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I hate that recovery isn’t a straight line. That you can go up and up and then something happens and you fall down. Down into the deep pits of hell and you have a choice to either climb out or just give up. I feel like for most people, it’s like driving a car. Everything […]
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I’ve been away from the blog for a while; I’ve had nothing to say. Recently, I’ve been having a hard time with my anxiety and depression. I can’t tell you which one is worse. Anxiety is making me leave work, throw up, panic, and pace. Depression leaves me feeling drained, empty, alone in my struggle, […]
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I’m afraid. Afraid of words that are labelling me. Afraid to sleep alone. Afraid to spend the days alone. I’m afraid. I know it’s just a word. I’m good with words. It’s a diagnosis. But it’s a diagnosis that I don’t completely understand. I’ve been digging, trying to find resources for myself and to share […]
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I’ve been doing more research, reading some articles and blogs, and I think I have a better understanding of this. Schizoaffective disorder has two types, bipolar type and depressive type. Bipolar type shows mood swings and mania, while depressive type shows depressive episodes. Since I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, I’m going to […]
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That’s my new diagnosis. I don’t know how to feel about it. To be honest, it makes me feel crazy. I’m fine with being bipolar. I’ve been fine with it for a while now, you know except when I’m screaming that I don’t want to be bipolar anymore…. But other than that, I’m ok. But you […]
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My life bothers me a lot. There’s too much stress, too much frustration, too much, too much. That being said, I don’t want my life to end. Some times I just want it to slow down. I want to go back. All the way back. Rewrite some things and see where the path would change. […]
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Looking back on my behavior over the past couple of months, and my bank account, I’ve come to realize I’m a compulsive shopper. I have urges. And even though I can’t afford to go shopping, I have to. I need to go. I need to buy things. I need things, even if I don’t really […]
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The last time I blogged, I was manic, I was on top of the world. Then came the crash. They say the higher you go, the lower you fall, well I believe it. I crashed hard. I’ve been noticing some things about myself lately, that I really don’t like. And I’ve come to realize that […]
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Who needs sleep? Not me. I’ve had a few hours maybe. But I’m not tired. Let’s go shopping! Let’s go spend money that we don’t have! Who cares that we have bills to pay? Not me. I want to shop. Let’s go do something. I’m bored. I need to move and do something fun. I’m […]
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The way we live today, in this crazy, busy world with crazy schedules it’s hard to find time for yourself.  Sometimes I just need some time. Time to relax and heal. Time to process. Time to think and breathe. Time to rest and really rest. With my schedule I can’t always get that.  Today was […]
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