I am a guy that likes to wear and feels comfortable in ladies clothes. I’ve had a few years being totally in the closet with my dressing, it was difficult getting my dress on in there so I eventually got out and ended up in the bedroom for a while and also found out how liberating it was to walk on a carpet in heels.
It was excruciating. The pain burned all the way up my rib cage to my shoulder. Even liquid morphine was struggling to keep it at bay. It was dark and around 3 in the morning. The nurse was really good but there wasn’t much else she could do for me..her soft voice was reassuring and strangely helped.
It all started last November, I knew something was wrong so kept going back to my GP. After lots of tests she said that nothing big was wrong with me and not to worry. I eventually got seen at the hospital and they told me I had Cancer…….stage 4 Bowel Cancer and that I am incurable.
Bit of a shock.
It’s taken a while to take it all in.
My Mum died of cancer but she smoked like a train all her life. I keep myself fit and busy, I don’t smoke. I drink on a weekend but not to excess. It couldn’t happen to me. I have too much to do, so much left to accomplish……but it has.
I don’t intend to go without a fight though. There is a possibility that the oncologist will be able to hold it back for a while and I can enjoy my family and friends for as long as possible. The next few months are going to be difficult. The chemotherapy will not be kind but hopefully in the long run It will help.
I had surgery before my chemotherapy.
The surgery went well but getting over it is going to take longer than I thought. I am off the pain relief pills now.
I have just gone through my first cycle of cheotherapy. The side effects are many and there is a posibility I could react so badly that it could kill me. The hospital has put a few safegaurds in place, just in case.
I felt pretty rough halfway through. It didn’t help that I got an infection (one of the side effects is a lowered imune system). I am now on antibiotics and feeling better, thankfully.
In a strange way I look forward to the treatment. I feel more positive about it all now. We all have to meet our maker at some point. I am looking forward to life. I am going to enjoy that life how Iwant and I am going to make plans for the future.
It’s been a good and bad summer here at Sox Cottage. The weather has been very good. We managed a couple of days at Sparkle Manchester. We didn’t stay out too late in the evenings but we enjoyed the atmosphere. I meet up with Cat and we had a catch up. I haven’t seen her since her operation and she was looking radiant. We also met up with Gina, Alison and Julie, we chatted with them for a while over a drink.
Our holiday took in Brighton pride. The week leading up to it was hot enough but on the day of the parade it was very hot. There were so many floats in the parade that because of the sun and heat we were unable to watch them all go by. We had to go and get a drink and cool off in one of the many bars in the city. Cider on a boiling hot day really hits the spot. We stayed in Brighton for a few days after the pride weekend. It was a time for us to relax in the shade and watch the world go by. It also gave me a chance to get glammed up for the best part of a week and wear all my favourite dresses. Something that my health problems have prevented me from doing. Which is the bad part of the summer. I intend to write a blog specific to my diagnosis but I am still not ready to do it quite yet.
We have had a bumper crop of tomatoes and potatoes. I have planted way too much lettuce, I know for next year that we only need to sow about half the seeds I did last year. The carrots and beetroot have taken a while but are coming along nicely. Mrs Sox makes an excellent Tomato soup and is being very creative with the potatoes!
Our stream is still not running yet, I assume when it does start to flow it will bring a lot of twigs and leaves with it so we will have to watch out to make sure we don’t get a blockage.
Back in the long ago it was said that water came from the skies and the ravine at the side of the house had flowing water, creatures swam in the water and people ate them. Water is a costly commodity now and people pray for water to return.
There is a prophecy that one day when God’s blood stains the moon red the water will return and the land will turn green……………..
So it is at Sox Cottage our little stream has run dry. The grass is yellow and our pond has had to be topped up numerous times. The sky has been blue for what seems like months but just as a lunar treat is about to amaze with a red glow in the sky the clouds come in and turn the sky grey and we have torrential rain. At least it will do the garden good.
Despite the dry weather our produce is doing well. The tomatoes are coming along nicely and we are about to harvest our first potatoes of the year.
Mrs Sox and I had a nice time at sparkle. We caught up with a few people we hadn’t seen for a while and had a relaxing time. I think the days of staying out till the sun comes up are behind me. I am more of an early riser these days. At least I still see the sun come up but only after a good nights sleep.
We are looking forward to a trip to Brighton Pride and to dip our toes in the sea. I always like to wonder around the shops in Brighton. One of our favourite clothes retailers (Collectif) has a shop in the centre so it will be a chance to visit rather than just buy online.
………and so the prophecy came true. The land did become green and the people rejoiced, but after a while wondered if they would ever see the sun again.
Is it safe to come out yet. Have all the nasty people gone away. Trump, May, Brexit and all their horrid friends still being Homophobic, racist, self centred, egotistical and selling their countries down the road so their rich friends can get richer?
I thought so. I am going to go back to my world were everyone is equal, a place that I can wear what I want without hearing ‘Its a tranny’. A place where flowers grow with the seasons and are pollinated by bees and insects. Where there are vegetables grown from plants that the seeds can be harvested again and again and where the birds squabble over the food on the feeder and Mrs Sox’s cakes are consumed with tea in the afternoons.
This apparently is my 101st post on this little part of the tinternet. I was going to do a segment on my greatest posts and have a bloopers bit at the end. I was going to get Ant and Dec to host the show but unfortunately one of them is not contactable. So instead I will sing to myself……..
Happy 101st post to me
happy 101st post to me
happy 101st post dear meeeeyeee
Also in celebration I will be in Manchester for the Sparkle weekend. (I may have already mentioned this in another post). I am looking forward to it. Most places I go don’t feel safe but at least at the Sparkle weekend I can relax a bit.
Well, its been a while. I do appologise to the few that follow me. I have been busy with boring stuff and trying to sort out my health problems. With some things the doctors have no clue. No pills and potions from big pharma make any difference but fortunately, slowly, things are improving on their own.
Sox cottage is slowly coming along although the kitchen is proving to be a pain. A well known DIY chain was drafted in to do everything unfortunately the execution of the fit was a lot less than desirable. Negotiations are ongoing so I wont reveal the company. The thing is I am now putting things right even after their botched attempts at sorting it.
I havent been out much, a lack of confidence in my bodily functions and not liking to use public toilets does not make a fun time out but the last few weeks the weather has been fab so obviously I got myself into a summer dress and went out and about. Its incredible to me that within 4 weeks of being literally snowed in we were having a cream tea and tucking into Mrs Sox’s scones in the garden. British weather always keeps you on your toes.
The garden has potatoes, carrots, lettuce, rhubarb & beetroot and I am trying the ‘three sisters’ method of growng maize, beans and squash. The polly tunnel has similar crops but with the addition of 2 varieties of tomatoes.
The plan this year is to get ourselves to Brighton Pride and do Sparkle this year. The hotel is booked for Pride and I am looking at hotels for Sparkle later. If you see me and Mrs Sox promenading along Brighton pier or on Canal street please do say hello.
I’m not sure when it started to happen, the first foot on the slippery slope to being an adult. Maybe it was the training shoes specifically for gardening.
I used to be a rebel. I had fast loud motorbikes, I play a mean blues riff or two on the guitar (even though I do say so myself). I am edgy, I tell people straight how things are, I wear short dresses and heels……….
I am now not just gardening, I am growing my own vegetables and will start bee keeping next year. I am looking at comfortable shoes and a quiet holiday……relaxing?????
But the biggest thing that has made me feel my age is health issues. Going to the local doctor’s surgery and being told I am being referred to a specialist because after all the tests they haven’t got a clue what might be causing my problem.
I suppose some people would pay good money for what happened with my initial visit to the doctor. I was asked if I didn’t mind seeing a student doctor that would be overseen by an experienced doctor. I don’t mind things like that, people have to start somewhere. So I explain my symptoms to the young slim pretty blonde girl. She types all my answers into the computer then says that she will ask the qualified doctor to talk to me.
The qualified doctor comes in. An older lady about my age, but still good looking and blonde. She could be the young student’s mother.
As a male, doctors and health people seem fascinated by a man of my age’s prostate and given my problem the doctor wanted to examine it.
So the scene is set, two very nice looking girls looking at my lilly-white butt, the older one with her finger up my arse saying it’s nice and smooth (she meant my prostate).
I have not felt much like putting on a frock recently. A cold house and my back door problem have made me a little down. But light is at the end of the tunnel, new heating system and a log burner will be installed by the end of the week, and maybe the specialist will have an idea of how to sort me out.