You are made of energy. There’s no getting away from it. Everything in the Universe is made of pure energy. It takes many different forms: from low-vibrating materially-manifested energy, to the highest clearest spiritual kind. Your aura is a gentle radiating energy field which is in constant flux. It emanates from you, and surrounds your whole body. Some people can see or sense it; others cannot. The color of your aura reflects your emotional state. Happy emotions cause a bright, clear positive aura to radiate outward and you’ll notice that people are attracted to someone with a high-vibrating, happy aura. So what does it mean if you don’t have a happy aura? What if you have a black aura?
What’s This Aura Thing Again?
Your aura is a mix of light (color) that flows from your chakras or energy centers. The color shifts and changes constantly, but generally there is one dominating hue and one lesser, but quite strong color. These two colors are called ‘auric pairs.’ If one chakra is out of balance, its color will leak into the aura. If several are out of balance, the whole aura will be affected.
Every living thing has an aura, from insects to oak trees.
The more vivid and bright, the aura, the more the person has a strong connection to source energy. They feel vital, alive and life is a breeze. They are passionate, eager, and engaged in what they do. Getting up in the morning is the best feeling.
A black aura, rather than emanating strong, clean vibrations is sluggish. It absorbs, rather than radiates energy. If you’ve ever heard the term ‘energy vampire’, then you’ll know now exactly what that means. After you’ve spent time with someone with a dark aura, you’ll feel drained and depleted. It takes a little time to shrug off that negative feeling and find your natural energy balance again.
I Have Been Told I Have a Black Aura
First of all, you need to know that a dark aura does not mean you are evil, or have evil surrounding you, or that you are cursed. Secondly, hooray, now you know what’s going on, you can do something about it.
There are many causes of a dark, muddy, or black aura. The most common cause is a simple bout of negative energy, caused by a low mood, that has a temporary affect on your aura. In this case, there’s nothing to worry about. Your mood will soon bounce back and your aura will naturally clear. However, auras which remain black generally have a long-term underlying cause, such as:
Chronic depression and mental illness
Extremely low self-esteem and confidence
Constant negative thoughts
Fear, anxiety, despair, hopelessness, grief
Continual thoughts of failure
A focus on negative events
An unwillingness to forgive, and let go of grudges
Poor living arrangements
Low energy levels
As your aura is a reflection of your state of health and well-being, it makes sense that, as you address the underlying problems, your aura and general emotional energy is going to improve. However, it works both ways. Clean up your aura first and you stand a better chance of dealing with the problems.
Cleaning Up a Dark Aura
One thing to recognize is that a black aura is not your natural auric color. It’s dominating and obscuring your true colors. It’s opaque, whereas a normal aura is clear, even the darker, high vibrating colors like indigo.
Another point to remember is that, you won’t clear a dirty aura with one cleansing. It has to be an ongoing process–working on the chakras, and the physical and mental levels too. However, start with an aura cleanse and you will likely feel a lifting of your spirits which, in turn, will enable you to begin making those important life changes.
If you know that you are in a temporary phase, such as grief or loss, then don’t do anything. Let your natural cycles take care of things. If it continues longer than it should, then you can take steps to get yourself back to normal again.
Aura Cleaning Exercise: Visualization
Start here. This is a simple visualization that will give instant relief. It will be temporary at first, but the more you do it, the ‘lighter’ you’ll become. It will provide a chance for positive energy to flow to and from you.
Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Mentally see yourself surrounded by a slow-swirling dark cloud. Really feel its negative influence over your whole body and mind. Ugh, it feels horrible, doesn’t it?
Now just imagine, the cloud beginning to dissipate. Every now and then, you get a glimpse of a beautiful color through tiny gaps in the darkness. Maybe you see warm gold, or brilliant blue or vibrant green, or shimmering magenta. See the black dissolving, wisping away while the bright colors become visible, surrounding you with positivity. Visualize the glorious colors mixing with the most beautiful pearlescent white that seems to pour down over you like a celestial waterfall from above. Just sit there and enjoy the feeling for as long as you like.
Do you think you could repeat that short visualization every day? It need only take a few minutes.
Other Aura Cleansing Methods
There are many other ways to clean your aura. Here are a few suggestions:
Run a bath, and add Himalayan salts and any fresh or dried herbs you have to hand. Lavender or rosemary are good. One or two drops of essential oil would help. Relax and visualize the cleansing water soaking away the darkness around you. If you can have a refreshing shower afterward, that’s even better.
Carry a cleansing crystal; clear or pink quartz is good.
The right kind of music can help you. Whatever lifts your heart and gives you joy.
Meditation is highly recommended. It will cleanse your aura and prepare you for healing on all levels:
Passive-aggressive is often a blanket description given to a particular personality type,”The person always behaves in this way and displays these characteristics.” In fact, it’s not always so clear cut. While there are definitely people who are passive-aggressive types (commonly suffering from Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder, see footnote), most often it is learned behavior displayed by many of us in order to make our feelings felt by others without actually verbalizing them. And it is rife in the arena of personal relationships. Everyone is passive-aggressive at one time or another. Even you.
So What is Passive-Aggressiveness?
Passive-aggressive behavior happens when a person’s outward actions and words do not convey their inner thoughts and opinions. They may be feeling anger, fear, resentment or hostility, but disguise it by certain behavior. A classic sign might be someone who feels they are taken for granted by their family and doing the chores while constantly sighing, or completing them badly.
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash
Examples of Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Julienne and Bo work full-time. They are busy people and often struggle to keep things running smoothly at home. It’s one of Bo’s chores to empty the dishwasher and put the crockery and utensils away. He hates this job so amuses himself by putting items in the wrong place, or stacking objects so they are almost bound to topple. He knows it drives Julienne crazy, especially when she’s preparing a meal and reaches for something and it isn’t there. She retaliates by slamming around the kitchen. Neither voices their dissatisfaction. Yet something so trivial can seep into the rest of their evening, causing unspoken friction.
Jared is unhappy about some aspect of family life and he attempts to be open and start a discussion with his wife, Petra. He’s calm and considered, describes the problem and asks if they can have a discussion. Petra replies, “Sure, whatever.” And leaves the room. Jared is left frustrated and angry. When he confronts Petra about it, she says, “Oh, I didn’t realize you wanted to talk about it there and then.”
Christopher’s girlfriend hates his driving. She doesn’t criticize him out loud but she’ll make a point of holding on to the door, or grimacing when he takes a corner a little too fast. In retaliation he drives too close to the curb, or deliberately aims for potholes.
Carolann knows she has upset her husband, Seth. She’s not sure what she’s done to make him angry so she tries to make amends by cooking him his favorite meal. He picks at it and tells her he’s not hungry, leaving her feeling upset. Within an hour he’s in the kitchen looking for a snack.
Signs of Passive-Aggressiveness in Your Partner
Says things like, “I was just kidding.” Or “Can’t you take a joke?”
Gives the silent treatment
Acts dismissive, “Yeah, okay, whatever.”
Plays the martyr. Doing things with barely disguised resentment
Completes tasks shoddily so that their partner has to re-do or finish the job properly
Practices deliberate procrastination or 'forgetfulness'
Expects you to know what they want without them actually telling you
Punishes you in subtle ways
Muttering an insult as they walk away
Saying, “What did you say it like that for?” Usually, there’s two-way passive-aggression happening
Retelling a conversation that never happened, “Yes, you said you would…”
Starting a fight by saying, “Don’t start now.”
Holding in anger over a perceived slight, then eventually exploding in frustration because your partner hasn’t apologized
You or your partner plays the victim.
Signs You Are on the Receiving End
As if you are in conflict but aren’t sure why, although you have your suspicions.
You are supposed to know what’s on their mind.
As though you expect too much.
Angry and frustrated.
You try and try to do the right thing but your efforts go unappreciated or undermined.
Confused. You aren’t sure what just happened.
Forced into having a disagreement.
Like you are agreeing to do something you don’t want to do.
Disquiet or discomfort after interacting with your partner but you don’t know why.
As though everything is your fault.
Photo by Niklas Hamann on Unsplash
How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive Behavior
When passive-aggressive behavior occurs early on in a relationship, you may decide to give the person a second chance. After all there may be a good reason why they were ‘off’ on that particular occasion. Yet, if you begin to see a pattern, you need to decide whether it’s worth your time and emotional investment. If you feel unhappy more often than unhappy, it might be a good idea to let that person go.
In an established relationship, passive-aggressiveness is a sign that things are not right. If your partner never behaved in this way before, then they are obviously unhappy. Do your best to address the issues. Suggest counseling or ask them outright why they are unhappy. It’s possible they may have problems outside the relationship, such as in work.
When individual incidents happen, your best course of action is to ignore them. At the same time, don’t allow your partner to overstep your boundaries. It is important for them to know that you will not accept being manipulated or bullied.
Another tactic is to use humor to break the tension. This also shows the other person that their behavior does not affect you.
Remember that passive-aggressive behavior towards you is rarely about you. However, ask yourself honestly, if anything you are doing or saying is triggering your partner’s behavior. If the answer is yes, modify your own behavior and responses.
Trying to reason with them.
Ignoring the behavior and smiling
Humor when appropriate
Maintaining your boundaries
Examining your own behavior and responses
Counseling if necessary.
Some relationships consist of two passive-aggressive partners. Somehow, they stay together while conducting a quiet, silent, raging war punctuated by sarcasm and spite. If this is the case with your relationship, don’t you want to sort it out? Why don’t you want to be happy with your partner? Only you can answer those questions.
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder or PAPD is when someone is borderline narcissistic. It generally stems from childhood and is a result of inbuilt personality traits and a disturbed or traumatic upbringing. This is a serious problem and requires professional psychiatric help.
Do psychic people inherit their abilities from their family line? We hear of many people calling themselves “3rd generation mediums.” Does that mean that someone with no psychic parents or grandparents can’t be psychic themselves? Are telepathic/clairvoyant abilities hereditary or are they something that could happen to anyone? And can a person simply decide to develop their supersensory skills?
It’s very true that many psychic mediums discover that sixth sense abilities are prevalent in their families. Often these gifts were kept hidden because no-one wanted to talk about it. Some even thought, rightly enough, that their abilities might put the whole family in danger, given the once popular view of witchcraft being aligned with devil worship. Thus, children and teens who seemed to be developing psychic abilities were trained not to speak of it, and not to reveal their gift to a living soul.
Women, in particular, were always extremely cautious about sharing their abilities. 300 years might seem like a long time ago, but accounts of witch trials still thread through family histories, both in the United States and throughout Europe. Even now, in certain African countries, being accused of witchcraft can result in torture and death, with mothers and grandmothers ripped from their families. No wonder people keep quiet about having super-sensory abilities.
Once upon a time, such gifted individuals were treasured and revered, then along came certain religious faiths which felt that their flocks were threatened by anyone who had a direct line to spirit. And so psychic communication was throughly stamped upon and people simply stopped talking about it.
The Hereditary Psychic
Like eye and hair color, shape of noses and ears, body type and build, psychic traits are sometimes passed down through families. They might skip a generation here and there, but, with any luck, it's possible to learn how gifts thread down through bloodlines. There is some speculation that families with a high incidence of twin births are more likely to share sixth sense traits.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
There’s no doubt that genetics can play an important part in whether someone has sixth sense or not. A person who has been brought up in a family where psychic powers are accepted as normal, is likely to develop those skills themselves.
Only when Jake grew up, and their father was about to pass away, did he discover that his brother had been seeing auras ever since he could remember. Jake is an empath, but had kept his ability from his family in case they thought he was weird or making stuff up. Once he began talking about it to his brother and the rest of his family, did he find out that psychic gifts were common among his forebears.
One couple had just found out that they were expecting a baby. They had told no-one, not one person. They they discovered that the woman’s five year old niece had been telling everyone who would listen that Auntie Jen was pregnant.
Another pregnant woman’s mother told her she’d dreamed that her grandmother had appeared to her and told her the baby would have brown eyes and curly chestnut hair, even though both parents were fair-haired and blue-eyed. When the baby was born, it seemed Mom was mistaken. But, sure enough, after the baby was a couple of months old, it became obvious his eyes were turning brown and his growing mop of hair was curly.
What if you haven’t inherited any psychic abilities from your family? Can you still be psychic?
Psychic Abilities and Difficult Childhoods
Some children develop psychic abilities during difficult childhoods. It’s as if they are able to move their consciousness to another level in order to avoid what is going on in reality. Several report having OBEs (out of body experiences) during times when they suffered hardship and/or abuse. Their pain and trauma caused them to become ultra-sensitive and this led to experiences of deep empathy and claircognizance.
Shirley grew up in a children’s home after she was removed from her alcoholic mother. She has no idea whether she came from a psychic family, but shortly after being transferred to the children’s home, she began to dream about other children there. She says she knew which children would be adopted, which ones were going to fall ill. She even dreamed about one boy tripping and breaking his leg. In every case she was right. She didn’t, however, foresee her own adoption at the age of eight. Shirley is now in her fifties and happily clairvoyant.
Photo by Silvan Mahler on Unsplash
Feeling Different and Developing Supernatural Gifts
It’s true that anyone can develop their psychic abilities. Everyone has the capability of tuning into their intuition or paying attention to their gut feeling. With, practice, these hunches will get stronger. The more you listen, the stronger and more frequent they will become.
Often fledgling psychics are disappointed because it doesn’t happen for them straight away, but it can take years of dedicated work to hone one’s psychic skills. Sometimes, there’s a problem because you think you have one type of skill but are completely overlooking another, stronger one. You might be trying to hear voices and messages, but ignoring the fact that you feel a strong empathy when someone is in emotional pain. Or perhaps you think you are an intuitive tarot reader, when in fact, your dreams are delivering messages frequently, but you are dismissing them.
The key to developing psychic ability is to be open to all possibilities, and one way to do that is through meditation. You may have a sudden revelation of where your psychic abilities lie. Or after meditating during the day, you might have a vivid dream that shows you what you have been missing all along. When you are with another person and they are talking, just ‘go within’ for a moment, and notice any random thoughts or feelings which arise. Perhaps, your sub-conscious is giving you some information or a message that you should pass on. Figure out a way of telling the other person; sometimes asking a question is the way to go. Try not to be too left field, or they will look at you askance.
Maybe You Are an Hereditary Psychic Without Even Knowing
If you can, talk to the older people in your family. Ask if they know if any of your forebears were psychic. It’s strange how elderly folk will open up and recount all kinds of information. All you have to do is ask.
What About You?
Does sixth sense run in your family? Please let us know in the comments.
With Valentines almost upon us, we thought we’d give the romance topic a little bit of a side-step and focus on those we truly love — our dogs. What is it about them that brings out our softer side? There could be very good reasons why we think more of our dog than other humans. So why do I love my dog more than I love you?
The Canine Connection
Apart from the beginning of your human relationship, when was the last time you really looked into your partner’s eyes? You know what we mean… that heart-melting shared connection that says so much without saying a thing? Can you remember any time recently? If yes, then congratulations, you are still madly in love. If not, then you are the same as most couples. Day-to-day living overtakes the simplicity of the ‘I love you love me’ state.
However, I bet you can remember looking at your dog, eye-to-eye. I bet it was as recent as last night, or even this morning, right before you placed his breakfast bowl on the floor.
Gazing into each others eyes is important, for both humans and dogs. When you look into your partner’s eyes, oxytocin, the pleasure hormone, is released in our brain. Oxytocin is fundamental in the bonding process. The same happens when you look at your dog and he looks at you. Scientists call it the ‘oxytocin-gaze positive loop’. It’s very likely that this gaze bonding occurred as humans began domesticating dogs. It evolved as the dogs’ way of ensuring good treatment, shelter, and food. The same with our human partners: “I’ll look after you if you will take care of my needs.”
The Unconditional Love Factor
Research has shown that dogs definitely feel emotions. Stanley Coren, Professor of Psychology at the University of British Columbia, has written many books on the topic of dog behavior and has identified key emotions such as pleasure, anger, fear, etc. He says that the unconditional factor in a dog’s reactions is because the dog never asks, ‘why?’ It acts on its senses alone. Humans are always looking for reasons why. Dogs never do.
People like to believe that dogs think like we do, but that is unlikely. Their behavior is purely based on their reactions to physical external and internal stimulus. Nevertheless, that hasn’t stopped us projecting all kinds of thoughts onto our beloved pooch. And why not?
Why I Love My Dog More Than I Love You
My dog is happy with regular feeding, walks, playtime, a comfy bed, and a cuddle. She doesn’t have any other expectations. She doesn’t:
Want me to binge-watch sport or sci-fi
Expect cordon bleu cooking
Want me to be nice to her mother
Mind when I cry all over her
Care if I eat all the ice-cream
Expect me to do her laundry
Attend boring corporate events
Get upset if I forget her birthday
Tell me what time to go to bed
Care if I spend all day in my pajamas
Mind if I spend all night on the internet.
My dog forgives me for:
My morning grumpiness
My bad moods
Talking too much
Not taking her out for a walk because the weather was truly awful
My garlic breath
Falling asleep during the movie
Taking her to the vet and the groomer
Using her as an excuse to leave early
Petting another dog
My dog’s pleasures in life are simple and uncomplicated. There’s no need for me to jump through hoops to make her happy. My dog loves:
To greet me when I come home
Riding in the car for its own sake
The smallest treat
Walking in the woods as much as I do
Snuggling on the couch
Chasing a stick or ball
Chewing a bone for hours
Me stroking her gorgeous, floppy ears
Meeting people/other dogs
Splashing in the stream
A trip to the beach
Some Love Their Dog More Than Their Kids
It’s true. Some women have freely admitted that they care more for their children than their pooch. It comes down to the process of independence that happens in humans. It’s normal for our sons to resist a cuddle as they grow. It’s normal for our daughters to keep secrets from us. It’s perfectly reasonable that, as they progress through puberty, our children want to spend more time with their friends than their parents.
That never happens with a dog because, when you commit to owning one, you also commit to taking care of them, from puppyhood to old age. Your children are supposed to grow away from you; your dog never does.
The Time Factor
There’s another reason why we lavish so much attention on our dogs. And that’s because we know their time with us is limited. The average dog’s life span is around 12 years. That’s not very long. It’s as if we are on borrowed time from the day they come into our lives. So we feel we need to pack as much love into those years that we would into a human lifespan. Every moment is precious. Every cuddle becomes more than ‘just a cuddle’. Every day that passes is one day fewer to spend with them.
Why The Loss of a Dog Cuts So Deep
Occasionally people feel guilty because they feel such deep loss and sadness when their dog passes away. Often they report that their emotions were much deeper and intense than when a loved one died. This is normal and natural. When a loved person passes over, we have to hold it together. We have to present a certain face to the world. It’s not the same with a dog. All our emotions, even long-suppressed and forgotten ones, tend to well up at this time. It’s almost as if the death of a pet is an opportunity to release and express them. The final gift from a beloved companion.
Is it possible that our loved ones say goodbye just as they pass over? Many people would tell you yes, they do. We’ve all heard of Near Death Experience (NDE), but there is also a phenomena known as Shared Death Experience (SDE). A shared death experience occurs when some message or unusual occurrance during, or just after, a person dies. Those who experience an SDE insist that their loved one was saying ‘goodbye’ or maybe ‘see ya’.
What is a Shared Death Experience?
The Shared Crossing Project describes SDE as “as an empathic co-experiencing of the passing away of their beloved.” It means that someone is so in tune with the dying person that they feel the exact moment they pass away. Whether they are right there with them or on the other side of the world. The phenomenon also includes messages delivered to the survivor just after death. These messages almost universally give comfort and reassurance to those who have recently been bereaved.
Many people report feeling overwhelming sadness or relief as a loved one passes, even when they didn't realise death was occurring. In lots of cases, they ‘knew’ their loved one had died without being told. Later, they’d discover that the death happened at the exact time they had the emotional response. Some have even reported feeling joy and happiness as their beloved was released from pain and suffering.
One woman says she awoke at the exact time of her father’s death and felt a light kiss just behind her ear and felt a wave of peace and love pour through her. Her dad used to always kiss her behind her ear when she was a little girl.
Physical Experiences of SDE
A young woman from London, UK, says she was sitting in abject sadness at the funeral home after the sudden death of her mother. She couldn’t stop sobbing in her grief. Then she noticed that a gold chain around her neck, given to her by her mother, began to get warm. The warmth spread and suffused all through her body and suddenly she knew that her mother was comforting her with love. Her sadness evaporated and, from then on, she felt peace and happiness whenever she thought of her mother.
Rachel and her ex-husband divorced many years previously but had always remained good friends and they had two grown up children. In 2010 her ex passed after a short battle with cancer. The next day, Rachel was driving quite near to the home they had shared together when she spotted a heron landing on a roof. She slowed down to take a better look, and remembered that herons were her former husband’s favorite birds. The heron looked right at her as she passed.
Later, she mentioned the incident to her son and he said that a heron had landed in his garden at the very same time. Rachel was quite astounded by this so phoned her daughter, who lived some distance away, and she also reported seeing a heron at that exact time. All three are convinced that dad had sent the birds to say goodbye.
Electrical Messages When Loved Ones Say Goodbye
One of the most common way that loved ones say goodbye is by interfering with electrical circuits and, in particular, lights.
LK says that her family had brought her grandfather’s ashes home after the funeral and they were temporarily placed in their living room. One of the lights in the room hadn’t worked for years so the family were surprised when the light suddenly came on. Once they had interned his ashes, the light stopped working again. Perplexed, her mother called in an electrician who showed her that the light couldn’t possibly work because the connecting wires were damaged.
Comfort From the Afterlife
It appears that the majority of people who receive messages from their loved ones feel nothing but peace and love. They say it helps them enormously to deal with the grieving process. In many cases, the receiver of the message felt only positive emotions about their loved one’s death. They say they know everything is good, that their beloved is at peace and they are certain they will reunite in time.
A study carried out on 20 book-length written accounts discovered one of the patterns shown was “instantaneous relief from painful grief symptoms”. This enabled surviving spouses, children and friends to move on with their life without having to deal with the long-term and very painful process of coming to terms with the death.
Signs Your Loved One is Saying Goodbye
You feel a presence close by.
Your body senses pressure or warmth.
It feels as if someone is watching you, but it’s not uncomfortable.
They may visit you in vivid dreams.
You may smell their perfume or something you always associated with them, such as tobacco or a baking cookies.
You hear their voice – one lady has a message on her answer-machine which asks “How are you?”. She knows it was from her husband who had died some weeks earlier. Other people have also confirmed that it is his voice.
When it's very quiet you hear the sound of their watch or clock ticking.
Lights and other electrical items behave weirdly.
The TV channel changes by itself, sometimes to a program that has some connection or significance to the deceased.
You keep finding items that belonged to your loved one, or objects that had some meaning for them. Often these items seem to appear randomly, as if they have been placed where you will find them.
Similarly, you might find white feathers or certain kinds of flowers, leaves or pebbles.
You hear songs that they loved or have lyrics which remind you of them.
You experience profound peace and a feeling of pure love.
Please tell us your shared death experience when a loved one said goodbye, and let us know if it helped you to cope with the aftermath of their passing. Should you need reassurance that all is well, please contact one of our gentle and empathetic psychics who can put your mind at ease.
The no contact rule is a self-imposed, total restriction on connecting with your ex partner. It means exactly that: no contact whatsoever. No meetings, texts, calls, email, or social media communication. It also extends to your ex’s family and friends. All connections and ties are severed.
Why Would You Choose No Contact?
It depends on the kind of break-up you had. An amicable, mutually-agreed parting based on the fact that there is no future in the relationship may well continue as a platonic friendship. You’ll both move on to your next relationships with no hindrance or guilt. However, if it was traumatic, distressing, and if one partner is still in love with the other, a no contact strategy is not only a good choice, it’s an imperative one.
If you are still hung up on your ex, convinced that you love them and they love you, and that the break-up is a temporary state, you’ll be stuck in limbo. Unable to live your life properly, unable to move on and in a continual state of self-deception. It's an unhealthy place to be. It prevents you engaging in life, from being able to exploit new opportunities, and from starting a new, potentially life-long relationship.
“Analysis of the data provided by 464 participants revealed that Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth.” Facebook surveillance of former romantic partners: associations with post breakup recovery and personal growth. TC Marshall 2012.
Why It’s Hard to Implement
Some people find it easy to apply the no contact rule, yet for others, especially ex partners who are feeling deep pain, loss and regret, not seeing their ex is almost beyond the limits of endurance. Every cell of their being yearns to make the connection.
For couples who have children together, no contact is impossible unless there is a long-term trusted intermediary. Even then, the difficulties of such an arrangement are immense.
When someone is attempting to extricate themselves from an abusive relationship, or to leave a psychopathic partner, it’s tough when that ex partner is doing their best to persuade them to capitulate. Ignoring a charm offensive is really hard as there is always part of us who thinks our ex might really change this time. Of course, that’s never the case, yet nevertheless the tiny flame of hope continues, and it takes just a little encouragement to flare brightly again. Until the next break-up.
Why Not Contacting Your Ex is a Good Thing
There are many advantages to a no contact strategy. You will:
Find it gives you time to grieve.
Avoid making a fool of yourself.
Gradually think of your ex less and less. Really.
Be able to let go of the pain and heal faster.
Be free to move on.
Rebuild your confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.
Understand your relationship mistakes.
Catch up with all the friends you lost touch with.
Feel ready to reassess your future options.
Understand the lessons the relationship provided.
Forgive your ex and yourself.
Be able to fall in love again.
View the good memories you created with your ex as precious, while at the same time, allowing the not-so-pleasant memories to fade.
Avoid the possibility of the cyclical, going-nowhere, on-off romance.
Avoid the potential pain of seeing them with someone else.
Avoid being labeled a stalker.
Find a new perspective.
Be able to create a new image and reinvent yourself.
It’s important that you are clear that not connecting with your ex is for the benefit of both of you. It’s not about manipulation, revenge, punishment, or game-playing. It’s not a get-your-ex back strategy. If your ex has expressed a desire to end the relationship, or if you have decided to finish it, then you have to let it go.
No Contact Strategies
Delete their contact details from your phone.
Unfollow them on all social media.
If they contact you, don’t respond. It’s okay to tell them once and once only, that you can’t accept their calls and/or messages.
Break off all contact with your ex’s friends and family. If anyone is upset, simply explain why you can’t be in touch at this time.
In short, no contact means no contact. Nada.
The Willpower Issue
It’s hard. It feels as if you need a fix of your ex. You so badly want to check Facebook, or to get a text from them. Sometimes even a negatively worded text is better than no text at all.
The main problem is that we think it takes willpower to stay away from our ex. And the trouble with willpower is that it could be a limited resource. Akin to a muscle that gets fatigued with overuse.
An alternative strategy is to simply say to yourself, “I don’t…” So, “I don’t chase my ex.” “I don’t follow them on FaceBook.” “I don’t send them texts.”
“I don’t” is a powerful psychological technique which embeds itself into the brain. The alternative, willpower-based response is, “I can’t.” Or “I mustn’t.” This immediately pushes willpower to the forefront and it simply won't hold back the desire to contact your ex. Telling yourself, “I don’t…” is so much more assertive and will become a learned response over time. It works for losing weight too.
What If We Have To See Each Other
There are certain circumstances when avoiding your ex is impossible. Having children together is one of those. Working for the same organization is another. You must maintain a professional conduct. Your personal issues should be kept out of the workplace. The last thing you want is to jeopardize your career over the break-up of your relationship. If the relationship was very serious, consider looking for a new job opportunity.
Some People Don’t Need ‘No Contact’
No contact does not always have to be implemented. Those couples who can manage a good level of communication, especially when children are involved tend to have happier lives. Children thrive when their parents get on together even if they have divorced. It also sets a great example for their own future relationships.
However, if the relationship ending was distressing, no contact is the best healing strategy for both parties.
Have you experienced the same or similar dream over and over? Recurring dreams happen to around 60 to 75 percent of adults, according to a 1996 study by A. Zandra. It’s even higher in those who volunteer to undergo sleep and dream studies. And generally is more frequent in women than men. But what does it mean to dream about the same thing? Are you missing an important message? Is something or someone trying to get through to you? Are recurrent dreams the brain’s method of processing significant information, or just a way to get rid of mind-junk?
Photo by Dyaa Eldin on Unsplash
Dreaming About People
A recurring dream about the same person, or group of people, can indicate that there are issues between you which need to be addressed. Sometimes, in waking life, it’s hard to recognize when we’ve created a barrier, or dissonance between ourselves and another. We may brush it aside or simply avoid being with that person. Yet the reoccurring dream tells you different. Your subconscious really wants you to sort this out. Think of it as a niggling thorn of conflict.
Perhaps you don’t even know what your dream is referring to? Maybe you don’t have a clue about any past conflict? You don’t need to know what it is in order to put it right. Your subconscious knows that there is hurt or conflict between you, so take steps to reconcile with the other person. Make sure they know that all is well between you. You don’t have to tell them about the dream, or ask them what you did, just make a gesture, such as buying flowers, or a coffee, or inviting them round for supper. Make them feel appreciated. The recurring dream should cease to bother you.
Can You Dream About Your Future Soulmate?
Some people report dreaming about their future love. They may not see their face, but they always say that they’ll know the person when they meet them. These dreams tend not to be the same recurring dream over and over, but more like similar dreams in which the same person appears. Sometimes they’ll take center stage, other times they’ll be on the periphery. Sometimes they act as a messenger, guide, or rescuer. It’s a fascinating subject and we’d love to hear from people who have experienced this and then met the person in real life.
Dreaming About Your Ex Lover
This is extremely common and experienced by lots of people who report recurring dreams. It is very likely to do with unresolved issues, perhaps even to specific events that happened during the relationship that were never concluded satisfactorily. There are ways to deal with these dreams if they bother you.
You can think about the event and try to come to a place where that conflict is resolved. Use a journal, if you like, and work through it. Do your best to forgive. When you forgive the other person, even if they hurt you, you release blocked energy within yourself. Forgiveness is never about the other person, it's always to give yourself the gift of peace. If you are in contact with your ex, and have a good post-relationship relationship, try bringing the event up in conversation and talking about it rationally — perhaps easier said than done. You might try writing them a letter and not posting or emailing it (please don’t send it!). Write out why you feel discomfort around the issue, suggest a way to put it right. Then forgive them and put the the letter away or, better still, destroy or delete it. You might be surprised how soon resolution follows and your recurring dream stops.
Going Back To the Same Place in Your Dreams
Sometimes the recurring dream is not about a person, but about a place. You may recognize it as somewhere you have spent a lot of time. Or maybe, you’ve never been there in your life. If you know where the place is, why not try to visit it? The strong feeling of deja vu would be interesting, and you might find out why the location is important to you.
Occasionally, this happens seemingly by accident. You visit somewhere and instantly recognize that you’ve been there in your dream. Only you can work out why it is important.
Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash
Common Recurring Dreams
There are many common situations that people say they keep experiencing in dreams. These are just a few:
Being late for an exam or interview. This is generally caused by stress while preparing for exams. Yet it’s possible that this is the brain’s way of rehearsing for an important event, such as an upcoming interview. It’s the subconscious working to make sure that you won’t be late at all. Also, those who dream in this way seem to have better results both at exams and interviews. Your brain has been busily working out the details for you, but you only remembered the scary part. This phenomena can be thought of as ‘cognitive scripting’. Once the event has passed, so should the dream.
Being chased in a dream often means there is unresolved conflict or anxiety caused by another person. Being dream-chased is one of those recurring dreams that almost everyone experiences from time to time. Do your best to identify who or what is doing the chasing and follow some of the suggestions above to resolve the problems.
Dreaming of your teeth falling out, or anything to do with the mouth, might be connected with a deep feeling of being unable to express yourself.
Using the bathroom publicly or other embarrassing situation in a dream might point towards the necessity to let go of something that no longer serves you. Flush it away, so to speak. You may need to acknowledge or express the issue in some way.
Dreaming that you are pregnant most often occurs when you are pregnant. Or wanting to become pregnant. Sometimes the dreamer is surprised by the pregnancy, which could indicate an unexpressed desire for a child, or conversely, a fear of giving birth. Dreaming of childbirth itself could be that clever brain of yours rehearsing for the big event.
We’d love to hear about your recurrent dreams, please feel free to share. And, if you are having disturbing dreams on a regular basis, consult with one of our dream expert psychics.
An unhappy break-up causes a lot of negative energy to accumulate around you and your home. There’s the drama and trauma of the actual break-up, and all the emotions around it, including anger, hurt and blame. After the initial split, reality begins to sink in and even more lower energy emotion swirls around you.
Once a few days have passed, you may feel ready to make a change. You know you have to move forward and the first step is to dispel all that negativity inhabiting your home. You’ll know it needs to be done by the feeling you get when you re-enter your home after being outside. If it feels welcoming and enveloping, you’re fine. If, however, you walk through the door and immediately sigh and sense sadness or anger seeping over you, then the place is full of negativity. And, even if it doesn’t feel that bad, cleansing is still a good idea.
Why Cleanse Negative Energy?
This first practical action of cleansing the energy is your first step to healing. It will give you closure, and also the feeling of opening a portal to your new life. Cleansing your home and lightening the atmosphere will give you a sense of palpable relief—out with the old and in with the new. If there’s a chance you will get back together with your ex partner, it’s even more reason to clean up in preparation for a fresh beginning.
It's a good idea to plan an energy cleanse over a whole weekend. You could start with the self-cleanse on a Friday evening, follow with the physical clear-out on Saturday, then go on to the home energy cleanse on Sunday.
Dispelling Negative Energy From Yourself
Start by focusing on your own energy. You will be the catalyst for cleansing your surroundings so you need to begin with yourself. Imagine the energy swirling through you and around you, permeating your aura. What does it feel like? If it feels heavy and strength-sapping, you need to carry out a self-energy cleanse.
Plan your food intake for the day. Stick to light food, such as fruits, nuts and vegetables. Drink herbal tea or pure water. Avoid processed foods, meat and dairy. Eggs are fine. There's no need to starve yourself, and it’s only for this one day.
In the evening, run a bath and add a small handful of sea salt or Epsom salts to the water. If you have any fresh herbs to hand, throw in a sprig or two. Before entering the water, move your hand just above the surface with the mental intention that, by the time you get out of the bath, your body and aura will be cleansed. Soak as long as you like and then, if possible, take a refreshing shower. If you haven't got a bathtub, you can simply express the intention to energy cleanse when you take a shower. Sprinkle the salt and herbs around the shower basin.
You can adapt the salty, herby bath anytime by taking a footbath. It's surprising how much better you feel afterward. When you pour the water away… and down the toilet is always good… imagine that dirty, negative energy swishing away with the water. It's a good idea to change your bed linen, so that when you eventually get into bed, you can snuggle down in a sweet-scented, clean nest.
When you are dry and dressed, make a herbal tea. Doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is pure. If you have no herbal tea, simply pour boiling water over a slice of lemon. Sit quietly and close your eyes. Imagine that you have roots growing from your toes. They wiggle their way down through the walls and foundations of your home, down, down, into the dark earth below.
Now imagine a bright light pouring down all over you and into your crown chakra. As it fills your physical body and aura, it forces the negative energy down through your body and those roots. Imagine the earth absorbing the negative energy and transforming it into positive. When your body feels light and peaceful, allow the mental image to fade away. Place your hand on the top of your head to close off the crown chakra. and 'see' your roots retreating back into your toes. Remain seated and drink your tea. Feel cleansed and ready to take the next step.
Clean Out Negativity From the Physical Plane
Clear out of any of your ex’s belongings. Take them to a mutual friend’s; somewhere where you are not likely to bump into your ex. Don’t use it as an excuse to see him or her. Don’t forget to check places like bedside tables and the bathroom cabinet. The last thing you need is to come across any reminders that take you by surprise. It’s hard, but you can do it.
Do the same with any gifts that your ex gave to you. If you can’t bear to part with them, place them in a box. Label it, so you know what’s in there. If the gift is something you use all the time, simply include it in your cleaning rituals.
Clean your home, room-by-room, especially where you spent the most time. Pay special attention to where your last encounter took place. If you were both in an emotional state, that’s where the most negative energy will be swirling around. It’s metaphorically sticky, clinging to items in the room, so really give it a thorough clean. Launder everything that can be laundered. Vacuum everything else and mop the floor, if appropriate.
House Cleaning on the Energetic Plane
When your home is clean and shiny, it’s time to work on the energetic plane. Think of energy on two levels: the physical dimension and the energetic dimension. Cleaning the physical will do a lot to dispel negative energy, but to be thorough, you should address the higher, energetic plane. This kind of cleansing uses such techniques as visualization and meditation. You can also make use of crystals and smudging with incense. As you work, hold the intention to fill your home with neutral and positive energy.
You can adapt the earlier visualization to include the whole room, and even the whole house. Follow the directions as given, then as you feel the white light come down through your crown chakra, imagine it emanating from you and filling your home. Don’t try to do the personal and house cleansing in one go though. Do your personal cleanse first and the whole house visualization the next day or even a few days later.
If you have crystals, hold them under cold running water and place them strategically around the house. If you have upsetting memories of any particular location, that’s where to put them.
Light white candles and leave them to burn safely. Smudging with sage and/or incense is also helpful. Make sure to waft the smoke into every corner, high and low.
Rinse and Repeat
It’s very likely that you will need to repeat some of these procedures occasionally over the next few weeks. It’s natural for your emotions to surface and attract a little negativity, so do what you need to do to clear your heart, soul and home.
Pretty soon, you’ll notice that the unhappy break-up becomes less important as you remember the good times. Use the lessons learned from this relationship to improve the outlook for your next. All is well.
I read a book once which helped turn me into a ‘yes’ person. It wasn’t until much later I realized that I’d made a mistake. The book was all about taking opportunities and saying ‘yes’ to them as often as possible. I thought it meant I had to say yes to everyone in order to be polite, socially acceptable, and to please the other person. I’d somehow connected the idea of positive “Yes!” moments with the upbringing I’d been given at my grandmother’s knee: little girls are supposed to be nice. Always. In other words I turned into a people pleaser. Boy, was I wrong.
I ended up stressed and feeling out of control. Agreeing to take on extra work, making play dates for my son that meant half a day’s cleaning, doing everything for everyone. Instead of making the most of any opportunities, I found myself struggling on all levels. If I managed to wiggle out of an invitation, I felt guilty because I made up some sort of excuse in order not to hurt the other person’s feelings. I felt guilty because I was unable to live up to the high expectations I’d placed on myself. My frustration caused me to snap at my son and, of course, I’d feel even guiltier. Then I found another book, “When I Say No, I Feel Guilty” by Manual J. Smith. Thank you, book club.
We Are Born With Personal Boundaries
The author explained that, as children we have a natural assertiveness. We were able to say no without having a bad case of the guilts. Babies are quite able to let their parents know when they are unhappy and not feel bad about it. We have inbuilt personal boundaries. It’s our upbringing which overrides them and turns some people into people pleasers. We just want to be nice people.
My second son was one of those “No!” children. One of his first words was “No!” He said it so often and so automatically that I was embarrassed. Isn’t that crazy? I was embarrassed because my kid wasn’t a people-pleaser. He was two-years old. It was much later that I understood that he had every right to express his no-ness. He knew his boundaries. Of course that didn’t stop me trying to guilt him into positivity.
How We Become People Pleasers
Not everyone becomes a people pleaser. It depends on our own feedback systems. For example, my grandmother looked after me while my mother worked. My grandmother had high expectations and I loved her to bits, so my natural tendency was to try to please her by adapting my behavior, my words and attitude. She taught me that politeness and consideration was everything. Unfortunately she omitted to tell me that I should expect consideration in return. I felt small and unimportant. My natural boundaries evaporated.
What Are Personal Boundaries?
Personal boundaries are the limits that we place around ourselves in relation to other people. They include verbal, behavioral, sexual, and spacial limits. You know what it feels like when someone you barely know gets into your personal space. It’s a horrible feeling and you usually, automatically step backwards in order to restore your space. Or when someone makes an off-color joke which causes you discomfort because it oversteps the mark of your personal morality. Or when your boss asks you to work late once too often.
Personal boundaries are connected to our idea of what is and isn’t acceptable to us. In the case of people pleasers, we consistently allow other people to pass through those boundaries—if we have any at all. We laugh when someone with bad breath comes in too close. We inwardly sob when the boss asks for just one more late night this week, while outwardly eagerly agreeing. So how to set about rebuilding the personal boundaries we were born with?
Identify Your People Pleasing Behaviour
Make a list of all the times you felt guilty or inadequate because you didn’t meet someone’s expectations. If you can’t remember every little incident that’s okay, just keep it general. For example:
I always agree to work late when my supervisor asks me, even if I don't want to.
When my kid asks me for a ride, I never refuse, even if I'm busy with something else.
My sister asks to borrow money I always give it to her. And she never pays it back.
Design Your New Personal Boundaries
Decide your limits. For instance, from now on you won’t permit:
Negative comments about your body
Anyone to belittle and humiliate you
Someone to insert themselves into your personal space
Anyone to assume you will always agree to work late
Anyone to assume you agree with their opinions
Don’t stop there; think about all the occasions when you felt your boundaries were ignored and add it to your list.
Create Your Personal ‘Rights’
You have the right to:
Say no without explanation.
Time for yourself.
Ask for help.
Ignore phone calls, texts, emails, etcetera until you are ready, if ever, to respond.
Cancel an appointment.
Refuse entry to your home.
Tell your child/partner/mother you are unable to comply with their demand.
Change your mind.
Again, don’t stop there. Add in everything you can think of that you are entitled to. If unsure, take your friends or sister as an example.
Develop Your Strategy
It’s all very well to create new personal boundaries but the difficulty is in asserting them. After all, lack of assertion was what caused the problem in the first place. The idea of using certain words and phrases goes against your ingrained response system.
Say, “I’ll let you know.” Or, “I’ll get back to you later on that.” Or, “I can’t give you an answer right now.” This gives you breathing space to decide your response.
Start from a neutral base. There’s no need to get angry or upset. You can refuse from a place of grace. If you need someone to offer you support and reassurance, speak to a friend who’s on your side before you speak to the other person.
If someone is angry with you and yells, don’t engage in a shouting match or get emotional. Simply inform them that you will leave the room until they feel ready to speak to you.
Should you need to refuse a commitment, say, “I have to say no because I can’t fit it into my schedule.”
When refusing your bosses’ request that you work late, say, “I have plans I can’t cancel.” Because you do, even if that plan is relaxing with a glass of wine in front of the TV.
Remember, you don’t have to explain in detail, you don’t have to make excuses for yourself and you don’t have to lie.
Never bow under pressure. If you give in once, they will assume you will again.
Don’t be confrontational but, at the same time, don’t avoid confrontation. You are strong enough to hold your ground. If the situation becomes uncomfortable, walk away, “I can’t talk to you about this right now.”. That isn’t avoiding confrontation, that’s taking the sensible route.
How To Defeat Guilt
Feeling guilty is something to tackle on your own. Remember that whatever the request, you as a human being, have the right to refuse. Guilt is an energy-sapping emotion. You don’t need it. You can decide in the moment that you won’t feel guilty about your decision or your words. You haven’t hurt anyone, you have simply stated you don’t want to do something. It’s no big deal. People will soon learn that you are no longer a doormat. You are no longer a people pleaser.
“When you say “yes” to others, make sure you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.” – Paulo Coehlo
Your aura is a luminous appearance of light around your physical body. It shifts and changes with your moods, your health, emotional state, and your interactions with others. Not everyone can see auras, but if anyone has ever said, “You have a blue aura,” you may wonder what it meant? Often sensitive psychics and intuitives are able to see or sense the aura surrounding an individual. Some psychics can even tell you what it means in relation to your personality or psychic abilities.
Generally speaking, people have mixed colors in their auras, with one that dominates. Having blue in one’s aura is common, though a pure blue aura is rare. There are many shades of blue and they all mean slightly different things. And that’s what we are looking at today.
If you are looking for information on how to read auras, start here: Aura Reading 101
The Meaning of Blue
Overall, blue is the color of tranquility, peace and healing. It demonstrates a calm temperament, creative tendencies and a person who has a gentle authority and innate wisdom. However, blue has a stormy side too, so someone with a blue aura, or who is strongly drawn to the color blue, will have deep, usually hidden, emotions. They may have difficulty balancing their feelings with their cool logic.
Dark Blue/Indigo Aura
People with a blue-indigo aura have the ability to set their imagination free. Think of an inky blue infinite sky. Everything and anything is possible. If you have a dark blue-indigo aura, you are sensitive and intuitive. You are a creative thinker and an excellent communicator. You are a born teacher; able to reach out to other people in a unique way that sets them at ease. You can explain complex ideas and concepts in a way that people can understand. Consider building on your abilities by choosing work that fits in with your natural aura.
If Your Aura is a Bright Blue
If you have a predominantly bright blue aura, it means that you have a positive and serene personality. You are likely to always see the good in people. You are trusting and trustworthy. You treat people exactly the way you like to be treated. Fairness and cooperation are important. You love interacting with young children because their curiosity, sense of fun and pure enjoyment of life resonates with your own personality, and for those reasons you would make an excellent early-years teacher. Having said that, you are also able to work with elderly people, especially those who have learned to develop an appreciation of life.
Those who have a ‘warm’ blue or turquoise aura suggests you have healing skills. You are naturally drawn to working with people, and you love to help and to feel you make a difference in people’s lives. You are well-balanced and able to take a step back when necessary. You rarely lose your temper or become stressed. You radiate calm and beauty. You do attract all kinds of people, many of whom just want to be near your presence because they instinctively feel your capacity to heal. Think about putting these unique abilities to good use. Where could you make difference?
The Royal Blue Aura
Royal blue is such a pure, clear hue that it is exeedingly rare in an aura. It may appear and then disappear, pulsating with your moods. If you are told that you have royal blue in your aura then know that you have such well-developed intuition that you are probably clairvoyant, clairaudient, or have a combination of ‘clairs’. You can read people instinctively and you are an extremely good judge of character. However, because of the shifting nature of royal blue in an aura, you may find these skills are intermittent. Focusing on them, building them, and training yourself will cause your aura to reflect them by remaining royal blue for longer and longer.
Shades of Blue
If your blue aura leans towards red, then you will have an extra layer of passion in your personality. If it morphs into green or brown you will be grounded and loyal. Should it darken into near black, you will be confident and mysteriously magnetic.
If Your Blue Aura is Cloudy, Dirty or Muddy
A ‘muddy aura’ is pretty common. It’s nothing to be concerned about. It merely shows that you are affected by external influences, worried about what other people think, or are allowing them to muddle up your emotions and clarity. This happens to most of us from time to time, and to some, almost constantly. It could be an indicator of fear, of being unable to express yourself or perhaps having difficulties communicating.
Cleaning Up Your Aura
It’s perfectly possible to clean up your aura by addressing these issues. Your aura is a reflection of your inner state, so changing your inner state of being will clean up that muddy aura, which will in turn affect how people ‘see’ you.
Try a chakra meditation to open and clean your centers of energy. Time spent in meditation will enable your emotions to calm, your mind to rest and your energy to replenish itself. Meditation is like food for the soul.
Deal with your fear. Find out what is causing your fear. Why is your confidence low? What are you hiding behind? Don’t put up with feeling fearful any longer; it’s a real waste of energy… and of life.
Get a psychic reading to determine the health of your aura. If you discover that your underlying aura color is one of the blues described above, you can determine your spiritual path. You can go on a journey to let your true blue personality shine. Your aura can be beautiful again, reflecting your beautiful self for all the world to see and appreciate. Don’t hide your light any longer, let it shine.