I hear this a lot from the Sexy Confidence community: so many women feel like they’re surrounded by commitment-phobic men and that they keep attracting them. This tends to be their #1 frustration with the 21st-century dating scene.
Is it you? Are you doing something wrong that draws these commitment-phobic men?
3 Signs He Loves You But Is Scared of Commitment - YouTube
Let me just start out by saying absolutely not. You are not doing anything wrong. Yes, there seems to be an epidemic when it comes to men who are afraid of commitment, but with a little insight, you can learn how to spot them early and deal with them quickly.
3 Reasons You Might Be Attracting Commitment-Phobic Men
Do men seem to run from you? That’s their problem, not yours.
So while you’re not doing anything wrong, you do need to look at what could be an underlying cause for you attracting commitment-phobic men who don’t want a relationship.
1. You’re Not Actually Ready for a Relationship
I know a lot of women say they want a relationship, but the reality is that they aren’t ready for one. Maybe they want companionship but aren’t willing to change anything about their lifestyle to make room for one. Does that describe you? Can you see sharing your life with someone, or are you more attached to the idea of going on dates or just having sex?
If you’re not really ready to commit deep down, you will attract men who aren’t ready for commitment. On the other hand, if you’re fully ready to share your world with someone, you will attract a man who can do the same for you.
2. You’re Looking in the Wrong Places
I feel like this should be a little obvious but: Tinder is not the place to meet a boyfriend. A bar is not the place to meet a man who will commit. Where you look for love will greatly impact your ability to find it.
(And yes, I know some couples do meet on Tinder or in a bar, but the likelihood is pretty small. There are better avenues.)
If you’re frustrated because you keep meeting men who just want to hook up, consider where you’re meeting them. Then change the scene. Find a singles meetup group. Smile at the guy in the coffee shop. Change up where you look, and you’ll get different results.
3. You’re Stuck in a Rut
Maybe you dated a commitment-phobe biker a few years ago, and now it seems like commitment-phobe bikers are all you date. Probably you became a part of that community, so your access to men outside of that circle is fairly limited. You’re in a rut.
It’s time to get out of your comfort zone. Meet men in other groups. Maybe don’t ask Biker Bob to set you up with a friend. It’s within your power to mix things up to make changes in your love life.
1. He’s Never Been Married or Had a Long Relationship
I encourage women to ask a man they’re dating pretty early on whether he’s ever been married or had a long relationship. The answer to this is quite telling, actually. If his longest relationship was three months, you’ve got to wonder why. Sure, maybe he just hasn’t met The One, but if he’s in his 40s or 50s, he’s had ample opportunity to give a relationship (or three) a chance for more than a few months.
Certainly, he doesn’t have to have been married to be able to commit. But he should have at least a reasonable relationship history that shows you that he’s able to commit to a woman.
2. He Says He’s Just Looking for Something Casual
Again, another obvious sign of commitment-phobic men: they tell you they don’t want to commit! I don’t care how much you dig this guy: if he tells you he wants something casual, you will never turn him into boyfriend material.
I know you might have difficulty separating emotions from a physical relationship, but men are able to sort of shut off emotions if they’re not looking for a relationship. Maybe he’s about to move out of state and doesn’t want to get tied down with a relationship. Maybe he got burned in the recent past by love. But he still wants sex or at least companionship, so he says he wants to “keep things light.”
Listen to him! He means it. If you’re okay with things never escalating beyond casual, then fine. But if you’re lying to yourself, hoping that he’ll fall madly in love with you, you are in for heartbreak.
3. He Never Talks About the Future
Ask yourself: has this guy ever made plans more than a week or two out? Does he talk about the far-off future, like when you’re married or when you have kids together? If you’ve been dating more than a month or two and he’s not doing any of that, there’s a good chance it’s because he doesn’t see a future with you. Sure, maybe he’s slow to fall in love, but you have to realize that you may be the only one making plans in your head about the two of you down the road.
What does he do or say when you bring up the future? If you were to try to make plans in a month or two, would he agree or come up with an excuse about why he can’t do it? When you talk about being together years from now, what’s his reaction? Pay attention, because his reaction is probably telling you more than you’re willing to admit about his interest in committing to you.
4. He is Dating Other Women
He may not flat out tell you that he’s seeing other women, but assume that if he’s not committed to you, he’s dating other women. How do you know?
Does he often have other plans but is vague when you ask for details?
Does he cancel plans with you often?
Do you have trouble reaching him in the evenings?
Does he only seem to want to have sex?
If you feel like he’s using you as part of his rotation of women, you’re probably right. You can confront him and flat out ask him if he’s dating other women, but be prepared that he might lie because he still wants you on his roster.
5. He Runs Hot Then Cold
One minute he’s calling you baby and only has eyes for you…the next you don’t see him for a week or three. If he seems to be all hot for you then suddenly goes cold, it could be because he’s one of these commitment-phobic men. He likes you…but he’s afraid of spending too much time with you lest you fall for him and then he has to deal with his fear of being in a relationship. And he knows you’ll probably walk away if it comes to that because you are strong and confident, and he knows that type of woman won’t put up with his sh#& for long. So he goes in and out of your life, hoping you won’t notice.
What to Do When Dating Commitment-Phobic Men
Okay, so now you realize the guy you’re dating is totally afraid of commitment. Now what? Do you hold out with the hope that he’ll change? Dump him without discussing? It will, of course, depend on your personality and his, but here are a few tips I’ve seen work in my many years working as a dating and relationship coach.
Let Him Know Up Front What You Want
The best way to avoid ending up in a frustrating situation with a man who will never commit is to be upfront about what you want. This even means on your dating profile: you’ll often see profiles for both men and women that say “looking for LTR” or “just looking for a hookup.” I actually applaud this because it sets expectations right from the start. If a man wants something casual, he should be responsible enough to not swipe right on a woman’s profile that makes it clear that she wants a relationship. What’s the point? He won’t change your mind about what you want any more than you will change his.
Likewise, when you’re sifting through men’s profiles, disqualify them right away if they make it clear they don’t want a relationship. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble later.
But if you are dating someone, it never hurts to ask what he’s looking for early on. Some men get uncomfortable with the question, thinking you’re looking for your next husband (these are usually the commitment-phobic men), but simply saying “something of substance” versus “something casual” is all you need to know. Make it clear that you’re looking for the former.
Be Patient…If You Think There’s Potential
Not every man who hasn’t professed his love for you by Month Two is a commitment-phobe. Some men just prefer to go really slowly getting to know a woman and start a relationship with her. If you’ve talked to him and he says he wants a relationship, give it time. He knows what you want and has agreed that he wants the same. So you need to be patient and let the relationship unfold.
But here’s my caveat: set a time limit for how long you’ll wait around. If he says he isn’t ready for you to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, ask how long before he thinks he will be (and why he isn’t ready). If he gives a reasonable timeframe, okay. If he stutters and doesn’t know, he’s probably putting you off. If he doesn’t seem to be moving in the general direction of commitment within a few months, realize that he never will.
Keep Dating Other Men
I really urge you to keep your options open while you’re dating this guy. I would hate for you to miss out on an opportunity with another man who is ready and willing to commit to you because you’re wasting time on this one.
While you might assume that men are more likely to date more than one person at a time, the converse is actually true. In Match.com’s Singles in America Study, researchers discovered that 69% of women versus 51% of men had dated multiple people at once. So even if this is something new for you, give it a try. You’ll invest less energy into the man who will never commit to you and open yourself up to other possibilities romantically.
Don’t Try to Make Him into Something He’s Not Ever Going to Be
I know you like this guy. I know you want to see potential in him.
“If I just give it time [more than you should]…”
“If I give him sex more…”
“If I dress sexier…”
“Once he’s finished with [insert project here]..”
You can think of a zillion little excuses as to why he’s not ready to commit right now, but why he will be later. But the cold, hard truth is: if he’s not ready now, he won’t be. At least with you. Sometimes I hear from women who say they dated a commitment-phobic man and once they broke up, he married the very next woman. That does not mean that if you’d stayed with him, you would have married him! It means that he realized before you that the two of you weren’t supposed to be together. At least respect him for not trying to force the relationship when it wasn’t right.
You shouldn’t be offended by the idea that he could commit to someone other than you. There’s at least one reason (probably many more) why you and this guy aren’t destined for one another, but you want it to be right, so you’re trying to force it. Trust me: you will find a man that is 1,000% more right for you…once you let this one go.
So you’re ready to admit that you’re dating a commitment-phobe and maybe have dated others in the past. And you’re ready to change the script.
First, you have to clearly define what you’re looking for. If you’re ready to dive into a loving relationship that will last the rest of your life, don’t be afraid to declare that (okay, maybe not from a mountaintop or anything. Maybe just write it in your journal.). Stop settling for guys who are ambiguous about what they want and start looking for men who are just as excited to start a life with someone they can fall in love with. They’re out there. Trust me.
Are you now or have you ever dated a guy who was scared of commitment? Share your story in the comments below.
Did you know that you have superpowers in your relationship? Even if he’s wishy-washy about committing right now, you have it within your ability to change his mind. Click here to learn how to make him miss you and commit to ONLY you.
Now, I need to get real with you for a minute: the guy you’re “talking to” and texting is likely texting three or four other women right now. In this video and article about the five hottest texts to send a guy, I’m going to show you how to make him reduce that list to one: you!
5 Hottest 🔥Texts to Send a Guy (Guaranteed to Make His Heart Melt) - YouTube
Before we go into the list of the hottest texts to send a guy, let me just say that right now, you should also be texting other guys…because you’re an empowered, sexy, single lady and you don’t commit to a guy unless he’s committed to you.
P.S. In my Love Texting Report, I give you three texts you can copy and paste to hook a guy. Get your hands on it now!
It’s tough out there in the dating world. You think you’re the only woman a man is talking to…until you find out otherwise. If it’s been a while since you last dated, you may be completely offended by the fact that a man would dare text multiple women at once. Unfortunately, that’s kind of how dating goes.
This does create a bit of a problem when you really like a guy: how do you separate yourself from those other women? How do you get him to commit to you and only you?
It starts by making yourself irresistible to this man. Showing him that he shouldn’t waste his time talking to anyone else because you are the only woman for him!
And you can do that with the following five hottest texts to send a guy.
These 5 Hottest Texts to Send a Guy Will Get His Attention Big Time
Think about it: maybe you’re a member of the Grammar Police, and whenever you’ve talked to a guy who had a ton of misspelled words in his texts, not only were you turned off by his texts, but also it ultimately didn’t work out. Or maybe this guy checks in with you every morning, which you love. That’s a good sign!
Okay, let’s get into those five hottest texts to send a guy…oh, and at the end of this article I’ll tell you the biggest MISTAKE a woman can make when sending a text. Keep reading so you don’t end up making it!
1. “You smelled so sexy tonight. Please wear that cologne again next time!”
Let him know that the way he smells drives you crazy!
We may have evolved from being apes a long time ago, but smell is still a huge part of attraction between two individuals, like it was eons ago. And cologne is the most appealing scent to women when they’re on a date, according to an OKCupid survey. In the survey, 34% of respondents preferred cologne (or aftershave) as an “olfactory strategy” to be more attractive to them.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: when a woman tells a man that he smells good, that’s almost as powerful as her telling him that she thinks he’s crazy sexy.
I remember after one of our first dates, Jessica sent me this text, and let me tell you: for our next date, I doused myself in that cologne! I probably went a little overboard…but whatever. It worked out!
2. “If you could do anything you wanted to me right now, what would you do?”
This is one of the hottest texts to send a guy because it lets his imagination run wild about what he would do with you.
Hopefully, his response doesn’t get too 50 Shades of Gray on you…but who knows, maybe you’re into that too.
If so…the Red Room of Pain it is!
If not…this may not be the best text to send. It’s definitely steamy and going to open up a can of worms you need to be ready to handle!
I absolutely guarantee: if you send this one of the hottest texts to send a guy, he is 100% going to be picturing you naked. If you’re attracted to this man, anything that can get him picturing you naked is a win.
Why I like this text is that it’s not overtly sexual. It’s actually not sexual at all…but it is sexy. You can totally play it off like you didn’t mean to put the image of you naked in his head…even though you totally did!
4. “If you only you were here right now…”
This is a great text to send to initiate a conversation and build a little bit of mystery at the same time.
His response will be to ask you what you’re doing right now…but don’t tell him. Leave the mystery and build some tension.
5. “I’m just lying in bed with nothing on but a tank top, texting you :)”
This next one of the hottest texts to send a guy is a response to that typical question, “what are you up to?”
He’s probably expecting your answer to be that you’re watching Netflix or out with the girls. So this response will really get him to sit up and take notice.
Playing with the imagery in his mind is a great way to make him want you and get rid of all those other women.
The Biggest Mistake You Can Make When Texting a Man
Save the nude photos for when you’re in a committed relationship.
I promised you this mistake…
You may have already made it. If so, it’s okay, but now you know not to make it again.
Are you ready?
Here it is: the biggest mistake you can make when texting a guy is: sending a guy a naked picture of yourself — especially if you’re not in a committed relationship.
I know a lot of guys out there are going to kill me for giving you this advice…although maybe not as many as you might think. While you might assume that all men want naked pics from women, a surprising number aren’t into them at all.
In a study published in the scientific journal Computers in Human Behavior, researchers found that about half the time, people who sent sexts — those naked photos — had negative experiences.
The bottom line is: if you’re casually dating a guy, if you’re not committed, and you send him naked photos of yourself, he is more than likely showing your photo to his friends. I kid you not. You may want to believe that he’s a nice guy and would never do that…but it’s safer to assume he is showing your photos around. Just don’t send him naked photos and you never have to worry!
Using any or all of these five hottest texts to send a guy is just part of your work to get him to commit. You need to constantly act like the high-value woman that you are so that he knows you won’t settle for anything less than the best, and so he understands that he needs to treat you right 100% of the time.
So now it’s your turn: do you have your own list of the hottest texts to send a guy to get results? Share them with the community in the comments below so they can try them too!
And if you’re stumped for what to text, get plenty of ideas in my Love Texting Report. Copy and paste or make them your own!
You’re ready to give your all to the man you’re seeing, but he’s exhibiting a fear of love that you simply don’t understand.
You have no trouble opening yourself up to him and giving him your love. Why can’t he reciprocate? Are you wasting your time?
16 Causes for His Fear of Love
He doesn’t want to talk about his fear of love.
The fact is: some people have a fear of love. It’s got nothing to do with you, and more than likely comes from past experiences or expectations about what a relationship should look like. The question you have to answer is: is this relationship worth you trying to work through the cause?
The answer to that may depend on how deep his fear of love is, and whether he’s willing to work through it. Here are some reasons he may have a difficult time letting himself fall in love with you…or anyone else.
STOP OVER-ANALYZING MEN, We're Not THAT Complicated - YouTube
1. He’s Been Hurt in the Past
We’ve all been hurt in past relationships, but some people heal their wounds faster than others. Some people are completely traumatized by what past partners did and are unable to get rid of the fear that it will happen again.
He may or may not be willing to open up about past relationships and how he’s been hurt, so don’t be offended if you try to get him to talk about it and he doesn’t want to. If he does open up, listen sympathetically. Appreciate that he keeps reliving something he’s been through in a past relationship and that you can’t fix it. As Ivy Griffin, MA., LMFT, say:
“You can be kind and supportive, but his past isn’t your problem to fix.”
You may be able to suggest that he talks to a therapist if he wants to work through these issues, but he may be completely unwilling. At that point, you have to decide whether you can live with his constant fear that you’ll do the same thing to him as his ex did. It’s a lot to take on in a new relationship, to be honest. But only you know whether you’re up for it or not.
2. He Had a Rocky Childhood
Emotional past trauma isn’t limited to romantic love. What happens to us as children can stay with us indefinitely, particularly if we never address the issue. It can also impact how we attach (or don’t) to people as adults.
The results? Researchers found that in instances of childhood neglect or abuse, the adults grew up with an anxious and/or avoidance attachment style, and were more prone to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
If he was abandoned as a child, he might fear that you’ll leave him, and so be afraid to love you and risk that pain. If he was neglected, he might not know how to love. Again, you can’t change his past experiences or even “fix” him, so be aware that this man will be challenging to love, as he may not be capable of reciprocating that love the same way.
3. He Doesn’t Know How to Be Vulnerable
He has no clue how to let you in.
Your guy may have a fear of love simply because he doesn’t know how to be vulnerable. That may be because he put up his wall after past hurts or because he’s only had casual relationships that didn’t require vulnerability and trust.
Being vulnerable — for both of you — means opening up and sharing everything, both good and bad. This may be challenging for him, but if he’s willing to give it a try, your relationship has hope.
Start slowly. Have conversations that may make him uncomfortable, then ask what’s bringing up those feelings. This will help him understand the fears that arise at the thought of being vulnerable. Once he’s identified the cause of those fears, he can work through them. And be patient! You may wear your heart on your sleeve, but this man may take years to fully open up to you.
4. He’s Not Right for You
Sometimes the problem isn’t so much a fear of love as it is simply the wrong relationship. You may be trying to force it into being “right” simply because you don’t want to be alone anymore. It may take you a while to figure out he’s not The One, but if things aren’t flowing the way they should when two people fall in love, that’s a sign that he’s not right for you.
Ask yourself: do the two of you make sense together? Or are you so completely different (maybe you’re trying to convince yourself that opposites attract)? Are you at the same place in your lives in terms of career, family, and being ready to settle down? All the stars have to align, so even if this guy is great, that doesn’t mean it’s a perfect match.
5. He’s Been Single a Really Long Time
Another reason he might have a fear of love is that he hasn’t had a long-term relationship in a really really really long time. If ever. He’s so unfamiliar with the concept that the prospect of spending forever with you or anyone else makes him break out in hives.
So asking him for love is asking for a lot, at least at first. It may take this guy some time to get used to being with one person and working to have a successful relationship with you. Be patient and try to understand where he’s coming from.
6. He Thinks He’s Unlovable
This may be due to past trauma in his childhood or relationships or just from low self-esteem. He may think he’s unlovable because he put more into past relationships without that interest or love being reciprocated. He may have struggled to find dates in the past. And then you come along, ready to love him…and he doesn’t quite know what to do with that. He may worry that it’s not genuine and that if he opens up, he’ll get hurt again.
Reinforce your feelings as often as possible. Reassure him that your love for him is real, and explain what it is that you love about him. This will help him overcome that fear of love.
7. He Wants to Believe He’s Never Going to Settle Down
Before he started dating you, your dude was the perennial bachelor. He dated a different woman every day. He sees himself as some kind of stud…but his heart is pulling him in another direction.
Basically, he’s going through an identity crisis. He has, up until now, identified as being a wild man, sowing his seeds here and there. But there’s something about you that’s changing this identity for him, and it’s going to take some time for him to accept his new future.
Can you be patient as he works through this? Realize that, as a worst case scenario, he may keep talking to other women just to feel like “he’s still got it.” That can be painful if you’ve already fallen in love with him.
8. He Can’t Stand the Idea That You Might Hurt Him
Some men (and women) are control freaks, and they need to come out on top of every situation, including love. He may have such a fear of losing control if he falls in love and you hurt him, that he’d rather guard his heart than take the risk of that happening.
Now, in reality, this probably won’t happen, but he feels the need to protect himself against every inevitability, so he’d rather feel like he has control than open his heart.
This cause of a fear of love warrants some serious discussion. Get to the root of his control issues. Has he been hurt in the past? Show him that nothing he could have done would have changed the outcome of that situation; in every relationship (except The One), one person hurts the other, or they both get hurt. Trying to control a situation will never change that fact.
Maybe he doesn’t have a fear of love in general, but his relationship with you is complicated. Perhaps one of you isn’t fully divorced, though the papers have been filed. Maybe you live 5,000 miles apart. Whatever the complication, he’s not 100% ready to dive in and deal with it.
This is a tricky one because some people just need more time to figure out what a healthy relationship with the complications looks like, while some people simply can’t stomach the complication. I know plenty of people who are open to a long-distance relationship, while others limit their online dating searches to a 5-mile radius. You both have to be onboard with the obstacle.
Talk about how the challenge is just temporary, and focus on how and when things will look different. If your divorce will be finalized in three months, will he be more open to a relationship with you then? Can he hang on until then? If you live apart, work out a schedule so that you see each other at least once a month. Make it work.
10. He’s Not Ready to Have Your Kids in His Life
While he’s cool with the fact that you have kids from your first marriage, he’s not completely ready to become a stepdad, and so he’s holding back in your relationship. Again, for some people, this is a dealbreaker, while others just need more time.
I encourage you to talk about the fact that you have kids early in dating to get a feel for whether that makes a guy run for the hills or not. If it doesn’t, you’re not out of the woods yet because many guys don’t mind that a woman has kids when he first starts dating her because he’s not looking far down the road. But if things are getting serious, you may be having visions of all of you together as a family…while that idea paralyzes him.
Communication is key here. Discuss his fears as well as boundaries. Were you to move in together, what are your expectations about how he interacts with your kids? Do you want him to discipline them or act more like a friend of the family? It may be that he just doesn’t know what his role would be that keeps him from moving forward with you.
11. He Doesn’t Want to Be Weak
I hate that we have this gender-based identity thing happening in this day and age, where a lot of men feel that showing their emotions makes them weak. That’s absolutely not true! A man who can admit his vulnerabilities to a woman is all the more appealing. Am I right, ladies?
Still, he may have been raised with messages like:
Boys don’t cry.
Men are in charge in a relationship.
Don’t ever be vulnerable.
You can’t undo this messaging; it’s embedded into his brain. But you can teach him that when he opens up to you, he’s rewarded with your love. It will take time (a lot of it), but if you’re patient and understand where he’s coming from, things can work out.
12. He Thinks He Doesn’t Have Time for Love
He’s got time for everything but love.
Your man would be open to loving you the way you want…if only he wasn’t studying for the bar exam, helping his brother move, and taking care of his kids 50% of the time. He says he’s not in a place in his life to be in love.
I call bullsh#%.
Yes, he fully believes that he doesn’t have time for love, but love isn’t a time commitment, like sitting down to binge Breaking Bad. It’s more of a lifestyle. He may even be busying himself to keep from having to open up to you or anyone else.
What can you do? You can try talking to him about it, but ultimately, he has to come to the decision that it’s worth investing time and energy into loving you.
13. He’s Looking for Impossible Perfection
In his head, he’s got this idea of what he thinks love is. Until he finds the perfect woman, the perfect situation, he’s unwilling to let himself fall in love.
Only…this mythical ideal doesn’t exist.
He may have only a few long-term relationships in his past for this very reason: because he’s looking for the impossible.
Maybe his parents divorced when he was young, and so he’s looking for things to be even better so he doesn’t go through the same pain. Or maybe his parents have been together for 50 years, and he sees them as an ideal in which to uphold his relationships. Either way, you need to let him know that love isn’t perfect. It’s incredibly messy, awkward at times…and amazing.
14. He Thinks He Will Have to Work Hard at Love
He hears people say that you have to work at love, and he takes that message to heart. He thinks love will be too much work, and so he avoids it at all cost.
Yes, love does require work, but it doesn’t feel like work when you’re with the right person. What we mean when we say “work” just means that you have to constantly communicate your feelings and needs so that your partner knows how you feel. You have to make sure you don’t take that person for granted. You have to be mindful of how you treat him. That’s not exactly difficult, is it?
15. He’s Afraid Loving You Will Disrupt His Life
This man has his life planned out. He knows exactly where he’s headed with his career. He loves his Thursday night pickup game with the boys. Everything about his life is just as it should be…and then you come along.
He sees you — and possibly falling in love with you — as being a disruption to his life. He thinks everything will change if he lets himself fall for you.
You have to tell him that it won’t change everything. Sure, some things will be different, only better. He can keep his basketball game nights — and in fact, should, because a healthy relationship happens when two people do their own thing, then come together rather than giving up all hobbies and friends for the sake of the relationship.
16. He Thinks It’s Better to Be Alone Than Taking a Risk
There’s a reason we call it “falling in love:” there is some risk to it, like falling off of a cliff. Of course, the outcome is better than falling off a cliff!
Still, depending on his past relationships, he may be afraid to take that risk with you. He’d rather be alone than risk getting hurt. So he might have started dating you assuming it would be short-lived, but now things seem to be getting serious. Will he change his attitude and take the risks that come with love?
What to Do When He Has a Fear of Love
Keep the conversation going.
So your guy is definitely exhibiting signs of having a fear of love. What should you do? Give up? Be patient? It depends.
Accept That He Might Not Be the One
First, you need to assess whether he actually is afraid of love or if you’re just trying to believe that because deep down, you know he’s not Mr. Right. I get that you want this guy to be The One, but accept that this might not be the case. Rather than make excuses about why he’s shy about loving you, deal with the possibility that the two of you might not be right for each other.
Get to the Bottom of the Cause
As you’ve seen in this article, there are many causes for a fear of love. Some can be fixed, while others may be more challenging. By talking to him, you can understand the root cause of his fears and see if he’s willing to work through them.
Encourage Him to See a Therapist to Work Through Issues
I’m a big advocate of therapy for working through issues in a relationship, as well as individually. If he’s willing to talk to a therapist, he may be able to not only learn to love you, but also heal past wounds and live a happier life.
Express Your Own Love
If he’s insecure about how you might feel about him, give him reassurance. Tell him that you love him. Show him. It’s important for him to feel like he has a safe space to land as he slowly opens up to you.
Give it Time
This isn’t going to resolve itself overnight. If you try to push him into being vulnerable sooner than he’s ready, it won’t go well. He’ll feel like a cornered animal and may even end things because you’re validating his fears about opening up to love.
So be patient. Talk to him about where he is in the process and be there for him. When he’s ready, if it’s right, he’ll let go of that fear.
We all want love. Every one of us. Even this man who is so afraid of loving and being loved. It just takes some of us longer than others to feel safe enough to emotionally naked and realize that we’re not going to be hurt.
If your man is worth the effort, give it to him. He’ll come around.
When you’re trying to get a guy’s attention because you’re attracted to him…it’s frustrating, isn’t it?
When you don’t want it, all the creepy guys out there seem to give you their attention…
When you do want it from a guy you actually like, it almost feels like you’re invisible to him.
Are you nodding along? Has this happened to you?
Well, never fear: this isn’t going to be a problem anymore, you sexy, single lady! In this video, I’m going to show you eight simple ways you can get a guy’s attention with little effort.
5 Simple Tricks to Get a Guy's Attention (You Won't BELIEVE #3) - YouTube
Since we’re coming into the holidays, this video is sponsored by Elfster, a Secret Santa gift exchange. You know I very rarely have sponsored links in my content, so you know that if I do, it’s because they’re super awesome, like Elfster. And hey, this site just might end up helping you get his attention, so stay tuned.
P.S. A little flirting never hurt a woman’s chances at getting a guy’s attention. Check out my Flirting Workshop to sharpen your flirting skills today!
You’re smitten. Whether it’s with a guy you’ve known for months as part of your friend group or a man you’re checking out across the bar, there’s someone you really want attention from. Only…you’re not bold and brassy, so you don’t feel comfortable just walking over and introducing yourself, or telling him that you’re into him.
So what can you do?
You know that I’m not here to give you crummy advice about flinging your hair around or getting so drunk he can’t possibly not notice you. I’ve worked with thousands of women to help them meet the right guys, and I can help you learn to get a guy’s attention the right way.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Get a Guy’s Attention
You’re not a teenage girl, so don’t approach a man like one!
Before we dive into seriously easy ways to get a guy’s attention, I want to cover a few common mistakes some women make in trying to do this.
Mistake #1: Attention ≠ Attraction
Just because you’re getting his attention, that doesn’t mean he’ll actually be attracted to you.
It’s fairly easy to get a guy’s attention, but that doesn’t in any way guarantee that he will want to date you. Just something to be aware of. Once you have his attention, you’ll want to really notice what his reaction to you is. Does he smile while listening to every word, or is he busier checking his phone than talking to you? The sharper your observation skills, the less time you waste on the wrong man.
Mistake #2: Being Immature
You see this more in younger women, but believe me: females of every age have been guilty of this mistake.
When you purposefully making him jealous, or worse, have your friend tell his friend that you like him…
…you’re acting like you’re in middle school. You’re not. There are better, high-value ways to get his attention.
Mistake #3: Not Knowing What to Do with His Attention
So you got his attention…now what? If you’re new (again) to the dating game, you may be insecure about flirting or expressing your interest. It will take practice, but you’ve got this!
First, figure out if he’s single, straight, and interested. Usually, within a few minutes of conversation, you can deduce this. Obviously, look for a wedding ring, but also keep an eye out in the room for a potential partner (female or male) who might be headed back to claim her or his mate!
Keep the conversation going once you have his attention, and make it clear that you’re not just being normal friendly (you’re being flirty friendly!).
8 Ways to Get a Man’s Attention
Now that you know the mistakes to avoid, add these simple tips to your flirt plan, and you’ll be on your way to finding Mr. Right.
1. Exude High Energy and Positive Body Language When You’re Around Him
Think about men you’ve been around. Who stands out: the shy wallflower, or the man who’s smiling and talking to everyone in the room? Positive energy and body language are hugely appealing and are guaranteed to get his attention.
In a recent study conducted by speed daters, they discovered that expansive body language (open gestures like arms uncrossed or a smile) was significantly more attractive than closed body language (folded arms, turned away from a person).
I can personally attest to this: when I coached men on how to go out and flirt, I would notice that we would look for women with open body language when we were in a bar. Why? Because it was more likely that they would talk to my clients!
2. Add Him on Social Media
I remember years ago (when I was single), I was at a party with lots of people. When I got home, I saw that a woman I’d talked to that night had added me as a friend on Facebook.
I thought, “Hmm, that’s a good sign!”
It’s a tiny nudge to get the attention of a man you’re interested in…with no serious risk of rejection. He doesn’t know: maybe you friend everyone you meet on Facebook!
But if he is interested, that small act of friending him can result in the two of you messaging back and forth…and who knows? Going out on a date!
So don’t forget to leverage social media — whether that’s Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat — as part of your plan to get a guy’s attention.
3. Get Creative
So as I said at the start of this, Elfster is a Secret Santa Generator where family or friends draw names and anonymously exchange presents.
Here’s the cool thing about Elfster though: you can set it up so that he ends up being your Secret Santa (if he’s in the friend group with you that’s exchanging presents).
This is where it gets sneaky: he’s going to automatically be getting to know you better because he’s trying to buy you a gift. You answer questions on Elfster to help your Secret Santa (the guy you’re into) know your preferences, like favorite color, restaurant, tv show. By the time he’s bought you a gift, he’ll know you better than the last guy you went on one date with!
Alternately, you could set it up so that you’re his Secret Santa…regardless, gifts are being exchanged between you and the guy you have a crush on, which is a great icebreaker for a relationship.
And hey, if his Love Language is “Receiving Gifts,” then you’re in a good place!
4. Flirt with Him
Be flirty and fabulous!
Here’s something interesting: in an effort to understand the concept of flirting, Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, conducted research on flirting techniques used where people go to meet each other, like bars and restaurants. She figured out that it wasn’t necessarily the best-looking people who got approached, but rather the ones who confidently communicated that they were available by flirting.
So even if you don’t think you’re the hottest woman in the room, realize that just signaling your interest in someone gets you halfway there.
5. Break the Touch Barrier
When you’re having a conversation with a man whose attention you want, even the slightest touch will communicate that you want something more than just a friendship or professional relationship. Even a slight touch on his arm or shoulder will get his attention and get him thinking of you in a different (and sexier) light.
In research published in the book Close Relationships, written by Pamela Regan, a psychology professor at California State University, she found that the touches that best communicated romantic attraction were a soft touch to the face, a touch around the shoulder or waist, and a soft touch on the forearm.
6. Pay Attention to the People He’s With
While you might assume that the best way to get a guy’s attention is to focus on him, sometimes focusing on the people around him is a better strategy.
You’re into the hot blond guy at the bar, and he’s there with a friend. You know from personal experience that the friend would probably feel like a third wheel if you ignore him and talk to the blond, so put your attention on the friend first. This does a couple of things: first, it puts the friend at ease, realizing you’re not there to push him out to talk to his hot buddy. And second, it makes for a group interaction. Yes, you’re there to get to know him, but there’s no reason you can’t get to know his friend at the same time. Everyone’s included.
And if you make a good impression on them both, they might buy you a drink or invite you to their next stop on their evening out.
7. Take Note of Something He Says on Social Media
Social media is great for information gathering: you can learn a lot about a person by paying attention to what he posts. From there, if you want to get a guy’s attention, you can either comment on a post he’s written or mention it when you see him if he’s in your social circle.
Let’s say he posts a pic of his soccer team winning a local championship. Now you know he’s into soccer…and is a winner! That’s a great conversation-starter for the next time you see him, and it shows him that you’re taking note of him…so maybe he should do the same of you!
8. Show Off Your Natural Talents
Rock what you’ve got! Let your talents shine.
Sometimes getting a man’s attention is as easy as being yourself. Let’s say you’re interested in someone you met through a professional networking group. You’re pretty great at public speaking, so you volunteer to speak at the next event. He’ll see you as a savvy, confident woman…and who doesn’t want one of those by his side?
Or let’s say you’re at a salsa club and you happen to know your way around a dance floor. Just dance your little heart out with any partner and be sure that he’s paying attention.
Once you get a guy’s attention, regardless of the outcome, you’ll be more confident to do the same in the future. Before long, you’ll be attracting men without even trying to! There’s something that happens when you succeed at getting someone’s attention; you feel good about yourself, and you refine your efforts. You’ll quickly know how to flirt, touch, or say the right thing to make a man take a second look at you from a romantic angle.
So tell me in the comments below: which of these tips to get a guy’s attention have you tried? What were the results? Do you have other suggestions for our Sexy Confidence community?
How to be a High Value Woman (He'll Never Want to Leave) - YouTube
“Adam, how can I learn how to be a high-value woman? I wanna be one!”
Not to worry; we’ll get into exactly how to be a high-value woman in this video and post. In my years of coaching women to find their one true love, I’ve seen the spectrum, from women who thought they were worthless to women who were so confident, they could attract any man. Which do you want to be?
P.S. Learning how to be a high-value woman starts with confidence. If you need a little boost in that department, why not join the Sexy Confidence Club?
Introduction: How to Be a High-Value Woman
You might spend a lot of energy looking at other women and admiring them for their confidence, their poise, or their sophistication. But I’m willing to bet others look at you for exactly the same reasons! It’s easier to see positive qualities in others than in ourselves.
So in reality, I’m not going to be your fairy godfather that waves my magic wand over your head and turns you into something you’re not.
What I am going to do is help you enhance what you’ve already got…those wonderful qualities that maybe you can’t quite see right now.
So the secret to learning how to be a high-value woman? Simply seeing that you already are one! With a few principles to help, you’ll soon see your own worth.
The problem with dating a fantastic guy is that you might feel a little less fantastic yourself. So you have two ways to approach this.
1. You can constantly gush about how awesome he is (his high valueness). This may please him a little at first, but after awhile, he will grow tired of it. And he might see you as less valuable in comparison.
2. You can refuse to be impressed. Of course you’re dating a high-value guy. After all, you’re flipping fabulous, and you should attract a stellar guy.
Bottom line is: the less you acknowledge someone else’s value, the higher your value. If all his accolades are just meh to you (or you at least act like they are), then he’ll perceive you as equally fabulous, if not more.
Here’s an example.
I have another company where I work with wealthy people, and let me tell you: they’re always trying to impress me with their money. Flashing their fancy cars, their Black Amex cards, they let me know that they think they have high value because of their eight-figure salaries.
What do I do? I treat them the same as if they were some Joe Shmoe. I refuse to give them higher status by treating them as better than me. So what does that do? It elevates my value.
The best way to impress a rich person? Don’t be impressed by their money.
If you’re seeing an attractive guy, treat him like you would if he looked like the guy from high school that never had a date, not some Adonis. He’ll wonder who else you’ve dated to not be impressed by what most women are.
Principle 2: Don’t Try to Flaunt Your Value
The moment you bust out your Instagram account to show off that you have 200,000 followers…
…tell him you’re “kinda a big deal in my industry…”
…or tell him you have three dates this week, is the moment you’re giving away your value to him because you’re seeking his validation. You want his approval. You want to impress him.
But that’s not the way to succeed at how to be a high-value woman. A high-value woman doesn’t shout out her accolades. He finds out how successful she is anyway, without her saying a word about it. If you have 200,000 Instagram followers, trust me, he’ll find out, because he’ll be creeping on your profile.
I know you’ve done amazing things. I know you have a super cool circle of friends. Just don’t make a point of letting him know that. Let him find out on his own.
Principle 3: Remain a Mystery to Him
Be a little mysterious to keep him wanting more.
Telling him your whole life story on a first date is not high-value. In fact, it shows that you’re trying to make him like you.
I get it; a lot of women simply open up easily. They’re ready to tell a guy everything from the story about breaking their leg at age two to why they got divorced.
But my advice is: be like an onion, a sexy onion (work with me here). He needs to peel back the layers gradually to get to know what you’re really about. Give him a layer here and there when he asks for it, but let the rest be shrouded in mystery.
The same goes for your social life. If he asks you out for Friday and you’re planning pedis and face masks with the girls, he doesn’t need to know that. Simply tell him you have plans. Let him wonder what you’re doing.
Principle 4: Remember, You Don’t Need a Man to Complete Your Life
You don’t need a man, you just want a relationship to supplement your already kickass life.
A man should be a nice addition to your world. He should not complete you (damn you, Jerry Maguire).
If you are living a full life with activities and people you enjoy, then you won’t be desperate to pair up and find a boyfriend. When you meet a great guy, he’ll get that about you if you’re not always available and over-eager to talk to him.
So even if inside, you’re gushing over this man, reserve a little time for you and the things you love to do. After all, you’ll still have your friends and interests down the road…the jury’s still out on whether this guy will still be around.
Principle 5: If He Doesn’t See Your Value, Then He’s Blind
I’ll be honest: not every guy will see your value. These guys aren’t the ones you need to worry about, because they’re not right for you.
Your value doesn’t decrease based on his inability to see your worth. You determine your high-value, and no one else.
Always, always demand respect. Don’t timidly ask for it. Demand it. It’s your right as a human being, and it sure as hell is yours for the taking in a relationship. And a lot of guys will try to get away without respecting you. Weed them out early and move on.
If you’re wasting your time on a man who treats you like dirt, he is not treating you like the high-value Sexy Confident lady that you are. Move on because there are dozens of guys out there who would be blown away by your magnificence.
Principle 6: A High-Value Woman Has Walking Power
Don’t deal with his crap. Walk away.
Did you know you had power? Oh yeah, you totally do.
A high-value woman will walk away from a relationship if it’s not healthy for her…and men know this.
So one tip for how to be a high-value woman is to own that power. If this guy keeps disappointing you…
You need to have exceedingly high standards for how you are treated. Not only does that ensure that you get out of any situation when a man isn’t meeting those standards, but it’s also attractive for men to see a woman who won’t take no sh$& from a man. It makes them want to try even harder to get your approval.
Principle 7: A High-Value Woman Will Express Her Feelings to a Man…
…when he’s clearly invested himself in her.
So if in past relationships you’ve spouted out your emotions too soon and wondered why the guy disappeared, now you know. Learning how to be a high-value woman means reserving that vulnerability only for a man who is ready to give as much as he gets.
So let the man woo you. Let him earn your trust. Even if you are melting inside because you reallyreallyreally want to profess your undying love for him…
Waiting only makes a man want a high-value woman even more. It also gives him time to sort out his feelings. Maybe he’ll even express them first, and then you have the upper hand because you can decide to reciprocate or make him sweat. (But you wouldn’t do that…would ya?)
So you see what I meant? I didn’t give you a magic spell to turn you into Beyoncé. I simply gave you some principles you can work with to succeed in how to be a high-value woman. The foundation is already there. All you have to do is know your worth and have high standards.
So let me hear from my ladies: Are you a high-value woman? Give me a “heck yeah!” in the comments below and let me know which principle you need to work on.
In part 2 of this article, I give you three scenarios you can use to show that you’re a high-value woman. But it’s only available to Sexy Confidence members. Join the Club today and get exclusive access to content like this, as well as a whole network of women who support you.