Dating Ruth | Romance| Dating| Love| Relationship| Marriage Problems, Solutions.
y name is Fejiro Miller and I want to help people gain relationship knowledge and develop better and more healthy relationships. Most people are going to have a relationship so why not have an amazing relationship versus a mediocre relationship? Hopefully this knowledge will help you and your relationship go to the next level.
Every marriage is important and sometimes you may find yourself in a place where you and your spouse need some extra help. There are many reasons why this might be but the most important thing is to get it before it’s too late. Here are three reasons you should seek marriage counseling.
1)We don’t get along anymore
*Sometimes you get along and sometimes you don’t. Does it seem like you get along less and less each day? Maybe y’all have a misunderstanding? Maybe y’all have miscommunication? Whatever it may be, y’all just can’t get along. In this situation it would be wise to seek help before it continues to get worse. Marriage counseling can help both of you understand each other and navigate to getting along together.
2) We have plateaued
*Sometimes your marriage is going great, sometimes it isn’t going so well and sometimes you are stuck in a rut. If your relationship is in a rut and has plateaued then it would be wise to seek help and get marriage counseling. Don’t stay where you are. Instead get the help y’all need so that your marriage can continue growing and thriving.
3) We are ready to quit
*Sometimes your marriage is so bad one of you or both of you feel like quitting. For me, I have a belief in God and desire to follow His ways. So splitting up and quitting isn’t an option. For some it is an option and I’d caution you to not make the mistake and quit a marriage prematurely. Most of the time when things are bad, if you hold on a little more there is a breakthrough. There are situations to call it quits. But if the reason isn’t Biblical then I’d suggest getting some help. Marriage counseling isn’t to be frowned upon but can help your marriage tremendously.
*The first step to creating some relationship goals is to carve out a time that works for both of you. It is important to have life goals so why not have relationship goals? Talk with each other and choose a time that works for both of you. Make sure the time is good for both of you and that you can both be fully alert and not distracted.
2) Plan together
*Now it’s time to plan. You are together so why not plan together? It important to make solid goals that reflect both of your interests. In order to do that you will have to talk, compromise and do it together. It would make no sense to plan it one sided and expect the other to just go with the flow. However, you may have that type of relationship but it would be wise to still do it together.
3) Execute together
*Now it’s time to execute. This last and final step is imperative or the planning is worthless. You have to execute. Execution takes teamwork, accountability and hard work. If your in the right relationship then executing won’t necessarily be easy but it will definitely worth it.
Bonus step: Here is a bonus step. After you’ve picked a time, planned and spent some time executing, why not reflect on your progress and improve your plan?
A relationship is a delicate flower that can either thrive or die. The question is whether or not this flower is worth giving the proper sun and water for it to thrive or to just leave it alone. When deciding whether or not to keep or not to keep a relationship, I suggest asking yourself two questions. Make sure to reflect and answer them seriously.
1)Can I see myself marrying this person?
*When deciding whether or not to keep a relationship it is important to ask yourself a tough question. Is this person that I want to marry? Is this person the person I could see myself spending the rest of my life with? If the answer is yes then the relationship is worth keeping and if the answer is no then there you go, you have your answer. Why keep a relationship when it isn’t headed anywhere?
2) Do we share the same beliefs?
*This is a crucial question because there are people you are attracted to and people you could spend your life with but you will have to avoid certain conversations. Why? For me, the person we spend our life with should believe in the same things as we do so we have common values. If we have common beliefs and values then our relationship will thrive.
So should you keep this relationship or not? The answer is found in those two questions. Don’t waste your time and the other persons. If this is a relationship you can see yourself in for life then it’s worth keeping and if not it’s time to part ways.
*In order to keep a relationship exciting you need to go on a date. However, some people go on the same dates and that can be fun and not as exciting as it could be. If you always go out to eat, how about a movie and dinner? If you always go to a movie, how about going to a live production? Spontaneous dates are fun and can keep the relationship exciting.
2) Spontaneous gifts
*Everyone loves gifts and most people appreciate gifts when unexpected. A surprise is flattering and can gain you some points with the other so I highly recommend surprising them with a gift! If you need some ideas, just ask yourself what do they like? What do they need? Go get it and give it to them and they will be happy.
Young couple having picnic in park with border collie
3) Spontaneous messages
*In order to keep your relationship exciting you need spontaneous dates and gifts. You also need to randomly let the other know how you feel about them. It is important they know how you feel and not just the normal everyday talk. I love you…yes but how much do you love them? How about write a poem? Text them throughout the day that you are thinking of them and be amazing at how it will spark your relationship.
*Go to the movies! It is a date that is common yet always different based on the theater and showing. There are theaters where you can recline your chairs, where you can eat and some where you can do both. You can go see a movie in the day, after work or even a midnight showing. Don’t underestimate the movies as a fun and exciting date.
2) Go out to eat
*Go out to eat! Eating is apart of our everyday life so why not make it a date! You can eat fast food, at a casual restaurant and even a fancy one. No matter where you eat you can bet that you and your date will be satisfied because your stomachs will be very happy! Eating is fun so why not make it a date!
3) Go hiking
*Go hiking! Hiking is for beginners, experts and in between. Hiking is a good date idea because it’s adventurous and you have some quality time while seeing God’s beautiful creation! Hiking is fun and why not burn off that lunch y’all just had?! Make sure to where the proper gear and be prepared because this date idea could go bad but with the right gear and preparation it will be fun and memorable.
4) Go shopping
*Go shopping! Guys don’t get mad at me and ladies don’t use this date idea as your go to! Shopping is fun and a good date because there are so many things out there to buy! There are clothes, shoes, groceries, houses, cars and more. Make your shopping experience time together and you’ll enjoy it!
5) Go freestyle
*Go freestyle?! Yes, the best dates are spontaneous and based on the couple. For example, a young couple who loves to eat but on a diet can go to a restaurant that teaches you how to cook healthy food! Or a couple who likes to travel can take mini road trips to cities near them and explore. Whatever date you decide make sure its fun and brings you closer together as a couple.
Keeping a relationship can be healthy but it can also be unhealthy. Most relationships that succeed are healthy so I wouldn’t suggest prolonging an unhealthy relationship. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself a question. Is this relationship worth keeping? Is it worth it or not. A healthy relationship takes a lot of work so this question is vital if you want to move forward. Here are three responses and my suggestion on what to do.
1) Yes! Then keep your relationship! If you answered yes then the simple answer is do whatever you need to do to keep this relationship that you have decided is worth it. I could give you tons of ideas and solutions but at the end of the day if your dream job was on the line you would do whatever it takes to keep the job. It should be the same if the relationship is so important to you. You should do whatever you have to in order to keep the relationship.
2) Maybe! Then keep your relationship but give yourself a deadline on when to decide if it is or is not worth it. There is no need to just coast so it’s important if you are unsure to figure it out fast so you don’t waste your time or theirs.
3) No! Then move on! If you decided that the relationship is not worth it then it pretty much is over and you need to call it quits and move on. It isn’t healthy to prolong something you don’t see a future in and there is no need to waste each others time, emotions and money any longer.
*It is a sad thing to say but everyone you meet online is not real. It is very important that you are careful when engaging in online dating. People use fake accounts, they lie about their age and they use other people’s pictures. So when engaging in online dating please be careful and do your due diligence by screening the person. Make sure you like them and then give them a phone call and eventually you can meet them but make sure it is in a public place and that your family and friends know where you are going.
2) It’s just as awkward for them
*Here is something funny but true. Online dating is awkward and you don’t have to feel like you are the only one who thinks that. It is awkward to randomly speak to someone you don’t know and have never met. It is awkward for all parties so try your best to remember that for yourself and for those you speak to online.
3) Look at the words and not just the pictures
*Make sure to look at the persons profile and not just the pictures. Yes, pictures are good because most people like to date someone they are attracted to. However, the words could be more important that the picture if you are genuinely looking to find love online. What are their interests, hobbies, views on certain subjects and more. No matter how hot they are it would be hard to find love with a person who disagrees with everything you believe.
Love is more than a feeling. Sure you feel love but feelings sometimes change and new feelings arise. Sometimes those feelings aren’t the most pleasant but if you found love the right way then you have no need to worry. Love is more like a choice. I choose to love you because I choose to and it’s not based on my feelings or your behavior. To me, that is real love…it’s love that loves no matter what. But how do you find love the right way?
1) Start with the end in mind
*When looking for love and when looking for love the right way it is imperative to look for love with the end in mind. What I mean by looking for love with the end in mind is to look for love with a plan. Don’t just look aimlessly and don’t just settle at the first person who is interested in you. That is where most relationships fail. They started wrong and surely they fail or last longer than needed. However, if you think about the person you want to love and if you think of the relationship that you want to have then looking for the love won’t just be about the right way but the fun and amazing way.
2) Start looking for love
*Now that you have defined the relationship before finding the relationship, it’s time to start looking for love. If you are to find the love that you desire and have hoped for then it takes action and not just hopeful wishes. If you are a man then I’d advise you to start looking and not being afraid to fail. Yes, you may face rejection but what if I told you that once you are rejected 9 times then you will meet the woman of your dreams? Then you will gladly take those rejections. Ladies, I’d advise you to wait for your love to come to you because men pursue and the women men pursue are women of character and not just beauty. Don’t make yourself cheap because men will treat you accordingly and that is how you find love the wrong way.
3) Stop looking for love
*Honestly, some of you need to stop looking for love. You need a timeout where you can grow as a person and stop hurting people and being hurt by people. There is no shame in taking a timeout if it is for the right reason. In order to find love the right way it is imperative that you be healthy and not toxic or your relationship will turn toxic.
*Most relationships can not survive if they lack quality time. In today’s culture we can be with each other for hours but not really together. We also can be miles apart but spend time together using the technology that sometimes separates us. We may be old fashioned and prefer to spend time together in person. We may be more modern and like spending time together virtually. No matter which we prefer, we need to have quality time if our relationship is to survive.
Solution: Be intentional and plan quality time together.
*If our relationship problem is to be solved then you must use some intentionality. You must make sure to plan time together that you both enjoy and find satisfying. There are lots of things that you can do together and there is plenty of time each day. So the ball is your court to solve this issue by taking time and planning quality time together so that you can have a healthy relationship.
2) No forward movement
*A lot of relationship problems arise from the fact that the relationship is stagnate and not moving forward. In order to solve this issue we must ask, “am I the problem?” Honestly, you are probably both the problem and that is okay. However, it’s not okay to stay where you are at. We must also be diligent to solve this problem by gaining some traction and start moving. But how?
Solution: Be intentional and create some relationship goals
*If your relationship is going to start moving and moving to the next level then your relationship needs goals. Each relationship is different and each person is different so it’s important to make your goals based on your needs and hopes. It would be silly to make a goal for a married couple if you just started dating and vice versa. At the end of the day your relationship will go as far as your goals.
3) No understanding of each other
*Most relationship problems arise from misunderstanding each other. Working through your relationship problems will require you understanding each other as much as you understand yourself. Most arguments are not resolved simply because we misunderstand each other and because of this misunderstanding our relationship problems can bring disaster.
Solution: Be intentional and listen before you speak
*If you are to understand your partner then you must listen. Your relationship problem will never be solved if all you do is speak. No, you must listen and when you listen you understand more accurately. It’s funny how this works so good because it’s so easy. However, most people don’t like to listen and understand. Instead they like to speak and be understood. If your relationship problem is to be solved then you must listen before you speak so you can understand and respond appropriately.