Hi, my name is Dr. Sophia Reed and welcome to my single mom blog. I of course am a single mother, a single woman over 30, and a Christian. I started this single mom blog for sophisticated moms for single mothers who want to put her best foot forward in everything she does, including her relationships, her career, her appearance, her parenting, and her relationship with God.
In this post I am going to be talking to you about soul ties and answering any and everything that you would possibly need to know about soul ties and why it is detrimental to you if you form a harmful one.
If the word soul tie is new to you or even if you have heard it before but you don’t really understand what it is, why in the world you should be concerned with it, and why you don’t want to create one at all cost; I want to ask you a few questions:
How many times have you slept with a man and afterward you were completely and utterly drawn to him? Even if he was a jerk and treated you like crap afterward you will felt like you “loved” him?
How many times after you slept with a man that you have just felt things going wrong in your life or that you have taken on the other person’s issues (mentally and emotionally) after having sex with them?
How many times after you have slept with a man that you find yourself doing things that you would not normally do or even behaving a way that you would not normally behave?
How many times after you have slept with a man that you felt immediately connected to him?
How many times after sleeping with a man have you developed behaviors such as lust (lusting after them long after the sex act is over) or becoming promiscuous with other men especially if you were not like that before?
What is Lust Of The Flesh? The Exact Differences Between Love & Lust - YouTube
If you can identify to any of the above statements, then you have been exposed to the negative consequences of a soul tie.
Soul Ties Meaning (in the spiritual sense)
I want to first define a soul tie as it pertains to spirituality. It is a spiritual and or emotional connection that you have with someone after you have had sex with them. Even though that sounds all wonderful it really isn’t. Because depending on who you have slept with and who you have soul ties with, this can actually be detrimental to your spiritual and emotional well being.
Even if you are not even into this whole spiritual stuff and you think that what I am saying is a bunch of hocus pocus and has no legitimate merit. Then I would tell you that you must not be a reader of my blog because I get into all this hocus pocus all the time AND I would tell you that the idea of soul ties can also be explained an actual scientific manner.
Soul Ties meaning in the scientific sense.
To explain the idea of a soul tie for people who are more scientific in nature, it is normal to feel a sense of attachment after having sex with someone you weren’t really that interested in. And that is because Oxytocin is released into the body during intercourse, a hormone which is linked to “positive social functioning and is associated with bonding, trust, and loyalty.” Thus causing you to feel attached to someone (Source).
That whole scientific explanation sounds a lot like a soul tie doesn’t it? So many non-Christians and even Christians seem to think that the Bible is outdated, but apparently God knew what he was talking about in the sense of soul ties because this is a perfect example of where science and God mix and they both say the same thing but just if different ways.
Soul Ties In The Bible
There are many people who will fight you on if soul ties is Biblical, and I happen to think it is. If you read the Bible and you are looking for the word “soul tie” then of course you are not going to find it. But remember the definition of soul tie and the Bible specifically mentions something very similar.
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 1 Corinthians 6:16
Now of course for you to understand the context of this Bible verse and how it relates to soul ties I am going to break it down for you. You may be saying that you do are not a prostitute so that this Bible verse does not apply to you. And you would be wrong.
When you think of a prostitute then you are thinking of someone who sleeps with a lot of people for money. And the Bible verse was saying that when you sleep with someone you become one flesh with them and when you sleep with someone such as a prostitute (who sleep with other people) you also become one flesh with all those people.
Which is why soul ties are so detrimental. When that person has slept with someone else that has also slept with 3 other people not only have they created soul ties with that other person but also the three other people they have slept with because those three people “became one flesh” when they slept with them and then you are sleeping with the same person. The result of is that when you do, you become one flesh with that person along with the other three people they became one flesh with. Which leads me into the next topic.
Why is sex outside of marriage so destructive? 5 Legitimate & Practical Reasons - YouTube
BUT when you create a soul tie as a Christian with someone you have to realize that you are sharing your soul with God.
But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:17
As a Christian this should not be news to you but, the whole idea of Christianity when Jesus died that the Holy Spirit was allowed to come and dwell within us. That does not just happen to everyone but of course when you become saved. Which means
” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” 1 Corinthians 6:13
Yes your body is meant to pursue the Lord’s purpose BUT NOT ALL sex is bad. God did create sex as that is how most of us got here, but notice he says sexual immorality and to explain what that is you can read my works of the flesh blog. But basically when you go around having sex with random people you are not married to then in God’s eyes you are committing sexual immorality. And the danger is that is:
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:18-19
BOOM and there it is. This means that when you accept the Holy Spirit you have already created a soul tie with God and when you invite soul ties through sexual sin, then you are inviting all their demons, issues, and whatever else into your body WITH the HOLY SPIRIT all of the sin and godliness mixing around. That is what God has problem with.
Yes he has it when you lie, steal, and all the other sins but when you sin against your own BODY the same BODY that God himself is in, that he died for this that really pisses him off.
When soul ties are dangerous and when they are not.
Not dangerous when you are married.
Soul ties are not dangerous when you are married to someone. Because sex in the context of marriage is not sin but sex outside of marriage is. And it’s not like God wants to ruin all of your fun:
Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4
Meaning that whatever sexual act you do within the marriage as long as you two are in agreement and no one is getting hurt, then God is like “Hey go for it, you are married, do whatever it is you want?” But it is the sex outside of marriage and adulterers that He will judge. Therefore you can almost bet that a soul tie will negatively affect you when you are using sex as a sin.
They are Dangerous when you are committing sex as a sin and who you have sex with
Remember that Bible verse when it talks about having sex with a prostitute and becoming one flesh with her. Having sex with prostitute means you will take on her traits. Take for example, Mary Magdalene a once prostitute was a woman that Jesus cast out seven demons:
And also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out. Luke 8:2
I bet Mary had gotten those demons from the soul ties that she created from other men she had slept with. And imagine if you were to sleep with someone like Mary then you would also take on those demons. The same can be said for sleeping with someone who is emotional abusive, who is a narcissists, someone else’s husband, manipulative, selfish, womanizer, and many of the other negative traits that people have. That can come into you when you have sex outside of marriage which is a sin and sin opens you and makes you vulnerable to taking on the harmful effects of soul ties.
Common Soul ties symptoms
Here are some of the common symptoms of soul ties they include but are not limited to:
Thinking about or longing after for an ex long after you have broken up with them especially if the thoughts are about sex.
Wanting and longing for a man that you really don’t like after you have had sex with them.
You take on the negative traits of the person that your soul is tied to and carry them with you, even if you did not have these traits before.
You have simultaneous experiences and/or “moods” as the person your soul is tied to.
The inability to stop sleeping with an ex or settling for a sex only relationship well after the relationship is over.
These relationships become toxic and prevent controlling, manipulative, abusive cycles of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Ungodly soul ties will influence you away from God and towards feeling of anxiety, depression, heartache, and loneliness; especially when you are separated from the person you are having a soul tie with.
You are less interested in spiritual matters or you have trouble hearing the voice of God.
Soul Ties Prayer & Spiritual Tips To Get Rid Of Soul Ties
Before I get into the soul tie prayers I would also encourage you to add on additional measures in conjunction with your prayer. In my “How I got Over Lust” blog I spoke about fasting, prayer, and reading the Bible helped me with this issue. That I, no doubt, got from a soul tie. In any case, say the prayer but also transform yourself spirituality to break a soul tie for good. Also, even though you may not want to you have to stop sinning in sex. If you don’t you are just inviting the soul ties to come back and they will get worse?
“When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.” Matthew 12: 43-45
First, you can check out some of my blog post on learning how to be celibate. I have been celibate for years and so yes it is possible.
On top of changing your behavior here is a prayer to get rid of the ones you have.
I am truly repentant of the sexual act I did leading to the creation of this soul tie. Not only do I ask you to forgive me of my sin but I also ask for your divine intervention to help me in breaking the soul tie as well as releasing the consequences that I have experienced through this soul tie. I know your Holy Spirit dwells in me and I call upon the power of the Holy Spirit to work in my life and in my body. Destroying any soul tie and leftover affects that I have in my body. I also pray, that I am released from any and all individuals that I have a soul tie with (known and unknown) and that from this day forward I am able to go forth as a new being in Christ without anything, anyone, or any soul ties holding me back. And God please help me have the self-control from falling back into sexual immorality and creating additional soul times that can harm me.
A scarcity mindset is something that many Christian people suffer from and it NEEDS to stop. If you want to walk around being poor, always in need, and always in an eternal state of struggle then know that is not something that you HAVE to do as a Christian. That is something that you are choosing to do as a Christian. And if you choose to stay in a scarcity mindset after reading this post, then that is on you. But you can’t say you didn’t know.
Aside from many Christian having a scarcity mindset themselves, they also get mad or angry at other Christians that are doing well and are making money and have the nerve to judge them and tell them that they are false prophets, are not from God, and are going to hell. The last time I checked only God Himself can make that call and he tells us not to judge each other but… yet and still. Anyway, that whole no Christian can have money is a false theology that I intend to fully break down to you so that it will now and forever always be broken down AND hopefully you will not shift into the mindset that God wants us all struggling on earth in being in need.
God is our father and if you are a parent, and your child comes and ask you for food why would you leave them starving and struggling when it is within your will to give your child food?
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:11
The above Bible verse should be enough to get you out of your scarcity mindset but I know that I will have to go above and beyond to let you know that you do not need to suffer in the name of Jesus, not prosper, and sit around being jealous of other Christians who are choosing to prosper. Also, don’t forget to watch my video below for more information, and click here to subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Biblical Proof That God Wants You To Be RICH & Prosper & How To Do It - YouTube
In this post I am going to:
Give you the common beliefs that Christians have that keep them in a scarcity mindset.
Why these beliefs are wrong and how to switch to an abundance mindset.
The Secret of prosperity in the Bible
What does the Bible say about being rich and why so many people get it confused?
Why God wants you to be rich.
And last, to tell you how to switch from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.
We have a lot to cover, so let’s get into it, shall we.
Common beliefs that Christians have that keep them in a scarcity mindset.
Common belief #1 Believing that your situation is permanent and there is nothing you can do about it because it is God’s will.
Many Christians think that if they do not have money or that they are struggling in life that it is God’s will and so they mine as well just sit there and let life happen to them. This is a poverty mindset. God gave us free will and there is nowhere in the Bible that God tells us to just sit there and take whatever is happening to us and not do anything. In fact, there are several times in the Bible when things are happening to people and they pray for God to intervene in their situation. Not sit there and let life happen to them.
Why these beliefs are wrong and what the Bible has to say:
I am going to tell you about the story of Ruth. You should really read the entire book but in a nutshell, Ruth’s husband died, her father and law died (Naomi’s husband), and her sister and law’s husband died. They were on their way to Bethlehem and on their way, Orpah decided to go back to the city of Moab because that is the mindset she was stuck in. Never mind Moab was sacrificing children and there was probably NOTHING there for her, she went back anyway.
Ruth, on the other hand, went to Bethlehem when she got to Bethlehem, she just did not sit there and stay broke in the street because of the raw deal life handed her and felt like was God’s will. Instead, she went, put herself to work, and she had faith that something was going to change. In the process, she met Boaz who was rich, became his wife, and found that this was God’s will.
To prove my point I want to take an excerpt from my book for single women which you can buy here or you can click the picture below to get the first chapter for free.
And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.” Ruth 2:2 (NIV)
I often ponder why Ruth said this. I am not sure she knew who, where or what she was going to find, but she knew that she was going to go work her butt off and find favor from somewhere and something was going to happen.
But Ruth did not let her situation get the best of her. Instead, she got up when it was early and she went out and worked for the entire day. She did this because she needed food and she knew that working was the only way to get it. She wandered into the field of Boaz. When Boaz saw her, he saw a hard working woman and admired her.
My point is that Ruth hit on hard times but she did not just sit around and say “oh well, this sucks and there is nothing I can do it about it.” There is a lot of things that you can do about your situation but it is up to do you do it.
What’s my point and how you can shift this into an abundance mindset:
You can shift your mind to an abundance mindset by realizing that you have a lot of free will. You may not be able to do everything, but you can do something to get yourself to where you need to be in life. I want to use myself as an example. If you read my blog here about the time I was struggling, I talk about how I lost my job, how I was broke, how I was making WAYYYY less money, and the last thing I refuse to was sit there. In fact, I feel that it was this issue that actually propelled me to starting my own business. I refuse for my income and my job to be dictated by another person and so I got something on my own. Hence this blog, my books, and all the rest of the stuff I have done. Can you imagine if I would have just sat there after losing my job and my income and said “oh this is God’s will” and not tried to do anything? Then I would still be in that mindset struggling to make ends meet. When really, like Ruth God’s will was for Ruth to meet Boaz. And God’s will for me was to start my business.
Common belief #2 Using thoughts, words, or excuses for scarcity.
This is a big one. Some of the common phrases I hear.
Jesus was poor. Jesus suffered (along with any other references comparing yourself to Jesus).
Jesus said that it is easier for a rich man to fit through an eye of a needle then it is to get into heaven.
Money is the root of all evil.
My riches are stored up in heaven.
Christians are not meant to be rich or have money.
As well as any other justifications you give yourself as to why it is okay or why it is God’s will for you to be in scarcity.
Why these beliefs are wrong and what the Bible has to say about this.
Many of the above statements come from the Bible and if you are going to quote the Bible to keep yourself in a scarcity mindset then you should at least read the entire thing in context so you can see that all of the above statements are not at all what God intended. So let’s me debunk these right now.
Jesus was poor. Jesus suffered (along with any other references comparing yourself to Jesus).
Who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philippians 2:6-8
Jesus suffered so that we don’t have to. He made himself poor, he made himself the lowest of the low and it was all for us so that he could be a proper sacrifice for all of us. No matter if you are the poorest of the poor or the richest of the rich he was still a proper sacrifice because he made himself below everyone. He suffered so that his sacrifice would account for any and every one now and in the future. The price has already been paid. Why continue to punish yourself and put yourself in jail for a crime that someone else has already confessed to and been punished for? And Jesus willingly gave himself up for us so that we can be free and have the life we deserve. You do not have to be like Jesus, make yourself poor, and a servant. For what? He has already one that. He did that so that you won’t have to.
Jesus said that it is easier for a rich man to fit through an eye of a needle then it is to get into heaven.
People love to use this verse but everything in context. I suggest you read Mathew 19:16-26 to get a full explanation of what I am about to say.
In this situation, the man came to Jesus and was claiming to be perfect (which none of us are). Jesus called his bluff and said okay well if you are perfect then give up all of your money and follow me. In which case the man turned away because he was, in essence, saying that his money was more important than following Jesus and therefore he was coveting money. In which Jesus said (and I am using the amplified Bible so that you can get the entire meaning of the verse).
But when the young man heard this, he left grieving and distressed, for he owned much property and had many possessions [which he treasured more than his relationship with God].
Jesus said to His disciples, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, it is difficult for a rich man [who clings to possessions and status as security] to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man [who places his faith in wealth and status] to enter the kingdom of God.” Matthew 19:22-24
I have highlighted the parts which basically prove what I am saying. But please read the entire story in context. Matthew 19:16-26. But the point is that most people are not willing to give up all their riches for God in which God stated that it would be easier for him to go through the needle of an eye, because most people are covet and would covet their money and not be willing to give it up for God which is why most people do not reach that level of prosperity. So God does want you to be abundance but he does not want you to love money or put it over your relationship with him. That is the real meaning of the above verse.
Money is the root of all evil.
Now that you have context of the above story then know that money is not the root of all evil but rather the love of money is the root of all evil. When people say this, they got it from the Bible verse:
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 1 Timothy 6:10
Which basically means that you should not love money more than you love God. A perfect example of this is Solomon. Where God ask Solomon to ask him for whatever he wanted and God would give it to him. Solomon asked for wisdom to help him be a better king over God’s people and God gave him wisdom and a lot of money because he did not covet money but instead asked how he could be of service to others.
The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. Kings 3: 10-15
Since Solomon did not covet money aka love money God gave it freely to him. Money is not the root of all evil but the LOVE of money is.
My riches are stored up in heaven.
The saying comes from the following Bible verse:
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth” Matthew 6:19
This goes along with the idea of coveting money because storing up money on Earth is not going to get you into heaven. But why can’t you have money on Earth and in heaven? If you take the Lord’s prayer that we so often say, it states the following:
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matthew 6:10
Which means that you are asking for God’s will to be done here on Earth like it is in heaven. So you should see where I am going with this in the sense that if your riches are in heaven then you can call for them to be done here on Earth as well. It is in the Lord’s Prayer. You can have both riches on Earth and in heaven why does it have to be either or?
Christians are not meant to be rich or have money.
If you read the Bible you can clearly see that God has blessed plenty of people with money.
David 1 Samuel 26:23-25
Solomon Kings 3: 10-15
Joseph Genesis 39:2
Job (after his suffering) Job 42:12
Esther (she became queen) Esther 2
Ruth Ruth: 4
Isaac Genesis 26:16
Jacob Genesis 30:25-31:55
And their wealth came from God so, I think it is clear that he meant for us to have money.
How you can shift this into an abundance mindset:
Before you start quoting all of these Bible verses and stories about how God wants you to be poor how about you actually read the Bible for yourself and learn the context of how none of that is true as I have just proven. Instead of saying to yourself that you are meant to be in lack because it is some spiritual mission from God. However, you read other Bible verses about how God wants to give to you.
Read Bible verses such as:
The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. Deuteronomy 28:13
Beloved, I pray you to prosper concerning all things and to be in good health, just as your soul prospers. 3 John 1:2
If you do not want any money or if you are fine staying where you are at and are content with the wealth you currently have then good for you. BUT why do Christians have to hate on other pastors or even people who are wealthy? Of course, I am not looking in the wallets and books of every single pastors or person so I could not tell you if they are earning money the legit way or if they are coveting money. I am not them, but I also am not going to be jealous or turn my nose up just because they have wealth AND most importantly I am not going to say they are not from God because they have wealth. As we have already established God can and will bless someone with wealth. And who those people are, are no concerns of yours. And it is a scarcity mindset to feel like you can’t be wealthy as a Christian so no one else can either. Some people can be so “Christian” and start judging other people to the point that it is actually un-Christian. Being envious of others is actually works of the flesh.
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21
So while you are being envious of other people telling them why they cannot be blessed by God because they are too rich, you are actually the one sinning because you are envious of them and what they have.
Why these scarcity mindset beliefs are wrong and what the Bible has to say about this.
According to Jesus, the first two commandments are:
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:36-39
What’s my point and how you can shift this into an abundance mindset:
If you want to be all Christ-like then instead of coming at your fellow neighbor for what they have and telling them that their wealth is of the devil, why don’t you do some reflection and ask yourself why you are really mad?
Why are you mad at what someone else chooses to have with their own life? And if you are really projecting onto them because you are mad because you want what they have. But because you have a scarcity mindset, you don’t believe it is possible for you to have as a Christian. Instead of harboring all these negative emotions on other people, shift your emotions and be happy. Be happy for them, be happy for what they have, and dare I say…. Support them.
Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. Galatians 6:9
If we are all one body in Christ and they are believers then choose to support them and know that when you do so, you are encouraging the same amount of support to come back to you.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38
After reading this post I hope that you see the scarcity mindset is getting you nowhere and you are living beneath the life God has for you. If how you are living is making you happy and you do not wish to go higher, then by all means that is your choice. But I do not want you to condemn those who choose to have an abundant mindset and do want to go higher and have more wealth, provided they are doing it in a godly way. I also want you to understand that just because they choose to do so does NOT mean abundance is against God’s will. I actually think that having a scarcity mindset is against God’s will. It is insulting to him as a father that you feel He can’t or won’t provide you with an awesome life.
If you know someone who may need to read this post then share it with them.
If you are looking for the best and most affordable clip ins for natural hair then you are going to be so happy to check out these natural hair clip ins by Zury Sis. They are 100% human hair comes in textures 3c – 4 (from curly all the way to kinky). Which makes it extremely versatile for whatever type of natural hair you have.
Before I get into why these are the best clips in for natural hair I have to tell you that they were personally tested and approved by me. I actually went into the beauty supply store and had the woman pull out various natural hair clip ins and I can proudly say that these were the BEST AND MOST affordable natural hair clip in. I mean if you want to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars then I am sure that you can find better quality clip ins. But these are the most bang for your buck I should say.
To see the 3c to 4b options then click the affiliate links below:
Why these kinky curly clip in hair extensions get my vote for being the best.
You only need one pack:
As I will demonstrate below in the hair tutorials I made, you only need one pack of this hair in order to complete your entire head and I still had clip ins left over. When I looked at some of the other brands you would need two packs for your entire head. Therefore, using the Zury sis clip ins save you money. On top of the pack having more clip ins then the average pack the wefts are a lot thicker than other packs as well. Which means that one pack will give you a fully and thicker style.
These Really Are Kinky Clip In Hair Extensions
Some of you may have that curly 3 to 4a hair. Which is wonderful, I do not shade any hair texture. BUT my over all point is that there are a lot more clip in options for the 3 and 4a hair textures BUT not that many for hair like mine. Which is a 4b/4c. And whenever I have attempted to use the curlier over kinkier texture, my hair does not blend well into the clip ins. BUT for these clip ins, I used the 4b pack and as you will see from the pictures and the videos you cannot tell the clip ins from my natural hair.
Now that I have went on and on about these clip ins, I want to get into some natural hairstyles that you can do with them.
The first hairstyle I am going show you is a half up and half down.
For this hairstyle you can choose to blend your own hair into the clip ins or you can do like I did and choose to braid and tuck your natural hair and use just a small part of your own hair for the leave out. As you can see my natural hair was tucked away and all of these clip ins were think enough to look very full on my hair.
Cheap Curly Human Hair Clips For 4b/4c Natural Hair - YouTube
Directions for getting this natural hairstyle with clip ins.
Section off the hair by making a U at the top of the head for the bun. For the rest of your hair you can cornrow it down to your head, blend the clip ins into your natural hair, or you can do like me and simply braid the hair and pin it down to your head. The way that I chose was the fast way. So if you are looking for something that is not time consuming just braid your hair in two and pin it to your head. No one will be able to tell the difference.
Pin the clips in to the back of your hair. Be sure to cover your own hair underneath so that it looks more natural. I found that by placing the clip ins closer together helps anyone from seeing through the clip ins and gives it a fuller effect. Once you are reach the top off your hair near the part, get a section of your hair to cover the clip ins at the top.
Once the clips are attached you are going to have to comb the hair according to your texture. As these clip ins are a 4b already, if you are more of a 4a/4b then you may not need do as much combing. As a 4c chick, I really did comb the hair a lot so that it would blend better with my hair texture which is a lot frizzier over curly. The hair was really easy to comb through and did not tangle.
At this point your hair should be combed out and you have leave out at the top at which point you need to blend the two textures. I used this type of Ecostyler Gel (click to buy ) and apply it generously to blend out the two textures. You can use a blow dryer with a diffuser on very low heat to get the curls to stay in place.
Once the back of your hair is complete put your natural hair at the top into a bun. Get the remaining clip ins and wrap it around your bun and secure it.
And viola that is it. Below are the finished results.
Click here to get this “I Reign Supreme Crop Top”
The second hairstyle is a front flat twist tutorial with no leave out
You can watch the video below to see how to do the style.
Quick and Easy (No leave out) Flat Twist Tutorial With Affordable Clip ins 4b/4c hair - YouTube
I decided to do this protective styles because I was tired of dealing with leave out. Even though this hair blends well with my 4c hair, as the days past my 4c hair got dry and frizzy and it became harder to blend it until I was able to wash out all the gel. But I still loved the clips in so much that I wanted to wear them the following week.
So after washing the clip ins, I did a style where I did not leave out any hair at all and it made the style super maintainable as all I had to do was tie the hair up at night (see my bonnet suggestions below on the best scarfs to sleep in and maintain your hairstyle). Wake up and go about my business.
Here is how you get the style.
Part the top portion of your head straight across. Start on either the left or the right side your head and then make an additional part going straight back and these are going to the sections for the twist.
You can get creative with this section. You can do braids, twist, or whatever is it you want to do. You can even get creative with the parting. For myself, I decided to do a semi curve part just to keep it from looking to plain. And the flat twist for me are way easier and faster than cornrows.
Is an optional step but I just wanted to add some more flavor to the style by simply getting braiding hair, hair jewelry, and adding them to the sides of my hair.
Just like the above style you want to braid and tuck your hair on both sides. Then you will just apply the clips ins to the black of the hair all the way until you get to the part.
Unlike the above style there is no leave out. One you apply the clip ins you will see that there is no hair to cover the top of the clips in. At which point you are going to get braiding hair, braid it separately from your head, apply hair jewelry/string, and then attach the braid across to cover where the clip ins and your hair meet. Bobby pinning the braid to your head.
The following is the finished results of these style.
Now that you have seen these clips in, tell me that are not BOMB. And the price is bomb because on Amazon they are $69 for an entire pack of human hair clip ins and one pack will do your entire head. You can view the following hair texture options for the curly and kinky options these clip ins come in:
If you know someone who would love these clips in then go ahead and share the post with them. Plus, I have a free guide for you with more affordable fashion and beauty advice. The 5 Day Guide That Will Teach You To Be A Single Mom That Is Bomb. Just click here or the picture below.
Normally I am a HUGE HUGE advocate of dating because I feel it is an excellent way to get yourself out there, discover what you want in a relationship, or even help you with self-esteem, and feeling comfortable with the opposite sex BUT not everyone should date. In fact, some of you need to stop dating ASAP. Because the more you do it the more you do it the more you are causing your own self pain because some of y’all need to heal. If you want to know if this is you then here are some clues:
When to stop dating and under what circumstances are you emotionally damage yourself.
When you feel like you NEED a relationship.
You do not need a relationship you need Jesus, air, water, and food. The more you feel like you need someone to make you happy the more you will be disappointed. Because happiness comes from within not another person.
You keep having sex with everyone so you can fill fulfilled or love.
Do not sit here and tell me that you want to be sexually free with no strings attached. Because many of you are just out here sleeping with any and every man that you do not even know because you want to feel “loved.”
There are song lyrics from TI in his song Back then in which he asked one his female friends why she just gives up her vagina to any and every man, to which her response was this:
“All I wanna do is feel love, Even if I know it ain’t real love. Even if I know he’ll only hit it, and quit it, and then never call back, I’ll still (fill in the blank it starts with an F).”
What she was saying is that she knows men are using her and running through her but she still has sex with them to fill an emotional void within herself. And her situation is a lot of people. This behavior is not healthy I do not care how much of a sexually drive culture we live in.
You are attracted to emotionally abusive or toxic men.
Some people call these “daddy issues.” But when women have some unresolved issues with men in their lives (as in a bad relationship with their father) they tend to go for toxic or emotionally abusive men. Typically these women, suffer from low self-esteem, co dependence and keep ending up in a relationship with men that just use, abuse you, and treat you bad.
You are toxic
On the flip side to being attracted to toxic men you may be the toxic one. And every man that you get with ends up way worse and with way more emotional issues because they were with you. The woman who is always yelling, the woman that is insecure and attacking people for no reason, the woman who wants to emotionally or physically abuse their man, or the woman that has a complete and utter break with reality any time her man spends 5 minutes away from her. That is not normal.
If any of the above situations ring true with you then you need to STOP DATING. ASAP! Because doing so is causing yourself MORE PAIN and the more pain you have the harder and longer it is going to be to heal. What all of the above means is that you lack something called self-regulation and you are looking for a relationship to give you “self regulation” when really that can only come from yourself. Hence “self” regulation.
As a mental health person, I may have used a word you are not familiar with so let me define self-regulation. In short, self-regulation means that YOU and only YOU have the ability to control yourself, your behavior, and your actions without the influence of other people. Depending on someone else to complete you is the opposite of having good self-regulation. You need to practice being happy on your own, completing yourself on your own, and not allowing your happiness to be dictated by who is or is not in your life.
Now that I have gone in on you a little bit I want you to know that I care for each and every one of you and everything that I say is out of love which is why I am going to give you some steps on what you need to do to start healing yourself so that you can date in a way that is healthy.
Step #1 Stop Dating and Don’t Even Get Tempted
I have already told you to stop dating but don’t just stop dating until the next man comes by and ask you out on a date. NO, you really be intentional about NOT DATING. Remove yourself from Tinder and whatever other dating apps you are on. Be celibate so that you are not emotionally connecting with men, making soul ties with them, and you are not getting your emotions all out of whack sharing yourself with everyone because you want to be “loved.” Even when a man approaches you, turn them down. You need to be MALE FREE.
And I do not want to hear that he “may” be the one. Because if he was the “one” then nothing is going to ruin that. And if you have a habit of dating and attracting toxic men then you REALLY need to heal and not trust your own judgment when it comes to men anyway because the guy trying to talk to you may be toxic. And if you are toxic, and he is the one then you are not in a place to take on a relationship because you are toxic. To be safe, don’t date until you are emotionally ready.
Telling yourself something until you believe it is a powerful tool to combat some of the issues you have. To come up with affirmations you have to tell yourself the opposite of what you currently believe is true.
I am complete on my own, happy, and confident on my own (to addressed the neediness).
I am a positive person, I seek to bring joy everywhere I go, I am not the type of person that says and does things that will hurt other people (to address you being toxic).
I deserved to be loved and will only date men who treat me with dignity and respect (to address you being attracted to emotionally unavailable men).
Also, feel free to check out my Christian Manifestation guide filled with affirmations and prayer that will always help you with emotional healing.
The Ultimate Law of Attraction and Christianity Manifestation Guide - YouTube
I am a HUGE fan of journaling and have been doing it since a teen. You can click my blog on a letter to my younger self to see how you can use a journal as being therapeutic. I have personally used and continue to use journaling as a way to heal some of the issues I have. When you journal, you can write down. There are a few things that will happen.
As you write you will start to gain clarity and feel an emotional release. Especially as you go further in your healing journey. When you first start writing you may write about the pain, how much it sucks that you are dating, you have no man, that you are lonely, depressed, and all the other whining that you will probably do. As you progress in your healing that type of talk with stop. AND when you came back once you are healed and read what you wrote I think you will be shocked on how pressed over a man.
If you are needy, you may write something like. “I do not have a man, I feel so lonely and depressed, and like no one will love me.” Ideally, as you implement some of the other exercises and get stronger in your healing you will come back and reflect on some of the unrealistic notions you had about yourself. If by chance you come back and read your journal and some of these unrealistic notions still make sense to you. Then that is sign that you are not ready to date and you still have some healing to do.
This is a Christian lifestyle blog so you know I am going to mention prayer. Because like the old saying goes prayer changes things. Take the following Bible verse:
Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. James 5:13
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
If you are feeling depressed, lonely, needy, or want God to heal you from dating the losers that you have been dating then you need to pray about it. I can promise you that I have been upset and depressed about some of the most serious things, relationships, men that I wanted to get over, or heartbreak I wanted to get over and God literally transformed me from being a needy, insecure, woman who was dating the wrong type of man to the woman that you see here today.
Look at me, don’t I look confidence and transformed. Click to follow me on Instagram.
And before you think I am bragging I AM SO NOT. I think that it is a testimony to prayer that anyone can be transformed and healed from issues that cause their dating life to be destructive to their own mental health.
Read the Bible
I know some people think this may not work because a lot of you feel that the Bible is outdated and does not relate you. But I promise you when you read a Bible that you actually understand there is wisdom beyond anything you can imagine in it, regarding everything. That is the wonder of the Holy Spirit that when you read something in the Bible God will tell you how it directly applies to your situation. You can click here for tips on how to read the Bible. Take for example my video below about how to get over your ex. All of what I am saying is found in the Bible but can be applicable to what you are going through today and it was only through the Holy Spirit that I was able to use scriptures that were thousands of years old and make it relevant to my relationship choices now. And that is how the Bible can also help you heal.
5 Step Plan To Getting Over Your Ex ~ No Nonsense Christian breakup advice - YouTube
I always recommend counseling for healing. Especially if you have long term deep-rooted issues that you are not able to heal on your own or if you are having trouble finding where some of your behavior comes from. Finding a licensed therapist, a life coach, or even pastoral counseling can really help you shed light on the areas you need to be healed from and give you additional exercises that are specific what you need for healing.
Step # 3 I have stopped dating now when can I start dating
I would like to sit here and tell you that you can do this for a day or two, that you are healed and then you are ready to date BUT that is probably not true. I actually took a couple of years break from dating. And if your mouth dropped open right then when I said that then you are NOT ready to date. You are still depending on a relationship for your validation. I am NOT telling you that it will take years. I have no way of knowing that. But it is not a day or even a week process. And it is all for the betterment of YOU. Remember that.
The real sign to look for is that you should always be cool, calm, collected, and happy no matter who you are or are not dating, who you are or are not in a relationship with, and no matter if you are or are not having sex. Then and only then once you have complete and total self-regulation without the outside influence or attention of men, then that is when you are able to date.
And I caution you to actually give yourself time to heal and not just jump into going through the motions of the steps claiming to be healed just so you can get back out there again. Don’t fake the funk! This will only hurt you if you go back to dating before you are fully healed or ready. You will just repeat the same exact mistakes again, getting the same heartbreak, developing the same neediness, going to the same no good men, repeating the same toxic behaviors, and allowing men to use and abuse your body while you call it love. And the work that you did do will be erased because you went back into the dating pool before you were ready. But if you wait, and you are TRULY healed then your dating life will be more enriched, stable, you will be more happy, and self-fulfilled. Then you will be ready for a healthy husband, boyfriend, and future relationships.
If you know someone that is doing way too much in the dating arena and it is affecting them emotionally then go ahead and share this post with them. PLUS if you are still undecided about my book for single women, then watch the trailer below. Click here to buy and click here to get the first chapter FREE.
The Ultimate Book For Single Christian Women - YouTube
If you are involved in an emotionally abusive relationship then know that your mental well being, how you feel about yourself, and the types of relationships you feel you deserve are at risk. I think often times we can be with emotionally abusive men and not even know it. I know I didn’t. Not at first. I can speak from experience, I was with an emotionally abusive man particularly my son’s father. I do not think that I realized it at first, but now that I am out of it I can recall that literally, every moment with him felt like mental warfare. Always yelling, name calling, being hot and cold, and saying and doing emotionally damaging things to both myself and my son.
“I don’t love you and I don’t love our son”
” I don’t care about your son because he came from you”
He would say. And THEN he would tell me I needed to understand how he felt and I did not have the right to get mad. Because I chose to have a baby he did not want. It was like one big mind game all the time and I could NEVER win. When I was in it I thought that it was a bit crazy but I did not think of it as being emotionally abusive because it was not domestic violence. He was not hitting me. I just thought that it was his flawed way of communicating.
But an emotionally abusive relationship is beyond that. It is about messing with your self-esteem, tearing you down, and trying to gain control over you through emotional abuse techniques. You can see a full list of emotionally abusive signs from health line because they are way too many to list. BUT I will take some of these signs and tell you how it relates to my own emotionally abusive situation and how the man you are with may have the same signs but you could be overlooking them.
My emotionally abusive relationship with my son’s father.
As I said before I really encourage you to visit health line so that you can get all the signs. For now, I will take the ones that I had to personally endure in my situation with my son’s father.
Humiliation, negating, criticizing
What is it: These tactics are meant to undermine your self-esteem. The abuse is harsh and unrelenting in matters big and small.
Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship through Humiliation, negating, criticizing
Name-calling. My son’s father used to call me fat, stupid, dumb, insinuate that I was a whore and perhaps even called me that. And these were just to name a few or the ones I remember.
Character assassination. In my case, my son’s father would say that no one would ever want to marry me because I was not worth marrying. Anything that was specific to me was a problem, he had an issue with AND would let me know. For example, me being a Christian meant that he took low key shots about my behavior, what he felt I should do, and how I acted. Another example, since my son plays video games he stated that my son (Aka) his son was going to be a slacker because I allowed him to play too many video games. Thus calling me a bad mom.
Sarcasm. Often just a dig in disguise. For example, my son’s father would say to get off the short bus like it was a joke when in all reality he was calling me stupid.
Belittling your accomplishments. If you are a reader of my blog then you should know that I have three degrees, the highest being a Ph.D. Two of my degrees I attained while I was a single mom. Under normal circumstances, people celebrate this accomplishment. But no, not an emotional abuser.
My son’s father told me I still lacked comment sense and that my degrees did not make me anything. And that I was still going to be “cuddling” with my degrees since I was single. And that men do not want education in women but instead then need to be able to cook, clean, and give good oral sex.
And oh yes, true to an emotional abuser other people had to join in the game. Aka his wife, also going on a social media tangent belittling my accomplishments and my degrees. Even though I had actually never formally meant her. But emotional abusers always use people. Which is another sign below.
Control and shame
What is it: Trying to make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies is just another path to power.
Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship through control and shame
Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells. Which of course was one of my son’s father favorite moves. I mean literally, this was his normal personality dealing with me. I am not sure that I have ever seen him any other way. I just assumed he was bipolar or something. One minute we were getting along and the next he was yelling at me. One minute he loved my son and one minute he wanted nothing to do with him.
They walk out. If any of you have ever read my single moms story (you can click here). Then you know that my son’s father is the definition of walking away. He will come in for about a month or two, out for 2 more years, then comes back after two years BUT only through email. Then another 8 months will pass before asking to see my son. Then I will follow up with him on when he planned to see my son and then starts yelling at me on why I am contacting him. Followed by another 4 years of silence. And as always, with an emotional abuser instead of accepting responsibility him walking out was my fault.
Using others. This started when I left my son’s father alone because he was with another woman. He then went to all of his family members who then attacked me stating that I was mad because my son’s father did not want to be with me. A narrative I am sure he gave them. Because the using others is never the truth, it is always the version of the truth the emotional abusers want to give to other people. A truth that has them looking like a saint and you like a monster. And all the better if the other people actually come to you and start attacking you based on what the emotional abuser said.
Accusing, blaming, and denial
What is it: This behavior comes from an abuser’s insecurities. They want to create a hierarchy in which they’re at the top and you’re at the bottom.
Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship through Accusing, blaming, and denial.
Denying something you know is true. When I finally decided to part ways with my son’s father, I had questioned him for about a year or two about another woman which he adamantly denied. I would literally visit him in jail and the correctional officers would tell me that another woman who identified herself as his girlfriend came to visits the day before. That was their way of showing me who he really was I guess. But my son’s father denied it. Even with the truth looking him dead in his face. There was no other woman he would say and that I was being paranoid.
Goading then blaming. This is when people do something to set you off and when you go off on them, then it is your fault. For example, with my son’s father, I was always at fault for everything. The fact that he decided not to see my son for years was my fault. The fact that he did not pay his $68 a month in child support also turned into my fault. The fact that he was emotionally abusive and I decided to walk away YOU GUESS IT MY FAULT. I am not entirely sure how he spun that one. Just know that everything he did was my fault.
Emotional neglect and isolation
What is it: Abusers tend to place their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will try to come between you and people who are supportive of you to make you more dependent on them.
Signs of an emotionally abusive relationship through emotional neglect and isolation
Shutting down communication. This as a sign that I should have noticed from day one with my son’s father because he always had this issue. Making dates with me and not showing up. Not answering a text or phone calls. And when I first became pregnant he just up and disappeared. I did not know where he went or lived for my entire pregnancy. And only spoke to him about twice during my pregnancy. At one point when I tried to text him, he pretended to be someone else and told me I had the wrong number.
Trying to come between you and your family. Oh yes, he tried this one. By going directly to my mother saying that he did not want to deal with me anymore only her. And tried to give the impression that I was the one that was unreasonable and doing something to him. I guess trying to turn my mother against me.
Then, of course, there is the time where he tells my son that he cannot call him because “your mother” AKA me does not charge his phone. Which by the way his father was responsible for putting minutes on and of course he doesn’t. But instead of saying he is not putting minutes on the phone it is my fault for not charging the phone. Giving my son the impression that I am the reason why HE does not call more.
Indifference. They see you hurt or crying and do nothing. This one is pretty self-explanatory. And the crazy thing is that I do not cry much at all, in front of anyone. There was that ONE time I did cry in front of him because I was so frustrated and he simply just hung up. I would say that is pretty indifference.
Disputing your feelings. In this case, I would express my disappointment about his being an absentee father and instead of seeing what I was saying is right. He would literally try to make me feel as though I was imagining these things, imagining that he was not showing up for my son, and that he was really a good father in disguise and that I was blowing things way out of proportion.
The Ultimate Single Mom’s Devotional (Passion, Purpose, and Prayer) - YouTube
So either when you read this you were shocked or not surprised at all because you were in a similar situation. In some cases, it may have been worse. And having gone through this myself and still continue to go through this on the rare occasions that I have to interact with my son’s father; this behavior becomes so second nature to you that you forget to see it for what is. But now you know.
Here is how you break away from emotionally abusive men:
Leave. I know the answer sounds so simple right. But really it is, you can leave and even if it will hurt you still leave. And when you choose to not have a conversation about it. Because a conversation with them may have them convincing you that you are overreacting and are crazy and that is all about the manipulation. When really you have every right to leave. And you should.
You are not crazy. Apart of the manipulation of emotionally abusive men is that they will try to tell you are overreacting, they may apologize, or they may try to make you think that you are crazy; that no one will want you and that you are nothing without them.
You are not crazy and the ultimate test is do you feel good in the relationship or do you feel bad? And if you feel bad most of the time in the relationship then who cares if you are crazy or not. The only thing that you should be concerned with is how YOU feel in the relationship and if you don’t feel good when you do not need any other reason to leave than that.
Have boundaries. If you are in a situation where you share children with this person or you know that somehow you will have to be in contact with this person and is it unavoidable. Then you have to set personal boundaries. If you have children then have them pick the child up from your parents’ home. Do not allow them to show up or enter your house. In fact, treat them just as you would a regular stranger on the street that you just met. This person could be harmful and so why do you want to allow them in your personal space.
If you just have to deal with them because you work with them or you just have to come in contact with them just ignore them like they do not exist in your world. And if you have to say something to them; keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Do not go back and forth with them allowing them to start their manipulation tactics on you.
You will need to heal. I spoke about this in my blog about guarding your heart (which you can read here). When people do emotionally damaging things to you they change you and they change the way you feel about yourself.
We interact with people all day every day. We get close to people, break up, get betrayed boyfriends, get hurt by family members and guess what? All of those things have the potential to leave bad deposits on your heart. I can almost bet that people have left deposits in your heart and most of them you are not even aware of. When you were with a cheating boyfriend, deposits were left in your heart in the form insecurity and being distrustful of men. Every time someone called you ugly, fat, stupid or said that you were not good enough, deposits were left in your heart in the form of low self-esteem.
My point is that all those emotionally damaging things that your ex has said to you or even your current boyfriend have said to you, you will believe them. Because he has said these things so much, played with your mind so much that no matter how strong you will start to wonder if what they said is really true.
Which is why I am a big promotion of healing, counseling, pastoral counseling, life coaching, crying, church or whatever it is you need to do to get all of that bad blood OUT of your system DO IT. If you don’t you will.
A. Continue to get into the same types of relationships with men who are emotionally abusive.
B. You will not think that you are worthy of love and not get into any relationship because that is how much he played on your self-esteem.
C. Continue to go back to your ex and let them stomp on you some more causing you to develop more and even deeper rooted issues.
All of which are not good for you. Do not punish yourself for getting into a relationship with an emotionally abusive man. It happens to the best of us. But know that you realize it, get up, move on, and don’t continue to allow him to play games in your head. If anything, I am a completely functional person that has TONS of confidence. So I am living proof that the effects of these relationships are not long lasting.
If you know someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship then share this post with them. Plus, I have an amazing video below on how to get over your ex.
5 Step Plan To Getting Over Your Ex ~ No Nonsense Christian breakup advice - YouTube
Do you suffer from frumpy mom syndrome and you want to be part of the stylish moms club? I know to become stylish sounds so intimidating to some moms but I promise you I am going to make it easy for you. As a stylish single mom myself I specialize in teaching you how to be a put together mom instead of feeding into the stereotype that you have to walk around in oversized jeans and a sweatshirt with stains all over it because you are a mom.
When I had this conversation with a fellow mom they literally told me that they did not have time to be stylish because they had two boys to raise. And I do get that but I have a son to raise and I am a single mom whereas she was married and has helped with her kids and I still leave the house looking presentable.
What I told her is that it literally takes the same time and effort to put on a hot mess pair of pants and shirt then it does to put on a matching one. Becoming one of the stylish moms is not difficult. No one is telling you that you have to walk out of the house in 10-inch heels, a tight miniskirt, and your cleavage hanging out. I am not telling you that you have to come out of the house looking like Italian Vogue wearing clothes you are not comfortable in. It does not require all of that to be stylish. I am going to make it easy for it.
And as I said before in my how to get your sexy back as a mom, there is no law that says that when becoming a mom that you have to look crazy. I may be in the minority but think of it this way. If you are married your husband is watching you (even though I am sure that he will love you either way) imagine how much of a treat it would be for him over just looking at you in the same ole worn down clothes. Just like if you were to come home and your husband was looking good and smelling nice I am sure that most women would prefer looking at a put together version over her man over one that is not. Am I right?
Case in point:
I once spoke to my married friend she was a stay at home mom looking a hot mess and started to get concerned that her husband’s female co-worker was getting to close to her husband. My friend was BEAUTIFUL by the way and use to do some modeling although you would never tell because now she just looked crazy. Hair not combed and stayed in pajama pants all day. And I know her husband would NOT cheat on her but here he has nice looking professional women to look at all day and when he gets home my friend looking a hot mess and coming to his job looking like a hot mess which made these other women think it was okay for them to come to her husband because of how she looked.
I told her specifically that she needed to put that chick on notice and go to her husband’s job dressed to kill and simply have lunch with her husband. She needed to let those other women know that she was nothing to compete with and remind her husband and the other women what an awesome package that he has as sometimes that can be lost underneath her frumpiness. Don’t let becoming a wife and mom allow you just to let yourself go completely.
And besides, being a stylish moms helps you FEEL GOOD. My son refers to be at the cool mom. When I come into his classroom he is proud that I look put together. The same values that I instill in him that when he leaves the house to tuck his shirt, put some lotion on his ashy skin, and look like a presentable young man into the world. I cannot be a mom and say do as I tell you to do but not as I do?
So I think I have gone on long enough, it is time to get into the how to get out of the frumpy mom syndrome and how to be a put together mom.
#1 Become a Stylish Mom By Having A Wonderful Go To Capsule Wardrobe
The reason why you may be a frumpy mom is that when you go into your closet you have nothing but baggy clothes and pajama pants to choose from and therefore you just go for those. The second reason is that you are a mom you have to get the kids ready and you do not have much time to pick out what you are going to wear. I have created a picture for you below that if you click here or on the picture, you will get to see my choices for a capsule wardrobe that are inexpensive.
You do not need a wardrobe full of stylish clothes but just a few pieces that you can mix and match. So literally the picture above will give you several outfits as you alternate the pants and the shirts as well as the sweaters and jackets as the weather changes. It legitimately takes little to no effort to sit and plan anything if you just grab a shirt and pants that you know will match, because most of your wardrobe is interchangeable.
Check out some of my other blogs for capsule wardrobe options:
#2 Become a part of the stylish moms club by doing something to your head.
Yes doing something to your HEAD that is what my grandmother used to say when I used to walk around the house with my hair widely over my head looking like a hot mess as a child. No one is saying that you have to go to the salon and spend a whole bunch of money to get your hair done. If you follow my YouTube Channel here you will see that I do my own hair. And even though it may seem like a lot of work I typically do my hair over the weekend and keep the same style throughout the week by tying it up.
You can even put your hair is a bun or a ponytail and just by brushing your hair and making sure that it is laid down properly can make a HUGE difference from looking frumpy to stylish. It does not take long to do your hair. In fact, you can check out my blog:
As a bonus for all of you saying that you still cannot do it, you can watch the tutorials on my channel but I also want to feature another member of the stylish moms club. A mother of two that will often do quick and easy hairstyles that makes her look BOMB.
EASY 10-MIN BUN + HALF DOWN CURLY STYLE! | hair how-to - YouTube
# 3 Become a part of the stylish moms club by taking care of your hair
While we are on the topic of hair you can do things to ensure that your hair looks healthy. Putting a nice healthy head of hair is a ponytail looks a lot better than putting dry, brittle, and damaged hair into a ponytail. I know because there was a time in which I just let my hair go and I had split ends until I had to just cut it and start all over.
Just doing simple deep conditioning treatment every week can improve the quality of your hair by imparting moisture, improving texture, and penetrating the hair shaft, conditioning treatments can help reduce breakage and split ends and improve your hair’s health. In order to combat breakage, you need to nourish, strengthen and moisturize your hair. Deep conditioning treatments can do just that (source).
See some of my deep conditioning picks below:
#4 Became a stylish mom by taking care of your skin:
As a grown adult I suffered from adult acne and hyperpigmentation. Having bad skin made me look older and more tired. Top that off with being a mom and the natural bags and dark circles you have under your eyes from just being up caring for your kids can make your skin look worn out before its time.
The first step I took was to get Curology (click here). It is like a dermatologist without actually going to one. You send in pictures of your skin and they will prescribe a bottle specifically for the needs of your skin based on the pictures. For me, it was hyperpigmentation and acne. This has helped my skin A LOT actually. My skin actually looks smoother than it ever has, as I have suffered from acne since middle school.
Also, consider having an at-home spa day, click here for my blog on that. Just to make sure that you are not looking older than you need to look before your time and you can be that fresh looking you mom that looks 10 years older than what she actually is. I
#5 Becoming a stylish mom by losing weight and taking care of your body.
I get that you do not want to be judge by that baby fat you still have even though you had your child 9 years ago and it is no longer baby fat. I get it because I had to lose 60 pounds of baby fat myself when my son was like 8 years old (click here to see that blog). I think that the expectation is that when women become moms that it is okay for them to just out of shape, with excessive amounts of weight.
I have learned that it is not okay. Beyond being stylish, it is not okay to be in your 30’s and having health issues that most people don’t have until their 50’s or 60’s due to your poor eating or exercise habits. I cannot tell you how good it feels to fit into my pre-pregnancy pants and how much more confident I am. How much more energetic I feel and how much more I can be stylish.
I think the wakeup call for me is when I went in the store to get my stylish mom on and none of the clothes fit me as they did not have a plus size section. And this was the first time that I had been considered plus sized. I could not even wear what I want due to a large amount of weight I gained. And when I went with my son to the water park I almost had a freakin heart attack from walking up the stairs to the top part of the slide where I had to stop multiples times to catch my breath. Be healthy to be stylish, to improve your self-esteem, to be able to get better clothes BUT most importantly do it so you can live a long life and keep up with your kids.
#6 The Makeup no makeup look
The whole premise of be telling how to become a stylish mom is that I do not want to take up a bunch of your time telling you to get ready in the morning. I personally put on a full face of makeup each morning but for most moms that is not needed nor do they want to do. And besides I can put on a full face of makeup in about 15 minutes as it is a regular part of my routine so it is not impossible. But what most of you really want is a makeup no makeup look at this quick, easy, and will just give you the boost you need without having a full face of makeup and putting a thousand things on your face.
If you are like me and you want it to appear as if you have makeup on but because you are a mom and you want to still give the appearance of a mom. Then I recommend the items below. It is a great makeup starter kit that you can create multiples looks that look more made up, over the no makeup that looks really natural. For those who actually want to look made up. Click here or the picture below to get these items.
Also, you can check out my blog here to see how to apply these items. The Absolute Best & Most Budget-Friendly Makeup Starter Kit.
So these are the 7 major tips that I have to turn you from a busted looking mom to becoming part of the stylish moms club and they are pretty simple. If you know a fellow mom that may need some easy style tips on how to upgrade her look then go ahead and share this post with her.
PLUS I have something FREE for you. It is my 5 Day Guide To Becoming a Single Mom That Is The Bomb. AKA one of the stylish moms. Just click here or the picture below and it’s yours for free.
In this post, I am going to teach you the traits of a high value woman. If this is your first time hearing the term high value woman then let me go ahead and explain her to you really quick. AND why you want to be her. She is the woman that dates good men, has confidence, knows that she deserves the best, attracts the best, and makes no apologies for knowing what she deserves from a relationship.
If you refuse to upgrade the type of woman you are:
You will continue to date tired behind men that get all your nerves. Ones that don’t want to work, want to sit on your couch and do nothing all the while trying to have sex with you.
You will continue to be with men who you have to force to be men, force to be fathers and ones that carry a ton of baggage behind them like a trail of ex-wives, baby mamas, kids, cheating, and a crapload of drama that you should NOT have to deal with.
And becoming a high value woman makes you less desperate. Instead of taking on any man because you don’t know when the next one is going to come around, you will find yourself in an objective place where you get to choose the type of man that you want to be with.
When all is said and done, all men want a high-value woman just like you probably want a high value man. No one says to themselves that they want a loser to be in a relationship with. Therefore, you need not be a loser. Instead, be the opposite, which will give you a chance to be in an equally yoked relationship where you two are building each other up and adding onto what each other already have.
Now before I get into it, you can watch my video below
How To Get Into Your High Value Woman Mindset & Attract A High Value Man
If You Want To Get Into Your High Value Woman Mindset & Attract A High Value Man Watch This - YouTube
Some of the tips that I have mentioned in the video I am going to touch upon here and I am going to expand on to it so that you can really and truly have everything you need to become a high value woman. Are you ready? Let’s get into it shall we?
#1 High Value Women Care About Their Appearance
When you think of anything of value I can almost bet that you are not going to think of something that is raggedy and run down. Your house will be worth more if it looks nice, is renovated, and kept in good condition right? When we think of things that are of value we typically think that they look nice and they are of good quality, so as a high value woman you need to look nice and be of high quality. From the way you look, take care of your health, your body, and how you present yourself to the world. From the top of your head to the bottom of your toes, and everything in between. Take care of it.
How this applies to you as a high value woman
If you are wanting to get the cream of the crop as far as men go then understand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I am not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that the man of your dreams is going to see you walking around looking all homely, are in desperate need of a bath, comb; and that he is going to look at you and say that you are the woman for him. It is not likely.
When men see you there has to be something that is going to draw him in about you and taking care of yourself and your appearance in one of those things. Smelling nice, dressing like you have class (not all naked), having groomed nails, and hair. It signifies to a man that you care about yourself and that if he steps to you then this is how you expect to be treated and he needs to have the same caliber of respect for himself.
What this does, is keep the busted men away because even though they may look at you subconsciously they may be thinking that they don’t have a chance. And it will draw better men in because they will look at you and say to themselves that you are woman that looks like you can belong to a man like him because he is the same way. Like attract like. You see how that works.
Before a young woman’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king. Esther 2:12-13 (NIV)
Before Esther became queen, she had to go through beauty treatments. The reason why I bring this up is because so many of you think that you are ready to be queen and meet your king and really, like Esther, you are still an orphan on the street. You do not know how to act like a queen, dress like a queen, or even speak like a queen. But yet you want to go before the king when you are not even ready.
My point is that it is not vanity to care about your appearance. If you are obsessed with your appearance that is vanity. But taking care of yourself and wanting to put your BEST foot forward in how you present yourself to the world is what you should be doing as a high value woman.
#2. Be A Boss
There are some women out there who want to find a high value man, they want a provider, and they may even want to be a stay at home mom. So you may not want to be a boss of your life because when you plan of getting married and having a man take care of you anyway.
But until that day comes, you STILL need to be a boss. You still need to run and provide for your own life properly. Because your man has not come yet and the last thing you want to do is to meet a man, have nothing going on for yourself, you are not really doing anything, and to tell him that your goal in life is to find a nice man that can provide for you so that you can be a stay at home mom. He is going to look at you like gold digger who is just sitting around waiting for a good man to come rescue from your life. A life that you have actively decided not to do anything with or manage properly. What would he be getting from being with you?
When Boaz saw Ruth, he saw a hard working woman and admired her. He asked his servant about her and the following was said about Ruth:
The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, ‘Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.’ She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.” Ruth 2:6-7 (NIV)
That is what drew Boaz to Ruth — she was working from early morning up until now and she was doing it for her family. I am sure Ruth was a good looking woman, but she was working in the field and I am sure that it was not her Glamour-shot moment. Although there was some attraction there, the attraction came from Ruth’s reputation.
How does this apply to you as a high value woman?
I am sure that Boaz had some attraction to Ruth, but that is just the beginning. Just take a stroll through social media and you can see a whole bunch of beautiful women. So if you just take tip #1 work and on your appearance or you think being pretty is good enough and that is all you need, then you are going to be in for a rude awakening because a lot of women are pretty and a lot of pretty women are being used for sex and then tossed to the side once a man is done with them.
If you are just a pretty woman and you cannot hold a conversation, then you are not a high value woman. If you are just a pretty woman then how will he know that you won’t spend up all his money if he were to marry you? If you are just a pretty woman then when times get hard or he needs some encouragement then how does he know that you will be able to handle the hard times or have anything of value to say?
But a boss chick can. If a boss chick is mastering her own life, then a man knows that if he were to join his life with her’s that she can only ADD on to what he already has not take away. Just like Boaz and Ruth, yes Boaz did provide for Ruth, yes he gave her money, he was the breadwinner, and when he married her I am sure that she did not have to work in the field. BUT that was only because HE observed the type of woman that she was (hardworking) and that is the type of woman he wanted to marry.
The fact that Ruth worked hard did not make her LESS worthy of a good man so forget this whole “Working hard may make me look too independent crap.” No, it makes you look like the type of woman that he wants in his life, one that he can trust with his life, and the type of woman he wanted to mother his child and trust that she will be strong enough to handle a household.
#3 Don’t Have A Nasty Attitude
To further my point of what I was saying about Ruth, Boaz said the following about her.
“I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you didn’t know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge. Ruth 2:11-12 (NIV)
Notice how he noticed her kindness. He did not notice that she was cursing people out, gossiping, and being nasty to any and everybody for no real reason what so ever. I think the BEST example of this would be Meghan Markle.
When she met her now husband, Prince Harry, a friend of hers had actually hooked her up with him. Now imagine if Meghan had a stank behind attitude and suffered from the “angry black woman syndrome” where she did not know how to talk to anyone without sounding angry or she was just plain rude. Do you think that her friend would have hooked her up with anyone knowing that she was just rude as hell and when she met the prince that it was a large possibility that she wouldn’t know how to act? NO probably not.
So even if you are not around a man and you think the cost is clear for you to be nasty it isn’t. You don’t know who is watching you and you do not know who will want to hook you up with who based on their observation of you.
Let’s speak facts:
Did you know that kindness is the number #1 reason that men are attracted to women? In a research study put on by David M. Buss from the University of Texas at Austin, it was found that, worldwide, kindness was one of the traits most desired in a mate by both men and women (source).
So having looks are nice, mastering your life is nice, but if you are a complete jerk doing it then you are literally reversing all the hard work you have put in to become a high value woman and you will just come across like a diva. A single and alone diva.
#4. Don’t Have Too Much Baggage
Imagine that you are sitting at a bar, and a nice attractive high value man walks up to you ask you about yourself. You tell him that you are living with a man but you are not in a relationship, that you just got a divorce and that was your 5th divorce, that you have 5 children by each of those men do you really think he is going to want to go out with you?
All he heard was the word baggage. He heard that if he was to get with you that he would have to deal with 5 different men who are the fathers of your children which would more than likely equal drama. He heard that even if he wanted to date you that would be hard to do because you are living with a man, who you may or may not be sleeping with, and that is just plain weird.
And then he has heard about all of these failed relationships and then all of a sudden he is wondering what in the world is wrong with YOU as to why you have been married and divorced 5 times. Because YOU are the only common denominator. And then he will probably smile, walk away, and tell you to have a nice night.
What am I getting at?
Everyone has baggage don’t get me wrong but there is a such thing as too much baggage that no good man is going to want to deal with and the above situation is one of those things. If you want a high value man then know that so does every other woman and he is not going to settle for someone with too much drama going on in her life. He doesn’t have to he can just find another woman who does not have all that baggage.
As I said in my book:
If you have too much baggage, then there is no room for anyone else. And, no man wants to sit around and take on all your issues on top of their issues; it is not fair to him. It is not fair for you to pile all of your junk on top of him and give him the sole responsibility for making you happy and fixing all of your nonsense.
How does this apply to you as a high value woman?
Having a whole bunch of baggage and ratchet behind drama in your life spells exactly what it sounds like…ratchet. And being ratchet is the entire opposite of what being a high value woman is.
Case in point:
Before I move on I really could not resist giving you another real-life example I encountered. I was going out with a friend of mine and we met up with her friends (not my friends). One of the friends was a male friend of hers and he had just had a woman from New Jersey move in with him. There she said that she had just moved here, after losing custody of her kids to her mother and that she would be going back next weekend for her court hearing and CPS investigation. AND then as she begins drinking she literally had a meltdown in the middle of the restaurant saying that she had mental health problems, should not be drinking, and that she needed her medication. UMMM WHAT!
And you may be saying “okay but she had a man.” Yes but not a high value one, she had one that was just as drama field and dysfunctional as she was. Like attracts like, dysfunction attracts dysfunction.
As a high value woman, it really takes a woman to look at your own life in an OBJECTIVE way and ask yourself if there is anything ratchet about your life that you can fix. If so then fix it and if you can’t then accept your current baggage and don’t create anymore. Because the more baggage you have the more you likely you are to not attract the type of man you are looking for.
#5 Be A Woman Like No Other
When it comes to this whole relationship thing each man wants to feel like he has found the BEST possible woman to settle down with just like each woman wants to feel that she has found the BEST possible man to settle down with. He does not want to feel like he can just find two, three, or four other women that are just like you. Take the following Bible verse:
Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. Esther 2:17
The king is a high value man. He literally could have any and every woman that he wanted and did. Because he had all the young women rounded up to compete to become queen. AND the king literally had sex with each woman and then he sent them away. The only way that they could even return back to him is if he called them by name and I am sure that he did not remember most of them anyway and therefore they NEVER got called back before the king. Because vagina is just vagina and since when can a vagina REALLY make you stand out and win over a man. It can’t.
I know that these may seem like a lot BUT in reality, the biggest lesson that you should know is that being a high value woman is never a onetime thing. It means that you are always changing, improving, and being your absolute best. The high you go in your life the better man you attract in your life as well.
In this day and age we used the word “high value woman” but really as you can see becoming a high value woman is really a woman that the Bible speaks of. The Proverbs 31 woman AKA the virtuous women, I mean literally if you read it, it tells you how to become the type of woman that all men want to be with. Click here to read the full Proverbs verse as I recommend any high value woman should.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31: 10-11
As a Christian, you should honor God with your body especially when it comes to what you eat. There is Bible verse upon Bible verse about being healthy some of which I am going to give to you through this post. I am going to answer the question “what does the Bible say about eating healthy?” AND tell you what Biblical healthy eating entails as in what you should eat and what you should stay away from. And last but not least to get you to understand why watching what you put into your body is a way to honor God with your body and putting any and everything in your body is a way to dishonor God with your body.
And don’t worry, I am not some skinny mini here to tell you how you need to lose weight. In fact, I do not even think skinny automatically equals healthy because you can be anorexic, skinny, and still be unhealthy. BUT, I am a person who gained a lot of weight (as in 60 pounds) and also lost it, I know the struggles about healthy eating, what it feels like when you are not healthy, and the struggle it takes to turn away old eating patterns and turn to new ones.
I am about to tell you some of the same information that God specifically spoke to me about. And that is to honor God with your body including what you put into it. I came to this realization in which I had my own come to Jesus moment myself when talking to God about my own diet.
Once, as I was praying to God about not eating a cookie, I asked God why He had to make all the good things bad for you. As soon as I ask it, God revealed something to me. God told me that the things that he created were the things that we see growing out of the ground. The fruits, vegetables, and animals. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God created processed sugar and all this stuff that we eat and is bad for us.
Those are all man-made things. Am I saying that you can never have sugar? NO, I am not. But to eat bad foods to excess, consume sugar to excess, and drink alcohol to excess will just wear your body down. And it is not what God wants for us or our bodies.
Now I know that you may be thinking that I am being a bit extreme. But you do not just have to take my word for it. I don’t expect you to. If you are a reader of my blog then you should know I am not just going to pull things out of the sky and say they are Biblical. But instead, I am going to tell you exactly what the Bible says about eating healthy by giving you EXACT quotes from scripture. That way, there is no doubt in your mind about what God has to say on the matter. You ready, let’s get into it.
What does the bible say about eating healthy?
The following Bible verses are going to give you examples of Biblical healthy eating so that you can understand what God’s intention is for us on what we should and should not eat.
The first example of Biblical eating I am going to give you is the story of Daniel. And his eating habits became famously known as the Daniel diet (click here to read more) to get the full context of why Daniel’s eating habits are so popular. So much so they have cookbooks after this Bible verse. See my picks below.
#1 Bible verses about taking care of your body
“But Daniel said to the overseer whom the commander of the officials had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, ‘Please test your servants for ten days, and let us be given some vegetables to eat and water to drink.’ Then let our appearance be observed in your presence and the appearance of the youths who are eating the king’s choice food; and deal with your servants according to what you see” Daniel 1:11-13
What this Bible verse is telling you about being healthy
As we know fruits and vegetables are healthy to eat. Isn’t it amazing that even thousands upon thousands of years ago that even God knew what everyone else didn’t? Even when there was no modern science to tell us that. See how accurate the Bible can be? This verse speaks to the importance of eating fruits, veggies, and drinking water and how that contributes to your overall health as seen in the next verse.
#2 Bible verses about taking care of your body
“At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. So the guard took away their choice food and the wine they were to drink and gave them vegetables instead.” Daniel 1:15-16
What this Bible verse is telling you about being healthy
This Bible verse is just a continuation from the above verse telling you that drinking water, eating fruits and veggies, AND abstaining from alcohol and improve your overall health AND appearance. I am not saying that this has to be your new way of life, because it was not Daniel’s new way of life. But I am saying that you should be incorporating these food items regularly into your diet.
#3 Bible verses about taking care of your body
Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat. Proverbs 23:20
Before you lose it thinking that God does not want you to eat meat or drink alcohol that is not true because as we know Jesus drink wine and He ate meat. There are very specific words in this verse that you need to pay attention to. “Drunkards” and “gluttonous.”
Drunkard is defined as a person who is habitually drunk. This means that having an occasional drink is fine, but being an alcoholic is works of the flesh (click my blog here), an addiction, and something that can have detrimental effects to your health, your brain, your liver, your heart, and other PERMANENT long term effects on your body. So you can drink, but do not overindulge and be a drunkard.
Gluttonous is defined as excessively greedy. That means people who overly eat just because. If you are eating and you are full then that should be it. Make a practice of that. Do not just continue to eat and eat and eat, just because when you are not really hungry.
Case in point:
I actually used to work with a client on some of her health goals. She was extremely overweight and had so many health problems. And I mean I get it, I have been overweight too. Losing weight is easier said than done. But as far as my friend, she would go to the local buffet in between the lunch and dinner time, that way she could get two meals at once. And then she would stay there for hours. Eating to the maximum, feeling full, sitting there until she gets a little bit more room, and then eating again until the places closed. That is being gluttonous.
At this point the food is no longer nourishing your body, you have probably consumed all the calories you need for the day, and instead of leaving the restaurant you just sit there and eat and eat and eat even past the point of feeling full. Past the point of nutrition, you are just eating to gain weight at this point and that is NOT what God wants us to do. This type of behavior is also works of the flesh and shows a lack of self-control.
How To Honor God With Your Body & What You Eat
#4 Bible Verse about being healthy
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
Remember your body is a temple with the spirit of God living in it. Do you want to poison it by putting a lot of drugs, alcohol, and bad food into your system? Whatever you put in your body should be to the glory of God and to nourish your body, not to cause permanent damage to it.
As a Christian, the Holy Spirit resides in you and you should not want to make it a toxic place for God’s spirit to live in. So when you eat and when you drink, choose to honor God and His spirit by being careful with what you put into your body. Which brings me to the next verse:
#5 Bible Verse About Being Healthy
Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Think of it this way, if you were pregnant with a child then I hope you would NOT put drugs inside your body, start smoking and drinking a bunch of alcohol. Because that type of “food” is not nourishing your body and it is toxic for your child. In the same way, overindulging in bad food habits is toxic for the Holy Spirit living in you and it is also toxic for your body.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” Romans 12:1-2
In Biblical times, when someone sacrificed an animal, it could NOT be some low-budget looking animal that had matted fur and was about to die anyway. The animal to be sacrificed had to be the best of the best. It had to have a pleasing appearance and be without blemish (Numbers 6:14).
So since you are offering up yourself to God, you need to look the same way. Do not offer some strung-out version of yourself before God. Be a living sacrifice to God. When people look at you, they should see that you look so happy, healthy, and so well taken care of that they want some of what you got.
From whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Ephesians 4:16
More than anything understand that God created every part of you. He created it in such a way that everything works together to keep you functioning as a whole. When you engage in unhealthy eating then know that you can compromise the working of your own body. Going against God’s handy work and destroy the body God worked so hard to create and get to function.
I know that eating healthy can be hard because we really want to eat things that are bad for us. But as you can clearly see that God wants us to eat healthily, God wants us to honor Him through how we treat our body, and God wants us to exercise some self-control when it comes to overindulging in food and the types of foods He wants us to eat. Just because you can, does not mean you should.
In this post, I am going to give you the ultimate resource guide for Bible verses on confidence. The following Bible verses contain all that you need in order to become a confident Christian woman in basically all areas that women tend to lack confidence in.
I mean let’s be real, sometimes you may struggle with self-esteem issues, self-doubt regarding your abilities or your purpose, you may even not see the value in yourself or why on Earth you were created. You may hate the way you look, you may not be confident in the decisions you make, you may not be assertive and you may not even be confident in dealing with other people. No matter if you are dealing with one of these are all of these, I got you covered with these amazing Bible verses on confidence that will turn you into a confident Christian woman in no time.
Now before we get into the verses, in order for these verses to really work you actually have to say them, on a continual basis, AND believe them. Don’t just say them once, never read them again, and wonder why you are still lacking confidence. It requires faith, action, and belief. I am a huge fan of speaking things into existence, which you can see my by Christian Manifestation Guide which you can click here to learn more about or watch the trailer below.
The Ultimate Law of Attraction and Christianity Manifestation Guide - YouTube
So that is enough talking and let’s get into the 30 Bible Verses for Christian Women Who Struggle Confidence
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~ If you are struggling with being Confidence in who you are.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well Psalm 139:13-14
What this verse does: It helps you understand that you are here on purpose, you were created the way you were meant to be created on purpose, no matter how odd or weird other people think you are, that is not a surprised to God. In fact, He intentionally made you this way.
Bible verse #2:
For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
What this verse does: Remember, God did not put you on this Earth to just shrink down your existence and to be ashamed of who you are. He wants you to be confident in who you are and who he made you to be.
Bible verse #3:
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25
What this verse does: It helps you remember that instead of feeling insecure put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and project strength and dignity instead of your insecurities.
Bible verse #4:
And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this? Esther. 4:14
If Esther was never an orphan living with her uncle, then she may have not been in the position to be queen (Esther 1:7). If Vashti had never disobeyed the king and got sent away, then he would have never found Esther (Esther 1 and 2). There are too many coincidences from the book of Esther for me to believe that they are just coincidences. I believe everything that happened to Esther was all God-ordained not only so that Esther could be queen, but also so that she can save the Jews. And so Esther was made for a time such as this.
Just remember God orders yourself even if you don’t see who, what, where, when, or why right now.
Bible verse #5:
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
What this verse does: Remember that you are a part of God’s family and therefore you are royalty, and people who are from a royal blood line need to be confident in who they are and what they are about.
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~ If you lack confidence in your own abilities.
You may need these Bible verses if you think that you are not good enough, feel like you won’t amount to anything, or if you just feel like you don’t have anything good to offer.
Bible Verse #6:
And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, He also glorified. Romans 8:30
What this verse does: Meaning that you are here for a reason and you are predestined to walk this Earth. If God sees fit to have you on this Earth, then He also sees fit to glorify you when you are on it.
Bible verse #7:
The LORD will work out his plans for my life— for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me. Psalm 138:8
What this verse does: Believe that you are here for a reason and that God does have a purpose for you. He made you exactly the way you are and He plans to use your own gifts and abilities for your good and His.
Bible verse #8:
To one He gave five talents, to another, two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey. Matthew 25:15
What this verse does: It helps you remember not to compare yourself to anyone else because you are not them. Instead, focus only on yourself, and know that the talents God gave you are according to how He wants you to use them.
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Bible verse #10:
Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. Hebrews 10:35-36
What this verse does: This verse reminds you to keep your confidence so that you can get the rewards that God has promised. And when you lack confidence you are not allowing God to work in your life and you will continue to live under what you are capable of.
Bible verse #11:
For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
What this verse does: Even when it seems like you don’t have a point, purpose, or gifts; you do. God is always working behind the scenes to make things work out for you. So don’t get discouraged.
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~What to do if you are not confidence in your looks?
Read these Bible verses on confidence if you are insecure about your appearance, your body type, how you look, or if you do not feel or believe you are attractive.
Bible verse #12:
You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way. Song of Solomon 4:7
What this verse does: Tells you that you are beautiful because you are. There is NO one standard of beauty. No matter what the main stream media or even social media says. Believe that you are beautiful in your own way.
Bible verse #13:
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14
What this verse does: It reminds you that God made you the way you are, exactly the way you are for a reason. He did not hesitate or think twice. And what you may see as flaws God sees as your blessings.
Bible verse #14:
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
What this verse does: It helps you remember that you are God’s masterpiece and remind you that is exactly how you should see yourself and behave.
Bible verse #15:
It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful. No, your beauty should come from inside you –the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That beauty will never disappear and it is worth very much to God. 1 Peter 3:3-4
What this verse does: Remember that your looks are always changing and will not be the same forever. Instead of focusing so much on trying to validate yourself through your outward appearance, focus on your inner beauty.
Bible verse #16:
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
What this verse does: A woman can have all the charm in the world and she can be the most beautiful woman in the world and still NOT be about anything or have real substance to offer. But a woman who fears the Lord, she has EVERYTHING to offer. Be that woman.
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~ What If you are not confidence in your decisions?
Often time’s people who lack confidence are indecisive in their decision making. Because they do not trust themselves to make the right decision. If this is you then the following Bible verses can help.
Bible verse #17:
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
What this verse does: Be confident in the decisions that you make as long as you know that the decisions you made are reasonable ones. When in doubt, just ask God for guidance.
Bible verse #18:
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
What this verse tells you: Even if you make a bad decision God is only going to let you go but so far. Instead of lacking confidence, make the decision, and trust that God will work out whatever decision you make for your good.
Bible verse #19:
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil. Matthew 5:37
What this verse does: Just make a decision and don’t waiver. Continuing to be indecisive, lacking confidence in your decisions, and being confused about what you should is just the devil playing with your head.
Bible verse #20:
Follow the pattern of the sound words that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 1:13
What this verse does: Whenever you lack the confidence to make a decision, ask yourself “What would Jesus do?” Make a decision based on that and you cannot go wrong.
Bible verse #21:
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9
What this verse does: Remember that the Lord guides your steps. So do not be afraid of making a decision because even if you make a bad one, God will find a way to get you back on track.
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~ When you lack the confidence in your overall life
If you are the type of woman that is afraid to live life, afraid to go after what she wants, afraid to take a new job, go to school, or to make decisions and so you just sit there in the same spot, not improving then these verses are for you.
Bible verse #22:
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
What this verse does: It helps you remember that God won’t start something that he cannot finish. So if you step out on faith regarding your life then God has no choice but to see it to completion.
Bible verse 23:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
What this verse does: Remember, you are never alone and it is not God’s way to have you walking around all cowardly but to be strong and courageous and that is how you should act.
Bible verse 24: Click here to shop my style (similar)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
What this verse does: Encourages you to live your life to the fullest and in abundance because that is God’s will for your life. And anything outside of that (including doubt) is not God’s will for your life and is just the devil messing with your head to get you to live under what you are worth.
Bible verse 25:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
What this verse does: Chose to live your life to the fullest and be happy for today. Being too fearful about life when always have you in a state of worry and never in a state of enjoying the life you have.
Bible verse 26:
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matthew 6:27
What this verse does: When people do not have confidence about living their best life, it often stems from worry or fear that things will not work out. But remember, worrying and fear will bring no enrichment to your life. It won’t help you live it nor will it make your life longer.
Bible verses on Building Confidence ~ When you don’t have confidence to deal with other people.
If you lack confidence when dealing with others, talking to others, standing up for yourself, or worrying too much about what other people have to say about you then the following Bible verses on confidence is for you.
Bible verse 27:
So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me? Hebrews 13:6
Bible verse 28:
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
Bible verse 29:
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me Psalm 118:6
Bible verse 30: But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. 1 Thessalonians 2:4
What these verses mean: All these verses really say the same thing and that means that you do not need to put so much worry and concern in people, because people have no authority over you. They are just regular people regardless of their title or their status on this Earth. In my Single Mom’s devotional (click here to buy) I gave the following advice:
Even when Jesus was being put on trial and the determination was being made to crucify Him:
“Pilate said to Him, ‘Do you refuse to speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?’” John 19:10 “Jesus answered, ‘You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above.’” John 19:11
In the end, no one has authority over you. If someone is doing something to you, know that it is because God is allowing it. Even with Pilate, though he thought he had authority over Jesus, the real plan was for Jesus to be crucified so that He could serve as a savior for you and me. In the end, Pilate had control over nothing and God had control over everything.
So the next time you get overwhelmed, upset, or distraught about what people have said about you or you want to believe that you are what people say you are, remember what God says about you. God does not make mistakes. You are here for a reason, He has plans for you, and He loves you. Nothing that people say about you, what you have done in the past, or how people judge you is going to change that.
I hoped you found these Bible verses on confidence encouraging and as a to help you in building up your confidence in whatever areas you lack confidence in. If you know a fellow Christian confident woman in the making then go ahead and share this post with her.
There is one thing that I really look for in a foundation and having a cheap full coverage foundation is one of those things. This actually shocks people because for some reason people love to spend a whole lot of money on foundation feeling that the more expensive it is the better. I know may be in the minority on this because so many people think that cheap foundations or drug store foundations will make your skin fall off of something.
Which is so far from the truth. Many of them are non-allergic, vegan, and dermatology tested. Many foundations offer the same benefits as the more expensive ones and the only difference is the cost. I opt for drug store foundation over the more expensive brands and I can assure you that my skin is fully intact. AND I always get compliments on my makeup so it’s not like someone is coming to me and telling me how cheap it looks. Most people won’t notice and won’t care, the only difference is in your pockets.
Let’s be real do you really want to buy a $40 and up foundation? I mean some people do, but for those who want to save money and still have flawless full coverage foundation then I am telling you that these drugstore foundations are the way to go. Tested approved by me.
So you ready to get into the 10 most the most affordable and best foundation for full coverage? (Post contains affiliate links)
This foundation is lightweight, it refines your pores, and can be used for normal to oily skin. It also has a matte finish which I love because my skin is oily and a matte finish keeps my face from looking like a grease ball. This foundation not only controls shine but also blurs the pours to give your skin that look of perfection. And for those with sensitive skin, it is dermatologist tested and allergy tested.
This drugstore foundation makes the best of the best foundation for coverage because it is a true match foundation. Which means it has a lot of shades (45 to be exact) and the blendability really tries to match your actual skin tone. Allowing the makeup to give you a better and more natural look. It is also, formulated with Pro-Vitamin B5 and Vitamin E, Titanium Dioxide Broad Spectrum SPF 17, which basically helps to keep skin looking radiant and healthy. It’s free of oils, fragrances and won’t clog pores. All of this amazingness only cost you a little under $9 through Amazon which you can click here to buy.
Believe it or not, I really think that the LA girl foundations are one of the best foundations for coverage, even over some of the other ones that I have mentioned. One again versatility is everything and it comes with a lot of shades and the finish that it leaves on your skin is amazing. This foundation is even made so that if you want to mix the two of them you can so that you can get an even better match to your skin tone. The PRO coverage high-definition long wear illuminating liquid foundation is ideal for a flawless looking, full coverage finish. It is a lightweight formula is comfortable for all-day wear. And the paraben-free formula with added anti-oxidants helps hydrate and improve the skin’s appearance. Get this foundation on Amazon for $7 (click here). And if you want to see me use this foundation just so you can see what a flawless finish it gives you, then check out my makeup tutorial below.
Beginner Friendly ~ Everyday Makeup Tutorial For Black women - YouTube
This is a foundation that I mentioned on my “makeup for acne prone skin” blog. This is one of the best foundations for full coverage because for those who have acne prone skin this can help it over hurting it. And you will get no judgment here because I am one of those people. I suffer from acne prone skin and when I have a breakout I want to wear foundation not to stay away from it. Which is why I love this particular foundation because it has salicylic acid in it and it fights acne while the foundation is on your face. So even if you are having a few blemish problems you can use this and won’t have to worry about your condition getting worst. The downside to this foundation is it is not really versatile when it comes to the color of the foundation especially if you need a darker shade you are probably going to run into some issues finding it. Either way, if you have problematic skin or skin that is prone to acne then this is a great full coverage foundation to use and retails on Amazon for $12.00 (click here).
NYX is one of my favorite makeup brands in general because of their variety of makeup items, the quality of their products, and the fact that they are affordable which is why they make the cheap full coverage foundation list. This foundation is long wearing, has 45 shades to choose from, and it keeps your skin looking matte and flawless all day. The best thing is that it also provides buildable coverage and wears for up to 24 hours. Which means that you can have as much or as least amount of coverage as you want. Another plus is that it is waterproof, vegan, and you can get this foundation from Amazon for about $15 (click here).
ELF is also a makeup brand that has moved up in the world. Known for their affordability and their many makeup products. It is a cheap and quality brand that I personally enjoy. Which is why ELF made #6 on the list of best and most affordable foundations for full coverage. Having 40 tones to choose from, it’s lightweight, oil-free, gives a semi-matte finish, last all days, and soaks into your skin to give you a more natural foundation look. And this foundation only retails for $6 click here. I KNOW RIGHT!
I love this foundation and use it probably more than any of the other foundations on the list. BUT the foundation is very limited in its color because it is more geared toward dark skin and women of color. BUT let me tell you why I just love this foundation. Because it literally has 8 different functions, serving as a base, foundation, concealer, moisturizer, brightening, oil control, skin regeneration, and pore tightening. AND wearing this foundation will actually improve your skin. With this multi-functional and high-performance beauty balm enriched with powerful brightening and youth-infused properties, you will save time with just one easy step. It naturally covers and conceals any imperfections, nourishes the skin with Vitamin B and E, and brightens your face by correcting uneven skin tone after continual use. On Amazon, it retails for about $8 (Click here).
When you think of Burt’s Bess I bet the last thought that came to your head was foundation. I am not sure how long it has been happening but I walked into the drug store one day and saw they had a full makeup line. When I tried the foundation I was actually amazed and how nice it felt, how smooth it went on, and how it provided full coverage in such a natural way. And it does not look heavy, cakey, or greasy. Since Burt’s Bees normally has this whole “all natural” thing going on, it has ingredients such as Meadowfoam Seed Oil, known for its moisturizing benefit, this foundation hides imperfections while it nourishes skin and there are 18 shades to choose from. Get a bottles from Amazon for $16 (click here).
Offered in 43 amazing shades you are bound to find your color in this foundation and the reason why it is called color stay is that it last over 24 hours. I know this is always helpful for me, because after work, I may want to go to happy hour, to the grocery store, or on a date or something; and then by the time I do all of that with some foundations I would be looking like a hot oily mess with makeup dripping down my face. Which is why the Revlon foundations are chosen for the best foundation for coverage, because not only does it provide medium to full coverage but it will hold up throughout the day. Delivering a flawless matte finish and is oil free. And it retails for only $10 on Amazon (click here).
The last of the best full coverage foundations that are super affordable is the Milani foundations that are a 2 in one. It is a concealer and a foundation which combats under eye circles, redness and other skin imperfections. This foundation is also water resistance, lightweight, and will provide full coverage all day long with 29 shades to choose from. Retailing for about $10 click here to buy.
And there you have it, a comprehensive list of cheap full coverage foundations options that I know you are going to love. AND if you notice most of them are under $10. The moral of this story is that if you just don’t have the time, money, or just simply don’t want to spend money on the more expensive brands, there is no shame in drugstore foundations. And when you wear them I promise you that most people cannot even tell the difference.