This photo was taken back in 2016 while I was living in Beaumont, TX. (I currently reside in Harlem, NY) I was living the best that I could with the knowledge I had then. I would say I learned a lot about myself in that time of isolation. But the reality is, I opened myself up to heal some wounds I wasn’t aware I had. I was faced to see the things I took for granted. And grow the hell up. I was also put in position to never EVER depend on anyone but myself. As my sister in Christ Kim says, “i finally accepted being a single mother”. And today I work harder to make things happen, rather than expecting things to fall on my lap. No one owes me anything. Not even my parents. We all have a choice. We choose a path and we make the best of it. So to the single mother that is crying and wondering why the heck your child(ren)s father isn’t doing his part, cry but dry those eyes once you are done. Leave the door open if it is a situation where it is okay to leave it open. Don’t deny your children the right to see them. But don’t beg. Don’t beg another human being to contribute in raising children they took part in creating. We shouldn’t have to beg or make someone do anything. On the other hand DO YOU. Do what you have already been doing. If you need a sitter invest in one that fits your budget. If you can’t afford one at all, find a program in your city that you may qualify for. Seek counseling / therapy for those oh so *bleeping* hard days. Save whatever money you can. Create a vision you want for your family and create action behind it to see it manifest. Make do with what you have and don’t you EVER EVER GIVE UP!!! I guarantee it, your child(ren) will grow up and KNOW who was ALWAYS there. To learn more about my journey, purchase an autographed copy today! @ HowiSingleMomit.com (my home page)
This is one of those days where you take a mighty long deep breath and just have faith in God to grant you patience in this moment. This a picture of my boys in the doctors office at my Doc appt. When I say I am “presently” the only parent, I mean just that. I am the parent that does it all. I presently do not have a co parenting relationship with their father where he picks them up from school and we manage time in alignment with their schedule etc. It is presently non existent. From time to time I do have friends and family take care of them or pick them up from school for me or even have them for a weekend (my abuela). But times like this, it’s challenging. It’s challenging because you have no choice but to SUCK IT UP. And yes there are days where it’s a no brainer because you do this! It’s easy, you were made for this. You know, being Mommy. You are a doer. You cook, clean, wash their clothes, help with homework, nurture them, have family time, teach and guide them, protect them, lecture them, discipline laugh with them, all of it.
These are your children. You wouldn’t just leave them without their needs.
And the other parent, doesn’t have to deal with it, because they chose to. Am I annoyed. I am, presently. In an hour or even tomorrow it will be a reset day. And okay great day. And that’s just how it is.
A couple of days ago, I posed this question to one of my girlfriends via text message after reading this post by Jada Pinkett Smith on her Instagram page. Seeing her photo and reading her caption gave me so much life in digging deep because I often ask myself that, but it didn’t fully make sense truthfully and honestly until I read it from her. Here is my close friends response and her response as you will tell it was very informative, so informative I asked her for permission to share on my blog so that it can reach other woman that think the same that we do. Read below.
Me: How do you fall in love with yourself?
Cheryl: Wow…. you know. That question. Wow! This is why I love you.
Because PPL don’t ask those types of questions.
Honestly….. it’s choice I think.
When I’ve been at my lowest I could only look at myself.
No man. No friends could help.
Sometimes not even prayer.
For me it was about REALITY and how I viewed the world.
You MUST first and for most do what makes you happy.
And what I mean by this is….
I love to color, I love to sit in the park! I love to read. I love to get my toes done! And I totally love to binge out on BBC shows, swim and ride bikes!
To me theses are ways I show myself LOVE.
It’s something no one can take away from me. Like knowledge you have to plan for what you want….. Like your Louis Vuitton bag or the family trips you plan to do for you and the boys. These are ways you can experience it in its entirety and not just for the moment.
In doing so, there will be no stress attached.
These are moments when you may fall out of love with yourself.
You don’t feel at your best. Or you’ve neglected doing things like you use to do. And when you sit back and think about it…. you say to yourself…. what happened? I’ve lost ME!
This I believe is easy to get back into. Because only you know your heart.
So start slow and move along to keep consistently loving on you.
This is my experience. While I love my self 100%, I don’t always wake up happy or excited. There are days when I feel like CURSING out everyone. I don’t wanna talk is smile. I just wanna hide away.
And now when I get like this, I PRAY!!!! PRAY!!!! PRAY!!! And thank God for loving me. Protecting me. Providing for me. Caring for me. Guiding me. Honoring me.
Because with him and only with him ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.
I am the most happiest when I am dedicating to self care. What is your version of self care Jasmine? Well self care is when I am working out, eating healthy, and have a good relationship with God. Being a mother, having a full time job, taking care of your home, and following your dreams can be a lot on a person. And when my self care takes a back seat because of lack of consistency, I am not my happiest. I’ve seen what doing what makes you happy can do. I am more intoned with myself and I can deliver a good message that can resonate with a single mother out there. I am more free in though and understanding, and my clarity is sharp. I mean it is like you are unstoppable, and things are aligned. But then you have a hiccup, and you fall, and you have to start all over again. Well that is where I am right now. We all can have our good days, and we all can have our not so good days. But one thing that I have learned, sometimes you have to take it up a notch. Sometimes what may have worked before, does not work again and you have to challenge yourself. I also learned that when things according to your perception aren’t going the way that you would like, can really mean that it really is going right, and that it is a new level of satisfaction that you may have reached. So whatever self care is for you, sit down get a piece of pen and paper and write it down. After you have written it down, make the necessary strides to do it. Do what brings you joy…And everything else will fall into place.
I found this Oprah inspirational video on youtube several years ago. It was during the time I was working at a deadend job, sitting at a desk making easy money and I felt this pull at my spirit that says, this isn’t what you were here for. I remember it like it was yesterday, this surge of energy driven motivation caused me to start my very first blog. So whenever I feel doubtful or not confidant enough about my journey, my assignment, one of the very things I am so passionate about, I go back to this very video to push me, to remind me to HAVE MY AUNTY O, REMIND OF WHAT IT IS I MUST CONTINUE TO DO. She says ” Life is about growth and change, when you are no longer doing that, that is your whisper, that I am suppose to be doing something else”. I don’t know who this video is for, but I strongly believe that every single one of us has this natural gift, that we can share with the world to inspire one another and push the envelope in this universe to help create a beautiful life. (watch the rest of this video on my blog howisinglemomit.com). #oprah #ownnetwork #oprahmasterclass #purpose #inspiration #votd #videooftheday #author #writer #artist #passionate #life #change #growth #wednesdayvibes
I do now own the rights to this video.
Link below :
I know I know, it has been a minute since I have last blogged. But hear is the deal, I learned that what I share should not be rushed. I also know for a fact, that when I do share my stories, it is always within perfect time, as in alignment with God. So let me begin.
The photo above is one of my favorite photos to date. This was taken yesterday after we sang happy birthday at my youngest one in charges’ school. You know the saying that what you see on social media isn’t always what it seems, well I am here to tell you, transparently and unapologetically that yes, this is FACT! And like us New Yorkers from Brooklyn say, FAX! I can go on and share the negative story in <FULL> detail about this photo, but I will not. Instead I will highlight the positive, emotional, gratitude felt part of this photo. For one, I love my children, I love that God saw fit for me to know that I am responsible enough in heart and walk, for these two little humans you see before you. I am grateful that through my journey of single parenting, God has given me the strength and perserverance to handle the life I chose, the life I accepted. Last week was my youngest birthday, I spoke with their dad and we / he planned and set the date with the teachers for him to celebrate it. Long story short, he did not show up because his pride / life got in the way, in turn standing my children up on Sunday, and also the following Monday to celebrate his birthday. God so had it where I was available to be present and show up for my young one and celebrate anyway, and they did not even know their dad stood them up for this celebration. Some of you may want to know, well how did he stand them up? Well I called several times, I sent text messages and their has been no response based off of the disagreement he and I had the Saturday prior. If you are like me, and most other (Single Mother) or like I like to say now a days, (only parent) to my children we deal with the other party, (father) when he isn’t thrilled with you, he takes it out on the kids by not showing up to get back at you. While I have had my fair share of these bouts. Right now, I choose LOVE, right now I choose PEACE, right now, I choose LIGHT. Despite the disappointment I have towards the other party, I HAVE TO pray and with nothing but the best for the other party to be in a good space where he can show up for our children. I am grateful that God sees fit to allow me to do so. It is a privileage to share my life with my boys. I shared this with you to say, rather than be upset about them not showing up. BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU DO!!! The more you continue to live in joy of what you are able to do, what isn’t done is no longer a factor and the children will see, feel and KNOW who is there!!