Yep, you read the title correctly! Let’s talk about the fun parts of preparing for your funeral! (No I’m not drinking right now either…)
Hitting midlife means you start to think about death and dying. But it doesn’t have to be all sad and morbid. Seriously, you can make it fantastic! My plan is pretty basic. Cremation, sprinkle me on my favorite beach and friends/family can bring some coolers of margaritas and sit around drinking and remember the fun times. No tears please.
So where is the RIP coming from? My crazy girlfriends!
We usually meet for lunch once a month. We talk about everything and all our secrets are safe with each other. We have laughed and cried together but we laugh more than cry for sure. I met these two wonderful ladies when our kids started playing soccer together in middle school and we have stayed connected ever since. Our kids are grown but they are still best friends too.
Our parents come up in conversations often. One friend has lost both her parents and the other lost her mom and we all pray for her dad. He is still going strong but as our parents age, we still worry like crazy about them. So we started talking about planning funerals.
Kathleen (one of the girls) started to tell us about helping her mom plan her funeral years ago. I probably won’t tell the story as well as Kathleen, but dang it I still laugh when I think about it. Her mom wanted to be cremated but she didn’t like the options for the ashes. Either too expensive or just ugly. So they started talking about options like maybe a favorite wine bottle….you can see where this going. But her mom wanted something a little more classy. Kathleen reminded her mom she had two really nice CHANEL purses! So they picked one and went with it!. I mean, seriously this is genius! Why not?! Those dang purses cost a fortune so why not be buried in it!
Come on, you know you are thinking right now about what you have lying around you could be buried in after death. lol I think we are running out of ground space to keep burying people underground. I just can’t see spiders and bugs crawling in and out of my eye sockets as I rot in the ground so I’m going the, scatter my ashes, route. Kathleen’s mom went in style!
Can you imagine them taking that purse to the funeral home? In fact, funeral home people will tell you they’ve seen it all. But this one threw their funeral home director for a loop! lol
In the end, Kathleen’s mom went to heaven in a CHANEL handbag. Now the family can have a good chuckle when they think of their mom. Isn’t that how we want to be remembered? We all need to grieve and morn, but at the end of the day, it’s the tears that come with the laughter that fill our souls as we remember our loved ones. I know Kathleen, Ginny and myself do. Love these ladies!
Keep Laughing….all the way to the end. Rest In Purse.
I’ll just come right out and say it. Either you are overjoyed that your college kid is home and it’s all rainbows and butterflies or you’re upping your anxiety meds to deal with the unknown. Either way, I have the answers. I am a pro at college kids now. (Not true. No one is.)
I’m going to give you some tips on getting through the summer with your college kids that will help you not to kill each other or ruin your relationships. But you’re going to have to trust me on this.
Take a deep breath. Learn Yoga and mediation. If you’re a drinker, stock up! Either way remember you are not alone. This migration from college to home life is happening everywhere. There are support groups too. And if any parent says the transition is easy and they aren’t having any issues, they are LYING.
Establish some rules. Yes they have done everything they wanted in college with no adult supervision, but while they are in your house it is still your rules. If they get sassy, threaten to stop paying their cellphone bill. They need a curfew (this is really for your peace of mind) an Uber or Lyft app (Face it, you would rather them to be smart than drive home after a drink and guess what parents, they are probably going to drink.) Also, make them get a job.
Now the rules are in place, tell them what you expect. Remind them their bedroom is not a dorm room. They have to keep it somewhat decent or roaches WILL appear. Bathrooms must at least have a path from the toilet to the sink. And they need to do their own laundry. You are no longer required to give them anything except a roof over their heads and food. (That they can cook and clean up after unless they choose to eat WITH you)
Make sure they know to keep up with emails from college. These can be important and if they miss one it could mean they lose a class or didn’t sign up correctly for next fall’s meal plan. And you know they hate email. So this has to be a reminder or you will see the toddler meltdowns reoccur.
Let them spend a few days adjusting to home life from school life. This means changing their eating and sleeping habits. No more day sleeping and eating in the middle of the night. They do need time to process this and you may see withdrawal symptoms. Hang in there!
Include them in family time. Have a movie night, dinner out, mini-golf. etc. This won’t happen often but you need to enforce it a few times to remind them of how families work.
Enjoy them being home. Tell them you love them. Tell them you are proud of how far they have come. Keep communication open. It’s key!
Finally, start packing up boxes and suitcases little by little so that by the time they are heading back to school it won’t be such a dramatic filled event. It will help in their transition back to college. Wave goodbye and get back to enjoying the empty nest life! Because in 9 months, they will be back again!
Here’s my kid who came home from his first year of college on crutches. His friend came to visit with her arm in a sling. Make sure your kids know where Student Health Services, Urgent Care and the local hospital is located!
BONUS: to help keep your college kid organized while at home, consider something like this from my Amazon Storefront:
If you think Mother’s Day is all about relaxing and the rest of the family pampering mom, you are high. No, seriously. Let’s walk through my Mother’s Day.
8:00 am: We get up and get ready to drive down to visit my mom and grandmother (who is 98 by the way). College kid has been yelled at 3 times to get up.
8:45 am: Older kid arrives at our house, on-time and ready. College kid is still trying to figure out life and I pray he at least brushes his teeth and finds his deodorant.
8:55 am: We make it out the door, I ask for hubby to take a picture of me with my boys so I can post it on social media and look like a perfect mom. Kids grumble. I use the F word and we finally get this:
9:05 am: we finally get in the car and drive. Kids fall asleep. Husband starts yawning and I think it’s Mother’s Day morning and my anxiety meds are not working yet.
10:35 am: my dad texts to see where we are. We are 10 minutes from their house. He does this every time we are visiting or meeting them somewhere. He has no patience either.
10:55 am: we arrive at my parents house then argue about where we are going for Mother’s Day Lunch. We end up at a buffet place 25 miles away. It’s me, my mom and dad, my brother (no pictures of him, he is in the witness protection plan or something) my kids and Big Daddy (hubby).
My dad and I argue who is going to pay for lunch. I told him it was my treat for mother’s day and he cops an attitude. My brother is just glad he doesn’t have to pay. My mother acts like we are one big happy fully functional and normal family. (Apparently her meds have kicked in).
They seat us (7 of us) at a table meant for 4. Oh this is just too much. But we get through it. Food is good. They actually had cornbread on the buffet the way my grandmother used to make it. Why is everyone and their cousin at this place at 11:30? Why aren’t they in church? I threaten to take one of college kids crutches to knock people out of the way. People are so freaking rude!
We finish, and head to the nursing home to visit grandmother. Another 15 miles away. Kids are starting to complain they need to get back home soon to see the Carolina Hurricanes play at 3pm. It’s mother’s day. Do they really think a quick lunch is all they have to do?
We reach the nursing home. As we are walking down the hallway to my grandmother’s room, I notice most of the women residents are alone. I try to smile and wave as I past each room. Where are their kids and grandkids?
Grandmother is happy to see us all. She’s 98 and still got it going on. We move to a large gathering room so we can all gather around and visit. Grandmother can’t hear well so there is lots of shouting. My dad can’t hear and I can’t hear and it’s a giant Cluster-Muck.
Three generations of women:
Please don’t tell her that her bra strap is showing. It took 15 minutes for the picture she wanted. Damn. I just noticed College kids crutches in the back ground. lol
My kids with Gma:
I used to be the favorite grandchild but I think she likes them better than me now. Still showing that bra strap.
My mom and I are trying to take a selfie and can’t stop laughing. We are crying because we cannot figure out how to both look decent and hide our double chins. So this is the best we have:
Finally we say goodbye, hugs and kisses. Then head back home. Where my kids immediately ditch me and head to older kids house to watch the game. My hubby and I watch the game alone in the quiet. While the dog is running around trying to lick the lotion off my legs again.
So no, it’s not breakfast in bed or brunch out with mimosas. It’s not family time playing board games where everyone is having fun and being nice. But it’s my family, my insane and crazy family. I love them all. But I thank God for anxiety meds.
To all the moms…Cheers! Your work is never done but that’s ok. You knew that when you got knocked up.
To all those who’s moms have passed on. Enjoy the memories. Maybe visit a nursing home and spread some joy to the older moms who’s kids can’t visit or don’t want to deal with it.
Life is short. No time to feel sorry for yourself. And you can stop buying those Hallmark Cards that cost $10.00. Just a little bunch of flowers or lunch out at the buffet will work.
You might be saying, “I’m not a cool mom” but you are! If you are reading my blog, you are one of the coolest! lol Think it, Dream it, Believe it! So Today I am posting about great gifts for cool, tired AF, happy, depressed, exhausted moms. So share with your hubbys and kids so you get the right gifts! No more workout clothes or handmade kiddie gifts this year! This is the year of YOU!
Having said all that, I know I’ve told you before I’m an Amazon Influencer and I have my own store front. So I’m going list out some must haves for your list! Remember: You are Loved, you are tired AF, You is a mom who wants some great gifts!
Cute Wrist Wallets and Purses!
Cute Beach Shirts!
Oversized Beach Towels. So plush!
Cool mom earrings for nights out or just looking cool by the pool!
Check them all out here Plus a lot more great ideas!:
So It’s no secret I have a blog. I love to blog and I love to drink cocktails when I blog.. Sometimes Bloggers get a bad rap. Like they aren’t really writers, mom bloggers are lame, Bloggers are stupid..Oh I could go on and on.
Me, I blog on purpose. I want to make people laugh. Make them aware of mental health. Make fun of my family and friends. Because we need to laugh more.
I follow other blogs too. I follow https://mommyonpurpose.com/ and get her emails about once a week. Today’s email made me think. Carly, from Mommy on Purpose, saw an article on Buzzfeed that was not so nice about mom bloggers who blog about how to make money on blogging.
But while I get what she’s trying to say about blogs that teach blogging for money, I also wonder if mom blogs are getting too sucked into courses teaching you to blog for money. For the most part these courses aren’t cheap. BUT, they do teach the ins and outs of blogging for money. I get it moms, you want to stay home with the littles and make big bucks blogging. And in order to make money, you have to sell a book, have affiliate links, sell products and services and/or offer courses! IT’s a cycle for sho. I get it.
I’m not exactly a mom blogger. I’m a humor blogger. I blog about my life and family and all the insanity as it happens. My goal is to make people laugh. As a result I have made a few dollars. I have been paid to write for others, have been paid to write my opinions on products and services and most recently became an Amazon Influencer. So yes, I make money off my blog. But I can assure you I will not be able to retire off the money made. It barely pays my coffee habit and I would be thrilled if it paid for my margarita habit.
So what I want to say is, I think mom bloggers are necessary. They help and inspire other moms. Keep us all entertained and there is this whole underground mom community. And they want to make money too. My advice: don’t forget your goal. To help other moms. And not just with money. If you blog solely about how to blog for money, you aren’t being true to other moms. Keep mom blogs real. So many moms out there are suffering postpartum depression, depression, loneliness, exclusion etc. Keep helping those moms as well as teaching how to make the money.
There are tons of mom bloggers out there. We need more “empty-nester” blogs and humor blogs. This world is already depressing enough. Wouldn’t it be great to save the world with humor blogs?! I’m doing my part!
But I can’t let you leave without showing you my Amazon store. lol If you blog, this T may be for you! Check it out!
I may have told you this story before about Easter. I apologize if I have, raising boys has helped me to lose my mind. But its Easter so I want to share an Easter memory.
When I was young, I remember my dad hiding Easter eggs in the backyard, Easter lunch at my grandmothers and I even remember several Easters spent at the beach. Such sweet traditions and memories. I couldn’t wait to carry on those wonderful traditions with my own children and create new Easter traditions too.
One of my new traditions was annual Easter pictures. The ones taken with the mall Easter bunny weren’t working out. The kids were terrified and I looked like the worst mom of all time threatening them to sit on that bunny’s lap regardless if he smelled like booze (or was that me) or if he looked like he was a bunny from…
Sorry, had to do it. (demented laugh). It’s like click bait. You don’t want to even read it but you can’t not look at it either. Don’t worry not going political! Just wanted to remind everyone that it’s not all bad out there and here’s why:
I was having lunch with girlfriends the other day. We got to talking about “God moments”. You know, when something happens and you know 100% for sure God was involved. My friends mom was elderly and living in a nursing home. She visited her mom daily and often volunteered in the home as well. She was slated to go on a trip to Italy but was feeling guilty with her mom not being in great health and was soon going to pass.
While in Italy, my friend was really worried about her mom and was praying for a sign that she was ok. Then her phone rang. She thought the worst. But when she answered, the nurse from the nursing home said, “your mom refuses to have her hair washed today, and we just wanted to let you know.” Seriously? My friend was laughing and felt the calm of knowing her mom wasn’t just ok, she was her regular self! God moment!
All that leads me to my weekend. Big Daddy and I headed to Myrtle Beach, SC for a weekend get away. Our youngest was playing in a lacrosse game there on Sunday so we made a weekend out of it. We had a great time by the way. We went out Saturday night to a few beach shops when we saw lots of fire truck lights and police cars ahead. I kinda panicked because I knew my kid was on his way to Myrtle with his team. So I quickly texted him and found he was already at his destination. Then we drove by the accident. The first thing I saw was a body under a red sheet. I had chills everywhere. He had been on one of those three-wheeled motorcycles. He and a car hit head on. He didn’t survive but I found out later his wife had been on the bike with him. She survived and was in stable condition.
Life can change in an instant. I think sometimes we have to be reminded of that. We live in a world now full of politics, hate, selfishness etc. It’s hard to find the good or “God” moments. But you have to look for them. They are there.
Leaving the coast to head home we stopped by a Hardees for a quick lunch. I’m not a fan of their burgers but their milkshakes are really good. (I don’t know why I’m fat. lol) We were walking in behind this little old lady with a walker. She was hunched over so bad I couldn’t fathom how she drove herself there. My hubby held the door for her and it took a few minutes to get her in and I had to pee so bad I thought I was going to die!
While we were eating we noted the employees knew this woman by name. She must go there a lot. When her order was ready, an employee brought out her food, helped her up, walked her to her car, helped her get in her car and stood there waving goodbye as she drove away. (Still don’t know how she was driving) I told the woman that was the nicest thing, her walking that lady out like that. She said that lady comes in all the time. It doesn’t take but a few minutes to help her get to her car so no big deal. Plus we will all be old someday!
Yep, we will.
I stopped at my local Chic-Fil-A this morning and got a biscuit. I bought the police officers breakfast that was behind me. Not much of a big deal or anything, but it was a tiny act of kindness towards someone else. Someone who would be putting his life on the line today like he does everyday. So buying a little biscuit and coffee for the guy wasn’t anything, but maybe his day would be a little better because of it.
What really truly keeps you up at night? What scares the hell out of you? What keeps you going?
Lately, I’ve had trouble getting to sleep. My mind won’t shut off and I find myself staring at the clock and thinking about all the things I can’t change. Maybe it’s time to up my anxiety meds.
Having a college kid and a grown kid, I worry a tiny bit less day-to-day but then I read about the college kids disappearing and being found dead. Just this weekend a USC student went missing after getting an Uber lift that wasn’t really her Uber. She didn’t survive. They caught the bastard though.
Then there’s the binge drinking. I’m petrified of one of mine dying of alcoholic poisoning. Will they be smart enough to stop before it gets that far? Will they do something stupid on a dare? Will they drive tired and fall asleep at the wheel? Will they be in someone else’s car that ends up crashing or killing someone else? OMG! I can’t stop.
The bad thing is these fears will change as they get older untill we are worrying about our grandkids. Will I ever sleep through the night again? (Sorry new moms, I know you are gasping right now thinking about never sleeping again.)
What else keeps me up? DEATH. I am terrified that I will die from drowning or being burned alive. Worst two fears. So I guess it’s not death I fear, I consider death a great sleep. But HOW I die keeps me up. I know we can’t all go in our sleep with no pain. Ugh. But that is the optimal way.
Funny thing is I’m afraid of burning in a fire but I want to be cremated. I don’t want to take up anymore earth space. Just scatter my ashes over the beach. I don’t even want a funeral. Just some close friends (if they out-live me) and family on the beach, drinking cocktails and beers while they scatter me. Talk about the fun times. Play some 80’s music. Build a bonfire. Whatever. I wonder what people will remember about me? Will they say, “thank God. Now’s she finally quiet!” Or will my friends and family weep and wail over my ashes. (I had to chuckle as I typed that. We all know that part won’t happen).
The last thing that keeps me up is, what kind of world are we changing into? It seems so chaotic and mean right now. I mean change can be a good thing but it can also destroy the human race. I remember having a happy, carefree childhood. Now kids are stuck behind laptops and phones. They have too much information, way behind their years. They are becoming immune, de-synthesized to everything that used to shock us to our cores. What kind of world will be left for my grandkids? Will they be little arrogant assholes who only think of themselves and bully others who don’t think like they do or have the same opinion? Where is the love people?
Having said all that, I keep the faith that all will work itself out. That the real scary thing to worry about at night is weather I can jump in the bed before something grabs my ankles and pulls me under the bed to the depths of hell.
Sorry but this is going to be a rant day. I have to get it off my chest. I have to find a way to let somethings (people) go. I need to write about the problem with some friendships.
Let me start by saying I’m no prize friend. I get that. I didn’t get all the ‘best friend’ traits when they were being handed out. I try, but often fail at rising to the expectations of some people. I struggle with my mouth. It gets me in all kinds of trouble but my brain isn’t capable of stopping itself sometimes. I try to be there for people, help when I know I’m needed and I want to always be there for the laughs and the tears.
I also want to be that friend that grows with you in the friendship. Not the one that has to walk away. But if my sanity depends on it, I will be the one to walk away. I’m getting too old for the bullshit in relationships.
I can’t read anyone’s mind. I depend on my friends to actually tell me if I pissed them off or said something stupid. And I’ll own it. But I expect my friends to do the same. I hate games. Unless it’s Candy Crush or Scrabble. Then I’m your girl. But head games and heart games are best left for the middle school playground. If you haven’t learned how to sit down with a friend, explain why you are upset, and work to make the relationship better, then maybe I have you all wrong.
If you know me, really know me, you know I would never intentionally try to hurt, stab in the back, degrade or be nasty to you. I have no problem with confrontation. But relationships are not real unless you can talk it out and trust each other with your lives.
I feel like if you don’t have the time to invest in the friendship, then you don’t want said friendship. That’s ok. I get it. But when I hear other women talk about their friendships and how so-and-so stabbed them in the back or they don’t know why so-and-so won’t talk to them, I feel for that person. I think we have all been there. But it takes some f’ng communication.
This past year I have worked on myself to be at better person. It takes effort, time and tears. I’m not there yet but I will always keep trying. I have checked on my strong friends, reached out to friends that I know are hurting or I feel like they might be. I’m here and my house is open if you need to vent, cry, laugh, drink a cocktail or need help in any private investigative work. I’m your ride or die. But if you don’t need me, want me, like me, at least tell me why so I can grow.
Sorry if this was a little out of character for my posts but it needed to be typed out and put out for the world so I can feel better about getting it off my chest. We ALL have feelings. All of us. Some of us just forget that part in friendships. I hope you all can do the same and check in on yourself and your friends. Just remember, if you are sad over a failing friendship, you’ve tried to reach out to no avail, you are not a bad person. The other person is just not ready for you. And that’s ok.
End of Rant. Here’s a meme:
Found on the WWW
Cheer’s Y’all! You can also follow me on FB/Insta/Twitter for daily laughs!