And yet, as scary as dating after divorce may sound, you’re also kind of excited about first kisses and butterflies in your stomach.
I’m here to be your personal guide to getting back to dating after a long hiatus.
The Perks of Dating After Divorce
What’s so bad about getting some kissing practice in?
There are a lot of really wonderful benefits to dating later in life. Your life is more together and established, and you probably know more about what you want out of life and love than you did years ago.
You get to fall in love again (or maybe for the first time). If you struggled with your marriage and then divorce, it may be hard for you to remember what it’s like to fall in love. Those early days of falling head over heels are the best! Your brain is flooded with a delicious cocktail of hormones and chemicals that make you feel amazing. The world is bright and shiny. Everything is wonderful. If it’s been decades since you felt that, you’re in for a real treat.
Also, with dating after divorce, you can learn to trust again. I don’t know what your marriage was like, but many of the women in their 40s, 50s, or older that I have coached were betrayed in their marriages and found that they couldn’t trust their husbands. I don’t want that to limit you moving forward. Yes, some men are pigs, but there are so many men out there that are perfectly trustworthy, and you will learn that trust is a key component in love.
If you’ve spent decades taking care of your husband and maybe kids, you may not feel sexy and confident. Dating after divorce is your opportunity to take a note from Stella and get your groove back! That might involve a new haircut, flattering clothing, or even traveling on your own (hey, give Jamaica a try!). You can feel years younger simply by putting focus on how you look and feel.
You’ll also get to meet interesting men. Being married to the same guy for decades means you’re used to one kind of man, but once you start dating, you’ll meet men from every walk of life. Maybe your ex was a nature phobe; you might enjoy dating an outdoorsy guy. Or maybe your ex was a no-nonsense engineer; why not go out with an emotional artist for a change?
And last but not least: another perk of dating after divorce is getting to have sex! Again, every marriage is different, but many divorced women I know look back and can’t think of the last time they either had sex…or had good sex. Being with someone new (especially that you don’t have a complicated history with) can open the door to new and wonderful sexual experiences.
Your Step-by-Step Dating After Divorce Survival Guide
How to Find Love After 40 | Dating After Divorce #AskAdam - YouTube
Getting back into dating will look different for every woman. Your history can’t help but impact how you move into future relationships. You may find it easy or really difficult to make yourself vulnerable with someone new. The key is to just let your experience come as it will and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
Here are some tips that I have seen work for divorced women once they’re ready to start dating again.
Step 1: Take Your Time
I can’t stress this enough: don’t rush this. Depending on what you went through with your divorce, as well as how long ago it was, you may need months or even years to heal from it. Take care of yourself in every way; your friends may tell you that the best thing you can do to get over one guy is to — ahem — get under someone else. That’s such silly advice. It only forces you to start dating (or having sex) before you’re ready, and it sure isn’t fair to the guy who hopes this will turn into something when you’re just out for a little rebound action.
You need to ensure that you make time and space to grieve the end of your marriage. You might be hurt, apathetic, shell-shocked, or bitter after what you’ve gone through. That’s not the place you want to be in when you start dating someone new.
And yes, you may want to rush the process and get back to feeling good, but let me tell you: nothing good will come out of trying to hurry through the grieving process.
The right time to start dating after divorce is when you truly feel healed from what you’ve been through and start feeling genuine curiosity about what it would be like to be with someone new. Don’t listen to anyone else about when you should be ready. You’ll know when you are.
Doing so can help you really zero in on characteristics that balance your own personality. And yes, you’ll be able to figure out what you want by looking at what you didn’t like about your ex. Maybe he traveled for work every week, and now you want someone who’s here more. Maybe your ex had trouble expressing emotions, so you want someone who communicates them easily.
You can get detailed and think about physical characteristics you want (tall, dark, and handsome) or even what his hobbies or job are, but focus mainly on his personality and qualities because they’re more important. You might be shocked to find that you’re compatible with a Harley-riding tattooed man 10 years older than you…who happens to be the most sensitive and caring man you’ve ever met. Be open!
It will take time. Surround yourself with positive friends who are quick to tell you how fabulous you are. Practice self-care: if getting your nails done makes you feel sexy, isn’t it worth the investment? Buy a new style of clothes. Try a new color or pattern. Get your hair highlighted.
Read empowering books and articles; you can find inspiration from others who have been down this same path who are now leading the lives they were meant to lead. Or join a Sexy Confidence webinar!
Your path to sexy confidence will be unlike any other woman’s. Find what makes you feel good, inside and out, and nurture that feeling.
Step 4: Open Your Eyes to Possibilities
Once you shift your thinking from focusing on all the pain you’ve gone through to being curious about your future and potential love that can (and will) come into your life, you should start seeing opportunities to meet people every day. When you were married, you might not have thought twice about chatting with an attractive man in line waiting for coffee, but now it’s different. You might have friends who know single men that they are eager for you to meet. A meetup group you participate in might be ripe for the picking. Even going to get a drink at a bar with friends can be an opportunity to meet a man.
As part of your practice for dating after divorce, I encourage you to start by simply talking to men as often as possible. You don’t have to necessarily flirt with them (that’s the next phase), but just get used to engaging in conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Your recent interactions with men may have been limited to your husband (arguing constantly) or coworkers, so this will be a bit unfamiliar territory at first.
After you gain confidence in chatting, challenge yourself to flirt with someone you find attractive. It doesn’t have to result in a date or even an exchange of numbers! You just need to reactivate your flirting muscle. If you’re funny, tell a joke. Compliment him. Comment on the long wait for coffee. Above all, smile!
Step 5: Try Online Dating
Online dating can give you a boost of confidence.
If you meet someone in person, great. But many women find that online dating not only opens up their options but it’s also a good way to practice interacting with a guy.
Start with a reputable dating site or app. I know many women who have had success on Bumble, OKCupid, and Match. There are also newer apps like Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel that you might want to check out. Just pick one or two, or you’ll easily let online dating run your life! Also, many guys are on more than one site, so don’t worry that you’re missing out if you’re just on a few sites.
The hardest thing for many people is writing their profiles. How can you talk about yourself in just a few sentences and come off as intelligent and appealing? If you don’t know where to start, ask a friend what you should include in your profile. Pick photos that make you feel attractive for your profile.
Most dating apps let you specify exactly what you’re looking for in a man, from his age and location to more granular details like income and whether he wants kids or not. Use those filters…but also be open to men that don’t necessarily fit what you think you’re looking for.
The key to success with online dating is keeping it light. Have no expectations. At the very least, you’ll get practice texting or talking to a man (an entire art form in and of itself). At best, you’ll end up on a few dates…or even in a relationship with someone you met online!
Step 6: Go on Your First Date
Whether you meet someone online, through a setup, or in a coffee shop, it’s now time for your first post-divorce date! It’s perfectly natural for you to be nervous, but if you focus on just having fun and not trying to find Mr. Right, you’ll have a better time.
As far as what you wear for the date: aim for comfort over sexiness. You need to feel good in the clothes you wear, not try to attract a man with a low-cut blouse. Trust me: if you feel good in the clothes, you likely look good in them too, and he will notice!
If the idea of a typical dinner date sends you into paralysis, suggest something more off-the-wall like a hike or breakfast date.
A safety tip from me to you: meet the guy on your first date at the venue rather than letting him pick you up. You just can’t be too careful these days, and since you don’t know if you’ll want to go out with this man again or not, it’s better for you to not reveal where you live before you even meet him for the first time.
While you’re on the date, try to relax and just enjoy the conversation. Assess the guy while you’re at it: does he make you laugh? Do you enjoy his company? Do you want to see him again? The more dates you go on, the easier it will be for you to determine whether this guy has potential or not. And give him at least a second date: some men are (understandably) nervous on a first date, just like you! On a second date, they’ll be more at ease.
Step 7: Measure Him Against Your List
Make sure he measures up against what you want!
After the date, spend more time assessing this man’s potential. Think back to that list you made about what you want.
Did this guy have what you’re looking for? If not, don’t settle! If he hits all the physical attributes you want (works out, has a full head of hair) but none of the personal qualities you’re looking for (he’s kind of a jerk), then move on.
Realize that you might not get everything on your list, but the bottom line is: you should enjoy his company and want to spend more time with him. That’s pretty easy to figure out.
Step 8: Work to Let Go of Past Pain
Sometimes you can’t know until you start dating after divorce whether your past trauma and mistrust will rear its ugly head. It’s okay if it does, but you need to work through this and learn to let it go.
Realize this guy isn’t the one that hurt you. You can’t assume that just because he has something in common with your ex (he’s male), that he will hurt you too. Be willing to trust again. Yes, that will take time, but the more dates you go on, the easier it will become. You don’t need to jump into a relationship right away once you start dating, so just give yourself some freedom to date multiple people and find your footing again.
Step 9: Be a Good Partner
Once you find a man that you enjoy spending time with, make sure you’re giving as much as you’re getting so that he wants to be with you as much as you do him.
Reach out to him as much as he does you. If he texts every morning to see how your day is going, be the one to initiate the text (or call) in the evening.
You can also be a good partner by asking him questions. Engage with him. If he told you last week that he was waiting to hear back about a job interview, make sure to follow up to see if he got the new job. Show that you’re actively interested in him and his world.
Step 10: Learn How to Find Love Again
Love is out there. You just have to believe it.
It may not happen today…or tomorrow…but you will find love again. I promise you that.
However… you have to be open to love to find it. If you keep telling yourself that love doesn’t exist…
…that you are unloveable…
…that your ex was the best man that you’ll ever find…
…then it will be that much harder for you to fall in love again. But it’s all a mind game! If you don’t believe you’ll find a man to love…you probably won’t. But if you keep a positive and open attitude about it, you absolutely will.
You’re at the beginning of your next journey in life. You’ve already gotten through the hard stuff — struggling through a marriage that was not meant to be and then going through a divorce that may have not been amicable. You’ve taken the time to heal your heart and now you’re ready for the next adventure: dating after divorce!
Stick with it. Like anything, it may take practice to get good at it, and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince Charming (at least you get a lot of kissing practice in!). But I assure you that when you least expect it, you’ll stumble onto love and be glad you followed this path.
Do you feel like maybe your guy doesn’t fully appreciate you? Maybe he’s been pulling away lately and you don’t know what to do. So you’re trying to figure out how to make him worry about losing you as a way to get his attention back on you.
There’s definitely a right and wrong way to go about this. And fear might be the ticket.
Fear: it can be a powerful motivator, and can be used to get people to change their behavior…if used correctly.
Now, in a long-term, healthy relationship, fear should never be used as a way to control or manipulate your partner.
But unfortunately, in today’s dating environment where people constantly find themselves in “Situationships” — AKA romantic and sexual situations that fall somewhere between relationships and friends with benefits — fear can be a useful tool. Used correctly, fear can open up a guy’s eyes to make him realize that he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t get his act together.
In this video and article I’ll show you how to make him worry about losing you, not by playing games, but by focusing on you improving your life.
P.S. Add one more tool to your arsenal with my Make Him Commit Training. I’ll teach you how to own your power and get the man to commit…if you want him to. Sign up for this training today!
Before I get to the good stuff, I do need to warn you of something: if you feel like you have to constantly make him fear losing you in order to keep him interested, then this guy is probably not for you. You’re essentially creating a fictional world where you tell yourself that this relationship is sustainable, but you can only evoke his fear of losing you for so long before he’ll leave anyway.
And it’s okay if he does leave. Because the right guy doesn’t require fear tactics. He wants to be with you.
Another disclaimer: this video and article are not meant to encourage you to play games.In fact, I hate that a lot of women feel like they need to play games to keep a man.
That’s not what this is about. Actually, everything I talk about here is going to make you a better person and partner, and will help you find a healthy and lasting relationship.
Put the F.E.A.R. of losing you into him!
If the man you’re dating is inconsistent or seems to have trouble committing to you, I want to teach you how to make him worry about losing you through that primal emotion:
Now, before you think I want you to start boiling bunnies or surprising your man with a knife while he’s in the shower, let me just let you in on a little secret: F.E.A.R. is actually an acronym:
Focus on your independent social life
Eliminate your constant texting
Get more physically active in your life
Reset your boundaries
Let’s take a look at each of these tips so you can make him worry about losing you and get him to commit to you.
Make Him Worry About Losing You Through F.E.A.R
Now I know this headline was a little clickbaity, and I used it to get your attention. So many women think they have to use actual fear to secure love, but I want to show you a healthier way to move a man who isn’t sure of what he wants toward a future with you.
I’ve met a lot of misguided women who focus on how to get a man to chase them or how to seem cooler than they actually are. What I tell those women is that this is just a form of game-playing. The goal isn’t to pretend to have an amazing life…it’s to actually have one.
Continue to do the things that bring you joy. Keep going out and meeting interesting people. That shouldn’t stop just because you’re dating someone, and in fact can make for a better relationship.
This doesn’t just apply when you first start dating. At every stage in a relationship, even if you’ve been together for years, it’s important that you both have separate interests and friends. It’ll keep you both sane.
So how does this make him worry about losing you? If you give everything up to spend all of your time with this guy, he’s going to pull away. It’s just too intense for most people. But if you have a healthy social life outside of him, he might get just the tiniest bit insecure and want to make sure you still want to spend time with him in between social engagements.
2. ELIMINATE Your Constant Texting
Step away from the phone!
Look, texting is definitely one way to a man’s heart, but use it sparingly. If you text him constantly, he will (literally) feel like he’s got you in his back pocket. Meaning: he knows you’re crazy about him…and even if he doesn’t feel the same, he might feel like he can have things his way (casual sex? not responding when you want him to?) without giving you what you want (commitment).
I know it will make you crazy, but put your phone on Do Not Disturb so you’re not constantly listening for the ping that tells you that you have a text that may (or may not) be from him.
Don’t text him more than a couple of times a day. And for every text that he sends you, wait a few hours to respond — not because you’re playing games but because you have other things going on in your life and you don’t need to drop everything to respond to him.
The less available you are via text, the more he’ll want you. You might see him start to text you more and more as a result!
3. Get More Physically Active in Your Life
Exercise for yourself, not for him…but let him enjoy the results!
The better you feel in your body, the more confident you will be in your life. Now, I’m not saying you need to have six-pack abs and super toned arms to be more confident.
I just mean that just by moving and getting those endorphins flowing through physical activity, you’ll start to feel better. A great side effect? The guy you’re dating will look at you and think, “man, I don’t want to lose that!”
Research shows that exercising as little as 10 minutes a day or even just once a week can make people happier. And people who are happier in their lives tend to be more appealing as romantic partners. So find an activity you really enjoy. You’ll benefit in your body, mind…and relationship!
4. Reset Your Boundaries
Communicate that you want him to stop disrespecting you.
If a man isn’t treating you the way you want to be treated…
…maybe he only texts you at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night for one reason only…
…or he takes days to respond to your texts…
…or he’s squirrelly about making plans with you…
…then it’s time to reset those boundaries. Tell him his behavior is not acceptable. You don’t necessarily need to communicate this directly but you can still get your point across.
If he texts you at 2 a.m., don’t respond. Ignore him. If he doesn’t like that? It’s okay. It’s time to move on to find a man who respects you.
If, on the other hand, he texts you the next morning (after you ignored his booty call) and says he’d love to take you out, that’s acceptable. He’s subconsciously agreed to your boundaries and is ready to follow your rules.
Don’t be afraid to set those boundaries about what is acceptable — and respectful — to you. You set the pace for how this relationship will go, and if he’s not treating you right, he’s not right for you.
If you want to draw a man back in who maybe has gotten a little distant for whatever reason, use these strategies to make him worry about losing you. Do that by putting less energy into dragging him toward you and focus more on doing what makes you happy and healthy instead. He’ll pursue you, I guarantee.
I’ve said this before to you Sexy Confident ladies over the years, but I’ll say it again:
Never PLAY hard to get. BE hard to get by living your amazing life and making him want to be a part of it.
And remember this: he will worry about losing you if he knows that you’ll walk away if he doesn’t treat you right.
Talk to me, ladies! Have you ever employed these tips to make him worry about losing you? What was the result? Leave a comment below to share!
If you want more helpon how to make him worry about losing you, please sign up for my Make Him Miss You and Commit Webinar. You’ll get proven strategies that will light a fire under him and get him to commit to you and only you!
So you’re online dating, trying to find the absolutely perfect man, and you’re looking for signs he’s the one. You’re seeking the guy who has every single thing that you want on that long list you know you’ve got.
He’s got to have the looks…
…the personality…everything you’re looking for. So you’re trying to find that guy, but after a while, you’re starting to feel like you’re withering away, sitting there in front of the computer looking for him.
I don’t want that to happen to you, so in this video and article, I’m going to get real with you about some practical signs he’s the one.
5 Clear Signs He’s "The One" You Should Stay With Forever - YouTube
P.S. If you’re tired of attracting the wrong guys, please sign up for my Attract the One webinar. I’ll help you learn to get the right guy to emotionally chase after you. Sign up here.
We live in a world of social media fantasy as it pertains to love. Don’t believe me? Just look at your social feed.
There’s that girlfriend of yours, who just met the perfect guy. She’s posting pictures of the two of them together looking moon-eyed on social media, and you feel a tinge of jealousy.
Oh by the way, he’s a doctor who drives a BMW and saves kittens from trees. Where the #$%@ is your do-gooder doc??
Stop comparing yourself to what you see on social media. For all you know, he kicks dogs and cheats on his taxes. Social media never reveals the whole story, though it’s a fact that many people allow what they see others post on social media to send them into a mire of depression and anxiety. I don’t want that for you, so I want you to stop focusing on the things that look good on paper (remember that list of superficial qualities you wanted in a man?) and stop comparing your life to what you see on social media.
5 Signs He’s the One for You When it’s right, it’s right! But how do you know?
I have found with the women I’ve coached that often they’re looking for the wrong signs that he’s the one. They’re focusing on what he does for a living, where he lives, whether he’s into football or not.
I teach those women (just like I’m teaching you, Sexy Confident lady) to shift their thinking and open up to more accurate signs he’s the one. Here are better ways to assess whether this guy is right for you or not.
So why is that? People who are best in relationships are those who give a lot without asking for much in return. As a result, those people’s partners give a lot too, and they’re both really happy in that relationship.
So pay attention in conversation with your guy and with others: does he tell his best friend that “he” has plans this weekend..or that “we” do? Here’s a great story to illustrate this:
My friend Sara has been dating Ben for two months. Ben has a community garden plot that he works on every weekend. Sara has started accompanying him. When he asked her what she wanted to grow, she said, “I don’t know. It’s your garden.”
He replied, “No, it’s our garden.”
Ben is invested in this relationship and wants to share his world with Sara.
2. He’s Your Best Friend
Is he your BFF? Then he could be the one!
If you’ve never been in love, it can be challenging to know what the signs are that he could be the one. You might have been in a long-term relationship before…or even married for years, but that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been in love.
But even if you’ve never truly been in love, you probably have had a best friend before. Right? That’s the gauge I want you to use to decide if he’s showing signs he’s “the one”.
Think about your best friend (now or in the past). Think of all of the attributes of that friendship. You can trust your best friend. She makes you laugh. She gives advice when you want it and keeps quiet when you don’t. She challenges you to be a better person.
Now think about the relationship you’re in. Does it have similar qualities? Ask yourself:
Does he really care about me?
Is he interested in the things that I do in my life?
Do we have the chemistry that I’ve had with other best friends in my life?
If you look at your relationship and realize, yes, he’s like a best friend, then this is a good indicator that it’s a great relationship, and it’s one of the signs he’s the one!
3. You’re Attracted to Him
Now this seems like an obvious sign that he’s the one, but I’ve seen it time and time again: women going for guys based on what they look like on paper, while in reality, they’re not that attracted to them. There’s just no spark.
My advice is to look for that spark. It might not happen on the first date, but if you’re not feeling it by the second, then move on, because, as good as this guy looked on paper, there’s not that alchemy you need for a sustainable relationship. I know it can be frustrating to have a great guy in front of you and not feel those butterflies, but you can’t force chemistry.
4. The Relationship Has Costly Commitment Signals
What are you willing to do for this man?
“Adam, what the heck are costly commitment signals??”
This is just a fancy term for making certain sacrifices for each other, even if historically, you’ve always been more about looking out for yourself and maybe not putting that much effort into a relationship.
Psychologists coined this term to describe how we do things that “cost” us either in terms of our time, money, or emotions, simply because we want to help our significant other. Think about these two scenarios:
A friend from college who you barely talk to asks you to help her move across town.
The man you’re completely gaga over asks you to help him move.
Which one are you more likely to want to do? Probably help your boyfriend. Why? Because although it’s a pain to help anyone move, you think that “cost” is worth it because you really care about him.
A 2015 study carried out by psychologists at Japan’s Kobe University found that relationships where this kind of behavior, these costly commitment signals, was either absent or infrequent, were less likely to go the distance.
That makes sense, right? If you’re unwilling to give yourself and your time, it’s probably because you don’t see things working out long-term with this guy.
5. Your Lives are Compatible
I once had a client with two kids aged 4 and 7. I was helping her get out there and meet a lot of men. But the one she really clicked with was an Army sergeant. They really connected and had a lot in common. The only problem was…he had to relocate to a different military base every year.
Unfortunately, at the time, she didn’t want to move her young kids frequently, so she was unwilling to make that sacrifice to move with him each year. He was unwilling to quit his job to be with her and put down roots. Suffice it to say, the relationship ended.
This is an example of how, even if you’ve got great chemistry and have a lot in common, if you don’t have that compatibility, it just isn’t one of the signs he’s the one.
Have you ever felt like that? Like everything with a guy clicks…except one thing? And that thing is compatibility. Leave a comment below and share your story.
It’s time to enjoy this relationship!
So now that you’ve read about some of the signs he’s the one, how does this man you’re with stack up? If you immediately were like, “yeah, he totally uses “we” and he’s my best friend!” then there’s a good chance that this man is the man.
But what if you’re scrambling to try to see those signs he’s the one…and coming up short? I understand that you are ready to let love into your life, but my dear, I absolutely don’t want you to settle for the wrong guy. I know you’re impatient, but sadly you will never be able to force this guy to be Mr. Right.
I encourage you to end this relationship if it’s not sparking that magic that it should. You need to free yourself up so that when the right man comes along, you’re available and ready for him.
If this man isn’t showing those signs he’s the one, I invite you to register for my free webinar, Attract the One. It’s proven to help women exude the confidence that makes them irresistible to quality men. There’s limited space in this webinar, so please sign up asap to secure your spot.
Forget the old adage about the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach. Figuring out how to make a guy laugh is definitely going to be the most direct path to his heart.
But don’t just take my word for it: researchers have been studying the connection between humor and attraction for years, and have found some pretty interesting results. European researchers studied speed dating participants and determined that laughter was a positive indicator of attraction in most instances. People who made their speed dating partners laugh were seen as more attractive than those who did not.
So it stands to reason that if you make a guy laugh on a first date…it’s going to go pretty well!
8 Foolproof Ways to Make a Guy Laugh
Laughter on a first date is a good sign of things to come!
Realize that being funny and learning how to make a guy laugh starts with confidence. You have to not be worried about the outcome of a joke and just own it in order for it to work.
It may take some practice. Use your friends as guinea pigs. After a while, when you find your own quirky style of funny (and aren’t mimicking some comedian you watched on Netflix), you’ll find your power to make a guy laugh hard.
Here are a few techniques to get you started.
1. Ask Questions That Send His Drink Shooting Out of His Nose
Making a guy laugh isn’t always about telling a joke or having a punchline. You can make him laugh simply by asking ridiculous questions.
These are great on a first date, particularly if the conversation isn’t really flowing, maybe because one or both of you are nervous. Bring out these icebreaker questions and let the laughs begin.
“If your life were an action movie, who would play you? I’m thinking Neil Patrick Harris. He does evil villains really well!”
“If you could only eat stinky Limburger cheese the rest of your life…or never drink beer again, which would you choose?”
“What unsung sport would you add to the Olympics? For me, it would be couch surfing.”
Before you start down the path of asking zany questions, feel out the mood. If he just finished telling you that his grandma died last month, this probably isn’t the right time for laughs. And watch overdoing it. If he’s puzzled as to why you’re asking weird questions, asking more probably isn’t going to warm him up.
2. Deliver a Joke with a Deadpan Face
You know deadpan (or dry) humor: look at Bill Murray or Nick Offerman (from Parks and Recreation) as examples. You catch your audience unaware when you seem serious and not at all in a joke-telling mood…and then you lay down a hilarious punchline.
Get inspired by watching deadpan comics. Practice your poker face so you don’t give away the fact that you’re about to crack a guy up. Then practice your timing with delivering the punchline.
The key to a successful deadpan joke is to seem like you’re talking about something serious. When you deliver the punchline, don’t smile. It’s hard, but it pays off.
3. Make Fun of Yourself
Show that you don’t take yourself seriously.
So feel free to tell a joke or two at your own expense. He’ll see you as confident enough to do so, and that’s appealing.
“Did you know that today is National Selfie Day? All that hard work I’ve been putting into my Instagram profile finally paid off in a nationally-recognized holiday!”
“Let’s see how long it takes for me to tell you about my gimp leg and daddy issues…”
4. Share a Silly Anecdote
A great way to relax the atmosphere on a first date is to tell a story from your life. Maybe you twisted your ankle while walking the dog this morning (and can laugh about it), you saw a funny exchange between two people at the grocery store, or you saw a hilarious misspelled sign on the way to work.
Not only are you making him laugh with your anecdote, but you’re also letting him into your life bit by bit. You can include humor when getting to know each other, talking about growing up or your family. He may return by sharing his own funny story.
5. Send Funny Texts
3 Flirty Ways to Text a Guy You Like - YouTube
Being funny isn’t limited to dates. Start by sprinkling a little humor into your texts as you get to know him before (and in between) dates.
The key to sending funny texts is to keep them light. You can keep them neutral or even get a little sexy (if you’re up for it and you think it’s the appropriate time. This is better after you’ve been on a few dates or even been intimate).
“You’re thinking about me right now, aren’t you? I can feel it. I’ve got a sixth sense about these things…”
“I’m taking applications for personal masseuse and chef. Know any able-bodied, sexy men that might want to apply for the role?”
“I just read an article saying that making out burns a lot of calories. Wanna be my fitness coach? :)”
6. Let it Come Naturally
One of the best ways to make a guy laugh is to just let it come naturally. No canned jokes!
If you don’t feel funny, don’t force it, or your efforts will fall flat. It may take time to sharpen your funny bone, so keep practicing on your friends. When you’re funny, you know you’re funny. And that makes you feel great. That’s when you should tell jokes and funny stories: when you know that you’re funny telling them.
It’s great to observe other people’s funniness, but don’t copy them. If you do tell a joke that someone else told, give them credit for it…or you might be called out for stealing someone else’s humor.
7. Poke Fun at Him (Just a Little)
Make a joke about him…but keep it friendly.
Just like making fun of yourself is good for a few laughs, so is making fun of him…within reason.
First, understand that everyone handles being poked at differently. Some guys may be quick to laugh at a joke at their own expense, while others may think you’re being mean and quickly write you off. Only use this strategy to get him to laugh if you think he’ll be good humored about it.
The key is to be funny and not cruel. You don’t want to emasculate this guy when you’ve only just met him! Here are a few examples.
“You drink IPA?? I’ll try not to hold that against you.”
[If he checks his phone on your date] “Looking for that fake emergency text from your friend so you can bail on this date?”
“I almost wore the same flannel shirt!”
When you make fun of the guy you’re out with, make sure you smile while doing it so he knows you’re kidding. It’s a great opportunity to leverage your body language by leaning over and touching his arm so that he know’s you’re laughing with him, not at him, and that, by the way, you’re totally into him.
8. Share a Funny Video
You don’t have to do all the legwork when it comes to flirting through laughter. If you don’t have any funny jokes or anecdotes to share, turn to a valuable resource: funny videos on social media.
C’mon, admit it: you’ve wasted countless hours watching videos of cats knocking things off of tables, babies rolling around, and people falling. You’ve had tears streaming down your face as you cracked up over them.
So why not use a funny video as inspiration to break the ice a little on your next date?
Find a video that’s short but hilarious and pull it out on your date. You can laugh and appreciate a mindless video together (and bonus: you’ll be physically closer as you lean in to watch the screen), and that’s a great kickoff to what could become a wonderful relationship.
Of course, a successful date comes down to having the right chemistry, but if you can laugh at the same things, that means you’ve got it.
But find your own version of funny. What works for one woman will come off as awkward and stilted for another. Work with what feels comfortable to you and I guarantee you’ll quickly learn how to make a guy laugh.
Let me hear from you: how have you made a guy laugh on a date? Was it by telling a joke? Making fun of yourself or him? Sending silly texts? Leave a comment below to share your laugh tips with other Sexy Confidence members.
Laughter is a key component of flirting. If you need to brush up on your flirting skills, sign up for my flirting workshop to learn insider tips. After completing the course, that man stands no chance of not falling for you!
You’re really digging this guy, and you’re desperate for signs that he wants you to be his girlfriend. He seems into you…but is there anything you can do to speed up the process to commitment?
I’ll just say this: if you two are meant to be, you will be. But some men move a little slow when it comes to taking things to the next level, so I want to share a few ways you can know that things are moving on the right track and give you one way at the end of this article that you can speed things up.
First: Are You Ready to Be a Girlfriend?
Before you worry about whether he’s showing signs he wants you to be his girlfriend, consider what YOU want.
It’s one thing to fantasize about having a boyfriend, especially if you have been hurt in a past long-term relationship and are ready to try again, but consider what it really requires. Ask yourself the following questions to know whether you’re even ready for a relationship at this point in your life.
Do You Have the Time and Energy to Put into a Relationship?
Relationships take effort. Consider whether you are willing to give up your evenings out with the girls or the time you relish curled up with a good book to spend time with someone special. It won’t all be roses and unicorns; in the early days, he may whisk you off of your feet, but as you grow into a settled relationship, there will be more hanging out at home. You may argue. You’ll have to work at being a good partner.
You may or may not be at a point in your life where you’re ready to give up what you have for this, so consider your answer to this question carefully.
Are You Willing to Compromise on Things?
A healthy relationship involves compromise on both people’s parts. That means that you won’t always get your way…and neither will he. You have to really care about someone to be willing to sacrifice your perfect scenario so that both of you can be at least a little content with the outcome.
Realize, though, that there is a fine line between compromising and settling. With compromise, you’re both giving up a little something so the two of you can be somewhat happy. With settling, you’re giving up something entirely for your partner’s happiness. A good partner won’t ask you to settle.
Are You Okay with Working to Be the Best Partner Possible?
A relationship takes work. You have to be willing to recognize your flaws and want to make an effort to improve on them. You should want to be the best partner possible if you really care about this person.
But if you’re not up for it, there’s nothing wrong with it. You just aren’t ready for a relationship.
Can You Accept His Flaws?
If it’s been a while since you dated, it may be easy for you to only see a man’s good qualities. You focus on his sense of humor and great kisses…and overlook his sloppy habits or snoring. If you’re in a relationship with a man, you have to be okay with his less-than-perfection. You don’t have to find those hacksaw snores adorable, but they shouldn’t grate your nerves to the point of wanting to smother him with a pillow.
Does He Fit into Your Life Right Now?
You may think you want a relationship, but ask yourself whether your life is set up for one. Maybe you’re planning to move out of state in six months. Or you’re consumed with taking care of your kids. This might not be the best point in your life to commit to a relationship. Know that if you have other major things going on, the relationship will likely suffer, and then it stands no chance of working out.
Do You Really Care About Him (Or Do You Just Not Want to Be Alone)?
Sadly, I’ve seen a lot of women in unhappy relationships simply because they think it’s a better alternative to being alone. I don’t know why being alone gets such a bad rap. It’s actually pretty great and can help you prepare yourself for a fantastic relationship when the time is right.
So consider whether you really want this guy to be your boyfriend…or you just want someone to fill the lonely nights.
Is He a Good Fit For You?
You might have great sexual chemistry…or he makes you laugh. But one factor doesn’t mean he’s boyfriend material for you. The better you know yourself, the better you know what kind of man is a good fit for you. Obviously, the two of you need to be on the same page about what you want commitment-wise. But you should also have things in common, and be able to connect emotionally, intelligently, and physically.
What to Look for: Signs He Wants You to Be His Girlfriend
7 Subtle Signs He Wants to Be Your Boyfriend - YouTube
If you’re still reading, I’m going to assume that yes, you are ready to be a girlfriend…specifically this guy’s girlfriend! Now let’s look at those signs he wants you to be his girlfriend so you know you’re not wasting time with this man.
1. He Texts (and Calls) You Regularly
There’s something to be said about a man who is consistent. I know that when I first started dating Jessica, I wanted to talk to her constantly, so I’d text first thing in the morning and call later in the evening.
A man who isn’t interested in a future with you will call or text when he wants to…and that might not be all that often. But if he’s reaching out regularly, this might be one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend.
2. He Makes Plans More Than a Day in Advance
Again, a man who isn’t interested in committing won’t want to make plans more than a day (or even just a few hours) ahead. I know this annoys the #%@! of you, but if that’s happening, he’s probably not boyfriend material.
On the other hand, if the guy you’re seeing is talking about weekend plans on Monday…or even discussing an event happening in several weeks…it’s because he wants you to still be with him in the not-too-distant future.
3. He is Open with His Feelings
If you look back at men you’ve dated briefly, you probably can see a pattern of emotional unavailability. Before you assume all men are robots when it comes to expressing their feelings, let me just say that a man who sees no future with a woman may be more closed off to her. So essentially, none of the guys you’ve dated could express their feelings because they weren’t a good fit for you.
A man who is interested in a relationship with you will be open with his feelings. He can be vulnerable with you and tell you how much he cares. This feels pretty great, doesn’t it?
There’s nothing more annoying than someone who takes hours (or even days) to respond to a text. Am I right? Really, you should see this as communicating how interested in you a man is. If he takes all day to respond every time you text him (and doesn’t have a genuine excuse, like having to keep his phone off at work), then he’s probably not wanting to be your boyfriend.
On the other hand, a man who is quick to respond does so because he’s happy to hear from you and wants to keep the conversation going.
5. You Have Regular Plans
Maybe you meet in the park every Saturday morning for a run, followed by brunch. Maybe you spend each Friday evening together. If you have regular plans with this man, it’s a good sign he wants you to be his girlfriend.
A man who’s dating multiple women will be more sporadic about when he spends time with you (assuming there’s not a better option).
6. He Compliments You
A man gets nothing out of complimenting you…except a smile and maybe a kiss. So if he’s doing it (sincerely), it’s probably because he’s smitten with you. But pay attention to what kinds of compliments he’s throwing your way. Are they only about your physical appearance…or does he also compliment your intelligence, your accomplishments, or even your tastes? If it’s just physical, he may not be interested in anything more than sex, but if his compliments are well-rounded, he may want you to be his lady!
7. He Talks About the Future
This guy isn’t just making plans a few weeks out, he’s actually talking about the far-off future…with you in it! Maybe he says he’d love for you to come with him for the holidays to meet his family. Or he says something about maybe moving in together one day.
A man with his eye on the future is a keeper, as long as your desires and goals align with his.
8. He Has Opened Up About His Past
He WANTS you to know all about his past!
I’m certainly not saying that every commitment-ready man will easily open up about past relationships, heartbreak, et cetera, but if this man is willing to tell you what happened in the past, he’s letting you know that he feels comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable.
That’s huge. In our culture, men are often dissuaded from being vulnerable. A study found that when male leaders asked for help, they were seen as less competent and confident. So many men aren’t comfortable talking about past situations where maybe they suffered pain or trauma because they think it makes them look weak.
So if this man is opening up, it’s definitely one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend!
9. He Has Introduced You to Friends and Family
A man who wants to date you for a few weeks won’t bother to introduce you to the people who matter to him. What’s the point? You won’t be around for long. Plus, introducing a woman to his family communicates to them that this might be serious.
If you get that invite…know that he feels pretty strongly about you.
10. He Asks Questions to Get to Know You
As a dating coach, I’ve worked with women who marvel at the fact that they have dated men for weeks who never bother to ask them one question about themselves! Feels pretty crummy, especially if you are a naturally curious person and do your fair share of question-asking.
But if a man wants to know everything about you — from your favorite food to your passions and childhood stories — understand that he’s working to get to know you and share a bond with you.
11. He Cares What You Think
“Which tie do you like better?”
“What do you think about me looking for a new job?”
Big or small, this man wants your opinion. He values what you think. That’s a refreshing change from those men who didn’t care about anything beyond how you looked and what you did for them in bed. Be honest with your opinion and get his advice for your own situations as well.
12. You’re Spending More and More Time Together
The more time you spend together, the closer you become.
Maybe initially you saw each other once a week…but that number increased more and more, and now you’re together four or five days a week. Maybe you stay the night at one another’s house on the weekends. Spending time together is how you bond and get to know a person better.
What you do matters as much as how much you’re together. Are you doing a wide range of activities, from occasionally going out to dinner to hanging with friends to just chilling on the couch? That’s a good sign! As you settle into a relationship, you may go out less than you did initially, but the time will be more quality.
13. He Tells You Everything
You’re the first person he calls when he gets a raise…or his grandma dies. You’re his person.
You’re confident that he’s not keeping things from you…and you aren’t keeping things from him. The two of you are like two peas in a pod, and you love sharing everything.
14. Even at Your Worst, He’s There
After a particularly stressful day, you blow up at your man. Then you’re doing a facepalm. What were you thinking? You’ll totally scare him off…only you don’t.
He accepts you at your worst, even if you’re taking it out on him. He understands that this is part of who you are, and he’s okay with the occasional outburst or tears.
15. The Sex Gets Better (But Isn’t Everything in Your Relationship)
Even if the sex started out pretty great, you’re amazed at how much better it keeps getting. The longer you’re together, the more at ease you both are with one another, and you can be more comfortable with one another sexually. You may become more okay with telling him your preferences in the bedroom, which makes for great communication and even better results!
16. He Stays the Night at Your Place
Staying the night together means you’re on your way to a relationship!
If you’ve ever slept with a man who didn’t want a relationship, you know the drill:
“Man, that was great! [Yawn.] Well, I have an early day tomorrow, so I better go.”
You know darn well that he doesn’t have an early day. He just doesn’t want to stay. Because staying the night with someone and being non-sexually intimate (holding each other close all night) intimidates the hell out of many men.
But a man who is willing to stay the night is up for all of the emotions that come with sleeping next to someone. So if he’s stayed the night several times with you, this is one of the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend.
17. He Gives You Thoughtful Gifts
He picks up a vintage magazine at a thrift store because he knows you collect them. He’s memorized your favorite coffee order and sometimes drops off a latte for you at work. These are small gifts but make for big gestures. They mean he’s thinking of you when he’s not with you, and that he wants to communicate that he cares.
18. He Gives You His Undivided Attention
This isn’t one of those men who pay more attention to their phones than to you. This guy is engaged whenever he’s around you, and he puts his phone on silent and forgets about it. He’s ready to absorb you and devote his full attention to the beautiful woman that’s in front of him.
19. He Cheers You On
When you get a raise, he pops a bottle of champagne. When you’re excited about an accomplishment, he’s right there being your cheerleader. If you’re working toward a goal, like running a marathon, he’s by your side.
This is next-level when it comes to dating because a man who is only superficially interested in you won’t want to expend the energy it takes to be a supportive partner. A boyfriend, on the other hand…
20. Even When Frustrated, He Communicates Well
He keeps his cool even when he’s upset.
He’s having a bad day, and he could lash out at you, but he keeps his cool. Maybe you’ve been with men who take their stress out on you (never a healthy thing; this can be considered emotional abuse), but you’re impressed at how this man separates his frustrations from his feelings about you.
Even if he needs time to get over whatever he’s upset about, he can communicate this to you.
21. He Can’t Stop Touching You
And he’s not just touching you in a sexual way. Whenever you’re within arm’s reach, he’s holding your hand, putting his arm around you, kissing you, or touching your face. Touch communicates emotion and also lets him connect with you physically.
22. He’s Got a Nickname for You
Whether that nickname is babe or stinky, he’s comfortable enough with you to have a private name or two (maybe based on an inside joke) that only he calls you.
23. He Lets You See Him Vulnerable
Being vulnerable isn’t easy for anyone, especially men. But if he lets you see him cry or opens up about his feelings, he’s saying that he trusts you with his heart. Be careful with it!
Now that you’ve reviewed the signs he wants you to be his girlfriend, what do you think? Is your man exhibiting several of them? Share in the comments below which signs your guy is showing…and tell us what you want to happen next!
Let me leave you with one thing you can do to get to that place of commitment sooner: be yourself. The sooner you can be authentic around this man and see that he’s okay with the fact that you cuss like a sailor and love being the life of the party, the sooner you can start your relationship in earnest.
Step up your game by taking my training course to get the object of your affections to pursue you and only you! Space is limited so sign up now.
Maybe you’ve heard horror hookup stories about Tinder…
Or about a friend of a friend who met nothing but losers on dating apps…
Or simply are intimidated by the prospect of talking to a man online and then meeting him face to face.
Whatever your hangups about dating apps and sites, I want to help you navigate the world of online dating without fear for your safety.
The Lowdown on Online Dating and Dating Apps
Why Your Online Dating Profile Attracts the WRONG Men - YouTube
In general, dating apps and sites are perfectly safe, though of course there are exceptions (PLEASE don’t Google them. They will freak you out). They are just another channel to connect single people, just like a bar or a singles group.
The key is to be conscious of what you’re doing, both when you text a new guy and when you meet him in person. After all, you don’t know this man! Put your safety first!
At the start, you may feel like a fish out of water, but after talking to or even dating a few men you meet on dating apps, you’ll learn to look for certain signs that tell you that the dude is a good one.
If meeting a man the natural way is a challenge, you absolutely should try online dating…though realize that it’s just ONE tool in your toolkit for finding love. Yes, try online dating, but also go to singles events…ask your friends to set you up…do it all!
After all…what have you got to lose?
Is Online Dating Safe? It Is if You Follow These Safety Tips
Online dating can be really wonderful…if you keep safety tips in mind.
Your safety should be a priority. I don’t care how hot a man’s photos are online. He may not even be that guy (that’s essentially what catfishing is: someone posting photos that aren’t him and then lying about who he is). You have to go into online dating with a bit of skepticism, if only to ensure that you don’t end up with a bad — or even dangerous — guy.
I’m not trying to scare you, but I don’t want you to be naive in thinking that every man you meet through dating apps will be honest. So to answer the question, is online dating safe: it absolutely is…when you take certain precautions.
1. Stick to Quality Sites
Not all dating sites are created equal. Some put more focus on keeping you safe. Bumble, Tinder, Match, eHarmony, and a handful of others are reputable sites, and many have measures to prevent catfishing, though they’re not always foolproof. I’ve heard from many women I’ve coached that these sites tend to have higher-quality men, probably because they charge for their services.
Free sites like Badoo and Zoosk have a much higher instance of fake profiles. Don’t waste your time.
It’s crazy: more than half of online daters have seen dating profiles where they think the person lied about one thing or another. Sometimes these are small lies, like their age or height, but sometimes they are full-blown catfishing. They may steal someone else’s photo or completely make up a persona. Why? There are different theories. Sometimes catfishers are bored or lonely. Sometimes they’re too insecure to date as themselves and so they pretend to be someone else. Look for these signs that you might be the victim of catfishing.
He’s quick to be affectionate, though may not ask many questions about you. He texts several times a day and always asks how you are. He makes you feel good because, hey, this guy really likes you! And yet…he really hasn’t bothered to find anything out about your personality or history. I’m not saying a good man can’t fall for you quickly, but just go slowly until you meet him and get to know him.
He’s got his whole backstory down pat, and there’s usually some trauma there. I know a woman who talked to a man who, in the first five texts, told her that both his parents had died when he was little. I mean, it might be true, but is that really something you’d come out with so early in the game? In this case, he was looking for her sympathy to hook her.
He wants to get off the dating app and get your number. Probably because if you realize he’s catfishing you, you’ll report his profile!
He can’t talk on the phone. Naturally, if you’re dating someone, you want to talk to them. But this man always has an excuse. He can’t talk at work. His battery is dying. He’s at his mom’s house. After a few excuses, realize there’s something more going on.
He drags his feet to meet you. He’s all about texting you 24/7, but even after a few weeks, he’s not asking you out. Then you ask him out…and it’s one excuse after another. A lot of times, catfishers will claim to be deployed overseas, which makes it convenient, since they can’t meet for coffee.
He doesn’t have photos of his face on his profile. I advise women to never, ever start chatting with a man who won’t show his photos on his dating profile. He’s hiding something. Either he’s not who he says he is, or he’s married and doesn’t want to be caught.
3. Learn How to Reverse Image Search
Here’s a tricky little tool to see if you can find more photos of this guy to make sure he is who he says he is. Right click his photo on a dating site or screenshot it. On Google.com, click the camera icon in the search bar and upload the photo from his profile. If he’s used that photo anywhere else, it will appear in search results. You might find his Facebook page or other dating profile.
You’re looking to make sure that his image is on profiles with the name he’s given you! I know a woman who did this from a dating app for a man who said he was named Stefano, Italian, living in California. The search revealed that he was not Italian, his name was Pete, and he lived in Ohio! The guy didn’t even know that someone had stolen his photo to use on dating sites as a catfish. This trick can reveal a lot!
4. Do a Little Investigating
Is online dating safe? It is if you’re a super sleuth!
Is online dating safe? The more you know, the safer it is. I’m not saying you have to go all stalker on the guy, but Google his name and see what comes up. If there’s a warrant out for his arrest, block him!
Just be careful: it’s easy to get pulled down the rabbit hole here. You Google him and he turns out to be legit…so you start clicking on links and social profiles. In 10 minutes, you know far more about this guy than he’s actually told you. This can be a problem if you mention his recent sailboat race win…and he asks how in the heck you knew about it. Awkward….
5. Take Your Time Before Agreeing to a First Date
There’s not a lot to be gained by agreeing to go out with a man you’re chatting with through a dating app within a day or two of virtually meeting, and the more time you take before you meet, the more you can get to know him and be assured that he won’t chop you in a thousand pieces on that date. I kid!…mostly.
If he’s genuinely interested in you (and not just looking for a hookup), he’ll be patient and agree to wait to meet. If he asks within the first few minutes of texting whether you want to meet…and it’s 9 pm…he’s probably just looking for one thing.
You need to be comfortable with this man before meeting him. Talking just builds the relationship, so talk for several days or even weeks before you meet him.
6. Talk on the Phone Before a Date
I can’t really explain why talking on the phone can give you reassurance that he’s not a creep…but it’s true. In this era of texting, it takes a little commitment to agree to actually talk on the phone, so if he agrees (or even suggests it), it’s a good sign that he’s really interested in you.
Also, it’s hard to get to know someone via text. Even if you voice-to-text it, you have a delay between your question and his response. A phone conversation allows you to dive deeper into those getting-to-know-you questions and lets you see what kind of chemistry you have in conversation.
And I guess if he sounds like a complete weirdo…you can then block him and not worry about it.
Another of my female coaching clients moved from the dating app to a phone call, and the man sounded like he’d drunk 10 cups of coffee (or was on speed). Within five minutes, he told her he’d been diagnosed with mania…then asked her to meet up that night. She found an excuse to get off the phone…and blocked him.
7. When You Do Meet, Make it a Public Place
A coffee date is the perfect way to meet a guy for the first time.
“Come over to my house, baby,” he purrs, “I’ll cook you dinner.”
As sexy as a man who cooks is…you don’t need to accept this invitation for the first time you meet someone. The man should understand your need to feel safe. Choose a restaurant or bar. Make it a place you’re familiar with. Park under a street light if it’s night time.
DON’T meet at his house or anywhere remote. And if he tries to bully you into doing it, realize that this guy does not have good intentions!
8. Tell Your Friend Where You’re Going
Is online dating safe? The jury’s still out, but if you take precautions like telling a friend where you’re meeting this guy, you pretty much eliminate most of the risk.
Let one or more friends know where you’ll be, and at what time. You may even tell them to text you to check in…or ask them to send a fake emergency text if things aren’t going well!
I know some women who even download an app that will keep up with the location of their friend’s phone in case something goes wrong. You can’t be too cautious!
9. Read His Profile Carefully
Not all men fill out their online dating profiles thoroughly, but many do. Keep an eye out for any red flags you might otherwise miss if you focus on his handsome photos:
“Just want a hookup”
“In a polyamorous relationship”
“The wife and I are looking for a third!”
You probably want to move on from these profiles (though, you might not. No judgment!). It pays to read!
10. Plan for the Date to be Short
“Look at the time! I’ve got to go!”
Meeting for coffee is a great first date, and should only last an hour or two. If you’re uncomfortable or don’t like the guy, you can make an excuse to leave. If you do have a good time, extend the date to dinner!
You could even tell him before the date that you have an appointment a couple of hours after the date. If you feel bad about lying, make plans with a friend to do a post-date dish so you actually do have plans. And even if the date goes well, being slightly unavailable will make him want you more!
11. Ask the Right Questions
It may seem silly, but even asking “have you ever been married” can lead to some interesting answers. Some men (certainly not all) will be completely open. They may even admit that they’re married…in which case you have the chance to get out before you get involved in a bad situation.
Scary but true: at least 30% of Tinder users are married! Some will openly admit it in their profiles (and some women are even into being the mistress). Others may admit it once they meet you, hoping you’ll understand. Still others will try to keep it under wraps permanently, so put on your Super Sleuth hat and do some investigating if you’re concerned that he might be keeping something from you.
And asking what he’s looking for before you meet can help you find out if he’s just looking for a hookup so you don’t waste your time.
12. Use Photos You Don’t Use Anywhere Else
Just like you can do that reverse image search on him, so can he do it on your photos. If your dating profile pics are the same ones you use on social media, he can easily find out a lot of information about you. Not cool.
Use a photo that you haven’t used anywhere online to keep your data safe.
13. Don’t Let Him Pick You Up on the First Date
You have no idea if you’re going to want to go on a second date, so why would you let this guy know where you live before you’ve met him? Even if he’s trying to be chivalrous, tell him that you’ll meet him at the venue. That way you aren’t relying on him for a ride home if you’re ready to go home…and you know you’ll get home safely.
14. Trust Your Gut
If he gives you the creeps by telling you he loves you after texting you for two days…block him.
If you meet him and he can’t stop staring at your breasts…run away.
If he asks for money…report him on the dating app.
(That’s a thing, by the way. All dating apps have an option to report and/or block a guy. You can specify that he’s not who he says he is, that he’s being vulgar or inappropriate, etc. Use that feature so that other women don’t end up being annoyed by the same man!)
Your instinct will tell you if you’re talking to a man who is not worthy of you. Listen to it. Even if your first online dating experience isn’t what you hoped for — whether you didn’t click or he turned out to be an utter d-bag — realize that the more effort you put into dating online, the better the results you’ll get. And I promise: there are some really great guys on dating apps! You’ll find one!
You can have a lot of fun on dating apps if you let yourself!
If you’re serious about meeting Mr. Right, you greatly increase your odds of meeting him sooner by doing everything you can to meet more single men. Commit to it like a part-time job. Sign up for meetups (if nothing else, you’ll meet other people who understand what it’s like to be out there dating). Go to bars and restaurants with friends. Go to parties where you don’t know everyone. See who your friends know.
And yes, try online dating.
It may be scary at first. After all, the last time you were single, dating apps didn’t exist. Your only option was meeting someone in person. But look at dating apps as a benefit: they can connect you to really cool people you wouldn’t otherwise run into.
Talk to me. Have you tried dating apps? Do you have any success stories…or laughable moments? Share them in the comments below!
To trust or not to trust in a relationship — that is the question.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this: you start liking a man…you get that oxytocin flowing through your veins…you can’t stop thinking about him… but can you really trust this feeling? And can you really trust this guy?
If you’re divorced or have recently been cheated on, trust may not come easily. You may have built a wall around your heart that you’re just not sure how to take down…or if you even want to.
3 Signs You Can FINALLY Open Your Heart to Him - YouTube
I know you want to trust a man and have trust in a relationship. But I absolutely want you to listen to your intuition because it will tell you a lot. These three signs will help you do just that.
So you want to know if you can put trust in this relationship. If you can let your guard down and be vulnerable with this man.
Let’s start with the definition of trust:
Trust is consistency over time.
Let that soak in a bit.
Now let’s look at an example. Let’s say you’ve known a guy for two months, and in that time, he’s flaked on you three times.
You cannot trust this man to not flake on you. He’s had a low consistency of trustworthiness over a short period of time.
Now, if you’ve known a guy for two years and he’s only flaked on you twice, you can still probably trust him to follow through with plans he makes with you. He probably just had stuff going on in his life those two times. Overall, he’s had high consistency of trustworthiness over a longer period of time.
You see the difference, right?
Okay, so in this article and video, I’m going to explore this concept of trust in a relationship and give you three key signs to look for as you get to know a man.
What to Look for to Know You Have Trust in a Relationship
Once you learn to trust in a relationship, your whole world opens up!
I personally don’t think you can have a healthy relationship without trust. It’s the most critical component of a relationship. I’m not saying trust in a relationship is easy. It can be really difficult, especially if you’ve been cheated on or ended a long-term relationship.
If you’ve been deeply hurt in the past, this article is for you. You can learn to trust in a relationship again, and it will take work, but I’m going to help you know when to be vulnerable with the right guy.
1. He’s a Straight Shooter in Most Areas of His Life
If you notice that a guy isn’t afraid to be upfront with people in his life, maybe at work or with his friends, then it’s likely that he will be a straight shooter (honest and open) with you in a relationship.
Alternately, if you notice that he’s uncomfortable or even terrified at the prospect of engaging in real dialogue with someone, or if he has trouble telling someone something that will be difficult to hear (“you’re fired,” for example), it’s going to be hard for you to trust that man.
You can learn a lot from a person if you just pay attention to how he is with other people. Notice how this man treats his friends and family, waiters in restaurants, coworkers…anyone, really. If you get a bad vibe, you probably won’t be able to trust him fully.
2. He’s There for You When You Need Him
Look, I get it: we’re all busy at times — I get busy in my life for sure — but when it comes to being there for your partner when they really, truly need you, that’s when you can really learn to trust some people and not others.
Is he there for you when you really need him the most?
Maybe something bad happened at work…maybe you’re going through challenges with your family…
If he is…you can start to trust in the relationship and in him.
On the other hand, if, when bad things happen in your life, he completely disappears because he doesn’t like talking about all that “gushy stuff,” then it’s not going to work out with him. Acknowledge this early before you invest any more time in him.
3. He Has Discipline
Being trustworthy — when it comes to not cheating or flirting with another woman when he’s dating you — comes down to discipline. A disciplined man who has committed to you won’t cross that line into doing things that are inappropriate for a man in a relationship.
There’s always going to be temptation at certain times in life — maybe he’s at a party when you’re is out of town and someone starts flirting with him…or a co-worker expresses interest in him. He can either be tempted and act on it or push those people away because he’s in a committed relationship.
An undisciplined man will give in to that temptation, but a disciplined man won’t.
How can you spot a disciplined man? He may work out regularly, eat healthy foods, show up to work on time, basically follow through on commitments. If he’s disciplined in other aspects of his life, chances are he will be disciplined in a relationship too.
There you have it: three signs that you can trust a relationship.
The key to a successful relationship is that once he truly proves himself, you need to actually open up to him, to trust him.
I know it can be hard, based on your past. But while it’s easy to close yourself off from ever truly trusting someone again, I challenge you to be vulnerable with this man, to open up your heart to a new opportunity because if you keep your heart closed off, you will never attract that love that you want.
As part of learning to trust in a relationship, you have to have commitment. In my webinar, I teach you how to make a man miss you and commit to only you. Get your access today!
If you’re struggling to figure out how to keep a man interested, you can probably relate to this frustrating scenario: you’ve been dating someone for a few months and you’re really into him. You even start to let your guard down and even tell your parents or your friends about this man and how great he is.
Then, all of a sudden…
3 Ways to Keep Him Pursuing YOU (How to Keep a Man Interested) - YouTube
What’s up with that??
You’re kicking yourself that you didn’t do a better job of keeping his attention. Now some other woman gets this cool guy.
This video and article are for all you sexy, single ladies that have had to deal with men ghosting (and I’m betting that’s any woman reading this article!). Here, I’ll give you three core strategies to help you learn how to keep a man in your life who absolutely loves spending time with you.
P.S. To help you in your journey of learning how to keep a man interested, I’ve created this special training program to teach you how to make a man miss you and want to commit to only you! Sign up now to get access.
Before we dive into some techniques that will teach you how to keep a man interested and engaged, let me just say this: if a guy is totally uninterested in being in a relationship with you, then don’t waste your time trying to keep him interested. This is where listening to your intuition should come into play. If you get the sense that he’s over it — that is, being with you — notice that and don’t try to force it. What’s the point? He’s clearly not the one for you.
This article and video are geared more for those early days when you first start dating. He more than likely is talking to other women, so at this point, you want to know how to keep a man interested in you so that he’ll ditch those other women and focus on only you.
3 Lessons to Learn How to Keep a Man Interested in You
Working at how to keep a man interested can make him more committed.
I’ve coached thousands of women — and men — on how to create a love life that they absolutely adore. I’ve spoken at universities and other venues talking about dating and relationships. Now, I know there are a lot of so-called dating coaches out there who will give you advice on how to keep a man into you like “play mind games with him” or “make him jealous on social media.”
Let me just say: that’s not real advice. It’s not helpful. You need strategies for how to keep a man interested and engaged that are for grown-ups, and that actually work! So if you’re ready, let me give you exactly that.
1. Remember: You are Worth Keeping
How’s your self-esteem? Do you know how amazing you are? Or do you struggle to feel good about yourself when dating men who clearly don’t know your worth?
Not only that but also low self-esteem can distort your perception of your partner, according to research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In the study, researchers asked more than 500 men and women to complete questionnaires about their self-esteem and then asked them how threatened they felt by their partner’s flaws. Those with low self-esteem were not only more threatened by their partner’s imperfections, but they were also more likely to view their relationships in black-and-white terms: as all good or all bad.
In short, once you start realizing your intrinsic value and self-worth, you can be more successful at engaging a man. Once you realize you’re high-value, he will too.
2. Show Him That He’s Worth Keeping
When you appreciate the little things he does, he wants to do more of them.
Okay, this may come out incredibly condescending toward guys, but the fact is: men are like puppies. When we do something good, reward us with a treat, and what do you know? We’ll continue with that behavior.
Let’s say you just finished dinner and he walks you to your car door and opens the door for you.
A great way to acknowledge the effort and his chivalry — because we know that chivalry is almost dead these days — is: before you get in the car, kiss him on the cheek and say “that’s so sweet! Guys never open doors anymore.”
From that point forward, he will never not open a door for you. Give him that treat when he does something well; reward him with praise or an affectionate gesture.
Here’s another example: let’s say he plans a nice Friday night dinner for you. To show your appreciation, surprise him with dinner next time.
I find that the best type of relationship is when both people invest more and more into the relationship, trying to make the other person happier.
While you might assume that the person on the receiving end of a kind gesture or action would be the most pleased with the effort, research actually shows that the giver feels more positive and has higher self-esteem. The giver also feels more committed to the recipient, because he values something (you) more when he’s invested in it.
Once you get past that first three to six months in a new relationship, you’ll probably start to lose some of that intense butterflies-in-the-stomach sensation every time you see this guy. Some of the flirting may be gone, but that means you need to work even hard to figure out how to keep a guy interested.
Even if those butterflies have flown away, you need to still have flirtatious banter with your guy. I encourage you to set aside time to go on dates, to remember what it was like when you were first getting to know one another.
So how can you put a little flirt into your relationship? Maybe wink at him when you’re at a party and are on opposite sides of the room. Playfully kiss his hand. Tickle him. Give him butterfly kisses. Just keep things light and fun!
Now you see what I meant when I said I wasn’t going to give you ridiculous advice about how to keep a man interested. These are mature suggestions. They’re based on building a relationship of respect and passion, and that’s not something that’s guaranteed in a relationship. If you’re serious about this man, you need to work to show him that you are worth his time, that you appreciate what he does, and that, even months or years down the road, he still makes your toes tingle. If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll 100% reciprocate your effort.
So now I want to hear from you in the comments below! Have you tried one or all of these strategies for how to keep a man into you? Do you have other tips to share with our Sexy Confidence community? What I love about this site is how supportive you ladies are of one another, so don’t keep your super awesome tip to yourself! Share the love!
If you find yourself stuck in a series of casual relationships where the guy refuses to commit, I recommend you check out my free Make Him Commit Webinar. I’ll teach you how to get a man to want to commit to only you.
You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?
In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?
What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?
Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.
“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”
“I never said that!”
“You’re being paranoid.”
Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.
Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.
Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.
I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!
The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.” In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!
Types of Gaslighting
There are several ways a man can gaslight you.
There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.
“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”
He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!
“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”
In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.
“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”
If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.
“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”
This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting…but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.
“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”
He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.
Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.
1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things
Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.
Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.
2. He Says You’re Overreacting
Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.
Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.
Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is notyour problem.
3. Your Confidence is Dwindling
You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.
Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”
You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?
4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand
In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.
Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.
5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough
5 Signs He's Seeing Other Women - YouTube
“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”
The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.
He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.
This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.
6. He Seems Like Two Different People
Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible…that’s when you think you might need to leave him.
A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.
Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.
7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him
I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?
He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.
8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT
Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.
Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.
9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave
He’s making you feel unworthy.
Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.
Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.
Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.
10. He Turns Things Around on You
Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.
Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.
The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.
11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him
This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!
You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.
What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You
Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.
Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.
Realize That You’re Not Crazy
If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.
If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.
So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.
Write Down Conversations
The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!
Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.
Don’t Engage in an Argument
This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.
Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You
By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.
Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him
I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!
Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.
What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.
Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?
Jumpstart your next move in finding true love. Sign up for my exclusive training that will help you attract the right man who will commit to you without making you feel terrible.
You’ve been dating a man for a few weeks, and while you think it’s going okay, you find yourself looking for signs he is talking to someone else. You’re afraid to get too emotionally invested in this situation until you’re sure that he’s interested in you and you alone.
Maybe you’re paranoid because you’ve been cheated on before. Maybe he’s exhibiting behavior (like the following) that gives you good reason to question what’s going on. The point is: if you aren’t secure in this, you need to do some investigating.
Should You Worry if He IS Talking to Someone Else?
If the evidence is there, don’t deny it.
Not necessarily. If you haven’t had “the talk” about being exclusive, you can’t expect him to commit to only you. In the early days of dating, it’s pretty common for one or both people to talk to or date more than one person. I understand if you’re recently divorced and new to dating again, this may come as a shocker. You’re used to monogamy (at least on your end), and here you’re in a world that doesn’t seem to value being with just one person, at least at the start of a relationship.
That’s why it’s important to have that “talk” about what you want. You should make it clear if you are not okay with him seeing other people, or find out that he is, which then gives you permission to also date more than one person at once.
If, however, you have had “the talk,” this is serious. If he has told you that yes, he wants to commit to only you but you think he’s showing signs he is talking to someone else, that’s disrespectful, and you need to end things immediately. You deserve better, and you know that.
And realize that talking to another woman doesn’t necessarily mean he’s sleeping with her…but he can be just as unfaithful. There’s a new term floating around the internet called “micro-cheating:” it refers to small actions that amount to the guy you’re with being physically or emotionally invested in someone other than you.
“You might be engaging in micro-cheating if you secretly connect with another guy/girl on social media; if you share private jokes; if you downplay the seriousness of your relationship to another guy/girl; or if you enter their name under a code in your phone,” said Melanie Schilling, a dating expert.
So whatever he’s doing, if you don’t feel good about it, you’re entirely within your rights to express your frustration and even end the relationship.
What to Look For: Signs He’s Talking to Someone Else
5 Signs He's Seeing Other Women - YouTube
Whatever the reason you’re questioning what’s really going on with this guy, here are the signs he is talking to someone else that you shouldn’t ignore.
1. He’s Less Available
When you started going out with this man, he was all about you and made an effort to spend as much time with you as possible. Since then…the time you spend together has tapered off, and you’re wondering why. Has he just lost interest? Is he actually busy? Is he dating other people?
This alone isn’t enough evidence that he’s talking to someone else, but combined with other signs, you might be on red alert.
2. He Mentions Something You Didn’t Do With Him
One day when you’re hanging out with this guy and he says something about the movie Deadpool as if you’d seen it together. You most definitely did NOT see it together…and now you’re adding this to the list of signs he is talking to someone else. And you should! It should be easy enough to remember whether he watched a movie with you or not, so likely he watched it with another female. Jeez. This guy can’t even keep his women straight.
3. He Gets a Lot of Texts or Calls When You’re Together
It feels like every time you’re together, his phone is going off. Whether he shoves it back in his pocket after checking to see who it is or actually takes time to respond to a text while you’re sitting across from him, you’re starting to feel like a second-class citizen.
First of all, I believe that you shouldn’t respond to texts or calls when you’re with anyone else. It’s just disrespectful. And if this guy isn’t respecting you and might be texting other women while he’s with you, he’s not worth wasting your time on.
Test him. The next time this happens, ask who he’s texting. See if he fumbles with an answer. If he does, he’s probably talking to someone else.
4. He Seems to Be Hiding Something
Do you feel like he’s keeping secrets from you?
There are gaps in his schedule that he doesn’t account for. When you ask what he did last night, he mumbles something about going to sleep early (but you saw him “liking” photos on Instagram at 2 AM). He gets cagey when you ask him many questions. You feel like you’re being too invasive…but you know what? No. You’re not. You deserve straight answers. If he can’t give them to you, then he’s hiding something.
5. You Catch Him Checking Out Other Women
Guys like this give the rest of us a bad name!
Let’s say you’re at a bar with your dude and you flat out watch him check out a girl’s ass. WTF?? You call him out on it and he denies it. But you’re not stupid.
Whether you’ve talked about being exclusive or not, checking out other women is, once again, disrespectful. You may like other aspects about this guy but if he can’t keep his eyes to himself, then it’s not going to work out long-term.
6. Plans Happen on His Schedule, Not Yours
You’re starting to feel like you’re trying to get an appointment with Oprah…this guy is making it really hard to schedule a date with him. Sure, he’s busy, but it feels like he’s the one in charge of when you get together.
It seems like a simple thing. You are an avid social media user, and you think it’s perfectly normal for you to want to friend this man on Facebook. But when you send him a friend request…he ignores it. When you ask why, he makes up some excuse.
“I’m never on there.”
“Let’s focus on real-life.”
Sure, women tend to use Facebook and other social media more than men, and maybe he really isn’t into it, but he also could be hiding something…like photos of him with other women. There’s not much you can do to crack into his account, but just add this to the list of signs that he’s talking to someone else.
8. He Doesn’t Want You to Meet His Friends (or to Meet Yours)
A man who’s willing to commit to you and only you wants to meet your friends and introduce you to his. He’s proud to be with you and wants to get to know the people who are important to you. But this guy is stalling. He keeps coming up with excuses about why you can’t meet his friends (they’re busy) and when you invite him to a gathering with your friends…he’s busy.
C’mon. The man could at least meet one of your friends after dating you for several weeks. But you need to see this for what it is: evidence that he really doesn’t want to go deep in this thing with you. He’d rather keep things casual. If that’s not okay with you…it’s time to bail.
9. He Called You Someone Else’s Name
There’s nothing more unforgivable than being called someone else’s name!
Ohhhh. The biggest of all signs he is talking to someone else (and doing a whole lot more with them). You’re in bed having wild sex when all of a sudden, he calls out, “Ohhhh Stephanie!”
Your name isn’t Stephanie.
Either he’s still hung up on an ex…or he’s banging a woman named Stephanie. Either way, there’s no future with this man.
Do call him out on it.
10. He’s Not as Gung-Ho About You
Man, when you first started dating this guy, he was so all about you. He’d text you throughout the day to let you know he was thinking about you. He’d bring you flowers “just because.”
But since those early days, his attention has waned. He texts less and less, and never gives you little gifts anymore. While a relationship will change over time, use your intuition. Does it feel like the reason he’s less enamored with you is because his attention is elsewhere? Does he seem distracted?
He may not feel as strongly as he once did about you, and he may be scared to end things, so he keeps stringing you along. Or else, he wants to keep you in his back pocket in case things don’t work out with the other women he’s talking to. Either way, this doesn’t jibe with what you want and need in a relationship, so it’s up to you to do something about it.
11. He Doesn’t Talk About the Future
You mention a concert that’s happening in a month, and he squirms.“Let’s just see what happens.”
Not all the signs he’s talking to someone else are so subtle. He may flat-out tell you that he wants to “keep things casual.”
I hate that phrase. It says that he wants to have sex with you with no emotional ties. It’s rare that two people who are dating both feel the same about keeping things casual or not. In this case, you’re looking for a man you can rely on. Who you can fall for. So by him saying he wants to keep things light, he’s blocking any potential for a future. And he’s ensuring that he still gets laid by you…and maybe others.
When you first started dating, he loved taking you dancing, out to dinner, to parties. Since then, your love life has amounted to Netflix and chill…emphasis on the “chill.”
I get it. You know that as you evolve in a relationship, you’ll go out less and spend more time at home. But this doesn’t feel right. It feels like he doesn’t want to take you out…and there may be a reason for it.
14. There’s a Woman Who’s Around a Lot
“We’re just friends! Why are you so paranoid?” he says.
Maybe she’s an ex-girlfriend who he assures you is just a friend. Maybe she’s a co-worker he spends a lot of time with. Whoever she is, she’s around more than you think a friend should be.
Again, trust your gut. It’s perfectly fine for this guy to have female friends. But if this one gives you the Evil Eye whenever you see her…or if they seem to giggle a lot with inside jokes…or the situation in any way makes you feel like it’s more than friends…this could be one of the signs he is talking to someone else.
15. Sex is All You Do These Days
Those days of wining and dining are over. These days, you’re lucky if he texts you at midnight:
The sex is great, so you’re not complaining…only you’re starting to see that you’re not so much dating this guy as…well, you get the picture.
If you’re fine having only a physical relationship, go for it. But realize that by pulling back from wooing you and taking you out and just coming over to get his rocks off, this guy is majorly disrespecting you.
16. You See Him with Other Women
If they’re cozied up…they’re not friends.
“I saw Chad with a woman at a bar the other day…they looked pretty cozy.”
You’re getting this message from your friends…or else you’re seeing it firsthand. And while you shouldn’t mind if he’s out with female friends, you should read into his body language with this woman. Are they spaced far apart and just friendly, or are they cozied up together, touching one another? You can’t rely on what he’ll tell you because, of course, he will tell you that they’re just friends. Rely on your instinct.
So you agree that you’ve spotted several signs he is talking to other women and now you need to figure out your best course of action. First, decide how important commitment is to you. Maybe you’re at a place in your life where you’re not ready to commit to a man, so it’s not a big deal that he’s dating other people. But admit if it bothers you, or you’ll constantly be annoyed with the situation.
Talk about it. You can’t get mad if you haven’t discussed being exclusive. And if you are okay with him dating other people, it’s still a good idea to talk about it to get everything out in the open. He might be shocked to know that you’re okay with it…because you want to date other people too. It’s important that you are on the same page, regardless of where you go with this relationship.
Assess how you feel about him. Is he worth committing to and trying to get him to commit to you? If not, back off or date other people yourself. There are other fish in the sea.
Let him know what you want. If it’s unacceptable, tell him. He may have just been waiting for this conversation to realize that he wants only you. You don’t know if that’s a possibility if you don’t talk about it, and he can’t know what you want if you don’t tell him.
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