A. “This photo taken of me and my dad before he passed away is of immense value to me.”
B. “What a value on bananas this week!”
Value. That word is used in different ways. Someone is invaluable to us. They are highly valued. Or yet, there can be an exciting value-buy at a store! We might use Valu-Pak coupons to save even more money.
It’s no wonder to me that one of the most powerful guided visualizations I’ve done with my clients is the “I Am Valuable” one.
As a human, we receive mixed messages in our world about what value is. Is it something that’s obviously priceless or something that’s a discounted bargain?
Which begs the question about us as humans: Is it okay for us to know and express our own value without needing someone else to acknowledge it first?
An item in a store can be undoubtedly useful to its owner. Yet, if no one purchases that item – it has no owner; the cost and supposed value of that item will eventually decrease.
As people, our brains can comprehend how this type of perspective isn’t supposed to translate to humans … and yet, how often do we get discouraged when no one else recognizes us for how amazing and wonderful we are? When we get overlooked; forgotten about; or go unnoticed? Does that mean our worth as a human being should decrease, too?
Does a restaurant really need the endorsement of “As Seen on the Food Network” in order to be known for its amazingly, delicious food and draw more people to it? Well, we all know that celebrity recognition can certainly make a difference, but the point is whether we’re actually going to wait for that validation, kudos and love from others – before we decide to give it to ourselves.
Q: Because what leads to that outside endorsement?
A: A product, a company or a person who already knows how amazing and invaluable it already IS … for others to then start taking notice, as well.
Yet when you get to the place within yourself where you know in all certainty your own worth, you no longer require for people to tell you if they approve of who you are, agree with who you are, LOVE who you are … because you’re good with you. You not only know you are amazing and loved, you embody that knowing, and it emanates outwardly through everything you say and do.
My wish for you today is to take a moment and be your own authority on embracing how invaluable and priceless you already area – simply because – you’re YOU. Make a list of all the awesome things about you. What do you love about you? What are you in the process of loving? What are you willing to be “in the process” of loving? The door is open at every level of seeing the real you who’s really quite phenomenal. Because what if you are the only one who can ever really complete you?
Write it out, then read it to yourself out loud. Take every sentence in. If you need to pause and take some deep breaths as you allow yourself to receive your own kind words, then do so. You’re even worthy of your own time.
Ready to take it a step further? Comment below and declare publicly what you love about yourself and share the value that is YOU. I’ll be right here to support and celebrate you as you courageously do.
It was 8 years ago when I realized I really wanted to help people build their confidence. I knew I was on the right track when I heard my teenage mentee describe me as “confident” to someone else. Then about 6 months ago I was asked to lead a bi-weekly confidence group workshop as part of a business coach’s mastermind group.
So that then begged the question:
What actually IS confidence?
How do you get more of it?
How do you be it?
I used to think confidence was all about being prepared. Meaning – being prepared by knowing exactly what you’re going to say or do. In some circumstances, like a play or a vocal performance, that means having your lines memorized. In a presentation or an interview, however, that means having a general awareness of what you plan to say, but not needing to have it all memorized word-for-word. Those are great, but I’ve since learned confidence goes even beyond THAT.
True confidence comes from a place of knowing who you are.
You know that when you make a “mistake,” it’s still okay.
You don’t get consumed by wondering what an audience is thinking about you.
You don’t hate on yourself because you weren’t as “perfect” or “good” as someone else.
True confidence means you know that no matter what happens during your presentation, your vocal performance, your speech, etc. – that you are the “right” person to be delivering that message at that time. So however the message gets delivered, is always the best way.
Your confidence supercedes you before you walk up on stage and overrides any perceived flaws in your performance. You know that your true value is in the act of delivering the message – however it shows up.
I still believe in preparation; that helps you maximize whatever time you are allotted to present. But it’s who you choose to be and how much of your heart you put into your delivery, that is what the audience will take away.
You are beautiful.
You are intelligent.
You are worthy.
… of being easier on yourself and knowing your self-confidence is so much more than what you say or how you look.
Close your eyes. Look within. What does your heart want to tell you? Will you allow yourself to hear and receive that message?
Your self-confidence might just grow if you do.
Are you looking to enhance your self confidence in 2019?
* I am not a therapist; I am a certified coach (and podcast host). I love coaching, and below is how I got here. *
Another public figure committed suicide, and I have deeper clarity about why I do what I do.
It seems so obvious on the surface, but it just now clicked.
Here’s my story:
I was a bubbly, happy kid ~ who struggled with a lot of negative self talk. No one knew that but me. Fortunately I was into theater – creative outlet. I was into singing – another way to express myself.
And I journaled and wrote poems and songs (or rather, just more poems w/o music - haha).
I was often a loner, my own person, and I was totally okay with that. I was a straight-A student. Sometimes super quiet; sometimes totally quirky; and sometimes the leader of the pack.
But my negative self talk brought me down. A lot. I was SO GOOD at masking it. There was more than 1 occasion I literally thought I was going crazy and knew I was on the brink of something seriously scary. Even if someone wanted to help me, I was so good at arguing things from every which angle, it wouldn’t matter – I knew I would have to be the one to stop myself from spiraling down and landing in a “crazy house.”
I don’t know why I thought to do this, but at approximately age 15 I remember walking into the bathroom one day and attempting to say positive things to myself in the mirror. Yes – Louise Hay talks all about mirror work, but I had no idea who Louise Hay was or that “mirror work” was even a thing. I was amazed at how hard it was to say something nice to myself in the mirror. I may have mustered out a word or two, but mostly I just remember how hard that was.
The first time I thought about suicide was around age 13 or so. Then it hit me again around 15, my early 20s and even late 20s.
Do you know why I didn’t?
My maternal grandmother committed suicide when my mom was about 4 years old. I never knew her. I would’ve loved to. I didn’t want to be the 2nd person in my family to do that - and to my mom.
I also felt a sense of purpose that I needed to fulfill. Like a lifelong goal. How could I end it all before I accomplish that, whatever “that” really is? To me, that was a non-negotiable.
Oh … and when I was a kid … well my maiden name was a synonym for “strength.” And my dad was a U.S. Marine. I told myself that meant I was “strong.” I just had to “toughen up and get through.” Guess I had a little bit of positive self talk going on back then. Sorta.
After looking in the mirror at age 15, that’s when I started taking time to figure out how to turn it all around for me. I first realized I had no idea when I was even thinking negative thoughts. It was just on autopilot in the back of my mind. So first came awareness. Then came choosing different thoughts. Eventually I came to a threshold where I’d made some improvement, but it was still easy to slip back down – and FAST. I realized if I really wanted to turn this around, I would have to make a more permanent decision that I no longer wanted the misguided comfort zone a habitual negative mindset can yield. I had to allow myself to let go of the safety blanket illusion that being locked inside my own head contributed to. I made the decision that I truly DID want to be mentally healthy, and tell myself good thoughts - positive, loving thoughts. I was driven by the desire to feel better.
I resisted crossing that threshold for a while because I thought I might no longer be able to be creative. Would I then become “boring?” It was the deep, internal chaos I experienced on such a regular basis that gave me fuel for playing character roles in school plays and singing songs with emotion. Would my poetry cease to be “deep” and interesting? If I crossed that threshold, would I just become “regular?” Would I get lost in the crowd and no longer experience what I somehow thought made me special?
These are things I thought. Interesting how our minds make these bizarre rules up, isn’t it?
I knew if I was ever going to move forward in life and have a shot at fulfilling any life purpose, I would have to make the decision to embrace a more positive, loving mindset. I would have to allow myself to make shifts, even if it was hard. And it was. And it took a long time. Because I did it mostly all by myself.
But also – it was super scary spiraling down. And I reeeeally wanted to feel better.
Making the transition wasn’t a straight line. There have continued to be ups and downs. But it’s SO much better today. I now go for walks and tell myself so many good things. I see people on the streets, and I energetically send them love (sometimes, not always). And I get to coach others on how to make positive mental shifts and energetically increase their vibration so they too can experience the truth of who they are, which always feels better.
What helped me?
Embracing myself as a spiritual being
Learning about energy
It’s now EASY for me to think kind, positive loving thoughts to myself on a recurring basis. When I do have moments of slipping backwards – cuz life ebbs and flows, and always will – I at least now know how to move out of that, because I’ve practiced it so many times.
It’s now EASY for me to be my natural, bubbly, happy self – without a lot of negativity going on beneath the surface.
None of this happened overnight. It was a conscious decision and years of practice getting back to me. But it doesn’t have to be years for you.
Today - I want everyone to know there’s always hope. I’m not a therapist, but I’ve been told coaching sessions with me are therapeutic.
If you are struggling with extreme depression, please get help. Ethically, I wouldn’t be able to be your service provider, because it’s not within the scope of what a coach can provide. I can provide you referrals, though. You are amazing. It absolutely can and does get better. <3
If you are struggling with recurring negative self talk; have goals you want to pursue; and are overall essentially healthy and open to change, then let’s talk. You are amazing. It absolutely can and does get better. <3
So, WHY do I do what I do (coaching, podcast, etc)?
Because I want as many people as possible to know life can be better - to know there are legitimate tools and practices that can support you in moving forward.
I want you to know it’s okay to be your unique self. Rather than being your own bully, I want you to know how amazing you inherently are and feel confident in BEing that and sharing that side of you. WE - the rest of the world - BENEFIT from knowing and experiencing you.
Coaching is about moving forward. Embracing wellness. You do deserve that. Simply because you are here.
The coaching work I do today focuses on 2 primary areas:
Personal Empowerment - Stepping into a more courageous, confident version of yourself
Interview Confidence - Knowing how to present your amazing self in both job and podcast interviews
Whatever you are experiencing today, does not have to be where you are tomorrow.
Last weekend I was at the New Media Summit (NMS) in San Diego. The NMS is an event where entrepreneurs and people with a message come together to pitch their message to top podcast hosts for the possibility of getting booked as a guest on multiple podcasts.
While I was there, waiting my turn to give my 30 second pitch (ideally) … my messaging changed a BAZILLION times!! Talk about anxiety. I believe in allowing your message to flow, but I also believe in being PREPARED. I could’ve been called up at any time in those 3 days.
As my pitch continually shifted 3 days in a row, I finally started to feel more ease and clarity with how I wanted to maximize my 30 seconds. It was finally my turn – at the end of Day 3 – and I realized that one of the core messages I want to share with the world is this …
“Be MORE of You.”
So that’s what I spoke about – in 1 minute and 40 seconds!
Since then, that message has continued to show up as relevant to the people I work with, the people I often connect with, and … even for me!
You are here for a reason, and that reason can be as simple as you being You. If you’ve ever felt like a square peg in a round hole, however, you might know what it feels like to split yourself in 2 … or 3 … or however things break down for you. When we’ve got split energy or are trying to hide or deny part of ourselves, we aren’t allowing all of who we are in … which also means we’re closed off to others, to the world. Maybe you’re trying to protect yourself from judgment; maybe you have a fear others won’t accept you. Whatever your unique combination of personality traits, characteristics, experiences are … all of YOU combined brings something really wonderful and beautiful to this world. There is NO ONE ELSE here who is like you. There never will be. You are just THAT special. ♥ The first step to being able to share any of that with anyone, though, is you finding the courage to step into that. It’s about you accepting yourself first. To say Yes to yourself. Maybe to saying Yes to an unknown, even. “Before anybody else can be there for you, make sure that you show up for yourself first.” (quote from my chapter in the Positive Minded People book)
That might also involve a degree of releasing the past, limiting beliefs, gaining a deeper understanding of who You truly are. Even if we’ve never met, here’s what I know about you: You are amazing. I wish for you to know that too.
So … I’m pleased to say that I received multiple invitations to get booked on top podcasts, with potential for even more bookings after other hosts and I have conversations first. Similarly, I am also in the process of booking several new guests for my show, as well! That’s how it works! You give AND you receive.
Also … I don’t foresee the message of “Be MORE of You” going away anytime soon for me. So – you might start to notice it show up several more times in content I put out. We all need reminders at times, so if I can be that for you, then I’m happy to. Because you are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment … and that’s not for who you aren’t being, but for who You are. It’s okay to be MORE of that. In fact, it’s preferred that you be MORE of that. Be MORE of You.
P.S. Have you been considering coaching? I guide heart-centered professionals, job-seekers, empaths, square pegs and youth to know and express their already amazing self through practical and metaphysical approaches. I support you in bridging the gap between head and heart and making sense of the chaos in your head so you have more courage, confidence and clarity. Interested in a free coaching consultation? Let’s talk! Schedule here. You just might be surprised at how much coaching can contribute to your world. ;-)
I’m a big believer that things are as easy or as hard as we make them out to be in our minds – that doesn’t mean all things cease to ever feel *hard.* Remembering this philosophy, however, helps me to reframe the things I find challenging and connect back to the very real possibility of ease.
Tonight I pre-cooked a batch of quinoa and remembered I once thought quinoa was hard to make – back when I knew nothing about it. It was a new word. The little round pieces looked different. And it was one of those healthy grains, so it must be hard to make, right?
Wrong. So easy. So versatile. What a timesaver it is having this healthy grain in my life … and all it took was allowing myself to experiment with something new. Exploring the unknown.
What’s something you once thought was hard, only to find out it was way easier than your fears led you to believe?
Happy, Happy August!!! I’m resisting the urge to say “Wow – it’s already August!” because I just said that about July! … but WOW – it’s already August!!!!
… and for that reason, that’s why I’d like to talk briefly about commitments. Whether deliberate or not, we make commitments all the time. Our commitments to ourselves show up in the way we choose to spend our time. Now it can be easy to place a judgment on that, but that’s not what this is about (and I’m not a fan of that). Everyone has different priorities and there’s no need to judge priorities, because what’s helpful to one person may not be to another. However – if there’s something we’re not satisfied with in our life, that’s our clue that it might be time to reassess where we spend our time and what our commitments look like.
~ What’s the area of your life that you wish looked different?
~ What does your commitment to improving that currently look like?
~ In what way do your current results mirror that commitment level?
~ If it’s a weak commitment, how could you strengthen it?
~ If it’s already a strong commitment, where might you have resistance in your life that makes it feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle?
Or maybe it’s the word “commitment” itself that you have resistance to and the meaning you’ve assigned to that word? I’m no stranger to feeling a bit restricted when I sometimes think of the word “commitment.” Does this resonate for you? The way around this is to recognize that our commitments actually help us to have MORE rather than taking anything away from us. Assess your priorities and that’ll also start to ease some of the pressure you may feel at the thought of committing yourself to something.
Choosing to be more deliberate and mindful of the commitment we have to our goals helps us accomplish those goals more quickly while also supporting us to get through challenging times when distractions arise. Most of all, making a deliberate commitment is about dedicating more focus to the things we value most in our lives. You deserve to achieve any accomplishment you desire. Take a look at your commitments and see where you might be able to give more to yourself now for your own self fulfillment in the future. You can do it. I believe in YOU.
… oh … what are MY commitments? Well, in mid-July I committed to 30 days of exercise. When you’ve been out of the habit of exercising then you throw on a self-promise like that… it’s a bit challenging. Yes, I’ve had to give myself a break here and there, but overall my commitment to myself is stronger than ever before because I haven’t lost focus in the midst of a break. I’m so glad I chose to focus on my physical well-being, because as we all know, there’s a ripple effect with exercise where suddenly other things in life start to fall into place too! How’d THAT happen!?;-) Even more importantly, making a commitment to myself has strengthened my ability to trust myself. And that sure does feel good.