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Emily Funderburk by Emilyrosefunderburk - 3d ago

We ALL have triggers!

Triggers we already know about, and some triggers we haven’t yet discovered.

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Let me answer a few questions…

• “So, what is it?”

I define an emotional trigger as a particular sensitivity your body has to a certain stimulus.

• “Where do they come from?”

They can come from our past experiences or our learned behaviors.

• “Is something wrong with me for having a trigger?”

Let me answer that with this…if you had a gluten sensitivity, I wouldn’t say something was wrong with you, so why jump to that conclusion for an emotional sensitivity? Nothing is wrong with you, you just need to be aware of your body and mind and the way it responds to the world, situations, and encounters you have with others. *Know your triggers much like you know what you’re allergic to.

• “Can I get over it?”

Well, I don’t like the phrase “over it”. I hope you find “healing” and “freedom” through it. (Anyone that tells you the words “get over it” about ANYTHING, probably has their own issues with empathy.) Don’t make your goal to “get over it”, make your goal to:

(a) heal over the place the trigger first entered your life;

(b) learn healthy ways to respond when a trigger shows up;and

(c) know how to speak up and have boundaries for yourself around the area you have a recurring trigger.

**Last thing…Therapy helps! Don’t quit too early. Often people come into a counselor’s office when they feel triggered, and then quit coming when the trigger goes away. That’s quitting too early!!

(1) Notice the trigger.

(2) Find healing on the cause of the trigger.

(3) Prepare for ways to avoid or respond the next time the trigger shows up.

(People quit therapy before that last and VITAL step)

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Reach out to a therapist today to talk about your triggers, because here’s what the rest of the world doesn’t want you to know…WE ALL HAVE THEM! .

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#emotionaltriggers #triggers #healing #dontquittherapy #innerfreedominitiative #mentalhealth #summerhealth #summerhealing #therapy #selfcare #support #takecareofyourself #youareworthit #therapyisaboutfreedom

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Emily Funderburk by Emilyrosefunderburk - 1w ago

Some of you need permission to do this.

You might have been told:

“Just get over it”.

Can I give you permission to “Just Grieve over it”?

Allow the areas of hurt, of trauma, of pain, of loss, of sadness, to fully experience grief. Every layer of grief, to “Just Grieve over it”.

Grieve over the situation you lost.

Grieve over the friendships that are gone.

Grieve over the heart that’s been broken.

Grieve over the childhood you wish was different.

Grieve over the career that didn’t pan out the way you thought.

Grieve over the decisions you regret never making.

Grieve even over the decisions you can’t take back.

Give yourself permission to “Just Grieve over it”.

Then invite God into your grief, and watch Him mold beauty and His Glory over the areas you may feel only the resemblance of ashes.

You see, we don’t allow ourselves to grieve when we don’t believe beauty can come out of it.

My story says otherwise. Your story will soon say something similar.

We are all filled with stories where victory comes out from grief, strength that was built through the trenches of grief, new life that was found out of grief.

We are a resurrecting people. We are a people consumed by hope. We can sit in grief because we can believe that purpose can still be found out of it.

You have permission to “Just Grieve over it”, because your God will meet you in your grief and birth something beautiful through it.

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You can find life while embracing grief, but first, you need to give yourself permission to feel it.

#innerfreedominitiative #counselorsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmonday #grieve #griefsupport #grieving

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When my eyes begin to flood I often find myself throwing on a blanket full of workout clothes, some earbuds tight and loud in my ears, and some tennis shoes as tight as I can tie them. And then I run. I cry, and I sweat, and I run. Not because I’m super healthy and it’s good for you. I’m literally trying to run away. I want to be away from it all, as if my worries can’t catch my feet. It has to be far. Far away, so three miles ain’t gonna cut it. I run. And I run. And I try to find the perfect song to match my emotions, and I run. Then I get exhausted. The adrenaline wears off, my legs are hurting (cause who has time to stretch before an emotional run), and I stop. I stop, out of breath, without any water, and usually with a long way to go to make it back home. I run when it hurts, and until it hurts. But I always seem to stop. I always end up turning around. And I either make a phone-a-friend call to pick me up, or somehow I make it back home. Whoever you are, you may be reading this probably right in the middle of whatever running away happens to look like for you. I see you. I see the hurt. I see the pain your masking as sweat, as alcohol, as drugs, as a Netflix marathon that completely takes you away, as social media perfection, as an overflow of affirmation to cover your insecurities. Whatever running away looks like for you, I see you running. Now hear me say this gently. It’s time to stop. Whatever you’re doing, you’re running out of breath. There’s no water here. Slow down. Turn around. Find your way back. There’s people back there that love you, people that are waiting for you to return. Stop Running. It’s time to come home. #stoprunning #comehome #youarenotalone #findyourwayback #phoneafriend #therapeuticrunning #whatdoesyourrunawaylooklike #itstimetoturnaround #hurtingneedshealing #callsomeonetopickyouup #purposefrompain #wordsfromafriend #innerfreedominitiative
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It’s true that the body never forgets.  Even those memories you just push and push and push and push down, the body just doesn’t forget.  This week has given me my own example of watching my body feel what my brain just wants to go away.

I’ve been off all week. Something just hasn’t felt right. So my counselor brain begins to diagnose herself and go through my internal list:

  • What emotions are you noticing within yourself? Sadness, wanting to be isolated from others, loneliness, tired.
  • How often have you been feeling this way? Just this past week, a sudden shift from last week.
  • Has anything happened recently that has triggered you into feeling this way? Nothing I can think of.

Then my therapist brain takes a break to write down all these notes while my girlfriend brain takes center stage and goes through her own list:

  • When was your last period? (Is this just another monthly experience I can blame on the hormone invaders) No, can’t blame it on that this time.
  • Any drama going on this week? No drama on the calendar yet.

I mentally check “no” to all my girlfriend checklist questions and try and dig a bit further with the therapist in my mind:

  • What are you feeling in this exact moment? I feel like something is about to happen, it’s as if I feel abundantly sorrowful for the news I haven’t been told yet.  I’m almost waiting for the phone to ring to hear bad news but I am emotionally responding as if I know the news already.  It just feels weird.

I’ve been living in this body long enough to know that something feels off, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

Until this morning, when I woke up from one of my childhood repetitive dreams and everything began to make terrible sense.

This is the dream where I am at a circus, it starts out with joy, with a smile, with exploration.  It always starts out so happy and then in comes the emotion of shock while my eyelids are still in the middle of their REM work.  My Dad makes a surprise appearance in the middle of the circus.  My Dad!  I get to see his face and we are in the same room together.  This moment in the dream resembles one of those videos where the kid sees the soldier in their life returned home and they embrace one another with the tightest surprise hug.  Those videos get me every time, I dreamed he would return when I was little.  It seems my tiny body needed closure so I would box it up in a dream and for that moment my world made sense, he had returned.

I wish I would just wake up at that part of the dream, the part where he comes back.  The part where I see his face and I witness his smile happening at the same time as he looks into my eyes.  But I never wake up there.  I never wake up until after the lions.  I wonder if it’s my minds way of preparing me for the real world I’m about to wake up to.

The lions get loose from their cages, and havoc and crisis happen everywhere.  We all run!  There is screaming, and I lose him again.  I find a place to hide and I sit trembling in fear of the lions and the sadness of losing my Father again.  This is where I wake up.  This is where I get out of my bed and have to start my day.  It’s been a long time since I’ve woken up to this dream but I’m learning that the body never forgets.

I couldn’t put my finger on my feelings this week until I woke up sobbing from this dream.  This dream of the little girl who when I check my timeline went through her real-world events at this time 28-years-ago and mentally created a fictional dream that she connected with her trauma.

For many, May is just #mentalhealthawareness month.  It’s a cool hashtag and we create awareness about issues that most people haven’t fully felt the weight of.  For others of us, #mentalhealthawareness is a close reality that we learned on a month that we were forced to learn it, or a day on the calendar where we had no choice but be aware of it, or a season that we walked through when mental health became a personal battle more than just a hashtag.  Some of us gain awareness by hearing others tell their stories, and others of us gained awareness during the times in our lives we wished we didn’t have to know.  Trust me that you would rather read an article than learn first-hand the weight that mental health plays in your life.

Becoming aware of mental health became important to me the day the lions came.  The day that happened this week in 1991 when my Father ended his life.  The day the voices in his head spoke with sharp teeth and loud roars telling him a list of lies that just weren’t true.  I want a new story.  I wish this had a different ending.  I don’t like this one.  And my body just won’t forget.

  • My body remembers squeezing him tightly when he got back from the mental health facility as if he was a soldier returning home from war.
  • My body remembers how things got worse.
  • My body remembers watching a police officer who was known for his strength begin to wither in his body to merely skin and bones.
  • My body remembers the suffering, it remembers the sorrow that is beyond words to describe.
  • My body remembers the confusion, the doubting of the world, and the wishing the world was the real dream I needed to wake up from.
  • My body remembers touching a body that had no life left inside him.
  • My body remembers it all, even though this week I’ve been trying so hard to mentally forget.

This week I have felt off, something just hasn’t felt right, and it’s because my body remembers this week. My body anticipates even when my brain tries to shut it down, that this was his trauma week in 1991 which spiraled into a trauma week for all those who loved him.  Bad news happened, and for some reason my body emotionally still goes into mourning before I even know what the date is on the calendar.

It’s time for us to continue talking about Mental Health Awareness, to tell our stories, to give hope to people in the middle of their traumas right now, and to extend compassion to the stories that haven’t yet been told.  I’m sharing my story hoping that someone in pain will be reminded that they aren’t alone even when they wake up from dreams where they are shaking in fear and isolation.

This week has been off for me, but this week is not the end. The sun will rise tomorrow, and a new week will bring rebirth to my soul.  New dreams will come, and embraces with new faces that I love are right around the corner.  Some weeks are just tough, may we get through them together.

Emily Rose Funderburk, LPC

#mentalhealthawareness #innerfreedominitiative #findingfreedom

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Emily Funderburk by Emilyrosefunderburk - 2M ago

My friend Sandra Weber is RELENTLESS! She is the host of The Relentless Podcast where she digs deep into helping her listeners learn more about being Relentless in their Physical, Mental, and Emotional Health.

As a provider in Integrative Bodywork she sees first hand how the physical body and emotional health are interconnected.

I help people with emotional health and she works on the physical, so when she invited me on her podcast for a REAL conversation about the stigma of counseling, the relational struggles in marriage, and how she notices emotional issues putting strain on her clients physical body – it was a beautiful and in-depth discussion.

We both have the common vision of seeking whole body health while bringing our life lessons to our clients.

We also spent time in this interview with my husband and I sharing vulnerable parts of healing in our marriage and sneak peaks from my book Through the Storm.

You’ve got to check out this YouTube interview below, and I’ll list the Podcast links under it. (And we’ll do a Live Giveaway Thursday night if you follow us over on Facebook/IG at @emilyrosefunderburklpc @thesandraweber)

Subscribe to her podcast or checkout the interview at:

itunes – https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-relentless-podcast/id1438593173

Google Play – https://play.google.com/music/m/Iiescebgop4mn55t42y7flhqrim?t=The_Relentless_Podcast

Website- http://intigrativebodyworknc.com/podcast/

https://youtu.be/KO3tQ1L7S1w

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Dear Husbands,

Tell me if I’m on the right track?  You want a great sex-life with your wife.  You want your wife to desire you even more than you desire her.  You want her to pursue you intimately.  You want to feel like she wants to be there with you physically. You want her to be present and engaged in the moment.  You don’t want sex to feel like a chore, you want it to be one of the highlights of your relationship.  Am I on the right track so far?

Let me help you out, because as a Wife, and a Marriage Counselor, I go through this one a lot. Which tells me that if you are thinking all this at home, you are not alone.  I want to help you.  I don’t want your marriage to have this sexual tension because I believe that sex is bigger than sex, it is connection, and it has a reflection on all the other areas in your marriage.  When one part of your relationship grows, it spills over into the others.   I want to help you out, but you have to promise me you will listen to these three tough truths that will absolutely give you the change you are hoping takes place in the bedroom.

  1. Sex and Connection

It’s got to be about sex AND connection, not just sex.  It has to be about both.  If it’s just about sex and not connection, she’d probably rather be doing something else. And not just connecting in those 5 minutes of pure bliss.  She wants to feel connected to you in the 23 hours and 55 minutes before those 5 blissful minutes.  Make her feel important, make her feel special, and remind her that you are thinking and thankful for her throughout the day.

Using this example, I see men and women getting their thoughts on the timing of sex and connection reversed.  What I hear in the counseling room, is that men signify those “5 minutes” to be the start of the connection they share with their wife for the following day.  But for wives, it is the opposite.  Women look at the 24 hours prior and view sex as the closure of a 24 hour period of connection.

The sexual tension at home is because you both have a different view of what sexuality and connection have in common.  One person thinks “our sex life makes me feel more connected to you”, and one spouse thinks “I need to feel connected to you before we have sex”.  Think about it.  Which one are you?  Which one is your spouse?

I hear some husbands who believe their wife doesn’t have the same “drive” as them.  Some of you are right.  But others of you need to understand that she thinks about it backwards from you.  She needs to feel connected before she physically connects.  And Husbands, please, tenderly hear me say that she is not wrong for wanting Sex to be linked with Connection, there is nothing wrong with your wife for thinking this way, I am just sorry that most of you men were never taught the value in connection because you grew up in a society that told you that sex was only physical. 

  1. If you want the sex of your dreams, dream about your wife.

Chances are that you want the sex of your dreams, but you want your wife to be something she is not. You want her to be a sexual version of an image you probably should have never had ingrained in your head.  Husbands, you need to make sure you aren’t stuck in a comparison trap.  I know you’ve seen things you can’t take back, but please hear me say that you are missing out on what your sex life with your wife can be because you are fixated on what you want it to be.

Your relationship with your wife is special, it’s unique, and it is solely a connection between the two of you.  Stop bringing other people in to it!  Enjoy what is in front of you instead of complaining about what it is not.

I know you can’t change the past, but you can darn-well do something about today and the future. Whatever it is you are turning to besides your wife for physical comfort and release needs to get thrown in the trash. Please stop blaming your wife for your current sex-life and start blaming and owning all the other things that are in your sex-life.

I bet no one has actually told you that pornography is the silent sex killer.  For most of you this one is going to go in one ear and out the other but I told you I want you to have an AMAZING sex life – which means I have to say it.  It’s not your wife dear husbands, put the phone down and stop watching the inappropriate shows floating around on Netfilx and make her the thing that you are looking at.

  1. The cheating myth.

Last one for today. Let’s put an end to the cheating myth. Here’s what the cheating myth is that happens around the guy talks that take place all over the world (especially the Christian ones) “It’s better to masturbate with pornography than to cheat on your wife”.  Long pause here as I take a deep breath and try to articulate in words what I rarely hear said in our culture….ok, here goes.  Pornography is still an act of cheating on your wife.  Sexual pleasure outside your relationship with your wife is cheating on your wife.

Do you want to kill your sex-life?  Like, tank it into the ground?  The best way to do that is to let your wife know you have a Plan B.  Plan A – Sex with my wife; Plan B – find sexual fulfillment somewhere else.  What’s even worse is when this becomes so common in your house that your wife actually feels like Plan B because you and Plan A are in a committed relationship.

Here’s my guess on why you even have a Plan B to begin with.  For you, sex with your wife takes work.  It takes effort.  And it takes an intentional amount of connection.  Plan A takes planning and preparation.  But Plan B, well Plan B requires only the touch of a button, or the flip of a channel, or the page turning of a magazine hidden under the bed. Plan B is simple, and Plan B was your plan that’s been working since High School.  But you are a grown adult now, you are married, you have a spouse that sleeps right beside you in the bed.  For the sake of your marriage, please, please, please, get rid of Plan B, and even more than that, will you adult men please make sure to raise the next generation of sons with a new cultural norm so they don’t bring this intimacy killer into their future relationships.

Husbands, you are loved. We love you.  Your wife loves you.  But she wants to be loved by you.  She wants to feel connected to you.  She wants to know that you wait for her because sex with her means that much to you.  When you have a Plan B, your wife’s self-worth will shoot straight to the ground. Make sex with your wife a priority and I promise you will notice a difference.  I know you want an amazing sex-life with your wife, now hear me say “what are you willing to do to show her how bad you want it?” and “what are you willing to give up to make sex with her your focus?”.

Sincerely,

A Wife

Stay connected and leave a comment!!!  And, I’d love for you to join this journey!  We’re all on one, you don’t need to walk down yours alone.  Stick around with us. Click the “follow” button to join us for weekly encounters as we seek out spiritual freedom and emotional encouragement.  It just won’t be the same without you here.  

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Emily Funderburk by Emilyrosefunderburk - 3M ago

There are 4 minutes and thirty-one seconds where I feel on fire!

Where I feel strong, loved, victorious, and that I belong.

In those four minutes I feel like I am on top of a mountain.

In those moments  I am invincible to the limitless possibilities that are ahead in my life.

Right now these moments happen while I am listening to a song, Lauren Daigle, “You Say”, have you heard it?  It is rocking my world and reminding me of where my identity is rooted, of where I belong, of how strong I am, and how loved I am, how strong I don’t realize I am, and that I am held in the middle of every moment.

When the melody plays and the lyrics echo in my headphones, I believe it.  It all feels true, and nothing negative matters except the truth of God’s view of me, His daughter.  He calls me His own and I choose in those four minutes to believe every line.  (Ok, sometimes it takes me two minutes into the song to believe it, but I get there)

BUT…when the song is over, here’s the truth…I am fighting a constant battle, not the battle of who it is God says I am, but with a mind that is flooded with traumatic moments where people have told me words that are NOT in line with what God says about me. My identity can quickly get labeled by the wrong voices when my ears aren’t flooded with God’s truth.

So what do we do in those moments?  In those moments when the song on the radio that pumps up my spirit isn’t on?  In the moments when our mental message machine of negative words that have been spoken about us plays on repeat in our minds?

How do we find truth in the middle of the lie campaign that is trying to take our thoughts captive?

While I love the lyrics from “You Say”, maybe you’re in a similar battle, that when the song turns off we spend most of our day saying “I am NOT who you say I am” to those voices from our past, or it could be a voice/situation from yesterday.

Maybe one of these floats through your mind more often than you’d like it to:

“I am NOT what was said about me”

“I am NOT defined by what I’ve been through”

“Who I am is NOT declared by the oppression I have faced”

“I am NOT a current symbol of my past regrets”

“I am NOT fully abandoned because I have been abandoned”

“I am NOT what that email/text message wrote about me”

“I am NOT what that situation/job said about me”

“My identity is NOT the rumor with my name on it”

“I am NOT who YOU say I am”

If one of those struck a chord with you, then let’s fight this mental battle together.  I need this reminder today, and maybe you do as well. Here’s two ways we can turn our thoughts to where they need to be:

  1. WHO IS YOUR YOU?
    • Think about it.  When we focus on the negative thoughts and the negative circumstances we have been through, what we are doing is putting WAY too much attention on the wrong YOU instead of the right one.  The YOU in your thoughts is either what God says about you, or filled with who “they” or “that situation” said about us.  One of those will dictate the direction of your thoughts today, so choose wisely who is your YOU.
  2. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
    • Here’s where we get lost – when we don’t even know how God sees us, when we don’t believe that we have been adopted, redeemed, and called His own.  When we feel unnoticed and unrecognized because we struggle to believe that this same God gave up everything to be in a personal and intimate relationship with you!  When we don’t believe what God says about us, we will get stuck in the feedback loop that we are what the world, what our parents, what our co-workers, what our past, what our relationships, and what our failures say about us.  There will be nothing else to turn to except the harsh validations of the world when you don’t know who it is that your Creator sees when He looks at you.

If you need a reminder today of where to focus, and what thoughts to center on, today I want you to proclaim the words Peter says to us in 1 Peter 2:9,10, and some of you are hearing these words for the very first time: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His possession, so that you may proclaim the praises of the One who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but NOW you are God’s people, you had not received mercy, but NOW you have received mercy.”

Are your thoughts reflective of someone who has been pulled OUT of the darkness and centered on the Sprit’s marvelous light?

Read those words on repeat, let this message be the new words that play over and over again in your head until they are louder than the reminders in your head keeping you from peace. This is truth, this is the written word, this is the living word alive in you, and alive in me.  May we all follow the words directly from the mouth of Jesus (Matthew 11:28) “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

My mind is weary, my thoughts are tired, my brain needs to rest.  The negativity needs to be put to bed and laid at the feet of the cross so that I can look up and gaze into the eyes of my Savior, my Father, my Crafter, my Creator, my Friend, my Leader.  I am who He says I am.  And so are you.

We are loved, and today, I declare that I am NOT who you (fill in with the voice of your negativity) say I am, because I am who YOU (the God of all creation) say I am.

Lauren Daigle - You Say (Lyrics) - YouTube
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Emily Funderburk by Emilyrosefunderburk - 3M ago

Friends, so much has been going on with my book being released at the beginning of this year and now my Podcast journey has officially BEGUN!  The first seven episodes are up and running on Soundcloud and iTunes.  You’ve got to check them out.  But first, let me explain what this is all about – – most of you know that I am a Licensed Counselor, and a Counselor that writes from the perspective of things I have had to walk through in my own life.  This podcast is no different, and as I was thinking through a name, here’s what I am excited to announce – – the {Inner} Freedom Initiative.

As a therapist, I know that “self-help” and “counseling” can portray a negative stereotype.   For some reason taking care of yourself is not esteemed, but instead, we esteem the sacrificial tendencies of people that over-extend themselves to care for others but do nothing to deal with their own emotional state.

I’m ready to put a stop to that, aren’t you.  So here we go!

I like to say that I am in the ‘Freedom Business’ because that’s what a therapist does, and it’s Freedom and Healing that you are seeking when you come to counseling.  You are not crazy for growing in your emotional health.  The people that seek growth are the people I want to shake hands with.  You’re doing great!  Keep going!  Don’t stop now!  These are the words I’m shouting.  There’s no head shake of shame for seeking help, we’re cheering for each other, and that’s what this podcast is all about – igniting an INITIATIVE of FREEDOM!!!!

The first Series is 7 mini-episodes that go into an area of Emotional Bondage that is holding you back from FREEDOM.  I know one of these are going to hit home for you and your friends: Avoidance, Anger, Fear, Rejection, Opposition, Disappointment, Easily Offended.  

Let me know what you think as you head over to one of these links:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/inner-freedom-initiative/id1454195001

or

https://emilyrosefunderburk.com/podcast

We’re on this journey together, and I can’t wait to see what areas of healing begin to spark in your life.

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Friends,

I wish you could see me jumping up and down right now and trying to sit still long enough to type out this message.  For all my fellow writer friends out there, you know just what I mean.  To watch all the words, all the planning, all the dreaming, and all the editing turn into something that can help people makes me continually have to pick my jaw up off the floor.

I can’t wait to get this book in your hands and watch God come alive in the many individuals and marriages that open these pages.

Through the Storm: Helping Marriages Find Healing After Hurt is both a counselors insight into healing after pain as well as a new birth for us all as we grow closer in an intimacy with God through the storms we encounter in life.

This book is meant to speak truth, to talk about sin, provide cracks of light in the dark areas of your life, and bring a revival to the relationships that feel desolate.  It is packed with the simplicity of a seven-step survival guide to make this year in your marriage be a time of healing and a new understanding of love.

I’m just grateful to play a small part in your healing journey.  Go snag your copy today, and do me the biggest favor by helping spread awareness by using your circle of influence to spread this message of hope to the marriages that are on their last thread and need it this year.

I’m making myself available this year with a prayer to God saying “Hear I am Lord, send me”.  If you have an opportunity or event that this marriage book would be great to have nearby at, I want to be there.  Let me know.

“May the weather outside never determine how you see the world”

– Through the Storm   

Copies can be purchased through ebook, softcover, hardcover form on all major online retailers (Amazon, B&N, Books-A-Million).  Signed copies can be bought directly from my personal website (along with his/her bookmarks that come with each copy as an incentive for supporting my site – purchase them today at emilyrosefunderburk.com )

Thank you for your love.  Thank you for your support.  Thank you for your patience as all my writing energy lately has gone into the pages you’re about to read.

If you’re new to this Blog, well WELCOME, I’m glad you came!  Click the “follow” button to stay up to date an all that is coming.  

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