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We all want better relationships, and when things aren’t quite working out in our relationships, many of us turn towards advice that help us deal with things on the surface. They work for some time, until you go through the same issues again.

What happens on the outside is only a reflection of what’s happening inside of us. Your relationships are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

Having a healthy relationship with yourself means being aware and knowing and understanding who you are, what you like/dislike, who, why and how you love, and more. It’s this self-awareness that will help you become a better partner in your relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re currently in a relationship or just waiting for the right person to come along; now is always the perfect time for self-reflection.

Below are three resources that I use with my clients that can serve as your starting point.

Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

“Within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects…The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”

– Dr. Gary Chapman –

Each person gives and receives love differently. My idea of feeling loved, or how I express love, may not be the same as yours, and you will most likely differ from your partner as well.

For example, my primary love language (what I need) is Quality Time, while Neil’s primary love language (what he needs from me) is Acts of Service.

You can take The 5 Love Languages® official assessment here at no cost. It will help you discover your love language profile, which will give you insight on your primary love language, what it means and how you can use it to connect with others.

Helen Fisher’s Personality Quiz

Helen Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute. She studies the evolution, brain systems and cross-cultural patterns of romantic love, mate choice, marriage, adultery, divorce, gender differences in the brain, personality/temperament, and a lot more.

Helen created the quiz to “test the degree to which you express four broad styles of thinking and behaving, each associated with one of four basic brain systems: the dopamine (Explorer), serotonin (Builder), testosterone (Director) and estrogen (Negotiator) systems.”

At the end of the quiz, you will receive feedback on three things:

  • your “personality signature” (how you naturally think and behave),
  • whom you are naturally attracted to, and
  • the natural joys and problems that may occur when you connect with someone with a different “personality signature.”

Click here to take the quiz.

Discover Your Unique Love Blocks: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself (Workbook)

A couple weeks ago, I talked about 5 Hidden Love Blocks that might be keeping you from having the relationship you desire.

If you don’t figure out what those hidden love blocks are in your own life,it doesn’t matter how much dating advice you consume. What you need to do is get to the root of what is holding you back. Until then, you won’t get to change your experience of love.

I developed the 7 Questions Journaling Workbook to help you uncover, understand and resolve those love blocks – the destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity, and unresolved pain that’s lingering just under the surface – and start attracting love from a place of clarity, confidence and strength.

You can download the workbook here.

I hope you find these useful. I’d love to hear your thoughts about these resources in the comments below, and if you have other resources to recommend, please share them as well.

The post Better Relationships: The Power of Looking Inward appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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When things aren’t quite working out in our relationships, many of us turn towards advice that help us deal with things on the surface. They work for some time, until you go through the same issues again.

What happens on the outside is only a reflection of what’s happening inside of us. Your relationships are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

Having a healthy relationship with yourself means being aware and knowing and understanding who you are, what you like/dislike, who, why and how you love, and more. It’s this self-awareness that will help you become a better partner in your relationships.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re currently in a relationship or just waiting for the right person to come along; now is always the perfect time for self-reflection.

Below are three resources that I use with my clients that can serve as your starting point.

Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

“Within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects…The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”

– Dr. Gary Chapman –

Each person gives and receives love differently. My idea of feeling loved, or how I express love, may not be the same as yours, and you will most likely differ from your partner as well.

For example, my primary love language (what I need) is Quality Time, while Neil’s primary love language (what he needs from me) is Acts of Service.

You can take The 5 Love Languages® official assessment here at no cost. It will help you discover your love language profile, which will give you insight on your primary love language, what it means and how you can use it to connect with others.

Helen Fisher’s Personality Quiz

Helen Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist and Senior Research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute. She studies the evolution, brain systems and cross-cultural patterns of romantic love, mate choice, marriage, adultery, divorce, gender differences in the brain, personality/temperament, and a lot more.

Helen created the quiz to “test the degree to which you express four broad styles of thinking and behaving, each associated with one of four basic brain systems: the dopamine (Explorer), serotonin (Builder), testosterone (Director) and estrogen (Negotiator) systems.”

At the end of the quiz, you will receive feedback on three things:

  • your “personality signature” (how you naturally think and behave),
  • whom you are naturally attracted to, and
  • the natural joys and problems that may occur when you connect with someone with a different “personality signature.”

Click here to take the quiz.

Discover Your Unique Love Blocks: 7 Questions To Ask Yourself (Workbook)

A couple weeks ago, I talked about 5 Hidden Love Blocks that might be keeping you from having the relationship you desire.

If you don’t figure out what those hidden love blocks are in your own life,it doesn’t matter how much dating advice you consume. What you need to do is get to the root of what is holding you back. Until then, you won’t get to change your experience of love.

I developed the 7 Questions Journaling Workbook to help you uncover, understand and resolve those love blocks – the destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity, and unresolved pain that’s lingering just under the surface – and start attracting love from a place of clarity, confidence and strength.

You can download the workbook here.

I hope you find these useful. I’d love to hear your thoughts about these resources in the comments below, and if you have other resources to recommend, please share them as well.

The post How To Make Your Relationships Better: The Power of Looking Inward appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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As the days and weeks are flowing into one it feels like I’ve blinked and the first half of 2018 has gone…how did this even happen!

With it being the 2nd week of July it struck me that in 6 months’ time we’ll be waking up to lots of “New Year’s Resolutions” and promises to ourselves to make 2019 “Our Best Year Yet,” and commit to finally doing the things we’ve wanted to do.

And then I thought,

“Am I really where I want/need to be? Doing the things I want to do, and living my life in the way that makes my soul happy?

Am I being the best version of me? (I had to say ‘no’)

Am I living the highest vision I have for my/our life? (Again, ‘no’ and ‘not yet’)”

Painful, but a work in progress, and that’s ok. I’m ok with that.

How often do we take the time to just stop for a moment to reassess where life is going, what we’re really busy with and whether we’re actually on track?

To check in on whether we’re going in the direction we want to, instead of being on autopilot, rushing from one day to the next, just ‘getting things done’… that’s certainly how I’m feeling today.

I love having these conversations with my clients too – and recently I’ve been so inspired by some of their reset plans!

It usually goes like this around June/July time:

“If we were to speak on x-date in December, what would you tell me about the last 6 months?  What would’ve happened?”

Then on a more practical level, we start making plans, get things in diaries to make sure they happen, and we simply work backwards from there. So fun and so exciting!

It Starts on the Inside

But as with most things the real ‘reset’ needs to happen inside first, because just adding more things to your endless to-do list is actually the opposite of what we’re trying to do.

Today I’ll spend some time reassessing and resetting. For me that means:

  • meditating,
  • journaling, and
  • reviewing and planning the next 6 months.

Here are some of the questions I’m thinking of – and I invite you to join me to take some time for yourself and reassess/reset in your own way, especially those parts of your life you know in your heart have been left behind or stalled a bit, and that need your time and attention.

For me,  I’ll be focusing on Relationships; Business, and Health & Fitness.

2018 Mid Year Review: Questions to Ask Yourself REFLECTING on it
  • What was the best moments / days / highlights of my year so far? What can I be celebrating?
  • What/who am I most grateful for right now, and how can I show my appreciation?
  • What situation/person/relationship/ circumstances are causing me pain, discomfort and/or doubt?
  • What/who do I need to let go of to help me move forward?
  • What has been working for me?
  • What has not been working for me?
  • What do I need to START doing?  What do I need to do more of?
  • What do I need to STOP doing? What do I need to do less of?
  • What’s been the most important lesson / discovery of 2018 so far?
  • What have I learnt about myself so far this year?
  • Where am I out of integrity?  Where am I out of alignment – where are the gaps/discrepancies between what I think, belief, say and do? This one question can probably answer almost all one the above.
PLANNING it
  • What do I want to look back on at the end of 2018?
  • What/where I am ready to transform over the next 6 months?
  • What do I know, in my soul, has been stopping me up to now?
DOING it
  • What do you know you can/need to do that will have the biggest impact over the next 6 months? Pick 3 key things, focus, plan and schedule what you can. 

Example: Relationships – 3 key things, Business – 3 key things, Health & Fitness – 3 key things

BEING it

So often we focus on all the things we need to get DONE, which is of course super important and absolutely right that we do so, but what’s actually more important is who we are BEING and BECOMING in the process.

So here are 2 questions to check in with:

  • Who am I becoming?
  • What do I have to believe about myself to have what I want, and to receive what I want?

Let’s do this together! If your year so far has been a bit ‘meh’ and you’re still not where you want to be, there’s time.

Next week I’ll share with you some of my insights and plans – and I’d love to hear some of your yours too.

Have a beautiful day and a fantastic week!

All my Love,

The post 2018 Mid Year Review – Reassess & Reset appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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Knowing and understanding who you are in love, how you function in relationships and why you choose the people you do is crucial in attracting the right person for you and creating the long term relationship you’re looking for.

We can’t change what we don’t know

We can’t let go of what we’re not aware of 

We repeat what we don’t heal 

Your relationships are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, how you project and perceive yourself and your place in the world – and how you choose to engage with the world around you on a daily basis.  At the root of your relationship with yourself is the awareness and understanding of who you are, what you’re about, who and how you love, and why.  In a love, dating and relationship context we’re talking about relational self awareness. 

In one of my absolute favourite (and recommended) Relationship Books, Loving Bravely, Dr. Andrea Solomon describes relational self awareness as the most important quality to look for in a romantic partner.  It is an essential indicator for the long-term viability of any relationship – and is of course needed on both sides to build the foundation for a healthy and happy relationship.

Knowing and understanding yourself is one of life’s most exciting, but also often often one of the most unsettling and painful journeys we experience.  There is the ‘you’ you get to know as an individual – but there is also the ‘you’ in the context of relationships, in the close proximity of another person who may be triggering and stirring all sorts of feelings and responses inside you.

Sadly it often takes a serious or traumatic life event like illness, divorce or grief to take us to the place where we start questioning who we really are and what we’re all about.

Understanding ourselves is one thing, one side of the coin so to speak. How we feel about the person we see in the mirror is the other  – how we love, value and take care of ourselves are also reflected in the people we choose to have relationships with and the behaviour we’re willing to accept in our lives.

Taking the time to get to know yourself, explore the light and the shadow sides of who you really are is not just a gift to yourself, but also to your future parter, relationship and children if that’s part of your path.

Doing this work and the healing that comes with it is never linear, and will ask a lot of you from time to time. But it’s always worth it.

As part of my coaching practice I work with my clients on taking this journey back to themselves – stripping it all back in the way that will help them move forward with new awareness, new understanding and new focus.

But before we get to Self Awareness, understanding and knowledge we’re looking for there is the actual step of Self Reflection – asking yourself the questions that matter.  There are countless ways of doing this, and many resources to help you do so.  This is in no way an exhaustive list, but it is a starting point to see what resonates with you and see what you find most helpful.  These are all part of the toolkit I use with my clients on a daily basis.

6 Recommended Dating and Relationship Tools and Resources to get to know yourself in love
  1. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages 

The 5 Love Languages® official assessment is free to use and discovering your Love Language Profile will explain your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect to others.  It is very useful to complete whether you’re single or in an existing relationship.

This is a tool I wish I discovered way back in my twenties instead of years later.  In essence the idea is that we are all different in the way that we understand, perceive, express and receive love. My idea of feeling loved, or what I do to express my love to you will most likely not be the same for you at all.

We tend to express love the way we feel most loved, but this can mean a mismatch and misunderstanding with your partner right from the start.

For example, my primary love language (what I need most) is Quality Time – while Neil’s primary love language (what he needs most from me) is Acts of Service.

Chapman explains the concept like this: 

“ My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counselling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects….The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”

The five languages are pretty straightforward –  here’s a brief description of what each of them mean:

  • Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
  • Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
  • Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
  • Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
  • Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

The most important takeaway is to know your love language(s) so you can speak your partner’s language fluently and also to be able to ask better for what it is that you need and want.

  1. Helen Fisher’s Personality Quiz : Discover your Personality Signature and learn more about who you are, whom you seek and how you love

     

I love Helen Fisher’s work because she is the world leader in researching and answering the questions that I’m personally obsessed with – why do we love who we love, and why do love how we love?

She has a lot of helpful articles, books and TED talks that you can easily find online, but for this article I’m sharing her ‘Personality Quiz’ that has now been taken by over 14 million people in 40 countries.

In this instance we’re taking more a of physiology / biological approach to self awareness and test the degree to which you express four broad styles of thinking and behaving, each associated with one of four basic brain systems: the dopamine, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen systems. We call these four types the:

  • Explorer: those who primarily express the traits linked with the dopamine system.
  • Builder: those who primarily express the traits linked with the serotonin system.
  • Director: those who primarily express the traits linked with the testosterone system.
  • Negotiator: those who primarily express the traits linked with the estrogen system.

The Personality Quiz is designed for you discover your “personality signature” And to find out how your style of thinking and behaving influence who you find romantically attractive, what you seek in a mate, and how you will get along with a long-term partner.

3. Attached – The Book by DR. Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A  :       The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love

Prior to entering the Dating & Relationship Coaching arena and becoming a coach for women I worked in the Child Protection field for nearly 15 years with women and children.

As a trained Social worker there was a lot of emphasis on childhood attachment and how that impacted outcomes for children later in their lives.  I therefore have a very strong interest in Adult Attachment and how that carries through from childhood into our adult relationships.

There are a lot of resources around attachment styles and patterns online, and in my view understanding this part of yourself is one of the most important things you can ever do for yourself, and every other relationship, but especially your romantic relationship.

Pioneered by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

  • ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
  • AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
  • SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving

In the book Attached, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love.

Also central to the science of attachment is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes; so, contrary to what many relationship experts today may tell us about the importance of remaining emotionally “self-sufficient”, attachment research shows us that our need to be close to our partner is essential. That, in fact, we can’t live without it.

In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate—or potential mate—follow, offering a road map, starting from the first date, for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.

Here is a quick quiz that you can use to get you started to explore your own adult attachment style. 

  1. Looking for Love?  7 Questions to ask yourself first.  Discover your unique Love Blocks with Dating Coach Ané Auret

Unless you get to the root of what is blocking love in your life, you will not change your experience of love. Discovering what may be causing you to settle, compromise or sabotage yourself and your relationships is one of the most important things you can ever do for yourself and any future relationship.  I call these obstacles our ‘Love Blocks’ – and we all have them to some extent.

The 7 Questions Journalling Workbook is designed to help you uncover, understand and resolves your unique Love Blocks – the destructive beliefs, fears, doubts, insecurity and unresolved pain that may be there under the surface and holding you back in ways that you may not be fully aware of.

It is so easy to focus on our attention on what it is that we want that we sometimes forget about actually creating space for it bey getting rid of what stands in our way in the first place.

This short workbook with 7 key questions and guided prompts help shine a light on those areas you need to pay attention to and let go of to move on from feeling stuck and instead attract love from a place of clarity, confidence and strength.

5. The Ultimate Relationship Readiness Quiz : Are you ready for your next relationship?  Find out here.

Are you actually ready for the relationship you say you want?  In all areas of your life? Just because you’re single, or just because you want a relationship doesn’t necessary mean you’re ready to actually be in that relationship.

If you’re serious about making your next relationship work – take your time to make sure you are truly relationship ready.

Be kind and patient with yourself.  And with the process you’re going through.  Getting through a painful breakup or divorce is a traumatic experience that brings a huge amount of pain and grief into your life – and it’s not to be skipped over lightly.

Many people deal with their pain (and fear of being alone) through getting involved with somebody else – often too soon.   I hear from my clients how they’ve repeated these cycles of getting into new relationships without ever resolving why they didn’t work out in the first place. That’s often where we start our work. Unravelling it all and setting them on a new path to finally have the lasting and fulfilling relationship and deep connection they want.

If you’re in a place right now where you’re thinking about whether you’re ready for your next relationship –  check out this Relationship Readiness Quiz and find out whether there any areas in your life that may potentially sabotage your love life in future.

6.  Getting Past Your Past – The Definitive Workbook to Emotional Healing, Health and Happiness – by Susan J. Elliot 

It is often said that the best indicator of your future is to look at the past.  But when it comes to repeating failed relationships and destructive habits and patterns that keep us stuck I wholeheartedly disagree.

You can absolutely change your relationship future, no matter what you’ve tried in the past and it didn’t work for you.  You are meant to have a relationship that is fulfilling, healthy and happy on every level.  Getting there may take some work, and will need you to take responsibility for your part in your story, but you absolutely have the power to re-write that story.

Sometimes it needs you take a step back and take a very close look at your past, and how it brought you to where you are now.  This resource helps you to do that in an in-depth way.

Many women in my community and some of my clients come out of long term relationships or marriages that have broken down and are at various stages of their grief and healing stages.  I find Susan Elliot’s books, blog and other resources full of real life, straightforward and practical advice and strategies and recommend you check but her website to see what resonates best with you.

The Getting Past Your Past Workbook   Please note: This is not a free resource – this Workbook costs $19.99.  I’m not affiliated with this product, but I do wholeheartedly recommend it if you want to make a serious investment in terms of time and energy in your own healing.

You can either work through this on your own, with a friend or with someone like a coach or counsellor / therapist.   It’s a very in-depth process with a huge amount of practical exercises for reflection, journalling and preparing and planning your next steps.

I hope you find these tools useful – I’d love to hear your thoughts and especially your recommendations on what you’ve found helpful when using other tools and resources.

The post 6 Dating and Relationship Tools and Resources appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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I’ve been having some really interesting discussions about what ‘relationship ready’ actually means, and whether there is a difference between being ‘ready to date’ and actually being ‘ready to start a relationship’ – or being in a long term, committed relationship.

I believe there is.  This is very subjective – and an extremely personal decision that only you can make. I thought I’d share with you some questions you can use to check in with yourself.

I’d love to know a bit more about you – where would you say you’re up to right now? Hit reply and let me know! 

– Staying single for a while longer?

– Ready to start dating?

– Carry on dating?

– Actually relationship ready? Maybe your first relationship after a breakup or divorce?

– Fully ready for perhaps marriage and lifelong commitment?

Here are 7 questions you can ask yourself to get started and work out whether you’re dating or relationship ready:  1. What is the length of time after your breakup or divorce? 

First – there are no rules here.  Many experts recommend waiting at least a year after a big breakup or divorce before you start dating again.  Everybody process their emotions, grief and pain differently, and at a different pace.  The important thing here is that you give yourself enough time – whatever that means to you.

What would be the reason to rush into the next relationship just to find yourself pulling back because you know deep down you’re not ready?  Maybe you’ve even been on the receiving end of that kind of situation and you may know that it can be incredibly confusing and painful.

2. What were the circumstances of your breakup or divorce? 

Again a really big topic that I will cover in much more detail in future.

Some women I speak are dating again, but still struggling to come to terms with their breakup or divorce. Others say that their relationship or marriage have been over for a long time before the actual split.  Some are more ready than others, especially emotionally to meet new people and consider the possibility of a new relationship. Some are still carrying a lot of pain, anger, grief and blame. Others have made the decision to forgive and move on.

Dating and looking for a new relationship from a place of loneliness or neediness is never a good starting point and it will come across eventually, we can’t help it. Be honest about where you are and take your time to really resolve what is in your own heart to know what you’re ready for.

3. Is this your first step back into the dating scene?

If it is you may feel a little overwhelmed.  Some of my clients haven’t dated in 10-20 years and find the whole online dating scene especially tricky to navigate. It’s hard to get back out there if your confidence is not quite what it could be, amongst everything else you’re dealing with.  If you’re taking your first steps to get back out there so to speak, take it a little slow and focus more on getting to know people, create friendships and get to know yourself again in this new stage of your life.

4. Would this be your first relationship after your breakup or divorce? 

I’m the last person who will say that you shouldn’t get serious about the first proper relationship after a breakup or divorce – but I would be incredible careful all the same. In my case I married my first serious partner after my divorce – and nearly 7 years later we’re really happy. But it was also chaotic and messy and very difficult for the first 3-4 years or so while we were both still reeling from previous breakups and struggling to find our feet. It can be done, I have to be honest and say I wouldn’t recommend getting too serious too soon.

I’ve certainly seen that a rebound relationship has the potential to be as painful as a divorce if it ends, because it often exacerbates the pain and (delayed) grief of a divorce in ways you can’t even imagine.

5. What kind of relationship are you looking for?

It is it something fun, casual and light? Is it just companionship? Or something deeper but probably not long term?  Or is it the full works – deep and lasting commitment?  Maybe even getting married again?

Whatever it is – it is of course totally, 100% fine to be exactly where you are right now. The important thing is to be honest and patient with yourself, and the other party.

6. Taking your responses to your Relationship Readiness quiz in account. How are your lowest rated areas potentially impacting your capacity to attract the right person and create a new relationship? 

This is a very simple one.  I know the quiz is not the beginning and the end of everything we’re talking about here, and it is certainly not any scientific indication of your personal readiness. It is, however, a good tool to help you pinpoint those (invisible) blocks and barriers that may get in your way – and it’s an indication of the areas you personally need to pay attention to. So keep it close and take your answers seriously.

7. On the flipside. How are your highest rated areas from the quiz supporting you in taking your next steps to date confidently, attract the right person for you and create a new relationship? 

It’s always important to recognise and focus on your strengths too – you certainly do have them!

The post Are you ‘date ready’ or ‘relationship ready’? 7 Questions to ask yourself appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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So you’re working on your own Relationship Readiness – but it’s obviously a two-way street right?

It’s just as important to be able to spot red flags and tune into someone else’s readiness for a relationship as it is to be clear on your own. 

If you’ve ever been involved with somebody who appeared to be ‘ready’ on the surface and it transpired that they really weren’t ready to date, or be in a relationship you’ll know what I’m talking about.  Best case scenario it can be a little uncomfortable and disappointing. – Worst case you can set yourself up for absolute heartbreak.

When you’re at the stage in your life where you’re ready to meet the right person for you, it’s obviously crucial to attract a man who is on the same wavelength as you. Somebody who’s also ready to meet the love of their life and who wants to create a committed, long term relationship. 

Over the years I’ve learnt that men behave in a certain way when they’re relationship ready and commitment ready.  And for them it really is quite straightforward in many ways.

Once they decide, that’s it.

They no longer ‘keep their options open’.

They no longer play games and keep you guessing.

In fact, they do everything in their power to make sure you know how they feel about you. You will absolutely know when a man is certain and ready to be in a committed relationship with you.

Here are some signs to look out for to help you recognise a man that is ready – and whether to invest your own time and energy in taking your relationship to the next level. 
  1. He consistently invests and prioritises time spent with you.
    You know where you stand with him. He shows you that you’re his priority and that he intentionally wants to spend time with you. Whatever it takes and whatever that means for the two of you. (Sidenote: *If a man says he is ‘too busy’ – believe him and don’t try and change or over invest your time into seeing him)
  2. His actions match his words. He does what he says he’s going to do, when he says he’s going to do it. You develop a deep knowing that you can trust what he says because he demonstrates it in big and small ways. You go to sleep at night without any worry or concern that he may not be trustworthy or that he has something to hide.
  3. He is emotionally mature and feels confident in his own skin 
    He’s sorted and he has his life together. He’s created a life that he loves, he has a compelling vision for his future and is confident in his ability to create that. Now he’s looking for a team mate, a partner that will be by his side all the way. And he’s not willing to settle. He’s open to sharing how he feels and embraces your feelings too, instead of shying away, make you feel like ‘too much’ or that your vision for your future is less important.
  4. He’s not stuck in the past and takes responsibility for his part in previous relationship breakdown / divorce
    He’s truly moved on from his ex and previous relationship/marriage on every level. He can talk about his past in a constructive way and recognise ways that he could possibly have done things differently and takes responsibility for his own actions. He’s done the work to figure out how he can make his next relationship a success, and he doesn’t carry anger, bitterness or an unforgiving attitude towards an ex-partner. He still believes in commitment and he’s willing and open to work on a relationship.
  5. It’s not just about sex 
    He’ll wait until you’re ready, and is just as affectionate outside the bedroom as inside. He’s comfortable with deepening intimacy over time. Both sexually and emotionally and takes his time to learn what works for you and what doesn’t.
  6. He really wants to get to know you and pay attention to the detail about your life
    He’s interested in what makes you tick, and the more he gets to know you the more he wants to know. It’s easy being around him because he is at ease with himself and he loves your quirks and idiosyncrasies. He listens when you speak and surprises you in big and small ways to make you feel loved and cared for in a way that is meaningful to you.
  7. You’re becoming part of his future. 
    Whether it’s introducing you to his friends, family, colleagues or children, making weekend or holiday plans – or just planning a night out, you are part of his plans and his future.
If you’re looking for a long term, committed relationship it’s just crucial to decide where you invest your time and energy.

Listen to your gut feeling, your instinct when you’re in those early phases of getting to know someone.

It can be easy to feel responsible for things not going in the right direction when you’re with someone who isn’t ready to be in a relationship. They may have the best intentions and not even realise this themselves.  *Rebound relationships are often particularly tricky and it would be wise to go into something like that with eyes wide open. 

If you find that you’re constantly doubting yourself, feeling insecure and second-guessing whether you’re being ‘too much’, or ‘not enough’, and whether you should ‘do more’, or work harder at being with someone in order to make the relationship work. Those are some really big red flags to pay attention to. It may be that they’re just not ready. Or it may be that there are deeper issue that mean you’re incompatible.

There are many really great high-quality, relationship ready and commitment ready men out there.  I know it may not feel like it – there is definite a lot of evidence to the contrary – I get that.  But I know they are there.

And the best way of attracting and meeting the right person for you is to put everything you can into working on your own life and your own relationship readiness.

There’s nothing more attractive or sexier than a woman who is authentically confident in who she is and who lives her life on her terms – alive, aligned and all in.  To me this is what it means to be ‘ready for love’.

That way you’ll exponentially increase the chances of meeting somebody on your own wavelength. Ready to have an amazing dating journey with and working towards creating the relationship of a lifetime with the love of your life.

The post Relationship Readiness: 7 Signs of a Relationship Ready Man appeared first on Dating Coach Ané Auret.

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