Part of dating includes being organized, and if you’re using dating apps and find there are several men named Steve, should you ask them their last names?
One of my dating coaching clients posed this question, as she was preparing for her second date with someone she met online. The truth is, she really wanted to check him out, and by asking for his last name, she thought she could get some information about him to help her feel safe.
How should she ask him, and should she even ask at all?
My response was simply not to ask for his last name.
When someone asks for your last name on the phone, it’s basic code for letting you know they’ll be doing a google search, or maybe even digging deeper into a background search.
I asked her how she’d feel if her date did the same, checked out where she lived, if she owned or rented, or any other personal or financial information. She replied that she wouldn’t have liked that either.
What I suggested, was to tell her date that she’d meet him at the theatre, to thank him for offering to pick her up, and to let him know that she’d like to take him up on his chivalrous offer to pick her up on a future date.
This way, she’s playing it cautious, acknowledging that he’s a gentleman, and letting the conversation flow during their date, where possibly more will naturally be revealed.
If she’s still stuck on getting the last name, I suggested she share hers with him casually, knowing that he’d probably reply with his.
Remember, it’s a date, not a deposition.
No one wants to feel interrogated about their net worth, but everyone wants to feel comfortable and safe.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may roam. xo
Julie Spira is an award-winning dating coach, and America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She was an early adopter of Internet dating, and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.
Today is International Day of Happiness, the first day of Spring, and you can view the the last Super Moon of the year, called the Super Worm Equinox Moon.
With all of this positive activity today, it’s time to share some quotes on happiness as we celebrate the Spring Equinox, and celebrate longer days with more sunlight.
The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters. ~Audrey Hepburn
“The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are, and not who people think you are.” ~Goldie Hawn
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
“Being happy never goes out of style.” ~Lily Pulitzer
“The U.S. Constitution doesn’t guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up with it yourself.” ~Benjamin Franklin
To celebrate the day, buy yourself a bunch of tulips, do some spring cleaning, and with spring in the air, and all of that happiness around you, know that with every change of season, it’s a new beginning and opportunity to find love online. Update your profile and start searching, matching, and meeting IRL.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and an award-winning dating coach. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for 25 years.
In an interview with Rachel of CGTN America, Cyber-Dating Expert’s founder Julie Spira speaks with Rachelle Akuffo about the mobile dating industry in the United States.
With apps including Match, Tinder, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish in the Match Group, to Bumble, and comparing mobile app usage with social networks, we took a look at the digital landscape for singles looking for love.
Julie Spira discusses the online dating industry - YouTube
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the Founder and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, a dating coaching company, and has been helping singles find love on the Internet for over two decades with her Irresistible Coaching programs.
DON’T: Tag your new boyfriend on Facebook. Chances are he hasn’t told his buddies and work pals about his Valentine’s plans.
DO: Post a photo if you’ve received flowers, a fun gift, or of the dessert at dinner. Everyone loves to view the photos and will cheer you on with ‘likes.’
DON’T: Post your “Happy Valentine’s” message on your date’s wall. Saying you can’t wait until the evening together should remain private. Remember, a simple post may be innocent. However your friends might wonder what kind of wild night the two of you will be having. Or worse yet, his ex-girlfriend might start posting inappropriate comments to ruin your evening.
DO: Send a digital gift, such as his or her favorite band on iTunes, an e-card, or a redeemable gift card to a store or restaurant.
DON’T: Send a musical playlist of “I Love You?”songs if you haven’t said those three little words yet.
DO: Ask for permission before you post anything online. Remember you?re creating a permanent digital footprint and your status and photos can be shared, even by people you don’t know.
DON’T: Overshare. Remember, many of your friends are single and may not be enjoying the day.
DO: Make an exciting announcement. If you become engaged on Valentine’s Day, your friends will want to know.
DON’T: Change your Facebook relationship status to ‘In a Relationship’ until both of you have had the talk and agree to be on the same digital page.
Do you have any social media rules for Valentine?s Day?
It’s Valentine’s week, and both singles and couples alike are filled with emotions, just by seeing red candy boxes in the stores. If you’re feeling the stress, there’s no need to fret. Our annual Cyber-Dating Expert Valentine’s Survival Guide is here to the rescue.
This year, Valentine’s Day falls on a Thursday, and right before a three-day holiday weekend. The options are endless, from starting with a Galentine’s celebration for the ladies on Valentine’s Eve, to staying home and watching a series of rom-com’s, to a weekend away with your boo.
At Cyber-Dating Expert HQ we’ve been hard at work putting together everything you need to have the perfect Valentine’s Day. From date ideas, to gifts that won’t break the bank, and even how to fill your date card in time for Valentine’s super-fast using the best mobile dating apps.
Many of you who, I know, are single. Some would like to be coupled up, others are find spending time alone or with friends. Although Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday, when I was single, I preferred to be dateless, over finding just someone to grab a fancy meal with.
I’ve gone to the movies with friends, gone alone to the theatre, stayed home and soaked in a bubble bath, and watched sappy movies.
The past few years, “Galentine’s Day” has been on the radar. I think it’s a great idea to have a girls’ night out, regardless of your relationship status.
On Galentine’s Day, why don’t you schedule something fun with your girlfriends? It can be a potluck dinner at someone’s home, happy hour, or a movie marathon. It’s a day to celebrate the female friendships in your life, regardless of your relationship status.
Watch a Romantic Comedy
Whether you’re flying solo, are having a quiet night at home with in-room dining and candles, or are out with a group of your friends, there’s nothing like watching a rom-com to make you life, or commiserate with another lovelorn.
This year, the big film is “What Men Want,” but CableTV.com sent over a map of the most popular romantic comedies, just in time for Valentine’s Day. The movie that’s the most popular to watch across the country is “Pretty in Pink,” which was the favorite of one out of every four states.
Netflix and Chill?
And if you are staying in for a ‘Netflix and Chill or Not’ night, research from High Speed Internet shows one out of ten people dated someone just to get their Netflix account.
Other surprising stats singles would choose Netflix over having sex, and 2/3 of couples prefer their partner has the same Netflix tastes as they do.
Gift Giving For Every Relationship Stage
Valentine’s Day expensive, we get it. In fact, a survey from the National Retail Federations shows that about $143.56 was spent on Valentine’s Day last year per person, and $2 billion was spent on flowers alone! Here’s a list of suggestions from first date to getting engaged, and please remember to bring a card. [Read More]
Social Media Rules for Valentine’s
If you are one of the 6 million people who are getting engaged on Valentine’s Day, or are changing your relationship status to “In a Relationship,” post away to spread the good news but don’t tag your date without their permission. Remember your friends might not be feeling great about their relationship status, so err on caution with the lovey-dovey posts. [Read More]
Signs You’re Headed for a Valentine’s Breakup
It’s still breakup season, with the day before and the day after Valentine’s showing a spike in relationship endings.
If your significant other is going out of town, making plans without you, texting you less, says they’re not interested in celebrating this year, these are clear signs your relationship could be headed for a split.
Valentine’s Day is a big deal to most women, and guys know it. So if you’ve been dating someone, and he suddenly has an office party or meeting to attend, be bold and ]call it quits. It’s better to be single on Valentine’s Day watching movies and hanging with your friends, instead of being in a relationship that’s headed south.
“After all, more people want to stream movies instead of having sex, and you won’t be the only one requesting the song “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor.
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor (1978) - YouTube
Wishing you much love and joy on Valentine’s Day, or wherever you may swipe or roam.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of the Internet, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.
Celebrating Valentine’s Day can be confusing depending on if you’re newly dating, or have a February 14th tradition with your steady squeeze.
While ignoring Valentine’s Day will put you in the dog house if you’re in a relationship, the financial and emotional pressure of ignoring the most romantic day of the year doesn’t need to cause so much stress that you’d rather ‘Netflix and Chill’ at home all by yourself.
In fact, a survey from the National Retail Federations shows that about $143.56 was spent on Valentine’s Day last year per person, and $2 billion was spent on flowers alone! Men also tend to spend twice as much as women do on Valentine’s Day, with $4.7 billion being spent on jewelry!
So what do you get that new crush who asked you to be his or her Valentine?
New Relationship Gifts
I’m a believer of keeping it simple when it comes to going on a date with someone you’ve just met. What do you do if it’s just your second or third date, or if you’ve been dating for about one month?
Start the day by sending a Happy Valentine’s Day text or cute meme from Giphy in a text message to show you’re thinking of them.
When it comes to gift giving, you can never go wrong with bringing chocolate, flowers, coupon books, and gift cards.
To stand out and not over-do it, remember to pick up a card, and pen a hand written message, grab a bunch of red tulips to show you’re not smothering your date, and stay away from jewelry and lingerie.
If you’ve waited until the last minute, most grocery stores have terrific floral departments, where you can easily pick up a single rose and a box of candy
Dating for 3 – 6 Months
Couples who have already defined the relationship, but aren’t at the stage of committing for the long haul need to have a conversation with their partner on what Valentine’s Day means to them, and schedule the day/evening accordingly.
I spoke with a single guy who started to complain to his dates about how much he hates Valentine’s Day, and thinks gift giving and romantic gestures should be celebrated on birthdays and Christmas only. I was a bit stunned, and asked him if he liked football. He said he loved watching football. I then asked him if he watched the Super Bowl, and he said he wouldn’t miss it for anything and went to a great annual Super Bowl party.
I then brought up my analogy of how Valentine’s Day for women is like the Super Bowl for men. It’s THAT important. He understood, but again said it was a Hallmark holiday and not for him. I asked him if he fell in love with someone, would he celebrate Valentine’s with his partner?” He said no. It wasn’t for him.
I get it. Valentine’s Day can be expensive, but if in the first few months with someone you’re interested in isn’t being honored, you just might not make it to the summer.
What to Get Your Valentine's Date - Vimeo
At this point in the relationship, sending flowers to women in advance to be delivered before Valentine’s Day is a great idea.
If you have dinner plans, bring a gift or a token of your relationship, such as a framed photo of the two of you from a recent getaway, or a sterling silver key chain, which shows your date that they have the key to your heart.
If you want to give a gift with an experience, give him a gift card for a massage, a shave, or tickets to see his favorite sporting team when they’re in town.
For the woman in your life, add in a gift card for a facial, mani-pedi, or a ten-pack of movie tickets, so you can continue to plan movie dates together
Long Distance Relationships
Being away from your SO on Valentine’s Day can make even the most romantic couples feel lonely. Use technology as your best friend, and set up a Facetime or Skype date, where both of you are dressed up as if you were together IRL, have a glass of bubbly, and order dinner from your date’s favorite restaurant to nibble on during your video date.
It’s a great idea to send a card and care package in advance if you’re not living in the same city, state, or country. One year, my long-distance boyfriend sent me gift cards to Sephora to get a makeover , The Dry Bar for a blowout, before he arrived in town with his dozen hand selected long-stemmed roses. It was thoughtful and showed that he planned in advance, and I enjoyed getting ready for our romantic date.
Dating for 6 – 12 Months
By now, you probably have a toothbrush or even a key at each other’s place. If you haven’t exchanged keys, putting yours in a card on Valentine’s Day shows a level of commitment to the relationship.
At this point, depending on your budget, you could order a sterling engraved money clip or cuff links for him, and a sterling heart for her. It shows the sentiment, and ramps it up on the most romantic day of the year.
Since Valentine’s Day is on a Thursday this year, and right before the long President’s holiday weekend, you can plan a trip away, or celebrate Valentine’s all weekend long, when the restaurants aren’t as booked up.
The folks at Pinhole Press came up with this fun Infographic, if you’re stumped on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter of the Internet, has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.
Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and it’s both an exciting time for couples and romantics, but can also be a stressful time for singles and those who are newly dating, and haven’t defined their relationship status.
On Spectrum News 1, I joined Afternoon Beat host Kelvin Washington to talk about some ways to speed up your search, and find a Valentine’s date online.
1. Update Your Profile – Mention You Like Valentine’s Day
If you’re a hopeful romantic and love Valentine’s Day, it’s not time to put your head under the covers.
If you log on and update your profile, be bold and say, “I’m an incurable romantic, and love Valentine’s Day. It sends a message that you’d be open to meeting someone on or before Valentine’s Day.
I also recommended wearing something red for the season. After all, red is the color of love, and research backs up that profiles where women wear red do get more views.
2. Check Who Has Viewed Your Profile
If you’d like to send a message that will have a greater chance of getting a reply, on the Match app, you can see who has viewed your profile. If they’ve checked you out, but didn’t have time to write to you, it’s a good chance that your digital nudge just might turn into a date.
3. Be Online During Rush Hour
Depending on where you live, chances are being stuck in traffic during morning or afternoon drive is pretty unpleasant.
For online dating and mobile dating apps, being logged on during “Rush Hour,” is a traffic jam you’ll want to be in leading up to Valentine’s Day.
So when is Rush Hour, and how can you stand out even more?
Rush hour is the busiest on Sunday evenings, and according to OkCupid, their Rush Hour starts as early as 2pm on Sundays. I’ve found Monday nights, or just about any night when you’re home from work to find the most active users.
If you want to stand out more during Rush Hour, for less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can sign up for OkCupid’s Boost, which will give you 30 minutes of time to appear more frequently for $1.99, Match’s Boost, where you’ll be seen by three times more for $2.99 for a one-hour period, Tinder’s Boost, where you can “skip the line” and show up as a top profile for 30 minutes for $3.99, and Bumble’s new Spotlight feature, which costs two coins, or about $3.00.
4. Log On More Frequently
After you’ve tweaked your profile, viewed your matches and those who have already viewed your profile, sent out a few messages, it’s time to keep your app open for a while.
The reason I suggest not logging out, is because profiles with the most activity tend to be favored by the mysterious and magical dating algorithms, and you simply will show up more often to potential dates.
5. Take Your Relationship From Online to Offline
Chatting and texting can be fun, but it’s time to meet IRL (in real life), so suggest meeting for coffee, swapping digits and having a conversation.
It’s time to avoid becoming just a digital pen pal to someone you’ll never meet.
Life is too short to have an empty date card, when there are so many easy ways to find a quality date online.
Wishing you much love and joy in cyberspace, or wherever you may swipe or roam on Valentine’s Day.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet and has been coaching singles on finding love online for over two decades.
The number of singles dating over 50 is growing at a rapid rate, with new members joining online dating apps in record numbers.
On the Today Show, I shared how singles can create an Irresistible Profile, by posting my worst dating profile and comparing it with my best dating profile with Maria Shriver.
Watch the video below for highlights
Today Show - Julie Spira - 3 Online Dating Profile Tips - YouTube
The three tips we shared include:
Tip 1: A Photo is Worth 1000 words.
BAD PROFILE: As you can see in my ineffective profile below, I’ve included photos with a group of people, which is confusing to a potential date, and a selfie wearing dark glasses, which shows there could be something I”m hiding, instead of looking into the eyes of the man of my dreams.
Ditch the Bikini Photos if You’re Looking for a Serious Relationship
There is so much wrong with this photo below. A selfie wearing a bikini top is a mistake, as it’s just viewed as a bra or lingerie with different material. Plus, are there bedroom eyes behind those shades?
It sends a message that a hookup is a possibility, which is not the intention.
Post Photos of Activities You Love
GOOD PROFILE: If you post photos of the activities you like doing, and caption them, it gives a formal hint to your date of possible places to take you. In this case, music is a big part of my life, and I caption it by asking someone to request a song.
For the dates who fear meeting a golf widow, posting a golf photo shows I’d like to go to the driving range with a date, or perhaps take a lesson when my date is playing a round of golf.
Tip #2: Focus on the Positive
As shared on the Today Show, I compared a bad profile filled with so much negativity and an exhausting wish list. It would send someone running for the hills. How many men are really 6’+ tall? Perhaps 10-15%.
Instead, I shared one that’s realistic and easy for someone to feel like they can step up to the plate, by opening a door and having an intellectual conversation.
Bad Profile vs. Good Profile
Tip #3 Keep Your Wish List Short and Sweet
Maria decided to keep her list simple, and desired someone who’s kind, fun, smart, funny, and smart, and we uploaded a photo of her showing her award-winning smile.
It’s peak season for online dating, so if you need your hand held, contact us to find out how Irresistible coaching will help you find your dream date.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She was an early adopter of the Internet, and has been called “The Pioneer of Online Dating” by Cosmo. Julie coaches singles from Millennials to Baby Boomers on finding love in the digital age.
Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She’s the founder of Cyber-Dating Expert, and as an early adopter Internet dating, has been coaching singles on finding love online with her Irresistible Profiles for over two decades.