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Is a man who won’t divorce driving you crazy? Dating a separated man who is not yet divorced can be difficult. It’s time to get honest with yourself and get real about this situation.

He Said He Was Getting Divorced

You met this great guy who seems to check all the boxes. You have a great time together and have fallen deeply in love. The problem is, he’s not divorced yet.

At the start of things he acted like everything was underway, the divorce was imminent and just a matter of signing some papers. But time goes by and still no divorce. You start to worry.

In addition, he may still have ties to her. He goes to his children’s recitals or graduations with her. He attends family parties with her. And maybe he still fixes things at the marital home. Some women have told me they dated men who still lived at home. (Or occasionally sleep with the ex – what’s a man to do?)

This is a time to re-examine your boundaries and the qualities you want in a man. I would think single and available would be at the top of the list right? If you are honest with yourself, is this situation really what you want and working for you?

Dating a Separated Man

While this is incredibly obvious, a man who is separated is not yet divorced. His status is vague and uber unclear. He could be:

  • Nearly finished with his divorce
  • Hasn’t started proceedings
  • Is in the thick of it and there’s no end in sight
  • Not planning to divorce at all, just remain separated due to some financial implications, etc.

Since you have no way of knowing the true status of his divorce, you are taking a massive risk getting involved with this man. If you fall in love, you’ll be attached to a guy who isn’t free to marry you (if that is your goal).  Dating a man who won’t divorce can drag you down emotionally and be very painful.

Face the 5 Painful Facts

When a man admits he’s not yet divorced, you have a choice in that moment which is to move on or take a chance on him. Women often tell me they can’t help who they fall in love with, but that is not true. You can minimize these risks by NOT dating any man who is not yet divorced.

In fact, most therapists recommend not dating a man who has been divorced for less than a year. It takes a long time to recover from the emotional pain and scars that are part of the divorce process.

However, if you decide to go against current wisdom, there are the five painful facts you will have to face.

1.He Doesn’t Want a Divorce

Don’t assume he actually wants a divorce no matter what awful things he says about his ex wife. He might have a variety of motives to stay married including:

  • Monetary advantages
  • Health care or other benefits
  • Prefers freedom vs. making any new commitments
  • Emotionally attached to her or her extended family
  • Complicated financial issues (owning property, big inheritance, etc.

I know a man who wouldn’t marry his new fiance because his (not quite) ex wife had worked for an airline and he was unwilling to give up her travel benefits. No amount of time , no matter how long you are willing to wait, will resolve some of these complicated issues. He may have his priorities and divorce isn’t one of them.

2. He Was Never Getting a Divorce

Some men lie. You might be dating a married man who says he’s separated or getting divorced so he can date you and cheat on his wife. Maybe you have compassion for him because he painted a dreadful picture of his wife. You’re taken in by his charm. It happens.

If papers have been filed, you may be able to find that online as a matter of public record. Similarly, completed divorces can be found. But not everyone gets legally separated before divorce and then there is no legal record. You are basically putting your faith in a man you just met, that he is ending his marriage. Does that sound worth the risk to you? This is how smart women get involved with a man who won’t divorce.

3. You Can’t Make Him Do Anything

If he’s been promising you that he’ll get divorced, what guarantee do you have? You can’t really check up on it and have to take his word. Ultimately, he has to want to dissolve the marriage and take the steps. His wife has to do her part and sign the papers. That’s a lot of hurdles to jump if you ask me.

If he’s dragging his feet or avoiding the process, you can’t make him do anything. First of all, you certainly have no power over his ex. In most healthy relationships there is a balance of power, but not when you date a man who won’t divorce.  You have nothing to negotiate once you are involved.

4. You Relinquished Control

When you date a man who won’t divorce,  you are subject to his whims about timing and commitment. Once he tells you his situation, then you know the score. He can say he told you the truth. And you’ll have to deal with the fact that you chose to get to know him anyway.

In a situation like this, the very best choice you can make is to walk away. A smart woman moves on to look for love elsewhere knowing he’s still married. Yes, you never know; things could work out easily. But how often does that happen?

5. You Only Have One Thing to Leverage

There is only one thing you can do and if you take this step, you must follow through or all is lost. Unfortunately, you have very little power in this emotionally charged situation. Your leverage is to withdraw your love and you deliver this as an ultimatum.

However, if you tell him to, “Get divorced by x date or else,” you must mean it. If you back down for any reason, he’ll know you’ll put up with anything because you love him. Then all hope for moving your relationship forward is lost.

Sometimes There’s Nothing He Can Do

Sometimes, no matter how much you both want it over, there’s nothing he can do to quicken the pace. Untangling a marriage can be complicated and go on for years. So, you have to decide if this relationship works for you or not as is.  Sad as it may be, no matter how much you want to marry, be out in public or just have things finalized, you are not in charge and cannot exert your will.

Handling a Man Who Won’t Divorce

That’s why I recommend avoiding this emotional drama entirely. Simply say no thanks to dating a separated man. Yup, all of them – the entire category. That’s the ONLY WAY you can avoid the tumultuous and heart wrenching problems related to dating a man who won’t divorce.

Why open yourself to the craziness of someone else’s divorce? He’s not the only man out there! Instead, you want to meet men who have been divorced for years, who have never been married, or even a widower. You always have other choices and many that will turn out far better!

If you’re struggling to find the right man for the lasting romance you’ve dreamed of, lets have a conversation. Book a complimentary 45-minute call with me and fill out the short application. Good men do exist so let’s figure out what’s been holding you back.

The post 5 Painful Facts To Face If You’re Dating A Man Who Won’t Divorce appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

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Starting to think he doesn’t want a relationship with you? Here’s what you need to look for to figure out if he’s just playing with your heart.

He’s Not Serious About You

Understanding men can be so mind-boggling.  Situations often don’t make sense. You worry and fret, wondering if he wants a relationship with you or not and feeling confused is wearing you down.

The trouble is he does show some signs of actually liking you. So, how can you tell with these mixed signals? Your girlfriends say to give him a chance and that you are too picky.  Are they right?

If this is sounding all too familiar, then it’s time you learn the signs that he doesn’t want a relationship and he’s not serious about you either.

1.He’s Separated

A man who is separated is actually STILL MARRIED. I’m not talking about this from a moral point of view – just from the facts. That means no matter how long he’s been separated, he’s still connected to his wife in some way. She is NOT his ex!

A man who has not completed his divorce is not ready for a new committed relationship. He might be lonely and want the company, but if you help him do his healing to get over his wife, chances are outrageously high as soon as he’s feeling good again he’ll dump you for someone new. That’s just how things work.

2. He Told You He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

Plenty of men come right out and tell you up front they don’t want a relationship, but are happy to get to know you. He is specifically telling you he’s not ready.  When a guy tells you this BELIEVE HIM. He is not going to fall in love and change his mind. This kind of thinking only leads to heartbreak.

Other similar language includes he’s not looking for anything serious right now or he just got out of a relationship and needs space. Pay attention if a new man you meet says anything at all resembling these statements. He MEANS it, so if you want lasting love, walk away now. Don’t be like the majority of women who ignore this waving red flag.

3. He Looks at Other Women

This rude habit is surprisingly common. You’re out with your guy on a nice date and he’s looking around the restaurant rather than at you. When you are alone it seems like he only has eyes for you, but out in public, it sure is a different story.

You’ve talked to him about how much it bothers you. He said he’s trying, but usually it’s not long before he reverts back to this habit. You tell yourself it’s natural for men to look and as long as he keeps calling and asking you out, everything is OK. But is it? Not really. His roving eye tells you he’s not that into you, so bail now before he starts cheating.

4. He’s Full of Excuses and Cancels Often

He’s super busy at work, his child is sick, or his ex needs help. It’s always something with this guy and last-minute issues cause him to break your dates often. You’re patient and give him the benefit of the doubt because you REALLY like him.

Here’s the thing. Anyone can feel sick, have a tough boss or a crazy ex. But if there’s always SOME REASON why he can’t see you, that’s a sign he’s not serious or he’s not ready to commit to anyone. People can be overwhelmed by life making them unreliable. That’s how you know he’s not the right man. You deserve a man who is ready for love, can keep a date and has the bandwidth to spend quality time with you.

5. He Doesn’t Reveal Much About Himself

When something is going on with you, you talk about it. You’ve told him about your family and friends and maybe even a bit about work. Yet, how much do you know about the man your sleeping with? Does he share stories about his life?

If your man is not telling you about his friends, his job or his family, he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s not making you a part of his life and bringing you closer. After 5- weeks if you still don’t know much about him, this will not improve and it’s time to move on.

6. He Talks about His Ex All the Time

Even though his divorce is over or his big breakup was a while ago, he manages to talk about his ex constantly.  At first you were interested and wanted to offer emotional support. But now that weeks have gone by and he’s still complaining it’s getting rather annoying.

When a man talks about his ex often, whether the comments are positive or negative, it’s a surefire sign he’s not over her yet. So, every time he brings her up, it’s like she’s there on the date with you creating a threesome. You want a man all to yourself who focuses on getting to know you, which is why it’s time to let go and move on.

7. He Won’t Define Your Relationship

If he doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend around others, that’s a red flag. Men who don’t want to use labels or define the relationship are definitely not serious about you. Forget about his fear of being hurt again or whatever he blames this resistance on, it’s a sign that your relationship isn’t going anywhere.

8. He Doesn’t Take You On Real Dates

You never go out on real dates in public, like to dinner, or listen to music or even the movies which is how you know something is not right. Some men bring over takeout food and want to snuggle on the couch and in the bedroom. They talk about how they’re tired and just want to be with you.

Maybe he says he’s keeping you all to himself and you’re his little secret. That’s a telltale sign that should make you very suspicious. He’s probably got another woman in his life and he can’t take a chance of being seen with you! Ask him to take you out and if he won’t, it’s time to walk away. You deserve a full-fledged relationship, not a secret lover.

9. He’s Running Hot and Cold

You never know with this guy – sometimes he’s totally into you and then he disappears for a while or seems uninterested. Like he could take it or leave it when it comes to seeing you. This kind of treatment wreaks havoc with your self-esteem.

Or maybe you have big fights that cause his hot and cold behavior. While you might enjoy the makeup sex and excitement, he’s showing you that life with him will always be a dramatic roller coaster. It’s possible you’ll never know where you stand. Sadly, this is not the sign of an emotionally mature man who knows what he wants or someone who is serious about you.

10. He Doesn’t Make Real Plans

His spontaneous ways were fun when you first met. But, after a couple of months, his inability to plan is getting old. He often leaves you HANGING making it hard for you to plan anything else. This causes you to miss other social opportunities and leaves you feeling like you are not that important.

If your man is doing this, the truth is his schedule matters most to him and he’s likely keeping his options open till the last minute. Now you know he doesn’t want a relationship, because this sure isn’t a way to build one. In addition, he’s demonstrating a level of selfishness that’s warning you about his ability to be a good partner.

11. He Lets You Do All the Work

Your guy is pretty much amenable to whatever YOU want to do. That sounds fantastic until you realize everything is up to you. You have to come up with the ideas, ask if he wants to go, figure out the details, make reservations and he’ll show up.

Perhaps having everything your way seems great initially, but then you start to realize this guy never initiates ANYTHING! Yup, he lets you do all the work to maintain this relationship and you are tired of it. Maybe you’ve tried talking to him and have said that you’re not planning another thing. Then, you give in because you really like him and want to see him.

Most importantly, when a man lets you initiate everything, he’s showing you he’s not invested in the relationship. He’s not trying to win you over – he’s passively going along for the ride. Doesn’t sound like a  recipe for lasting love to me.

Accept It – He Doesn’t Want a Relationship

All 11 of these signs let you know that your boyfriend is toying with your emotions, messing with your head or biding his time until another woman comes along. None of those situations are what you want or deserve.

You might be tempted to argue with these signals or think your situation is a little bit different, so they don’t apply. The truth is THEY DO APPLY. If you want lasting love, the best thing you can do for yourself is wake up to the fact that the man you’re seeing is NOT serious or into you. Even though that’s a painful realization, you might as well be honest with yourself.

The sooner you accept his inability to be the man you want, the sooner you can move on to find the right man for the epic, lasting love you’ve been dreaming about for so long. He’s out there, so free yourself up as soon as you can.

If you want more help with understanding men, download my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing

The post 11 Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship & Is Toying With Your Emotions appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

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Seems like he’s not interested, so why does he stay in touch? Check out these reasons why a man contacts you even if he doesn’t want to see you.

Why Is He Still In Touch?

It’s so infuriating! If he’s not interested, why does he keep contacting you? He’s not asking you out so what gives? While it drives you crazy and seems to be a complete waste of your time, he must be getting something out of this right?

Let’s look at a man’s motivation and why he would keep calling, emailing or texting, even though he’s not interested. Below I’ll share five of the most likely reasons that keep him connected to you.

He’s Lonely

Men get lonely too. Even if he doesn’t want to date you, sometimes talking to you is just the soothing emotional balm he needs to feel better in that moment. When you answer his call or text, he feels connected to SOMEONE.  And for him, that’s a big relief and enough.

As far as he’s concerned, he doesn’t need to take it to the next level and actually SEE you. Nope, he’s content with a quick fix and staying in touch. This is one of those signs he’s not interested anymore or perhaps never really was.

He’s Ready for an Ego Boost

Sometimes when a man gets dumped, he reaches out to his ex to boost his ego. This is most likely true if he knows you are still into him.  Ahhh, what could feel better than getting in touch with a woman who is always happy and pleasantly surprised to hear from him?

A little time talking to you and he starts feeling better quickly.  Your warmth is like salve to his wound of being dumped and he knows he can rely on you to pump up his tarnished ego.

He’s Flirty

Some men (and women) just LOVE to flirt! And you are FUN to flirt with, so he stays in touch to get his flirty fix every so often. He might have a bevy of babes he flirts with because it’s one of the joys of his life. There’s nothing wrong with flirting, especially if you enjoy it.  Just don’t think it MEANS anything or that he has any intentions of wanting more from you.

He’s Needy

Certain men can be needy and the keep who keeps calling or texting is one of them. He needs attention, wants someone to complain to, or could use some advice.  You are always there when he needs you because you know how to be a great friend. Women have been known to pour their empathy out for a man like this thinking after providing all that emotional support, he will surely love you.

Sadly, this is NOT true. You are simply giving and giving to someone who is more than happy to take whatever you’ve got with nothing in return. He’s not interested except to take whatever you will give. There won’t be a return on this investment, so move on.

He’s Bored

Do you wonder is he texting me out of boredom? If that thought even crosses your mind, the answer is YES. Some people get through a day at work by texting. They say funny things and find ways to entertain themselves. So, while you may be enjoying all the humorous texting, it means nothing in terms of building a true, love relationship.

Here’s how to know if he’s not interested and just texting because he’s bored. He does NOTHING to see you or set up a date. Just because he’s texting constantly, doesn’t mean he sees himself in a relationship with you. He might think texting with you is fun and makes the day go by faster.

Sometimes this happens after a few dates with a guy and things dwindle to texting only. You might hang in there thinking at some point it will turn back around and you’ll start dating again. You wonder why is he still texting me if he’s not interested? Simply stated, he could be bored and you provide a break from his dull day.

What To Do If He’s Not That Into You?

Now that you are clear on five of the most frequent reasons why a man stays in touch, but doesn’t want a relationship, I’m sure you want to know what you CAN do about it.  Even though this is hard to swallow, there’s only one thing you can do. STOP texting or talking to him.

In fact, let’s take things a step further and BLOCK him. This is how you move on with your head held high and plenty of dignity.

You might hesitate, thinking if you could just talk to him, he’d see the light and things would return to how they once were. Or if you could discuss this openly, you could somehow convince him to date you. Too bad your instincts are working against you here.

Blocking him and moving on are the only steps you can take that will change the status quo. You’ll will not draw him in, but you will FREE yourself up to meet a new man! It’s time to cut him lose and stop wasting your time.

If you’re in touch with a man sending you mixed signals, get my Free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing: Find Out What He Really Means today!

The post If He’s Not Interested, Why Does He Contact Me? (And More!) appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

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Learn the 13 shocking signs he just wants sex, so you know what to watch for to side step men like this. It’s obvious once you know what to look for.

What If He Only Wants to Sleep with You?

“Dear Ronnie,

Are there signs he just wants sex? Women have to avoid premature attachment – OK I get it. But why do men lie? If they are not into you for more than just a date, why lie and tell you they like you or act as if they like you.

Why do they discuss future vacations together and talk about going out, then Ghost after they’ve been dating you for 2 months. Is it that hard to act normal?

If he is not interested in more than just sex, why doesn’t he act so? Do guys never think about being honest? Do we as women literally have to ask them, “OK, are you really interested in me?”

Please help me understand because I am often heartbroken and left feeling so sad and very confused.

Thanks,
Nath from Chicago”

Understanding Men And Their Games

Dear Nath,

You asked good questions and I am going to answer each one, so you understand what is going on with men. I know this can be emotionally crushing, but there is a way to recognize a player faster. Once you know, then you can avoid these predators with ease.

When you are a straightforward woman looking for love, you want to trust and believe men. Yet, one disappointment and heartbreak after another makes it harder and harder. I understand how you feel and I went through this myself when I was dating and looking for love before meeting the man who became my husband.

Having met plenty of these types, I LEARNED how to catch on quickly and that made all the difference. I stopped wasting time on a man who showed signs he just wants sex and moved on to meet other men who was more potential.

Why Do Men Lie And Act Interested?

First, keep in mind not all men do not lie or pretend to be interested. Let’s think about this from a man’s perspective to better understand what’s really going on. If a man just wants sex and told you that, would you go for it? No, of course not! Men know most women don’t want to jump into bed – they prefer to get to know a guy a first.

So, that’s why some men lie. They do this to get their needs met the only way they know how. The same thing applies for talking about the future and vacations, etc. This kind of conversation is designed to make him look like he’s got long-term intentions about you, so you trust him and then…sleep with him.

Why Do Men Ghost?

Most men hate emotional scenes and will do whatever is necessary to avoid a big blow up. That’s why they stop contacting you (AKA ghost) rather than breakup directly. Nothing new – this has been going on forever. A lot of guys don’t want to cause you pain face-to-face, but know they have to move on, so they drop out of sight.

Some experts say men are cowardly to avoid confrontation. Another way to look at this is they have a different threshold for emotions vs. women. That’s why most men rather shut down a difficult conversation or walk away, rather than talk it through. It’s often too much for a man. And that’s a way you know you found a good man when he’s willing to discuss things calmly.

Why You Can’t Ask Him Directly

Last but not least, you CANNOT ask a man directly if he likes you. Why not? Because how will you know if he’s telling the truth? It’s a pointless effort. Again, this is confrontational and not the way to engage with men.

The Real Problem

Here’s the real problem – these are NOT THE RIGHT QUESTIONS! While you want to know if a man is lying and the signs he just wants sex, that’s not the best way to make decisions.

Instead, focus on discovering if he QUALIFIES to be your man. Does he pursue you consistently, requesting weekly dates, calling between dates and texting? Is he interested to get to know you or does he only talk about himself? Does he try to please you and find out what you like?

These are signs of a man who has a genuine interest and potential for a loving relationship. When a man asks you out consistently, shows that he cares, does nice things for you, stays in touch and becomes someone you can’t count on – that’s how you know he is worthy of your love.

How To Spot A Man Who Just Wants Sex

Here are the 13 signs he just wants sex:

  1. He talks about your looks from the moment you meet.
  2. He brings up sex within the first couple of dates.
  3. He’s a super flirt, very charming and seems like a player.
  4. He wants to sext and asks for pictures.
  5. He only communicates (text, email, phone) when he’s wants a booty call.
  6. He says he’s not looking for a relationship but will get to know you.
  7. You don’t go out and have sex every time you see him.
  8. He’s got excuses for why he can’t spend time with friends.
  9. He never spends the night.
  10. He’s angry if you don’t hop in the sack.
  11. He’s not much for foreplay.
  12. You don’t know much about him and your conversations are superficial
  13. You haven’t met his friends.
These Are The Signs He Just Wants Sex

If you see more than one of these signs, accept the fact this guy is most likely only into you for the sex. And now that you know the13 signs, be smart and heed this warning.

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex if you protect yourself and agree to participate. It can be a fun, you might learn something new and it’s a great stress reliever. But keep your eyes open and be smart.

On the other hand, if you are looking for something more serious and lasting, hold off on sex until you  see if he qualifies as a romantic partner and meets your standards. This is how you value yourself and don’t get sucked into casual relationships, dreaming of something more.

If you want more help with learning how to understand men, why not schedule a session with me? There’s no charge for this 45-minute call where we will work to figure out what’s getting in the way of finding love with the right man and if coaching is for you. Book your session now!

The post 13 Shocking Signs He Just Wants Sex And How To Catch On Fast appeared first on It's Never Too Late for Love.

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