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Recovering from the trauma of a broken marriage takes time and support, but most people are optimistic enough to hope that they will have a second chance at happiness and find love again.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, Agnieszka Burban, has worked in both areas:  looking at recovering from trauma AND now working with people who want to find love again.  Lucy from Divorce Club spoke to her to find out what hope there is for all of us!

Lucy:   Tell me a bit about yourself and how you got into studying our broken hearts?!

Agnieszka:  Having spent the second part of my life in London I moved to Sweden in 2017.  Love brought me there however the relationship did not work out! This is how I developed an interest in the psychology of breakup and divorce.

As I was going through the many stages of the post-breakup, I was seeking answers to the many emotional states I was in.

“There are several stages in the healing process.”

There are several stages in the healing process. What I found out from both my own and my interviewees experience is that the initial stages are those of loss and bereavement (in particular, if you were the one who was left).

There are lots of feelings that take time to process, especially those of anger and resentment. What often happens is that if people were left, they might hold on to those feelings for a long time, sometimes for years.

“A heart needs healing as much as a broken arm or leg.”

If they were hurt, and have not processed the feelings and healed their heart, the scar is there. Our hearts need healing as much as a broken arm or a leg. Katherine Woodward Thomas says that the heart “calcifies” if it doesn’t heal.  This means that we become mistrustful of other people and fear opening our heart again to someone new.

Sometimes the loss and bereavement experienced after a breakup or divorce also comes with trauma. Trauma occurs particularly if the breakup was carried out in an unkind or abrupt way.

“Trauma can open us up to our childhood vulnerability.”

In a traumatic experience we experience a triggering of the childhood wounding – this means that our core beliefs – the negative subconscious beliefs we carry from the time we were very young, have been confirmed. For example if we have a belief “I am not loveable” or “I am not wanted”, a bad breakup will certainly trigger the wounding.

Lucy:  I am fascinated by the idea of divorce causing trauma and reinforcing negative beliefs from childhood. Anyone who has experienced divorce knows how painful it is, but it’s interesting to have some science behind it.

Agnieszka: Yes, the pain can run deep.  Any breakup, especially divorce, is psychologically perceived by the brain as a threat not only of safety but our existence.

It is experienced as a life and death matter.

This is why it can lead to traumatic experiences and this is why it is so difficult to deal with emotionally. Our brains are coded for safety and for living with what in the past was a tribe. These days we have our partners and our families. If our partner is leaving, a primal fear is triggered and we experience it emotionally as a threat to our safety, existence and also as a death.

Lucy:  So when we experience trauma on top of the normal sadness of a breakup, the pain of divorce is intensified to levels that are much more damaging?

Agnieszka:  Yes. When this happens the pain is intensified for sure! I have heard multiple stories (especially from women since I work with women mostly) of the hurt that has been held on for years often.

The situation is often worse when children are involved and the divorce process gets costly and complicated.

Lucy:  Is there any advice based on what you have picked up on how to handle these difficult emotions?

Agnieszka:  Frankly the best thing I have discovered that exists is a process called “Conscious Uncoupling” which is offered by Katherine Woodward Thomas coaches. Of course therapy can help and I have helped hundreds of people providing therapy for a variety of problems, but Katherine´s method is in my experience, the most effective and the quickest way to healing.

Lucy:  We’ve all heard of Conscious Uncoupling!  Did she come up with that phrase before Gwyneth?!

Agnieszka:  Yes!  She became known in the media because of Gwyneth Paltrow´s divorce.  She and Chris Martin used her methods to navigate their divorce.

Conscious Uncoupling is a five-week program which is designed to ease individuals through the process of detaching from a relationship and readjusting to single life. The program focuses on breaking up as an opportunity for personal growth.

Conscious uncoupling does not eliminate negative emotions, pain, or heartache. But it can help people better reflect on who they are; engage in self-compassion; acknowledge what the relationship brought to them; and to look forward to new opportunities in the future.

Lucy: At divorce club we believe that it’s only when you feel complete and OK in yourself that you should even contemplate dating, but a lot of our members want to meet someone when they are still hurting from the last relationship. What is your take on that?

Agnieszka:  I think it is a delicate and individual process. I agree that when you have just experienced a breakup it would be very difficult to jump into a new relationship straightaway. People sometimes do that to escape painful feelings.

However there are no shortcuts.  We do need some healing.

What I would also say however is that contrary to popular belief, time does not heal!   I would, of course, allow some time to process feelings but then I would go through the process described in Conscious Uncoupling.  This is the best process I have found to deal with anger, resentment, and hurt.

We do not want to hold on to festering resentments and live in the narrative build on a victimised sense of self.   Katherine Woodward Thomas´s approach simply snaps us out of that! It is, in a way, a psychological “shortcut” compared to traditional therapies.

Lucy:  Aha! the “victimised self”. We see this a lot at DC. Particularly with people who have been left and who blame their partner for being a villain, without stopping to look at the relationship as a whole.  How can people snap out of this black and white view?

Agnieszka:  If we feel hurt, if we feel betrayed, disrespected, unheard, if we feel that we were not treated fairly, we are usually right!

But the problem with staying in the victimised narrative is that it does not allow for healing or growth and ultimately prevents us from welcoming new love.

“We need to ask ourselves some questions”

The pull toward the victimised narrative is usually very strong. The only approach which allows healing and growth is to ask ourselves:

“What was my role in the outcome of this relationship?”

“How did I contribute to what happened?”

And being able to look into the answers to these questions, we can find the keys to undoing our patterns that keep us from harmonious relationships.

For example, you might avoid conflict in your relationship for fear of a confrontation and a potential rejection or misunderstanding, and always agree with everything your partner suggests.  If you conceal your needs, feelings and preferences, you will be not only inauthentic to yourself, but also your partner. And authenticity is a fundamental ingredient of a happy, lasting relationship.

Other examples might include denying our inner feelings, weak boundaries or lack of boundaries, or not even being able identify what we feel and need!

Lucy: It seems that the processes involved in overcoming trauma and those involved in being ready for a relationship overlap hugely. We sometimes meet people who are still in a lot of pain but believe the only way to feel better is to be in a new better relationship. Are there circumstances when this is true?

Agnieszka:  It is true that good relationships are healing!  So people who believe that they will heal in a new, better relationship are partly right!

However, if we are still in pain, there is work to be done before we enter a new relationship. That work includes firstly allowing ourselves to grieve and feel the pain however then address our role in how the pain was created.

“We can choose to be a victim or own our own part in the relationship”

Maybe we feel we have given up so much for our partner, gave all our love and sacrificed ourselves in return for a rejection?  It’s possible to be stuck for years in the victim mode.  We can choose either being a victim, or reflect on our role in the dynamics and the outcome of a failed relationship.

Perhaps we have given up so much in a relationship that we lost ourselves in it? Perhaps we stopped noticing what we need, what we feel, or have not asked them for help assuming that we should not even expect it?

All these subtle patterns are “hidden gold”. Once we are able to look at them, we can grow and choose to show up in a completely different way in life. We simply cannot achieve different results being still stuck in the victimised consciousness and repeating the same patterns we have always created in our love life.

“We can change ourselves!”

Being able to uncover and actively change our patterns is the inner work which is key to a change in our love identity – a change in the way we think, feel and act.  It’s a change in how we show up with others.

As we show up in a new way, we now longer attract people who are not capable of forming a healthy relationship with us and are able to form healthy, harmonious bonds with the right person.

Lucy: So in a nutshell, how do we find lasting love in the future?

Agnieszka:  The keys to finding love are within us, and not within the stories we have been telling ourselves. If we stop living in the victimised self, start taking responsibility for our actions or lack of actions, become clear on our boundaries, needs, feelings and life goals and start living from the consciousness of possibility and love (even if we have not yet experienced the love we desire!), then we open the portal to fulfilling love.

Lucy: How do you help people find love again?

Agnieszka:  I focus on working with women who are determined to break down the old patterns and make the necessary shifts to welcome lasting love.

The process is often called miraculous as we see lots of miracles in our Calling in The One community! People breaking through their life long habits, showing up completely differently and attracting true love at the age of 40, 50, 60 or 70!

I work with individuals at the moment however am also creating a group coaching programme starting in a few weeks´ time. I offer an 8-week transformative programme which covers all the tools we need to remove obstacles to love and welcome a new, healthy relationship.

Since my website is under reconstruction it is best to email me on ag.psychology@gmail.com or contact me via Welldoing at:

https://welldoing.org/counsellors/agnieszka-burban-cognitive-behaviour-therapy-psychotherapist-online

The post Can I find love again after divorce?  Will the trauma of divorce ever go away? appeared first on Divorce Club.

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Marcie Shaoul sees a lot of traumatised parents…

Parenting during divorce is no easy task when your co-parent is the one you are divorcing… Thankfully, more people are realising that this is a key area where people need support, so help is becoming increasingly available for struggling parents.

Marcie Shaoul runs Rolling Stone Coaching and is the UK’s only dedicated Co-Parent Coach.

This means she works with parents on how they can bring up their children together, even though they are no longer in a relationship.

She has been co-parenting myself for nearly a decade and researching the methodology for nearly as long. She opened Rolling Stone Coaching for business a year ago and hasn’t looked back since.

We interviewed her for Divorce Club to see what nuggets of wisdom we could steal…

How did you get into Co-Parenting coaching?

Marcie:  When my marriage broke down nearly ten years ago it was really tough. A friend of mine sent me a number for her coach. I didn’t even know what a coach was.

But I called the number.

I had life coaching for the first time in my life. And it changed my life. I became more sure footed, was able to be more confident in my decisions and have more fun. And I became a stronger person.

Basically when my world felt like it was falling down around me, coaching helped me get up, dust myself off, and start again. During the years that followed my career in the diplomatic sector flourished, and I always always carried with me the tools I learned through coaching.

When I then retrained as a coach I realised that I could fill the gap of what I didn’t have when I was divorcing, someone to help me navigate the difficulties of shared parenting including finding my inner strength and knowing what my boundaries were. I also use my diplomatic negotiating skills in my work and I hear what is not said. This makes the methodology unique and successful.

Why is there a need for it?

Because it’s really too easy to lose sight of what’s happening for the kids when you’re getting divorced or separating.

We can be in emotional turmoil, angry, devastated, frustrated and managing such big emotions makes it harder for us to see where we are needed. We might be fighting with our ex, using our kids as bargaining collateral, we might be withholding access.

All of these things happen not because we want to damage our children, but because we want to get at the person that we no longer want to be with.

Unfortunately, it’s always the kids that this impacts on. And the impact of these actions, even if they are for a relatively short time period, can last a lifetime. They can impact on how your children form their own relationships, how they show up in society, their anger management, their confidence and so much more.

Learning how to parent transactionally and together massively reduces the negative impact and helps your child grow up in a whole and functional way.

Can children of divorce really be OK if the parents navigate it sensibly?

Simply, yes they can absolutely be ok. At Rolling Stone Coaching, we are realistic and honest with parents. Children with divorced parents will never experience the full bubble of parental safety.

But parents who work together to keep their child safe, will see their child held and ok. Acknowledging to your kids that it’s not easy going from house to house where rules and the relationship system differ goes a long way to making your child feel heard. If your child feels heard and ok to say when things aren’t working or when things are hard, then you are succeeding in your co-parent relationship.

What are some of the common pitfalls of parenting during a divorce?

There are a few things that I see time and time again. Communication with each other is the biggest potential trap to fall into. Communicating by email and text often creates misunderstandings. We can think someone is being angry when they are being humorous. Problems can escalate so quickly if we perceive someone to be acting in a way that they actually aren’t.

Getting your child to choose. Often parents think they are being open and collaborative when they ask a child to choose who they want to go and spend Christmas with this year for example. But the outcome of this is usually inner turmoil for the child.

You see, your children aren’t choosing to divorce you, they want both of you. They can’t and should never be asked to choose. They love you both. Parents need to be parents, and make fair and strong decisions that means that their children can be children.

Can you really make a difference if only one parent chooses to work with you?

Yes. If you think about it as a triangle. Parent one, Parent two and the Relationship are the three points of that triangle. Imagine that only one parent wants to make a change. Perhaps they are feeling that they can’t deal with the confrontation, or are unable to hold their boundaries.  When I work with that parent, they way they behave changes, and because they are different they interact differently.

When they interact differently, the shape of the triangle has to change. It doesn’t mean that the other parent will suddenly become collaborative, but it does mean that the parent who is doing the work will be able to hold a safer space for the children, be more secure in how they show up, and be able to demonstrate good practice.

Usually I hear from parents that there has been a shift in how the other shows up and that they get a lot closer to working together. It’s not a magic wand. It takes work. And it may be hard work.

Tell us a bit about how your programme works.

I work with one or both parents, face to face or on the phone or Skype. I take each parent through the Co-Parent Way method, and it’s around 7-9 sessions each.

At the beginning (sometimes) and at the end (always) I have both parents in the room or on the same call. Both parents sign off on a co-parent charter on how they approach their parenting. The Co-Parent Way also acknowledges that we are not just parents, that all parts of our life interlink with each other.

So the coaching looks at parents as whole people, their work, their life balance etc whilst showing the impact of all those things on how they show up in their parenting and co-parenting.

The reality of life now is that blended families are more and more common, aren’t they?  What are the upsides to getting it working really well?

Messaging and boundaries. So all members of the same family having a message board if you like, which means they are telling the ‘original’ children the same thing in an age appropriate way. So you don’t get one side bad mouthing the other.

The workshop work we do at Rolling Stone Coaching, means that messaging comes from a place of keeping the original children safe and not one-upmanship on the other family. Boundaries too, so fewer emails, better systems in place, not turning up unannounced etc, not walking into the home if you’re not invited in. All of these things and so much more help respect the other family and hold the boundaries.

At DC we meet a LOT of people who are having trouble seeing their children because their ex is making it very hard either by being erratic with dates or manipulating the children into refusing to see their ex.  What words of advice would you offer the fathers?   The mothers?

Unfortunately, this is far too common. And it’s important to say that the parents who are being denied access to their kids will need some tools in their tool belt to be able to deal with this. Coaching is a good way of achieving that.

Advice to the parent who can’t see the kids? Consistency. Keep being present if you can. Send daily messages to your kids if they have a phone, telling them you love them. Not emotionally charged messages, just simple one. ‘Good night, daddy loves you,’ will eventually reach them.

Advice to the parent withholding the kids? You’re slowly breaking the thing you love most in the world: your children. It’s about perspective, and getting help to see other perspectives will help your kids flourish.

Do you like your job?

It’s not a job, it’s a life’s work. And I’m privileged to work with so many courageous people.

To work with Marcie, contact her at Rolling Stone Coaching.

The post How to co-parent during and after a divorce – from the UK’s ONLY Dedicated Co-Parent Coach appeared first on Divorce Club.

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“I haven’t spoken to my girls in 4 months”

“She’s turned both of them against me”

“My boys can’t do football because their Dad refuses to take them on his weekends”

“He just drops in whenever he wants.  I know it’s great for the kids but I can’t plan anything and I can’t get over him because I don’t have any space”

Sadly, these and countless more examples of post divorce parenting nightmares are things we hear at Divorce Club all the time.

Parenting blues are common themes at our meetups

Divorce Club was set up to be a place online and in the real world where divorcees can meet and chat to each other to lessen the emotional burden of divorce.  As people turn up to gee each other along or share their woes, talk of children comes up time and time again.

It’s heart breaking to hear some of the stories and as someone who has been privy to lots of them, I’d like to offer a few tips for parents who are in the throes of divorce based on the experiences of those that have done it.  Names and stories have been altered.

What Divorce Clubbers learned the hard way about parenting after divorce 1. If your partner has been unfaithful, don’t withdraw access to the children to punish them

We hear time and again from people (almost exclusively men) who have been denied access to their children after infidelity.  This can take the form of the custodial parent messing around with the diary – cancelling weekend access, being late or pretending the children are sick.

Even worse, some angry spouses even tell their children about their parent’s infidelity in order to become the injured party and drive a wedge between their kids and the other parent.  Thus stopping the children from wanting to see them.

If you are tempted to do this, please, please don’t.  Feelings of pain and betrayal after infidelity are understandable but you do not need to inflict these on your children too.  They will also feel hurt and betrayed, but also have extraordinarily difficult conflicting feelings. After all they are the flesh and blood of your ex’s and he or she is part of who they are.

Also try to remember that your ex may have been a lousy partner, but it doesn’t mean they are a lousy parent. Parents love their children and the children have a right to that love even if it’s from a flawed human being.

2. Do not try to poison your children against your ex

Frank hasn’t seen his children in 18 months.  He is a wreck. His wife has told his teenage girls about his flirting with someone from work and now they refuse to see him.

Amit had to go to court to clear his name after his ex accused him of assault.

Amy had to move her children from their school after her husband told all the school parents lies about things she had said about them, making her and the children’s lives unbearable.

No matter what a rotten scoundrel your ex is, please don’t try to ruin their lives, either by making their lives difficult or poisoning your kids against them.  It hurts everyone in the long run. You might want your ex to suffer, but your children will suffer too.

Remember your children love both of you, however misguided that may be!  It’s natural and you should allow that love to flourish even if your own has withered.

3. If you can resist venting against your ex now, it can pay off in buckets later

John and Marilyn mutually decided to split after years of relationship ups and downs and arguments.  They hoped they could be civil, but they hadn’t managed to get through the last year without frequent bouts of shouting and cross words.  

John didn’t trust Marilyn any more, didn’t massively like her and just seeing her often made him angry, but he always recognised that she was a brilliant mum to their kids.

During their handovers he bit his tongue again and again – not always – but he fought to avoid rows as much as possible.

Now they still wind each other up but view each other as friends and have even been on a family holiday together.  The children have come through the divorce balanced and healthy with minimal suffering.

Biting your tongue now can really lead to a more positive and happy relationship later.  After all, you’ve decided to split so what’s the point in unloading any more home truths now.  It’s only going to make things worse.

Concentrate on the smoothest transactions possible from now on, and eventually the angry feelings will recede into the past, and possibly lead to a more positive relationship.

4. Create a minimal contact period if you can – ask family and friends to help

Shelina and Rajat are newly divorced and she is determined to let him have as much access to the children as she can.

However his constant popping in without notice over the last few months has given her no space to grieve and move on from her relationship.  He is constantly in her space.

Striving to make sure your kids have full access to Mum AND Dad is a wonderful goal.

However, it can be very difficult to go straight from being married to a co-parenting relationship without having some space in between.

Easier said than done when your ex is popping around all the time to see the children.

Try to create a bit of space for yourself during the period of transition.  Ask for a bit of notice before your ex comes and get family and friends to occasionally be there to do handovers for you.

Perhaps the visiting parent can take the children out, or meet on neutral ground instead of coming into the home.

Explain to your ex that this is not an act of hostility, but just a bit of space for you to help you move on.  When you feel stronger about seeing them, you can start to be more present again.

5. Your children grow up, and then they will make their own minds up

Think to the future!

If you deny your kids access to a beloved parent or tell them things about your ex that aren’t true, sooner or later your chickens are going to come home to roost.

Children grow up and make their own minds up.

They also mellow with age.  What can seem very black and white when young, becomes more nuanced when people get older.

When Mike got divorced, Carly only allowed him to see their children for 2 hours a week.  She refused to communicate with him via phone or email, insisting on passing notes between them via the children.

He often only found out about key events in their lives long after they had happened.  Hospital visits, achievements, failures.

One day his eldest son turned up on his doorstep, unannounced.  

“I can see why you divorced her.”

Mike had always been very careful not to badmouth his ex to his children, despite his (very strong) feelings about the way she behaved.  

He continued to exercise caution in the way he spoke about Carly, but gradually found that his eldest son was making up his own mind about things and wanted to hear his father’s side of the story.

Carly will have to work hard to regain the trust and respect of her son, who is now deeply suspicious of his mother.  This could have been so easily avoided if she had been more open to allowing her children to have a better relationship with their father from the get go.

6. How you treat your ex is modelling relationships to your children

Your relationship with your ex is a demonstration to your children of how key relationships work.  This is the model they will learn.

They learn how men speak to women and vice versa.

They learn about how conflict works in relationships.

They learn whether manipulation or control is a tool in relationships – or aggression.

Think about the person you want your children to be when they grow up. How do you want them to treat people and be treated?  You may not be able to control your ex’s behaviour but you can control your own and be a brilliant role model to your kids.

Similarly, keeping both parents in your life gives your children a chance to learn from both of you.  If your ex is flaky or has some less than endearing qualities, don’t be too quick to despair. Children can learn useful lessons from less than perfect behaviour, like resiliance, the ability to question adults and coping skills.

7.  Go out of your comfort zone and do things together if you can.

At Divorce Club we know a few parents who really gritted their teeth and did the last thing they wanted to – spent time with their ex and children all together.

We don’t recommend doing this a lot because you also need your space and time to get over the end of the relationship.

However, being able to spend time as a family on occasions is something that can have enormous benefits long term.

Almost a year after they decided to separate, Alice and James went on holiday together with the children and James’s new partner.  Alice and his new partner got on well but it was a bit weird all the same. James and Alice mostly got on OK with one or two small arguments, but the children enjoyed them all being together.

After the holiday, everyone agreed that perhaps it was a bit too soon and not entirely successful.

However, having done it once, the family did end up spending more free time together and eventually going on group holidays with other friends and family together, and enjoying it much more.

Nick and Evalina tried to have an amicable divorce even though they weren’t getting on very well.  But Nick often turned up to DC meetups telling us about the day they’d just had out together with their little girl.  She loved it when they all spent time together.

His take on it was that it wasn’t his choice but he was happy to see how thrilled his little girl was.  He was willing to keep it up for her sake.

Things haven’t changed much in the meantime, but what he has a is a very rich and happy relationship with his daughter, which he feels is worth the slightly awkward time with his ex.

8.  Don’t move away straight after divorce

Several people at our meetups have to commute over a hundred miles to see their children because their partners moved away as soon as they could.

Obviously, you have to do what is right for you and your family and often finances dictate where you live.  Living in the London area is very expensive. However, it makes it much harder for children and parents to have a loving, stable relationship when they are so far away.

Plus, if you have your ex not too far away and can develop a better relationship over time, you will find that it can be useful to have someone else to help when childcare emergencies happen.

9.  Be careful what you hide from your adult children – they usually find out the truth

Marie divorced her alcoholic husband but didn’t want her adult children to find out about it.  Her rationale was that it was up to him to tell them. In the meantime she wanted to shield them from the sad truth.

Eventually they found out for themselves, but rather than support her, they were angry with her for lying to them.  It was a blow to them about their father and they felt that their mother should have been upfront with them so that they could have all supported each other.

Whether or not you side with Marie or her kids, be careful what you chose to reveal or not reveal to your children. This is especially true if it is something that several other people know about. These things have ways of coming out into the open.

10. Children want to love both their parents.  Let them.

That’s it.  If there’s one rule to rule them all – it’s this one.

The post 10 tips Divorce Clubbers learned the hard way about parenting after divorce appeared first on Divorce Club.

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When Meghan Markle was going through the heartbreak of a divorce, she probably did not imagine that she would marry royalty.  Unfortunately the royals are now all taken but there is nothing stopping you from marrying someone better, after all, if the royal family can now accept a divorcee, so can anyone.

A lot of people report making a better choice for the second marriage as they know what they want, and what they don’t.

Here are some others who have made a better choice second time (or third) time round:

Paul McCartney

After the death of his first wife, Linda McCartney, Paul sought comfort with model Heather Mills. It was soon clear that she was NOT a nice person. All kinds of reports of her bullying and unkindness were coming out from baby sitters, to the charities she worked for.  Even the judge at court called her a “liar” and “fantasist”, and then just to help her public image, she poured a glass of water over Paul’s barrister.

Now Paul McCartney is with a very successful woman (Nancy Shevell) who does not need his money. They can go on holiday without the entourage of make-up artist, body-guard and random-friend-from-Tenerife.  The best part of all is that his children like her and so he has since been spending more time with them.

Eva Longoria

Petite Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria, is now on her third marriage, and each husband has been better than the last: The first marriage was to some little known TV actor (Tyler Christopher).  Her second marriage was to a French professional basketball player Tony Parker.  Her most recent marriage is to a media tycoon (José Antonio “Pepe” Bastón Patiño).  Each marriage has lasted a little longer.  Her current marriage is about to celebrate its 4th anniversary and Eva is about to have her first child.  Let’s hope it’s three times a charm

Martha Dandridge Custis and George Washington, 1759

So technically Martha Dandridge was not divorced but widowed.  Nevertheless, she did remarry the fabulously wealthy founding father George Washington to become America’s first First Lady. Not bad going!

John Lennon and Cynthia Lennon

Cynthia was with John before he was famous and in her biography recounts that she found his transition to fame challenging.  She wrote about his alleged drug and alcohol fuelled behaviourt, he was also abusive and cheated on her with many other women.  So while her second husband was less famous, it sounded like divorce was for the best.

John was already seeing Yoko when he divorced his first wife Cynthia in 1968. Cynthia actually discovered their affair when she returned home and found them both in their robes.  For his part, John married someone quirky and arty and was inspired to write some of his best music.

Bruce Springsteen

Born in the USA rock star Bruce Springsteen met Patti Scialfa in a bar in the 1980s.  Patti was an accomplished singer song writer in her own right and was in the band E Street Band.  The actually toured together, and according to Bruce’s band member, were about to become a couple when Springsteen was introduced to a model called Julianne Phillips.  She acted a little too but was mainly known for being Springsteen’s wife.

Two years later, Springsteen came to his senses and got together with Patti and they have been together for over 30 years and have 3 children together.  They have supported each other musically and are both in the Rock and Roll in the Hall of Fame.  What a talented couple!

Tina Turner

Tina Turner may have thought she had hit the big time when she married music mogul Ike Turner, but this relationship was notorious for its turmoil.  She was beaten, cheated, abused and eventually found the courage to leave.  She famously had no money whatsoever from this divorce despite being one of the most famous and brilliant stars of her time.

We are glad that she found love.  She is now in a couple with an immensely successful music producer Erwin Bach worth £50,000,000.  They were together 27 years before tying the knot in 2013.  In this time he helped her feel loved, get over the abuse she suffered and feel happiness again. They are Simply the Best!

We hope that these stories give you hope that you can do better second time round with all that valuable knowledge and experience from your first marriage.

The photo for this articles is By Mark Jones – Cropped from Flickr version: https://www.flickr.com/photos/rambomuscles/27537241539, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=65635766

The post Step aside Meghan!  People who married up after a divorce. appeared first on Divorce Club.

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