Virginity isn’t popular in our culture, no, not even among Christians. Contrary to popular opinion, God takes it seriously and warns us strongly against the sin of fornication (sex outside of marriage consisting of a husband and his wife). Remember, He destroyed two cities due to fornication. Then in Revelation, we are told about the “great whore, which did corrupt the earth with her fornication” (Revelation 19:2). Fornication corrupts.
All of His commands to us are for our good; they are good, and acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2). They aren’t to cause us to “miss out” on anything, women. He’s our Creator and knows best. If you are young and a virgin, I encourage you to remain this way until your wedding night. You will NEVER regret it, but you will regret it if you don’t. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you will always be thankful for the choices you make that are in obedience to God’s commands; for they are good.
Here are some good reasons, by the women in the chat room, why staying a virgin until marriage is good:
“If you’re not a virgin, you carry that garbage into your marriage bed and it is hard to handle! This is said from experience, sadly. That’s one thing out of everything in my life I wish I could change.”
“For one, retaining one’s virginity means there will be no risk of infecting one’s spouse with a sexually transmitted disease. Also, there will be a stronger bond, being that you have not united your body to anyone else’s.”
“Being a virgin is good because: 1) There is no standard for ‘perfect’ sex, and you get to explore sex together without comparing each other to someone else; 2) There is no baggage from past relationships or one night stands to haunt you, or for Satan to use to make you feel guilty and dirty; 3) There is no insecurity that stems from past break ups or a man who cheated on you; 5) There is less likely to be a desire to control or manipulate your husband using sex; 6) The most important reason: your innocence before a holy God; 7) There are no STDs and no history of abortion.
“My husband and I talk often about how we wish we had been virgins for each other, and we will never get that back. I praise God that we are new creatures in Christ.”
“I believe it makes it easier to remain faithful to one’s husband: faithful before marriage and faithful after. I seriously could not imagine being intimate with any other man than my husband. That has never appealed to me for even a moment.”
“I would give anything to be rid of the memories of other men. I’ve repented, of course, and l’ve asked my husband to forgive me, as his help meet, but I wish I could have given him all of me untarnished. And still, thanks be to God for His mercy, unfailing kindness, and redemption.”
“There’s a lot of good reasons, but the main one is that God commands it. He is the Creator of sex, sexuality, and relationships, and He know how they work best. Not only does following His commands show honor and obedience to Him, but it shows Him that we trust Him in all things.
“In addition, there is something different about sexual sin that impacts us in a way that other sins do not: ‘Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without his body, but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body’ (1 Corinthians 6:18).”
This comment is from Robert Zeurunkl (a letter he wrote to his children) on this post: “There will be a lot of people who will tell you, ‘Oh, if you repent, Jesus will restore you.’ Well, yes, and no. He will forgive, and He can restore your position as a son or daughter. But He will not (because He cannot?) undo the past and make it so that you never did a thing, and He won’t make you forget it either. You will carry that knowledge for the rest of your life, and it will be a thorn in your side.
“Paul addresses this in his admonishment to us to ‘Guard our hearts, for out of it flow all the issues of life.’ God designs our memories such that they are permanent. What goes in, stays in. Paul reminds us of this with his admonishment. Guarding your heart is the work of protecting it by 1) daily meditating on the word of God, so that it renews our mind, and 2) keeping and conducting ourselves according to the principles that God says are for our good.
“The joy you have, every single day, for the rest of your life in waking up every day knowing that ‘I am my beloved’s, and his [her] desire is towards ME [only]…’ is worth and beyond many earthly riches.”
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:3
God’s plan for us to avoid fornication is to get married! Putting off marriage for higher education and careers is not His perfect plan for us, women. Since so many are doing this, fornication is rampant in the universities and among the young people even in the churches. So what if you’re poor when you first are married and have to struggle. There is no sin in this but there is sin in fornication. Most young people burn. It’s time to start rethinking getting married young and accepting it as a good thing.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
“I’m from the South and it’s almost as if women are trained to henpeck their husbands. I was taught this by my mother, grandmother, and aunt, by example. I don’t know why this happens because it not only makes the men feel depressed, it also depresses the women. I try not to do that; however, I don’t know how to get things across without henpecking. For example, my husband will never take out the trash unless I ask him. And I’m an extremely headstrong, dominant personality and he is not really a leader or teacher type. He is more the engineering type. I love my husband and we have a great relationship though I could be ‘nicer.’ Any words of wisdom?” (Virginia)
“I just take out the trash myself. I expected my husband to when we got married because my father always did. When I asked him why he didn’t take out the trash my husband looked at me like, ‘Are you handicapped?!’ So, I have taken it out for over 20 years and it isn’t so bad. In fact, right now we don’t have trash service so I have to take it to a dumpster. Sometimes I look forward to taking it out so I can stop at the thrift store, etc.” (M)
Instead of getting offended and angry with her husband, she obeyed him and found good that came from it! Instead of tearing her marriage down because her husband wouldn’t take out the trash, she decided to take out the trash and build up her home.
“Oh, I totally understand this! I have a fairly dominant personality as well, and there have been times when I have had to take charge. I was raised by a woman who, in later years, would tell my father that she wouldn’t have to nag if he had listened the first time.
“A meme I saw on Facebook the other day said: ‘If a man says he’ll fix something, he’ll fix it. There’s no need to remind him every few months!’
“In my marriage, I no longer ask my husband to do anything, if I can help it. If I want the trash taken out, I either do it myself or I tell one of the kids to do it. This doesn’t mean my husband does nothing around the house – he’s very domesticated as his mother raised him to be – but it means there is no more bitterness with me feeling annoyed that I have to keep asking him to do stuff, and him getting annoyed at my nagging.
“It’s not something I have been consciously doing for long so I still slip up, but it’s making a huge difference to the peace in our home.” (KAK)
She has decided that instead of nagging a husband to do something, she will do it herself since she desires a peaceful home over being a contentious wife. She is pleasing the Lord as she serves her husband.
“Hi Virginia, my situation is similar to yours. Ever since finding Lori’s blog and delving back into God’s Word, I have been working on holding my tongue at the (yes, engineering-type) husband, and just keeping silent (not silent-treatment, just a pleasant absence of hen-pecking!). It’s not always easy for me (I, too, was brought up watching my mother ‘nag’ and my father getting moody over it – and we’re northerners!), but the more I practiced it, the easier it got, and God rewarded my efforts!
“For example, I would just do normal chores without commenting or complaining about it, and over time my husband became much more attracted to me. He would not only express appreciation over little things (which he never really did before), but even became more physically intimate over what seemed to me the smallest matters – and I don’t think it had anything to do with me completing the task, as I had done it many times in the past (hello, clean clothes in the drawers, not exactly news!), it’s just that I did it without grumbling!
“It’s been so encouraging, and totally worth keeping my mouth shut, just to see the difference in my husband’s attitude, which of course affects the vibe of the whole house and family. I was so floored by it, I told my mom all about it and she was so impressed, SHE started trying the same thing after years of hen-pecking through 50 years of marriage! Give it a try and stick with it in prayer, and God will bless your efforts, too!” (D)
It’s NEVER too late to begin obeying God by serving your husband. As you serve him, you are serving the Lord! Henpecking and nagging never make a marriage better. No, they only serve to build up a big wall between husband and wife, thus tearing the marriage apart.
The above comments in quotations were written by women. This last one was written by a man.
“Different husbands lead (and delegate) in different ways. Some husbands will just tell their wives what they expect of them, what they desire, what they prefer, and what they don’t prefer. For example, they want their wife to be responsible for taking out the trash. Other husbands will let their wishes, preferences, and desires be known through indirect comments and/or through their actions. M’s husband expressed his wishes with a ‘look’ and M got the message, submitted to her husband, and has experienced blessings (from God and her husband) for doing so every day since.
“Virginia, your husband is expressing his desire and delegating that task to you through his actions. If he wanted (and felt that it was his responsibility) to take out the trash, he would be doing it without you asking… over and over and over again like a continual dripping (Proverbs 27:15-16). Because he is not doing it, even after you have indicated to him (how many times?) that you feel that it is his responsibility, his actions are showing you that he wants it to be – your responsibility. Even though he might not have said those words, his actions are ‘speaking’ loudly and clear. Words of wisdom? Submit to your husband’s demonstrated wishes and (without a word or a look or a huff or a sigh, preferably when he is not even there to see it). Take the trash out yourself.
“Feminism has taught (rolling pin to the head and no sex in the bed) many husbands to hold their tongues and not say everything that they would like to say, but a husband should not always have to speak to lead, delegate, or make his preferences known.
“Many women complain that their husbands don’t lead but if a wife makes herself a student of her husband, (mouth closed, eyes and ears open) she will find a lot of unspoken (or mildly spoken) leadership and direction is already there.”
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.
1 Peter 3:5
This topic is near and dear to my heart. Because I refer to myself as a “recovering career woman.” I say “recovering” because much like the recovering addict, I was addicted to my career. I was addicted to my title, influence, money, nice clothes, and yes, the corner office. But when I became a Christian, and began to study God’s Word, I realized that all these things were my idols and fed my sins of pride and ego, as well.
As I became more knowledgeable about God’s Word, I realized He has a divine role for women (and men). Because His ways are perfect, I wanted that which is perfect and good!
I left my six figure “career” and embraced my new, divinely appointed career as a keeper of the home. This did not happen overnight, as I told myself all the usual excuses for declining God’s perfect career for women.
I have a college education! I’m too talented to just “stay home”! I need the money! I searched high and low for Scriptures to support my previous lifestyle. I didn’t find any. If I’m honest, REALLY honest, my ego didn’t want to give up my career.
However, once I finally made the decision, and became a full time keeper of the home, nothing could be better! Nothing in my former dog-eat-dog, back-biting corporate job compares to the joy and accomplishment of tending to my garden…both literally and figuratively. Nothing compares to the title of being my husband’s wife. When we believe God is Sovereign, we believe that ALL of his Word is Truth.
Lastly, Lori, it is because of your teaching on this site that I finally got the courage to become a full time keeper of the home. I read all your posts for months and compared them to Scripture. Thank you for what you do! I may have missed out on the best career I’ve ever had!
She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness.
There’s an article in the New York Times called, “How Should Christians Have Sex?” In it, the Christian author, Katelyn Beaty, tries to explain why the purity culture was harmful and dangerous. She was taught abstinence until marriage and signed a pledge that she would wait for sex until her wedding night. There were purity rings, purity balls, and even journals in which she wrote letters to her future husband. She feels that instead of teaching the beauty within marriage, it led to shame and an unhealthy view of sex and one’s body.
Now, in her early thirties, she has determined that being taught by the purity movement was harmful and dangerous to many Christians. Somehow the teaching she learned about purity no longer works once you get past 23 years old and are still unmarried. She surmises that there must be a better way to teach what God requires of us. “Purity culture as it was taught to my generation hurt many people and kept them from knowing the loving, merciful God at the heart of Christian faith.”
It is hard for us to see all the supposed harm caused by the purity culture or how scarring it is said to be as many “Christian” young couples today are having sex outside of marriage and living together. Even Ms. Beaty seems to agree that the opposite approach of the “consent model” espoused by “Shameless” author Reverend Nadia Bolz-Weber, “leaves her with a sense of loss.”
Rev. Boltz-Weber is quoted as saying, “’It is time for us to grab some matches and haul our antiquated and harmful ideas about sex and bodies and gender into the yard, ‘burn it,’ and ‘start over.’ She proposes a sexual ethic grounded in the goodness of bodies and of sexual expression based in consent, mutuality and care.” This certainly seems practical, but since when did reverends start straying so far from God’s Word when creating their models for Christian living and sexuality? (I suppose when they began allowing women to be in authority in the churches!)
Ms. Beaty ends her article with these words, “While I hate the effects that purity culture had on young women like me, I still find the traditional Christian vision for married sex radical, daunting and extremely compelling — and one I still want to uphold, even if I fumble along the way.” It seems that here we find one more confused voice seeking answers but unwilling to look into God’s Word for the solutions. She exposes Joshua Harris and his book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” as one of the key culprits behind the purity movement and defends her view by his apology “that much of what he taught was not actually scriptural.”
We are not sure what parts of the book Joshua Harris is referring to as not scriptural, but this entire intent and premise of the book is on the solid bedrock of biblical teaching that all sex outside of marriage is wrong. God commands that the marriage bed be kept undefiled and that fornicators will be judged. We are called to be chaste: pure before marriage and faithful once married. This is abundantly clear in God’s Word which is filled with admonitions and warnings for the consequences which may befall those who engage in sexual sins.
Our children were raised during the purity culture. They went to a purity camp and learned all about being pure until marriage. They wrote out a list of the things they wanted in a spouse and prayed over it. Should we be shocked that they kept their promises to God?
The “purity culture” did not harm them in least. We are curious about this great harm that has come to Christian kids, but we surmise that much of it is related to the guilt that came when they broke their promises to God and to themselves. Our children were protected by the purity teaching (boundaries and Truth do this), but I can see that certainly the guilt and shame would have been heavier had they given up their virginity before they married. And here they would have relied on the most crucial of all teachings of the Word – that God forgives our sins.
Boundaries are highly beneficial for children and young adults. The fear of guilt and shame motivates each one of us daily, and when we fail, we know it, but we also know the answer to such guilt is to take it to the cross where all sin and shame belong, and “go and sin no more.”
Ms. Beaty appears to be searching for answers that will rightly place the teaching of purity on the positive reasons for keeping the marriage bed and bonds sacred, instead of on the shame of sex outside of marriage. So instead of passing around a cup and having everyone spit into it, then asking the last person, “Would you drink that?” she wants the Church to teach the positives of why we save ourselves for marriage.
We get it, but we can’t help wondering how we can do this without teaching the fact that each person you sleep with before marriage, you carry a piece of them with you throughout your marriage. Sometimes the piece you carry is very unpleasant and worse than drinking a cup of spit as you pick up their herpes, HPV, and a bunch of potential STDs, but sometimes it can be very pleasant memories that should belong only to your spouse, yet your mind wanders to another body at the time it should be bonding in greater intimacy with your spouse. Yes, sin has its short- and long-term consequences on this earth.
Sex before marriage is not free, but comes sometimes at a great cost, including babies outside of marriage, and worse yet, the murder of that unborn baby that follows. We wonder how much Ms. Beaty and others want to find a way to whitewash these costs by limiting or eliminating the teaching on the evils of pre-marital sex. They think that if we stop teaching how bad sex before marriage is and start teaching how important it is to keep the marriage bed sacred for its positive benefits, then the psychological and emotional scarring done to her and others when they sin will be lessened or disappear. It won’t and then they will have to find someone or something else to blame for their pain instead of the sin itself.
So, let’s turn to God’s Word on the matter and find all of those beautiful positives when sex is bound up with only one spouse in marriage. Where do we turn? The Song of Solomon? Does God give us such a complete picture of the absolute bliss of sex within marriage in this little book? Did God just screw up His Word on this important matter when He says repeatedly things like:
“Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Cor. 6:18-20).
God must not be teaching us right according to Ms. Beaty since 95 percent of His focus is on the negatives of sin (outside of marriage) instead of teaching us the positives (inside of marriage). Just look at the weight of scripture on the matter and it is nine to one negative teaching and warnings concerning sex, yet our “touchy feely can’t handle the shame” new world of Christianity wants to try to find a way to absolve their guilt and shame apart from God’s way. They do not want to take it to the cross where it belongs.
The sad commentary on our world is that when shame disappears a society collapses, and now the Christians want to jump on board the feel-good gospel. Guilt and shame are not bad things when they drive us back to Jesus and His saving grace. But if the sinner will not repent and is unwilling to cast their sins upon the cross in 30 A.D. believing that God has indeed forgiven them, and then “go and sin no more,” they are left searching for a solution other than the cross. They want to sterilize the purity movement of its accurate message of the cup filled with spit because after all, is not sex a beautiful thing? It sure is, and that is why God wants to protect us from its scars.
Is it possible that many are simply confusing the scars of their sins by blaming the purity movement because the guilt and shame hurts? We live in a new society and Church that wants everyone to “feel good” no matter what they do. You can’t even have a husband talk to a wife about overeating because that can lead to scars and pain, right? Sex outside of marriage and overeating should not be causing emotional pain, should they? So, let’s blame God’s Word for it, and if we can’t blame the Word, let’s blame the messenger and preacher who takes a strong stand against sin because they hurt me!
My conclusion is that, unfortunately, Ms. Beaty has fallen into the same game that the lukewarm Church wants to play with concerning sin. Instead of taking it back to God and allowing Him to place it on the cross of Christ, free and completely forgiven, then walking again in newness of life, they want all of the verses against fornication to be regulated to the old world, the old church, and no longer to be taught to a new modern “feel good” church. If your church is not making you feel good about who you are and your relationship with God, it is the church’s fault. Shame on them for emphasizing exactly what God emphasizes in the harms and evils of sin, especially sex outside of marriage. After all, it feels too good to be bad!
So how do we integrate faith and sexuality in ways that honor more than one’s desires, as she would like to figure out? Teach self-control and abstinence until marriage. Teach the beauty of sex within marriage and that most men (godly men, at least) do prefer to marry virgins.
Recognize that it wasn’t the purity culture that harmed Christian woman, but rather that those who failed in their promises to God and their future spouse can still find freedom from guilt and shame at the cross of Christ, but it comes at the cost of repentance (turning from one’s sin) and recognizing there still may be earthly consequences from their sin.
One cannot keep sinning in the same manner and expect to feel dead to sin, freed from sin, and alive in Christ Jesus (Romans 6). It doesn’t work that way and blaming the messenger won’t help. There is truly a lot more to sex than just two bodies enjoying each other for a short time. God intended it to be a fantastic gift within the bounds of marriage. Freedom from all guilt and shame is available to all sinners the moment we place our sins on the cross of Christ. Do so today and God will indeed restore you and make you brand new in Christ, just as He has promised.
The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.
1 Corinthians 7:34
How would you respond if your husband one day looked at you and said, “You’re eating too much. You need to lose weight” Most women would be highly offended and angry with their husbands. Some would even tell him that it’s none of their business and they shouldn’t ask them to do this. Then they would go to their friends and tell them how unreasonable their husbands are.
Is this the godly wife’s response? No. A godly wife would tell her husband that she will stop eating so much and begin to lose weight since she knows that when she obeys her husband, she is obeying God. Even if it offends her sensibilities, she would keep her emotions under control, respond to her husband’s request with respect, and go about eating less and losing weight.
A husband who says this to his wife is NOT in sin in any way. He is pointing out his wife’s sin. She’s the one in sin, not him as most want to say. As head over her, he has every right to point out his wife’s sin since he is to wash her with the Word and love her as Christ loves the Church. Christ is sure free to point out the Church’s sin, therefore, husbands are free to do so, too. Christ commands that we not be gluttons, therefore, there’s nothing wrong with husbands telling their wives to not be gluttons. Anything God takes seriously, we ought to take seriously, too.
Oh, but women will protest and say a husband can only say something like this IF he says it in a kind and loving way. 1 Peter 3:1-6 wouldn’t have had to be written if all husbands spoke kind and loving words to their wives. No, wives who are married to men who make requests like this, even if they aren’t loving and kind, are to live in subjection to their husbands without the word and with godly behavior. God covered this, women! You aren’t responsible for how your husband treats you or what he expects from you but only how you treat and respond to your husband.
I posted this on twitter the other day: “If your husband said to you, “You eat too much and need to lose weight,” how would you respond? Would you be angry with him and tell him it’s none of his business or with, “You’re right. I will eat less and lose weight”? The first response is rebellious and the second response is biblical.” I love one wise woman’s comment: “My husband and I have been married 37 years and when I get a little too fat he says, “You’re getting too fat; try cutting down.” And when he gets a little too fat I get on him for it. If you have a marriage that you can’t talk truth to each other then, that’s not gonna last.” A man responded, “Hm. If I see my wife taking bad habits into her life and becoming unhealthy because of them, I would be a terrible husband for not saying it. I keep it to myself when I don’t care.”
Weight and overeating are NOT off limits, women, even though other women will try to tell you that they are. How much you eat is important; for we are called to be moderate in everything and to not be gluttons. Gluttons eat more than they need. We are not to do this. We are to eat in moderation. Eating too much is not only a sin, but it’s harmful to our health.
Do you want to be a godly woman? Do you want to be obedient to the Lord in all areas of your life? Do you want to be a wise woman who takes rebuke? Then nothing should be off limits for your husband to confront you about. If he sees sin in your life, he should have the freedom to point it out in you. If he can’t, then who can?
As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.
Women simply want me to stop teaching women to be keepers at home. They bring up all of the exceptions. They bring up all of the “What ifs…?” They bring up all of the career women in the Bible who left their homes all day, five days a week, worked for a boss, and left their children in the care of others. (There were none.) They will bring up how much money the Proverbs 31 woman made and she just must have been a career woman. (She wasn’t.) They will tell me I am shaming working mothers so I just need to STOP!
Why are they so adamantly opposed to me teaching women what God commands I teach them, that younger women are to be keepers at home? Why does this ruffle their feathers so profusely? Why can’t they see how good it is for the children to have mothers who are home full time raising their own children? Can’t they see the great good in this? Who else is better at disciplining, teaching, caring for, training, and loving their own children then themselves?
Oh, they say, but the world needs nurses. Who would take care of the sick if there were no nurses? All of the women who weren’t mothers or had children at home, that’s who! There are others who can take the place of a nurse but no one can take the place of a mother. I recently heard that a female surgeon decided to quit her job to be a keeper at home. She wanted to be the one home to raise her children. She knew there were other surgeons who could take her place at work but NO one else who could take her place in her children’s lives.
“That’s too bad,” they’ll say. “She wasted all of that education and money to become a surgeon for what? Raising children and being stuck at home! Preposterous!” As if having a career, making money, having lots of stuff, and taking fancy vacations are more important than being the one home full time raising her own children. The women who value their “dreams,” money, and stuff over their own children is shameful!
Why do women think that making money is more important than raising their own children? Who deceived them in this way? Who caused them to believe that having strangers raise their children was better for their children than they were? Who taught them that their worth and value came from what career they had and how much money they made rather than raising the next generation?
Satan has got to be at the root of all of this. After all, it was Satan who deceived Eve in the garden by asking her, “Did God really say…?” Did God really say that women should be keepers at home? Does this mean that they really have to be home with their children full time or did He mean something else so they can go off and pursue their dreams?
Many are so good at twisting the Word of God to mean what they want it to say rather than what God said. He knows mothers are the ones who are to raise their children just as all of you do even though many won’t admit it. He knows that no one can take the place of a mother in a child’s life. This is why He commands older women to teach younger women to love their children (yes, even sacrifice for them, sacrifice your career aspirations for them, and sacrifice your body, time, and energy for them) and be keepers at home (yes, find satisfaction AT home raising the next generation).
His ways are good, women. They aren’t bondage as many want you to believe today. Working away from home five days a week for a boss and having others raise your children is bondage. God has called YOU to raise your own children. He wants you to LOVE them! He wants you to be with them full time. Your children will benefit more than you will ever know. Find contentment in God’s perfect will for your life.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Today’s unregenerate woman is a clamorous glory-hog that cannot imagine enduring a moment of only being seen and not heard. This busy body gads abroad on social media, by phone, and in person, minding everything but what God has called her to do. She’s quick to speak her mind always, rather than listening to other people’s perspectives and dare I say, perhaps even learning from them.
However, the thing that stirred up the opprobrium that you so graciously shielded us from is three-fold: first, the original commenter acknowledged that her husband has a preference, i.e. he would like to enjoy some silence when he gets home from work. Feminists do not allow men to have preferences. Only women can have preferences. If men are allowed preferences, soon they will start preferring debt free virgins who have no tattoos and who knows what else they will prefer next? A clean home, well behaved children, delicious and nutritious meals, and a vibrant marriage bed??? God forbid!!! So NO PREFERENCES for men.
Secondly, the original commenter demonstrated that not only does she take zero issue with her husband’s preference, she endeavors to give him what he wants and all the feminists cry, “Boo!” because their prideful hearts seethe at the thought of a wife looking to please her husband. Why, she’s letting team woman down! What about all the feminists of old who laid down their dignity, their fertility and their eternal life, so that wives today can defy their husbands? She’s being ungrateful by obeying God and her husband.
Thirdly, and most egregious, is that the husband in question gently prompts his wife to be quiet when she talks more than he deems appropriate. How dare he tell her what to do? Feminists are a law unto themselves and they answer to no one, least of all a husband. That is abusive in their books because women know better than men from a feminist perspective. They prefer a cowering passive husband who prefers nothing, and puts up with their selfishness. They are quick to point out that husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church, but don’t let husbands wash their wives with the water of the Word; that is out of order!!! (See also 1 Peter 3:4-5: Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.)
Thank you, Lori, for always encouraging every woman to submit to her OWN husband. Naturally, whereas every wife’s heart attitude ought to be the same i.e. submissive, it’s obvious that the practical outworking of submission for every wife will be as diverse as there are husbands. Just because one woman’s husband requires something different from her compared to another is not tantamount to abuse.
For example, I am not on Facebook, Twitter, or other forms of social media because my husband is of the view that my day is too busy. My husband also likes to know which blogs and books I read and often recommends books for me to read because he takes responsibility for my spiritual growth and likes to protect me from spiritual falsehoods. I am definitely a much better Christian for being married to my husband because he takes the time to point out areas in my life that need amendment and no, I am not abused.
Also, my husband grew up in a broken and unhappy home that was largely silent/quarrelsome with a distant unapproachable father so he longed for a cheerful home and a close relationship with his children. He purposed to marry a “happy” girl. I know how much this means to him so I don’t have mood swings, raise my voice at him, or give him the silent treatment ever. I quell tantrums in the children and teach them Proverbs 15:1. I speak highly of my husband to our children and everyone else and make provision in the week for family bonding activities.
My husband and children are very close which makes him so glad. We pray and sing together in our home and even in times of trial, I do my best to cheer everyone up because my husband prefers a happy atmosphere in the home. He calls me his MVP because I delight in doing what he wants which is my God given calling.
Let me urge all wives to be lifelong students of their husbands. Get to know what he wants and what his likes and dislikes are and don’t listen to detractors because you will give an account to God for your submission to your own husband.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Many of you see the many cruel comments that I receive daily, but I want you all to know that I receive MANY wonderful and inspiring comments on a daily basis, too, like this one!
“Hi there, I am not comfortable posting publicly, but I want you know in the midst of all the criticism, you have been a steady guide back to Jesus for me. Long story short, there are lots of older Christian women in my life, but none that love Jesus with their whole lives, read God’s word, or follow the Titus two lifestyle.
“You are it for me. God has graciously filled all of the gaps, but it has been a humbling process. I lost my marriage and I didn’t see my kids several days a week. I was raised in a sinful, broken, ‘Christian’ home, but I didn’t surrender to God’s will until after my divorce. I spent months and months spending every single second in the Bible and praying for my husband’s heart.
“I now have my husband and children back. We also have a new baby. I homeschool, cook all three meals, and most importantly, my kids are learning our faith. I still have a lot of refining ahead of me, but the work that God has done in my family is miraculous.
“The girls and women who you are positively impacting probably aren’t as loud as the critics, but Jesus, Paul, Peter, etc. have a lot to say about that! God sees your goodness and your reward is surely waiting for you! Please take heart and be encouraged! Thank you!”
I asked her for permission to post this since I want to continually encourage women towards biblical womanhood and hear about the transforming power of the Lord in other women’s lives. I am mocked and slandered continually about my “antiquated” ideas and trying to take women back to the ‘50s, but these antiquated ideas (biblical ideas) are what change people for their good.
There was an atheist recently that commented on one of my posts and wrote that there’s such a void in our culture and that what I write makes a whole lot of sense. Of course, it does, even for atheists, since God is their Creator, too, even though they don’t acknowledge it. God wrote our instruction manual and His ways are perfect!
I am receiving many good reviews about my new book Biblical Womanhood: A Study Guide. It’s my desire for women to get into the Word of God themselves, learn how God wants them to live, and begin living for Him because it not only benefits them, but their families and all who watch their example of godliness. Godly women are bright lights in the growing darkness. It’s exactly what this world needs most.
Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.
Why do many women seem so ready and willing to tell other women what their husbands are doing wrong, thus trying to tear their marriage apart? Why aren’t women more willing to encourage women in their marriages and build them up instead?
On a post a few weeks ago, a woman made the following comment:
“My husband likes to have a quiet dinner where he can discuss his day, etc. in a relaxed atmosphere without interruptions due to people talking over him. I know many wives who just start talking and going on and on as soon as their husbands walk through the door. This is not a peaceful environment.
“So, for our family, and as a sign of my submission to him, we have an unwritten rule that he is the only one allowed to talk at the dinner table, unless he addresses or asks me or one of the kids a direct question. This way he can talk uninterrupted and we can attentively listen. If I do talk too much on occasion, he will tell me gently, ‘That’s it; end it’ and I know that is my cue to be quiet and listen.
“I know this is not a requirement because the Bible only directs women to be silent in churches/gatherings, but it has led to peaceful quiet dinners and it’s what works for our family.”
MANY women commented under her comment telling her that her husband was wrong, she was being abused, and he was being cruel and unreasonable. They seemed determined to destroy her marriage and speak evil about her husband. I didn’t publish any of these comments since our goal, as Christian woman, should be to want to build marriages up, NOT tear them down.
The woman who wrote this comment said nothing about her husband being wrong. She said nothing about being or feeling abused and she said nothing about her husband being cruel. She sounds like a woman who honors and respects her husband. She isn’t trying to change him but trying to please him instead.
Her husband isn’t asking her to sin. He is simply asking for a peaceful and quiet home. He understands that most women’s nature is to talk A LOT and he doesn’t want this. She has submitted to his leadership and sees that it has produced good fruit. God commands women to have meek and quiet spirits for a very good reason!
“Be swift to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19). This is a good verse for many of us to memorize. It’s important for us to learn to listen, not interrupt others, and most importantly, obey our husbands, even if they want us to be quiet. Instead of trying to tear apart this woman’s marriage, women should have been encouraging and praising her for her example of submission to all of us even when it isn’t easy.
Speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
“For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
“Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
“Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
“Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
“For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
“Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
“Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
“BUT they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their’s also was.” (2 Timothy 3:1-9)
Many have resisted the truth in America. They mock and slander those who teach it. Their minds are corrupt and they’re reprobate (a person abandoned to sin) concerning the faith BUT (I love the but!) they shall proceed not further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men. We have no cause to fear, women!
How are we to live in these perilous times? “But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned…” (2 Timothy 3:14). Be in the Word consistently. Cling to His promises in it. Live godly lives daily in obedience to the Lord. Remind yourself that the JOY of the Lord is your strength. Your times are in His hands. He will never leave nor forsake you. Love all those around you and pray for them. Everyone needs Jesus. They need the Gospel.
For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.
1 Timothy 2:4