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Field story brought to you by FTO Ron Goodpaster The Call

There I was, a salty veteran street cop who was assigned to shape young minds and teach them the job.  The mighty FTO. There is no situation I can’t guide my trainee through, or so I thought… We were patrolling a rural area when a call came in for a horse fight.

It seemed like an odd thing to be assigned, but critter calls came with the patrol area. I knew the house, or rather trailer, that we were going to. It belonged to a gal that lived alone and took in stray horses, much like some would do with cats.

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The Scene

I was hoping she would be home, but no such luck. When we arrived, the place looked like a bad scene from Mad Max beyond Thunderdome with 20 pissed off horses. There were various gates and fences strapped to trees with bailing wire and ropes. The outer perimeter was still secure, but several of the internal gates were down and the horses were going nuts.

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The Demon Horse

The largest of the horses was a huge red evil thing with eyes that glowed with demon fire. He was running around kicking and biting the other horses. His face was covered with blood. He will always be known to me as “Satan.”

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Cease and Desist!

Using all of my amazing veteran Officer command presence, I ordered the horses to cease and desist. It was every bit as effective as you would expect.

I looked at my trainee, shrugged my shoulders, and admitted that I knew nothing about horses nor had any idea how to stop this fight.

Brimming with confidence, he told me he had been raised on a ranch and he’s “got this.” Praise the lord..

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My Trainee to the Rescue

My trainee went to the trailer and found a lasso on the porch.

He told me to follow him and he quickly climbed the fence into the Thunderdome.

Once on the ground, He puts his arms out in a “t” shape. He was making his body bigger. He then starts saying “ho” in a very cowboy like voice. Apparently, “ho” really means something in horse, because most of them responded immediately.

Now convinced a real cowboy was on scene, I climbed the fence to assist. I followed behind, closing and wiring shut gates while I watched in amazement.

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In 5 minutes, we had all but “Satan” and a couple other horses separated from the fray. It was then that “Satan” spotted the weak link in the cowboy chain…. Me…

He stared at me like Hannibal Lector with a can of fava beans.

Suddenly, he charged!

I screamed like a little girl and ran for the closest gate.

Physics was not on my side, and “Satan” caught up to me before I could climb.

Time was running out and I knew I wouldn’t make it over the fence on time.  I could feel Satan getting closer. I could feel his breath. I could feel my impending death. I could see my headstone:

“Ron Goodpaster

Honorable FTO trampled by Satanic Horse”

I turned to face my end in an honorable fashion.

With just a split second to react, I did the only thing I could think of….

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I pepper sprayed the crap out of Satan’s face!

The distraction gave me just enough time to get over the gate with only a minor head bump by Satan on my backside.

I think the speed record I set that day, for tactical withdrawal over a gate, still stands.

The real cowboy managed to lasso Satan while separating him from the other horses.

With Satan finally out of the fray, the fight was finally over.

How my trainee was able to lasso Satan while laughing raucously at me remains a mystery. Needless to say, he got good marks that day from a humbled FTO…

The post FTO: The Real Horse Whisperer appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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The Devil’s In The Dance Moves

Is the Salty Sarge the only cop in America to vehemently oppose seeing cops lip syncing like pre-teens in a talent show? I think not based on recent feedback from Salty Sarge Nation.  That said, they seem to have grown on some of you in the audience, while others are ready to be done with the conversation.

I too am getting tired of cops dancing to Bruno Mars songs…

Tired of seeing them…

Tired of hearing them…

It’s time to STOP.

I saw one recently to “Because I Got High”… Are we serious people?

Cops lip sync Afroman's "because I got high" - YouTube

I share this video as a matter of publicly shaming these officers. Please hand in your gun and your badge.  There is a fire unit that needs help staging somewhere.  I’m sure all the folks in the firehouse would welcome you right aboard. As for us cops… We have work to do and you are a distraction.

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Let this article act as a eulogy of sorts… A eulogy, if the recently deceased was a drunken mess who always ruined family outings.

That’s how I feel about cops lip syncing while I’m on the job.  My intention is to fully put the subject to bed here.

I may make fun of cops lip syncing down the road if it is warranted, but my intention is to kill whatever life they may still have…. Hopefully this post doesn’t go viral and breath more life into the movement… Although I would kind of like that a little.

So Here It Goes…

I remember growing up as a kid when cops were real-life superheroes.  They had the ultimate rough and tough image. What better way to become a superhero yourself than by becoming a cop?

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I wanted to get down and dirty, be in the trenches, and fight America’s battles. I truly wanted to serve and protect our citizens.

My dad would come home from work with holes in his blue work pants, scrapes on his hands and elbows.

I’d ask “What happened today, dad?”

He’d reply in his gruff voice, “sometimes work is tough.”

Tough.  That’s the word I thought of when I thought of being a police officer. And you know what? I was inspired by that… It made me want to be a cop with everything I had.

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What do our kids see when they think about cops? Would they feel the same way?

Jurisdictions that were once viewed as hard as nails, keeping criminals at bay are on youtube, in uniform, belting out ‘Ironic’ by Alanis Morissette.

And let me put this out there for everyone to read… I AM ALL FOR FUN. But there is a time and a place.

Our New Image.

We’re putting a new image out there and I don’t think it’s a good one.

Many departments these days have social media accounts. They are pioneering the digital image of policing in an era of social media.

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A quick perusing of these social media accounts turns up scores of uniformed police officers engaging in lip syncing battles and too many other silly gimmicks to count. If cannabis is a gateway drug, then cops lip syncing is a gateway activity…

It goes beyond good P.R. in the toughest times of our career from a public perception standpoint.

I’m told many in the community love seeing cops lip syncing. “It makes cops relatable,” they’ll say. “It makes them more approachable.”  I say it is killing the very fabric the criminal justice system is built on.

It’s cute.

We, as cops, are not cute. We were never meant to be cute. We are meant to be TOUGH. We are meant to be noble. We are meant to be just. We are meant to be leaders. We are meant to be stoic. We are meant to be brave.

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Be silly on your own time. Hell, we can even be vulnerable, but that’s got to come from being real with the American people.  That’s got to come from letters like this: “Heartfelt Message From a Police Officer’s Daughter”.

Yes, it’s argued that cops lip syncing helps with police-community communications, as well as fostering awareness, but there have got to be better ways to promote good relations and transparency without putting on a clown show.

If we really want to be relatable, it’s time we speak up about our experiences as officers. It’s time we really share with our communities, who are clearly yearning for a deeper level of communication, understanding and connection, what we go through on a daily basis.  We need to share with them in a truly authentic way. I promise my brothers and sisters that we are far more relatable than anyone can imagine.

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Cops Lip Syncing: A Final Word.

I am running the risk of going too deep so I’ll conclude with this:

It is time to STOP.

Yes, I’m old school… Yes, I’m actually old.  Yes, I’m grouchy… And No, I don’t want to lighten up.

…But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

We are not a circus and we need to stop fake singing our way into a corner.

Is Harry Callahan permanently retired?

If cops start doing the Kiki Challenge en masse, I might retire too.

The post Cops Lip Syncing: A Final Farewell appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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Salty here. I received this heartfelt message not too long ago. Its from a cop’s daughter who graciously allowed me to share with Salty Sarge Nation.

The Heartfelt Message

“Hi there, I’ve been wanting to reach out to you for some time now.

I’ve been hesitant because I’m the daughter of a cop. A cop, who has tried to keep me and my sister sheltered from the horrors he has seen and hide how it effects him.

My dad has been in law enforcement for nearly 30 years and I believe he is getting ready to retire. In his career he has seen and done it all. Many things I’m sure I don’t even know about.

He will retire as a Capitan and has spent most of his career in detectives and narcotics. Making rotations through patrol when moral needed the boost. He’s my dad so I’m biased but he really is one of the best at what he does.

Recently, I moved back home while building a house and was around to see just how much my dad has been effected. I knew something was off as my dad and I had always been very close but he had become more and more distant over the last 10 years (I thought it was because he didn’t like me getting married).

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While staying at mom and dad’s I noticed my dad’s anxiety getting worse and eventually leading to many episodes that mimicked a heart attack and even stroke. I work in healthcare as a CT/x-ray tech in a hospital… So when I became privy to this information and eventually witnessed my dad having one of these episodes (and nearly starting CPR on him), I knew it was time to force my involvement.

My dad felt weak and embarrassed. Eventually he let me take him to Dr appointments and I had to take him to the ER once (against his will…he wouldn’t let me call 911). Going to doctors and the ER (where I work and he knows many people) did not help.

He was not having a heart attack or stroke but has atrial fibrillation. Doctors tell us that while it could lead to stroke it’s relatively benign if he is on anticoagulants. They nearly cardioverted him several times but he would go back into a normal rhythm on his own in the nick of time.

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So basically, he feels like he’s going to die and he has doctors telling him it’s just anxiety and PTSD… I’m sure you can imagine what this does to my dad’s psyche. We ask the doctors if he can get over AFib with lowering stress levels and they’ve all told him he will live with it the rest of his life. Also, not easy to take.

My dad is everyone’s hero. He really is an exceptional man. It’s so difficult seeing a strong man feel weak even though we know he’s anything but.

I am my “father’s daughter” and like him in so many ways. I’m pretty sure I can read his mind and he doesn’t get as much past me as he thinks. My mom and I have spent many hours researching and trying to find my dad help in a way he will accept.

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He enjoys fishing and finally got his dream boat. That seemed to be a little helpful for a while but I knew he needed more.

He had done some EMDR therapy and that helped slightly but it was started too late. Recently we found out about a place in Denver CO. Called “New Hope for the Brain“. They have been doing amazing work with NFL players with concussions and have successfully brought 40 out of 44 patients out of comas in a trial.

My uncle (one of dad’s brothers) went for treatment after an MVC he was not recovering from and they were able to resolve ALL his symptoms. After much research and talking on the phone with the doctors at New Hope, my dad agreed to go and try the treatment. I can’t even begin to tell you how in depth and thorough their program is.

I was amazed and so impressed with my dad’s treatment. Unfortunately, they found substantial damage in my dad’s brain and other parts of his body. Both from emotional trauma and physical trauma. They were amazed he was able to function as well as he does. Good news is they made tons of progress and my dad is working towards recovering. His AFib episodes are less frequent and he has the tools to help himself now.

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While he was in Colorado Dr. Montgomery asked how she can get more involved with the law enforcement community (they’re also helping veterans). Like you have mentioned in many articles, cops are afraid to speak up for different reasons and ask for help.

I truly feel like we need to change the culture around cops and critical incidence stress management. I know it’s muddy water and an uphill battle but it seems as though you are passionate about this and I truly believe doctor Montgomery and her partner at New Hope for the Brain can help.

I too am more than happy to help in any way I can. I am a member of the Critical Incident Stress Management Team at the hospital and know the police Chaplins well. I’m sorry about this long message and I hope I didn’t give you too much unnecessary information. I’m pretty proud of my dad and all our police officers. I want to help and I will always back the blue. It’s going to be a big life change when my dad retires as he’s been a cop for most of my life. Being a law enforcement family is truly a different family. My dad is a cop for a living but it is a life style for us all. It’s more than a job.”

The post Heartfelt Message From a Police Officer’s Daughter appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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The Incident

New Orleans, LA – Shocking comments from potential 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren unveiled the “hard truth about the criminal justice system” in America, saying it’s “racist.. Front to Back.”

Elizabeth Warren addressed a crowd at Dillard University in New Orleans on August 3, 2018, inciting a small riot because of her comments after the presentation. The audience, made up predominantly of criminal justice undergrads at the university, began throwing chairs and ripping up their notebooks. Warren ironically asked for protection from campus police who complied but also placed her under arrest for inciting the riot.

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Warren declined to comment on her arrest, but doubled down on her claims about racism seemingly unaware that all shades of people put on the blue uniform.

The arresting officer noted Elizabeth Warren’s overwhelming hostility even compared to that of the rioters.

The Backlash

“I’m baffled by the hypocrisy of the statement,” said a undisclosed staffer close to Warren. “How could you be hard on racism and make such an ignorant and discriminate statement about the people who risk their lives everyday to keep the peace?”

A member of the Dillard Campus Police Department commented on the irony of her situation as well.  She’s lambasting the police while needing our help.  “It’s becoming all too familiar. People criticize us, then they need our help.  If you want to talk about moral fiber, think about the strength it takes to help someone who is out to get you!”

Police leaders from Massachusetts are also making their voices heard.

“I have a lot of respect for those who serve in elected positions even though we may disagree at times, however statements like this are disrespectful and divisive,” said Chief Frank G. Fredrerickson of the Yarmouth Police Department.

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“Labeling the entire criminal justice profession as “racist” spreads false and damaging information about our members,” wrote Chief Steven J. Wojnar, President of the Massachusetts Chiefs of Police Association, in a heartfelt letter to Elizabeth Warren.

Elizabeth Warren, You Have The Right To Remain Silent

Warren has since attempted to clarify her statement.

“I spoke about an entire system — not individuals — and will continue to work on reforms to make the criminal justice system fairer.”

Warren seems intent on rebuilding the bridge she burned.  Her press secretary announced yesterday that Elizabeth Warren’s office will be creating an honorary lip sync video to “I’m Blue” by Eiffel 65 and invites both the Yarmouth Police Department and Chief Wojnar to join.

Eiffel 65 - I'm Blue (Official Video) - YouTube

Video of Elizabeth Warren’s arrest have not yet been released, but The Salty Sarge managed to obtain a transcript of the arrest:

Arresting Officer: “Ms. Warren, you’ve incited this riot so I’m placing you under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.”

Warren: “What are you talking about? Is this because I said you and everyone you work with is racist?”

Arresting Officer: “Like I said, Ms. Warren, ‘you have the right to remain silent.’ I highly recommend you exercise that right.”

One thing is certain Elizabeth Warren… You definitely have the right to remain silent.

The post Elizabeth Warren Arrested After Criminal Justice Comments appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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Shots fired!

United Press of America – In the latest fad to sweep the internet, Lip Syncing Lothario’s in blue have captured the attention of America!

It all started innocently enough a few weeks ago from a simple video depicting a couple of cops lip syncing while sitting in their patrol car.

That video soon went viral.

And it didn’t end there.

Like the grand opening of a new Krispy Kreme Doughnut shop, cops were lined up around the proverbial You Tube block to get their 5 seconds of fame.

These videos, from the simple point and shoot (no use of force pun intended), to the highly choreographed group ensembles, were quickly gaining momentum.

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Just when it seemed like we had finally eradicated cat videos, this new and disturbing phenomenon has appeared to fill that void.

From stay at home moms to silver-haired grandma’s, it would appear that these cute videos would sway the general opinion and humanize cops across the country.


A new poll tells a different story.

Prior to the videos spamming everyone’s news feed, cops had a 64% approval rate with Americans.

That approval rating has now dropped below 50% for the first time in almost 4 years.

When asked why, some of the answers were painfully honest.

Like “don’t they have anything better to do?” Or “If my taxes are being used in this way, I want them to actually sing the damn songs!”

Some complained that not enough country songs are being lip synced. Others asked why trap music hasn’t been lip synced yet?

To make matters worse, police and sheriff agencies are now laying down the gauntlet by challenging other departments to beat them in a lip syncing smack down.

Cop Eats Own Foot

Some viewers, to include veteran officers, are experiencing mental health issues from the videos as some departments are now having their Police Chiefs join in.

Although fads come and go, the internet has a way of policing itself of cringe worthy content.

There is one thing we can all be grateful for and that is this;

Officers have yet to introduce “air guitar” in any of the performances so far.

Oh god, the horror, the horror…

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.

The post Gallop Poll Reveals Citizens Still Hate Cops Despite Lip Sync Videos appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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If you can’t beat em’…

Washington, D.C. – In a shocking revelation, reports are flooding in that the former first lady and runner-up finisher in the 2016 presidential election is secretly training to become a police officer.

Let me repeat.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, AKA ‘the Dark Sith’ and confirmed ‘shape-shifter’, is trying to become the thing that she so ruthlessly opposed in her bid to be the first woman president.

“I can deal with the ridicule, name calling and even the occasional beatings from her,” said one of her Secret Service Agents who refused to give his name.

“But I will not idly stand by and watch her make a mockery of the profession that so many have given their lives for,” he continued.

The Agent, holding back tears, went on to reveal that Hillary has hired a personal trainer and nutritionist in her effort to pass the physical requirements of a police academy.

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Some conspiracy theorists have speculated that they have proof that Hillary actually competed in this years Crossfit Games, Masters Division, under the pseudonym “Darth Grand Maul”.

We have learned that she has also made inquiries to several agencies to wave the age requirements for new police recruits.

Her exact age is unknown but rumors have circulated for years that she is over 300 years old and that she may or may not be a vampire.

Although a Harvard educated lawyer, Hillary has also been observed studying case-law relating to police procedure deep into the night in preparation for the police academy.

“We thought she was joking when she first presented the idea of becoming a cop,” said another Secret Service Agent assigned to her protection detail.

“But we quickly remembered that she has no sense of humor.”

The burning question that begs to be answered is why?

Why would someone, who not even two years ago, publicly proclaimed in a live presidential debate, systemic racism running rampant in every police agency in our country.

As if that were not enough, she openly invited many of the family members of individuals shot and killed by police to many of her rallies.

Even though every single one of these shootings was ruled justified by jury members of varying races.

Some political analyst are saying that this latest tactic by the former Senator is a calculated move to restore her damaged reputation with conservatives.

“The one thing we know for sure, even more than her hatred of police, is Hillary’s hatred of losing,” said one highly respected analyst.

We asked the Agent if he could elaborate on Bill’s opinion or thoughts on Hillary becoming a cop.

The Agent leaned in, cupping his hand around the ear of our investigative reporter and said, “He’s all for it, as long as she gets assigned to nights”…

Mrs. Clinton refused to be interviewed for this story.

You can find other SATIRE articles like this one and more at The Salty Sarge Facebook Page.

The post Hillary Secretly Training To Become Police Officer appeared first on The Salty Sarge.

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