When a man sends mixed signals it can drive you crazy. You wonder, “Why does he ignore me if he likes me?” Maybe he’s inconsistent with calling, texting or asking you out? Find out what it means.
His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing
Dear Love Coach Ronnie,
I’ve been talking to this cute guy for three months. We have gone out a few times and it’s been a blast. But, he keeps giving me different signals so I feel confused about us. Sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he acts like he doesn’t.
Why does he ignore me if he likes me? Most of the time I contact him first, usually by text. He does respond, but doesn’t really initiate. What do you think I should do? What’s your professional opinion on this guy? Thanks, Texting Gal
Is He Into Me or Not?
Dear Texting Gal,
I realize this is confusing since he is so inconsistent. You don’t know if he’s into you or not because he’s so on and off again. Any woman would find his mixed signals confusing. The tendency for most women is to look at his actions that show he DOES like you and rely on them rather than look at the big picture of his behavior. Unfortunately, that’s not the best strategy and can easily lead you astray.
That’s why initially, you should let the man lead, just like in ballroom dancing. In other words, don’t initiate anything – let him do the work. This is the only way you can know how interested a man really is. When he makes the effort to get to know you, stay in touch and see you without your prompts, that usually means he’s into you.
Why Does He Ignore Me If He Likes Me?
Why would a man who seems interested choose to ignore you, not respond or delay his response? It sure isn’t a sign of genuine interest or true love. Don’t struggle trying to figure out his mixed signals on your own.
Instead, what I recommend is letting him run the show and watch what he does. Observing his behavior and paying attention to what he does to be which you tells you everything you need to know.
What does this mean to you? It means do nothing! Don’t text, email or call him, UNLESS he does FIRST.
Signs He Cares But Is Scared
Many of my clients are so busy looking for the signs he cares but is just scared, they miss the point entirely. He may act like he cares, but if he doesn’t initiate and you need to text first or suggest getting together, he’s not the right man for you. He doesn’t really care ENOUGH to be serious. You know this because his efforts to see you aren’t there.
That means if he says the sweet things, sends endearing texts with heart emojis, or tells you he thinks he’s falling for you, but he doesn’t call to set up a date at least once a week, it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Understanding Men Better
These are not signs of being scared, but of his insincerity. Maybe he wants attention or to build his ego. He might not be capable of a relationship or he’s cheating without really cheating on his current woman. That’s why he’s the wrong man. The right man doesn’t send mixed signals!
At the start of dating, following the man’s lead will help you gather important information about him. How often does he text or email? And more importantly, how often does he schedule a date?
He’ll Show You His True Intentions
That’s why I recommend you hold back from contacting men. Give him a chance to show you what his true intentions, so you don’t WASTE YOUR TIME. Observing a man’s actions is much better than his relying on his words to find out if a guy is really into you.
However, in this case, you’ve already been interacting and dating for a few months. You can’t really start over which makes things more difficult for you.
I’m going to take a risk and be really honest and direct with you since you did ask for my professional opinion.
What His Inconsistency Says About Him
A man who is inconsistent can be a symptom of several undesirable dating behaviors. He might be sending mixed signals because he’s:
Dating lots of women
Not emotionally available
Not sure what he wants
Keeping you “on the line” as a time filler until he finds a better woman
Thinking you are better than nothing
Wanting intimacy that doesn’t require much effort on his part
He’s Not Serious about You
In this case I’m sorry to say he’s not serious about you. And when a man isn’t seriously interested, you have no leverage or power to change things. So, please listen to my advice and don’t bother trying.
Make it a point to go out and flirt with new guys to find a man who will consistently call, text and date you. You deserve so much more from a romantic partner. Don’t put up with this nonsense thinking its going any where. If you find yourself wondering “Is he into me?”, that’s a sign.
How to Recognize a Relationship Ready Man
I suggest that you move on to find a man who wants a relationship with you. In case you need help recognizing that in a man, here’s what to watch for:
Calls at least once a week or more
Takes you on dates at least once a week
Texts in between and stays in touch
Wants to get to know you
Tries to please you and win you over
Introduce you to friends and family
Asks you to be exclusive (this can take a couple of months)
If you meet enough men, you’ll find a good one and the right one for you!
Wishing you love,
P.S. Ready for more “straight talk” dating advice?
Need help understanding men in a long distance relationship? What can you do about a man who is pulling away? Discover how to handle the lag in his attention.
Is He Pulling Away?
“Dear Ronnie The Love & Dating Coach for Women,
I met this great guy online and we’ve been ‘dating’ long distance for 7 months. I live in California and he lives in the U.K. The moment we started chatting, we hit it off and talk or message every day,. We’re very attracted to each other and have already exchanged I love you’s.
I finally met him and we had a blissful two weeks of bonding together. Of course, we were intimate (6 months of physically longing for each other is a long time!) and the sex was fantastic. It was difficult to leave him after spending every waking moment together and he even introduced me to his parents and I spent time with his 3 year old son.
He’s Become Unavailable
Now, being back almost a week I feel some anxiety. Maybe it’s separation anxiety? We’ve Skyped only a few times this week and he’s had visitors so I haven’t ‘seen’ him. He messaged me, told me he loves me, but other than that, hasn’t initiated contact in a day or so.
Maybe I’m over thinking this, but could it be that he’s pulling away from me? It feels like I have more of a need to see and talk to him than he does for me. It’s not that he’s cold, it’s that he’s become unavailable.
I knew going in that a long distance relationship would be hard. It’s difficult to know what to do or how to act when he isn’t physically here.
What Can I Expect in a Long Distance Relationship?
Should I call or message him when he’s not initiating contact? What’s the protocol in a long distance relationship and what should I expect? I read with great interest your stand on women ‘pursuing’ men (don’t do it) but I hate to think that he and I haven’t already established an open line of communication by now.
He hasn’t indicated any level of annoyance when I’ve gone overboard trying to reach him, but I don’t want to push him away by appearing desperate or needy. (Even though I feel like I am!)
Does He Need Space?
So I wonder: Is it necessary to give someone ‘space’ when there is already an abundance of geographical space? Is Skyping everyday and chatting while we play an online game together too much? I am really into this man and am hopeful about a future together.
Please help me with some of your amazing insight,
An Anxious Attachment Style
You could be over thinking this and are showing signs of having an Anxious Attachment style according to Dr. Amir Levine’s book Attached. It’s not a bad thing, but it is important to recognize what triggers your anxiousness. Distance could certainly do it as well as declining availability.
Because you’re anxious, you’re looking for a bit more security and assurance that your relationship is still on track.
However, you also admitted it’s only been a day or so since you’ve heard from him. That might be a change, but not necessarily a new pattern right? You are feeling insecure and that’s putting you on alert which might be premature.
You probably need more time to know for sure if he’s pulling away. I will say that keeping up that kind of daily contact is not easy. Sometimes after actually meeting, the excitement can slow down or even wear off. That certainly has been known to happen.
Pull Back and Wait
While I agree, you’ve been ‘seeing’ each other for seven months, that’s not a true relationship. Skyping and gaming are not the same as a relationship with face-to-face dates. Yet, even if he lived near by, I would give the same dating advice which is this: Pull back yourself. You have already seen that pushing is not working, so it’s time to back off.
When you pull away, one of two things will happen:
1) He’ll come to you as you leave space for him to miss you
2) You won’t hear from him which is your biggest fear
However, both of these options are BETTER than pursuing him further. If he is just busy with visitors, you’ll look unappealing and desperate for his attention and that could much things up for sure.
Understanding Men – The Dance
When it comes to understanding men, know that a relationship is often like a dance, even as years go bya. Sometimes you simply have to pull back, give a man space and let him come to you. Otherwise, he can feel cornered and withdraw further which is not the reaction you want.
I could be completely off base, but I have heard this kind of story before. You think you are “dating” for months. The fantasy was romantic and fun for both of you. Then you meet and have an amazing time. it’s fun and incredibly romantic. Sadly, this has nothing to do with building a future together. Nor does it indicate whether or not he is serious about you.
Let Go To Know
I encourage you to let go and see what happens. It’s not easy, especially when you area feeling anxious. But you’ll see how he responds. If he comes back to you, then you know he really cares. If he doesn’t, better to know that he’s no longer interested.
One way to another, you might as well find out rather than waste several more months on a fantasy relationship with a man who doesn’t want what you want – true love. Understanding men in terms of their interest is a whole lot easier when you simply watch how they treat you and what they do to keep you.
Watch What He Does
If a man only has time to text, takes hours to respond, or let’s day go by, he’s letting you know that you aren’t that important to him. The most important thing to use as a measure of a man’s genuine interest is what he does to spend quality time with you. Far more telling that words which are easy and might mean very little.
If he starts talking about your next visit, then he’s planning to be with you again and that is a more positive sign for a future. but if you don’t want to move there and you aren’t sure if he’d move to you, this long distance relationship might not be going anywhere.
Advice for the Future
In the future, should this long distance relationship not work out, look for a man who is local. You will feel less anxious when a man lives near by and is easy to spend time with. Long distance relationships can be so romantic, fun and exciting, but if you want to actually spend time with someone special, the distance makes it nearly impossible.
What should I look for in a man? Most single women have a list, but you want a man who is good relationship material as well as meeting your list of requirements.
What’s On Your List?
Right now, I’ve had two new dating coaching clients who tell me the man they date must be absolutely brilliant. They didn’t ask me, “What should I look for in a man?” They had their requirements in mind already. I spoke to them both separately about this need for a brilliant man.
I asked both of them, “Really? He must be brilliant? What if the guy is just smart? What is it about brilliance that is so important? Will his brilliance make him a loyal partner or kind? Supportive or fun to be with?”
Do Your Requirements Ensure Compatibility?
Both clients thought about this for a minute and realized a man’s intelligence did not guarantee he would be a good or loving partner. Regardless, both women insisted this is a “must have” trait for them.
Delving deeper, I asked how their relationships with brilliant men had been so far. They sadly admitted not so good, since both were divorced. Each woman said her husband was NOT emotionally intelligent or available. Yet, they both insisted this was a deal breaker. This is what they find attractive and simply can’t help themselves.
That seemed ridiculous to me. Had they ever even tried dating another type of man to know if that were true? Nope, neither had explored other options.
People Are “Package Deals”
When it comes to qualities at any extreme, (i.e. brilliant versus smart) you cannot separate the parts of a man you like from the parts you don’t. Chances are extremely high that every time these women find a brilliant man, he will also lack emotional intelligence. That’s how it works. When one quality is super developed, there is usually another less developed. This is what I mean by package deal – the traits are most often found together.
What should you look for in a man? Balance is one of the most important traits! You want him to be super intelligent? Sure, but make sure he’s also emotionally available. A man who is balanced will be a good partner because he…
Talks things through when trouble arises
Knows how to compromise
Is interested in your needs and not just his
Wants to spend quality time with you
Enjoys your company
Don’t You Want an All-Around Great Partner?
The package deal holds true for the upper end of any spectrum. For example, the most charming man is often the a player and the least loyal. A super successful guy will put his career first instead of you. Same goes for a sports enthusiast – you’ll never be his main priority. Or a guy who is the life of the party will want all the attention. Are you starting to see the big picture now?
What Should I Look for in a Man?
I’m not saying you shouldn’t go after the kind of man you want. Sure, write it all down on your list. Just make sure you also include the kind of traits that make him a good husband too. And then be realistic and willing to trade the extreme of any quality for compatibility and long-term, healthy love.
The Definition of Insanity
Do you know the most common definition of insanity? It’s doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a new outcome. In other words, if either client finds another brilliant man, he will probably be lacking emotional IQ. Yes, that’s the way this works. If these women truly want to find lasting love with a wonderful partner, they need to rethink “brilliant” as a top requirement.
Focused on One Trait
When you are overly focused on just one trait, or shooting for the moon, you will absolutely miss out. You’ll pass over quality men who would make great boyfriends or husbands. Don’t do it! Instead, set the bar to a more realistic place to improve the odds of finding an awesome man AND a compatible partner.
“When you ask, “What should I look for in a man?” I’m not saying you should lower your standards or date a man who isn’t smart or what you want. But you can be more realistic. Could he simply be smart and good at what he does vs. Einstein material?
Compatibility Comes from a Balance of Traits
You want a man who is capable of having a healthy relationship to create a happy life together. Wouldn’t that be better than a brilliant, narcissistic man who will forget dinner plans, never ask about your day or overlook your birthday because he was, well…busy being brilliant?
I’m hoping you’ll rethink your list. And if you haven’t made one, ask yourself, “What should I look for in a man?” Please give this serious consideration. That’s my dating advice for women over 40 because more than anything, I want to see you find love and live happily ever after.
If you ask, “Am I too nice to get a boyfriend?”, the answer is yes. Asking shows you are aware that your disposition might be getting in the way of love.
Could I Be Too Nice?
Oh yeah, it’s absolutely possible.
Let me give you an example from one of my clients who was too nice to get a boyfriend. Anna told me she’s a normal, smart, attractive, 40 something woman with a sense of humor. She’s been dating for years and seems to always encounter the same problem with the men she meets and dates.
The men she attracts seem into her at first. They text, email, message on social media or even sometimes call. They ask her out on 2-3 dates, but then they start cancelling or standing her up completely. Still, they stay in touch from time to time and ask her out and she hangs in there hoping things will work out. However, they usually never go on a date again or a lot of time goes by between dates.
This frustrates Anna and she’s tired of it. Who can blame her? Why do men always treat her this way? This leads her to wonder, “Am I too nice to get a boyfriend?” Let’s look at this situation a little deeper to gain clarity for Anna and for you too.
What Does Being “Too Nice” Mean?
The trouble starts early on when a man first shows signs of not being respectful. Anna is a forgiving and understanding person, so she tends to overlook questionable behavior. She accepts excuses like a man being busy at work or needed by a friend.
Does that make her a good person? Not exactly. What does being nice get her in this situation? Not the guy! If you want to find love, you have to eliminate men who are sure to waste your time. To do that, you must be able to identify who these men are more quickly rather than waiting around and hoping.
The first two dates with Jack were wonderful. He seemed into her and said sweet things like, “You are exactly what I’m looking for in a woman.” She took that to mean he was serious about getting to know her. Jack asked for a third date, then cancelled 30-minutes before getting together because he decided to hang with his buddies.
Anna explained that she understood how he wanted to be with his friends. Yeah, I get that too, but not when you are supposed to be on a date! He blew her off last minute and thought only of himself. Anna’s response was to be understanding. This is a perfect example of being “too nice.”
If You Don’t Value Yourself, He Won’t Either
Anna admitted she often gave men the benefit of the doubt multiple times. Is she too nice to get a boyfriend? Yup, she sure is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she should have yelled, given him a piece of her mind, caused a scene or called him on his stuff. A lot of women go this route and that will not work either.
A man is who he is and you cannot change him. Being patient and nice won’t change him either.
Instead, what Anna needs to set the bar higher for the men she dates. She also needs to REALIZE when a man is inconsiderate that should automatically eliminate him from having any potential as her boyfriend.
Is it right to make this snap judgement if he did this only one time? Maybe not. Anyone can mess up one time. But not more than once. And in this particular case, Jack chose to be with his friends instead of keeping his commitment to go on a date with Anna.
That is not a real excuse like getting stuck in traffic or having to work late. It’s just a selfish choice. Anna needs to know she deserves to be treated with consideration and kindness.
Shouldn’t You Be Understanding?
Yes, there are times when you will need to be understanding, because anyone can make a mistake or have something come up. Trouble is, Anna allows men to treat her without respect multiple times. That’s more like being a doormat.
Sadly, Anna puts up with guys repeatedly asking her out and cancelling or showing up late. Jack also got something for himself to eat at an event and didn’t ask if she wanted anything. That’s just rude! Jack should be off her list of suitors. Kick him to the curb girlfriend!
Is Being Nice Expected?
Again, Anna thinks being nice is expected of a woman, but this goes beyond nice. Her reaction to men’s poor treatment is to put up with it, hoping he’ll treat her better once he falls in love with her. That’s not how dating works! You want to find a man who treats you well from the start. Men don’t get “Nicer.”
If Anna were to ask, “Am I too nice to get a boyfriend?” we would all say yes at this point. The best way for her to react is to recognize he’s not worth dating. Then she can block him on her phone, unfriend him on social media and move on. There are better men to date for Anna and for you too.
When Is Being Nice Appropriate?
After being with my husband for 20 years (18 years married) I am happy to say it always pays to be nice to him. Trust me, when I’m in a bad mood and he doesn’t listen to me (like all couples – haha) I do NOT want to be nice. But I have found common courtesy as a powerful method to maintain respect each other. Respect is essential for long-term compatibility and happiness.
So, yes, I’m nice most of the time and thankfully he’s nice too. We still say please and thank you and show appreciation for the little extras rather than expect them. The difference is, I know my man is worthy of this effort. He was nice to me from the start and so it’s easy to be nice right back. Basic courtesy is always appropriate!
No Excuse For Poor Behavior
On the other hand, being nice when a man treats you poorly is not necessary or appropriate. That’s where you need to value yourself and set firm boundaries. There’s no need to put up with any poor treatment or behavior in the hopes a man will change. He’s showing you who he is right now, so move on if he’s not nice to you!
Any time you might find yourself wondering, “Am I being too nice to get a boyfriend?” you now know you are in trouble. Anna has set an intention to keep firmer boundaries and let go of men faster who don’t treat her well. That means she’s on the road to dating better men and finding lasting love.
Am I Too Nice to Get a Boyfriend?
So if you find yourself wondering about a new guy you are seeing, and questioning if you are too nice to him, ask yourself how he’s treating you. If he’s kind, considerate and keeps his word – great! But if he cancels last minute, never follows through or can’t keep a promise, dump him and move on. That’s the best way to avoid a broken heart and more bad treatment that’s sure to follow.
If you are sick and tired of trying to figure out what’s going wrong with your love life, let’s talk. Schedule your complimentary session and let’s see if coaching can help.
Heard of orbiting dating or have you already experienced this new dating trend? Find out what these terms and trends mean to your romantic life over 40.
What Is Orbiting Dating?
OK, you meet this great guy and things go well for a while. You add each other on Facebook, Instagram etc. which is natural enough. But sadly, something shifts and before you know it, you’re not seeing each other anymore. Often this happens early on, before you’ve even become a couple, so there’s not even a breakup.
Maybe he disappeared suddenly and you never heard from him again for what seems like no reason at all. Or he slowly drifted away. Either way, the curious thing is that he still follows you closely on social media and may even like and comment on your posts and stories.
Yet, if you text him, he probably won’t respond. Social media is the extent of his interest. This is the heart of orbiting dating.
Frustrating New Dating Trend
What the heck is this about? Why would a man who doesn’t want to spend time with you, orbit your social media posts, watching so closely? This makes no sense and for many women becomes highly frustrating. Sometimes a man will keep looking at your stories for months.
You might be surprised, but this kind of behavior has gotten so common that Anna Iovine, writer from Manrepeller, coined the term “orbiting” recently in 2018. Simply put, orbiting dating refers to someone who keeps you in his “orbit” or life, but only to watch or track. She pointed out that this is not the same as ghosting – the behavior takes on a new twist.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is when a man exits your life, disappearing like a ghost into the ethers. The dating term was added to the Urban dictionary in 2006, so the phenomenon has been around for a while. The dating trend of ghosting has become part of everyday language so that pretty much everyone knows now what ghosting means.
However, ghosting differs from orbiting dating, since you know the guy is still around seeing his social media activity.
There is certainly a voyeuristic aspect to orbiting dating, with a curiosity that gets satisfied by keeping track of you. A comment here and there might pique your interest and fool you into thinking he’s coming around again. Nope, don’t get sucked in or believe it. Sure, he might be interested from a distance, but this is not the behavior of a man who is serious about you.
Why Is He Orbiting You?
This is a really good question and there are a number of reasons that might be the root cause of this strange behavior. Here are my top five best guesses:
He doesn’t realize you can see him looking at your social media – duh!
He’s lonely, but not capable of a real relationship, so he follows you to feel connected
He’s bored and your stories are entertaining – he’s living vicariously through you
He likes to think there are a number of women in his “stable” so he hasn’t cut the cord
He gets off on viewing your life without having to be a part of it
What Is Breadcrumbing?
Since this post is all about new dating trends, let’s talk about breadcrumbing. This is different than ghosting or orbiting dating, because the man is still in the picture to some degree. But he’s only feeding you little crumbs of attention.
Sees his friends a lot, but can’t find time to be with you
Texts often, but doesn’t call
Schedule dates, but cancels frequently
Shows up for sex, then runs off to something else
Says he’s busy at work, promises to see you when things ease up
Asks for your understanding, especially if you object
Breadcrumbing means you are with a man who won’t spend quality time with you. He shares very little of himself and hopes to keep you interested with mere crumbs of his attention, hoping that will satisfy you.
Why choose to breadcrumb you? It’s a bit like orbiting dating. He isn’t ready for or doesn’t want a real relationship, he’s a player with multiple women, or he’s lacking in emotional IQ.
How To Stop Breadcrumbing
Most self-respecting women will not put up with this for long which is wise. Once a man starts breadcrumbing, there’s no returning the relationship to the glory of what it once was. You are on an irrevocable downhill slide that is only corrected when you END IT. Walk away with your dignity and head held high to find love with a better man.
New Dating Trend and Behaviors
The most important take away about orbiting dating, breadcrumbing and ghosting is this – these are not really new ways for men to treat you poorly. There have always been men who don’t treat women respectfully or cherish them as the joy of their life. This is NOT new. Maybe the method is new via social media stalking, but the meaning of the behavior is not.
Any man who disappears, runs hot and cold, parcels out his attention or will only text or view social media – all of this adds up to the EXACT SAME THING – he’s NOT the man for you!
You deserve better. You deserve true love and the whole shebang with a man who treats you like gold and knows how lucky he is that you are in his life.
If the man you are dating doesn’t act this way, that automatically makes him the WRONG MAN. Unless you don’t mind substandard treatment and a lack of respect…
Self-Respect and Self-Love
The best thing you can do if you continually run into men who fall into any of these three dating trends is to walk away. Respect yourself enough to not let men take advantage of you. Love yourself enough to know you deserve the real thing.
All love starts with self-love. So, if you think that this crummy guy is the best you can do, that’s where you are wrong. Time to look within and ask yourself how you can love yourself more. Most often, you’ll have to be there for yourself and take care of yourself to move on and find love again.
Here’s what is so amazing about self respect and self love: The more you love yourself and refused to put up with poor treatment, the better the quality of the men you’ll attract. I’m not kidding. This is how it works. Self -love, ATTRACTS real love.
Kick Him Out Of Orbit!
While you can’t stop a man from following you on social media, you don’t have to let it bother you. Unfriend and hide their posts when possible. Don’t give his ridiculous behavior any of your energy or thought. Don’t bother with it, respond to him or talk about him.
This way of handling orbiting dating will keep your energy free, so you can move on to find a better man. A man who wants to spend time with you and cherishes how you light up his life. He’s OUT THERE. But you’ll only find him if you aren’t all tangled up with some idiot who can’t or won’t deliver the love you want.
Believe in yourself and true love and you will find it. That’s one dating trend that has never varied or changed one bit. People fall in love every day. You could be next so don’t give up!
If you want to discover what’s holding you back from the love you deserve, schedule a complimentary 45-minute call with me and let’s figure out how to get you moving on the right path. Let 2019 be your year for love!
Seeking a second chance with your ex? Thankfully breakups are not always permanent. If you made a mistake or could have behaved better and want a second chance, try these seven tips to connect with your ex and discuss the possibilities of getting back together.
7 Tips to Get a Second Chance With Your Ex
Below you’ll find seven different ways to discuss what happened and see if the possibility exists to rekindle your romance. You don’t have to use them all of course. But, you may want to try
Taking the blame is one sure way to get your ex to hear you out. Were you wrong or did you contribute to the split? If so, admit it! You’ll be surprised at how relieved your partner is to hear you say this.
A breakup is often hard for both people. When you accept responsibility for what transpired, you can smooth the road for a possible reconciliation. Talk about what you regret or wish you could have handled better. Discuss what you learned from the breakup and what you’ll do differently in the future if given a second chance with your ex.
What makes a good apology? Saying you are sorry, sharing what you think you did wrong and promising how you’ll never do that again. Showing love and respect are both super important if you want to be taken seriously. A gift of flowers and chocolate or something similar that he really loves can’t hurt either.
If your ex has questions about why you broke up, be willing to discuss the issues with a lot of patience. Show your ex the willingness to hear him out and address his concerns about the disagreement and the future. That IS loving.
When your partner feels heard, especially If this is something that is a sticking point, that will also go a long way towards softening him up and getting a second chance with your ex. Facing this kind of difficult conversation demonstrates your sincere desire to make amends and be together again.
Make a Shift
Was your lifestyle the problem? Maybe you were out too many nights or worked too much. Perhaps you took your partner for granted and didn’t make enough time to be together. Get clear on what the problem really was because that is the only way you can potentially fix it.
If you are open to making changes and address your partner’s concerns, that is a huge step for reuniting. Just remember, this can’t be lip service. You must make the shifts you promise, or you’ll be back in the same difficult situation where you left off.
If there are things you wish your ex did differently, don’t sweep that under the carpet either. Now is the time to talk about all of it,so you can start with a clean slate. That’s how you get a second chance with your ex.
Change in Lifestyle
If time has gone by and you have made significant changes in your lifestyle, good for you. Whether it’s been weeks or even months, let your partner know that you have changed. Really changed. Explain how things are different and why that matters now.
Have you adopted healthier habits, paid off some debt, or cleaned up your act? Let him know all the good that you are up to. Combine this with an apology to make an even stronger case for reconciliation.
Learn to Listen
Poor communication causes a large percentage of disagreements. This can be a huge problem that makes what could have been a small issue, mushroom into a war-like argument. When you learn how to express your feelings productively and discuss things in a clear, calm manner, a lot of problems can be resolved.
Reflective Listening is one great method for talking things through is called, The first person shares feelings and a point of view, and the listener repeats it back in his or her own words. There is no interrupting; you patiently wait until each person takes a turn and is heard.
Use this simple process to ensure you both understand what is being said, avoiding further miscommunication. Then you can switch places, so both people get a turn. Learning to communicate well is a strong way to get a second chance with your ex.
Agree to use this simple method any time a disagreement comes up. This demonstrates your serious intent about getting along and will alleviate any fears of not being heard in the future.
If your ex requires your promise to change your behavior, and you are able to do this, go for it. As long as the request seems reasonable and doesn’t cause you stress or damage your self-esteem, give it a shot. Perhaps your ex is willing to do this also and make a change for you at the same time.
Trying new things and learning new methods to get along will improve your life together. And, you’ll both experience personal growth. Couples who learn together, grow together and more often stay together. Making and then keeping promises goes a long way for a second chance with your ex.
If your conversations and attempts to correct the problem are not working, but you still desire to be together, seek professional help. Start by reading the same relationship book and talking about what you learned as you both go through it.
Another big step that can create positive results and growth in the relationship is to try couples’ counseling. An objective third party can help you understand the source of your problem and how to resolve it effectively.
Is a Second Chance With Your Ex Worth It?
Before you try to get your ex back, make sure this isn’t just a reaction to the loss or that you feel lonely. The last thing you want is to end up in the same arguments or have an unhappy relationship again.
If he treated you poorly, you felt disrespect or were unhappy more of the time, don’t go back for more. Things will not get better and love alone is NOT enough to sustain a healthy, lasting relationship.
On the other hand, if you usually got along , but a big fight ruined everything, that might be worth the effort to reclaim what you once had as a loving couple. You might also want to read how to get over a breakup just in case
Knowing whether or not you should text a guy you just started dating can be positively frustrating.
For example, has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He’s easy to talk to, has a good sense of humor and gave solid answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. Then week went by. He texted once or twice, but didn’t ask about the weekend.
Expressing gratitude is the next step after feeling it and I have much to be grateful for. So, on this Thanksgiving Eve, I decided to write about all that I am thankful for to share these thoughts and possibly inspire you to do the same.
Readers, Fans & Followers
First, I am expressing gratitude to you who read my blog. How awesome is it to have avid readers and followers, no matter how many, that want to read what I write. As I share my insights on finding love, dating over over, understanding men and The Law of Attraction weekly, it is gratifying to think I might be helping you with your search for love. Thank you for your comments and sharing of my work!
Health & Wealth
I am entirely grateful for my health from which all else flows. And my gratitude abounds for any and all income that comes my way. Wahoo!
Love & Family
For my adorable husband, Paul, who makes me hot tea on a cold winter day and finds countless ways to make me smile and laugh I am forever thankful. I worked hard to find this loving man and his love is completely worth it. I am always expressing gratitude for him and how lucky I am that he is in my life.
My deepest gratitude to Paul’s sister Maureen, who thought her brother might like me. She was right and I will never forget the night we met. I wish every one of my readers could have a Maureen in their lives. Go meet new people including women because you just never know who your love connection will be!
Speaking of family, I’m expressing gratitude for my brother Roy – the best brother ever, his darling wife Risa, and two sons Andrew and Zack (and their cool girlfriends). I LOVE THEM and cannot wait to see them all tomorrow and share another amazing Thanksgiving meal. Don’t want to leave out my cousins and in-laws as well. And to my parents who have passed on, you raised me well and helped me to forge my own path – thank you!
Girlfriends get me through the day! For all your support, friendship, ideas, guidance, empathy and joy, thank you! What is better than the feeling of sprained cheeks due to exuberant laughter? A glass of wine, a good meal, a phone call, and a funny text. I am so grateful to each and everyone one of you and all that you bring to my life.
Creativity & Work
I feel remarkably lucky to have my own business and be my own boss (although sometimes she can be quite demanding – haha). I’m thrilled for the opportunities to express myself and my creativity. Feeling inspired by a new idea, whether it’s for a program to help women over 40 find love or to make jewelry, paint, or cook a restaurant-quality meal (my gold standard), it brings me joy and excitement. I am so grateful for my creative spark.
Nature & the Great Outdoors
Can’t say enough about walking in my neighborhood on tree-lined streets and enjoying all the flower gardens along the way. Nature is beyond amazing. I am so grateful to live just two miles from the shoreline that never ceases to relax and soothe my soul. I am one with the sand, surf and sun, even though it’s really a small beach, with little 6 inch waves in Long Island Sound.
When crocuses push their colorful blooms up above the snow in March, I am beyond grateful and look forward to that mark notifying me that spring is coming and then my beloved summer.
Spirit and Source
While I am not religious, I do believe in something bigger than myself and am beyond grateful for any and all help from the spirit realm. Thanks for your guidance, inspiration, support on my path whether it is smooth going or rocky. Also a shout-out to the nature spirits who make things grow in my garden – you rock!
Additional Gratitude Ramblings
I’m grateful for the beauty of snowflakes and the red and yellow flames of a fire. Expressing gratitude for Bravo TV – without you, I would not see the Real Housewives of New York or Beverly Hills or feel shocked by what happens on Below Deck or Vanderpump Rules.
The sunshine on my face, the crunch of leaves on a walk through the woods, and the sound of the surf crashing make me feel eternally thankful. When a reader emails me to say thank you, my heart bursts with enormous gratitude. The smell of brewing coffee, freshly cut grass, and something baking always makes me smile.
To Michael Connelly, who no doubt writes the best detective stories of all time (i.e. Harry Bosch) and all the self-help authors who opened my eyes.
For the movies Practical Magic, Shipping News, Sleepy Hollow (with Johnny Depp of course) Gladiator, Dangerous Beauty and the first four Harry Potter movies – how many times can I watch you? This still remains to be seen. And The Big Bang Theory because I simply can’t exist without comedy.
And let’s not forget turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy (neither of which my mother ever made – thank goodness for the Ward family who showed me what I had been missing!), cranberry sauce, green beans, and pumpkin chiffon pie – yes! I look forward to it all.
Wishing you the most amazing, fabulous Thanksgiving ever. Expressing gratitude is good for the soul -so tell those you love how much you appreciate them. There can never be too many messages of gratitude.