At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was so very uncomfortable. Now being uncomfortable has become the new normal! I would strongly suggest going through your clothes and put away all the things that you know you can't wear.
I was then very pleasantly surprised to see that I already had some great staples from MOM’s that I could rotate throughout my pregnancy. It was definitely more than I thought considering my wardrobe had gotten significantly smaller. Here are just the top 10 things that I would not have been able to survive without in the beginning and are now heavenly as my options dwindle down.
#1 The Jumpsuit
I know what you’re thinking. A jumpsuit? A one piece? How are you able to go to the bathroom! The answer is simple: easily. It all come up, it all comes down. Now zippers or hooks and The Hudson Jumpsuit is made with alex & harry’s amazing modal fabric so it’s like walking around in my pajama’s, but I look way cuter. Drop waist also doesn’t pinch anything or make me feel like I have a wedgie whenever I walk.
In that same vein that I wanted to be comfortable above all else, Susana Monaco’s Legging was a game changer. The band is higher, but didn’t cut me off or make me feel like I was being cut in half. And who is going to say anything to me if I want to wear them as pants?
#3 The Skirt
At the beginning, I couldn’t stand the thought of anything on my stomach. It made me ache and so nauseous. So when I first tried the Textured Pencil Skirt from Tee’s by Tina….it made all the difference in the world. Seamless and stretchy was the perfect combo for me. I can wear it with nicer blouses or just my t shirts.
#4 The Maxi
The Madison Maxi is maxi to end all maxi’s. For me it all comes down to that magic modal from alex & harry, the cinched sides that flatter a not-so-bump bump, and how easy it is to style. I tend to tie a knot at the end, near my knee, and it does midi super well. Either with heels or my Wonder Woman converse. The more one thing can do the better!
(See below for # 11 Maxi)
#5 The Cotton Tank
Another amazing piece from alex & harry. The Original Cinched Top! This time in a cotton that breathes with me and doesn’t sheer out so I’m not having to worry about my bra showing through. Also cinched to flatter the figure as you grow without looking frumpy.
#6 The Textured Tank and Top
Now that my bump has gotten bigger, a bit more noticeable, I like to be able to show it off. The Lattice Tank and Top (above) from Tee’s by Tina allows me to do that. It’s fitted, but not too constricting, while the texturing does what ruched sides does…but all over!
With a growing bump and start of my second trimester, I have finally come to the point where I’m so gratefully to have a pair of jeans that fit. DL1961 Power Skinny Emma in Token- I have can’t get enough of them. I was a jeans girl before and they really help me feel like myself again. Then, black jeans are a necessity J Brand in their Seriously Black...seriously love. The. I said I was a jeans girl right? Yeah, there are now a couple of pairs of Paige in my rotation, getting heavy rotation. Three or four pairs are what most of our clients do, and now I see why? They're jeans! We need them. Every day!!
# 8 Active Legging
Okay this one isn’t technically something I need, but it is something I desperately wanted.The Active Zip Legging from Ingrid & Isabel is comfortable enough for yoga or for just walking around. You can pull the panel over the bump or leave it folder under.
#9 The Everyday Dress
It's great for everything. BBQ, date night, weekends with family. The bandage dress design of it is so flattering and helps camouflage a not so hard bump. Plus it nurses. Too soon for a nursing piece? Never! Fashion and function is the name of the game with the Gwen Nursing Dress.
#10 The Cardigan
This is something I have had for years and will continue to wear for years to come, at least until I wear holes into it. The Kate Cascade I have worn over tops, dresses, as a wrap top and tied every way I can. It’s comfortable beyond belief and totally reasonable to have in every color.
And, who knew that I would live in the microstripe maxi? Not me! But, the Kate Cascade over the Microstripe Maxi is something I have been living in! And, yes, there may be more than one color in my closet;)
Honestly, with just these pieces, and, oh a few essential short sleeve and long sleeve tops (which I have in buckets because they are must-have, pregnant or not) I could manage. I naturally am having lots of fun adding other pieces....
Starting an entire wardrobe from scratch for this new "blooming" body was something that you'd think I was prepared for, working here..and I had a head start, but, just another "Oh, so that's how it is." moment in this pregnancy thing!
As you may have already figured out, the bump isn’t the only thing that’s getting bigger and heavier these days.
Ta-ta’s, the girls, boobs; whatever you call them, they need lift and support too.
The best way to get support is with the right bra and a proper fit. With weight pulling on your chest muscles, and milk filling you up to the brim, it can get uncomfortable really quickly if you’re not prepared.
Here are the bras you want and need:
The Buttercup comes in fuller cup sizes, but most of our fuller cup moms prefer a bra with an underwire. (More on underwires below)
It's your favorite tee shirt bra, but better with a bump and nursing.
clips down for easy access,
straps can be converted to racer back
buttery soft as its name suggests
fully lined cup
lower cut, but still full support
comes with a bra extender for that last month when the baby in you is maxing out your rib cage, while also fitting and allowing you to get the support you need after delivery. woohoo.
Every Body B-DD
Seamless! That in and of itself is already a winner, but you know it’s so much more than that. The Body Silk Seamless is perfect for the days when you want to just be comfy - all while keeping the girls in place.
clips down for easy feeding
wide back is smoothing and minimizes back...well, you know, no other way to say it..minimizes back fat
super comfy by all accounts
band is the right amount of width to give support and also keep anything from digging into your rib cage or the bump as you grow.
Silver Breeze technology. What’s that mean? Sweat won’t make it immediately smelly and keeps it breathable during work out, and life
straps convert to racer back or not
Every DD-H Cup
Basically this is the Buttercup's big sister.Once you've entered this part of the alphabet, a wire just makes you feel better, and give a bra the structure that it needs to give the best support.
clips down for easy access,
straps can be converted to racer back
buttery soft and smooth
fully lined cup
lower cut full support
comes with a bra extender for that last month when the baby in you is maxing out your rib cage, while allowing you to get the support you need after delivery. woohoo.
A word on underwires: Some lactation specialists will advise against wearing a wire. We are not here to argue. Bravado wouldn't make it and we wouldn't carry it if it was known to be harmful. Ideally we get to have one of us, trained and certified bra fitters, fit you properly. See notes below on proper fit.
Every Body Loves This: A-G
Seriously. Everyone loves this nursing take on the classic CK bralet.
Wearing a cup size above a D? Have no fear, my dear, this amazing bra also comes in Full Cup. All the same great benefits for sizes ranging from DD to G.
Both the Original add the Original Full Bust:
perfect for packing in the hospital bag,
perfect for wearing as a sleep bra
perfect for the first few weeks home
perfect for every day , with enough support that if the planets align and you can leave the house it's not obscene
racer back design gives you the lift and support you’ll need as your size fluctuates between feedings
cottony soft and cool
The Best Nursing Cami (B-DD)
Yes. The best. So the moms have stated, which is why it is now is the only one we carry. The moms spoke. We listened.
support like a "real bra"
need a pj top? not feeling like wearing a sleep bra-yes
yoga - yes
for layering under everything-yes
hospital bag fave, some have even told us that they labored in it (not the white, there will be blood)
small clasp on the straps to convert to a racer back which give you some lift on the sides if you start to feel sore
A Word on Fit
Oprah says that 85% of all American women are wearing the wrong size bra. Assuming that this is true (which we assume, because Oprah said it!) then 95% of all pregnant and nursing women are probably wearing the wrong bra size. Eek. If you can, visit and get properl fit by a trained and certified bra fitter. Not nearby, drop us a line, text us or give us a call. We all know the importance of a well-fitting bra and will help you get what you need to survive from pregnancy into nursing.
Why fit matters:
You want to avoid stretch marks, mastitis, back pain
Clothes look better
A little lift goes a long way- looking droopy has made no one feel good ever.
Your body and spirit will thank you
Can't get to a Trained Certified Fit Specialist?
Try your bras on when you get them-and pay attention to the following:
in the first 4 months? you should be comfortable on a tighter hook in back
5-8 months? middle hook is your goal comfort zone
9th month -go for the loosest hook, and if that feels tight, that's okay, you're about to have a baby, you may look pregnant after delivery, but your rib cage will be smaller, so, at least there's that?
after delivery? loosest hook (elastic breaks down and this will allow you to make it tighter as the elastic breaks down)
look in the mirror-is the band riding up in back? take the bra off, it's too big in the band and is not going to give you the support you deserve
if you are trying on an underwire bra, feel where the wire is hitting you-it should be back off the soft tissue of the bust-under your arm somewhere
lean over and scoop your breast tissue towards the center. this is particularly important with an underwire bra. if you are spilling out of the center take the bra off, it is too small in the cup
we strongly recommend getting 3 different bras, you'll end up with more, but this will help you figure out which ones work best for you
There are options that are both comfortable and cute, and get the job done right.
Now, getting that baby to nurse and sleep on schedule, you’ll have to figure out on your own ;)
There is so very much that we cannot be prepared for in pregnancy and parenting- getting proper bra support is one place that you can actually take control of the situation.
Should you plan a maternity shoot? Should you schedule a newborn photo session?
First off-we rarely tell you what you should do, there are plenty of other folks who are more than happy to do that! We don't care what you do, we just want you to be happy and make decisions that you feel good about; in style and so much more. (A disclaimer is needed here for anyone who has ever shopped with us for denim in store-we get a little bossy and strongly advise on sizing.)
The real question is "Do you want to invest in a pregnancy or newborn photo shoot?" It's your call. And, here's the thing to consider-there is a very small window, so, we do feel that you might want to give it some thought in advance.
There is no right or wrong, there is only a what is right for YOU! What do you want?
Things to consider:
There are going to be plenty of pictures of you pregnant, do you want one that you could hang on a wall? (Not that you have to do that.)
If you want to celebrate your pregnancy with a professional shoot, what is your dream?
Is it black and white and all about the bump?
Do you want skin, no skin or both?
Do you want a spouse represented as part of the process?
Do you want a picture of your and your family on a beach/forest//field?
(and, yes, that's our very own Dede, pregnant with her now 6 year old)
Reach out to a photographer early to schedule your session when the bump is ready for it's close up.
There will be about a billion pictures of your beautiful perfect baby.
The thing about having a newborn is this: you have a newborn.
You may not have time to take the ideal picture that you will want on the walls in ten or twenty years.
Think about what you want here as well; baby in a basket? On a bed? Props or no props?
Another thing to consider when making a decision to get professional pictures: There will be a million pictures, but there may be zero pictures of you, your spouse and the baby/babies!
There may be virtually no pictures of the whole family. And even fewer in which everyone looks even remotely good, someone always has "that face" or their eyes shut-it's just a thing.
Do your research.
Taking some time to find a photographer is important. Sometimes your wedding photographer is a good option. Sometimes they are good for weddings, good with newborns...but those newborns grow! Are they the right fit for your family? (And they might be!)
In working with a photographer you are building a long term relationship!
And, like any long term relationship, it's good to know what you want and to take time entering the relationship!!
We have been fortunate to partner with many amazing photographers through the years, women who make moms, and dads,happy. They always offer our clients a special promo when we have them hang a show on our walls. With your $300 in-store purchase you will be eligible for a complimentary sitting (a roughly $300 value), just ask your stylist at checkout and we'll give you your card. Currently Classic Kids is hanging in LA (and they have locations in Los Gatos and Burlingame, so, if you like their style, they are happy too offer this promo in these 3 Caifornia locations), One Love Photography is hanging in San Francisco and this year we are thrilled to have Lisa DeNeffe Photography in Palo Alto. Lisa has an amazing range of styles and she also offers in studio, in home or outside options.
Lisa's offer includes:
Making the appointment for either maternity or newborn photos
A session to discuss location and type of photography you'd like
Time with a professional photographer, about an hour
Order session two weeks after your initial shoot
From start to finish they are honestly amazing.
Here's a little more from Lisa:
For over 10 years, Lisa DeNeffe Photography has been transforming the way families enjoy and live with their photography by creating memories that will be treasured for a lifetime.
I LOVE being able to capture true emotion for a lifetime and being part of your family’s most precious moments. Having families come back to me year after year is an honor that is hard to put into words. For those of you who have worked with me, thank you so much for that gift. And for those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to meet and work with me yet – please get in touch! We always start the process with a complimentary planning session to be sure that we are the best fit and to understand your goals and desires. Photography is the best thing I’ve done in my life. I keep counting my lucky stars to be doing what I love and bringing joy to families.
What we do: We specialize in finished fine art products that capture the essence of your family and are designed to last for generations. Our wall portraits are customizable, frame-less fine art pieces ready to install on your walls. We design unique collections of your favorite images specific to your interior spaces.
What about digitals? Digitals are both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because they are easy to share online but also a curse because they end up on old hard drives or phones. Someday our children and grandchildren will have no box to open with that framed photo, canvas or album as we did. Your photos are your legacy. This is why Lisa DeNeffe Photography is a finished product photographer.
We love making you products to create and preserve your legacy. Time and time again our families tell us how much they treasure their wall art and we truly believe our motto: "Let your family be your art!" But we do offer digitals as part of our collections, a la carte, and in our wedding packages.
Check out their Babies portfolio and their Wall Art. Still have questions? Check them out at lisadeneffe.com and get in contact with their awesome team!
Do you find yourself asking the question "But, what size AM I???" Yeah.
Pregnant is not a size.
There are guides on how to dress your shape if you're an apple or a pear, but what if you're a pear - with a cherry?
What size do you need with a cherry and will it fit with a honeydew melon?
Is it "normal" to be outgrowing your clothes when you're carrying a cherry?
Dressing while pregnant is like dressing a moving target, but, it can be done with relative ease and a lot of style and fun.
What size AM I now?!
The easiest answer to this is: with average weight gain you will wear the same size while pregnant that you wore before the pregnancy. Yep. From raisin to watermelon. For the full 40. Your shoulders aren't growing. It will feel like your back is growing because you will want to rip your bra off because it's too tight, but that's actually your rib cage, not your back.
While pregnant, everything that you buy should be either stretchy or flowing from your clavicle bone to about 5 inches below your hip bone, because, you're pregnant! If you go up 2 sizes, that will take you about 2 months, not to term.
And, one more disclaimer aside from the "average weight gain", which for these purposes is around 35 pounds, is that most of us are different sizes in different styles. That's why on our website there are four different charts for XS-L because different designers run differently, one designers' XS is a 0-2, whereas another ones may be a 2-4 and so on.
Get the size that fits you where your baby is not growing, and while that may feel like it's your big toe, it really is between your clavicle bone and about 5 inches below your hip bone.
Do not go up a size just because you're pregnant. If we had a dime for every woman who comes in with jeans that are falling off her, we'd be wealthy.
Do I need different clothes for different months?
We encourage people to buy clothes that they love, bump & beyond. In fact, it's in our mission. So try to buy things that will fit you for every trimester! Even within a trimester a lot will change, and how one person carries a pear- or looks at 17 weeks- is different than the next. Don't compare, your pear is perfect.
The things that get when the baby is a lemon should still fit without a problem the day before you deliver. There is a chance that you may end up buying things that don't take you to full term because your watermelon is sitting horizontally, not vertically and some things just do not fit. It happens. If you've bought something that you love, then you will wear it on the trip back down. Because that's a thing, you don't deliver and look *poof* no fruit! Don't fret about it, just wear it after delivery. (And, if you're planning on nursing, keep this in mind from the very beginning.)
Aside: jeans are another thing entirely, people end up with 3 different sizes in 3 different jeans, so, read the descriptions and touch base and ask questions!
When should I start wearing maternity clothes?
Ah, like so many things abut parenting, and life, there is no right or wrong.
Do you feel fat?
Even if you're just at kumquat/10 weeks. Happens all the time. If it's not your first baby, then you'll almost definitely break into stretchy earlier than with your first.
Do you have to unzip your pants when you sit down.
When will these things happen? Everyone is different. Even mangos come in all shapes and sizes.
I'm only insert a week and nothing fits, is this normal?
Normal is a term we try to stay away from. In parenting and in life.
If your clothes don't fit, your clothes don't fit. Going on a crash diet won't help this time, because, woohoo, you're pregnant!
As one very wise husband said to his wife before she came in "I know that you say you're "just a little pregnant", but, the truth is that pregnancy isn't like that. You either are or you are not pregnant, and, you ARE pregnant, so please go feel good about it!"
In the shop, we see most people come in around this stage, but plenty come in before, and plenty come in after.
It's also important to remember this; your baby may be the size of a lemon, but there's other changes going on in that body of yours as well-like a placenta, amniotic fluid and more!
No matter what week you are, try to find things that you like and that you feel good in. If it feels too big, odds are that you don't feel good in it unless you love too big clothes (and there's nothing wrong with that!). If it is super stretchy but you feel self conscious, that's not good, try to find something that fits your shoulders and gives you room everywhere else. This is a time to be open to new things, from blueberry to watermelon to forever.
Embrace this body! It's making a human! Be nice to it! And FEEL GOOD!
Our very own in house lactation consultant in LA, Carla, shares her boobalicious knowledge. Bear in mid that these are questions she gets asked by people InRealLife, who are standing in front of her, so, listen to yourself and find an InRealLife consultant if you are concerned, or, ask your doctor or midwife.
And, a word on breastfeeding-it's your choice. Most moms we meet want to nurse their baby, and we encourage that. AND we counsel moms daily assuring them that they are not a bad mother if nursing doesn't work for them. Momming is hard enough without feeling shame or failure.
Happy and healthy mom is best for baby.
#1 My milk has not come in, should I use a breast pump?
Should you? Sure, no reason not to. And no reason to panic either. Stimulation of breasts through the baby sucking or the pumping action of a breast pump helps bring in your milk. Let baby suck, especially in the beginning, because breast is where they're going to get the colostrum.
The first 24 hours are when your breasts produce colostrum-a superfood which is a yellow, sticky fluid that builds a strong immune system, coats the digestive tract, acts as a laxative, prevents jaundice--kick starts the liver, and is a complete protein meal. Good stuff.
#2 Is my baby getting enough milk?
Your baby's stomach is approximately the size of its fist. A good way to measure intake and output is to count wet and dirty diapers. The old saying "What goes in must come out" is a true adage. 4-6 wet diapers and 2 dirty diapers is a good count for newborns.
Again, every baby is different. The above is a guide, not a rule.
#3 My baby seems hungry after I nurse should I supplement with formula?
This is a complex question and depends on different factors.
If your baby is not gaining weight as your doctor thinks is appropriate than the answer is yes, yes and yes and just ignore anyone who looks at you askance. They apparently do not have enough of their own business to mind. Feeding your baby is best.
Consider these factors. Many moms are instructed to nurse for 15 minutes on each breast. This is flawed advice. The first 15 minutes the milk is foremilk which is thin and pale blue. It is satisfying the baby's thirst. The next 15 minutes is the hind milk which is golden, thick and rich. This is satisfying the baby's hunger. It is packed with much-needed calories and nutrition. If you nurse 30 minutes on one side you are providing the complete meal.
Some well meaning people will tell you that supplementing with a bottle can cause nipple confusion where the baby refuses to take the breast. And, this can happen. The nipple on a bottle can be like a fire hose. The baby just presses it with his tongue and fluid pours out. So, pick your nips - make sure that the nipples are slow flow to avoid nipple confusion. See. That was easy, eh?
#4 When do I use a breast pump?
So, when or why? Most moms ask "When?" and what they really are asking is "Why?"
There are several times when you can use a breast pump if you want to. Just one of the many places in parenting where there is not a right or a wrong time or place, there is a time and a place that works for you.
When to pump is up to you-some people pump on one side while baby is nursing on the other-you are just sitting there after all. If you are away from baby, then pumping when baby is feeding, to continue milk supply, is a good way to go.
Here are reasons Why you might want to pump:
One reason to use a breast pump is to preserve the supply of breast milk. A secondary reason is to increase the amount of milk produced. A third reason is to have extra milk available for another family member to feed the baby. It's wise to freeze some breast milk for future use, you never know, and having it on hand can be great.
Pumps? Yes, we have opinions. Just ours. You don't have to agree.
A big one for us is this:
You should be able to wear a shirt while pumping. Period. No debate.
You're worth it. No more hanging bottles!! Tell us what you think.
#5 Does breast milk go bad?
Breast milk is fine at room temperature for 5 hours. Just remember the rule of 5's. 5 hours at room temperature, 5 days in the refrigerator, five months in the freezer.
In a formula, bacteria starts forming at room temperature within the first hour and should be discarded after two hours at room temperature.
#6 Can I wear an underwire bra while breastfeeding?
Most authorities say "no".
This is because, if Oprah is correct (and, she often is) in her statement that 85% of all women are wearing the wrong size bra, then we're guessing that that number increases to 99% when pregnant or nursing! Seriously.
So, if you are in that 99% and are wearing the wrong size and the underwire is pressing on breast tissue, then No, you should not be wearing that bra. An underwire should be against the chest wall and NOT pressing against breast tissue. Underwire pressing against breast tissue can cause painful mastitis which can lead to an infection or clogged ducts. And we would wish those on no one. A new mom's life is complicated enough. So, easier than saying "Get properly fit", people simply say "No underwires!"
Got another question for Carla? Find us on FB or IG or if you're in LA come visit her in our LA shop-schedule a time by emailing email@example.com; come in IRL, get set and styled with nursing tops and dresses and post-partum pants and schedule a mini complementary consultation too!
Nursing consultants play an invaluable role in the lives of many parents. Most doctors have never taken a course or class on breastfeeding. Carla is a trained and certified lactation consultant.
The wider waistband on these is so comfortable, but not noticeably maternity. (Because they are not maternity, but we've been carrying them for, oh, 15 years?) They are also thick enough to double as pants. We love that these will take you the whole way and are very nice to wear home from the hospital.
Alternate: craving an over-the-bump option? These are not as great forever after the bump, but are also thick enough to wear as pants and can be a good trip-back-down option postpartum, even if you might not be wearing them 5 years later as people do with the supplex.
This relaxed fit top is super soft and comfy and has enough room through the body to not highlight your expanding waistline if you haven’t shared your news yet. This pairs well with denim or leggings and is great under a leather or denim jacket from your regular wardrobe. It is a one-size-fits-most top, so it is also a great option if you are looking for a gift. It's also perfect for nursing in after. Fashion and function! Added bonus points for being easy to dress up in the midnight and black.
This boxy cut mid-weight sweater is as perfect for the transition in season, as it is for the transition of your body. The relaxed nature of this top will not announce your pregnancy before you are ready to share. Pair with a pendant necklace leggings/ jeans and booties. Staying true to our list, this piece is great before, during and after pregnancy.
We love J Brand denim in “real” life and are so happy they make maternity denim. The side panels make wearing maternity jeans comfy and stylish. They lack the giant over the belly panel of yesteryear. The panel makes it impossible to unbutton or unzip your jeans. This makes putting on denim at 28 weeks and beyond, more work than you want. These continue to grow with you, and are amazing for the postpartum road back to your pre pregnancy jeans.
We love this piece so much. It is another before, during, after piece. The low waist with drapey top makes for an easy transition piece. The buttery soft fabric makes you feel like you are wearing pajamas all day. We love this paired with sneakers and a denim jacket or wedges and a leather jacket for a more elevated look.
Start your wardrobe with these 5 basic pieces and you will be amazed at
a) how much better you feel
b) how much easier it is to get dressed every morning
c) how much more often people tell you you look great
d) how much straighter you stand up (okay, maybe that won't happen,, but we are constantly surprised at how, when women feel good they come out of the fitting room standing taller and smiling-no joke, we wouldn't make that up, pure observation),
e) how much better #pregnantlife is!
The next chapter is beginning, dress yourself right for this event and this is the place to start.
Of course the most exciting part of every pregnancy is finally meeting your baby.
Along the way, one of the many decisions that you get to make is deciding whether you want to find out the gender of the baby. So do you find out or do you wait? Do you have a pinterest worthy gender reveal party, or do you announce from the delivery room saying “It’s a BOY!” Or “It’s a GIRL!”
To find out the gender or not to find out the gender, that is the question. Neither is nobler than the other. There is no right answer, just a right-for-you-answer.
If you are a hyper planner, maybe finding out is good. Here's another thought: If you're a hyper planner maybe pushing yourself to wait is a good exercise. Not finding out could be the perfect stepping stone into the complete surrender of control that is parenthood. Just a heads up. You can plan, and that will help you, but the reality is that there is just so much planning that can be done, and some things you just don't know.
Some people like waiting to find out because it gives less time for well meaning relatives to shop for items that push their idea of gender onto the baby. Some parents-to-be may gag at the idea of a “Daddy’s Little Princess” and “Mommy’s Little Slugger” onsie.
From those of us here who have done it both ways- the “surprise” at 20 weeks and the “surprise at delivery” - we do have a couple thoughts to share, and, really, you'll do this one fine:
If you have a strong desire for one gender over the other, or just really don’t do well with surprises and feel like you need time to process the results, you may want to find out early. If you can’t pick a girl OR boy name it may simplify your life to find out and could save you months of coming up with 2 sets of names.
Whatever road you choose, sit back, put your feet up and enjoy the journey! One thing is certain, It's a baby!!
Pregnant moms, new moms and, let's face it,, all moms need hep. there is no shame in that. It's the best and the hardest job on earth. The ability to ask for help is one which sometimes needs exercising. Many of us believe that we need to do it all. And we can. But is that best for baby?
For many of us doing it ourselves is a "skill" that we built before we had kids, and we just drag it along with us when we have kids. I know that for myself I rose through the ranks at any job by "Fake it til you make it." determination, and many times that meant doing it all and certainly rarely asking for help!
Why Asking for Help Matters
Hello. Your workload just multiplied exponentially literally overnight.
And you are now in a job that you have no real life experience in, even if you've read and listened and have tried to train yourself.
We have heard so many tales of exhaustion from new moms who are serious professionals who could manage very impressive jobs who say "I was at the top of my field/ I was respected/ I was damn good at my job...I love what I do now, but I feel like a failure at this job, because... she's still crying/he won't sleep/nursing hurts/etc. I am so tired!!!"
Time for an Attitude Adjustment
Asking for help can be hard, but it could save your sanity, and a sane mother is a good thing.
Seriously, it's your sanity we're talking about here.. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Don't forget that. Then-you are life support for anther teeny tiny beautiful human. Sanity matters.
Know What You Want
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes...
In order to get what you want? You need to KNOW what you want, as well as what you need. Just another thing that some of us know, and sometimes we don't. It's better to know what you want, and know it before you are weeping or screaming;) And once you're pregnant, when I say Know What You Want I do not mean "A new house, a new car, etc." I mean simpler things like food cravings, a foot massage, the toilet seat down so you don't fall in in the middle of the night...
Practice While Pregnant
The first trimester is the perfect time to start honing your Ask Don't Tell skills." During the first trimester most of us tend to be fatigued beyond our imagination, and some also have the joy of regular puking. Of course, most of us also are not telling people that we're pregnant, making this a really fun three months:/
So, just stick your big toe in the water. Try a little ask. If you have a partner, start by gently explaining that your body is making a human, and while you may be making that look easy, it's sort of not always what it appears, so, you're going to be asking for maybe a little help.
WooHoo, the bump is starting to be real and the world can know it! Show it! Wear clothes that make you feel good, and, rub your belly early and often(not pregnant people do not rub their bellys so this will alert anyone who isn't sure if you're pregnant that Yes, you are pregnant.).
Let the asking begin. This does not mean start ordering people around because you're queen. It means asking for what you want. It can be pregnancy related, or, in the second trimester, just working on building that awareness of what you want-where you want to go for lunch/what you want to do on Saturday/what kind of scent you want that candle in/why you want and need another new pair of jeans etc.
Work it. By the third trimester hopefully you are getting a wee bit better at asking for things, because the opportunities here abound. Don't expect others to notice that you cant reach your toes-or the kitchen sink to do the dishes. Some will, some will not. Again, ask gently "Hey, could you.....?"
One Important Adjustment
If you can shift your inner narrative from
"OMG, they HAVE to..." "I HAVE to ask..."
"I GET to ask them to..." "I GET to..."
it can be a life changing thing. Try it. It takes practice. Do not expect overnight results.. Start building a new neuro-pathway today! You've got this!
The first few months of motherhood are a whirlwind of emotions. More love, loneliness, feeling of connection, exhaustion, talking to a baby who can’t answer you, laundry, googling (so much googling) than you ever know existed. Postpartum recovery and the first few months of motherhood can be unexpectedly trying. Here is what I wish I knew then.
Say yes to help.
If a friend or family member offers to watch the baby or cook you a meal or do your laundry or clean your house, let them. Even if they don’t do things exactly how you would. Let them help you.
Let technology be your friend.
We are so lucky to live in a time that you can go grocery shopping from your couch. Take advantage of all the apps to help you remember feedings and appointments, and if you have bills that are not on autopay, change that now! What a time to be alive!
Have food delivered or laundry picked up- this is one of the times in your life when what seems like an indulgence can really be an investment in your mental health.
Don’t compare yourself to other moms.
The flip side to technology is you can see how Lauren, from high school, lost all her baby weight in 5 minutes, eats really clean, goes for a jog after a 5 am feeding, and makes all her baby food from scratch. Good for her. That might not be true in your life right now, and that is ok.
Give yourself a break.
You are in the middle of one of the biggest transitions of your life, and are doing it on very little sleep.
You will have thoughts that you aren’t doing “enough” or not doing something “right.” It’s ok. That is how you learn and find your groove in this role of parenthood.