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Call me crazy (I'm used to it). I'm opening a storefront! 

Jackass Charm Corner Store will be a tiny wedge shaped, 1940's themed corner store with a boutique feel. Step back in time with us. Listen to the radio shows and commercials from the 40's while shopping for home goods & gifts for the sarcastic, snarky, and inappropriate person.

What Will You Find?

Well, Jackass Charm Soap products of course! Also, you'll find candles in repurposed wine, beer, & spirits bottles by Candle Dude, hand-blended teas by Casting Whimsy, snarky tea towels and pillows by Noir 23, seasonal hand-knit products by Hello Lavender, wooly balls & natural deodorant by HillBunker Farms, rockabilly accessories and skirts by Backseat Betty, sketches by Amalia Kimbrough, relishes, jams & jellies, and of course PICKLES!!!!! Least us not forget the nod to the past via our decor!

Our grand opening is to be determined (it depends on how quickly Mr. Sudsalot can custom build all the built-ins for Ruthie). However, the doors will be open on May 20th! The space will still be under construction and will need some fine tuning, but we just can't wait to share a good laugh with you!

Come on out to 228 N. Benton Street, Woodstock, IL!

Expect some changes happening to the website soon! Sharing is caring so, tell your friends!

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Jackass Charm Soap News by Valerie Deegan-johnson - 3M ago

Sometimes a solution can be found more effectively when the problem is personal; in this case Ruthie’s problem is your gain!

If you were not aware, there is this thing called winter and it happens once a year. In the Midwest it particularly sucks. The heat at the Sudsalot’s abode has been on more than it’s been off. Our lack of a humidifier and Ruthie’s persistent lip chewing, picking, & licking has inspired us to delve into the world of Lip Balm and Lip Scrubs.

It was an interesting voyage. Keeping our lips smooth should be easy, but looking at the lip balm market proves it’s an irritating pain in the kisser. Apparently, water loss from the lips is three to ten times higher than other parts of the face or body. So really, the best treatment is to drink more water! 2 liters a day they say, but Ruthie still had questions....and found answers.

Why do we think we need lip balm anyway?

Well, honestly we don't, however, having a barrier from dry, cold, and shity air will help retain moisture in your pie hole reducing your chances of developing chapped lips.

With all the damn balms in the world why are so many barely effective or worsen the condition?

As it turns out unknown allergies to ingredients such as beeswax, lanolin, or soy exasperate dry lips and can actually cause someing called addiction. Reason is that the allergy fools you into thinking you need more balm and reapply, and reapply. That's why so many people obsessivly apply lip balm. And, while fragrance (including some essential oils) is an attractive draw for many people, they too can act counterintuitive. Let us not forget flavorings and colorants. Ugh! Why do so many companies add this shit? Because desperate fools like Ruthie purchase it. Well no more! Ruthie developed her own balm.

We are proud to introduce you to one of our new members of the Jackass Charm family. Its name is

Yeah, drinking more water is the best treatment for chapped lips! The second best treatment is Drink More Water Lip Balm. Why you ask? Let’s have a gander under the cap, shall we? Ruthie chose these 5 ingredients for her balm because ---

  • Candelilla Wax [Candelilla (Euphorbia Cerifera) plant] is nutrient rich and you're less likely to have an allergy to it. It’s the slide, the glide, and the slight shine. It forms a breathable barrier giving your lips a chance to heal.
  • Coconut Oil has anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and moisturizing properties.
  • Mango Butter is high in vitamin A which is thought to be a fine line eraser.
  • Macadamia Nut Oil is packed with antioxidants and essential fatty acids.
  • Meadowfoam Seed Oil is moisturizing and antioxidant rich.

There are no colorants or other added crap. Sometimes simple is effective and true, however, there are those people (like Mr. Sudsalot) that insist on some scent. So, for yous peoples we have a spearmint option.

Now that you've moisturized, you now have flakes of skin rolling around on that kisser. This utterly annoying and un-enticing attribute for fish face selfies lead us to the band wagon otherwise known as LIP SCRUBS.

Oh, lip scrubs. Some are pleasant; others are full of shit you don't want near your mouth. Some are greasy, messy, and not worth the time. Seriously, peeling is so much easier. 

Like a blind man pissing in the wind, the years of education in the cosmetology industry came back to Ruthie. Exfoliation is the key. The first formulation was sent out to many homo sapien test subjects. Ruthie, being one of those test subjects, hated it while others liked it, but it lacked greatness. It smelled good, but it didn't exfoliate well and it was too greasy. It needed to be solid, un-messy, non-greasy, and an effective exfoliant. Dearies, that's how Kippy Kisser evolved 

 

from this... 

to this. 

This lip scrub was designed to exfoliate and moisurize pre-moistened lips, like right out of the shower moist. Otherwise, it'd be like expecting sandpaper to smoothe you heals in the dead of winter without any moisture. Shit, even concrete gets polished with water ferfuksake!

What's in it? I thought you'd never ask! Bad Momma Beanery's Hippy Chick takes center stage for this one.

  • Sugar the exfoliant
  • Mango Butter is thought to have anti-inflamatory and anti-aging qualities
  • Shea Butter is thought to provide a breathable layer on your skin that may help protect against harsh elements like sun & wind.
  • Mocha Butter - this is when Bad Momma Beanery steps onto the stage. We combined cocoa butter with a hand-milled coffee infusion of almond oil and organic fair trade Hippy Chick into an aromatic mocha butter that moisturizes luxuriously.
  • Candelilla Wax - a nutrient rich wax that stabilizes this formula so you can actually scrub this lip scrub in circular motions on your lips without it falling apart.
  • Coffee Oil - Bad Momma Beanery is at center stage aiding to this amazing smelling, all-natural moisturizing infusion that is easily absorbed into your lips.
  • Macadamia Nut Oil - another antioxidant and fatty acid rich oil that the delicate skin of the lips love. Mature skin loves this too!

If you leave with any information make it be this...

Drink more fucking water! Your body will thank you. (and Ruthie, rum doesn't count)
Oops; I think the retired massage therapist in me was showing. Awe shite! Did you find a typo or 2 and a major faux pas regarding grammar? Good for you! Feel free to snicker to yourself. I ain't no English major and I tried my bestest. Smooches!!!  
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Ok. So, none of these things have legs, but they all do have one thing in common - they are all new products in the development stage!

THE BOWL

Viking kisses, baby faces, and manscapes all require some shaving at some point. Our love for all things tried and true has led us to create a custom shaving bowl that will accommodate 3 oz. of a shaving soap that complements our beard oil and balm. It shall be named Ursa Shave Soap; original, eh? But what you are looking at is not a finished product. You see, Ruthie still needs to polish that bad boy to a shine, fill it with a hi-lathering and moisturizing soap scented with cedarwood, bergamot, & oakmoss essential oils, then reproduce in small batches.

Our initial casting of our bowl resulted in trapping a worried Asian cartoon character. If you can't see it, drink more, squint, and close your left eye after spinning around 3 times counterclockwise.

THE CANDLE

Our first concoction was 6 ounces and out of desperation was poured into a mason jar for testing purposes. Its wick was a sliver of cherry wood that crackled while it burned, and burned for over 40 bloody hours!!!! We chose to keep it unscented for this reason - we don't want to use any fragrance oil in any of our products and burning essential oils is actually toxic. However, this is not a candle sans scent. The beeswax lends its warm distinctive scent and the burning cherry wood wick adds a subtle campfire scent. The combo equals warm ambiance and summer nights all in one. 

Mass production will start on the 12 oz. candle dubbed SIMPLICITY once Ruthie figures out the damn container for the candle.

THE SOLID PERFUME

Wait. What? Yes, a solid perfume. It's easy to carry in your purse or on your person. It's contained in an oversized balm tube with a massive capacity of 0.5 oz. Since we have just added 10 more essential oils to our collection; making a total of 43 essential oils to custom blend with, we chose to utilize Lime, Rose Absolute, and Vetiver as our first experiment. It's calming, warming, and sensual. Most importantly it is not a BAM! In your face - did she shower in that shit? potency and doesn't leave your skin feeling greasy. We have yet to decide what direction to take this or what to call it, but it is getting lots of use by Ruthie!

 

Not really sure what the bowl, candle, & solid perfume did after they entered the bar but we can say Ruthie is keeping busy! 

As a matter of fact, you can find her.....

  • Roller skating with a gang of badass roller derby gals at the  "Roll Out For Epilepsy" in Markham, IL, on November 18, 2017, 4:30-7:30pm
  • At the "Lighting Of The Square" in Mixin Mingle, Woodstock, IL, on November 24, 2017, 5-9pm
  • Celebrating Small Businesses at Leather's 4 U in Antioch, IL, on November 25, 2017, 10am-5pm
  • At the Lambs Farm Holiday Lights Gift & Craft Fair at Arlington Race Course (first floor in the back as usual - It's like all venues instinctively shove Ruthie in the back like the obnoxious family members at a wedding), Arlington Heights, IL, November 30 - December 3, 2017. Hours vary; please click on link for more information.
 Awe shite! Did you find a typo or 2 and a major faux pas regarding grammar? Good for you. Feel free to snicker to yourself. I ain't no English major and I tried my bestest. Smooches!!!
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    Jackass Charm Soap News by Valerie Deegan-johnson - 1y ago

    Picture this....

    A sweet grandma pushing her 2 minuscule sized fur babies and a very unhappy cat in a stroller through the Nettelhorst French Market in Boystown, Chicago. She looks like she stepped out of a Land's End catalog in her white cropped pants embroidered with palm trees, a very breezy pastel collared shirt, and her feet adorned with loafers. Her rounded plump shoulders were draped with a white shawl. Her hair was recently set, however, she failed to fix the bedhead bald spot before she left the house that day and her nails were meticulously french manicured (how fitting). She looked something like this...

    *This is not the grandma I saw, but a visual likeness.

    I had time to observe this woman in detail, for none of the boys of Boystown have awoken from their beauty sleep and I needed some distraction from boredom. Then I witnessed one of her fur babies jump ship, make a run for it, ESCAPE (maybe this was a foreshadowing moment). Too bad its leash was tied to the stroller and thus the distracted and unobservant grandma began dragging her beloved miniscule fur baby through the market. The dog kept silent - maybe in hopes grandma wouldn't notice and the dragging would eventually break the stroller's grip on its leash finally making escape possible. 

    Unknowing of the dog's plight, I stepped in and foiled its plan (so sorry pup, if only I had known). This is how the conversation exchange went:

    Me: "Oh no! Ma'am, one of your dogs bailed!!"

    Sweet Grandma: Not surprised and calmly says with a smile, "You mean jumped ship."

    Me: I giggled and agreed.

    Sweet Grandma then bends at the hips (you know, like those painted garden signs in the front of some small ranch house built in the 50's that is probably white with green awnings over the windows) to "rescue" her beloved prisoner. Her white shawl slips off her arms to reveal a shocking surprise....She is bloody tatted from wrist to elbow on both arms!!! Like a fucking sailor! Rosie the Riveter on her bicep, both forearms are adorned with some nipple showing pinup girls looking longingly over their shoulders for a mate, opposite are pin up's with hair in victory rolls laying down stroking their leg's with toes pointed in the air like rigor has set in. Upon closer observation, these tatts are not new nor are they 1940's old. Shocked, surprised, and a bit giggly I excitedly continued bantering with sweet Grandma....

    Me: "OH MY GAWWWWWD!!!! Your art is amazing!!!! Blah, Blah, Blah. May I have my photo taken with you?"

    Sweet Grandma: "NO!" said sharply then she shoved her prisoner dog into stroller.

    Me: My mouth is catching flies and all I can hear are crickets.

    Evil Grandma: "You're just going to put it on the internet and my tattoo guy doesn't like that." She swiftly replaces shawl to hide her awesome tatts.

    Me: Stammering to make right, "Well who's your artist? I would gladly give credit where credit is due."

    B!tchy Grandma: "He's down the way across the street from Target." And just like that, she turned on her witchy loafer and hustled away with all 3 prisoners in the stroller. 

    Me: "But, I have VICTORY ROLLS!"

    I felt like I just got dumped at the dance right when the music stopped and everyone heard. Pathetically, the tears started to well in my eyes. Seriously, what the f#<k just happened?'

    An observing by standard walks up to me to offer a sympathetic hug and some much needed consoling kind words such as...."Wow! Really didn't expect that!" and "Really was looking forward to that almost touching moment. She looked so nice."

    This happened a few weeks ago. I've picked up the pieces of my broken and disappointed victory rolls and moved on with my life. That is when a  magical moment at the Rockton River Market happened. We were celebrating Jackass Charm's debut at Vintage Petal flower shop. I won't lie, it stirred up some mixed emotions. An angel of mercy & redemption strolled into my view. I leaped to my feet (didn't spill my wine either!) excited to tell her my story of the Evil Land's End Grandma and yet hesitant she too would think the worst of me.

    I never caught her name but I want to formally thank her and to offer these words of advice. When you receive a compliment on your Rosie tattoo and a pathetic victory roll wearing soul asks for photos with you, take it as a form of flattery not exploitation. Oh, and don't push your dogs in a stroller. They have 4 f#<king legs ferfuksake!

     

    Sure wish I got your name. Thank you again for this awesome photo op! You made my day so much better.

    This moment got me curious. So, I did some research on tattoo parlors "across the street" from Target in the Boystown area. Would you believe it? There is one!!!! It's called The Tattoo Factory (est. 1979). Out of curiosity I reached out to them and tried to explain this story in 500 characters and ask for permission to name them in this blog. Needless to say, I have not had a response. I think they think I'm CRAZY, but if this is indeed the parlor that tattooed the crazy ol'gal they certainly deserve the credit that is due!

    Awe shite! Were there grammatical errors or typos? Feel free to snicker to yourself about them; I'm no English major.
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