up on before the date on the phone, online, etc. that if you had paid attention to could have told you this was going to be a bad one. Whatever it is you should file this information and leave the date knowing you are smarter and a better dater then before.
Remember, if your goal is to find that special someone in your life, then it might take some dating practice. So remember if as the old saying goes “Practice makes perfect”, then even on a bad date, you know exactly where you are headed!
If you’re struggling with getting to that second date or even getting the courage to get out and meet someone, I’m here to help. Let’s talk, just book a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me hereand we can talk about your challenges and what you can do today to change your results.
The New Year is upon us so you know what that means. Time to make that New Year’s Resolution. And if you are single and yours involves making finding love a priority then I am here to help.
As a Master Certified Relationship Coach who has helped so many singles not only become better daters, but also marry their soulmate, I am here to tell you that you have what it takes to find it too.
But there are some steps you need to implement to find dating success. So here are the Top 5 ways to make your New Year’s Dating Resolution come true.
#1 – Set Realistic Goals
Did you know that approximately 80% of all New Year’s Resolutions are given up by the second week in February.
The high failure rate is pretty easy to understand, the resolution-er sets a goal, takes some steps to try to achieve it (or doesn’t try at all), gets discouraged, and gives up in less than 5 weeks.
Whether the resolution is losing weight or looking for a new career, without setting realistic goals, you are likely setting yourself up for disappointment and failure.
Dating New Year’s resolutions are no different. If you want to make this year your year to find that forever relationship, then you want to start the year off right by setting realistic dating goals.
Whether it is going on at least one date a month or trying a new single’s group every other month, keep your goals achievable for you and the life you live.
#2 – Starting Saying, “Yes”!
Many studies have shown that one of the biggest factors in getting people to like you (both in dating and outside of dating) is having a positive attitude.
Think about it, have you ever been on a date or with a friend and all they did was complain or make things more difficult than it had to be? That is because they did not say “Yes” enough.
They brought a negative attitude into your world. With a mindset that you are going to start saying “Yes” and bring a positive attitude to your dating life you will not only have a better chance of attracting that special someone, but almost certainly you will have more fun doing it. (Article continued below).
#3 – At Least Once a Month, Step Into the ‘Discomfort Zone’
It’s so easy to get into a dating rut and because of that sometimes you must do things that you might not ordinarily want to do. But if you want to change your love life sometimes you have entered a place I like to call the ‘discomfort zone’.
This is a place where you feel a bit uneasy or nervous, but by being there it has the ability to make you growas a dater and a person. It could be going on that first speed dating event or taking the unusual step of asking someone out you hit it off with it at a party.
It also could mean dating people whom you might otherwise not consider as part of your dating pool.
For example, you may say you want someone taller that 6’0″ so drop your limit to 5’9″ or you only want to date someone who is your age, so now consider someone who is 7-10 years older.
The bottom line is if you’re looking at your love life and not liking the results then it’s time to change things up to get the results you want and deserve.
#4- Learn to Become a Better Dater
In school they teach us English, they teach us math, even ultra-specific vocations like wood shop, but rarely, if ever, do we learn how to date and connect with other human beings.
The good news is there has never been a better time to get out there and learn how to become an expert dater. There are books, online programs and in
person seminars right at your fingertips and knowledge is power here.
Being a good dater means you have a self-awareness and a skill set that matches those in of a great athlete or a chef in their disciplines.
#5 – Find an Accountability Partner
A big mistake many of us make when starting a New Year’s resolution is we go at it alone. Finding someone who is rooting for you and supporting you on your resolution’s journey makes it so much harder for you to give up when things get tough.
This person can be a fellow single who has the same dating goal as you, or a close friend or family member, or even a relationship coach like myself. I can help you as well, lets start with a conversation, schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me here.
So it’s up to you to build your new years resolution a support team with a simple goal of winning the dating championship by finding that person you want and deserve. When you invest in yourself in life and career, you reap rewards. Dating is no different.
Learn how to fast track to finding true love this year. Let’s talk!
I’ve gathered the top creative places my clients meet their partners! Now I’m sharing them with you! Whether it’s finding love during the holidays or any time of year, these creative and easy tips will get you out connecting with like-minded singles today. Grab your pen and paper, get ready to take some notes. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me at www.MeetWithAmie.com
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel here, this way I can update you with more Conscious Dating and relationship tips that find lasting love!
It’s important to understand that there are levels of narcissism. The most serious is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), which is a personality disorder that should be treated if possible (around 1% of the population has it).
Then there are also lower, more nuanced levels of narcissistic behavior that exist in people in our everyday lives. The problem is studies are showing that this group showing a lower level of narcissism is growing.
So when it comes to dating, I wanted to point out a few of the things I think you should look out for in order to avoid entering relationships with this growing pool of narcissistic people out there.
Here’s my Top Five Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist & How to End the Cycle. If you find yourself in a cycle of dating narcissists and you want to stop, I can help. Let’s connect, schedule a free Relationship Readiness Review with me at http://www.meetwithamie.com.
Does anyone really know where this idea that waiting three dates to have sex with someone actually came from? Maybe it started from a woman who had a bunch of one-night stands and realized she wasn’t getting any guys to like her… so let’s wait, but not too long. Or maybe it was a man who convinced a woman that five dates is way too long, three sounds good, doesn’t it?
Although I don’t know if many people out there really consider it a steadfast rule to live by, plenty seem to live by it. Recent studies have shown that on average couples wait three to five dates to have sex and pending the speed of the relationship, this can take anywhere from a few weeks to a month or more.
Although this three to five dates is the average, when it comes to finding a quality long-term partner, the amount of time you wait to have sex with them could have an effect on the quality of that relationship.
According to Dr. Mark Regnerus, author of Premarital Sex in America, “Couples who hit the honeymoon too early—that is, prioritize sex promptly at the outset of the relationship—often find their relationship underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.”
The bottom line is, time seems to be on your side when it comes to knowing “when” to have sex with a potential partner and the increased chance of having a good relationship. Here the top four reasons you should forget the 3-date rule and just have sex when you’re ready.
1) Sex Clouds Your Judgement
One of the important elements I teach in my Conscious Dating Programsis that the human brain and body does not just experience pleasure during sex; they also experience stronger sensations of attachment and bonding. Our minds are actually built to bond during and after sex, so the moment you have sex with a partner the biological bonding process has begun.
The hormones released during sex cause feelings of connection, love, happiness, and closeness — it literally tricks our brain into imagining things are much deeper than they are (blinded love syndrome), and that we have a special relationship with this person, even though it’s just sex.
Simply put, you have a better chance of making better decisions in dating when you have not become sexually involved with your dating partner.
Sexual involvement early in a romantic relationship increases the chances of making quick decisions like moving in together or getting married too soon, which in turn is associated with a chance of lower relationship quality.
2) The Stats Prove it
The bottom line is that when it comes to sex, the longer you wait the better the chance of getting into a strong relationship. A study by the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology backs this up with statistics that might surprise you (it actually did for me). Couples who wait until marriage to engage in sex report to have:
– 20% higher relationship satisfaction
– 12% better communication patterns
– 22% less consideration of divorce
– 15% better sexual quality
I am not suggesting that you wait until marriage to have sex in order to have a great relationship or marriage, but these statistics cannot and should not be ignored.(Article continued below).
3) The Good Ones Will Wait
Anyone who is really interested in you in the long-term is going to be perfectly happy with waiting a little longer. They say, “good things come to those who wait” and when it comes to finding a quality partner for you, this is a phrase you should preach.
Think about it…if you are interested in spending the rest of your life with someone, wouldn’t waiting another month or two or three be worth it?
4) Waiting Promotes Better Communication
One of the ancillary benefits of waiting longer than a few dates to have sex is that the time promotes communication about sex between you and your partner.
This helps on two fronts; it opens up lines of communication to establish that you two are on the same page in terms of when would be the right time to have sex and you also get to see how your partner communicates on really important issues.
Talking about when to have sex can sometimes be awkward. If the two of you show good communication on this front, then it is safe to assume that you will be able to talk about other important relationship issues down the road: like money, child rearing, etc.
In the end, all that communication currency you have built up leads to fewer issues, less tension, less chance of divorce, and the ultimate prize, a great relationship.
If you’re struggling with holding your boundaries and are constantly in short term non-committal relationships but want something long-term, then let’s talk. I can help, schedule a FREE Relationship Readiness Review with me here.