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A quiet and apparently squeaky clean company accountant has accidentally provided colleagues with an insight into his murky private life after leaving his filthy mug in the communal kitchen.

Swansea Housing Association finance worker Pete Bowen, 47, has become the subject of much speculation at his workplace where he’d built a reputation as a no nonsense numbers man.

Colleague Theresa Connell said: “I’ve worked with Pete for six years and have always held him in high regard as a principled, methodical worker.

“When I saw the mug, which looked like it had grown its own life forms, the last person I thought would be responsible was honest, clean Pete.

“Now I think he defecates on his wife for pleasure.”

Housing Officer Rob Gray said: “Pete carries himself well considering he has a mug that would you give you a terminal illness if you drank from it.

“To think I took such great advice from him last year over consolidating my personal finances. I feel so dirty and used. That calculator he used could’ve been in crevices.”

Bowen said: “I admit that I’ve been a bit lazy with my work mug but between my family, my work and my extensive volunteering it just slipped my mind.

“I feel like I’ve lost the respect of everyone and that makes me sad to the point where I’m barely aroused anymore when I sniff the seats in the ladies toilets.”

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A leaked email has revealed that the Mayals Road closure is actually a pilot scheme to stop people from West Cross using the plush area as a through road to their council looking houses.

The leaked exchange alludes to Mayals residents’ disdain at having to share a road with people whose ‘houses are in excess of £200k cheaper than ours’.

Mayals resident Pete Bowen said: “I’m not ashamed that this has been leaked.

“My wealthy parents left me this large home from the money they made out of overcharging rent on ex-Council houses in West Cross that they picked up for next to nothing.

“Free market on our side. Morrison’s market street on theirs. Those markets just should not meet in day to day life.”

Theresa Connell of Owls Lodge Lane said: “The pilot will measure the impact of the closure and then an access only pilot stage will begin for people who don’t drive Corsas or Fiestas, with or without a ‘Zetec’ badge.

“I’m OK where I am. But there’s some people who look out of their bedroom windows who have to endure a view of houses with a corrugated metal cover. And not the Grand Designs type either.

“I noticed on snooty neighbourhood social networking site ‘Nextdoor’ the other day that someone was reprimanded on Mayals Green wearing grey tracksuit bottoms and black trainers. What becomes of my property value if this were to catch on?”

West Cross resident Rob Gray said: “People think it’s easy living down here. The reality is that we’re not accepted by the SA3 community because our houses are often council or ex-council.

“We’re also not accepted by the council and ex-council house community because we live in SA3.

“As disappointing as all of this is, the children of Mayals residents spend loads on the poor quality drugs we sell and think we’re really hard when actually we’d fall apart in Penlan.”

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Swansea City’s manager Graham Potter has surprisingly decided to take a better job at a Premier League club who won’t pull the rug from under his feet to save a few quid, the prick.

Potter guided the Swans to 10th in the Championship this season, which in perspective was 11 places lower than the club’s position when Bob Bradley was sacked.

Club spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “Graham’s done a great job for the club since he’s been here and in very difficult circumstances.

“There were options for the club to provide some reassurances for him to stay and perhaps help him to push for promotion next year. But two million quid is two million quid, it makes commercial sense.

“With Graham gone we can offload a few of our better quality players now too. Watch us turn that £2m in £10m when we get rid of Dan James.

“Who needs the hassle of promotion? This is Harvard Business School stuff.”

City fan Theresa Connell said: “I just don’t understand why a good coach would want to leave a club who have no plans to invest in him?

“I’d have thought the mood within the club would’ve been quite buoyant at the moment. The owners even gave all the staff personalised letters not so long ago.

“What a traitor.”

Club spokesperson Bowen added: “Anyone got a different number for Alan Curtis? His mobiles off.”

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A fridge which has been left outside a property on Mansel Street owes £2,000 in unpaid council tax, Swansea Council have confirmed.

The fridge, which a rival news outlet have branded ‘part of the furniture of Mansel Street’ may have blended in to its surroundings, but still has responsibilities towards contributing towards the budgets of vital services.

Revenues Section spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “We’re pleased an article was run about this rogue who is clearly one of those fridges who thinks local authorities pay for social care with half a box of Birds Eye Potato Waffles.

“I hope it likes letters in brown envelopes being slipped inside its salad compartment because it’s going to have letters in brown envelopes slipped inside its salad compartment.

“That’s actually a fun saying that we have in the department.”

Fridge Pete Bowen said: “I’m disappointed that the article points out that at least one woman is fed up of the site of me.

“It ain’t easy being freezy.”

Bowen continued: “The Council have me on some technicalities though. You have to be 18 to pay council tax and while I was only bought 6 years ago, I’m actually 25 in fridge years.

“I’m also on private land. I have friends who live on the front gardens of council houses who get off scot-free, but because I’m making a go of things on my own I’m being punished.

“I bet those Beko fridges just come over here and get it all for free though.”

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Benidorm has responded to a quote from a Swansea Councillor by wondering what the f**k is wrong with Benidorm.

Benidorm tourism spokesperson, Pedro Bowen, made the comments after city councillor Robert Francis-Davies suggested that ‘nobody would want to see a Benidorm-type development’ on the Swansea Bay seafront.

Senor Bowen said: “Erm, why are you dragging us into this in such a negative light? Oh you wish West Cross looked as good as we do.

“Millions of people come to us every year, about three times more than you, and we have about a third of the population. Have you seen our resorts? They’re a tad more upmarket than your rooms by the hour.

“Nice f**king lido by the way. Loving the Guantanamo Bay fencing you have around it again this year. It’s really welcoming.”

Senor Bowen continued: “Apologies, maybe I’m being harsh. Our top of the range water park with marine animal centre has nothing on your stinking lido. You can park for free there too.

“Loads of lovely free parking. Not that parking is a major whinging point for you lot or anything. Right?”

Mumbles resident Theresa Connell said: “I can’t believe that ten high rise hotel blocks are being built in the next month. It’s happening because Facebook said it was.

“This is really going to hurt my unique business idea of charging a grand a week to rent out my tiny fisherman’s cottage on AirBnb.”

Senor Bowen added: “Enjoy your summer of two weeks of 20 degree weather you ignorant bastards. See you on Playa de Levante in August. Is it?”

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People with an axe to grind or who just enjoy to respond to headlines which don’t paint a full picture, are making out that the council are selling land on the seafront to Donald Trump so that he can build a giant wall to block out the view.

The responses have been made following a prior information notice request from the council, seeking feedback on an idea they’ve had to help retain income lost from the massively successful Tory austerity programme; income which is generally used to pay for things like care for vulnerable people.

Mayals resident Pete Bowen said: “I saw the headline. I interpreted it as the council handing our land over to porn producers who like to build big tower blocks, so I don’t need to read the actual facts or council produced FAQs.

“I expect my council to ask for feedback through official channels before they ‘probably’ build a McDonald’s which will be visible from Devon so they can earn a few quid paying for nonsense like ‘social care’. Social care? What a yawn fest.

“This ‘consultation’ which is for information only from residents does none of this.”

Uplands resident Theresa Connell said: “All the revenue we earn from tourism in Mumbles occurs in the seconds of view people have as they drive through West Cross on their way in.

“What if they put an ice cream stall there outside of sunset and sunrise times? It’d completely spoil the view and we’d lose millions.

“I think a small and tasteful activity park would be nice, but I have no ability to suggest this at all in this open to public consultation. So I’m just going to post angry comments for likes on the Swansea Online Facebook article.”

Council spokesperson Rob Gray said: “We have an ageing population who need care, we’re trying to house families and invest in education. But the Tory Government have cut everything.

“We thought we’d look at some suggestions from the public because apparently all of our ideas are terrible. But it turns out asking the public was a terrible idea too.

“You can literally say “don’t do anything” or give us a unique and tasteful idea to help to stop us raising council tax, which no one likes either.”

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An abusive man who regularly visits A&E with minor ailments is to join in with celebrations for International Nurses’ Day today by ‘not punching the nursing staff so hard’.

46 year old Pete Bowen from Brynhyfryd will make his 26th pointless trip of the year to A&E later this morning because he belligerently and drunkenly believes that his tickly throat is a terminal illness.

Bowen said: “I think the nurses having a special day is good, even if they do keep me waiting for 6 hours every time I come here because of ‘staff shortages’ and ‘poor budgets’.

“That being said I’m paying their wages, or I would be if I paid tax, so if I turn up steaming drunk on a Sunday morning with a diagnosis I’ve found on Google and I’m cast to one side, then I will get punchy. It is my right to do so.”

Bowen continued: “I will continue to sit in the waiting room tutting and I will continue to harass staff when young and elderly people with ‘serious’ conditions are seen before me.

“But I will ease up when I swing at the nurses today, because some people are time wasters and that’s probably mildly annoying for the staff.”

A&E nurse Theresa Connell said: “I’m missing my child’s birthday today to do a 12 hour shift where I’ll be abused and bled on.

“This is what we do though. And for a real time wage cut of around 12%. I’m looking forward to a day of recognition though and that celebratory cupcake that I won’t have time to eat because we care and we’re f**king awesome.”

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The Duke and Duchess of Sussex welcomed a baby boy into the world yesterday, but they weren’t the only ones.

While the city was glued to media all weekend, desperately awaiting news of the arrival of another royal, women continued to turn up at the city’s Singleton Hospital to give birth to their own little prince or princess.

We caught up with some new parents to find out if their own little bundle of joy shared any common ground with the 7th in line to the throne.

New Mum Theresa Connell from Gendros said: “It doesn’t matter that they live in a big castle or whatever. We’re all people at the end of the day.

“The thing I think I have most in common is that I nearly had a home birth like Meghan did. It was slightly different though because I had no idea I was pregnant and was on the bog thinking I was constipated!

“It’d be a funny story but it’s the second time it’s happened now and my husband is tamping.”

West Cross Mum Cheryl Gray said: “There’s a crowd of people outside Meghan’s hospital waiting for important news which I suppose is a bit similar to the crowd of men from the Linden Tree who’ll be waiting for the DNA results.

“There’s another link because one of the potential Dads is a ginger. Although unlike Meghan I’m not so keen to broadcast that.”

Dad to a newly born son Pete Bowen from Landore said: “I addressed a crowd of people yesterday with the same pride and enthusiasm as Harry.

“It was a little more awkward for me because the crowd I addressed was my ‘real’ family and my new sons mother is a bird I met from Llanelli on a stag do in Tenby last August.

“We’re going to call him Folly because I impregnated her in Folly Farm. It’s quite a quirky name which I’m sure is on the Sussex’s list.”

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Cardiff City have been narrowly relegated yet again and for no other reason than a handful of decisions going against them.

The club, relegated after only being in the Premier League for one season for the second time, also had every referee conspiring against them, the theft of any atmosphere among fans and a weird gammon manager.

Liverpool, but occasional Cardiff supporter Pete Bowen from Splott said: “It’s an absolute travesty that I’ve lost out on watching Liverpool in my home club stadium again.

“If we hadn’t let those five in at home to Watford we’d have won one nil. Or if we hadn’t played so terribly against already relegated Fulham and had a few shots on target we could’ve scored some more than them.

“Frustratingly close and everyone else’s fault.”

Theresa Connell from Roath said: “It’s sad really because I won’t support them now unless they come back up again. I’ll go back to following Man City I expect.

“Neil Warnock did a fantastic job at imitating a petulant teenager this season, fair play. None of this is down to us not being good enough for this league from top to bottom though. It’s obviously because everyone’s against us; why else would he act like such a cock?

“The other week Nathan Blake said we could be as big as Newcastle so that’s good. He should know as well because he did well for us in the third division.”

Cardiff based reporter Rob Gray said: “I’m neutral of course and report with equal enthusiasm on all Welsh clubs. But this year Cardiff played some outstanding, fantasy football stuff.

“Man United have recently been modelling themselves on Cardiff by not managing many shots on target in their games. That’s a huge compliment to us.

“We can look back at this Cardiff team as the greatest Welsh Premier League side, just pipping Cardiff’s brave and cultured 2013/14 squad.”

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A woman who posted “wot times Tesco open on bank holidays monday guys please share xxxx” on Facebook was abruptly told to use a well known search engine.

27 year old Theresa Connell from the Waun Wen area of the city said that she had a feeling Bank Holiday opening hours were different and ‘literally’ just wanted to check with friends what the state of play was.

Theresa said: “Oh my God like. I’m not working on Monday because of the banks holidays and because I’ll be hanging out of arse with a hangover I wanted to know if I’d be able to buy three bags of picked onion Monster Munch from Tescos or not.

“Like, I’m not working so Tescos might not be working either. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to get some clarity on this and for me to be able to enjoy having loads of Facebook notifications when people reply and share.

“My post had only been up three minutes when one of my friends, who’s blocked now, told me to just Google it. Rude.”

Unreasonable friend Pete Bowen said: “She’s always posting ridiculous stuff that you can just find out via Google. Does the LC2 have a swimming pool? Is there parking at the beach? Do I need an appointment to go to the GUM clinic?

“I should’ve deleted her ages ago but she’s got some great bikini pics from when she went to Magaluf in 2016 which I like to check in on sometimes when I’m bored and alone.

“In the time she typed her post she could’ve found it all out on Google. She also added one of those really bright backgrounds to the post so she probably could’ve found it twice.

“Asking for it to be shared just tipped me over the edge.”

Theresa added: “Are there any buses running guys?”

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