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The sirens are constant. The turnover is constant. Some just someone getting hurt and others are death.

Plus there are the ones moving out (usually against their will) because the family decides they can’t live on their own any longer.

I am still struggling with the alone part. I am waiting on my therapist to come back from a family emergency. They say she is here today. I am trying to get her to do Face Time as my leg can barely hold me up again and I am not able to climb their stairs and since the building is ancient there is no elevator, plus I need to go to the Office on Aging and get help applying for help with my electric bill. They have help for low income families. I have to get it done as soon as possible. I had to wait for the first electric bill. I i did get the cooling grant filled out. The website says I am too late and their office says there was an extension to the end of May and mailed me an application and I had the dr fill it out. I will be glad when all is set up.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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I am shy and quiet and tend to prefer being with people like me. I made one of my first friends (actually exchanged phone numbers and everything). Things started to change when I didn’t come to bingo every night they hold it. I am sorry I have a life, family, dr appointments etc. She is pulling away and that is fine. I prefer the other group I recently met and they are taking me under their wings.

I found myself drifting to the wilder ones and I am so much more happier with them. And tonight the quiet one started some kind of trouble with one of my new friends. Now I don’t know the whole story, but she said something obviously nasty to my newer friend. She did tell her that you don’t treat people that way. Wish I knew exactly what happened.

I have won some of the bingo games. One tonight he said he would add an extra dollar (we play small) if someone got the 4 corners in the first 4 calls. Just then I yelled “Bingo!” The first one to ever do that since they have been playing.

Still have a ton of stuff to put away. Daughter helped again plus my son-in-law put in a new brake light and my brakes are all new. Hopefully no more car maintenance until I can save some more up to pay for it. I have a very tight budget. Got my first electric bill.

I am in pain today. More so than usual and now I have a ton more boxes down so I can go through them. I have to get rid of this stuff.

The last couple of days have been cool and rainy and stormy. Tomorrow is supposed to be hot so will be turning the air back on. Being on the 6th floor might be great in the winter, but tremendously hot in the summer and we pay our own air conditioner whereas they pay the heat and hot water.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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The only thing saving me right now is that I had saved money for the move and things I needed for the apartment. My kids had convinced me to get rid of my household goods after I had been living with Dad for so long. Now I need that stuff. Things might be cheaper at Walmart and the dollar stores, but having my old stuff would have been cheaper yet.

So between the accident 4 weeks ago which was $500 and the new brakes, calipers and drums another $450 just went down the drain. My cushion is almost gone.

Don’t think I mentioned it, but my son’s car is probably totaled. A girl claiming to have only been going 30 MPH hit his heavy car and shoved it 15 feet and up onto the curb. He was in the house. The neighbors came and got him. He wanted a new car, but this was not the way to do it. They will probably total it. The rear axle is broken and the tire is flat and who knows what else. Probably won’t get enough to buy a new car or at least one that is in decent shape and not need constant repairs where this one was finally getting to. What a mess!

It is raining today and has been for days now. Good thing is that I don’t need the air conditioner on right now, a fan on just me is working fine. Haven’t gotten the first electric bill yet.

I still have to set up my budget.This is going to be tight. Hope I can actually eat on what is left after bills. The bankruptcy gave me a new start, but there is still cell phone (and the hot spot runs my WiFi), auto insurance, renter’s insurance, health insurance in addition to Medicare and prescriptions and a ton of doctors. I just have to get well. I am trying to spread the doctor appointments out, but the epidurals for the spine pain are 2 visits per month. I might be able to scrape 1 more appointment in there per month. I now have another hospital copay, as well as the deposits for my electric with the first bill. Been learning how to set up a budget on Youtube. There are a few different ways. I know the envelope and cash way is preferred by many, but not my thing. I prefer to pay everything out of my bank card or automatic withdrawals. Rent I have to pay by check. For years I didn’t have to worry about it, unless it was a car repair.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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This has been quite an experience. It has been one month now.

Today I set off the alarms for emergencies such as falling etc. The guard (yes we have guards here) was pounding on the door. Scared the hell out of me but hey I know it works.

So far most of the time I get in a handicapped spot and don’t have to worry about the  placard since I got license plates instead. Some of the closer spots are not handicapped so sometimes it is better to park there. This is at the back door. My guests have to come in the front so I can use the intercom and buzz them in or else I have to go downstairs and let them in. They have to sign in anyhow might as well come in the front although that means they have to walk around to the front door. There are a few spots in the front side of the building, but they rather park out back so if they do they get to walk around. I have an intercom for a reason.

We have been getting a lot of rain and thunderstorms this week. I am on the 6th floor and can see the trees below me swaying in the wind. A unique experience.

I can’t remember if I mentioned the knee going out and the trip to the hospital since I couldn’t put weight on it. Stayed one night and then sent home with no one to help me. I was using a walker for when I had to get up and I had my family take the food and medications and put them down on the counter. The only thing they did for me was a referral for home care, but even though they were covered under my insurance it wasn’t for the services they wanted me to have. They couldn’t get that through their head. Thus I was on my own. Thank God I have hand rails in the bathroom. So far I had one shower. My leg isn’t strong enough to hold my weight to get in and out of the tub so back to basin washing.

I have put a lot of money into my car. The accident cost me $500 in repairs and now another $500 for new brakes and calipers before I have another accident. The brakes just catch and slam the car to a stop as if I slammed on the brakes. Very disconcerting and now I am waiting til Friday for the parts and repair. Only drive if absolutely necessary.

These unplanned expenses are coming out of my apartment fund for things I need. It is dwindling fast. I have to make a very tight budget and live by it and it doesn’t leave much for fun things. I will be lucky if I can get food all month. Since it is public housing my rent is 30% of my disability check so everyone is different. Though it is considered senior housing, they have disabled people like me who are younger. I think the cutoff is 50 for them and must be 62 for a senior. I am 61 1/2.

This apartment is a fair size, but Tessa the hoarder is having a hard time letting things go. I did a bunch before we moved and now I find I must get rid of more. And they do inspections here and can’t have a mess, Trash must go out every day to the trash chute in the hall. Recycles must go downstairs. Kind of annoying, but they are trying to avoid nasty little critters. Exterminator comes tomorrow.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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I am such a clutz. My knees have been acting weird and then one decides to pop out of place. Can’t put weight on it, have to struggle dragging a foot with the help of a woman and get in my car. Can’t drive. So now calling the family isn’t just a few minutes They are 30 minutes away and my dad gets lost so thankfully my son came with him to drive my car and find me using GPS.

I was at the library getting a membership and books on budgeting. Not my thing. I need help with that. Have to learn if I am going to make it with my own apartment.

So using my walker and the rollator (has wheels) and 1 footed hopping I am getting around. The only good thing the hospital did was send a referral to a home health care place to see if I qualify for home physical therapy. I told the hospital I was allergic to morphine and how the hospital had to intervene because of my reaction. Ten minutes late that idiot was giving me morphine. I could feel the side-effects starting and finally she turned it off. I was so pissed. It is the worst allergy I have. I also came out with a tremendous cold or allergies or something and it is getting worse. Nothing I have here helps. This hospital has a terrible reputation Wonder why? Hah!

Slowly moving in, but need help. My one daughter is great. I need her to find things especially now since I can’t climb my step stool or get around or lift.

I finally found some of my clothes.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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I use my iPhone’s hot spot and unlimited data to use my chromebook and computer. The problem is that not everything will run on it.  Very annoying.

Had men in here working. They remodeled the bathroom and left a very dirty tub bottom twice. I am in terrible pain now and have to get down and scrub at it to get the dirty off. They get in there with their dirty boots on to work. I had to call maintenance because my toilet keeps running and the shower if you put it on shower squirts all over the place. Wonder how long that will take. On Tuesday my daughter and son came over and installed the new energy saving air conditioner. It is large enough to cool the whole apartment. My dad bought it for me. I am so glad since the sixth floor is tremendously hot already. Supposed to go up to 90 degrees F today and tomorrow. I would roast and it aggravates my Asthma. So does the cat. My son was taking care of her when they put me in the room downstairs. We are getting reacquainted again.

I started painting class yesterday. No cost for this activity since the housing department pays for it, but the bingo game does have a small fee. $1.00 for 2 cards which is the lowest amount. As low as that is I might not be able to go every time. It is twice a week and they play several games.

I am slowly putting things away. The pain slows me down and need my oldest daughter to help me. She is responsible and knows how to run a house. I haven’t done that in almost 20 years now. Having my own whole bathroom and kitchen is nice. I still have to cut down on my stuff. What I did already wasn’t enough. Came from large house to one room with some storage in another room and small closet at my dad’s. I still have stuff at dad’s. Maybe one of these days I will get the rest here and this place set up. Hopefully no inspections right away.

I am getting tired. Nap time also almost dinner time. I ate lunch late though. I don’t know why I am getting more and more in pain. I worry about the possibility of having surgery. My external yeast infection is bad right now with all this sweating and trying to keep dry. It likes wet/damp places.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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7 Ways to Soothe a Fibromyalgia Rash

I have terrible rashes and they are many different ones. All of them are very uncomfortable and some really painful. The bad thing for me is that I can’t use creams for relief. They freak me out. I hate the feel of them. So I put up with them.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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Slowly but surely I am getting things into place. I can’t move fast obviously and must take it slow in order to avoid the intense pain as much as possible.

Of course things must go wrong at some point. It is not possible for perfection. When I first get out of bed which is a real painful chore it takes an hour or more of movement so that the pain starts to dissipate. I manage a box or so a day unless I am out getting something or going to the drs. I could use less dr appointments.

I did finally read all the paperwork. So much to read. I got yelled at for asking the manager what to make the rent check out to. He told me it is in the large envelope of papers I signed.

One of my closets is the cat’s. One end is plastic tubs and the middle and other end is cat food, catbox, cat litter and a claw scratcher toy. I have a pretty large walk in  closet in my bedroom.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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Well I am bushed! I am in bad shape and my kids and dad had to do all this work. I did what I could which wasn’t much.

My dad and kids feel much safer with me here. It is public housing, but a very nice place. It is a senior home mainly. It is a locked door with a guard except during the day Monday thru Friday from 8 AM to 5 PM.

The bad thing is that 4 people on the same floor died the other night. There is a lot of death in a senior place so is expected and something I will have to get used to. Sleep is often interrupted.

The funny bit about moving here is that it is that I can look out my window and see the duplex I used to live in 20 years ago. I am on the 6th floor and the view is pretty nice.

I don’t have cable or WIFI. I am using the hotspot on my cellular phone which is unlimited. Trying to figure out if I can hook the printer up too. It all has to be on the same network in order to work but this is  a hotspot on my phone and not actually a WIFI connection.

I am currently resting. I am sore and tired. Will have to do some more before bed especially make the bed.

My cat is sulking under the bed. She wants my son and her regular room. Not even coming out for treats.

The evening sun is coming in the windows. Could be worse with the morning sun in the windows. Like it this way better.

Somebody moving had a solid wood coffee table they gave us. I needed one and I don’t mind the scratches and such. All my furniture is that way LOL!

About 8 hours later and the cat has finally come out and investigated and ate her treats.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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Not physically, but my body feels like it for sure. And now can’t call to the next room to get help. Struggle or stay where I am. I am sure this feeling will eventually pass. During the move I lost my pain and arthritis pills which is not helping. I have found the pain pills, but without my arthritis meds my joints are screaming.

Thank heavens for the rolling cart. Easier on me than the cane, but easy to use on curbs and doors.

I haven’t seen the cat this morning yet and she didn’t sleep with me.

Dressed but didn’t brush my hair yet. It is among the missing still.

Didn’t sleep well. Something crashed around 2 AM and then I was starving. Thought I was having a blood sugar low, but it was 109 so no low, but I had to eat then. I had the shakes just like it.

Have to clean the cat box, but no scoop. Must find if packed or need to buy one and must get food. Have frozen food, but no microwave hooked up yet. This is what you get when they tell you to hurry up and wait.

Not sure if I mentioned the car accident. Cost me $500 of my saved apartment money and there is a problem with the brakes. Probably a result of the bang from the crash. More money needed. Oh joy!

I am on the 6th floor and it is hot as hell and not even over 53 degrees F.

I am supposed to go to my grandson’s ball game after my weekly brunch with best friend.

I can’t remember to turn things off. Gotta watch the electric bill.

I have to travel everywhere with my little old lady cart. Might need it.

Had bankruptcy court the same day as the accident and getting the apartment.

One good thing, no fighting with dad. I miss him but not the fighting all the time.

I Am tired but unable to sleep right.

Have to check my blood sugar and do a few things before leaving.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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