Hope you’re all well and have enjoyed the summer, I recently went to Edinburgh on a little family holiday to visit the fringe festival and had a fab time with all my fave people.
I have decided to add a new section to my blog all about my favourite hobby which happens to be reading (yes I am aware that I am probably the world’s most boring 21 year old going, however that is what happens when your body is trying to destroy your life).
I have embarked on a journey to complete the 52 books in 52 weeks challenge in 2018. I have just finished reading book 33 which was a book called “Why Mummy Swears” written by the fabulous Gill Sims. Having previously read and enjoyed “Why Mummy Drinks” I was very excited to read this one, one thing I will say is I have probably over 100 books and have a problem with buying new ones every time I read one jut to replace the one I have just finished reading.
Ross picks my next books that I read off of my shelves so it’s always a wonderful surprise at what type of genre I am going to be thrown into next.
Anyway I want to talk about “Why Mummy Swears” Gill Sims does something that everyone loves and combines chicklit with cracking comedy, you’re taken on a journey with Ellen (exasperated mother) Simon (distant father) Jane (social media influencer daughter in the making) and Peter (son, that loves nothing more than farting and making someone guess what he’s eaten).
Now I don’t have children however I can relate to this book on so many levels, especially seeing how grown up young kids are now and also I can see bits of my childhood in this book, the rows with my sister, the endless slog of doing homework and generally being a pain in the arse wherever possible. But I can also see parts of Ellen in plenty of people I see on a day to day basis who just wants to peruse her passion but is treated differently for being “a mere female” and having to fight against her husbands old fashioned habits in which a woman’s sole purpose is to clean, cook and look after the kids while he goes out and earns the money!
Gill flips these stereotypes on their head when Ellen embarks on her dream career and goes back to work full time meaning Simon has to step up to the plate and take responsibility for his children!
Throughout the book you will pick up many new swear words and fabulous phrases some of which include “eleventybillion” and “buggering pig dog” which may be one of my fave nicknames for a pet ever! My repertoire of swear words and new phrases is fuller than ever thanks to her comedy genius mind!
This book will have you laughing and swearing in your head the whole way through due to being frustrated with some of the characters and I will put money on the fact that you know at least 1 person In your real life working or personal that is exactly like one of the characters in this book! Who knows maybe one of the characters is you in a former life…
So overall I would give this a 9/10 and it’s definitely one that I would go back and read again as it would be an easy pick on a rainy day sat in your pjs wanting to escape to another planet for a while!
I’d love to know what you think of my book reviews and would love to know if anyone would be interested in running an online book club/book swap open internationally where we can come together over a common hobby, make some friends and build a support network!
Keep an eye out for my next review which will be all about “Legendary” by Stephanie Garber which is the sequel to “Caraval”
Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while, I’ve had some things that I needed to overcome and deal with that at the time I needed to do 1) because I wanted to and 2) because I needed help. This in turn has meant I have spent a month or so away from my blogs but I’m back now and will be uploading once a month minimum!
So the first thing I had to deal with and rise above was self harm and my depression hitting rock bottom. I touched on this briefly in my last blog and mentioned I had considered it, well not long after I wrote that I continued to decline and ended up scratching the skin off of a section of my hand. And yes for those not in tune with self harm it’s not all about blades and how it looks on TV. I have only told those closest to me about this and for a good reason…I was petrified of being judged, being told off, being told I was stupid and worst of all I thought people would think I’d done it for attention (yes a lot of people still think that’s one of the reasons many people self harm…guess what?! It’s not so stop with the bullshit labels).
So I took a huge leap of faith for myself and also for my family and loved ones around me. Yep signed myself up for counselling, now to some that probably sounds like no big deal and I get that so people can talk easier than others. However I hate talking about my issues or how I’m feeling my first instinct is to cry and shut myself off from others and I realised that if I keep doing that not only would I make myself worse and potentially end up going further than self harm (and sorry to my family etc but that did cross my mind at one point) but I would also push Ross and my family away when I needed them most. So I put my big girl knickers on and thought “fuck it I’m done feeling like this and not putting my health first.” Here I am now 4 sessions in and I can make it through a whole session without crying and fully putting myself out there which I am so proud of myself for doing! (I will also add that my depression got so bad partly because doctors gave me diazepam and holy shit that stuff is the devil, that’s one off the list of meds never going in my mouth or body EVER again)
The next thing I had to chat to myself about was my social situation, I’ll tell you for why…I am so done putting all the effort in with those around me and getting NOTHING back! Like if you don’t want to be my friend or deal with my shit, TELL ME don’t just sit there and act like you pity me or feel sorry for me cause guess what?! I don’t need that in my life, I have enough shit to deal with on my own let alone your half arsed back stabbing friendship.
I’d rather have my 1 solid best friend and even though I haven’t known her long she is always straight there when I need her, when I self harmed she was the one I told, when I had to have some help going to the toilet and stuff at work she offered and I’m sure she’d offer to push me in a wheelchair if it came down to it! She is the nicest girl I have ever met and I will forever be grateful that our paths crossed and I made a friend for life! She’s got a no bullshit attitude and when I complain she doesn’t pity me she makes a joke out of it and I normally cry laugh and it makes everything better! Kristina you are an absolute rockstar to me I absolutely adore you and my life wouldn’t be the same if you hadn’t come to me when I needed you most so thank you girl!
As for the rest of you that can’t be arsed to respond to messages or can’t be bothered to message first that’s fine no loss on my behalf.
Another thing I’ve realised recently as well is how much I need and love my sister (I love and need all my family FYI) but bethany has been there for me over the past month like a big sister from a storybook. She messaged me as soon as she read my last blog and told me day or night she’s there to call or text, she took me shopping twice during that time as well. It was exactly what I needed and we had a laugh and it was so special to me that during that time when I was going through the worst stage so far in my life, she was there for me when I needed her most. We haven’t always got on as well as sisters should but she looks after me, protects me and I know that when the time comes for her to push me in a wheelchair she’ll be using it like a go kart!
The final thing I’ve realised is, fuck negativity and negative people. If you have someone in your life that does nothing but hold you back or make snide shitty little comments about your life choices…BIN THEM! You do you and live your best life, wear that tight dress, tell the person you’re crushing on you like them, bin that friend you don’t need them, you can’t live your life on what ifs and always saying no! Take those chances and shine as bright as you can yes not everyone will like you but that’s fine because that’s their issue and some people won’t like them either. The world isn’t perfect, you’re not perfect so don’t try to be someone you’re not just to please others around you, love and embrace your imperfections people will love and support you for being true to yourself!
1 question “what’s the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with in your life”
1000 ways to answer this…I won’t do all of them but I will go through some of the answers that I have for this question.
Answer number 1: battling my body on a daily basis, knowing that every morning I wake up the pain is still there and that it won’t ever leave. Knowing that I’m 21 years old and it’s only going to get worse. So many doctors have told me that this is going to get worse and that management is key, which is fine however some days I’m not in the mood to manage it and I just want to let it wash over me and consume me. Waking up every day and feeling like you haven’t slept, like you have pulled an all nighter when actually you’ve had 9 hours sleep.
Answer number 2: Battling my own brain and head to fight my mental health before it takes over my life and potentially has the power to make me hurt even more. So this may upset a few people but last night I officially felt like I had hit rock bottom. If it hadn’t been for Ross talking to me and calming me down, if it hadn’t been for him I would have self harmed and ended up in a terrible state. Yes I am admitting that last night I almost self harmed. I felt like a waste of space, like no one would be bothered if I did, I’m just another person on a planet of millions of people, no one would notice just one more person overcome by mental health. And I’m sorry if this upsets my family or my friends but it’s the truth and I always promised myself that these posts would be truthful, no sugar coating of making it look like something it’s not. If Ross hadn’t been there to support me last night would have been very different. Mental health is not a joke and I will never see it as one people need to speak about mental health openly to help others and encourage others to not be ashamed.
Answer number 3: Being disabled and all my disabilities being invisible. Having to battle with the general public that yes I have every bloody right to park in that disabled space because I have a blue badge. Yes I can walk that doesn’t mean that you can judge me for needing extra support and judge me for using a parking space. I’m not happy with my life I’m not sure I ever will be or will ever come to terms with all this shit that I put up with. It’s always 1 step forward 5 steps back with me and it angers me and makes me unbelievably sad.
Living with problem after problem is not easy and will never be easy but we all get dealt a hand of cards when we’re born, how you play those cards is down to you. Only you can make the choices that you do in life when faced with something difficult or heartbreaking. You only get one set of cards, no do overs no swapping cards once a decision is made and a life choice put in place you can’t go back. Leaving the past behind and playing into the future is the best anyone can do don’t let anything hold you back in life.
I hope you are all doing well or at least doing better than me! I am now in week 5 of my flare up I think and on week 3 of working from home due to it.
So during this flare up I have gone arse over tit down the stairs and done ligament damage to my right knee (I’ll pop a pic of my bruise down below as well). I have been on my crutches for the majority of my flare as well and am still using them, today is actually the worst day I have had through this whole flare my skin is so itchy and red hot so I want to take a cheese grater to it…(for those of you that don’t know fibromyalgia can cause irritation to the skin so even my clothes are making my skin feel awful today)
I haven’t socialised up in the past 3 weeks due to working from home I have not really seen Ross and his family and and my family. My lovely work girlies took me out for a smash burger on Monday night and I had the best time, I laughed so much that my hip popped out and hasn’t been the same since.
Regardless of the above (I’m done being a moaner now) I have started to take my anti depressants again and I am in the best head space I ever been in for such a long time. The flare ups are bearable if you can manage your head space and I am so proud that I have been stern with myself and told myself that the tablets are okay and it’s okay for my body to need a little bit of help.
So that’s mostly why I haven’t blogged in a while, anyway I wanted to talk about 2 things that I want to recommend/have discovered recently to help with my flares. The first is the app Echo, this is where you can put your repeat prescriptions through online and have them delivered to your door. The best thing about this is that they send you a reminder to tell you hen you need to request a new order, mine come from a pharmacy from London and are delivered to my door in a week. So if you don’t like going out and or gong to the pharmacy OR you struggle to leave the house go and ave a look at Echo.
Now the next thing is CBDLife UK, they are a website that do Hemp Cannabinoid Supplements in a wide variety of items. So I have the vape in strawberry and blackcurrant flavour, the reason being is when I initially researched any type of hemp oil everyone was talking about how disgusting it tastes and the best way for hemp oil to work is to ingest it. So for me the vape works so well it comes in a little case you can just throw in a bag and its so small and dainty (I’ll insert a picture) it’s a really good way to dull the pain and you can use it as much as you like throughout a day. Don’t get me wrong you will still need painkillers killers but there’s a daily dose for those so hemp is a good top up.
So if you guys want to check them out I have a link where you can get some discount https://cbdlifeuk.com?raf=ref9559508 also disclaimer I’m not getting anything for recommending either item it’s just things that I love and have found helpful. I would love to know if you go onto to use either and if they are helpful or if you already use them.
Anyway I’m going to sign off for now it’s been nice to rite something a bit different today! I’d love to know what you think and also as per usual all my social media is below so go and give me a follow if you want daily updates on my life and other such stuff.