The Single Mom Podcast | Single Parent Advice, Support & Little Bit of Humor
is dedicated to inspiring and supporting single moms. Heather Wells is a single mother of three children who spent years struggling just to make ends meet. Now she is a successful business owner and is dedicated to helping other single moms find the tools, resources and mindsets to navigate through the craziness of raising children alone.
As a single mother I believe that there are many different things that contribute to feeling overwhelmed. It's not just the fact that we are single parents, there are often more contributing factors than that. The first one being that we feel like we have to be all and do all... that there is no one else to do it so we have to be the one to make it all happen. It's up to us to keep 8 million balls up in the air at all times. And we can't ever drop any. Ever. That's a lot of pressure to put ourselves under.
The next thing that adds to the state of overwhelm is expectations. Having expectations that are not realistic can lead to a feeling of overwhelm because you aren't meeting them. Trying to live up to some idealistic idea of what a mother should be doing or how your house should look or the things you should have accomplished is going to always make you feel like you aren't doing enough. That you aren't enough. And it will often cause you to try and do more and more than you are able to at this moment. Some days I can do a million different things and be completely successful at them all. Some days the only success I have had is getting the laundry out of the wash and into the dryer before it starts to smell. I realized long ago that I would never be June Cleaver - and I'm totally ok with that.
There are many other factors that contribute to that feeling of overwhelm and in today's podcast I discuss how we can create those feelings by setting unhealthy or unrealistic expectations on ourselves. By not accepting help when available or offered... and more.
Ok let's be honest ladies, baby mama drama - are you guilty of it? Have there been times when you made more of an issue than needed? I know that I have been guilty of it many times! After many years of working on myself and how I deal with my ex I found a few things that I believe were at the root of my personal baby mama drama....
1. I was still hurt/angry - causing me to want to lash out
2. Ego - the belief that I knew more than him, was a better parent than him
3. Other people's input - allowing others to cause drama in our relationship as parents
In today's podcast I dive into how these things increased the drama that I was bringing into our co-parenting relationship....
Have you ever caused drama? Have you been guilty of it? Have you been able to realize when you were causing more drama than needed and were able to adjust?
Like it or not, if your ex is involved with your child's life then you will always need to have a relationship of some kind with them - wouldn't it be nice if it was at the very least civil? And let's face it, we already have enough drama in our lives to bring any more into it.
You hear all the time about things like fat shaming and body shaming and all those horrible instances of one person making another person feel bad about themselves. Recently a woman named Nicole Arbour gained a great deal of infamy due to her "Fat Shaming" video where she basically insulted overweight people everywhere. Now I understand that she felt that it was a bit of satire, which I almost always enjoy, however it was done in very poor taste and while MAYBE her intentions were to give some 'tough love' to people who struggle with their weight it ended up simply pissing a lot of people off. (I will not be posting a link to the video because it is really quite offensive - but I'm sure you can find it if you really want to search for it.)
But this brought up a topic that I have found to be a huge problem in the parenting community. Parent Shaming
Unless you have been living under a rock you've probably heard about the recent strike in the 'War on Christmas'. That's right! Yet another company is guilty of taking the 'Christ' out of Christmas. Starbucks recently unveiled their holiday cup and apparently there is a bit of an issue with it.
That's it, nothing more - just red.
Now for most of us rational and non-nutbag people this is not an issue. Red cup with a green logo, that's pretty festive to me. (Maybe next year they can make it plaid - I like plaid.) In the past Starbucks has had cups with reindeer, snow flakes, ornaments and such as decor on their mugs. This year they went with something basic and yet still Christmas-like. Just plain red.
I posted a few weeks back that I was going to start on a new challenge: Lose 40 pounds.
Yep – 40!
That’s a lot of weight to lose for me, especially since the last few years I have been packing it on instead of losing weight. I mentioned how I had gained the weight and why it was so hard for me to lose. The biggest reason being that I REALLY like food. That and I had lived a fairly sedentary lifestyle for quite a few years now.
In this podcast I talk about my weight loss struggle and different ways that may help you lose weight....
Wait, WHAT? Yep you heard me; getting fired was the best thing ever. This podcast is all about how I decided to work from home, my decision to become a VA and how I got started down the path of self-employment. If you have been thinking of working from home and aren't sure if it would be a good fit for you I encourage you to download the free report I created "Is Working At Home For Me? 7 Things to Consider Before Starting A Home Based Business".
My daughter just turned 8 and my boys will be 15 this year and none of them have a social media account of any kind. They also do not have cell phones.
I have had several people ask my if I worry about stunting them socially, to which I very quickly reply – no.
See what I worry about is my children being influenced by the idiocy that seems more and more previlant in today’s society. I recently saw images on my own Facebook page of young ladies who did physical damage to their faces by trying to plump up their lips. Have you seen this?!?! The Kylie Jenner challenge? Girls (and some guys too) sucking on a jar or glass until their lips are swollen, basically trying to get the plump lip look that this woman has. It’s asinine! And it is causing damage to people’s faces. Seriously?!?! Who decided this was a good idea? You can see an article done about this here.
There is a lovely woman who's blog posts I follow because she is on the same mission as I am to help and empower other single moms in the world. I have chatted with her online a few times and really think she is fantastic. I enjoy reading her articles and the things that she puts out because they align so much with my thoughts and mission for single moms. However, recently she posted an article on her blog that I fully disagreed with and to be honest got my back up a little bit.
Originally when I saw her post "I Love Being a Single Mom" - I thought to myself oh great I can't wait to hear why she loves being a single mom, because I know I do... the article was not what I thought it would be at all! She starts off the article saying she hates it when people say that they love being a single mom because they are in denial.
I am in denial stating that I am happy being a single mom and that I love it? Um... I don't think so.
Basically she states in her article that if we were truly honest with ourselves we would admit that we want to have a relationship with someone, that we aren't really happy with our lives or we can't possibly love our lives as a single mom because we don't have a man.
Excuse me your honor but I object!
Today's bonus podcast discusses why I actually DO LOVE LOVE LOVE
being a single mom and my differing opinion on this article. You can find the article written by Jessica Rector on The Single Mom Movement by clicking here. Once again, I do love most of what she puts out and think she is a fantastic woman but on this particular topic, we definitely do not see eye to eye. (Doesn't mean she's not awesome though.)
Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere you know about the recent to-do involving San Francisco 49er’s Quarterback Colin Kaepernick not standing during the National Anthem.
Kaepernick stated in an interview later his reasons for not standing – https://youtu.be/laG1y6FpAhc&vq=1080
Since his decision to sit during the National Anthem there have been many who have spoken out both for and against his decision. Those who are against his choice have been, let’s just say – colorful in their comments against him. Many who say an athlete who makes millions of dollars shouldn’t or can’t say anything about being oppressed or injustices. Many who say that because of all of the success he has had and the fact that he was raised by adoptive parents who are white he has no right or reason to say anything. That because he clearly hadn’t suffered any indignities that he has no room to talk. Many who say that because of the opportunities he has had that he shouldn’t be disrespecting the flag and anthem of the country that gave him those opportunities.
However, there are many people who feel that Kaepernick is justified in his protest. Using his platform to bring attention to an ongoing problem in our country. Keeping the discussion and awareness current to try and bring about much needed change.
Jim Wright an author and vet who posted an essay on his Facebook page with his response to the issue which has since gone viral also supports Kaepernick.
“IF Kaepernick doesn’t feel his country respects him enough for him to respect it in return, well, then you can’t MAKE him respect it.
You can not make him respect it.
If you try to force a man to respect you, you’ll only make him respect you less.
With threats, by violence, by shame, you can maybe compel Kaepernick to stand up and put his hand over his heart and force him to be quiet. You might.
But that’s not respect.
It’s only the illusion of respect.”
WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT KAEPERNICK?
I have had several people ask me how I have approached this topic with my children.
“What do you say to them about his lack of respect?”
“Would you allow your children to sit during the anthem?”
“Are you telling them that what he is doing is wrong and unpatriotic?”
Many of my friends think like me and believe what I believe; however there are many friends and even family who are a little more – a lot more – conservative than me. Knowing that about me I am not sure why they would think I would agree with their line of thinking but…
My response to those who ask what I tell my children about what Kaepernick has done is this…
This episode covers bullying and how it can not only hurt other kids, but how parents can now be held responsible for their child's bullying.
Recently a town in Wisconsin passed an ordinance that has started to cause a little bit of controversy. Focusing on the bullying that has been on the rise in the past few years this new bill will now fine the parents of the offender. That’s right, the bully’s parents will have to pay if their child’s bad behavior.